Catching Up

Saturday, April 9, 2016

8:49 PM

I've been stalling this entry. I'm not sure why, but I have been. I started thinking about making it yesterday and just kept putting it off and putting it off until I decided I couldn't put it off any longer. I can't imagine why I wouldn't want to capture things at the moment or what I am afraid I may reveal (or call into being) by writing.

It's been a strange few days. 9 days actually. The 30 day challenge was all about making changes. I'm not sure how I would say that is going. It could be better, but then it could be worse. Let's see if I can catch things up at this point.

So, Monday I had an interview. The job would require me to give up almost all of my time with the girls, except possibly in the summer when other arrangements could be made. This was a very hard thing for me to deal with. I had a good vibe about the job and/or the company going in. It was just one of those things that was just falling into place. Or, so it seemed. But, in the end I think I need to pass on it. I just can't get past giving up the time with the girls. It just doesn't seem right. There is another position available there, or at least there was as of Monday. It would still require some weekend time but nothing compared to the first position.

They were ready to hire me on the spot. I put decision making on hold to go to another interview. This interview was on Tuesday. I wasn't as in to the job or the company but I wanted to see what they had to offer. Also, they had scheduled first. Then the other company called and scheduled earlier. (Which was one of the things I thought was a good sign.) The second company offered the same base pay. The same amount of hours as well. But, it didn't require weekends. Weekends are optional. I left there feeling good about it. It wasn't an ideal job for me but it would have done the trick, and I wouldn't need to make a sacrifice that I am not really willing to make. It seemed as though I was going to have this job. I did tell them that I was looking at other things but I was told I would hear from them by Friday or Monday to set up the next steps and that could give me some time to decide.

Tuesday night I had meditation time. In that time the message came, "It's not going to be either job." So far, that is holding true. I decide not to take the first job, though I have not officially made that known as of yet. The second job sent me a letter of rejection.

This leaves me in a state of…I don't know what. I'm not stressed. I'm not worried. I'm more curious, I suppose. I don't even know where to look at this point. I have a list of applications to do. So, I plan on starting that on Monday. (Just got 'The Chills'.)

Wednesday was a good day. I'm not sure what I got done I just know I felt accomplished at the end of it.

Thursday I started a 'cleansing.' I did it mostly due to possible drug tests. But, I figured as long as I was cleansing my system it was a good time to cleanse it altogether. So Thursday I cut back on both coffee and cigarettes. I cut back quite a bit actually - on both. Friday I did even better. Today…not so much. I'll pick it up again tomorrow and see what I can do with it. Most importantly I need to drink water like I did on Thursday.

Thursday night I had a good mini Reiki session. Then I came home and started some cleaning and had quite the vision quest (which was caught on video.)

Yesterday I spent the day in bed. Literally. I just had no motivation to do anything.

Today was a little better. I got work done in the basement which has been long overdue. Beyond that though I did not get much done.

The plan for tomorrow is to work on the WTML post for the week and to finish the cleaning process. The house will be empty for several hours so I should have more than enough time to get it finished.

Then Monday it begins.

If only I knew what 'it' is. I've been trying to pay attention to the messages as they come in. For instance, there was one about Friday. It didn't say what it was about Friday. Just, "Friday." Still don't know what to make of it. On Friday I found out that I didn't get the job that I was kind of hoping to get - if for no other reason to not have to keep looking. I also spent the day in bed. I know there was some Dreamtime. I just don't know what was involved in it.

Now there is a message about tomorrow. I hate that one. It's always just, "Tomorrow." So, I guess we will see what tomorrow holds. Earlier today there was one about Monday as well.

I feel very lost at the moment. The only thing I seem to know for certain is that I keep repeating this cycle. I go on for a little while with everything being ok and then BAM I am back to nothingness. Every time I start to get on track and straightened out something goes wrong.

Right now, everything is going 'wrong.' It's not just the job thing. I haven't been able to generate income at all. Not for a week or so now. I had some shop jobs scheduled but had to cancel them for one reason or another. On top of it all, the van is acting up. It's like all of a sudden all of this stuff is going wrong with it.

Well that's all I've got for now. I hope to do a better job of documenting this process as it moves forward. I'm not sure if I will really do any tomorrow. Only because I have to write for the post. It seems double the work to say the same stuff.