Deja Delusional

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, February 9, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Jive. Time...Relinquished

Theme – The Divine Hand

Lesson – Make Believe, It Is So

Observation – It Works If You Work It

The Post

 As Much as Things Change They Stay the Same

No matter what else can be said about my life right now, there is so much of it that is familiar. Familiar from the past. Familiar from the future. Well...the future of the past which is now the present. [But that's a whole different discussion.] The point is that for all the chaos and uncertainty there is also such an air of familiarity.

[Hmm. Perhaps that is why I had so many moments of Deja Vu this week.]

I spent the better part of the week cleaning the main part of The Homestead. By cleaning, I also mean organizing and tweaking and cleansing. I went through every drawer, closet, cabinet and shelf. I spent days going through and sorting and reorganizing little piles of stuff and papers and wires.

The process consumed me. I was thrown off course in all other areas of my life. I wasn't following my daily routines. I wasn't really eating. I could focus on nothing else from the time I woke until the moment I fell asleep once more.

But it wore me out. My days became a steady rotation of productive activity and sitting in my chair. I could only go for so long and then I'd have to rest for quite a while. That's how it went every day - all day - for four days.

At first, I wasn't so sure about putting so much focus into it. But as I trudged on - and certainly now that I am done - I am glad I did it. For several reasons I am glad.

First - it's done. It was all stuff that I have been wanting to do and go through for some time. Sometimes it's hard to say just how things en up like that, but in this case I know. It's just the way life unfolded. Lots of shifts on top of each other. I moved stuff in before I had much furniture for holding stuff. So many things found temporary homes along the way. Things are more permanent now.

Second, it's nice to see it done. It's nice to see my home the way I have always envisioned it. [Even before I had it.] Also, Now every time I turn around I won't be visually reminded of 1000 things that I want to do. [I did 900 of them in 4 days.] But, also, this is legit the first time in my life that I have had my living space "complete." It is exactly as I want it at the moment - Set up for daily functioning and designed with long term productivity in mind.

I feel like I am ready for whatever comes next.

Having all this stuff done also frees up my time differently. With all that done, the bulk of my burdens is lifted. I can focus my days differently because I know longer have these seemingly overwhelming tasks before me. In fact, across the board, my "activity" level has shifted. For instance, I also have less administrative stuff to do. I have pursued things the best I can for the moment. So I find I will have a lot more time moving forward.

The question is - how will I use it?

One use is a focus on healing. Without the projects and the constant catching up to do, I can bring more of my focus around to the Daily Routines. I have nothing else to rush off to, so I can take each step slowly as it comes. The Daily Routines themselves are designed for an overall healing. They are not just about the stroke recovery. Though that is a major part of it. They are also designed for dietary changes/shifts. They are designed for spiritual healing with a focus on devotions and ritual. They are designed for emotional healing - which will be measured by the diminishing of my addictions and distractions.

The truth is that so much of that has already shifted. Gaming, for instance. I still play games but the time is more focused and controlled. And there is a lot less of it. Now that I can see a path for productivity I would rather be productive as much as I can in a day. Most of my distractions formed as a result of life in Olde Geistopia. I never really got to live life fyully and wholly while I was there. That's not a statement against anyone or anything. It's just how things were. I had to function around everyone else - What rooms, when and for how long. Not to mention what I could actually be doing. Now I have a life in which I can function how and when I see fit.

I like that feeling.

So, I find most of my distractions have diminished lately. The strongest one so far is also my biggest addiction - smoking. I still have my cigarettes. I had made progress and then slipped backwards quite a bit. Now I need to take up those reins once more and hit it head on again. That is another focus for my new found future time.

I've already made it as difficult as I can on myself. If I want a smoke I have to get all done up and venture out to The Shop to have one. For a while that was convenient because I had things tro take out or bring in. Or, I used the time to sort metal. Now it is becoming more inconvenient. [Truly a distraction.] So, as I set out on this new leg of my journey tomorrow I am going to treat it as a distraction. I have to use the routines to keep me focused and my mind off cravings. When I have a craving I need to find techniques to silence it - such as breathing or meditation. This is not to say that I will have none. I may have some in the day - but none would be the Goal.

As much as I revel in this recent plateau, I am also well aware that it is precisely what I have spent so much of my life avoiding. [What we all spend so much time avoiding.] Time with myself. Time to face myself - to gauge and measure and judge every thought, feeling, and deed ever known.

I imagine there is going to be some sort of big emotional/mental breakdown in my future. Quite possibly right around the corner. I can feel it brewing for a few weeks now...and I have nothing left to deflect it.

Another use of my time is going to be a focus on G-d. I've realized recently just how much of that I have been missing. That's where some of the familiarity creeps in. Way back when - Once Upon Ago - in the beginning, it was easy for me to see and appreciate the Divine Nature of things. I had this appreciation for every moment of living. Recent events - such as The Cleaning - have spawned those feelings, those experiences, once more.

It was such a random and spur of the moment choice. It just felt like the thing to do. It gnawed at me. Once Upon Ago - back in Olde Geistopia - I thrived on the randomness, the seemingly unlikely. It always served some purpose I did not anticipate. This was no different. I found things, resolved things. I watched life shift naturally and of its own accord.

One silly and simple example is my controller. I have a 360 in the office area. It's nice for taking breaks. The controller I have has been malfunctioning. It has a slight drift which I have yet to be able to clear. This has limited me to only one game. I have a turn based game that the drift is less damaging to play. Since the stroke, I could really only play that game anyway. I don't have the dexterity for a heavy game. However, I recently started thinking I might want a new one. I have some lingering Amazon funds. I'm glad I didn't order it.

While clearing spaces I found a bag with four other controllers. I had tried them before. The Boy had tried them. We weren't able to get any of them to work. I decided to try each one with each one of the battery packs. I eventually found a combination that worked. So I have a better controller. I decided to up my gaming just a bit. I have a slow moving RPG that will use more of my left hand but won't rely on it. I figure this is not only fun but also theraputic.

It was also that reminder that if we just slow down and do what feels right that things work out. Those feelings are simply G-d expressing himself.

That, in combination with other experiences, got me to thinking about my relationship with G-d. It was once so easy. Even in the face of such animonisty and condemnation as I got from people. I wasn't always so adept at listening and I very often let my need to be understood and accepted get in my way. But I still found Divinity in everything.

Now is a time to revisit that. I must Zenitate on my Divine Path and worry less about the life I see now. It was another blessing of The Cleaning. I need The Homestead to be warm and welcoming at all times. It is that now. There's still a little tweaking but I can host properly now - guests, clients, spirits - whomever.

One of my deeds with G-d is to eliminate some negativity. I am removing myself from political dialogue and commentary. This has been validated 3 times. 3 times someone has made areference to my posts and how I should maybe chill them out. Each time I had been having those same thoughts. I am also going to remove new from my life for a bit. I was happier when I didn't know the world.

Ignorance is Bliss.

I have The Rocket back. I guess, technically, I am supposed to wait for the neurologist's approval to drive, but I did pass my OT driving assessment. [More than passed.] I may still test the waters this coming week. I have 3 appointments. Each one is only an hour long session. So I may just try it out on my own. It's a 15 minute drive, at best. Beyond that, I may drive to The Meeting Place on Tuesday Night. [Weather permitting.]

I'm still not ready to return to work. I am going top slowly work my way back into that over the next 2-3 months. I figure a few weeks of simple small drives such as appointments. Then I will start trying lunch shifts for a while.

According to my PT, I am at a sort of fork in the road. Either I will continue to push towards improvement or I will become complacent and stay where I am at. He said this is a natural phase for everyone. He also said that it will most likely be a mix of both for a while.

That's how I feel across the board right now. It's like everything is just teetering. All I can do is try to keep the balance until a course is determined.

I still have not heard from disability and funds are drying up very quickly. I don't exactly know how this will play out. But I suppose that is where Faith comes in. At this point, I do not have enough to make it to the end of the month. But then I was looking at that in January as well and here we are.

I've got two mindsets going into these next weeks.

1 - This is nothing I haven't faced before. [Mostly.] I've never really been limited in my options for generating some income. Certainly not for such an extended period of time. Still, even at the worst of times things have worked out along the way. All I can do is live day by day and moment by moment. Just take Each As It Comes. I've done this before. I'm good at it. I thrive at it.

However, this also requires me tio take the uncomfortable moments as well. Such as the struggle I will have with the cigarettes. Many changes. Many focuses. Things I have resisted for a long time.

This is my Deja Vu. I've been here before - many times. It's all too familiar. I've seen all of this before and somehow I get through it.

I must just fool myself into believung I am living the perfect life. It is precisely as it should be and I am where I belong. As I take it day by day I must see in each day the life I wish to live and the person I wish to be moving forward. I must live those things as if they are [even if they are the furthest thing from my actual reality.]

I must also shut out the world beyond my own personal existence. I've never been one to keep up with the world. All the politics and wars and nonsense. I got way too involved over the past year and it hasweighed me down. It's taken focus from The Light.

This is my Delusion. It's actually where ego will come in handy. A complete and total focus on the self. There is no world except the one I create.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt. And there is the newer TikTok @WTML23

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak

Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places

A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind. 

Rabbit - Fertility and New Life

Often seen as an animal that can lead one unknowingly into the Faerie realm. A symbol for sexuality and fertility. Usually, you will begin to see a cycle of 28 days beginning to manifest in your life. Those with rabbit totems will see movement occur in their life in varying degrees of hops and leaps. It won’t be steady step-by-step movement. The leaps and hops do not usually take more than the cycle of The Moon (28 days) to occur. Plan for possibilities. May indicate the need to do some more planning or review those you have already set in motion. You do not want to box yourself into a corner. Important not to foreshadow your moves. Learning to shift from freezing to great speeds will aid in your success and enables you to take advantage of opportunities that may present themselves for brief moments. May need to examine the kinds of food being consumed. For the greatest health and well-being, a vegetarian diet, even if only temporary, will strengthen and heal. How to recognize the tides of movement within your life. This in turn will enable you to become even more fertile in your life. 

Squirrel – Activity and Preparedness

The gray squirrel is the most common and the most enthusiastic. If confronted the gray squirrel will usually run away and avoid any fight. Predominant predators are foxes and raptors such as hawk or owl. Two litters per year. On their own in 12 weeks. All squirrels can be quite sociable. Individuals with squirrel totem learn better by doing than studying. Squirrels are also quite communicative. Examine your own activity and preparedness. Are you too active? Not active enough? Are not planning at all for the future at all – distant or near? Are you becoming too erratic – running to and fro and not accomplishing anything? Do you need to learn how to save and ration on any level – money, time, energy, etc? Are you afraid you will never have enough? Are you too hung up on collecting and accumulating? Are you gathering and not giving? Squirrels can teach us the balance within the circle of gathering and giving out. Masters at preparing. Also reminders that in our quest for our goals, we should always make time to socialize and play.