The Death of a Salesman

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, September 7, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Jive. Time...Rough

The Post

This could be a hard read because I think it is going to be a hard write. I'm not in my usual headspace. Though the headspace I am in seems to have become my new norm.

It was one hell of a week. I don't even know.

Once again, nothing really flowed the way I was planning or shooting for - especially delivery driving. I lost my standing with DoorDash during the move process and now I am limited to driving when they allow. And I can't do UberEats until I officially have another vehicle. So sometimes there just isn't enough work available.

This was made a little tougher because I returned to the Seasonal Store this week. I went back to help get the store open. That's been tougher than it should be. First, we don't have the crew that we should because they moved the opening back by about 3 weeks. So we have none of the student employees. I've honestly never seen a store set up with so few employees working. So in general it's been going slow. Plus the building A/C hasn't been working which has slowed us all down. Me especially. That kind of heat weakens me quickly.

Nonetheless, I've had to go in during the day which takes me off the road for a few hours. But I get so worn that I can't do anything after. In fact, I didn't go in on Saturday because the A/C still wasn't fixed and we had a matinee at The Theatre. I just couldn't risk it.

The show is going good. The cast just keeps getting better and more intense every time they hit the stage. It is just such a thrill for me to see them at work. And they're all so nice. Really.

I finally have The Cave under control. There's still some clutter to take care of but it is all mostly small things that need to find a home. [Now that there is space to be a home.] Now I can get Sparky Wentz-eslas over to finish hooking up the outlets we started 7 years ago. Once that is done I can rearrange once more so the workshop side is set-up and functional. From there on I can be here to eat, sleep, or craft. Other than that I need to try to stay away as much as possible - because that was the deal I made.

It was a hard week on me physically. I've been struggling more and more each day. At first, I was assuming it was just recovering from the move and the rehearsal schedule. Now I'm pretty sure it's just the simple fact that my body gets no real comfort or relief at any given point. It's just something I am going to have to get used to.

Last night and this morning I wasn't feeling well. In fact, my stomach still isn't right.

Before I get into the post title and my opening paragraph, I want to tell you about the flies.

When I first arrived at The Cave 2 weeks ago I had these 2 flies that just would not go away...and they were quite the pain in the ass. I begged them for days to just leave me alone. I didn't care if they stayed but they needed to leave me alone. They wouldn't. I begged them some more, telling them that I didn't really want to kill them [because I don't like killing anything.]

This went on for a few more days. Finally, I reached my end. But, I decided, that before I jumped to drastic measures, I would look them up as Totems. There was plenty of information there - both positive and negative - that made sense. I had hoped that after I acknowledged and accepted such that they would go away. They did not. So, before I left for the day, I announced that I would be buying fly strips that day. Which I did. When I got back that evening, they were gone. I haven't seen them since [but for just a moment today.]

I was once told that I could sell ice cubes to an Eskimo.

I suppose this is very true.

I've had sales jobs. I didn't do well at most of them because I wouldn't use that gift. The only place I ever really used it was the Seasonal Store - because my only motivation was making sure the customer put together the best possible costumes they could.

However, in my personal life, I have always been able to talk just about anyone into just about anything. When I was younger, I used the power of the silver tongue for bad. You could definitely call it manipulation. Fortunately, I grew out of that. [Of course, not before racking up quite the Karmic bill.]

In my later years, I learned to use it more positively - trying to keep people looking on the bright side of life. Now you could call it motivation. I can put a positive spin on anything. Even in the shit show that is my own life. I've been doing it since November 14. I did it all through the eviction.

Lately, I have been reminded of this as I watch videos from a month ago. But the power of that reminder seems to fade quickly.

I'm struggling.

More and more every day I find that I have less and less passion or zest for living and life. I don't even find enjoyment in driving anymore. DRIVING! I have reached a level of depression I haven't known since 2018 when I was willing to take my life. Don't worry, Fellow Travelers, I'm not quite back to that point yet. Though, if I'm being honest, every night as I lay down to sleep there is a little part of me that secretly hopes it is the last time. When I wake in the morning, that same part suffers a bit of disappointment.

Each day, I brush that disappointment off and put my best foot forward. I wield the silver tongue and convince myself that it is all part of the plan and there are better days ahead. I try to make the most of each moment.

When I am around others, I put on the happy face - filled with as much positivity as I can feign. When I am alone, I cry more than I care to admit. I am just so miserable. I feel like the so much of my life has been pointless.

I've had the most incredible adventures and experiences. But they matter not. I tell the stories but no one gets it. Most don't even care. They look at me like I'm crazy. They miss the Divine altogether.

I went through so much over the past 7 years. 4 years of homelessness, 3 years of working almost every single day, a stroke - all to find myself right back from where I was trying to escape.

But, if I want to survive and recover it is were I must be. Though I am beginning to wonder if survival is worth how I feel being here.

I gave The Princesses all my love and focus and devotion. And now, they demonstrate often that they have no interest in me. Honestly, I think they could care less if I exist or not. I guess it's what their stepdad said to me many years ago, "One day they'll grow up and know the person you are and want nothing to do with you."

Of course, that makes me think of what my dad use to say to me, "If anyone likes you it's because they don't really know you."

Perhaps they're both right. Sooner or later everyone writes me off and walks away. Perhaps no matter how hard I try, I am just not a good person. I try to be. I do. I try to be encouraging and helpful, understanding and patient. I try to lift people up and encourage them towards hope. But, I guess it doesn't matter. Sooner or later, everyone ends up not liking me.

I'm getting tired of my body. I have a spirit that is so ready to go and do...and a body that just can't. I'm tired of having to think every time I take a step. I'm tired of not being able to do simple tasks. I went to breakfast with a friend and he saw how I struggled just to reach for the salt.

These are my struggles. These are the thoughts and feelings that I wrestle with daily. I fight to keep my faith. Earlier this week a meditation brought, "give it 3 weeks." So, the end of the month. But I don't know what to believe anymore. Nothing through the eviction process seems to have been accurate. Nothing. I've never experienced that before.

So, I push on. Every day I drift about aimlessly and hopelessly. I am filled with so much frustration and hurt and anger. I have no place to vent it. Nothing to do with it except let it simmer until it is gone.

I want to know when, "You will be broken down to nothing," starts to become, "so you can be built up stronger." Every time I start to make decent progress in my life something breaks me down to less than what I was when I started. The past 10 months are the perfect example of this - TWICE!!

I put on the happy face when I get with others and I keep the misery for all the times I am alone. It is getting harder and harder to recognize the blessings, to see the beauty, to spread the love.

The silver tongue has tarnished.

The salesman has died.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt. And there is the newer TikTok @WTML23

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak

Bee – Fertility and the Honey of Life

Symbols for accomplishing the impossible. Examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you taking the time to savor the honey of your endeavors or are you being a workaholic? Are you attempting to do too much? Are you keeping your desires in check so they can be more productive? Are you taking time to enjoy the labors and activities you involve yourself in? No matter how great the dream there is promise of fulfillment if we pursue it.

Butterfly – Transmutation and The Dance of Joy

The process of metamorphosis should be studied closely. Make note of the most important issues confronting you at the moment. What stage of change are at in regards to them? You may have to examine and determine what you wish the outcome to be, and how best to accomplish it. Was a symbol of the soul. Was a symbol of conjugal bliss and joy. A symbol of change, joy, and color. There has long been an association in folklore between those of the Faerie Realm and butterflies. They remind us not to take things so seriously within our lives. They awaken a sense of lightness and joy. They remind us that life is a dance, and dance, though powerful, is also a great pleasure. Can be reminders to get up and move for if you can move you can dance. Look at how much or how little joy is within your life. Lighten up. Look for change. Don’t forget that all change is good. Reminds us to make changes when the opportunities present themselves. Transformation is inevitable. Growth and change does not have to be traumatic. It can occur as gently, as sweetly, and as joyfully as we wish.  

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

 When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places

A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind. 

Grasshopper – Uncanny Leaps Forward

Get off the haunches and move. Take a chance; take a leap forward. Others may seem to be progressing while you are sitting still. Do not let this discourage you. There is about to be a new leap forward – one that will probably carry you past others around you. Trust your own rhythms and instincts. What works for others will not necessarily work for you. Listen to your own inner voice.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill. 

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dark of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy. 

Vulture - Purification - Death and Rebirth - New Vision.

A guardian to the mysteries of life and death and the road of salvation. A coming time when you will be noticed more for what you do than how you appear. You will probably start to see auras and energies around people and things. Distributing one’s energy so that gravity does not weigh and hold one down - be it the actual gravity of the earth or the gravity of mundane situations and experiences. Associated with higher forms of discrimination. Assist you in developing your own sense of ‘smell’ that you can use effectively in all areas of your life. Aromatherapy. Changes in the digestive system. Pay attention to how you feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually after eating various foods. Acting rather than talking. May take as much as three months before an individual begins to truly move past the death stage to rebirth. A promise that the suffering of the immediate was temporary and necessary for a higher purpose was at work. Reflects that no matter how difficult the life conditions, rescue is imminent in your life.