Ep. 24 - Llamas? No Lammas.

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential, and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and sometimes unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

PDT

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Hoagie

The Anomaly

The Wix-ians

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, August 5, 2018. Time...Overwhelming.

Theme of the Week – Every Act is an Act of Magick

Lesson of the Week – Let It Flow, Let It Flow, Let It Flow

Observation of the Week – Things Come to Me as I Need Them

Totems – Bat; Heron; Chipmunk; **Squirrel**; Spider

Well this was a rather intense week. So much going on in such a small window of time…

WALT: Hey, hey, hey…

What? What? What?

WALT: There’s some FeedBack this week.

There is?

WALT: Yes. You…

You?

WALT: YOU…would like to know why there isn’t more interaction on the site. There is obvious activity, with people coming and going – some people coming back repeatedly – so, why isn’t there more audience interaction?

Well, that’s a good question. I’m glad you asked it.

WALT: Not me…you.

Right. You asked a very good question.

WALT: I didn’t ask it. YOU asked it.

That’s what I’m saying.

WALT: But, you’re not saying it that way.

Anyway, it is a good point. Folks, I can’t say enough that half of this project relies on you. Get involved. Feel free to leave comments, ask question or just say, “Hello.” If you like what you are reading, let me know – click on the likes, share the posts. The More; The Merrier. You can always subscribe to the blog on the home page as well.

If you’re new, well then welcome. Take time to look around. Read the posts. Start here and work backwards, or pick a point and read to now. Either way it works. I, personally – just this morning, read backwards about six weeks, to Curse of The Wildwoods. It was interesting to read it backwards. Of course, if you do choose to go back and read forward, I think Curse of The Wildwoods is still a good marking point. It is [about] a six week process. This is actually quite significant.

The Wheel of the Year runs in six week cycles. Such as from the Solstice until the beginning of August. Or, now until the Equinox; to Halloween; to Yule; and so on. In fact, we are just coming off of one of those cycles. From Midsummer to Lammas…

WALT: Llamas?

No. Lammas. It is the celebration of the First Harvest. There is another name for it – Lughnasadh. But, I can’t pronounce it. [Damn Celts.] The Curse of The Wildwoods took place around June 21, or Midsummer. A lot has certainly happened since then. And, there is a lot to harvest this year. I think this is the first year that I have actually seen the harvest before me.

I learned a long time ago that my life tends to naturally follow the cycles of the year. It is all part of my ‘Cycle.’ I described this many, many posts ago, but let’s re-cap. We’ll start with Midsummer:

· Usually, around Midsummer my life takes on some degree of ‘newness.’ It definitely happened this year. Two years ago, I was getting ready to start the Barista job. Last year, it was my back that forced me onto a new path. This also usually involves a life review of some sort as well as a Purge.

· By Lammas, on August 1st, whatever I have myself into is usually what I have going until all the way through Halloween – varying in degree from Lammas to the Equinox and the Equinox to Halloween, or Samhain. With another Purge and review at the Equinox.

· Come All Hallow’s Eve, for all intents and purposes, my year ends. This is not only a calendar event, but every year tends to bring an end of some kind – loss of a job; Mama left in October; My Death. Every year for twenty years, something ends…along with my calendar.

· My calendar ends because the harvest is done and there nothing to do but wait for the spring. From October until Dec. 21 my entire focus of being is on Yule. I immediately go into this mode. Generally, without trying. I craft and I tinker and toy. I put together Yuletide and Christmastime until they are the perfect concoction of hope, love, charity, and faith. I am given my list of the ‘Good Girls and Boys’ and what it is each must receive.

· By Dec. 21st I am in full blown Yule mode. It is not just the Day of Yule, but the celebration as well. For me this is a full 2 weeks. Some may say that it is 12 days. Regardless, it is usually marked in the time between Dec. 21 and Jan 1. In these two weeks, all bets are off and anything truly can happen.

· The month of January is always a ‘dead; month for me. I am usually out of work in January. It will happen again this year because The Theatre’s season ends just before Christmas and the next season’s first show doesn’t open until February. So, in January, I struggle to get by and I piddle about. January is usually my biggest Purge of the year. I put Christmas and Yule away, I get rid of the old to make room for the new. I re-organize and prepare for the year ahead.

· It is in February, after Imbolc, that I see an increase in things each year. Imbolc, being the first heralder of Spring and New Life as certain animals begin to lactate.

· The time from Feb. 1 to May 1 works along the same lines as the August to November run, but the opposite end of the spectrum. Whereas in the Autumn I am bringing things to a close, in the Spring new things are coming in and being given life. It sees the same variations and fluctuations with the Equinox being an apex of activity and purging/reviewing.

· Come Beltane, on May 1st, I can kick back a bit and celebrate that which has been given life in my year. I can look ahead to the work to be completed and anticipate the harvest for the fall.

· Then back to Midsummer.

This is my year. Each and every year for twenty years now. No matter what I think is going on, at any given time, inevitably it comes back to this particular pattern. This is the first year I am actually kind of seeing it laid out before me. I’m also feeling it, I think.

I’ve been feeling something the past several days. I don’t know what it is. I have been peaceful and productive. I have been overly upbeat and positive. [Like, it’s even getting on my nerves a lil bit.] I’ve been feeling it more and more ever since Wednesday, August 1st [2018] – Lammas.

If you have been following along already you may recall that in my last post, which was written on Tuesday night, I mentioned that I had, “a strange feeling about the next two days.” I wasn’t wrong. Holy Crap! I wasn’t wrong.

If you remember, thanks to DancingQueen, I acknowledge all Holi-days as The Day Before, The Day of, and The Day After. If you would like to question the logic or validity of this, allow me to introduce you to New Year’s Day. The Holi-day is Jan. 1st. In my family, we usually get together and have a big dinner filled with pork and sauerkraut. But there is much jubilation the night before on Dec. 31st. We party. We hang out. We play games. All while we wait, with great anticipation, for the moment.

“But, Freedom,” you ask, “what about The Day After? Life goes back to normal on Jan. 2.”

‘Tis true. For most of us, life does return to normal. But, if we’re being honest, are any of us really returning with it? Do we really feel up to it that day, or are we just kind of muddling through? It is like the spiritual hangover from the Holi-day. It truly is, The Day After.

Anyway, Tuesday was The Day Before in this case. It was why I had wanted to do a post. With all of the heavenly happenings of late, I couldn’t imagine that a Holi-day in such close proximity wouldn’t be overly potent as well. I had no f’n clue just how potent. I was in absolutely no way, shape, or form prepared for what Wednesday would become.

It started off fairly normal, actually. There was no real scent of the day on the air. I awoke. I milled about and then went to work. After work, I had the Princesses for dinner. For all appearances, it was…*sings* Just another Manic Wednesday…

WALT: Whoa-oh-oh…

HA!

Any hoot and a holler…After the Princesses left, I was taken on a Vision Quest. It seemed like it came on so suddenly and at the same time I can say that I saw it unfolding. But, never…never in my wildest imagination could I have conceived of what was to come.

[Let me stop for a moment and mention that there is video of this whole experience. I am currently going through it. I’m not sure I want to give a complete breakdown now, since I will most likely have to do the same for the video.]

I think the video was made just as much for my sake as it was yours. I still cannot fathom the vast amounts of information that passed through me, the number of things I was taught or learned along the way, the immense levels of energies to which I would be subjected.

I have done this type of thing so many times before. Much like Wednesday, very often it is a short notice kind of deal. I don’t really think much of it anymore. It has become such a natural state of being for me. That’s how much I have done it. That is just how often I actually receive The Call. [Here and then gone.] I have played all the games. I have withstood the tests. I’ve knocked on doors and passed through gates. I have encountered, and engaged, such a wide array of Spirits.

That is precisely what a Vision Quest is.

To be honest, more often than not, it is mere symbolism. But, still, very often it is just as real as you fear.

Wednesday would push the boundaries of both. I would have to say that The Garden has been officially christened and is in operational order.

Like I said, the amount of information that I processed that night is still mind-numbing. Honestly, I think I am still processing it. So much just suddenly came together. All these pieces that have been kind of floating around suddenly had place and purpose.

In all, it would last three hours. I know this, because the Quest was marked by three doorways. Each would hold me for an hour, starting with The Daemon’s Hour.

Oh, yes.

It’s true.

It happened.

(It’s happening…)

On my Journey, I would return to The Daemon’s Lair. [The real fun couldn’t begin until I did.] In turn, he would once again visit Geistopia. It has been a much different encounter thus far than anything I could have anticipated, and yet, it is everything that I should have expected.

*DEEP sigh*

So, if I get this right, the overall experience lasts up to some point in my Re-Birthday Celebration at the end of the week.

*pensive sigh.*

[Well, doesn’t that lil tidbit of info shuffle things around a bit.]

*frustrated sigh*

Grrrrrr.

This is exactly what I was just bitching about recently. Seriously. This, right now, [the moment of understanding you just watched pass before your eyes,] this is what I am talking about. I seriously don’t think that I ever get done Questing. Ever since Midsummer it has just been one experience after another. [Also, it could be that this experience is divided up into weeks, with this being the first week, the Re-Birthday being week two and so on for up to 8 weeks.] This actually makes some sense.

Anyway…Sorry about that. Revelation happens in its own time. OK. So, Wednesday…

Trying to hit the big points here. There was a major Heart Chakra opening. But, that happened late in the second hour. There were demonstrations of Principles and how to Follow the Hunch. There was ritual and ceremony. I would learn more about The Daemon and then wait patiently for his arrival, counting off the omens as they happened. And, as I said, The Garden finally came to life.

This is precisely the kind of thing The Garden was built for. It was intended to be a Questing playground. It was designed that way - little lessons to be learned by those

willing to listen. The Meditation Platform has made a difference. I didn’t realize just how instrumental it would be.

Thursday I would awake feeling very rough. I got sleep. I just don’t know how much of it. I was struggling to even get ready for work, so I couldn’t imagine how I was going to get through it. I imagined someone asking me if I was alright, because I knew I didn’t look alright, and my only response being, “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. G-d just kicked my ass last night.”

But, it was not to happen. Somehow, by the time I got to work, I was doing fine. Just fine enough to get myself through the day. That was all I could manage, because Thursday night there would be more. [And, yes, I did try to capture that on video as well.]

Overall, it was a review – of what is going on now as well as things still yet to come. We’re going to try to share that review here. See if we can’t get a grip on what we have come through and also set us up for the journey ahead.

Ready?

WALT: Steady.

JOHNNY: Just go!

CHANGE!

Change, Change!

Change, Change, Change!

Have I stressed it enough?

There is change in the air. This is the first point of review. I can feel it. I can almost smell it. There is change in the air. It is big change. Everything is changing. The Cave is changing, as is the workshop – or, The Fortress of Whatitude. The Garden is changing. The yard is changing. Our waste removal system has changed. I’m not driving the same vehicle. My job/income/career is changing. It continues to change. It will change for several months yet. At 13, Cuddlebug is changing.

Everything is changing.

Well, almost everything. Two things have not changed. [Yet.] One is myself. I teeter on the brink of change and then settle back into familiar patterns. I’ve been doing this for a long time, but it has been much more pronounced of late. As seen with The Anomaly.

They are defensive patterns, forged to keep me isolated and safe, protected from all the things in the world that might tear me apart.

They are abusive patterns, designed to hurt and punish myself – just for being me.

They are destructive patterns, clawing and sheering away at my mind, body and soul. They are detrimental to the very foundation of my being.

I know the changes. I know what I must do more of, and…what I must never do again. I’ve known for a long time. There have been occasions when it would seem as though I was making them. But then, one wound, one scar, one heartbreak later and I would easily fall back, because…why not?

What else was there to my life? For twenty years, truly it has been nothing but pain and heartache. I have suffered time and time and time again. Everything good in my life has eventually been destroyed. I’m not talking about separated, gone, hurt or lost. I mean destroyed, completely dismantled. There is never anything left but rubble and rubbish in the ‘AfterMatt.’

I used to try to joke about it, saying that I had, “The Anti-Midas touch,” because everything I touched, no matter how beautiful it was, would disintegrate before my very eyes. Over and over again, I have lost everything. I would scratch and claw and pray and crawl on my belly until I could find something to grab onto and I would begin to build once more. And, again, I could only get myself so far before, like a bad Jenga move, everything would come tumbling down.

Currently, I am re-building once more. I started from scratch. By the time I found work, I had nothing to work with. It is just about six months ago that I began. So much has changed since then. Especially in the work arena.

For the first time, in I don’t know how long, I feel good where I am at. *sigh* I feel good about me. I feel very good about the path that I have been on, despite my contempt for it while it was happening. So, I see no need to continue hurting or punishing myself solely for another person’s gratification or comfort. I Am That I Am. I am not perfect, but I am pretty damn alright. Even at my worst.

It seems that The Universe has been in overdrive recently, reminding me of who I am - who I have always been. There has been a reawakening of a spirit within me that I thought I would ne’er know again. I no longer wish to taint it. So, today I resolve that tomorrow I would like to start anew. Let the changes commence!

The other thing that has not changed is the dysfunction in Geistopia. I am beginning to think that it is eternal. I can’t even tell you how long it has truly been present – 10 years? 18 years? 20 years? 32 years…as long as I can remember?

And, it certainly never goes away. No matter how things may appear on the surface, it is always there, lurking in the shadows and awaiting an opportunity to emerge. As we witnessed twice in The Curse of The Wildwoods. Once it was I and once it was they.

So, I do not know the source of it. It is Control Drama. It is Power Play. If you asked Craze & Co. they would tell you that it is all me. I am the source and I am the problem. But, I have watched. [This is an advantage to never really being seen.] I have watched for years and that same dynamic, that same dysfunction, plays through them with or without me. It merely manifests differently.

Truly, I am at wit’s end with it all. I do not know why it happens. I don’t really understand how it happens. Spirit has been clear, on more than one occasion, that it should be mended. [And, that I should be mending.]

I don’t know how.

I have tried every approach I can think of over the course of the past twenty years. I have tried being an active member of the household, sharing my gifts and knowledge as I could, only to be dismissed and told that I was “trying to take over.” I have tried apologizing for my part in the explosions. This has been to no avail. They accept the apology but they never really forgive. I know this because it will all inevitably come up again the next time there is a moment.

I have tried drifting into the shadows and crouching in the corners. So much, in fact, that more often than not I would be cleaning and caring for the inside of the house in the middle of the night [11-4AM.] Even this has recently been used against me. There is absolutely nothing more I can think of to resolve the dysfunction.

Over the years, I have even taken to looking at it all from a metaphysical/spiritual level. Unfortunately, this only proved to make things much more complicated, mysterious, and frighteningly powerful. There are just way too many factors at play and this is one huge boiling pot. Combustion is inevitable.

There is history. History of the family, not only as a unit but as individuals as well. Each of my parents have brought their own history of years and moments prior to the unit. I have left the unit and brought my history back with me. There is a history attached to every single person that has ever been engaged by The Dysfunction. (Uh-oh. It got capitalized. It is now an entity, an existence all its own.)

You see it hasn’t always been just me and them that have been touched by it. Oh, no. There are times when it would embrace my grandmother and great-grandmother. Or, my father and the neighbor. [Many of them, actually.] Myself and my Godmother.

There is history.

History of the house and property itself. Not just with this family - every moment, large

or small, recorded here - but with the previous family. And, with the family before that…and before that…all the way back to the 3 brothers who would build Geistopia and two adjoining domains.

There is history of the farm that once was. Here’s a quaint lil co-inky-dink – One of my direct ancestors signed as the witness on the deed to the farm that would spawn the village that would one day house Geistopia.

**Director’s Note: If this were a [licensed, and therefore completely legal] video – I would SO play ‘Synchronicity’ by The Police right now**

There is history of The Tribe that had settled, long before it all began.

There is history of The Village.

I was reminded twice this week just how unique and spectacular this village truly is. There is something so peaceful and still about it. There is community among the residents. [Not all the residents with all the other residents, but in definite groups and clusters.] Geistopia’s particular cluster has been the same for no less than 30 years.

There have been slight variations from time to time on the individuals, but the core families have always remained.

We are as neighbors should be. We always have been. Doors have always been open and shoulders to lean on are forever in abundance. We have pulled together in times of crisis and need and we have joined together to celebrate landmark moments. We have given and we have received. We have shared. We have cared. We have laughed and cried and even fought. We are family.

And, our particular cluster of properties is unique as well. We live ‘in the center of town,’ as it were. This is where all the action was. It was home to the Postmaster and The General Store. And, as I peer out the window of The Cave right now, I can see the old man’s original farmhouse.

It is a small street. It is quaint and quiet. It is comfortable. It is peaceful. It is picturesque. It makes everyone who visits feel safe and at home. It is the epitome of rural life. In fact, at one time in my own life we were nothing more than a Rural Route and a Post Office Box. And, when we would get one of those infamous eastern Pennsylvania snows, it would be days, sometimes a week before they would plow us out.

In 30 years, it has not really changed. None of it. Not the face, nor the heart, nor the soul of the village has changed in three decades. All the while, I am watching the world encroach on all sides. Houses and centers and roads….and oh, for the love of G-d, traffic lights. Yet, no matter how close it all gets or how large it grows, it has not really impacted the integrity of The Village itself. I can sit on the front porch of Geistopia and barely, if at all, hear the noise of life from the townhouse development directly off the eastern end of The Garden. It is almost like a vortex.

We have some interesting traffic patterns these days, but that’s nothing new. We’ve always had patterns – times you wanted to be nowhere near the edge of the road and times you knew you could feel free to hop, skip, or jump barefooted across the street to say, “Hey.” The only truly significant change is now they plow through here earlier and more frequently. [This saddens me.]

There is something so…remarkable about The Village. It is a Modern-Day, Poor Man’s Norman Rockwell. It is truly magickal. And, when you know the history of The Village, you can see the magick unfold before your eyes.

It shouldn’t surprise one, then, to learn that not just The Village itself, but Geistopia and the neighboring Putterton in particular, are placed over one of the most powerful energy grids [if not THE most powerful] known to modern man. It is why the Spirits come and go as they do.

For as long as I can remember, there are varying and innumerable tales of Spirit, or Ghost, encounters around Geistopia. My Great-Grandmother used to ‘haunt’ the house for the longest time. Everyone knew it, too. One time I acknowledged her and she acknowledged me back. That was the last I ever saw of her.

When I was a boy my late paternal grandmother would visit me in the night, vunct.

And, of course, in my teens there was the infamous ‘Real Life Poltergeist’ moment. Oh, that story. It’s fun to tell, but still very chilling to remember. Looking back, maybe it was the first time the old woman tried reaching out to us. It was the room she died in after

all. The very room that to this day houses a very, very dark and potent manifestation.

For a very long time, people were afraid of the stairway in Geistopia. I can remember, growing up, my mom’s best friend never wanted to go upstairs to use the bathroom. People would have rather used the outhouse than to face that stairway. [Yes. We had an outhouse.]

Everyone commented on it. There was something so dark and heavy about that stairway. Something that would make the hair on your arms stand on end, just as if something were breathing on the neck. You could feel it…watching. The heart would race. There was something in that stairway. Something ominous. Something that, one night, tried to take my child from me.

I have seen the boy from time to time. I have seen the devil in his eyes. I just don’t know how he got here, or what exactly it is that he wants.

So, you see, Fellow Readers, getting ‘all metaphysical’ did little more than…well…hurt.

A lot.

Needless to say, The Dysfunction remains. I am at a loss, and, truthfully, quite spent most days.

The Reader in The Wildwoods talked about the change. Change is coming. Big change.

Three years ago I talked about , “The Change that had been prophesied.” I should take a moment to touch on this. Currently there are several time references that have become Themes. [Overwhelmingly.] The most obvious one is 20 years ago. The next predominant time reference is 3 years ago. The entire timeframe of 15-18 years ago is sprinkled throughout, and, somewhere, 10 years ago is looking for its place. Without getting too deep into it at the moment, let me assure you that there is a pattern and infinite connections.

From Death to life once more.

Principles and Lessons have been abundant and poignant. They have been accurate and have been demonstrated to me repeatedly this week. In particularly, in the filming of the video. It was everything that has been discussed over the past several weeks – Listen to the Voice; Follow the Hunch; You Have What You Need to Move Forward; Things Come to Me as I Need Them…and so and so forth and so on.

There has been a complete reawakening. I have breathed life once more.

My Creative/Writing Self ignited again with the re-discovery of my years.

My Theatre Self has been finding expression in so many ways and on so many levels – from inspiration to opportunity.

My Career Self is…getting straightened out.

My Spiritual Self hasn’t been so much reawakened as it has remembered. It is always there. It has always been there, though first awoken 22 years ago. It is not something I can turn off and on. Anymore, I’m not even certain there is an ‘off.’ It is who I am. It is what I ‘know.’ It is the core of my existence. And, ultimately, it is through those eyes that I interpret the world.

A writer hears stories. An artist sees depth, texture and color. A musician hears the sounds of everyday moments and a dancer feels the movement. A mage, of any shape or form, understands only Divinity and The ARTs.

Every Act is an Act of Magic.

*sigh*

My Personal Self, well, thanks to some very random and interesting sources, he is learning a greater appreciation for himself. [Despite the frustrations.]

For now, The Harvest appears bountiful. So many things have been sown this season.

JustUs Productions is re-birthing itself once more. It is moving very slowly. There seems to be no hurry. A variety of notions are floating on the table but there is one very concrete production that is demanding focus and commitment.

Yet, there is another project on the same horizon. A commitment from 15-16 years ago that was never kept.

The crafting is as it always is and has been, and it has laid out for itself an even longer-term plan.

The property, Cave included, is beckoning for work, with project after project not only on the list but ready and available to go. The Goal is ‘As much as possible, before it’s all over.’

The work front is currently covered until early to mid-November. The Theatre is what it is. For now, it is home. It is reminiscent of my only other favorite job/life experience – and, that was 20 years ago.

It has, all on its own, become a staple in my life. It was only a six-week gig, at first. Then it was another six-weeks. Currently, I am there every show for at least one purpose, and sometimes I am fortunate enough to fill a second role. It has even led to an acting role, which I am having so much fun practicing right now. [And we haven’t even started rehearsals yet.] It is a good and secure gig for as long as I can do it, and I couldn’t enjoy the people anymore than I do.

Of course, The Seasonal Store is there to buffer me until I can figure out just what is happening next.

The Reader gave November 10th as a date of significance. Of course, she was referring to one specific arena in my life. However, over the past few weeks it has taken on a somewhat broader sense of meaning.

The Reader also spoke of the need to make amends with a family member. Of course, we have already crossed this bridge once today with The Dysfunction. However, during

Thursday night’s escapade, Craze would be mentioned specifically. He has come up before and once he almost went. Interestingly enough, it always comes just about November. Ever since the very first whispering of it…20 years ago.

During The Quest, I would be given a task – a journey to make. Interestingly enough, two nights later, Cuddlebug would mention the very same destination and The Princesses would like to go over our upcoming vacation. Even more fascinating to me is that I cannot for the life of me imagine how I could afford such an adventure at the moment, yet, it seems fairly obvious that we are supposed to go. [You Have What you Need to Move Forward; Things Come to Me as I Need Them.]

Also in the last hour of Wednesday night there would be a major Heart Chakra opening. [It may have been the end of the second hour. It was like the ‘In-Between.’] It reminded me of a similar, but much more painful, occurrence from…oh…wait…there it is – 10 years ago.

Overall, all things considered, I am happy with my life at the moment. I am happy with myself, flaws and all. If I haven’t already somehow [in my darkness] destroyed it all, I would like to see it through to its own natural end. It is the commitment I made 21 years ago.

If I understand things correctly, if I have seen all the pieces and assembled them properly, than I have but only a slight gauge of what is to come.

There is no doubt that The Daemon has returned. It was inevitable and why should it not be now? Now is perfection. For all I know, now makes sense.

But, I don’t much. I know he was my inevitable course. I know he was there when I died. It was he who took my life. I know that, if I can make it through this, it will be he who gives it back.

I will have to return to his lair once more and see what I can re-learn. I have been back once already but was only granted a brief moment. That moment, however, was just long enough to give me understanding. It alleviated the fear and helped me feel more prepared. Still, there is more to know. And, though I dread stirring the energies more, I suppose it is better to move forward in knowledge than in blissful ignorance.

What I can recall is that he brings with him 7 challenges, or tests. Some may even call them attacks. Nonetheless, I must face them all if I wish to survive. If I am discerning things correctly, then I will face the first sometime during the 3 day Re-Birthday Observation at the end of the week.

Yes. I call it a Re-Birthday. I will only ever have been born once. But, every year, I am given but one day – to me, for me – on which I can celebrate and meditate. A day for me to know myself wholly and fully. And, through that knowing I can face the following morning Re-Born into who I wish to be moving forward.

I was born on Friday, August 11th, 1972. There is Lore that tells us August 11th is the only day of the year on which a person can gaze upon The Faerie Kingdom and not risk getting stuck. Likewise, there is a day of the year that is quite the opposite. It is that day that one cannot look upon The Kingdom without becoming trapped.

That day is November 11th.

Nonetheless, I will face the first attack by week’s end. From there, I imagine it will be a weekly happening. That would be a total of 7 weeks before I can possibly understand half of all that is happening. Add in this week, which becomes The Void – that from which all life is given and all life returns – and it is 8 weeks in total.

I do not know what challenge shall come first. I would imagine it would be one of the 2 that I already know – The Ego and The Mind. It would make the most sense. Before we can move forward we must face our truest selves and the deepest, most ingrained, of our thoughts. Luke on Dagobah.

I was told on Wednesday that 2 shall come together. They belong together. They are individual, but not separate – synchronistic and symbiotic. [Perhaps they are akin to the 2 pillars that stood outside the door to The Great Temple.]

It was repeated over and over [and over and over] again – 2…2…2. In that case, we would be back down to 7 weeks.

7 Attacks.

7 Gates of Ascension.

7 Weeks.

This would bring us to…what’s that? Yup. The Equinox.

*Long Pause. Deep sigh.*

All of THAT [and more] from 2 Three-hour sessions.

There is but one last thing we have not touched on. If you have been following along already then you know it is The Anomaly.

So far, The Anomaly has been the most uplifting, defeating, inspiring, crushing, exhilarating, incapacitating, electric and frightening experience of my life. It is one of but a rare few. Of all the TimeStoppers, over all the years, only The Anomaly - and two others – could I truly get lost in. But those two are gone – one being 20 years away – and

The Anomaly is here and is happening now.

The Anomaly is happening for a reason. This has been made abundantly clear. But, I haven’t even a clue as to what the true reason might be.

Repeatedly, I have resolved that I can handle this. I have assured myself, and you Fellow Readers, that I can get through this. Then, in the face of The Anomaly, I crumble. I break. I weaken. I don’t know why it happens. I don’t know what causes it exactly. It just happens, naturally and of its own accord.

Every…

…single…

…time.

And, yes, just as often, I still catch my breath. In fact, just the other day, I was caught. The poor guy didn’t know what he walked up on. He didn’t see the cause. It was a moment, just as all the others have been – brief, passing, fleeting. Here and just as quickly gone.

But, in that moment, she took my breath away. Just as she always does.

So, when she disappeared from sight, I tried to catch it again. Next thing I know, dude is asking, “You ok?”

Heh. Yeah.

I’m just fine.

I’m lost.

I am so lost.

I am lost in her. I don’t even really know her, and…she barely knows I exist these days.

I’ve been sensing a shift. Something has changed in the energy flow between us. Of course, this may have to do with the fact that – as ‘the song’ indicates – I cannot talk to her. I try so hard and each time I fail so epically. Truly, everything I say comes out wrong and never, ever comes out right. I want to talk with her. I want to know everything there is to know about her and I can barely get past, “Hello.” I have been having a difficult time processing and adjusting to this.

There is a recent distance between us. Admittedly, self-wedged. Now I find I am longing for her.

[Side Observation – I have been given a great gift in the way of my ‘Charm.’ I do not say this with an ego. People remember me fondly. People from years ago, those very unexpected and random sources, come to me and remember me fondly – how I helped or inspired or made them laugh. I have always been able to connect with people. It is what made me a good server. I could read people and play to them accordingly, taking them along for the ride. It truly is a G-d given gift and I am very grateful for it. Without it, my life wouldn’t have been half of what it has been. However, I’ve noticed…The Anomaly seems immune to it. We have our moments – our brief, passing moments – but she doesn’t get reeled in. In fact, more often than not, she can walk right by me and never know I was there. I told you I have become adept at playing the role of Mr. Cellophane.]

Today, I was granted a moment. There was one brief, and yet oh so real, connection and exchange. It ended in a smile. Oh that beautiful, beautiful smile. It could light up a room.

And…it melts my heart every time. How I have missed that smile.

How I needed that smile.

What becomes frustrating are the seeming taunts from Spirit. All those moments that tease me with her presence. In fact, there was one just today. It did not involve her directly. Actually, it was a Facebook post. And, I believe it is the first of her posts to actually appear on my feed. For my own reasons, I do not want to say too much on it at this time. However, if you have been following along for a while now, you will understand when I tell you that my initial response [in thought only] was, “Every single one.”

In fact, I have a whole playlist of them…possibly two. And I find more every day.

Why? Why G-d would you do that to me? I have the perfect answer to that question and I can’t give it.

How is that fair?

Well, anyway, that is all the news that is the news [from 2 days of Questing] with Gary Gnu.

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness, baby!

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” Also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist.