No More For You

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

7:17 AM

Here, we are. A new day. And, once again, a seemingly new chapter.

I went to have my meeting yesterday. It went much different than I had anticipated. I had accepted that he was more than likely going to let me go, but I thought he would honor the 30 day agreement in the contract. He did not and that caused a whole lot of rigmarole.

I'm still trying to process the experience. I am not surprised by where it has left me, but as I said, I am a little taken by how I got here. I'm not surprised because there have been plenty of messages and signs along the way. The Themes have been the same:

• Release fears

• Do not resist change

• The power/future is yours

• Who are you? What do you do?

• Angels…and even Demons

Even yesterday, from beginning to end, there were signs along the way. First and Foremost, there was a lot of hawk activity. Hawk is the messenger and can bring guardianship as well. In other words, everything is going to be ok. Just pay attention and follow along. Then I randomly see a billboard. I pass the billboard every day that I work. (And then some.) It is an electronic billboard. So, not only is it reprogrammed frequently, but it changes between a number of signs repeatedly in a day. I had never seen this message before. In big white letters, on a yellow background, it read, "Do more of what you love." A moment or two later it was showing another sign (this one was for the lottery) which read, "Prepare to have your mind blown." [I am not necessarily saying the message was about playing the lottery, only acknowledging the message and accepting that there may be a connection.]

On the way home from the incident there was one more message. It was the billboard on the backside of the original billboard. It too was electronic. There, in the same yellow and white graphics, it read, "Anything is possible."

Now how can I ignore that?

So here are the things currently boiling in the brain -

• This is a repeated pattern

  • Not only the search

    • Work

    • Job

    • Income

    • Place

  • But also the process

    • How it went down

    • The mindset going into and through

    • The things "interfering" or causing issues.

  • And the question

    • What is it I am supposed to do

    • What is my calling

    • What am I missing/getting wrong.

• Health/Habit changes

  • Smoking

  • Caffeine/coffee

  • More water

  • ????

I have to switch into survival mode now. I've been here so many times before and eventually everything works out. I just have to remain very open. At this point I am trying not to expect or limit. For instance, I have always protected the time I have with the girls. I have to accept that we may lose that and if we do it is not only temporary but it is helping to get to what is best.

I need to handle the days and the moments exactly as I know how to - one step at a time. Less thinking and more doing. Make my lists each day and set out to complete them. I must maintain a fine balance. On its own nothing will be productive or prosperous at the moment. So I must not only look for a job, I must also look for work/income.

This can come in any number of forms. It could be a retail/shop job. It could be a post on Craigslist. A Ministry client could appear - Reiki/Tarot/Cleansings. Some of this I may have to push and promote, such as the Ministry stuff, or the crafting. Of course then I would have to actually craft first. I have items to sell on any number of sites or pages.

But also, there is a host of stuff around Geistopia to tend to, take care of and complete. (All of which ultimately affects all other aspects of being.) All the while, I need to continue to groove on Spirit. That is something I took note of throughout this whole process - I don't always do Spirit enough. I must get back to it - back to the ceremony and the rituals, back to the devotion and practice.

It is not second nature to me. It is first nature.

Although I am upset with this now former employer, I am not angry nor hateful. I am not upset like that, nor am I hurt. I am just awed at how he handled it and how he behaved. I don't feel ill towards him for any of it. In fact, I find myself feeling sorry for him. He obviously has deeper hurts than he can accept.

I mean, here's a guy that has a lot going for him and yet he still needs power and control. He needs to be forceful to feel the power. He needs to be in full control. All I could relate him to last night is The Intimidator Power Struggle in Celestine Prophecy. That is what yesterday was - a constant stream of intimidation tactics. Threatening to call the police and have me arrested. Threatening me physically. Threatening to have my van towed or to put a stop on the check he had just given me.

Now that is a common Power Struggle I have encountered in my life. It is one of the tactics of my mother.

I think of him accusing me of manipulating this and lying about that. He did the same thing on Friday in our meeting. He told me I was wrong about things I could back up with documentation.

I think the biggest thing I am taking from this experience at the moment is that I can never be that. I have to keep myself grounded and real. Everyone has things going on in their lives. There's always more to the story. We just have to take the time to ask, listen and try to understand.

People are not mind readers. They do not know what another person is thinking. They cannot understand hints or allusions. This is not an insult against people. It's just how it is. A person may pick up on the hint, but unless it is stated, no one can really know what it meant. Be Direct. You have to tell people what is wrong or makes you uncomfortable. And…they have to be allowed the opportunity to correct it.

Very rarely is someone out to stick it to you. He seemed to have this mindset. He was so paranoid about something. He was not trusting at all. His behavior showed as much and he, on at least one occasion, claimed as much.

Sigh.

Well I guess it's time to hit my day. Sooner or later, I must look at my finances. I am hesitating because I realized on Monday that I had calculated something wrong and was facing a potential bite in the ass. I'm just not ready to know yet.

Never Ask a Question You Don't Really Want the Answer to.

Strange dreams last night -

It seemed I was helping some couple get ready for their wedding. Everyone was in disarray, with people sleeping at picnic tables instead of getting ready. Then I was in this pool with a dolphin (or perhaps a porpoise.) He seemed to like me. There was a female with me - dark hair (no face.) I broke down. I cried hard. I kept saying, "I'm sorry. I can't do it." Then I ran off. It seemed as if she was the one getting married and I couldn't help her because I was in love with her.