Goodbye Five [Hello Six]

Tuesday, February 4, 2020; 0738

I waited to write this morning. I have been awake for almost two hours, but I just wanted to be able to give into this without interruption. So, I waited until Hoagie left for work. 

I’m having strange vibes this morning. They’re not bad. They’re just strange. I can’t quite put my finger on it all. I feel good. I feel overly good actually, all things considered currently. But, there is an anxious feeling. It’s that feeling you get when you know you are waiting on something - perhaps an important appointment, or news, or...something. It is the anticipation of it all. 

That’s how I feel - like I am in anticipation of something.

The quandary is - I can’t imagine what. 

Yesterday was an interesting day overall. Nothing in particular happened. It just had a groove to it. I woke strange. I had had many Dreamtime visions in the night. I had also been awake at The Witching Hour, which really leaves me unnerved. I don’t like that hour. I never have. Different things walk the Earth in that hour. Yet, for whatever reason, Monday morning I needed to be awake for that hour, and only that hour. 

I would go back to sleep and wake up a couple hours later. The thing that weighs on me about waking in The Hour is what was happening before I woke. I was having a Dreamtime vision. It is not the first time I had this vision. 

It takes place in what is now considered the original part of Boom-Dee-Ays bedroom. The thing is, once upon a time, it was my room. It was my room for a very long time..and very bizarre always took place in that room. This was after I discovered ‘magick’ but before I realized the truths of it all. This was in the decade before my ‘Death.’ 

Nonetheless, in this vision, I am in the room, in the bed. The bed is at the front of the room, facing the door. When I first moved into that room that is where the bed was. Exactly where the bed was. [You can tell it was before I knew anything , because I would never put my bed in front of the door today.]

In the vision, I am yelling at something - something otherworldly. I am cursing at it and challenging it. I want it to face and fight me. The next thing I know my dad is opening the door to check on me. He was smiling and threes was a certain light about him. Then I wake up. 

What I realized with yesterday’s vision is that this is some what similar to something that did happen. The bed wasn’t in that position anymore. In fact, it was in a much better spot at the other end of the room. In the adjacent corner. I also wasn’t yelling or screaming that night. But there was something in my room one night. It had made its presence very known. And, it was my father that had come to check on me. 

For the longest time I had just assumed it was my great-grandmother. She had died in that room. In the very spot the bed was placed actually. She stayed attached to that house for a long time and we all knew it. We would acknowledge it. She was always turning things on and off. It wasn’t until years later, after I had learned some things, I was able to get her to leave. Interestingly enough, at that time, I was in the upstairs bedroom, which had been hers until she had gotten sick. 

But, now I worry that there is something else attached to the room. In fact, it’s not a ‘now’ thing. I’ve been curious for sometime. I’ve watched something dark at work. The room itself has deteriorated. It has taken a toll on animals and humans alike. ‘Now’ the vision just validates my concerns. I’ve been in tune all my life, and I didn’t even have a clue until 24 years ago. Who knows what I may have called forth in my youth and ignorance?

Unfortunately, without their permission, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that this validation makes so many other moments much clearer. 

Like I said, I went back to sleep after The hour. I had more Dreamtime. When I woke up later, I wasn’t as attached to the first vision of the night, only very aware of it. I didn’t spend time thinking about it or delving into it. I just accepted it for what it was and had little moments of revelation throughout the day. 

The day itself was mellow. I spent the better part of the morning finishing up The Sunday Post. I just wasn’t able to get at it with the back pain. And, I used this time to accept the fact that I had once again come to a halt. I spent the last of my funds yesterday morning on some groceries. I had nothing left with which to work. My gas tank has probably Just Enough gas to get me to work tomorrow and Thursday, I hope. And, if I’m lucky a trip or two to The Valley’s Favorite Convenience Store. [Though if it clears up a little today I can walk that. It would do me some good.] All of this, and I’m not going to be able to make my phone payment Thursday because I won’t actually have money until Friday. So, I just kind of worked through all of that and accepted that there was nothing I could do about it, except prepare. 

This reminds me. There was another part to my Dreamtime Adventures that seems significant or important. There was a number sequence. 5 numbers. One of them was repeated. Maybe two. The main numbers were 9, 1, and 6. I cannot tell you the order of the sequence. I can’t remember it right now. I could. I remembered it like rhetoric until the moment I needed it. After that moment, I could not remember it at all. 

So, I took a moment yesterday morning to run to The Valley’s Favourite Convenience Store t get some half & half, milk, soda, etc. Just what I needed to get through the next few days. It would take all but a few dollars of what I had left. On the entire drive there, I just kept seeing the numbers over and over. If it had been 4 numbers, or even 3, I would have thought they were lottery numbers. Seriously. Then I had an odd thought. I wondered if there was a 5 number draw. If there is, maybe I should play that number. I got to the store and the first thing I did was look at the lottery machine. There was a 5 draw game listed. So, I determined that if there were funds left over, I would get a ticket. 

I did get a ticket. Honestly, I don’t even know if I played the day time draw or the evening one. I was in such a zone and so focused on that moment. I do not know what numbers were drawn. I have not checked. It’s not that important at the moment. It will be what it will be. Either I won something or I spent $1 to get documentation of that number sequence until I do actually need it. Right? That’s the worse case scenario. The number is important or I wouldn’t have been able to remember it so clearly in the first place. Maybe they weren’t lottery numbers. But, they were something. Now, I have a hard copy of those numbers. My mind can let them go and be clear from them until such a time they become relevant. Then I can merely reference the ticket. 

I mean, I figure it would have been just as good if Spirit would have been like, “Hey...write these numbers down.” Better than spending a buck that’s for sure. But, then, maybe Spirit figured I would write them down ‘someplace safe’ and lose them. This I won’t lose. What do I know of The Plans. I wasn’t there at The Creation. [Well, I was. We all were. But only after the fact.]

I returned to The Dormitory, finished my writing, and settled into a strange day. I felt no rush. I could name no priorities. I just started doing. At first, I waited a while because I was close to the Noon Devotion. I figured I would do that, then the LBRP/BRH combination. Then I could soak in a bath for a while. After all of that cleansing and work, I could begin my day. 

I worked on some crafts and got myself somewhat organized for the week. Especially my clothing, considering I will be rewearing clothes until I can afford to do laundry next week. 

I really just kind of chilled through the day. I foresee a lot of the same today. I do want to clean today. But, then again, it only takes an hour, or so, to clean the apartment and I don’t have to be to work until noon tomorrow. I could always start it as soon as Hoagie leaves and still have 3 hours left when I’m done. So, we’ll see. It will happen today, or it won’t. 

The evening and night were pretty much the same. I just kind of chilled my way through it all with no particular attachment to anything. I need those moments. Honestly, I thought I might be up all night. I wasn’t. The energy did get heavier at night and I eventually needed to just lay down. I slept longer than I thought I would, but that’s ok. 

Today closes out Week 5 of The Experiment - the Number of Coming into Being; The Number of The Underworld. In The Underworld we must face ourselves. It is how we come into being. It is the swamps of Dagobah to young Skywalker. 

There was a lot I had to face this past week. I did have to check my ego a bit in regards to The Job. I still remember things and I am good at what I do. I do have a lot of skills, knowledge, and ability to bring to the table. This was a realization that I had this week. It’s interesting how things unfold. Being back in a restaurant after 25 years can be very eye opening. When I worked for this brand before (different franchise, same district) I worked for a hardcore restaurant manager. She had to be. Our store trained all of the new managers in the district. I became her assistant and my course would begin to shift. 

I now had to know the book inside and out, not only to train our own employees - because she would accept nothing less than ‘By the Book’ - but also to train the managers. Along the way, I became part of the franchise’s corporate training team. Again, it was imperative that I knew The Book. Here’s the first thing I learned from that - if it’s in The Book, it can be done. Doesn’t mean it will be easy. It doesn’t mean it is 100% achievable 100% of the time. But, it is possible and it is what we should then strive. 

The second thing I learned is - very few people actually want to do this. There are the few and far between such as that restaurant manager who do it because they get it. They understand. Then there are some that will do it just because that is what they are told they need to do. There are still people, believe it or not, who will follow ‘orders’ whether they like them or agree with them or not. 

But, the vast majority of us will always look to bend the rules or tweak the system. I have seen it over and over again in my life. Whether it be at work, or taxes, or municipality dealings, or whatever it may be. Somewhere in our lives, we all tend to bend. I said as much in my interview for The Job. I told the DM that I am very much about the rules and The Book. However, I also realize that everyone bends the rules sooner or later, as needed. My philosophy, though, is that you first need to know how to follow the rules before you can discern when and how to bend them. 

Anyway, she was a precise manager. I have realized, looking back, just how clean her store was. It was that clean because we cleaned it regularly, and, more importantly, routinely. In fact, we did everything routinely. That restaurant ran like clock work, even when she wasn’t there We knew what needed to be done and we worked like a team to accomplish it, because we also knew it wasn’t acceptable to not do it. 

I have never in my life witnessed such a thing. 

Still, I am not perfect either. Product has changed. Systems and routines have changed. I make mistakes. There is always something I can learn. I need to remember this. 

I also need to remember that I am not looking for a career. This is a means to an end and nothing more. That’s all The Job has ever been, even when The Job was The Distributor. Maybe that is why things have not worked out up to this point. 

When I went to The Parent Company, I was looking for a career. That was the plan. That went awry, because I got distracted by The Distributor. Actually, I was led to distraction. It never really felt right but I decided to follow that. That didn’t work out either. It was never meant to really. The danger was that I was already getting attached to the money and benefits and what I could do, and before you know it, I would have had myself locked into a life that I couldn’t get out of. Then I went to the other food place. Again, I was looking for a career move. 

But, I’ve been reminded that I am not looking for a career. My ‘career’ is already laid out and waiting for me. That’s kinda been the point to this whole Journey, I feel. This is just a means to an end, an opportunity to get myself rooted and grounded and centered - ready to lunge forward when the time is right. 

I have no real plans or directions for today. I am just going to drift through it again. What needs to happen will happen. 

I still have that anxious, almost unsettled, feeling. It still doesn’t feel bad. I’m not worried. More...curious. And, wanting to get to the moment already just so the anxious feeling goes away. 

Until tomorrow, Fellow Travelers...Peace and Blessings.