Ep. 23 - Bouncin' Back (Or, F*ck You, Moon!)

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential, and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and sometimes unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

PDT

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Hoagie

The Anomaly

The Wix-ians

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Tuesday, July 31, 2018. Time...Odd.

Theme of the Week – Feel The Purge

Lesson of the Week – You Always Get What You Need Which Is Not Always What You Are Looking For

Observation of the Week – I am one resilient S.O.B.

Totems – **Squirrel**; Dragonfly; Butterfly; Lanternfly; Fly

So this is kinda new, huh? I’m not sure what’s up with these mid-week posts, but we’re gonna go with it for now. I have a feeling the next two days are going to be challenging, and, with the intensity of the past few days, now seems as good a time as any to make a post.

As you may recall, when we last left, I was still feeling the impact of all of the Lunar things that were happening. And, it did do a number on me. Holy crap. But, I am bouncing back. Not that matters since now I am caught in a Day Before, Day of, Day After Cycle. Tomorrow is Lughnasadh, or Lammas. It is the start of the harvest. I find that very fitting.

For months now I have been trying to ‘get my groove’ on. I was out of sync and I knew it. I just didn’t ever seem able to do anything about it. Looking back, perhaps that was because I was trying to do the wrong things. I’m not certain where my focus was exactly. But, it wasn’t where it is right this moment.

Does it start with the car accident? I’m thinking yes. The car accident was no accident. Spirit was saving my life. [But, for what?] The whole thing was planned out. I can’t remember it now, but I know there was a Message Before The Moment. Even then, it took me several hours to put it all together. The thing that really made it all click, the moment I realized that it was set-up in advance, was that randomly, and out of the blue, the person who could cover my work until I got there was called in to The Theatre for something else that day. So, she just happened to be there.

Oh…did she now? “Just happened…” Nothing ‘just happens.’ And, when something does ‘just happen’ as this had, it’s usually pretty clear that it was not by chance. Nothing about that day was by chance.

I was in a dark and very dangerous place the night before. I was beyond depressed. I’m not sure if it was The Demon or The Daemon who had a grip on me that night. I was out of my head, and given the chance I would have…well, like I said, the accident saved my life. *Deep sigh* It helped me put my head back on straight.

I’m not sure why any of that is relevant at the present moment.

The original message regarding the Lunar happenings was that the energies would last for a few days after the Eclipse. Fine. So like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. No Problem. By Wednesday my life will be back to ‘normal.’ Except that, like I said, today is a Day Before. So, I still have things going on, but the energies are more mellow and milder. They are almost too subtle for comfort.

Monday had started out exactly as I had planned/hoped. I got up and piddled around until it was time for my ‘interview.’ I went and got that all settled and hopefully things will start up next week. Then I did come home to The Garden. This is when things started to get a bit off track for me. This is when I remembered that I am still under the influence of the heavens and realized that a Holi-day was fast approaching.

I did get work done. It took all day, off and on. I got the garden boxes finished and I built the new bed for the mint and got it transplanted. My body hurt only a little. I was still under the influence of the muscle relaxers that I took at bedtime on Sunday. So, I was also a little weak and tired. But, I managed.

I would go through a lot on Monday. Late in the day The Shaman would once again appear with his gifts. I had been questing all day, but now I knew things were about to get serious. Nothing got out of control Again, very mellow, especially when compared to the days prior.

Earlier in the day, I gave into The Garden. I stopped and listened to it. That’s always how I work out there. I can only ever wait for it to tell me what happens next. [For example the step that was put in for the new pathway.] The Garden itself is very indicative of my life lately.

For three years I have been trying to get this project completed. [There’s that time frame again.] This is the fourth summer that I have been at it. In the first year I had completed all of the major tasks. Even the pond and waterfall were in at that time. I got the important fixtures completed and carved out and I would have to wait a season to continue.

The next summer I faced problems I had not anticipated. The waterfall had been destroyed. I do not know if it was the weather, or pesky neighborhood kids, or a combination of both. Nonetheless, I had to tear it down and start from scratch. I never did get back to it. The hose from the pump to the fountain part was chewed at by critters. The pump [whish was never really intended for such use was no longer working. I was facing more challenges than I had counted on.

That was the summer that I would start work at the first Big Box. That was my introduction to being a Barista. I loved the job but it was slowly taking a toll on me. We were constantly understaffed. I was actually working 40 [or more] hours and I was just exhausted every day. That was also the summer that I would meet Her Presence, my dear sweet Alice. And, it would be the summer that The Pillar would be at his peak with me – guiding me hither and yon all across Wonderland. Inevitably, I would stand helplessly by as that whole life crashed and burned before me. And, it was all his doing. [Mostly.]

Once again, last summer I would take another crack at it. This was when I hurt my back the first time. I was moving a rock and…POP! That was just about Midsummer. Nothing would get accomplished that season either.

Suddenly, this season, so many things are coming together. And, new things that I never envisioned before are happening. I’ve been so fascinated watching it all unfold before me. I made an Observation a few weeks ago. I looked at what was happening and what I was using to get it all done. I realized that all this time I have been feeling bad about not getting it done. I have even taken grief about it from the occasional person. Yet, all that time I was waiting for the pieces. They have been under my nose the whole time but I had no idea because they were in the front wall that I had to dismantle for the septic work. The same is true for the step that went in today. Those pieces just came to me recently.

That’s how life feels right now. It’s like I have had all of this stuff I wanted to do but none of the pieces have been in play. Until recently.

It was working in The Garden that I would make this week’s Observation. I was working on the mint bed. I was doing what I always do. I would look at the area I was trying to fill and then I would set off about the rock piles until something jumped out at me. This one rock practically jumped out at me. I grabbed it. Along with the others, and went back to The Garden. What I found was that I just couldn’t make that rock fit where I was working. As I stood there, frustrated and looking about, I saw it. It didn’t go there. It went someplace completely different. Once I had it in place the project picked up momentum.

I believe I also purged The Anomaly. I realized that she has been a distraction. I get so consumed by her that I really can’t think of anything else. [That’s actually in the lyrics of at least one song on the playlist.] In fact, I think I was on a high from all of my moments with her, such as the ‘non-date’ date. I was so uplifted by her, so moved. She is my drug.

Again, it is important to remember that she is ‘here for a reason.’ This I know. What that reason is? I have no clue. For me…for her…hell, today I realized that maybe she is in my life for the same reason that so much else is in my life – The Princesses. One can just never be too sure.

Nonetheless, I need to get beyond this attraction to her. It is standing in my way. It’s such a strong and natural attraction though. She touches me on a soul level that I don’t think I have known before. As I have said, she moves me like only one before her could. But, it’s not the same…or rather, it’s not identical. It’s similar, but it’s not the same.

Don’t get me wrong. I love what she does to me. It’s…incredible. But, it is a distraction. So, I had to try to purge her from my system. The purge hurts when it’s happening, but afterwards one feels so much better. I had to thoughts on how to describe the purge. First, it’s like withdrawing from a drug. You go through several days of pain and misery before your mind and body are clear and free once more. Then I thought about how when I used to drink more regularly and much heavier, I would always come home and be sure to vomit before I went to bed. People would think I was crazy. None of my drinking family could believe that I actually wanted to vomit.

“It sucks when it’s happening,” I would tell them, “but I feel incredible in the morning, and…no hangover.”

So, The Purge is worth it. It’s difficult. It sucks. It can be very painful, but in the end, it is all worth it.

This was no different. I struggled on Monday. But, I did get through it and I came through it with, what I hope, is better understanding and control.

*sigh*

Again, if nothing else, I have to look at what she has already brought me. Right off the bat, she has given me a chance to love. I haven’t had that in so long. For a decade, there has been no one except myself. I mean I have the Princesses but we are a part-time family because of custody and whatnot. So, most of my days are filled with just me.

There hasn’t been anyone to love. I could have loved Her Presence, my dear sweet Alice. I think I could have loved The Girl. But, neither of these things were to ever happen. I pushed The Girl away as hard as I could and Alice was a casualty of The Pillar’s fire.

So, I love her – quiet and to myself, from The Heart. I just need to project it outward without wanting it to come back. I think, maybe, that I have reached a point where I can actually do this. The playlist helped with this. I listened to it over and over and over again as I worked on Monday. My emotions were all over the place. Even in doing that, just the thought of her would make me need to catch my breath. She would make my body quiver. And my spirit.

I listened to that playlist until I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I completely enveloped myself in her time and time again until there was nothing left of me. When I was boy, I would get poison ivy every year. Then one year they started giving me a shot for it. The shot was nothing more than poison ivy. They were injecting it into my system until I had built up an immunity to it. This was no different. I was building an immunity. [The next several days will determine just how successful I was in that venture.]

The other thing she has given me is the playlist. I can’t say enough that I think it is absolutely my best piece of work to date. It’s actually my favorite playlist to work to. It has just the right blend of musical styles and genres. Many of the songs are upbeat and fun. It is a very enjoyable musical journey. The fact that it speaks so much of her just makes it better.

The more I listen to it, the more I realize just how precise so many of the lyrics are. I couldn’t describe my feelings any better than these songs do – in her presence, when I think of her. Everything I hope for and all that I am afraid of. It’s all right there. Even without her, my soul has had the greatest love affair it has ever known and it is all captured right there. I can visit it and know it at any time I choose. Let’s see if that helps me moving forward.

Today was a bit of a void, but that is to be expected of a Day Before. My day started as planned. It started late but I went right to work. However, I was sidetracked. I got a text from The Professor about coming to trim the branches from his driveway. He lives in the middle of the woods and has a very long driveway to his home. It has overgrown with foliage. He has been in the hospital for three weeks, and was fairly indisposed even before that. He has a son, but it seems such things are beyond him. So, I went over and did it. He paid me.

He paid me Just Enough. I was panicking a bit over money. [Just a bit, I swear.] Ok. Maybe panic isn’t the word, but I was aware that getting to the end of the week may be a bit more challenging than I was thinking. Not anymore. I only have two more days before I can begin manipulating the system once more and all is well. [So…thank you for that!]

I returned to Geistopia and worked just a bit at The Garden. This is when the step would manifest itself. From there I was a little lost. Eventually, I started packing up The Cave. I have manifested walling for The Cave and I need to be working towards putting it up.

I have a lot going on at the moment. Where there was nothing with which to work, now suddenly there is work and not nearly enough time. This is something else that is common in my life. All of my projects can come to a screeching halt at the same time and then suddenly and simultaneously they are up and running once more.

Overall I feel good. I am in a complete about face from the end of Sunday’s post. For as beaten and broken as I felt, I am now much more alive and vibrant. I guess the pain does help.

This is how I realized that I am resilient. I try not to give myself credit for things too often but this is a gift I will proclaim. I AM RESILIANT.

“I think I’ve handled more than any man can take…”

My whole life has been about picking myself up, brushing myself off and getting back on the horse to carry onward. I get beaten and broken. Things fall apart. Yet, somehow, I always seem to manage to put something back together.

So, I feel good…for now.

As I said, this post is being written because my Spider-Sense is tingling about the next

few days. Let us see what is to come.

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia this is your beloved Rev wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness, baby!

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” Also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist.