Ep. 27 - Anomalytical

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential, and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

PDT

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Hoagie

The Anomaly

The Wix-ians

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, August 26, 2018. Time...Misleading.

Theme of the Week – Reflections

Lesson of the Week – Same Actions; Same Results

Observation of the Week – God Chooses the Least of Us

Totems – Hummingbird

Well...this was an interesting week.

I think.

Truth be told, much of it is actually a blur. Let’s see if I can make some sense of it.

I started work at the Seasonal Store this week. That has been as to be expected. They have even begun cutting hours. [And, we’re not even open yet lol.]

I picked up some extra hours at The Theatre.

We had our first rehearsal for the Train Robbery.

The truck came back and I picked up 2 decent scores for metal scrapping.

The Daemon would come to play…and he brought some friends.

And, of course, there was The Anomaly.

That was my week. On the surface it was very mundane and ordinary. I went to work, I balanced my finances, I sketched plans and piddled away at what I could. I was getting reorganized. A lot has happened over the last few weeks. Life around Geistopia is chaotic at best.

I still have all the work in The Garden to do, plus all the little extras that have come along in the meantime. The weather hasn’t been too cooperative. The Cave is torn apart, waiting for walls. I have the walls but I have been waiting on the electrical boxes that I need in order to put the walls in. Those did manage to find me this week.

Side note: I’m going through this phase where I don’t do anything. I was going to say, “I found them,” or even, “I manifested them.” But, truly it’s not me. They came to me. As with everything else, I am just a pawn.

It’s time, I think, for me to get back to mowing the lawn. I thought the hired ones were done last Friday but they came again this week. I’ll wait and see if they come again this coming Friday. If not, then back to it I go.

Meanwhile, work is happening at both places. It’s going to pick up and get a lil more hectic along the way. Even with both of them, I still need more income. That’s where the challenge comes in. I’m not going to give commentary one way or the other right now. I just have to see what I have to work with and do my best with it.

So, like I said, fairly mundane and ordinary – on the surface.

It was the other things that would make the week a little…off.

On Monday, the Shaman and the Pillar would come to call on me. It was a fairly standard Tea Party. There are still things on the table there that I am waiting to see how they play out. Those things came up briefly on Monday. After, I would take a Spirit Quest, but it was subtler and more work-oriented. I do have video of it. Perhaps there is a clue on there.

Tuesday is mostly gone. I have no recollection of it. I believe I worked. I think that was the night that Hoagie came by and that would explain the blur.

Wednesday, I know I had rehearsal at night. Sunshine went along with me. That day, as well, is a blur.

Thursday, I had a support meeting in the morning. I was a lil nervous going into this one. Our last meeting ended with me being told I needed $135 cash in hand for this meeting or I may have to go to court. Well, things did not go according to plan at all leading up to Thursday. The Seasonal Store started 2 weeks later than projected and the truck was out of commission so all metal hauling was halted. So there was no income flow and of course spending more than half of my Theatre check on New Hope didn’t help matters at all. But…that was a necessary evil.

Anyway, things went pretty good. I didn’t have money on me but it was acknowledged that I have brought money the last two times [I told you it is best to go with something.] It was also pointed out that my wage garnishments should both be kicking in soon. So, at this point I am scheduled for another meeting in September. If both wage garnishments kick-in in time then I shouldn’t have to go and this is finally something I can put to rest for a while.

After that I stopped at The Theatre. I was planning on going in to do some cleaning that day but no one was there yet. Instead, since I no longer had a shift to work at the Seasonal Store, I went and salvaged some metal for a soon to be had run. Then, I returned to The Theatre and got some of my cleaning done.

Thursday night I would see The Shaman once more. Nothing was mentioned from our Tea Party on Monday. I did, though, take another Spirit Quest. This one, too, is recorded and I am so glad. There were quite a few revelations and moments on Thursday.

Honestly, I can’t really remember them. I just know they happened. For instance, I do know that I realized on Thursday that we were right on the cusp of a Full Moon.

Suddenly, things I was going through and feeling made a lot more sense.

I know I dealt again with why my life cannot be ‘normal.’ It’s just fascinating how it happens and how it all works out. For example, while we were in New Hope I bought a smudge stick. It was Jasper. I had never had a Jasper smudge before. I looked at sage several times but ended up with the Jasper. I bought it at the store that was at the end of our Quest ‘Rainbow’, as it were. Turns out that Jasper is good for protection. Something I need a lot of right now.

I also focused a bit on The Daemon. It’s hard to believe it is only three weeks into this little challenge. I am so worn out on a daily basis. Every night I plan a fresh start in the morning and every morning I seem to fall right back into the same patterns. I set out each day to get things done and I end up so lethargic before it is all over. I’ll get there. I always get there. This is just the biggest and hardest climb to date.

Friday was both jobs. After that it was home to just kind of rest.

Saturday and Sunday I worked and worked on metal to take to the yard on Monday before The Theatre. I also watched The Conjuring. I realized that the Demonologist couple featured in the movie is the same couple that had, almost 20 years ago, come to That Place - the place that I loathe so. The place where I met her Jenniness. They were there and then I would be called to come back. Then it dawned on me. They woke it up. My friends became prey to it and I was its patsy. We were merely casualties from their ill-conduct while visiting.

My time with The Daemon recently has been intriguing to say the least. My Re-Birthday weekend ended up being precisely as was prophesied. I struggle with all of this. The Daemon attacks the ego, breaks it down. What ego do I have left?

It’s true. I do not need him whispering in my ear to see my shortcomings. I am very well aware of them. But, I am sort of taking a new approach to The Daemon. I wonder if seeing him as an enemy is detrimental. He’s not really an enemy. He’s not really a bad guy. He’s just doing his job. The greatest treasures are always guarded by the fiercest beasts.

If I can just find the resolve to really march forward in strength I might just be able to succeed. Like I said, though, that is a struggle at the moment. I’m feeling a little better than I was, even just Thursday night. I get a little bit done each day. I’m not going to lie, writing this blog takes up more time than I would like but it is what it is and it must be done.

“Better” may be an overstatement. Truth is, today was a battle with depression. The same kind of depression I was feeling just before the accident. A question was asked on Thursday night and an answer has yet to find me. Until it does, I may be struggling on a daily basis.

The overall tone of the question was, “Do I even have a place or purpose in life?” I asked the question. I mean, really, I don’t seem to have any gifts or talents or abilities. The ones I thought I did have, over the years, have proven to be naught. They may be there, but they don’t do anything for me or my life. They certainly don’t better it. The only thing I seem to be really good at is ‘Dopin Along,’ and, quite frankly, I tire of that one. Believe it or not, putting on a smiling face and personality can get quite old rather fast. But…it’s what I do. Apparently, it is what people remember me for.

The only other thing I seem to be able to do is to ‘Listen,’ and even that I am a bit shaky with some days. Some days it is a challenge in the face of ‘Real Life.’ For instance, there is no doubt that The Theatre is part of G-d’s plan. That is obvious from how it came to be and how it came to stay. My understanding is that I am to stay through the end of the season. My problem is this – I’m not making enough money there. So, go and get something else on top of that, right? Well, I have The Seasonal Store, but even with that I still need more. I have other things I can do to earn a little here and there, but it gets tiring. It is so consuming just trying to make a few bucks. So, I’m struggling. I think about finding a ‘better’ job with better pay, but then I am reminded that my commitment is through the end of the season. But, I’m so tired of the poverty. I can’t even keep up financially at the moment. But, I’m not supposed to change anything. I don’t mind G-d’s plans, I just wish that maybe they could include some money for me.

My greatest possessions are stories that mean nothing to anyone. No one cares, really. It's possible they are even becoming a bit lackluster for me. A whole life lived and nothing to show for it.

I think what is going on at the moment is that I am starting to feel alive again. I’ve lived in a shell for so long, so separate from the world. Now, there is activity and things happening and hopes and dreams and desires. I want a life. I want a real life. I want to exist. But…I can’t.

*Deep sigh*

The message I received was, “3 weeks.” Apparently, I will see some sort of change or improvement in that time. But that is a long time to go. Truthfully I am going to have a hard time just getting through this week. And, it’s not just a financial thing. I feel very weak right now. However, as usual I will brush it off and face each day in supposed strength, coming home at the end to crumble and break.

And, finally, the reason we’re really all here today – last, but never the least – The Anomaly.

This is getting old. No, really. Unfortunately, it has barely begun.

Let’s review one more time, shall we?

So, a few months ago, I’m just doin’ my thing – dopin’ along as always. Life seems pretty ok. At that point I had 2 jobs. One I hated, one I loved. But, I was getting through it. The Garden was seeing improvement. I was starting to feel good. I had had a very dangerous bout of depression but I was definitely moving beyond it.

All of a sudden this chick walks into my life and everything gets turned upside down. Suddenly, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I don’t realize it at first. I think I was just so awed by her presence. She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. I am just awed by her beauty. I say it all the time – if I could draw, I would draw her. My G-d, she is just stunning.

It’s not just on the outside though. I see something so beautiful inside of her. I sometimes think that is what speaks to me most. I wanna know that beauty inside. I want to know everything about it.

Is sounds very simple at first, no? Go for it. Right? Not so much.

There are so many reasons I cannot. I mean, let’s just start with where my life is at the moment. Seriously, I couldn’t afford to take her out even if I could ask and she would say yes. I looked at it. It’s like a $100 venture. Where the hell do I come up with $100 that I can just…spend?

Then there is just, well…me. I’m really not all that appealing in my old age. I’ve say it many times before I have nothing to offer but myself (and my love) and who really wants that?

But, on top of all of this, there Divine Interception.

She’s here for a reason. This is all I am allowed to know. She is here for a reason…and we’ll get there. Eventually. That’s it. That’s what I got. So, it’s kind of a ‘no-touch’ situation anyway. I can do nothing that will interfere with whatever is already planned. Like every other aspect of my life, all I can do is keep showing up.

You would think that wouldn’t be an issue. It’s kind of how I live. Only, I don’t want to keep showing up. I want to get away, and I can’t. Not without serious repercussions to my life anyway. I want to get away because I really do not function right around her. Everything gets all haywire. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am when I am near her. The whole experience is mind-blowing to me.

I don’t seem to get anything right in this situation. When I try to engage she seems distant – more often than not. Yet, if I try to pull back, she engages. It happened to me this week. I was all set to just go about my business and not really make contact. But, I walked in and the first thing that happens is she says hello to me. [Coincidentally, this is just the morning after I tell G-d that I can’t really handle this. I’m falling apart here.]

If that’s not bad enough, I thought I was going to have a few weeks reprieve from seeing her. I would learn this week that that is not going to be the case at all. I saw her 4 out of 7 days this week and I will see her again 5 out of 7 next week. This is not what I signed on for.

And, on top of that, the very same day of the hello I end up spending most of my day right beside her. Every time I turned around, there she was, and if she wasn’t there it wouldn’t be long until someone put her there. There was just no escaping. I was a mess. I mean, no one would have known from the outside. But, I was a serious mess. We did have a conversation. It was the first one in quite a while. A good conversation. The kind where I could learn things about her.

I also did something kind of stupid. You see, it gets weirder. I’ve never really pursued a relationship. They’ve always just sort of happened. In fact, Mama was the one who reached out to me first. I’ve never been much of a woo-er, let alone a chaser. Yet, here is this chick that I can’t get out of my head and there is a part of me that is always trying to get into hers. Keep in mind, we’ve already been out once – but we were tricked into that. It was a splendid night. I have never been so thrilled. But, still, I couldn’t show it because it wasn’t a date. We were tricked into being out together…alone.

So, on this day, I would ask her if she wanted to do something with me. Well, more specifically, me and Sunshine. It was something she mentioned that she wanted to do. It just so happened we were going to be doing it. I couldn’t resist. I had time to think about it. I thought I had even thought better of the notion. Still, I couldn’t resist. She declined, respectfully.

I can’t think of a time, ever in my life, when I would have gone out on that limb. Yet, here I was doing it. To make matters worse, I would text her the next day. Nothing big. Certainly nothing important. Just a quick little something we had talked about the day before. I promised myself I wouldn’t send her texts. Yet, again, I couldn’t resist.

She stops time. Every moment with her is like an eternity. She is the ultimate timestopper. She makes me catch my breath to this day. Being beside her for an afternoon was almost painful because every few minutes I had to steal some seclusion and take a breath. I [very rarely] can think of anything but her.

In the time that I have known her, she has done so much to me. I have felt more alive than I have in so many years. She makes me soft…

WALT: I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to work…

Will you please?!?

Calm…she makes me calm. My energies get so…subtler. They settle. And, at the same time, she destroys me. In her presence I cannot help but be aware of every single flaw or shortcoming that I have. She has me looking at the whole of my life – all of my sins. Is it any wonder I could never feel worthy of her? She has made me look at every aspect of myself and I see nothing. Like I said - no talents or abilities. Certainly nothing that makes me stand out. I am easy to miss if you're not looking for me and completely unmissable when I am gone. My family and [old] circle of friends have certainly proven that to me over the years. So, if I can see nothing in me, what could she ever see in me?

She has been both the light and the dark over these past several weeks. [And all the while, she is completely unaware.]

I wonder, is it any coincidence that she and The Daemon have come at the same time? Is there really any coincidence at the moment?

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia this is your beloved Rev wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness, baby!

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” Also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist.