3 Days Grace

Thursday, January 16, 2020; 0502

Well F’ my plans, eh? Let’s first acknowledge that there hasn’t been a pos for three days. [It’s been a little crazy.] But, also, look at the time. [Yeah, the nighttime thing has been working either.]

So, let’s back up and see how things are going, shall we, Fellow Travelers? 

Monday was a rough day. It got rough early in the day and it made it hard for me to get a grip on the day. Tuesday is a bit of blur. This is not for any bad reason. I just had things going on and there really wasn’t much to the day itself. Then, yesterday, went on a loop-dee-loop. Perhaps we will start with yesterday and work backwards. 

I woke up yesterday bound and determined to get things done, stay on track, and remain positive. The whole goal was to live as if nothing is changing [so I could keep focused,] while at the same time continuing to work towards being ready for the changes that are coming [so I can be prepared.]

It was established in Week 1 that Wednesday would become my ‘home’ day. This would be the day that I would do what needed to be done to get cleaned and caught up - clean the apartment, do laundry, etc. This is precisely what I set out to do. 

I was up at my usual time. I’m fairly programmed right now. I got my system back to a point where I am waking up fairly early. In fact, it’s been getting just slightly earlier as the days pass. This morning, for instance, I was awake at 0415. 

So, I woke up and set to task fairly early. In fact, by 1030 I had the apartment clean, had soaked in a tub in preparation for my reading later at night, and I was ready to head down the street to start my laundry and take care of some other small matters - gas, groceries, etc. I had even managed to unload the MattMobile of treasures gathered at The Putter’s on Tuesday - such as a runner for the floor in front of the sink/cabinet in the kitchen. We had talked about it a week or so ago and suddenly I found myself with one. In fact, there was enough of it that I could cut it off and use a piece of it in the shop portion of The Dormitory. 

Now, when I woke up on Wednesday morning I had $4.22 in one account and $2.59 in the other. [And, I’m still not sure if those accounts are communicating.] Plus, I had $6.00 in cash for doing laundry. My most current bills/subscriptions had been paid [which is why everything was so low.] I was left with a small subscription which is due in a few days [and which I may or may not renew,] My car insurance [due/overdue] by the end of the day on next Wednesday, and whatever I can muster up towards a support payment for that Thursday. I was out of half & half for my coffee. [If you know me, you know how bad that is.] I like to have a soda with my meals and I was on the end of that. And, I was out of cigarettes. I was struggling with that last one but I was trying to make the most of it. [Me and cigarettes what a toxic relationship.] And, I had Just Enough gas in my tank to make one, maybe two, decent drives. 

As I set about my morning a few things would happen. I had a Tarto client scheduled for Wednesday night. In fact, I was waiting for that to happen so I could do things like put a little gas in the car or get the groceries. The client would message me in the morning and ask me to send her the invoice, which she paid immediately. Suddenly, I had funds and my day would shift just a little. 

I was contacted about a futon frame we have for sale. At first, it seemed as though I was going to make that sale before the day was out. The person was interested in meeting. I wasn’t going very far and I didn’t really have much to do. I figured I could load it into the car before I left and we could meet up whenever. Unfortunately, that would not happen. 

Before I would get in the tub to soak I would receive a notification from one of my merchandising company - they were offering a route of 4 stores. If all 4 were done yesterday then they would pay by today. I looked at the list and it was a stretch. Two of those stores were at completely opposite ends of the region (about 50-60 miles apart] with the other two nestled, almost comfortably, in between. I wasn’t sure if what it would take to get done would be worth what it gave back in the end. I had to think it over and over again while I soaked. In fact, it is the reasonI could not relax into that soak. 

I soaked to the point of feeling refreshed, getting out to set about my business once more. I looked at the list once more. I just kept thinking that here was an opportunity to make some money. I figured I should take it. But, the restraints and the limitations could make things worse for me. It is something I have faced many times with this line of work. Sometimes, if I really want to make some money, I must drive quite a bit. Sometimes, that drive costs more than it is worth. So, I was nervous. I was apprehensive. 

I kept looking over this work. It would require printing. I don’t have a printer. I knew I couldn’t ask Hoagie to print it out for me at work. I could go to a store, but that would cost money and it would take extra time. Time was my second concern. The gigs all had to be done by 1400. It was now 1100. I reached out to The Warden. She agreed to print what I needed. But, I still wasn’t sure if I could make this work. 

Usually, in retail merchandising, when they say ‘route’ they mean all of it. If it’s four stores on the list than you must accept and do all four stores. I knew there was absolutely no way I could make all four happen. So, instead, I decided to try something. I was able to accept only the two stores that were in the middle. One was just down the street from The Warden and the other one wasn’t terribly far beyond that. [Far enough though.] Suddenly, my plans - my day - had changed and this is what kept the futon sale from happening. I did reach out to him and see if he could meet later. Finally at 2357 he messaged me to say, “I picked one up today. Sorry bud.” 

I left The Dormitory by 1130 - a little before. I stopped at The Valley’s Favorite Convenience Store and got my half & half, soda, and yes even smokes. Just as I was coming up on The Putters’, The Warden would text me asking about the documents I sent. She was convinced I had sent the wrong thing because this was, “an ad for waffles.” Though she wasn’t necessarily wrong about that, it was definitely what I needed printed out. When I got to the house I had to explain to her that they were marketing materials that I needed to give to the manager at the store. I chuckled to myself a bit because, in that moment, I realized just how little people actually know/understand about what I do. 

Nonetheless, she had gotten them printed and by 1230 I was on my way. This left me 90 minutes to get the jobs done. I decided to start with the farthest store. I figured I could cut over the mountain to get there and avoid a lot of the traffic and hassle. That is exactly what I did - there and back. By 1400 both jobs were done and I was back at the Putters’ for a little R&R. In fact, I had finished 15 minutes before that.  I had everything done in an hour and fifteen minutes. Now the pay wasn’t phenomenal, but it was sufficient. I made $16.25 in that hour and fifteen minutes and I spent about 45 of those minutes driving in my car. Like the Putter said, that’s a little less than $16 an hour. Yup. That’s how it usually works out. On a good day, I can make some ok money. Sadly, good days don’t happen often. 

I left The Putters’ and headed back to The Dormitory. There was still business to attend to that night. By the time I had returned ‘home’ I had gotten my groceries, I had just slightly more gas in my tank than what I had started with, I had a little bit of money left over and I was now expecting a little bit more money today. 

A few things happened along the way. First, I need brakes on the MattMobile. I knew this was coming sooner or later. It came sooner. Well, really, if I look at how long I’ve known it was coming, I guess it did come later. But, anyway, it is time. It is SO time that I really shouldn’t drive anywhere until they are done. Unless I’d like to replace the rotors as well. I knew within moments of driving the car Every so often when I would step on the brake I could hear it. I could hear the dreadful noise of no almost bare pads scraping. I reached out to a friend who knows some things about cars. He said he could help me change them, either by phone that night or in person on Thursday. I laughed when I replied that I had to be able to buy them first. He sent me some pictures and info from websites. They don’t seem too terribly expensive, but still it was out of my price range. [At that point, everything was out of my price range.]

Before the day was over, I would schedule a long-distance Reiki session with Wisconsin. She’s got some stuff going on. Right now it is not a panic mode type of situation. The doctors have looked at things and its just a matter of time. I’m not happy about taking her money, especially under such circumstances, but she is insistent that I cannot do Reiki on her without taking her money, (Let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth, eh?) 

This, though blessing me, leaves me with a struggle. I had initially planned on using that money to pay my car insurance. I realize the deadline is still 6 days away, but I figured I could pay it and then just rest easy. However, now I need these brakes and I might have Just Enough to cover them. But, that would also leave me with very little to nothing afterwards and still an insurance payment to come up with. On one hand, The Universe has been very gracious lately. I mean, the whole moral of this part of the story is that It All Works Out. 

For as much as things went wonky last week - work shifting and such - it has all worked out. Whenever there has been a payment due or something needed the money would come. Here we are, a week after things looked to be falling apart. Then, I was trying to figure out how I was toning to get through it all and do what I needed to do. Now, here I am, through it all and so far everything has been done. So, do I just pay for the brakes and take the financial hit until the net thing pops up? Pay for the brakes and leave myself still working towards the insurance payment? [Of course, under the Faith that it would happen.] Or, do I pay the insurance and try to figure out another way to take care of the brakes. I suppose I could ask my friend to front them for me if he can. I don’t want him paying for them really. But, I figure in either scenario I am leaving myself with a debt and no certainty as to how/when I can cover it. Perhaps, it may be better to put myself in that sort of a bind with him instead of the car insurance. But, that is all an issue for today. 

So, that is my Wednesday. It started poor and struggling and throughout the day, all on its own with very little effort on my part, the day changed. I ended up where I needed to be having what I needed to have and I have been left with Just Enough of a foothold to last for a few days. I even managed to videos yesterday, but have not had the time to edit and post them. 

It would seem all is well in Geistopia. But, let’s start moving back to Monday. 

As I said, Tuesday is kind of a blur. I had a meeting scheduled with a wedding client at 1700. That was really the only thing on my schedule. The Professor had something in The Cave at Old Geistopia that he wanted. So, I thought as long as I was heading down that way for my meeting I could stop and get that item and a few others. I also figured I would kill some time doing my laundry. [And, let me remind you, the laundry still is not done. Lol.] Before Tuesday would get here, The Professor would let me know that he was going to be at The Putters. I figured this was fine. I was going to kill some time there on Tuesday anyway. I mean, it is right next to Old Geistopia. However, he was going to be there much earlier in the day than I had planned on. This put a little bit of a crunch on things. It shifted my day in a way I wasn’t sure I could work around. 

I did, obviously. 

So, on Tuesday I managed to retrieve some stuff from The Cave, visit the Putter and The Professor and have my meeting [as well as a good dinner - thank you.] But that wasn’t all. First, as I mentioned in Wednesday, I received ‘stuff’ at The Putter’s. This has forever been a most fascinating part about visiting there. Every so often, I am gifted. He clears things out and passes them along. I end up with things I wanted, things I needed, or even things I had never thought about but for which I could find a use. In fact, it is because of one of these moments that we have the Principle - Six Minutes is an Awfully Long Time and ANything Can Happen in Six Minutes. So, that was fun, but still not all of it. 

You may recall, as things were winding to a close last calendar week [the beginning of Week 1] things were changing. I had struck a work deal with The Professor, for which he had paid me partially up front. It had been so perfectly timed. I got money I needed when I needed it. I had the time to get on the job quickly and finish it before the weekend was over. And, I would then have money coming in again. Tat money was enough to cover some things, like car insurance, and set me on th right path. However, when I got up to The Professor’s on the first day of work things had changed. The work was on hold indefinitely. This not only meant that I wasn’t going to be getting the rest of that income anytime soon, but that now I had a debt over my head for the money he had given me - and no way to repay it. This would find resolve on Tuesday. The Professor would ask for my help with a task and said that would make us even. I also managed to negotiate a deal with him to store my stuff in his storage unit. I’m going to need a place for it, but I still need to get at it when necessary. And, finally, I managed to snag quick job between the Putters and the meeting. 15 minutes; $7 (which has been paid.) 

This was still not all that Tuesday had brought. Before the day would end, I would resolve that I must focus on The Rabbit Hole. After I reviewed all the Totems from my recent Quest in depth and aligned things that were going on in my life, as well as the fact that I had passed two properties that same day- it seemed the natural conclusion. I don’t know what it means exactly. I don’t know how to begin except to begin. Like everything else, I will just take the pieces as they come and do my best with them. But will it be enough? Can it be enough under the circumstances?

So, it seemed by Tuesday, things were looking up and this was important, because Monday changed everything. So much, in fact, that I wasn’t sure even Tuesday could set it right. 

On Monday I would get a call from Hoagie. I am going to have to leave The Dormitory. You see, over the course of some random events, Spike’s mom discovered that I was staying here. It’s something I thought she should have known all along, but Hoagie had different ideas. Anyway, now she knows and she doesn’t like it. It’s funny, actually. She has this whole problem with me and it’s all in her head.

You see, she and I were originally the friends. We met through The Princesses dance studio. Her daughter danced with one of mine. We took to talking, being friendly, hanging out. She had a definite fascination with the metaphysical and magickal. Hoagie, on the other hand, was not my biggest fan. He would never really hang out when I would go over to visit. Over time, she took to her own spiritual path. I tried to show support for it but the more I learned about what she was doing the more I voiced concerns. Basically, she had gotten involved in a system of things that had practitioners going into the Akashic Records and changing things. They were taking it upon themselves to force change on a soul level.

For instance - I had let her try her thing on me. Like I said, I was doing my best to support my friend in her endeavors. She determined that I have a shapeshifter soul and ‘changed’ it. Now, she knew I was a shapeshifter. She herself had commented on it. But, apparently , this system sees shapeshifters as a negative thing. [And, we must be stopped.] The thing is, it is my shapeshifting that allows me to do what I do. It is what allows me to irk with people and do reassigns and healings and even theatre. After she changed things I saw a definite shift in my life and it wasn’t a good one. I contacted her and insisted that she undo whatever it was she had done. This was the beginning of our problems. I would later find out about the Akashic Records thing and also that she thought it was okay to do deep soul work on her 3 year old son. He wasn’t old enough to understand, let alone consent. I voiced these concerns. [For those that may not be familiar with The Akashic Records - this is The Universe’s documentation of all things past, present, and future.] 

Anyway, this was about the time of The Cave-In. My life had once again gotten shut down completely just as I was getting a bit of a groove to it. I was in very bad space. [Very bad.] It was akin to what I just went through at Yule. I was doing fine and then I wasn’t. I was frustrated and angry and depressed. 

One day she texted me and wanted to know if I would be around the next day. I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with or visit people, but, again, I was trying to remain open to the days and extend myself to my friends, so I told her I would be around. The next day I was just finishing up a meditation when I received her text asking if I was home. I got up from that meditation and decided that before I would text her back and have her come over that I would run for cigarettes and text her when I was back. This was a 20-30 minute expedition at best. By the time I was returning and pulling in the driveway, she was already there. This did not start things off on a good foot.

We set up chairs in the garage and Unt out talking. I was not in a very positive and up mood. Like I said, it was just like Yule. NOthing positive was coming out of my mouth and I was very open or receptive to any kind of uplifting dialogue. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the effort, but more often than not, anything someone could say to me in those moments I have already told myself and then run the circle that would spring from it. I didn’t care for a lot of what she was saying - about my life or spirituality in general. I was fighting dry hard not to go off on her and tell her what I was really thinking. I didn’t want to do that because it wasn’t going to help anything. 

However, eventually, I could take no more. I didn’t snap at her immediately. Instead, I stood up, letting her know that I couldn’t do this anymore and she needed to leave. I left the garage and went back to the Garden Shed to give her a few minutes to get together and leave. When I came back to the garage, not only had she not left, but she had gotten stuff from her car and settled in to paint. She instantly started in on the same dialogue. It was at this point that i had no restraint left. I snapped at her. “You need to shut the fuck up and go!”

According to Hoagie, after that she went through the house and got rid of/destroyed everything I or The Shaman had ever given her because she insisted that we were working dark magics on her. 

The ignorance of people amuses me. It is true, I delve into the mystical and magickal. But, I do not work spells, or charms, or curses. That is not the true purpose of magic. A true magician does works so that he/she can attune to Divinity. Magic is all about knowing G-d. All of my rituals and practices are just that. I worked a spell once, many moons ago before my first quest. I saw just how powerful and accurate magic could be. Honestly, it scared the shit out of me and I resolved then there wasn’t any need to walk that path. 

Still, after she learned that I was here, Hoagie received a letter from the court that she was charging him with breaking the custody order. He was going to have to go to court and if found guilty, he would face fines or jail. Of course, he was also afraid that he was losing his son. I don’t think that’s really an option, but I haven’t addressed this with him. 

Her complaint is me. She doesn’t trust me around her son. It doesnt matter to him that I have never been alone with him, except for that one particular se of circumstances and all I wanted to do then was get him to her. She is concerned about my ‘partying habits’ - even though she shares them and I do not party in front of the kid. She is concerned that I was in jail. Funny, that didn’t seem to bother her when we hung out. NOt to mention the fact that I was in jail for such a nothing charge that even the prisoners and guards didn’t understand why i was in prison. But, mostly, she is concerned because, I am “evil” and I “do things to people.”

Rather than fight or argue, Hoagie conceded. We had discussed this as an option and I said I would go if that’s what it came to. So, that is what it is coming to. Originally, he had given me a week to take care of things and be gone. 

So, Monday was a very rough day. After that call I was right back in the same headspace I had at Yule. I was broken and crying and frustrated. Once again, here I am, just starting to get my feet on the ground, just starting to have things flow a little bit and now its all for nothing anyway. My only recourse is the Rescue Mission [or my car - which I haven’t completely ruled out yet] and I can’t do these things in those circumstances. 

It brings back all of the frustration from over the years. I have spent so much time living on Faith and letting Spirit guide me. There have been good times and bad times, and I could never really be upset by any of it. All I’ve wanted is my place in life. I want a life no different than anyone else. But, in all of these years, I haven’t been able to balance he Spiritual and Physical into something that works. Still, I always defer to G-d and let things take their course.  I always seem to get so far and then things crumble. This may lead one to wonder why I keep doing what I do. Well, because it keeps coming back. 

Everytime I have had to reset and I am left wandering in a void, I follow whatever comes up. Each and every time it is things like Reiki, or Tarot, or retail merchandising that start to get me out of the hole. They have saved e more often that’s you may realize, Fellow Travelers. Yet, every time I get that good roll going, things crash and burn. It leaves me so confused. I wouldn’t mind so much if my efforts to find employment weren’t following the exact same pattern. I get only two close and then wind up with nothing. I keep chasing leads - employment, work, income - and I keep barely scraping by as I find no accomplishments. How could one not be frustrated or even angry with G-d? I don’t care what he has me do as long as I can get somewhere finally. Still, it is always kept just out of my reach. 

I had to spend a lot of time aging and meditating. I pulled myself out of the Yule funk as quickly as I could. There has been such an emphasis lately - in messages and meditations - on vibration and thought and creating our reality through what we project into the world. I figured I needed to not give in to the panic and the fear. I just needed to step back and breathe and let the Universe do its thing. If this is what is to happen then it is going to happen. All I can do is be ready for it. 

To that end, I asked Hoagie to give me until at least after my own support meeting, if not right up to the end of the month. I figured this would allow me the time and flexibility I need to not only deal with being out of here but to maintain the forces already at play. I also figured it would give me time to fully accept -mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - what the future seems to hold. 

In the end, the meditations brought me around to a calming mindset. This is what it is and there is nothing I can really do to change or alter it in anyway. I have almost two weeks to let things gel and settle into place. If nothing shifts then I am on my way to the Rescue Mission, but I will be prepared for that. My stuff will be in storage and [hopefully] accessible when I need it. My bills will be as caught up as they need to, or can be, for the moment. All I can do really is get out of my own way. Maybe I will end up at the Mission. [I’m afraid so.] Maybe things will change and I will somehow be able to stay where I am. [Eh.] Maybe something else will happen and I will find myself somewhere I can’t even imagine at the moment. [Possible.] 

Whatever happens, the simple fact of the matter is I can do nothing more about it than just keep showing up each day. Que sera, sera. My mission is to detract how myself from it all the best that I can. I am going to keep living and doing and being - just as I have. Just as if nothing is changing. Yet, along the way, I am beginning to make the plans and arrangements for those changes. I am dotting the Is and crossing the Ts. Preparing to live at The Mission is just part of showing up now. Y only concern, or upset, or whatever the term may be is that all of these things I’ve been doing to keep myself in the game, I can no longer do while living at The Mission. So that will leave me not only without employment, but without income at all. 

We’ve talked about how, for some reason, this seems to be G-d’s plan. Perhaps all of these little lifts and boosts along the way have been only to humor me until he finally said, “Nope. Now enough is enough. It’s time.”

Or, perhaps, Spirit has used the threat of The Mission as a way to re-light the spark for The Rabbit Hole.

Maybe it is some combination of the two. 

Still, there may be some conclusion that cannot yet be conceived. It is two weeks until the absolute deadline and...Anything Can Happen in Six Minutes. Life can be completely transformed in the blink of an eye. [I’ve seen it happen.]

So, all I can do for the time being is just show up, do what I can, get out of the way, and let be what will be.

Today has many plans. 

I must do the Reiki session while there is time and opportunity. I must make whatever arrangements for my brakes. I need to manage my finances and ‘needs.’ I have to reach out to a few people regarding different projects and whatnots. 

Along the way, I will try to organize my job searching resources. I am still waiting on a usable resume, but that doesn’t mean I can’t at least get signed up, logged in and ready to push hard when I have one. And, I do have my version of one on file if I decide I really want to apply for something immediately. I may also set into doing some crafting while I still can. 

I have two missions currently. One is to just keep showing up and following each lead to its own natural conclusion. I must do this without any attachment or expectation. Each As It Comes. Somewhere out there, amidst the chaos of living, is my life. 

The second mission is to focus on Divine Love. The Love, the Light, the whole kit and kaboodle. [“What is a kaboodle anyway? Did you ever hear of a kaboodle. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m all of kits but you can get this nice kaboodle.” Thank you George Carlin.]

It is not just about focusing on the light during meditations or workings. It is about bringing it out into the world in all I do. In every moment it should radiate. This is especially true for my relations with other people. Years ago there was a popular phrase, “What Would Jesus Do?” Though it is close, I think a better way to approach this is, “What would Love do?”

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [I Corinthians 13; 4-7. I was going to copy the whole passage but decided to pare it down. You should really read all of 13.]

Love is not only how we approach others but how we approach all of life. Every moment should be shared in Love. Anger will happen. Jealousy will happen. Hurt and fear will happen. **it happens. But in the end, Love can shine through even the worst of these. 

Dealing with people ‘In Love’ can be challenging. It is so easy for us to condemn, criticize, judge, hurt. Often, we do not even realize that we are doing such things. We don’t mean to. We don’t mean anything by it. We’re, “just saying.” 

So, for instance, I look at this situation with Spike’s mom. I could be angry with her - and, please understand I am at least somewhat frustrated. I could think bad things. But, she is doing what she feel she needs to do. Right or wrong, valid or pointless. In her world, she believes it is what she must do - for whatever reason. Cuddlebug once commented, in discussing her mom or maybe mine, “YOu always say everyone means well.”

That’s because I believe they do. People do things because they believe they are the right thing to do...or at the very least, ok and acceptable. It would be quite a person who thought, “Gee, this is just wrong,” and follows through anyway. You may say, well look at criminals. They know it’s wrong to steal. This is true. But somewhere in their rational it i made ok and right. Perhaps they see very little other choice and think of it as survival. It could be. Something I have always tried to demonstrate to my daughters through storytelling is that even the bad guy thinks he is right. Movies such as Maleficent and Despicable Me and even that Megahead or whatever it was called. Even a story such as Hook. When you look at it through the ‘bad guy’s’ perception they always feel right and justified. Sometimes, you might even agree with them. But everyone actually means well. 

“Even Hitler went to Heaven.”

So, I can look at a situation such as this and bless it. I mean, it sucks for me. I’m paying the price, but in her head she thinks she is doing right. How can I fault her for that. So love and light and G-d bless her. 

Where this gets a bit more challenging is a situation like Craze & Co. This has been a long-time ongoing thing. Whatever the problem is it has never found resolution and it keeps resurfacing - getting a bit worse each time. I’m hurt, I’m angry. I’m all sorts of things. Still, I know that they do have some justifications for their feelings and I know they believe they have justifications for the rest. They act out of what they consider worry or concern. I have for a long time said that the key issue is a lack of communication and understanding. I have stated here time and time again that when my life changed my family disconnected from it as well. Some of this was my choice but some of it was theirs as well. They got so distant though that they truly had no idea what was going on and all they could do was assume that nothing was going on. 

Again, this is not to say that there were not problems or faults on my end. Of course there were. Please. There were plenty of them. From youth all the way up until last February. The problem is that they also assumed I was never trying to address or correct these issues. And, for the most part that is all I have been trying to do. 

I have reached out in different ways in the past year. I have also lashed out a few times. Again, though I feel justified in those lashings, I was not necessarily right. The action was wrong, but the feeling that inspired it is justified. Still, I reach out. But, there has been nothing in return. Not even an effort. 

I left the presents from The List at The Putter’s. He was going to hold them until The Princesses could pick them up - take theirs and hand out the others. They have not been around Old Geistopia so the Putter told Boom-Dee-Aye. Three times he told her. Still there sat all the presents until I picked them up this week. Which I only did because I am hoping to see the Princesses this weekend. 

As I left the Putters’ yesterday, Big ‘D’ was making her way across the front yard. She would not even glance in my direction. But, I still feel so driven to write this email and make one more attempt to at the very least shed some light on things and end on the most positive note we can - before I disappear indefinitely. 

So that is where I am at. I have videos to post and business to attend to. This has already taken more of my morning (with other things along the way) then I would have liked.