Floundering

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems.

I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome to my Life is a project, an experiment in Life ant ART. A living storyboard, if you will. It’s premise is that life is experiential, and that you can (and do) experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and sometimes unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

‘Blue 326’

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

The Prodigy

‘Blue 326’

The Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, January 28, 2018. Time...Delayed

Theme of the Week – Just Enough

Lesson of the Week – Give It Up

Observation of the Week – Take It As It Comes

Sometimes life gets so out of control all one can really do is give up…or, rather…more precisely, give it up. Things get chaotic and overwhelming and the head goes back, the arms lift into the air and the lips utter, “What? Why? What don’t I understand? What needs to change or be different? Why is this happening to me now? Again?”

This is where I found myself last June. I hurt my back. It was random and became oh so very curious to me. So…I asked, “Why? What?”

(Be careful what you wish for, because Ask & It Is Given.)

To be completely honest, I fully expected the very answers that I am certain have already crossed some of your minds – I need to be more responsible…I need a regular and steady job/income, etc, etc. I was completely prepared to hear that, as well as the usual mutterings of things like quitting smoking. In fact, as life would proceed forward, slowly breaking down in the process, I found that I was gearing my receptors and plotting my plans around these very notions.

I began to follow a variety of leads. [Most of them I truly had no real interest in, but work is work…right?] One particular lead has suffered a variety of setbacks and delays and I am still waiting on it all. I started that process in September.

This has become the standard for my life lately. From there to here, a number of things and opportunities have come and gone. Nothing has really worked out. Some things even set me back more. Suddenly, I found myself not only looking for a job, but also struggling to just make an income. This has been, by far the worst blight I have ever experienced.

As of this writing, things are still stagnant, with only the oddest and most random exceptions. Not a single day goes as I plan or anticipate and yet every day has bore some sort of fruit. It has been a long process and I see a still longer road ahead of me. I feel good about where I am, and, yet, I can still tilt my head back, throw my arms into the air and utter, “Why? What?”

The answers come, of course. But, practically speaking, none of them actually make any sense. I can only shrug and shake my head, scrunching my face up into bewilderment. Still, as I live and breathe, I have witnessed shifts and changes - signs and messages - all that support these delusional whispers.

It leaves me straddling between two existences [Just as it has so many times in the past.] There is the one that the world seems to say I ‘should’ be living – friends, family, society, culture, classes, philosophy, religion, and all sorts of media projecting and portraying ‘The Real World.’ And, then, there is the other one. It is, quite frankly, the one in which I feel most comfortable. It is the skin I most like to wear. This is the existence where Life is so much bigger than any mandates we can put on it. It is what leads me to the ministry.

There is something out there that is so far beyond us. It lives. It breathes. It interacts. It guides us and comforts us. It supports us and lifts us up. It truly does work in mysterious ways.

(Given the chance.)

It is so vast and incomprehensible that, frankly, even the word ‘God’ does not adequately define its power and presence.

(But, it does get us pretty darned close.)

This existence begins with faith…and faith begins with believing. One must believe in this presence, this Be-ing. Then, one must believe that when you ask it most certainly is given. What you put out to this Be-ing, it will respond to it. At that point, one simply steps forward with the faith that it will all come to pass. [Through the eons we have been told as much.]

This is all especially important when life gets all topsy-turvy and you have to wonder what you’ve been living for in the first place. However, to truly step forward in such Spirit, can also leave one seeming delusional, irrational and out of touch. [But, then, what is faith if you actually have something to build it upon?]

My life has been so random and bizarre for so many months now that more and more every day I find myself throwing the arms and just…giving it up. I put something out and I have gotten some very interesting and alluring responses. None of them make any sense. Yet, all of them are supported by something. These are the things that are finding more and more expression in my life. And, when I do try to do the practical, rational, reasonable and responsible things, they always kick me in the nuts.

So, I give it up. I cannot keep being torn over, and between, what it is I am supposed to be doing with this life. I cannot continue jumping between paths trying to find the one that will support, let alone build, the life we are raised to live. No longer can I look back trying to rationalize the life that has been – not to myself, and certainly not to anyone else. It has been. It has been what it has been…and it has been much more and very different than anyone really knows. [Truly, there is nobody, spare but perhaps one, that really knows what the Quest has been for me.]

So, I give it up. That is what I do when I can no longer take it.

This week was particularly difficult…and for no obvious reason. Everything just seemed to be stalled. It all started with Monday. I woke with a project on my plate. “No problem,” I figured, “just do it first and get it out of the way.”

Six hours, and quite a bit of stress, later it was finished. After that, no part of my week seemed to function properly. I was so far behind in everything that I wanted to do, and still am. And, it was a project that dealt with this show in which I have myself involved. I needed to record the song into practice tracks, 7 of them altogether. The thing is n- I can only just barely read music, let alone play it. Yet, there I sat, plunking away over and over again until I got each part right. [Or, at least, right enough that they could practice to it.]

You may wonder how I find myself in such a position. One person called it serendipity. Perhaps. Perhaps it is something greater.

So, my week continues on from there and I really feel as though I barely got anything done. I’m not sure what this week was. For several weeks now things have been moving and progressing and there this week was just stagnation. I can’t say I fell behind, but I certainly didn’t get ahead.

I did have an interview this week, and I did get hired. However, it is the same situation that has been for so many years now. It is minimal hours for minimal pay. It will give me just enough to keep up with my monthly needs but nothing beyond that. It won’t give me enough to do anything, buy anything, go anywhere. It won’t even give me enough to invest in my own things to try to make more money.

On the flip side, the hours are such that it will not interfere with most of the rest of my life. No weekends. No holidays. No afternoons or evenings. This lets me continue to see the Princesses as scheduled. I can keep doing this show I am [somehow] involved in. If money comes in I will be able to pursue other avenues of income.

But, it’s the same as always. Almost as if it is part of The Cycle. I apply for jobs, all kinds of jobs, but the only ones that even give me an interview are ones such as this – just [barely] enough. It’s kind of what makes it all frustrating. I have this world of people around me that tell me I need a ‘real’ job with ‘real’ income and ‘real’ benefits. And, I apply for them – warehouse jobs, factory jobs, I’ve even applied for several positions at the hospital [non-medical, of course.] These places don’t even call me for an interview. But…this is what I ‘need.’

Moving into the week ahead, things are not too bright. I have a few bills due this week. I am definitely going to need gas. Turns out that I, once again, need ink for the printer, and so on and so on and so on. Yet, there are no funds in the account and no work or income on the horizon. Of course, this week started similarly and, somehow, I managed to have just enough to do what I needed. So, we will see what the week brings.

From here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev. wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Freakishness, baby.