Hello Six (Goodbye Five)

Wednesday, February 5, 2020; 0727

It’s an 11 Day. Hmm. Fascinating. 

I still haven’t started cleaning, but there’s time. And really. I could do it tomorrow when I don’t have the ability to do any posts or anything on my phone. You could consider this procrastination, I suppose. I prefer to think of it as placing it where it will work best to keep everything as a whole fluid. 

Yesterday was very similar to Monday. I just kind of floated through my day. I did things. But, I ended up doing different things than what I had planned. That’s ok. As long as you are doing something then something is getting done. 

It was really just another day for healing. I just sort of rested and took it slow. I had that anxious feeling all day. I still kind of do this morning. I do not know what to make of it. It’s all very strange. I feel good. I feel very good overall. I just don’t know why. I realize I don’t have to, and you might wonder why I even question a good feeling. 

It’s the type of feeling, the energy and intensity behind it. It’s not your everyday “I feel good today” kind of feeling. It feels bigger than that. It feels as though something big is on the horizon. Perhaps it is unsettling because I can feel it, but not see it. I think that fuels the anxiousness. But, I think what feeds it is the feeling tht when this ‘thing’ happens, whatever it may be, I will be able to take a sight of relief. 

Maybe it is something as simple as the fact that in two days I will receive my first pay and, as far as I know, I will be receiving pay on a regular schedule, and at slightly increased rates. [At least for a pay or two.] If I understand this system correctly, then they are going to bump me up a level this week, which would increase my hourly wage by fiddy cents. [Sorry, couldn’t resist.] The same should happen next week. So, my next pay should see a total of $60 more dollars for the same hours. Then in the following week I should move up the final notch and receive a dollar an hour more. 

Maybe Wisconsin is right that I am feeling anxious because I so very often get happy and settled and then things go awry. Maybe I am waiting for the shoe to drop, as it were. 

Or, maybe it is all something bigger. 

Whatever it is, we won’t know until it happens. It’s just the way it goes sometimes, Fellow Travelers. 

I feel very in tune and peaceful. I feel like things are right. I am feeling very grateful for everything lately - every setback, every experience - good or bad, every moment - past, present and future. 

Personally, I credit this to doing my Devotions and Rituals on a more regular basis. They really do help keep things balanced - inside and out. I’m not saying they are for everyone. But, certainly, anyone who is going to dabble in things spiritual - Healers, Psychics, Magicians, Ministers/Rabbis/Etc. They are exercises for tuning into Divinity and The Light. They clear away the unnecessary. 

There have been more Spirit oriented experiences lately. A lot of energies coming and going from The Dormitory - but in all areas of my life as well. Hoagie is going through a shift. I do not quite understand it as of yet. Still, his energy is at a much different vibration than mine and I find when he comes home that everything drops and I am less able to function. My Third Eye begins to buzz and I need to lay down. I don’t mind so much really. It is what it is. But, it keeps me from being productive. 

We are beginning Week 6 of The Experiment. I have made it no secret that I do not understand 6. I know of it. I just can’t quite place the energies and how they work. 6 is the second number of creativity. It is associated with more of an intellectual creativity - such as logic problems. It is also a number of family, and of home and of service. It’s negative attributes can include jealous and worrisome. 

This is what I know of 6. I just have never really seen how it all plays into the Grand Scheme of things. Perhaps in this week we will find out. 

I am still wrestling with an email to Big ‘D.’ I’m not really sure what the point to it could be or what good it could do. I understand that, for me, it could bring a level of closure. I could say the things that I need to say. But, then, they really aren’t anything different than anything I have tried to express before. 

I think it is ridiculous that we are behaving the way that we are. I have certainly played my part in that, but I am not driving it. Like, I’m over it all. What happened, happened. It was what it was what it was. And it’s all good really. But, at the same time, there are things I could no longer accept in my life, if we should mend things. 

I can no longer tolerate the constant negativity towards all things me. It doesn’t matter what I do, I am wrong. I’m not doing enough. But, this negative viewpoint, I feel, stems a great deal from the fact that she is monitoring my life by a different gauge than I am. My mother does not know anything that has happened to me in the last 20+ years. I have told many stories of my Journeys in this blog, some more than once. She has never heard a one of them. This is her choice. She has had no interest in any part of my actual life since the day it changed. She has never shown any interest in hearing anything. And, I only bring these things up when I find them to be relevant, or if I am asked about them. 

That’s been one of the biggest issues. She wants me to be ‘normal’ and do ‘what everyone else does.’ But I don’t really have that option. The Shaman is right. My life is not ‘normal.’ I honestly don’t think it ever has been, but certainly not for the past 20+ years. 

23 years ago I made a deal, a promise.

22 years ago, I fought to stay alive to fulfill that promise. 

Since then, my life has been a whirlwind. Here is the biggest thing I have taken from my experiences - that deal supercedes my life. It doesn’t really matter what I want to do or desire. I will always have exactly what I need every step of the way. I must simply allow myself to be the tool I was designed to be. Sometimes this is as simple as just going through my day, trying to be as uplifting and positive as possible. Sometimes, it means having things go terribly wrong, all so I end up in the right place at the right time to do what needs to be done. I will always recover from the ‘terribly wrongs.’ I just need to let myself be led. 

This morning, for example. And, it didn’t click until after I was home. 

I had been sitting around thinking about a pack of cigarettes and a soda. I had just enough money to do this. I happened to get that $10 I realized I had due me. I also realized I have another $5 that is coming today. Anyway, I had been thinking about it but putting it off. All of a sudden it was time to go. Like I didn’t even really have time to think about it. I was just up and putting my coat on and grabbing my keys and out the door I went. 

I drove up to The Valley’s Favorite Convenience Store - local branch. Lol. Anyway, I went in and grabbed my bottle of soda. I saw the General Manager there and I had wanted to tell him something. But, anyway, as I approached the register counter he turned and said, “I can take you here.” This is first notable because there was only like one, maybe two, people in line at the other register. He just wasn’t going to make me wait if he didn’t have to. 

I took this opportunity to pass on what was on my mind. I told him I had been in a few weeks ago and had told someone else, but I wanted him to know that I think his store is fabulously run. It is always clean and well stocked and the staff is extremely friendly and helpful. 

It may seem like nothing really. A trifle. But, everything is Precise & Perfectly Placed. Everything. I had to go in that moment, because that was the moment that would allow me that interaction. For whatever reason, it was necessary. Maybe he just needed to hear it. Or maybe he will get some greater recognition. He had given me a survey number to fill out online. This is the first time I have been given one of those that I actually came home and did it. So, maybe he will get something good from it. 

Or...maybe it was all so that I could get that survey ticket, fill it out, and win the $500 gift card that goes along with it. That would be something, wouldn’t it? Imagine that. I wouldn’t have to worry about gas for The MattMobile for about 3 months if I used that gift card for nothing else. I’m not attaching myself to that. But, it is now an actual possibility. No matter what the case though, I know the job was done. What was meant to happen, happened. 

It’s easy to glaze over these moments and not see the Divinity within them. They are ordinary, commonplace, day-to-day types of things. I myself might have looked over it had I not had that strong drive to jut get up and go right that moment. 

My mother does not know that side of my life. They have often told me I was ‘off’ or ‘crazy’ because of how I view life and moments. But, this is what I have come to know. It works. It is what it is. I imagine she still believes that my three Quests were mere frivolity, recklessness, and irresponsibility. She does not know that I received The Call to take them. There was purpose behind each one. And, on each one, time and time again, I would find myself exactly where I needed to be when I neede to be there and it was Divine. 

That’s all I’ve got for now, Fellow Travelers. I may write tomorrow. I just do not see how I will be able to post tomorrow. I am preparing to not have any connectivity with my phone for a day. But, who knows, perhaps I will miraculously find the money I need to pay the bill before payday. Or maybe there will be some glitch in the system that buys me enough time to make it right. It wouldn’t be the first time for either of the scenarios. No matter what happens, even if I am incommunicado for a day, it will happen Precise & Perfectly Placed for whatever reason it serves. 

Until next time...Peace and Blessings.