S2:EP11 - The 2019 Chronicles; Freedom’s Round-Up

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Yeah, it’s true. 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co. 

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

PDT

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Bassett Hound

The Mudder

Hoagie Snowflake

Danny Boy

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

The Anomaly

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

My Belle

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous. 

It is…Wednesday, July 17, 2019. Time...Remembering

.Theme of the Week – I Just Don’t Know (And, That’s OK)

Lesson of the Week – Appreciation

Observation of the Week – It Really Does Take Care of Itself

It’s been a very strange time. My mind hasn’t even caught up with it all yet. But, I think it’s starting to now...and it has become unsettling.

For 20+ years, I have claimed to be a man of Faith. I lived Faith, I spoke Faith...I followed Faith. 

For those same 20+ years my life has been a shit show. [But, different than the shit show that preceded it.] I have been swept from job to job, with many gaps in between. I have learned numerous ARTs and Crafts. I have had, and tried my best to raise, to beautiful young women.

I have lived mostly at my parents, but, along the way, I also lived at Mama’s grandmother’s, in an apartment (briefly), in my vehicle [twice now,] and in a Treehouse for a few months. 

I lived over a decade single and celibate. I had absolutely no intimacy at all in that time.

I have had many an adventure, watched many amazing, perhaps even miraculous, happen, and I have accumulated a small library of stories. I have had moments that change the perception of what is.

Along the way, I would be inspired to a great number of things - The ARTs for the New Millenium [and how they really do teach us life skills - the subtle ones, the important ones,] JustUs Productions [A cooperative network of Artisans and entertainers working toverhear to entertain, enrich, and educate the community,] The 7 Selves [just another way to understand who we are,] The Rabbit Hole: Coffee Bar and Emporium [my Mecca, my oasis,] The 13 Teachings of The Christ [I do t even fully understand this one myself yet, but it’s interesting so far,] The Ministry, Perfectly Imperfect Gifts, and of course, this blog. [Nothing has really come of any of it.]

I have struggled financially. In fact, it has been a pattern and a cycle. [I seem to be living the epitome of that cycle currently.] 

Through it all, I have proclaimed Faith - a belief that, no matter how bad it is getting, it is all for the best. I fully believed that one day, if I kept on the path, it would all turn around. I believed there was purpose to the struggle. 

And, now here I am.

Let’s look back at the last 6 months.

In January, I was working at The Theatre. It was a different kind of show and the hours were minimal. I tried to fill in where I could, but at the same time, I was starting things with The Middle School. So, my days were always divided with that in the middle. 

DOC: Ooh, I get it!

WALT: That was slick.

Dude, seriously, no pun intended. 

I’m not even sure what else was going on. January is really quite the blur.

I know things were good at The Theatre. There was talk of advancement and salary and raises. There was talk about a lot of things. A lot of talk.

In late January, I would also begin working on The Production at The College. Both this, and The Middle School, would become slightly bigger bites than I was truly prepared to handle. 

So, my days and nights were now divided among The Theatre [My Sustenance,] The Middle School [My Give-Back,] and The Production [My Passion.]

I was definitely on a high. Along the way, The Theatre even asked me to sub for 3 performances of one of the shows.

In my mind, it seemed, life was finally coming together. I was building new relationships and fostering long standing ones. I was taking on new challenges, but still using skills that I had, most definitely, earned on my Journey.  

All in all, things were balancing out and for the first time in decades there was actually a ‘promise’ of growth.

The Middle School could lead to an annual gig. I would hope it does but I have not heard anything for certain at this point. During the process, I even had an idea for a possible after school club.

The Production was leading to potential roles in the future, one that would even pay. 

And The Theatre, well The Theatre was magickal.

The Bosses have been making plans for the future. They have been planning it for some time but just haven’t been able to put all the pieces together at the same time. 

One particularly potent, spiritually charged night, I would stumble upon those plans all on my own.

Before they had even confirmed the notion, it was my mission. I was committed to seeing it through, “in whatever way I can best serve.” 

That is precisely what I told the Lil Boss that very night. I can remember The Anomaly was there. She kinda looked at me funny and said, “What are you gonna do give them the money?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

I didn’t know. I only knew it was My Mission - especially after the notion was confirmed.

I’ve been on enough Missions in my life to at least recognize the routine. I don’t always understand it, but I am definitely beginning to recognize it. [Ok. Not beginning. I’ve recognized it for some time. I just don’t understand it.]

For the first time ever, I stepped forward and confessed to The Lil Boss what my life truly has been - The Missions and Quests and Magicks. I told her that I believed The Theatre was my last. 

I believed this because not only was this the first time I would tell anyone some of what goes on behind The Curtain [The first since The Original Trio,] But it was the first time that it was spelled out so clearly to me. I was dragged to Phoenix, AZ [by the skin of my teeth, I might add.]

WALT: You had…

Yes! Yes, I had a whole, complete, pretty set of them. Thank you very much. I also had a full head of hair at one time in my life. 

WALT: Ah, the good ole days.

Anyway, I was swept away to Phoenix and wasn’t told what was happening until it was happening.

So, it was not only made clear to me and also to someone else, for whatever reason, but there was another first. It was the first time that The Mission was right here at home and such a large part of my existence. 

For many months, life was good and magicks flowed freely. It was quite splendid. I mean, not only was it fun to observe, but it felt so good to be someplace that I could be all of me - openly and freely. 

I would begin to form relationships with everyone around me, even some of the actors along the way. This included The Big Boss. And, I would have to say our relationship was...unique.

Nonetheless, they knew who I was and why I was there and we were on a course for the future. Even The Occurrence In December did not seem to unravel the workings.

But, somewhere, they have become unraveled. I am still working and doing my jobs. But, the associations have shifted and the magicks have ceased. These days, I spend most of my time keeping to myself. And, none of the things that have been talked about were ever talked about again. [As in committing to a plan and agreement.] I mean we were already under one agreement. If they moved forward with their plans they were guaranteed to have me until the end of the 2020 Season. This is our ‘Contract.’ So, where did it all go wrong?

But, I digress…

WALT: See my surprise face?

Back in January, when this all begins, things were still good. Plans were being made. I was even planning my year. Things I wanted to accomplish, how I was going to manage my projects and life. I was even making financial plans, based on the promise of the future at The Theatre but also the extra monies that I would be making from the The Middle School, and The Theatre Show, and my tax refund. Plus, there were still whisperings of that other paid performance. 

Then it happened.

The Cycle began again. It seems every time I start to feel like I have a foundation to work with The Cycle begins. When The Cycle begins, suddenly everything crashes and burns. Life tends to come to a screeching halt and all plans fall apart because the foundation crumbles.

It happens in a variety of ways. 

Sometimes it is an act of G-d, such as The Cave-In, or the back injuries. 

Sometimes it is an ego thing. Such as with a variety of employers. Now, I’m not saying my ego was always out of whack but it was definitely a driving factor and not always clearly focused.

Sometimes it is an Incident with Craze & Co., such as That Time I Went to Prison...or this past February 8th. Now, these incidents are definitely ego driven but it is a different kind of struggle. There is history there. Over the years, both sides of this struggle have gotten out of control.

So, back to February 8th. Now, I know I’ve told the story to the best of my ability elsewhere in this blog, so I won’t tell the whole story again.

In summary, there was another typical Geistopia Incident of something small blowing up into something much bigger. This time, however, it resulted in me walking out of the house and, except for once in the few days that followed, I have not been back. 

Was it ego? I don’t know. I only know that something inside me snapped. In that moment I was just done. All the years of this behavior, on everyone’s part. Of course, they’d say it’s my fault and I’d say it’s theirs. Somewhere in between lies the reality of it all. That is why for some time I had asked for a discussion, but with a neutral third party mediator. I recognized that we could not sit down and have a rational discussion without someone getting all bent. This was never to happen.

But, here we were, another heated argument over nothing, things getting way out of control, and all this talk of ‘our house.’ They weren’t wrong. So the only way to break the pattern was to leave it. And that’s what I did.

I went about my day that day. I worked at the theatre doing prep, then I went to The Middle School, and finally a rehearsal at The College. It was the day as the day was planned. Except, I didn’t have my food, or my coffee [because I couldn’t get them finished throughout the battle,] nor did I know where I was going to sleep that night.

After rehearsal, I would go and park the car in a lot. That’s where I would sleep for the night, and every night after for about a week and a half. 

I think we were at the coldest point in the year. I was running my car for about 10 minutes every two hours to stay warm. On the three coldest nights, The Bosses let me crash at The Theatre.

Eventually, The Putter would offer me use of The Treehouse. All I needed was a heater. And, the other stipulation was that I had to get the electric from...Geistopia.

The very same day this was discussed, $100 cash made it into my hand. $40 of that went to a heater and the next day I was living in The TreeHut.

Life continued on. I did not stop. I continued every day at one, or some combination, of my three places. I slowly settled into The TreeHut. 

At the end of February was The Production. It was splendid, truly it was. I am so glad that I got to be a part of that group for just that short while. However, it had me missing two full weekends at The Theatre. I was not in any way anticipating that when I signed on. One weekend, sure. But not two.

We got through that and suddenly it was March. There was a show going at The Theatre, but almost to the end of its run. I still had The Middle School and, now along with it, The Gala at the end of the month.

The Gala, too, would have me missing some work time due to rehearsals for the performance. As the director, it was my obligation to chaperone the kids. Plus, I would miss again for the performance night itself.

The same week as The Gala is when rehearsal began for the new show, the one I was to be in. I got minimal rehearsal time, mostly because of my schedule but also, beachside they used the actual actor. I watched a few rehearsals when I could but there was so little going on for my roles. I could sit through a whole rehearsal for 30 mins of blocking I need to pay attention to and that would be broken up into much smaller pieces. Still, I tried.

And, I continued to plug away at my regular duties, plus ran The Middle School. 

Overall, The Middle School was much, much more than I had ever anticipated going into it. First, I expected to have a choreographer. But, The December Occurrence would out an end to that. 

Then there was the cast chaos. I had kids not showing up to rehearsal and nothing to rehearse. I had kids just disappear and quit. I had kids join, quit, rejoin...quit again. 

Every time I thought I had my cast in order it would change and I would have to redo everything that was done. This put a crunch on everything. I was already doing the job of four different people - director, musical director, choreographer, and designer (set and costume.) 

I was also the whole of the stage crew for most of the process. 

All of this chaos, once again, had me missing more work than originally planned, because suddenly the Wednesdays and Thursdays I was going to work

 I needed to rehears The Middle School.

This would be how I moved through April - constantly on the go. I was in The Theatre 5-6 days a week, putting in whatever hours I could before I had to run to The Middle School. There was at least one day when I went to the school, then to work, back to the school, and back to work. 

It was about this time I noticed the first shift with The Lil Boss. By the end of April it would be I. Full gear and so would I. 

I was really constantly in the go trying to keep up with my job, get caught up on the show and get started on the sets. All the while, I am still trying to learn this show for the end of the month.

I videoed the dress rehearsal and set about watching it over and over again. This was how I was going to learn it all -the blocking, the lines, the songs. 

I would end up with two rehearsals in the stage with the cast. One was a full run through and the other was a speed through of only my scenes. Neither included costumes. 

I ended up doing only 2 performances and it may have been a good thing. I was not up to speed in my own acting process to take the stage for an audience. I was probably a week behind when I did take the stage. As I wrote before, this was far from my best work and I suspect the Lil Boss felt the same way. It was shortly after these performances that her dynamic shifted greatly. This is when she started getting more distant, snippier when she spoke to me, finding problems with everything, random conversations happening around me. It started here, but it took a few weeks to really kick into gear. 

I did my second performance at the end of April. His left me with one week before The Middle School. One more week to finish a set that was barely started. One week to choreograph 4 numbers and two more scenes. One week to get a show on the stage.

I was an absolute mess. So much chaos and pushing and going. 

The Middle School wouldn’t end there. I had one week after the show to get the stage back to normal. In that week there would also end up being small sample performances to be given to visiting 5th graders. I had not calculated for any of this. So, once again, there was some work missed. This was mostly an hour here or an hour there though.

The end of that week would find me at the end of The Middle School [mostly,] the end of the current show run at The Theatre, and the end of being in the TreeHut. 

Sunday, May 12, 2019 marked the end of one life and set me on course to a new one I suppose.

The next two weeks at The Theatre would be rehearsals for the next show, the one we are currently on and ending this weekend. This time usually finds me looking for hours. It’s not the usual run of things. 

So, going into the first week, I made a list of things to work at during the interim. The list was based on my own system of things that get done between shows and miscellaneous things that had come up in conversations along the way. It was a long list, but I also didn’t know how long some of the things would take me - such as painting the dining room tables. 

Somehow, I still found myself in and out of The Theatre. I was still on the go even though everything seemed to come to a halt in my life.

I chopped away at the list over the two weeks, doing what I could, when I could. It was all very chaotic. Some of this was due to me trying to avoid people. It was bad enough I was adjusting to my new life in The MattMobile, but there was also the added tensions of whatever this energy shift was with The Lil Boss.  I also found that I was completely exhausted. I could only be ‘on the go’ for a couple hours at a time. Then I would just have to rest. I think the push and drive of the three previous weeks had finally caught up to my mind and body. [Or, they caught up to it. I don’t know.]

And amidst all this I found myself in new Missions. There was a lot of time spent with The Putter and his Safety Patrol.i was also tending to both The Professor and Hoagie quite often. 

I managed to get through most of the list, as I said. I don’t finish the tables, but that’s because they were covered in things I couldn’t move. I didn't get the alley swept, but that’s because the two days I put it on the tressle board it rained. And, I didn’t get to the staff restroom but it had just been done recently and wasn’t a priority to me, just something I’d like to move into the system of things. 

Of course, I was living in The MattMobile. So, my nights were spent in various parking lots. My days were spent running between The Theatre, The Missions and various parks, strewn here and there. I did have occasional refuge at The Professor’s once or twice a week, and I was also able to shower there once or twice a week. I only did these on the same night from time to time.  So, I spent a lot of time there, using it to make sure he ate and things were cleaned up.

This would carry me through to the end of the month, and June, well June is really kind of a blur. 

Before June would hit, there would be a trip to Wisconsin. [Which would also cause some tension with work when I missed an unexpected day.]

Over the last two weeks, things have gotten a little better at The Theatre, but they are still very different. The damage has been done and the dynamic cannot be healed until a conversation can be had. I don’t know how possible that is or when it could happen.

In the meantime, I am still living in my car. I will be doing this for an indefinite amount of time.

Financially, I always seem to be behind myself. I am usually into my paycheck before it is deposited. This has been the cycle for many months of pay periods.

If I do happen to see some ‘extra’ money there is always a list of things to eat it up - oil change, new shoes for work, new shoes in general, etc. And, little by little debt increases. [Look at that, I really am no different than anyone else.] 

I struggle with making life different or better. On a daily basis, I gave a host of challenges that are normally overlooked - where to sleep, where/what/how to eat [Just Enough,] where/when/how to shower. Added to that every day I must be cautious and diligent. I am a vagrant, a drifter. As I’ve learned recently, I must always be looking over my shoulder. If it is not just being aware of my surroundings for safety sake, it is having to be aware of those who see me as a potential threat.

When you have no place to go, staying in one place too long, can make you a suspicious character. I do not need to draw suspicion nor attention to myself. 

I look at all that is written here, a summary of my travels through this thing called life, and I think, “Faith brought me here?”

It’s almost enough for one to challenge the notion of Faith, isn’t it?

I sure think so.

But that which is written here is nothing more than a cursory glance at the outside of my life - what can be seen by all. This Journey has worn many other faces. 

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

JOHNNY: And Johnny…

Doc: Unt me…

And, all of those guys, wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT:…and Freakishness, baby! 

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” Also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist. 

Totems:

Dragonfly - The Power of Light