Hard Knocks, TikToks, and Bobbie Socks

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, August 31, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Jive. Time...???

Theme – As Much As Things Change

 It has been almost 7 years since I spent this kind of time at Olde Geistopia. My life has been a hundred different things since then. As have I. Yet, here I am. Back at Olde Geistopia Back at the Theatre. Back to being lost in life. Back to having nothinaga. If one were to go by appearances alone it's as if the past 6+ years never existed.

Lesson – Appreciate it While You Have It

 I use to tell the story of my hair. Once upon ago I had a full head of thick wavy hair. But, I found it difficult to manage [even for the 80's] So, one day I started keeping it short. As time whent by it got shorter and shorter unti lI was shaving it. Then one day I decided to grow it in for a while. It wasn't there anymore. The top of my head was all but bald. So, I went back to shaving it. I miss that hair sometimes even though I hated it then. I worked for two solid years and though I was alwayas grateful for The Homestead, I never got to truly appreciate it for all it was. [Not until the stroke...and then I lost it.] My theatre "career." It was here and now it is gonae forever. My crafting. The Tarot and Reiki. All gone. And I have to wonder if I truly appreciated any of it when I had it.

Observation – Lost & Alone

 Never did I imagine that this is where my life was headed. I don't know how to feel about it. One minute I was pushing and fighting, slowly building a better life for myself and then just like that it is all gone. I am left just floating through my own existence. Nothing is solid or concrete. Nothing is even real at the moment. A delusion of my own creation to keep from having a complete breakdown. I have no focus, no direction. No hopes. No dreams. I have nothing to build on at the moment. I'm not even sure I have the energy and oomph to push through this. It has barely just begun and I am exhausted and over it. But there is a long road ahead of me. So I feel lost in my life. I don't really know how to function. I am faking it every day. Then a few days ago I came to the realization that I feel so very alone in everything. I just don't have that certain kind of connection with anyone. But even if I did, I have no life to offer them. But just like the rest of my life, it is pointless to think about. It is pointless to feel any particular way about it. It changes nothing and drains what energy I have left.

The Post

Don't ask me about the title. I really don't know. It started with Hard Knocks - because that's how I feel right now. I feel like I have been beaten up and put through the ringer. My body aches all the time. I get no real relief. I get rest but no relief. My soul hurts. I feel so lost and confused right now. My heart breaks. I've realized how alone I am and how pointless my life seems to be once more.

I felt the need for a rhyme and TikToks just came next. I accepted this because...well...I do TikToks. So, sure. Why not? Now I needed one more rhyme.

Bobbie Socks.

I don't fucking know, but we're running with it. Maybe something really cute will happen along the way. [Though I doubt it with how I'm feeling.]

Let's get this show on the road, shall we?

I don't know what I wrote last week. In fact, I had to double check that I actually did a post last week. It's seriously been that intense for me lately. The days are just blending together. I wake up and go until I return to sleep. I've been running to appointments, trying to return to the road, organizing and setting up The Cave,. I even finished some moving stuff - mostly plants.

I went for the plants because Cuddlebug told me weeks ago she wanted them. [I wanted the painted tires.] So I arranged to be able to pick them up Tuesday. I went up early in the morning [planned around my doctor's appointment that never happened.] Anyway, I dug the plants and dirt from the tires and put them in buckets. Then Wilson and I bounced the tires around to get water and dirt out of them. Loaded it all in Artemis and drug it to Olde Geistopia.

Turns out, I didn't them. Apparently she told me she didn't want them anymore.

I had texted her asking if she could empty one of the buckets. I would need it for the plants. The buckets had the first round of plants. She said she didn't know if she'd have time, trying to get ready to start classes. So, I did it.

Apparently, her telling me that was also her telling me that she didn't know when or how she'd deal with ANY of the plants. Which was also her [apparently] telling me that she didn't want them anymore.

So, now they're here and something has to be done with them because Big 'D' doesn't want the stuff piling outside The Cave. [Neither do I.] I guess I'll have to just make it happen.

Work did not go the way I had planned this week. First, I can't deliver for Uber until I get the Mariner in my name. [And, honestly, I don't know when or how I am going to make that happen at the moment.] Also, I was off the road long enough to lose my standing with DoorDash. So, until I can rebuild that, I can only work when they feel they need more drivers. That sucks. So I'm not able to quite generate what I want.

Somewhere in the week mom was taken to the hospital by ambulance at like 0500. She's OK right now. It seems she developed blood clots in her legs after her knee surgery and she had also developed a bleeding ulcer. They have things under control but I think she will remain in the hospital or inpatient rehab for a little while yet.

The Cave is coming along. It's a long difficult process. I moved all this stuff from Nu Geistopia in such a frenzy. Things have just been stacked and cluttered. I need cabinets here to get everything put away but I need to put things away before I have room for the cabinets. And that's how the whole process is. In order tp set one area, I need to move all sorts of stuff, which I then need to move again in order to set the next. The piles dwindle [kinda] slowly. But it sucks.

The thing is, the longer it is taking, the less I want to do it. I don't wanna be here. I hate it. I don't feel comfdortable. I don't feel right. I don't even feel welcome. I mean Big 'D' has been fair and understanding. But Boom-Dee-Aye and even Cuddlebug make it clear they are irritated by my presence on the property.

My daughters are breaking my heart. In their own ways, more and more every day, they make it clear that they really have no interest in having me in their lives. Cuddlebug speaks to me with such disdain sometimes. And she seems to just assume the worst things about me.

I sent her and Pico screenshots of their respective upcoming bills - insurance and phone. They didn't understand what they were or what was happening. [We just paid both around the 14th.]

But the next bill is ready for each so Ithought I would give them a head's up. I ffigured then they can be prepared. If we were still at the house I would have said something in passing. But that is not an option now. So, I sent the screenshots.

Here, they assumed that I was trying to just get the money from Pico early and that I was asking Cuddlebug for money for some random thing that she had nothing to do with.

Why the fuck would they think such things? I have never done any such thing. In fact, I pay a small portion of my daughter's car insurance to try to make things a little easier on her. Harder on me but easier on her.

But this is a pattern I am noticing - especially with The Princesses. No matter how good my intentions are in something I just always end up being accused of the worst possible thing and ultimately become the bad guy.

For example, Cuddlebug gave me shit for always telling Sunshine [when she'd come to the house] that I missed her, and wished she could come up more [though I understood why she couldn't] \, and that it always feels a little more like home when she's there. I told her these things because that's how I felt and I thought she should know that she was loved and missed

I was wrong.

I was told that I needed to stop guilt tripping her.

[What??]

I have been told that I ruined their childhoods when I chose homelessness over the misery I was living at Olde Geistopia. I chose myself over them. In not so many words, I was basically told repeatedly and in different ways that I was a bad dad and I failed them miserably. [At one point Cuddlebug asked me why we didn't just abort her.]

Meanwhile, I am still planning this trip for the end of November. I am still planning on taking them because Sunshine has been asking to go to Salem for a while and we all just talked about returning to Mystic.

But why? Why am I planning on taking them? Why would I want to go away for my first break in 3 years with people who think so little of me and don't want to spend time wiuth me. [The other day, Sunshine came up with Mam to visit Cuddlebug. She knew I was here. She never bothered to say hi. In fact, she tried to sneak in the house without me seeing her. She doesn't know I did.]

The show is going well. It really came together. I can never say enough just how talented I think this whole cast is. I am so thrilled to watch them work every day. I also think they're all great people and it is my honour to have gotten to know them.

There is one in particular.

She caught my attention immediately. Well, not so much my attention but the attention of my spirit. I don't know exactly what it is about her. I'm drawn to her. It's not an attraction in the usual sense. Not that she isn't an attractive young woman. She absolutely is. She's very attractive. But that's not what I'm feeling. That's not the draw. But the draw is strong. So strong, in fact, that I had to stop and review my meeting her to see if she was a Timestopper. She was not as far as I can recall. The simple fact that I had to wonder should have told me that. I've always been very aware of their presences. It's not an experience easily missed nor mistaken for something else.

Still, the draw is strong. I don't know what it is. I have a certain softness for her. I enjoy just sitting in her presence. She's got a very strong spirit herself. And, as far as talent, she is remarkable. An absolute joy to watch. She has a strong featured role in the show but also plays a few other smaller roles throughout the show. She fully embraces each and every one. I mean fully. It is like she fully becomes each charcter.

I feel like somehow I could learn and/or grow from knowing her. Though this is true for everyone, I rarely actually feel it with anyone.

It seemed the draw was somewhat recipricol. We had little moments here and there. NOthing special. Nothing unique nor truly noteworthy. Just moments shared between two people. The only thing that makes this stand outr is just simply that a theatre production moves quickly. You don't generally have a lot of time to interact. She also took to touching me. A hand on the shoulder here or grabbing and holding my finger in passing. This is only significant because, if you know me, you know I'm not really a touch person. [For what I think are obvious reasons.] I have to know someone afor sometime before I can do any kind of truly personal physical engagement - such as a hug. Just ask Spooky Queen. I knew her for 2 years before she was allowed to hug me.

She also has this thing that when she exits the stage from her featured scene, she does something to me. [Keep in mind, I'm playing a dead guy in a wheelchair.] It's different every day. it's always just some sort of quick lil something. It is the only moment in the show that can break me. I have come to fully enjoy it.

Well...today I blew things. [There's a surprise.] Also no surprise is that it was completely inadvertant. Just another moment of my mind not being able to filter my spirit before it escaped. She had done her little exit thing. I had to force back the smile. When I passed by her backstage I leaned in and whispered, "I adore you so much."

I felt her energy shift and that made me sad.

In retrospect, "appreciate" would have been a more appropriate word. Though "adore" is totally accurate. Like I said, I have a certain softness for her. I do adore her, just as I adore Spooky or Boom-Boom. They hold a very special place in my life and always will.

I imagine there is no good way to rectify that glitch, except doing what I do best. Eyes down. Mouth shut.

The show itself is bittersweet. I thought I would never sytep foot in a theatre again [from a performance standpoint.]  This show has given me an opportunity to do that and I will never forget it. I am so very grateful. HOwever, it is also a fierce and harsh reminder of why I will never do another role. It's very sad.

Though, I have given thought to keeping an eye on the callboards for other paying productions. Maybe I can make a niche out of playing the dead guy in the wheelchair.

I've contemplated all sorts of options for my future. I truly have no clue where my life stands at the moment. I am so very lost and confused by everything. I am so very shattered inside. I don't know what The Grand Sceme is. I cannot even guess. So, I've wondered what I will do if nothing changes, if nothing seems to find me. I've contemplated my thetre niche. I've thought about taking my trip at the end of Novemberand then just heading somewhere new. I mean, there's nothing keeping me in The Valley. I have no home. I have no family. I have no job that ties me down. HOnestly, there's nothing really keeping me in this life anymore. I have done all that I am going to do. I have nothing left. Perhaps it is best to take my trip and then just go find a place to sit and wait for time to run out. Not a depressive thing. Just practical.

I'm working on videos. I am so very far behind but we will see how I do in catching up. I wonder if there's even a point to trying.

The Homestead did officially sell. There's no going back. All that time. All that work. Just to have lost everything anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I am deserving of a better life. Maybe I am a much worse person than I try to be.

Deep Sigh

This makes me even more confused by the ibes and messages. After much meditation the only explanation I have for being misled is that if I had known what was going to happen, I would have given up. For whatever reason, G-d does not want me to give up yet. I can't imagine why. It's not like he's given me a lot to work with.

But he's given me plenty with which to occupy and distract myself. I have the show. I am returning to The Seasonal Store for a week-ish. The company has put the crunch on Spooky for an opening and I want to help her get through it. I have organizing and setting up to do at the storage unit and at The Cave. All in the hopes of maybe crafting again one day. The problem is there is so much to do to make it functional again - electrical work, re-pipe the stove. all of those things make me feel like I'm settling in and I do not want to settle into this.

So, here's what I know at this point. [And, admittedly, I am having a difficulty in trusting Spirit at the moment.]

Year 3 of a 3 Year Plan. The year ends with the conclusion of Yule.

Currently, I am in a 3 month Phase. september 1 through November 30. We are calling this The Freedom Tour.

September 1 is a marker. I assume it is because that is the beginning. I thought it was financially oriented but that does not seem to be the case.

September 21 is the next Marker of which I am aware. This makes sense in many ways. It is just about Mabon. There is a New Moon and a solar eclipse. And, financially, things should increase for a hot minute. This is when Theatre pay should start coming in and it is the latest I should receive my Seasonal Store pay.

After that, I believe October 7 has become a Marker.

In the meantime, I must sally forth with no attachments to any particular thing. It is what it is. All I can do is face each day, one moment at a time. No thoughts about any of it. No feelings. No judgements.

This is my ultimate test of Faith. The Job Initiative. I figure I will get to the end of this journey and determine either that my Faith is true and strong and works, or trhat is is foolish and childish and it is time to let it go.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt. And there is the newer TikTok @WTML23

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak

Bee – Fertility and the Honey of Life

Symbols for accomplishing the impossible. Examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you taking the time to savor the honey of your endeavors or are you being a workaholic? Are you attempting to do too much? Are you keeping your desires in check so they can be more productive? Are you taking time to enjoy the labors and activities you involve yourself in? No matter how great the dream there is promise of fulfillment if we pursue it.

Butterfly – Transmutation and The Dance of Joy

The process of metamorphosis should be studied closely. Make note of the most important issues confronting you at the moment. What stage of change are at in regards to them? You may have to examine and determine what you wish the outcome to be, and how best to accomplish it. Was a symbol of the soul. Was a symbol of conjugal bliss and joy. A symbol of change, joy, and color. There has long been an association in folklore between those of the Faerie Realm and butterflies. They remind us not to take things so seriously within our lives. They awaken a sense of lightness and joy. They remind us that life is a dance, and dance, though powerful, is also a great pleasure. Can be reminders to get up and move for if you can move you can dance. Look at how much or how little joy is within your life. Lighten up. Look for change. Don’t forget that all change is good. Reminds us to make changes when the opportunities present themselves. Transformation is inevitable. Growth and change does not have to be traumatic. It can occur as gently, as sweetly, and as joyfully as we wish.  

Dragonfly – The Power of Light

Inhabit two realms – water and air. The significance of these should be studied. There must be expressions of the emotional and the mental together. You may need some fresh air in regards to something emotional. You may need to gain new perspective or make a change. May even indicate that you are neglecting your emotions. Are you being too rational about everything? Are you not keeping the colors of emotion alive?

Eagle - Illumination of Spirit, Healing, and Creation. 

Balance of being of the Earth, but not in it. The soul, the spirit, and warmth of life. The resurrection. Punishment and reward. Greater sight and perception. Reflects an awakening ability or the need to learn to walk between worlds. Heroic nobility and divine spirit. The rediscovery of the inner child. Alchemy. Involvement with creativity. A willingness to experience extremes in a controlled condition. A willingness to use your passions to purify and to use your abilities, even if you get scorched a little in the process. The need to stay connected to and use things of the Earth. Important to know when to speak, how much, how strongly. New vision will open. The ability to hear - spiritually and physically - may also increase. Cooperative responsibility. A healing role. Opportunities (even those thought long lost) will arise - learn to see and snatch them up. A new sense of timing and movement will begin to develop Primal force inherent and easily awakened. Take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. Events will now fly faster, repercussions for everything you think, do and say (or fail to) - positive and negative - will be both stronger and quicker. A powerful new dimension to life and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. Touch all of life with healing and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative forces within the world. 

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

 When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

Fox - Feminine Magic of Camouflage, Shapeshifting and Invisibility. 

New world opening up. The process of creation is beginning. Guide to enter the Faerie Realm. Unless a male can recognize the magic of the feminine - in himself or others - and learn to use it to Shapeshifting his own life, it will ultimately lead to destruction. The Kundalini, and the freeing of the creative life force. Practicing and using camouflage. Working to blend in with surroundings, to come and go unnoticed, moving silently about without revealing your intentions. Learning to control the aura. Adjust its frequency and intensity so that you harmonize more with others. Levels of energy and fertility. If the focus stays on the creative energies, any sharp turn in the individual’s life will be handled with ease. Fox people have the ability to insulate themselves from anything that may seem cold, especially in relationships. Can appear larger than they are - for personal protection or for making greater impressions. Establish a trotting pace. Ability to move into new directions. Call upon new resources instinctively. Excellent ability to hear what is not being said. The ability to hear spirit. Size people up accurately. Develop the ability to see spirit. Aromatherapy. Awakening of the Kundalini. Higher forms of discrimination and discernment. Capture any prize. 

Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places

A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind. 

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill. 

Heron - The Call of The Quest and Travels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.