Ep. 10 - Two for One

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential, and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and sometimes unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

The Prodigy

The Wix-ians

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, March 25, 2018. Time...Shared

Theme of the Week – Lean On G-d

Lesson of the Week – Count Your Blessings

Observation of the Week – We Teach Best What We Most Need To Know

You would think that, sooner or later, a Sunday would come along and I would be able to words to the week that has passed. You would think. But, it won’t be this week. I can never quite put my finger on exactly what is going on at the moment. It’s like everything else in my life – just when I think I know I don’t. There’s always something more to it. Or, in some cases, something less.

The whole work and financial thing has had me in a frenzy and a fluster. I think that has been obvious. I’m working towards a goal here and I’m not quite sure how it is going. In another week, my second source of income will cease. The show is over - the final curtain. That is sad enough on its own for many reasons, but it also leaves me a bit shyer on the income side of things than I would like to be.

There is all sorts of other chaos and commotion around Geistopia as well. This week the water heater [which also does he heat] sprung a leak. A new one is coming on Monday, but it is setting Big ‘D’ back quite a bit, especially with the new septic system on the horizon. To top that off, the truck started slipping in gears and needs to go be looked at and the Check Engine light on the van was still on.

The Big Box becomes a bit more stressful and overbearing each day. One day this week we were even asked to stay for a meeting in which we were basically told, “You’ve done a great job getting us this far; However, moving forward we need you to work even harder…oh and you’ll be losing hours in the process.” Now, since then, they have come to us and asked us to adjust our availability so that we can work the same amount of hours, but longer days. All of this after they somehow managed to take away from us the 15 minute ‘rest break’ to which the handbook tells us we are entitled. We get our unpaid lunch break, but there will be no more 15 minute break for 6 hours. The tensions are mounting. People are getting snapped at and spoken down to…and all in all, it is reminding me why I stopped doing this stuff in the first place. Why I have difficulty with employers. But, I need this at the moment. So I try to watch my Ps and Qs, taking what I must but keeping what I need. I am working towards a goal. It is a very big goal, and, based on conversations around Geistopia this week; it may be a very necessary goal. The Big Box offers me just enough to keep myself afloat [give or take, depending on the week.] So, it is a good foundation, a solid base from which to work, but it is just a small foothold on the mountain I must ultimately climb. I think that adds to the frustration – mine and theirs.

The week had many moments – of memory, of learning, of longing. It is a very strange and disconcerting place I find myself of late. I am, once again, caught between two paradigms. There is that which I have become - the darkness and the decay – and what I have always been, which is something more…

That is how last week’s post was shaping up and then, somehow, things got sideswiped and I suddenly find myself face-to-face with yet another Sunday. I think in an effort to get caught up and try to stay caught up, I may do more point by point this week instead of the usual longwinded storytelling.

So, let’s do a quick review. Last I remember, life was…happening. Some good, some bad, some just plain ugly. I was juggling a lot. I had the theatre gig and the new job at the Big Box – which has not been going as anticipated. Plus, I still have commitments to the middle school. On top of that I have been gearing towards getting some crafting done, as well as just keeping The Cave and Fortress in order so that I can function. It has been a struggle. I went from 0-100 in 3.5 seconds and I am just now starting to feel the recoil.

Finances have been just as much of a challenge. I’ve been getting by but with a lot of juggling. There is so much to get caught up with as well as keep up with that I am swimming in dollar signs every day. Each week has seen some sort of a set-back – From very unexpected expenses to loss of income and everything in between.

Along the way, there has been a greater struggle – The Lenten Challenge. I am looking to heal and mend and move forward. The years have been much crueler to me than people may know. I have been beaten and bruised – a lot of it being self inflicted. Through all of that I entered darkness that I have not quite been able to ever pull myself out of. At times it has completely consumed me. The Lenten Challenge was meant to rectify that. But, I struggle as I always do. Using cigarettes as my prime example – I still smoke. I think about stopping every day. I have bought a vape to replace the cigarettes. And, yet, I still buy them at the same pace and smoke them likewise. What this tells me at this point is that there is just a part of me that does not want to heal. It is hurt. It is weak. It is frightened. It is whatever it is, but it does not wish to be better.

So, while writing this post, it came to my attention that this is actually Episode 10. This means I have been doing this for 10 weeks now. 10 is always a very interesting number in a ‘Cycle’ or pattern. 10=0. 10 is The Void. It is the ‘Reset Point.’ Ten leads to the next 1, which is 11 – the first step in Mastery. 10 should always see things shutting or slowing down a bit. 10 can often find a bit of havoc and chaos. It is like a missed step between what is completed and what is about to begin. 10 always leaves us reassessing and realigning.

Knowing this puts the last two weeks into much better perspective. This last week in particularly. This last week just went completely topsy-turvy on me. I lost a total of 3 days of work this past week. 2 hole days and 2 half days. One half day was brought on by the snow storm that we actually got. The second whole day was the day after the snow when I couldn’t really walk. I had apparently done something to my back while snow blowing. And the second half day was the day after that when I managed about 3 hours of mobility before my back decided that it was having no more. The first whole day is a story all on its own. It was a tense day. It was a day that would have driven other men to unemployment. Yet, somehow, I seem to have emerged fairly unscathed.

This past week saw the end of the current show at the theatre. That was sad for so many reasons. But, it also meant the loss of income moving forward. I did manage to replace it. I will actually be washing dishes for the run of the next show. I needed some supplemental income and they needed a dishwasher. The math seemed to work out. I can buy them some more time to find one, while giving those who have been filling in a well-deserved break, and they can supply me with 6 more weeks of income, allowing me time and some comfort to figure out what I am doing next.

Besides, as I told them the other night, I like it there. I don’t really like it too many places.

But, I like it there. All of the people seem really great. I am loving knowing all of them and looking forward to getting to know them all better. And, if I enjoy this next cast as much as I enjoyed this last cast that is just an added sweet bonus. I like their operation. It’s fascinating to watch it work. They truly run on the most bare bones staff they can get away with and still appear to function. People pull a lot of double or even triple duties. The staff as a whole seems to gel well together and everyone knows what needs to be done and someone does it. I’m also very, very interested in seeing how they work through other shows. I think, theatrically, I could learn a lot from these folks.

The back thing interests me. It is similar to what happened last June. And, in fact, Sunshine compared the discomfort to last June. The very story I told in Episode 2 - which makes it something I was aware of at least 10 weeks ago. It was something on which I was reflecting. It is so synchronistic. This experience is so similar. It’s minor in comparison, almost like a scaled down version, but it holds the same Themes.

Last June couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I was feeling as though I was very on track and getting productive. Things were happening all around. There was just enough money to do what needed to be done and the face of Geistopia was shifting. My back went out and I had five weeks of no, or diminished, income and productivity.

Currently, there is no good time for a debacle, especially a financial one. But it is very similar. I was just getting my feet on the ground and running. I had made just enough money to get done what has needed to be done – no matter what it was. I was getting things done and slowly making some progress. Then all of a sudden, just taking care of life…BANG! My back goes out. So now I am floundering financially a little bit. I may still be able to get by and make my way through it, but for all of the work in the next 6 weeks, I will find myself very little ahead of where I actually stand at the moment.

So…what am I trying to tell myself?

The new position at the theatre is going to shift some of my availability at the Big Box. I do not foresee them being very pleased by this at all. It intrigues me that this will be a 3rd moment to get past with this employer in just several weeks. This process usually takes at least a few months. Please note, that I am very well aware of the pattern. I just haven’t come to understand the details of it yet.

Dancing Queen once said that it’s like I “test” everyone. I just recalled that moment with the Shaman recently. I told him that I do, but rarely is it intentional. It’s just something that seems to happen on its own. Life sets up the perfect circumstances. I have seen this most particularly with employers – for several years now. No matter the employer, inevitably, situations arise that put us in conflict. Sometimes they are self-induced, and sometimes I am just doing my best to ride life out and shit happens around me. But, no matter what, sooner or later, we find ourselves there.

Very often, the conflicts happen because I am juggling too much and the need of a job may change. Therefore, what they require of me changes and I am not always able to change with it. I would normally say that all of this is caused by my innate contempt for authority. [It’s true. I admit it. I have no problem being real with myself.] However, in this particular instance I very specifically chose a job that was not ever supposed to put me in that situation. The hours were perfect for keeping me afloat and at the same time not ever interfering with any other aspect of my life – neither business nor personal. Yet, already the job she changes and the demands they are different. And, once again, I find myself unable to change with them. In fact, with the new position at the theatre, I find I must actually change against them.

What will this bring from work?

Especially since I am going to be out tomorrow. This was joint decision between me and my supervisor. We will also see how this plays out. I know when push comes to shove I must fight for my job. But, I also know, that if we cannot find the median between our needs at the moment I cannot be afraid to let it go.

In the last two weeks the middle school ‘assignment’ has shown some potential for the future. The two current directors are not interested in doing it anymore and they both said they would recommend me to take over. Honestly, I was kind of hoping it would go in that direction. I have really been itching to direct and produce again. And, I do so love working with kids. They are much better actors than most adults. It’s a little hard to keep them motivated but they take direction and they put themselves out there. But, adults…adults think they know shit. So, they always know better. [I should know…I’m one of those adult actors.]

The Murder Mystery project has seen both a death and potential rebirth in the last several weeks. It looked as though it was going to go nowhere, but some hand of fate managed to nudge me at the right moment and it could yet happen. When? That is a whole other issue.

I had a past video client call me wanting me to help him with a new project. It’s more social media based but I am always willing to help him with anything I can. He’s a good guy. He also mentioned another opportunity on his table that he would like to share with me. I fear it may be some sort of network marketing something or other. I don’t dislike them, but I just don’t have the interest in trying to make them work. They’re usually not THAT fascinating. But, maybe it is something else.

There were troubles in Geistopia as the water heater sprung a leak and needed to be replaced. This is all on top of the anticipation of a new septic system going in come spring. Needless to say there was a bit of tension. Once again, as always, there was talk of just selling the property and moving on. It’s a situation that frustrates me. It is the reason I am here [a story for another time], and yet, my hands are tied. For now, I have resolved that though I can’t do all that I am able; I am able to do all that I can. [I know I mentioned this…I guess I just didn’t finish it.]

Did I mention that this past week saw 2 sets of Day Before, Day Of, and Day After. There was St. Patrick’s Day first and just as I was coming off that the equinox sprung into action. If I calculated correctly Sunday was the Day After and Monday was the Day Before. It’s no wonder my whole life is kinda screwy at the moment.

Lastly, I played around with some video this past week. I’m not quite sure where it is headed at this point, but the camera has been on.

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia this is your beloved Rev wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness, baby!

Rev. Matt is an ordained Minister, Certified Reiki Practitioner and a Tarot Reader. For more information or to schedule an appointment, email him at Revgeist@gmail.com

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” But, also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist.