On Your Mark, Get Set

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

7:42 PM

As I said, I have been feeling like something is about to happen.

Something. I just don't know what.

They tell me it was snowing earlier. Good snow storms tend to bring odd energies with them and that would explain some of what I have been feeling/experiencing but not all of it.

The tooth thing is really getting to me. Not only can I feel it and it is all very weird to me but I can only imagine what it looks like. It makes me want to sigh. (I will on Facebook.)

There's the whole looming Powerball Jackpot. (A record at $1.4B. I imagine it will be more than that.) I have had my share of lottery dreams over the past few days. It is an insane amount of money, even if one would just win a portion of it. In just the first year I could do everything I want to do - pay every debt, make every change and investment, give every gift - live a life at a level of luxury I can't even really fathom and still have more than enough left over to live out the rest of my life very comfortably…and there would be 29 more years just like it.

That’s outrageous.

I would love to win…honestly. I feel greedy saying it. I feel almost lazy. I feel like I am looking for an easy fix-it for all of the messes I have created in a life I never knew how to live, let alone manage. But at the same time I feel as though I would deserve it as well. It has been years of struggle and feeling worthless. I have lived in poverty and been up and down the financial scale. I would just like some balance and some peace. I would like to be able to take care of things as they are needed…not as I am lucky enough to juggle.

Well whatever the feeling is it includes 'The Call.' I'm not sure where I am going or what exactly this trip will be, but I am going to partake a little, relax and then go shower and begin.

P.S. It feels like I am saying goodbye [to what was? What has been? Someone? Me?]