S10EP1: Tra-La, It's May

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John & Sister Jen

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, May 7, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Enticing

Theme – Solitude

I realized this week just how alone I am in life. I spend the whole of my life separated and isolated, almost disconnected. I am a fringe friend. [I mean nothing derogatory by this at all.] I have no co-workers. My neighbors seem almost non-existent. The house is always quiet. For a moment, this made me sad. Then I realized that in my solitude I find my strength and my solace. It is not a punishment nor a curse of any kind. It is a blessing and a gift. It is what makes me…me.

Lesson – Every Challenge is an Opportunity

God, don’t I know how corny that sounds. Let me tell you how it came to me. It was all about the yard work. For weeks, I have been looking at the work to be done and the challenges before me. I have been letting it overwhelm me and stress me out. I was seeing it as a struggle. Now that some of it is done and I feel accomplished, I see each task as an opportunity. An opportunity to get it done. An opportunity to be creative and resourceful in doing so. With that realization came the realization that this applies to the whole of my life. I have an endless track of hurdles before me. Each is just an opportunity to jump as best I can. Each will come in its time. Each will be jumped as needed.

Observation – I Am the Experiment

I’ve known this for some time but somehow it hit a bit harder this week. I talk about all of these fascinating things and present Lessons and Themes and Observations. One should wonder why then is my life such a constant mess. Because I Am the Experiment. I do it so others do not have to. I test the theories and the Principles. I am the lab rat so that others can know what can work and what will not.

The Post

It is so very late in the day to be just starting this process. However, with the week I have had, I would be disappointed in myself if I didn’t at least attempt to get this done.

It seemed such a very long week. Obviously, it was no longer than any other week. It just seems like the time between then and now is vast. And, even though I can recall so much of it, the beginning of my week just feels like it was Once Upon Ago. Where I am – within myself – seems so very different than where I was then. [6 Minutes is a Long Time and Anything Can Happen in 6 Minutes.]

This week was a little different than its predecessors. This week I had actually planned a whole day off – my day. I did have a day off two weeks ago but that was a spur of the moment judgment call and, though I did things I needed to do, I didn’t really focus on me. This time I had it planned out. I had it planned for weeks. I knew the day I was going to take off and I knew what was the priority of the day.

So, the day I took off was Monday – May 1st, May Day, Beltane. I had several reasons for choosing this day, so it is hard to say which was the predominant and motivating one. The truth is, it all just seemed to come together naturally, on it’s own.

First, it was a Monday. In my quest to have an actual day off every week [or every other] I have looked at Mondays as a potential option. Mondays tend to be the slowest day of the week. To be fair, I have had $200 Mondays, but those are extremely rare. [I can think of only two in two years of doing this.] Also, Monday is the day after Sunday – which sounds pretty obvious, but there’s a point. If I am off on a Monday, I can start my blogging late – as I am tonight – and not feel stressed or pressured in any way.

Another reason that I had chosen this particular day was that it was indeed Beltane. This is one of the Holi-Days I like to observe. It is from The Wheel of the Year, which, of course, is how I tell the time of my life.

Beltane has forever been one of my Holi-Days. It has a very particular energy and vibe to it. It seems the most potent, the most fertile, of all the Holi-Days. [The lusty month of May.] I haven’t really been able to take a Holi-Day off since Samhain [at least.] So, I had my chore planned for the day, but I also wanted to take some time to reflect on Spirit.

I have been feeling somewhat out of touch lately. I do my devotions and rituals every day. Still, I don’t quite feel in tune with Spirit. This is because I never slow down long enough to do so. Even my rituals and devotions have been harried of late. Do, I definitely wanted to vibe some on that.

I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to take off. My week last week was challenging, to say the least. I just barely made it through my week. In fact, I finished the week out [and started this week] -$14.02. [This is a vast improvement over -$355. Which happened once.] In order to ensure my day off and still be able to cover my deficit, I had to push my rent payment to Monday instead of doing it Sunday. This would push the withdrawal back to Tuesday morning and I would be able to cover that deficit in just a couple of orders.

So, I had my day off. The chore of the day was to get the two front beds done. On top of that, I had decided to clean the house – as long as I was home and had the time. So, I started cleaning early in the morning. My way of killing time until it was suitable for the flowerbed work. I didn’t get through it all before it was time to head outside. In fact, that time just kind of popped up. I was in the middle of cleaning and all of a sudden The Voice was like, “Ok. Time to go outside now.”

“But…but…I’m cleaning.”

“Finish later. Outside now.”

I’m glad it spoke up when it did. If I had waited any longer the sun would have been eventually beating down directly upon me and I would have been miserable. Even more miserable than I had been as I bear hugged the hostas.

I don’t know how long it actually took to get it all done. I only know that it was grueling and painstaking. The two front beds had become overrun with weeds and even grass. One of them looked like an extension to the yard. Digging up grass is a sucky task to begin with. You have to take it out in chunks. Sometimes you can dig in and get a good one. Sometimes you have to really work it out.

To add to my challenge – I would quickly learn that the front beds, at one point in time, had been rock beds. When someone decided to transform to regular beds, that someone threw the dirt right on top of the stones. Every other thrust of the shovel was hitting stone.

And if all that was not enough fun, when the beds were transformed, they were first dressed with a layer of that black gardening fabric. Personally, I think the stuff should be banned. I hate it. First of all, in the long run, it doesn’t actually do what you are paying for. You put that stuff down to deter the weed growth. But, over time, weeds just grow on top of it. [And those weeds are harder to pull.] Secondly, it makes transforming the bed a tedious task. [Also, I don’t buy into the nonsense that it lets rain and sun in. Not healthy enough amounts.]

Anyway, I worked my way through clearing the beds. It felt like a lot. [And I had already done the worst of the grassy part.] Once I had the space cleared I needed to dig some holes. This was not as bad as you might think, Fellow Travelers.

I dug three holes in each bed. I had two very large hostas that I wanted to transplant and break up. I love these plants. I had them all over Olde Geistopia. They come back every year and they spread on their own. So, basically, every year you can break up your plants in to many smaller plants. These two, in particular, are very large. I figured I could get three out of each of them.

This is when the real fun began. Both plants were placed on either side of the front step. So, I could actually only dig around about 2/3 of the bulbs…which were HUGE. I wasn’t able to break apart the roots properly. I had to dig and then wrestle each plant out of the ground. It was not easy but I did not quit and eventually got them both out. Then I had to cut the bulbs apart with an axe. A very, very dull axe.

Nonetheless, I got them replanted and, for the most part, they seem to be recovering well. After I was done, I cleaned up the best I could [or needed to,] came inside, took a lil something for the pain and laid myself down for a bit.

I don’t know how long I was out. Nor do I particularly care. I got up, finished the cleaning, made a steak dinner, did some whatnots and went to bed. I felt accomplished. I slept easy that night. I had done what I set out to do. I managed myself financially and had no urgency in that arena. But, most importantly, I had my time with Spirit. I had had lots of time. I stopped frequently throughout the day to just revel in be-ing.

I got up with a gusto on Tuesday morning. That was my Intention anyway. I went to bed ready to get up and conquer the world. Instead, the world had conquered me. The stiffness had set in. I was groggy and disoriented. Still, I did not let this deter me. I was a man on a mission.

I got myself together and got out on the road. I had such a rough time. It hurt to sit. It hurt to stand. It hurt to pick up the delivery bags. On top of that, as I said, my head was very not clear. I got through about three orders [Just Enough to cover my deficit] and headed back to New Geistopia.

I slept for three hours. At one point, I had even sat up, trying to motivate myself. All I ended up doing was laying back down on the bed facing the opposite direction. I moved very slowly the rest of the day. Everything hurt. The truth is, I am still feeling bits of it here and there today.

I took the day for what it had become. I rested. I spent more time meditating and praying and connecting. I finished up little odds and ends that I previously didn’t know when I would get to them. I knew it would hit me hard financially. It was going to make the remainder of my week quite the challenge. But, I tried not to focus on that.

I did have to give up three of the four activities in which I had wanted to partake – The Meeting Place, Spooky Queen’s Son, and The Funeral. I had to make up for missing all day Tuesday as well as Thursday night. Still, the week seemed to flow naturally and easily. I even stole away just a few moments of a Safety Meeting. [There was a Special guest and I thought it only appropriate that I make a quick appearance.] However, I left my apps on and as soon as I received an offer I was out the door.

The week was filled with accomplishments. I got the beds done. I cleaned the house. As I cleaned the house, I took stock of each room – projects, needs, light bulbs, etc. I was able to see Sunshine’s concert. I even managed to replace the VCR. [Not that you know to what it is I refer.] I helped a friend transition into PT Delivery work. I gave a random stranger a ride. [And that was so much fun.] I saw friends. I got other yard work done. I worked hard and turned a $14 deficit into a $7 profit. [A lot harder than it sounds.]

But, I also think I did a great deal of healing this week.

I do not want to be too pre-emptive in that diagnosis. But something is definitely different with me. [Different and yet, somehow, always the same.] I’ve seen it building slowly for a several weeks now. It has been happening in different ways. For instance, I am drinking water.

That may not sound very impressive t o some of you, Fellow Travelers, but you must understand that when it comes to drinking water…I don’t. To make it a bit clearer for you – I have started out trying to drink three bottles of water each day. In the first two days I had more water than I had in the entire year prior. So, as petty as it may seem it is quite the drastic shift. [The Slightest Change can Make the Biggest Difference.]

I’ve also noticed that some of my habits – my distractions and addictions have subsided. I wrestled with them for years, trying so many times and in so many ways to change them, defeat them, only to find that they would continue on – eventually, if not immediately. Suddenly, without any thought, nor effort, they just seem to cease. SNAP!

I have become more comfortable in my life. Not only what it is, but all that it has been. Even the Shadow parts. I feel more like me. The ‘Me’ from when I first came to be. The ‘Me’ that emerged from the fiery death of the ‘Me’ that was.

I’ve made a certain level of peace with so many aspects of my life. I even found peace in knowing some things will never find peace. Our lives are what they are – good, bad, or ugly. I can count so many moments that I could wish never were, so many possible regrets. Lost time, wasted time, unnecessary hurts. The list can go on and on. Still, I am happy with my life. I am satisfied with my experiences. It has been odd. It has been different. It has been mine…and I am content with where it has brought me.

The looming question – in regards to the home, and perhaps in regards to life in general – has been, “Has it sunk in yet? Does it feel real?”

Honestly, up until this past week, the answer has been, “No.” I can’t tell you why that was the answer. I don’t know what it was that was not clicking for me. Maybe it was a disconnect from it all – always running in and running out. Barely breathing when I am home. Maybe it was all an effect of my lack of self-worth. Constantly telling myself it can’t be real because I don’t really deserve it. I didn’t earn it. I can’t afford it.

The fact of the matter is – I have earned it. I have worked for it. No. If one were to look at my true finances, it would be said I cannot afford this. Still, against all odds, I have managed to do it for 4 months now. I have pushed and struggled and even broke for a moment. But, I have done it. I have managed. There has been help. There is always help and I never really like any of it. [It’s an ego thing.] But here I am, still standing. Perhaps even a bit firmer than before.

The home has been a true blessing, a gift from Spirit. If I questioned that at all, I can put those questions to rest. Not only did it all line up perfectly and naturally, but it filled out on its own as well. I have been here for 4 months. It has felt like such a very long time but in reality it is nothing at all. In that time though, my home has gone from sparsely furnished – a thrown together hodge-podge of life – to a fully furnished and functioning home. It is comfortable and cozy and practical. Again, it all happened naturally and on its own.

For so long, I dreamed of what life would be when I could have my own. When I could have my own space. No intruding on the space of others and not having enough of the space I needed. When I could have my own agenda and accountability. No more living by others’ expectations, always under the watchful eye of judgment. Yet, I carried those very attitudes and mindsets with me into New Geistopia. [Old Habits Die Hard.]

I can’t say why it had to take so long for me to reach this point. I am sure many have their opinions. But I look at what makes my life strong right this moment and none of it existed 5 years ago, let alone 10 or more. There was no food delivery. The house was far from being ready to be available.

So, one must wonder – why now?

My journey has brought me to a new mindset. I am here and I can have this. So, I am slowing down and letting life take its course. I’ve earned that mindset and approach. I have gotten over the humps. My finances are balanced. I am not having the chaotic and pressured experience any longer. Nor am I having the same in regards to tasks and chores. Slowly, step by step, things are getting done.

I made a big dent in the yard work and that makes me feel better. There are still plenty more dents ahead of me but I feel caught up and accomplished. Honestly, I can’t stand an unkept yard. It makes me tweak. I can deal with an untidy home before I can look at an unkept yard.

Nonetheless, I am moving slower and with a bit more purpose. For instance, it is now Monday morning. I ‘should’ be getting ready and hitting the road. But this needs to get done and Right This Moment there is no pressure on the income. Everything is covered Right This Moment. So, I am doing this and then I am making some breakfast. I will get out by lunchtime.

It seems a strange week for such a cavalier attitude. I have extra expenses this week. The Princesses are coming for the weekend so the grocery bill goes up quite a bit. Also, we are planning a trip to visit my grandmother in Delaware. So that is a big expense. Not to mention it will have me taking off all day on Saturday. I definitely have challenges before me. But I am going to just take Each as it Comes.

I have decided to focus on the driving and the home. I can manage both my time and finances with the driving. That is all I have done for the past three weeks and I have been able to pull off what has been necessary. I have also had plenty of time for me and for the home. This must be the course.

I have set a good foundation. I just need to continue to maintain it while I slowly chip away at the rest.

I am certain that I could ramble on and on. I could tell all sorts of stories from this past week. I find it unnecessary. It is not a time for such things.

It is a new Season – literally. Not only have we switched to a new ‘season’ of WTML, but Beltane marks the beginning of what I recognize as summer. With the new season comes a new attitude. Perhaps even a new me.

Buckle up, Fellow Travelers, and please keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times. I think we are setting out on the greatest adventure yet.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

**Addendum**

I found some notes here and I just wanted to do a quick jot.

First – Gratitude and Zen. I think these go hand in hand. I am currently practicing both.

Second is some time Markers. Some are past.

For instance – Three days, which would have been this past Friday.

Then there is 2 weeks, which would be when the girls are coming and also the mark of a previous 30 day whisper.

6 weeks. This would be Midsummer.

6 Months. A time frame of May 1 through Nov. 1.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Alligator – Primal Energies of Birth, Motherhood, and Initiation

There could not be death without life or life without death. The feminine principle of life, and therefore birth. Initiation – endings/beginnings. The culmination of knowledge on one level and the seeking for newer on others. Higher vision and clairvoyance. Don’t go too fast. Digest what you have learned and experienced before moving on. Look for an opportunity to touch primal energies. There is going to be an opportunity for strong birth and/or initiation that will open new knowledge and wisdom in life.

Bear - Awakening the Power of the Unconscious

The Seven Great Lights of The Divine. Ties to subconscious and even unconscious mind. A symbol for alchemy, the ingredients of primal matter. It relates to all initial stages and primal instincts. How to go within to find the resources necessary for survival. Help you go within your soul’s inner sanctum to find your answers. Discernment and discrimination. Is your judgment off? How about those around you? Are you not recognizing what is beneficial in your life? Are you not seeing the core of good deep within all situations? Being too critical of yourself and others? Wearing rose-colored glasses? Go deep within so that you can make your choices and decisions from a position of power. Linking Heavens and Earth. Symbol of fertility, of things that grow. We must bring what we awaken into the world and apply it. Keep the cub inside alive and occasionally climb trees. A need to go deep within yourself. Have periods in your life when you are more reclusive. Go within yourself and even give birth to two or three ideas or projects. The Natural sweetness of life. Go within to awaken the power, but only by bringing it out into the open and applying it will the honey of life be tasted.

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

Falcon - (whatismyspiritanimal.com)

Time to sit in the seat of power. Help creating strategies.

Fox - Feminine Magic of Camouflage, Shapeshifting and Invisibility.

New world opening up. The process of creation is beginning. Guide to enter the Faerie Realm. Unless a male can recognize the magic of the feminine - in himself or others - and learn to use it to Shapeshifting his own life, it will ultimately lead to destruction. The Kundalini, and the freeing of the creative life force. Practicing and using camouflage. Working to blend in with surroundings, to come and go unnoticed, moving silently about without revealing your intentions. Learning to control the aura. Adjust its frequency and intensity so that you harmonize more with others. Levels of energy and fertility. If the focus stays on the creative energies, any sharp turn in the individual’s life will be handled with ease. Fox people have the ability to insulate themselves from anything that may seem cold, especially in relationships. Can appear larger than they are - for personal protection or for making greater impressions. Establish a trotting pace. Ability to move into new directions. Call upon new resources instinctively. Excellent ability to hear what is not being said. The ability to hear spirit. Size people up accurately. Develop the ability to see spirit. Aromatherapy. Awakening of the Kundalini. Higher forms of discrimination and discernment. Capture any prize.

Groundhog – Mystery of Death without Dying – Trance - Dreams

The ability to get deep within an area of interest. A time when a new area of study is going to open up. Two years to come to full fruition. Important to give definite signals to the boundaries you wish to have respected in your life. Death without Dying. A time of initiation. A symbol of opening fully to the Dreamtime. Increasing ability to develop lucid dreaming. Clarity and power of altered states will be amplified. Dreams will become more significant. Opportunity to explore deeper states of consciousness. Lessons associated with death and dying. Revelations about its process. Knowledge of metabolic control.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.