Catching a Breath

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

9:43 AM

Today is very odd. I'm really not sure what to make of it.

I woke this morning to learn that I will not have work today. This not only messes with the rest of my week but really put today into a sort of tailspin. I was not expecting that at all and suddenly I find myself very…discombobulated. There are 1,000 things I could do to take advantage of this unexpected time and yet I can't quite put my finger on any of them. I can't find a groove for the day. I'm almost wandering in circles.

All the while, I can't help but recall that last night as I lay on the couch, standing on that fine line between this world and the next, I once again heard the word, "Tomorrow." This is such a favorite for Divinity and me anymore. So often, that is the word I am given. The only word. And, very often, I do not know what it means - even after 'Tomorrow' has passed.

Today feels like one of those days.

There have been so many energies lately. Perhaps I am just being given a day of rest.

There have been many deaths around lately. No one directly close to me but some by association. But just in general in the world there have been many passings recently. It is that 'clearing' time of year.

I also had a house cleansing/blessing, followed by a Reiki session the other day. All of that was very intense. The session was intense. The day leading up to it was intense and the even the day after. It took me almost a full 24 hours to start feeling grounded once more.

I want to take a moment to note that it is the beginning of the new cycle of the moon. We are in the waxing crescent.

All across the board things have been very intense. And, yet, nothing I am unaccustomed to at this point. Yule worked as Yule always works. Starting with Halloween it would become a focus more and more with each passing week…and then each day. It didn't seem to matter what else was going on in my life, such as work, I was under the veil of Yule. Looking back I can see the haze I was in. From Dec 21 to Jan 1 I was on autopilot. It was an incredible sensation and some of the most amazing things happened along the way.

Normally, I would have recovered in the week since then, but this year it has been different. This year, I had work to which I would return. This year I had other glitches along the way. I came out of Yule into work into 48 hours of spirit world for the Reiki session. And, just as I was getting grounded from all of that it was time to get up and start all over again with a funeral yesterday and now another on Thursday.

I am getting there. Little by little things are falling into place (As they always do.)

Now I have this crazy week with work - trying to recover from not having work today (not that there wasn’t work to be done) and then having to adjust my hours for Thursday.

I've been on this really crazy trip lately. I'm jumping planes very frequently. I am constantly returning to moments in the past, but in those moments I am grooving on the future I would be in now. It's like I have found the point in time/space where the two moments meet. I flashback only to realize that back then I was very in tune with the now I am living and was frequently flash-forwarding.

For me, this explains many of the difficulties that I had back then (and since), externally as well as internally. I feel very at peace currently. Very settled and in my place. I feel home again. I feel as I believed I did way back then. Only then, I wasn't able to have the experience. There was so much confrontation from those around me and so much confusion within.

I always knew who it was I would be and I tried too soon and too fast to just be in that life. I struggled and I fumbled. I became clouded and confused. I lived in darkness but could only see the bright light within (even when I was looking at something entirely different.)

The circumstances and situations of my life have not changed but suddenly everything seems very fluid and even paced. There has been flow and abundance (of all shapes and sizes.) It is almost surreal. I believe there is a part of me that is having trouble processing the 'perfection' of it all.

I am content for the first time in a long time.

I still fumble and I still have issues and blocks but I feel…free. I feel balanced and comfortable in a way I really haven't since this all began so many years ago.

I am trying to capture things the best I can. As soon as I realized the potential in what was happening I began. First with pictures and then I saw a grander scheme before me. I try to journal but it comes and goes. Somewhere, somehow though, I have captured this journey since last June (earlier if I think about it. And it is earlier that gives way to now.)

I am trying to be productive and patient all at the same time. I am taking what the world gives me and working with it one piece at a time. It seems like it is the same old, same old.

Just as I was ready to just let things go for a while there is a small influx of ministry work. First the horse farm, then the tarot party and now this latest client - who was so pleased that she set out trying to promote me. So I must give the ministry some focus. I must nurture it without forcing it or neglecting it.

The same is true for the crafting. The energies are there. Projects are available to work on. Potential for profit is seen. There is life and it must be tended to.

JustUs video is having a slight flux at the moment.

Gigs have been good.

There is still the world of shops to investigate.

I am diving into the world of online selling after a many year hiatus.

WTML seems to want another go around.

Each of these has its own system, procedure, needs, supplies, etc. So it has been taking quite a bit for me to continue to feel productive.

But its all good.

Ok I am zoning now. Time to stop and move on.