Daily Post #2

Tuesday, July 30, 2019; 1259

It’s been a very strange day. As usual, it shifted as soon as it had began. And, as usual, am I glad it did.

It is hot today. Uncomfortably hot. I’m currently sitting in a coffee house enjoying a cup...and the air conditioning. Then, soon, I must leave it and move in to whatever it is today holds.

I should work at The College. I’m trying to get the hours. But, as I said, it is hot. Also, the back is still tender. I really just want to sit with that a while.

I may even break down and just go to go to the movie anyway. It would be nice to sit comfortably. Maybe eat. Then I can work at the college all night if I like.

I still don’t know what to make of things. The back has me curious. It is really interfering with things. Yet, it is making me slow down and re-evaluate, which I need.

I‘m spending money today that I shouldn’t spend, but I known I will bounce back eventually. It’s the little things that make the difference. I find in the past several days I have been gathering a load for metal scrapping.

it all makes me wonder. The Pillar always suggests that maybe I am pushing too hard for money and thats why it doesn’t come. Maybe that is it. I don’t know. I do know that I work myself hard, often, for very little return. I never get ahead. I barely even break even.

It makes me think of 20 years ago when my favorite Principal was Do Less, Have More.

I decided to do the movie after all. It’s just that kind of day. I don’t like when I feel ’lazy’ or ‘unmotivated,’ but the. I suppose i would never stop going if I didn’t.

I used to get frustrated at times like this, when I had plans and motivations, but everything seemed to work in reverse of all that. Lately I seem to be able to just roll with it.

Life is far far from ideal at the moment. It has been this way for several months and I, sometimes, fear it may be a few more. Honestly, I don’t really know how I’m doing it. I believe it takes a certain degree of numbness and detachment.

This is good in as much as it keeps me from focusing on the hardships and some of the really crappy/uncomfortable moments - such as the almost intolerable, and seemingly eternal, heat. If I don’t think about it then I don’t really feel it. The same with working. If I don’t think about working hard then I just do it.

On the the flip side of this, I have become so accustomed to just going, so detached and numb, that I don’t always listen to my body and spirit for what they need to keep up or recover. I think that’s why I gave in to my back and just came to the movie. What I am spending to be here is worth the three hours of comfort for a week.

I pillaged some things from The MattCave today. Some things were tools that I need. Then there were things like a microwave for at The College. I figure with that I can at least eat Raman noodles or oatmeal and not have to be spending as much on food. I realize it is only a temporary situation, but I might as well take full advantage of whatever opportunities it affords me.

I also grabbed some some random things, such as one of the apothecary boxes. I feel like I might need it soon. Perhaps, in it, I can find a tribute to leave for the Faerie folk tomorrow. Or, maybe I will discover a secret to keeping The Demon at bay. To that end, I did also grab the last of my holy water and the brick dust.

I still have some writing to do in regards to The Excursion and I feel like I need to prepare for tomorrow, even though I do not know what it holds. Here’s what I do know - that I won’t really know much of anything until about Friday/Saturday, and I must be detached from everything.

The next three days can only happen moment by moment.