A Very Good Place to Start

July 12, 2019; 1058

Finally, all distractions aside and all commitments on hold, a moment to write and clear my head.

It’s interesting to me that it is 7 years since The Re-Discovery Tour. Not so much the time frame itself, but that exactly 7 years later I would be on The Quest of Quests, I suppose you’d call it.

It is also interesting that there have been slight similarities in the journeys. Similarities, but not exactly the same. sort of like mirrored fragments. I get to see this through my current memories on Facebook.

For instance, today’s memory was from Ypsilanti, MI. I forced myself to pause, take a moment, and write. Today, I am forcing myself to pause, take a moment, and write - even if it just be something brief.

The other morning, I realized that I could not find my Medicine Bag. I didn’t see it in the car, not at The College. I didn’t seem to leave it in The Theatre. I thought it gone, and, then, I thought how it wasn’t the first time.

there was that day in Ohio when I visited the Serpent Mound. I had packed a Medicine Bag to go in and later tealized that I no longer had it. A gift for The Spirits of The Mound, a sacrifice as it were.

That day, my memory on Facebook was a video of me saying that I was going to go to The Serpent Mound for as a Spiritual Mecca.

[My Bag has returned, but only after I asked the faeries to please bring it back.]

i really don’t know what to make of things lately. My life’s is as it has always been - zipping to and fro, never really knowing what tomorrow is going to hold, struggling with poverty, and all the while, trying to lead a somewhat normal Existence. The only difference being that I am doing all of this while living in The MattMobile.

i have work at The Theatre, but it is just never really enough to truly get the job done. I scrape by. Along the way, I pick up anything I can to make some extra. I’ve scrapped some metal a few times, I’ve picked up a gig at The College, and I have a few Tarot Readings coming up.

Still, it all seems to be too little too late, and yet, always right in time.

I thought I was going to have some OK money for the next few days. Something like $100 to get me through. I thought his was going to be fine because I had a Reading scheduled for Monday.

Yesterday, the Reading rescheduled until Wednesday night. Today, I discovered that I have about $30. I was very deep into this last pay before I even got the check. That is what I mean that it is barely enough. Every pay period I end up dipping into the next check before it is deposited. Even when the pay is better.

i have to wonder how I pull this off exactly. Especially considering the girls are coming to the show at The Theatre tomorrow night and that will be some money spent.

Now, I have a Reading this afternoon, but I don’t think I’ve ever made this person pay. He’s always been good to me and the girls, done stuff for us. So, I think I have let it slide. It’s been a long time since I’ve given him one. I will wait and see if he offers or asks. If he doesn’t, I may ask for a small donation.

Im also dog sitting this weekend. I don’t know that they are planning to pay me anything. It wasn’t really discussed. I was just happy with having a place to crash and be cool...and shower. However, that also has me driving further to work all weekend.

This is how it has been since February 8th - constantly not knowing how I financially pull it off. I mean, this is just how it has always been, but it seems a bit more severe without the ‘comforts’ Of Geistopia.

Yet, despite the challenges and the questions and the doubts, somehow it has always worked out. Sometimes, I have had to come right out and ask for help. Other times, The Universe managed things on its own. Often it would be strange and bizarre ways.

So, all I can do is believe that this, too, will work itself out.

I will have to make some efforts along along the way. Certainly should not be buying cigarettes in such a financial crunch. I’ve been wanting/trying to stop buying them for a week now. So, be careful what you wish for you just might get it. (And, that could be the point.)

I will also have to make make an effort to cut back in my coffee consumption. I pay for 2 cups of coffee what it used to cost me to make several pots. More, in fact.

The Quest is as The Quest always has been - Who am I and what the hell am I doin here.

Some, like Hoagie Snowflake, would tell me that I am not living up to my potential. I don’t even know what that means. I do the best I can at any job I’m given. I just don’t get good paying jobs. I strive to live as a good person. I strive for it. I don’t always succeed. But, I do keep in trying and I think that says something. So, what is my potential? What is it I should be doing?

Others, such as The Looch, would say that perhaps I have finally found my calling - a vagabond, wild and free. That is a fair enough thought, I suppose. But, how do I live and survive. I’ve only made it this long because I’ve had a regular income. How do I do that on the road? And, could I really do it in The MattMobile?

I‘ve always told Soirit that I could live that life - the traveling and the Questing - but that I would want to be able to come home to The Valley. I need that. I need a place to work from, a central hub to which I can return and recharge. I noticed it with The TreeHut and no again with The College.

Since I am there every day and at odd hours, and, since no one else is really there, I’ve unloaded unnecessary things from The MattMobile. I have been using the location to ground and center. It has become my MattCave, of sorts.

Of course, The Universe is always whispering about a book. How do I write a book when I can’t seem to have time to write a blog? And what would the book be about exactly? I’ve written it, or started it, several times already and I just don’t understand? Could I write one fast enough to save me from the looming winter?

And, how do I get to Wisconsin in August, damn it?! Or, am I not supposed to? [Which would make me sad. What’s the point in having this if I can’t touch it?]

And, so, those are my thoughts for the day.