S10EP3: The ART of Journalization [Or, Beware All Ye Who Enter]

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John & Sister Jen

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, May 21, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Elapsing

Theme – Cycle, Rhythm, Flow

I have been thinking about this phrase for 2 days. I do not know if I will be able to explain it correctly. Our lives function in these three manners. We all have Cycles we follow whether we realize it or not. Some of them are dictated but outer circumstances, but many are just internal and natural. The areas of our lives all seem to have an ebb and flow to them. Ups and downs. Good times and bad. The Cycles are patterns and seem to be constants. They happen in rote and routine ways. Such as my Nov. thru January. [Samhain to Imbolc.] It is the same year after year. There is a period when it seems like nothing is happening and then all of a sudden everything is happening and just at the last moment, right in time, I manage to pull together Christmas/Yule. Then there is another period of seeming dormancy as I put all of the pieces of my life together. Though the Cycle is predictable – it starts and ends like clockwork – I never know exactly how it is going to go, how I get from beginning to end. Sometimes it is a crazy ride. This is the Flow. The Flow is different with every Cycle. Rhythm, of course, is the rate or pace with which The Flow Happens. Sometimes it is fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes it is erratic and chaotic. At others it is smooth and steady. They all happen naturally and of their own accord. If we can recognize the Cycles we are better prepared to adjust with The Flow and accommodate the Rhythms.

Lesson – Your Goal May Not Be THE Goal

I actually just had this thought as I was typing out Thursday’s stream of events. The week is what it is for a reason. [This is a test, this is only a test.] Nonetheless, I have been having my stresses and worries for finances this week. Obviously, I do every week, but this week it has been a bit…extra. My stress and worry comes from my personal Goal of wanting to be balanced by the end of the weekend. Currently, this is not feasible. This is not for lack of trying. However, I have been given all the pieces to move in order to minimize damage along the way – until things can and do find balance. So, my Goal is obviously not the same as Spirit’s Goal for this week. For Spirit, this week is all about…something else.

Observation – Stop Putting it Off

I have been holding off on so many things for so many different reasons. Car wash is the perfect example. I have been trying to keep my expenses as low as possible each week and I have just ben putting off getting the supplies – over and over again, each week, I would put it off. I finally broke down and got it. I took the hit. It is What it is What it is. It was a quick and temporary hurt. But now I have the stuff. The Rocket is washed…and I have what I need to continue taking care of it. I feel so much better for this. It was tweaking me, seeing my car dirty like that everyday week after week. You have to take the dive. You have to make the first move. One Step, One Moment, at a Time. Piece by Piece, Bit by Bit, it all comes together – Precise & Perfectly Placed.

The Post

1911

Well, my day is in and my week is complete. Before we continue on, allow me to explain some things, Fellow Travelers.

What you are about to read is about as close to my actual mind as I can give you. I talk all the time about how all I do is think. I think about this and I think about that. All day long so many things just turn over in my mind. So many things that often I forget them before the day is through. So imagine how much I must forget before the week’s end.

So, this week, I tried to write twice a day as well as capture what notes I could throughout the day. The following post is the result of such efforts. However, you will be reading my week backwards. It starts right here, right now. Right this Moment. And, it ends with my first entry Monday morning.

Good luck…and safe travels.

Financially, the week concluded much as I had expected. I am facing my 2nd largest deficit since this all began, replacing last week’s in that spot. A few weeks ago I would have faced this moment with great trepidation and anguish. This week I am handling it a bit better.

The truth is, for as bad as it ended, it ended better than I had projected. Better enough that, if I manage myself, I can survive it. As projected, I can survive it, but I will not be able to actually balance it until next week. I can move and manipulate in order to avoid fees and potentially making the problem worse. I cannot, though, fix the problem.

Not based on what I know at this time. [But what do we ever really know?]

Enough of that for now though. I can dwell and wallow in my drying up financial wellspring. It has flowed before and it shall flow again.

I think the purpose to this little experiment was to demonstrate the inner workings of my mind, as well as to purge the depths of it. That being said, I believe I am going to repeat the project next week. However, next week I will leave it in chronological order.

Overall it was an incredible and intense week. But I am going to let it speak for itself.

1036

I saw a definite difference in Sunshine this week. Her energy was a little lighter and brighter. Her personality was less caustic. She was interactive and helpful. I am so glad to see that. In fact, she didn’t even give me attitude when she caught me watching her sleep.

I had been helping The Boyfriend move a desk I had found along the side of the road. Sunshine’s door was open and when I leave Cuddlebug’s room it is literally one more step into Sunshine’s. So, I stopped at the door and looked in at her. I was admiring how peaceful she looked, how content her energy seemed. It made my heart soft for a moment because I do worry so much about her. Still I enjoyed what I saw this weekend. I saw a similar pattern at The Nest last year. The more frequently she visited, the more her energy lifted.

This all has me thinking about blessings. Recently, I stumbled upon a video of some alleged minister. He was saying that both G-d and the Devil can bless our lives. But, G-d’s blessings for you will bless others. If others are not finding blessings from your blessings then they are from the Devil.

Hogwash!!

[Or, maybe that’s just me.]

It did get me to thinking though [because everything gets me to thinking.] I have felt very blessed in much of my life. I feel blessed with the house. But, for instance, when I was homeless, my life circumstances did not allow for me to be very helpful to others. I would complain about it often. I was barely hanging on and able to do for myself for so long. How could that be good for any of us? How could that be good for others? Good for me? Good for G-d?

I have been lodging the same complaint as I have fumbled through the financial clusterfuck my life has become. How can I help or bless others when I can barely take care of myself? So, maybe the good pastor’s mini-sermon struck a chord with me. I do feel like I am lacking to a certain degree in life because I have not really been able to work my magicks in so very long.

So, how are my blessings blessing others?

Sunshine helped answer that for me this weekend. New Geistopia, no different than The Cave at Olde Geistopia, is a healing environment. The Boyfriend, in his own way, reaffirmed this notion. He was very grateful for the brief change in environments.

Still, no one really comes here. As I sit here typing away I think that maybe no one comes here now. The Homestead is still finding its way. As am I. Of course, we are also still finding each other. It is a process and it is happening. Soon, it will all be ready for visitors.

I have this whole extra writing that I am working on – similar in nature to Home Sweet Home. I have to be very careful to not include too much of that information in these posts. [I may have already come dangerously close to crossing the line.] Some things can trickle in. They must. Just as they did with Home Sweet Home. Just the right things were hinted at and alluded to at tjust the right moments and in just the right ways. [Speaking of…I am about due for an entry there soon.]

Recently, I feel like I am going through this morphing process. But instead of becoming something different, I am becoming something so intimately familiar. I am experiencing more and more moments that leave me feeling the same as I did Once Upon Ago when this was all so new.

I think I am going through a process of remembering who I am and how this all works. For so very long, I tried to force my life into the containers that other people found suitable, breaking myself along the way. Now, I am finding myself once more. I remembering then remembering now – the when, the where, the why, the how.

0910

I meant to tell you, Fellow Travelers, Shamus broke today. If you do not know who Shamus is, then let me tell you. Shamus is the very first walking stick that ever came to me. Admittedly he came in a backwards, almost underhanded way, but he came nonetheless.

For two decades, Shamus has been faithful and true. He has taken every trip and traveled so many places. He has been with me through the best and the worst of it all. He truly has been one of the most magickal things [creatures] I have come across. He has forever radiated…something. Something powerful. Something everyone seems to sense.

[Perhaps I had forgotten this. Perhaps I was being unappreciative.]

Anyway, he has been traveling with me the last few days. Yesterday, I put him in the back because he has been getting somewhat in my way in the front. I just can’t have that.

In my day, I stopped to try to load a grill I found on the curbside. [Sadly, it did not fit.] When I went to put The Rocket back together [seats up and such] I found that Shamus was kind of in the way of the one seat.

I was impatient and harried. I did not do what I knew I should have done. Instead I took a chance. I thought that just maybe, if done right, the seat would sneak past him. I was wrong. I was very, very wrong.

The seat was flying up and for a moment, though pinned to the door, it looked as though Shamus was going to make it. Then….SNAP! [Just like that everything changed.]

I was a bit heart [and soul] broken for a moment. But I am well aware it was my own fault. [I am a Fool – not foolish.]

I would like to say that perhaps it is representative of a new life beginning. Shamus most definitely represents a past out of which I have been slowly moving. Perhaps snapping him was the final act of the ritual.

Of course, that is just me trying to make myself feel better. Because it is just as likely, if not more so, that it was simply Karma – a sort of punishment – for allowing my ego to make me impatient and cloud my decision making.

Perhaps it was a symbolic reminder that if we do not connect, value, appreciate something then we very well may lose it.

Perhaps it was all of these things and more. For you see, I learned another Lesson as well.

Though Breaks can be Mended, Things are Never the Same

The break happened in just the right place and in such a way that if I tend to it properly and carefully, it can be mended and Shamus can return to us. But he will never be good as new anymore. There will be certain cares and precautions that will need to be taken. He will need to be handled and used just slightly different.

Breaks can be Mended

Burned bridges can be rebuilt.

Broken hearts can heal.

But…Things are Never the Same.

A slight tension remains.

Scars form.

The car situation. Oy vay! [So a side note is that at each of these time intervals I just jotted down keywords. This writing contains all of the actual thoughts that followed each moment.]

I found myself frustrated with The Rocket today. I do like the car. Do not think that I don’t. But, it is not really built for the whole vision of my life. I cannot haul things the way I used to do. But that is such a part of my life. I have passed over many things, such as the grill, because I just cannot get them in the car. I am not used to this. I was once able to haul a great amount of stuff in my vans.

So…’if I had the money’ I do think that is something I would change. I think. I think I would look at getting a van once more. I can haul more and do more. It is more comfortable for traveling with The Princesses. And now The Princesses generally include The Boyfriend. The Rocket just is not big enough for all of us [and stuff.]

But, then, today, I was able to retrieve that desk [which works perfectly for Cuddlebug in her room.] It fit just right in the back of The Rocket. I smiled and chuckled a bit to myself. But I also thought on a Lesson from several weeks ago. I never shared it but I have thought about it often.

To Get What You Want You Must First Appreciate What You Have.

Anyway, when I left this morning, I refused to take a stick with me. I wasn’t having that again today. Besides, I needed the room to move the desk.

On my way out this morning, I noticed that the rose bush is blooming. I cut a rose and took it with me on my day.

0807

I knew there was something else on my mind. I just couldn’t find it before. I thought of it as I was thinking about my finances and situations. I thought about how there are certainly times when I could try to stay out a little bit longer and maybe make a bit more money. Then I thought about last night.

Last night, I probably could have squeezed another hour out of dinner. Maybe. The last offer I had taken dropped me in town, on the other side of the house. It left me about 20 minutes from my normal driving area and in an area I do not tend to work – smaller fares, more inconveniences, etc, etc. So, it would have taken me at least 20 minutes to get back into an area with acceptable offers. By that time it is the tail end of dinner. Would I really make enough on an offer to make it worth driving all the way back to my area to take one maybe two offers and then have to drive all the way back home?

This was the thought process as I decided it was a good time to just call the day. I was positioned to get home easily. I had been out off and on all day and it had been a slow day. I did way more sitting and waiting than I ever like to do. The sitting and waiting wears on me almost as much as the constant driving. So, I end up worn and tired at the end of it.

I came home and I am glad I did. It was perfect timing. Any later an the momentum of the night would have shifted greatly.

When I got home, I unloaded The rocket and immediately sat down to write. I didn’t even unpack from the day. I just got it in the house. I no sooner sat down and Sunshine came down the steps. She and Cuddlebug were going to play a game, if I was interested. I told them to go ahead and I would join them after I wrote. I also suggested that since The Boyfriend was here we could try one of the games from the closet – Battle of the Sexes.

That scenario developed much quicker than I thought it would. The girls played a few rounds of their game. Sometimes it is nice to not join them because I like to just listen to the life that is happening. I have spent pretty much the whole of their lives only getting to live life with them 51 hours a week three weeks a month. So, sometimes instead of engaging in the moment, I enjoy just sitting back, observing and absorbing.

Anyway, we played our game and had a lot of fun doing it. A lot of fun. The kids also wanted to do a fire and it was getting later. So, we called the game and went out and got the fire going. They each did a couple of s’mores and then it started to mist. The mist quickly turned into a drizzle which rapidly became a solid rain.

With the fire over, everyone came inside and went their separate ways. I had gone up to talk to Sunshine and she was very awake and alert and energetic. It turns out she was interested in still hanging out with people. Cuddlebug and The Boyfriend had gone to bed. I was on my way. But, I offered to hang out with her if she wanted to do something. She told me to go on to bed.

I laid in bed thinking on it. Such a shame, really. Should I feel bad that I wasn’t hanging out with her when she was in the mood, even though I really did need the sleep I was about to get? What about all the times we have wanted to hang out with her and she wasn’t in the mood? Maybe there are Lessons here for all of us.

Maybe our Lesson was to learn to be there in spite of our personal needs. Perhaps Sunshine’s Lesson was that she should take the time when it is available…because maybe it won’t be when she’s ready. I think they are good Lessons for everyone. Especially that last one. Life is so very precious and special. Sadly, any moment can be the last – the last of a job or a relationship…or even just the very last. So, we should do our best to enjoy and appreciate every moment and experience that is presented.

This brings me back to the Hummingbird.

One such moment was while I was lying in bed. Sunshine’s room is right above mine. As she was moving about doing whatever she was doing last night, she was humming. [Also Hummingbird.] At one point I muted my television just to listen. Frist, it’s nice to hear because I know when she’s humming she is happy. But, again, it’s also nice to hear life happening around me. The life of my daughters.

The other thing that was on my mind all day was, What would you do if you ‘had the money?’” This wasn’t really just about me. I was just pondering in general. We all have that list, “If I had the money, I would…”

For many, the list that follows might be filled with tasks and projects and upgrades for life – some sort of remodel or appliances bought, etc, etc. Very often it is a list of grand wishes and dreams – travelling the world or some luxury purchase.

In a conversation with Sparky at this week’s Safety Meeting it was even brought up in regards to house cleaning and yard work. I was commenting on larger houses and properties. I admitted they are all very nice and some are cool as shit. But, at the end of the day that’s a lot of upkeep.

“Well, if you have the money,” he started,” for a place like that you can afford to pay someone to do it.”

I don’t know that I would ever want that. Not only do I enjoy taking care of the homestead, but I think it is important to do so personally. It is what helps keep you truly connected. I wonder though what would happen if I changed my perspective. I mean, if I had the money, I could hire someone. I could hire someone and still do certain jobs and tasks myself or even just do it all one week. But, more importantly, my hiring someone would be sharing my blessing. I would be blessing someone with work and income. Perhaps someone just like myself who is trying to get by on whatever odd jobs might come along. Or maybe someone starting out in a business of his/her/their own. Even hiring a larger company to do it might provide an employee with extra [needed] hours.

But that wasn’t really part of the ‘what would you do’ thought train. It was sort of a side track.

Anyway, I do wonder what I would do ‘if I had the money.’ How would life change? Would it change?

For instance, if I had the money, I would get myself some more clothing. Most of what I have is getting worn – tattered edges, burn holes, just old and dirty. I could also use a suit, or at least a sport coat. I could use more jeans. So, ‘if I had the money’ I would take care of that. However, even if I Had more money than I could know what to do with, I would most likely go someplace like Goodwill Bins where I can spend mere dollars for pounds of second hand clothing. I don’t need a grand shopping trip to the mall.

If I had the money, I would do something different about a vehicle. I do like The Rocket. I have come to appreciate it very much. However, as I was reminded yesterday, it is not entirely conducive for what my life is. [I found a grill on the curb. It wouldn’t fit in the back. I have seen a lot of things this week that I would have picked up If I could have fit them in The Rocket. Still, I don’t know that I would rush into a vehicle ‘if I had the money.’ I don’t know that I would get anything fancy or new.

There are lots of things I would do ‘if I had the money.’ I have a list of charitable organizations and inspirations. I would give to the Zoo. I would give to some of the college and member based radio stations I listen to regularly.

The other week I was driving through the city and stumbled upon some youth baseball teams at play. It wasn’t just kids out for sport. It was youth association teams. But, I noticed not a one of them had uniforms. ‘If I had the money’ I would go and get every one of those temas their own uniforms. They’re not needed to play the game, but imagine the feeling those kids could get from being able to put on a uniform and look like a team. Look like a team, feel like a team. Feel like a team, play like a team.

0723

Cuddlebug and The Boyfriend came down and we got to talking. I told her that they throw off my rhythm when they’re here. LOL.

So, where is my head today?

Thinking is a Hard Habit to Break.

Bonus Theme, Lesson, and Observation.

I think constantly. If I’m not thinking about my finances, I am thinking about home projects and tasks. If I am not thinking about the tasks then I am thinking about other income sources. If I am not thinking about that, I am thinking about blog posts or videos. When all of that runs out, I think about the past and the future…and even the present. I think about myself and who I have been, who I am, who I wish to be.

Lately, I have been trying to break myself of the Thinking Habit. [Not as easy as it sounds.] I am just looking to be these days. It is What it is What it is. I am focusing more and more on just appreciating the moment – being in it. Whether I am at home or on the road working or doing something else. Basically, I am trying to adapt Quest Mentality in my daily life.

I am not looking at my financial situation until tomorrow morning. It is What it is. All I can do at this point is work today and do the best I can. [It’s actually harder than you might think to not look at the bank account or the PayPal or do calculations.] I am definitely worried about it. I fear it is worse than I had originally projected [and that was already a pretty dire scenario.] Still, I have a plan – or as much of one that I can at the moment. I have a deadline. I have given myself about 10 days to straighten it out. [maybe 2 full weeks.] I did this more for my peace of mind.

That being said, I think the dental clinic is out. Unless there is a great shift, I cannot see how I will be able to afford that whole day off. [And risk possibly missing the next day as well.] But there is time between now and then. There is plenty of time. Six Minutes is an Awfully Long Time…and Anything can Happen in Six Minutes.

I really feel like there is a shift on the horizon. But, then, I feel like I feel that way often. Of course, my life has been known to shift often.

I think that is all I have at the moment. I am sure I will do one more quick entry at the end of my day.

Sunday, May 21, 2023; 0636

Sun enters Gemini 0309

trine Pluto 0958

Moon v/c 1812

enters Cancer 2328

square Neptune 1812

Warm. Partly Sunny.

Feeling a bit heavy this morning. [Stress & Worry.] Stomach things [a couple days now] Left knee a lil sore.

Morning Devotion/LBRP/BRH – Started slow and focused. Rushed by end. Good visualization early. Energy flowed.

0857

So it is later than I wanted it to be. Not sure why I am checking in, but I am. Just real quick. I spent some time with Cuddlebug and The Boyfriend this morning. We chatted and I showed them where things were and what is up. They talked of all sorts of activities and potential projects for the day. I just wanted to make sure they knew what they needed to know to do them.

Then they made breakfast and offered to make me some as well. So, I stuck around for that. Now I just need to make coffee, shower and pack for the day. Then I am off.

(“Soon”)

Saturday, May 20, 2023; 0720

Mars in Leo 1131

Opposition Pluto 1112

Moon square Saturn 0258

Cooler temps. Overcast/misting. Rain possible

Physically a little tight and worn. Moving slow and steady. Emotionally clear. Positive vibes. Mental calm. Root/Sacral Chakra activity.

Oy! What a morning already.

So, I didn’t get a chance to another entry yesterday. I drove morning and lunch and then off to Wally World, picked up the kids, put groceries away, washed The Rocket [Yes! I washed it…finally,] and then off to The Theatre for 4 hours. I did contemplate writing when I got home but I was just too wiped. [And sore.]

It was a typical New Moon. I just sort of vibed through the day, especially at The Theatre.

The day was slower again yesterday. At this point, I really feel like The Universe is testing my mettle. The days of been ridiculously slow, but I have always been making Just Enough to keep myself afloat at the time. I’m still running behind and I have no clue by how much. I should be able to manage and maintain for a few more days.

Working to my advantage next week [financially,] my grocery bill should be minimal. I have more than enough dinners and plenty to fake my way through the occasional breakfasts that I have. I will need some basics along the way. Frankly, that might be the case for two weeks. Also, I only have two scheduling conflicts for the week. Monday morning The Rocket goes to The Mechanic for a pre-inspection. It just keeps me from working the early part of Breakfast – which can be very, very slow. Wednesday night there is some sort of senior awards at Cuddlebug’s school. That will take me off the road towards the middle of dinner.

I believe I can get balanced out again. In the Grand Scheme of things, I will be OK if I can do it by the end of the month. That is the current Goal.

I felt good all day yesterday. I enjoyed my time at The Theatre last night. I do enjoy it there and I do adore each of them. The Theatre certainly has a place in my life. I just don’t know what it is. I can’t imagine going back on an actual regular basis. Yet, I am certain I am more involved than I am currently.

Today has been moving slow. I had a rough time at first this morning. Minimal sleep and my body was still tight from last night. The nice thing to Saturdays is that the business starts later in the morning than the weekdays and once it starts it stays fairly steady throughout the day. So, I wanna just go out and do the best that I can today.

I only have two other missions today. I need to swing by The Theatre for my check from last night. And I need to take Sunshine back up to the Ice Cream Place to pursue this job a little further.

I have this strange and vague feeling of being completely OK. I see a very different future than the present I am experiencing. I don’t how. I don’t when, nor what.

What if, a month from now, life is completely different?

Friday, May 19, 2023; 0519

New Moon in Taurus

Moon sextile Neptune, Mars

Trine Pluto

Conjunct Sun

Mercury sextile Saturn

Cloudy, moderate temperature

I feel pretty good this morning. I’m not overly tired for just waking up. My mind seems fairly clear. I feel mostly balanced.

I slept good. I woke up at one point and heard traffic going by and thought I had overslept. Actually, it was 0333. [Interesting time.]

I have projected my finances for the next several days. From this end of things, it seems very bad. I don’t want to say impossible. I mean…it is. I certainly will not be balanced by the end of Sunday. I might not even be able to do it by Tuesday. There very well could be a fee in my near future. Of course, it is what it is and it will be what it will be. My grocery bill might be a little less than I budgeted. The same for my gas expense. The rest depends on how much I can make.

My day today is fairly set in stone. I can work until about 1400-1430. Then I need to get to Wally World for groceries. Then I have to pick the kids up by 1545. I’ll get them home and settled in, put groceries away and get myself ready to be at The Theatre between 1800-1830.

Tomorrow is a wild card. I need to get up and get out as early as I can. [between 0700-0800.] I need to stay out and working as long as there are fares to be had. I don’t know if I’ll take any kind of a break. Certainly not one that has me coming home. Hopefully I will be able to spend at least some time with the kids on Saturday night. [Somewhere in here I need to take Sunshine, hopefully, for her second interview.]

Sometime on Sunday I have to return the kids. I think this can be done all at one time and at a decent time in the day [as to not interfere with delivering.]

I made an unfortunate Observation this morning.

Hope can be crippling.

This morning, through my calculations, I eliminated all hope of getting caught up by Sunday. I can see no way it is possible. I even diminished most hope for being balanced by Tuesday. This may sound depressing, but as I said last night, it is almost liberating. Knowing there is nothing I can really do except show up and flow allows me to just relax and let things be. Whereas, if I had hope that I could change things, I would spend my days in stress – pushing and wanting to do more and more. My head would be clouded. I would frustrate easily.

My hope would distract me from living my best possible day(s.)

One last thought. I think I touched on it a bit last night.

I need to take more ‘jumps.’

For weeks, I have been holding back and putting things off – such as getting car wash stuff. I haven’t been taking The Rocket to the car wash because I have ‘felt like’ I couldn’t afford the $10. I certainly can’t do that every week. So, I have been wanting to get car wash stuff to just do it at home. But, again, it has been a budgeting thing. I have been putting it off to keep my budget under control.

It's true that it will cost me the same as a car wash, maybe even two. However, once I take the ‘jump’ and just get the stuff, I will be able to wash The Rocket all summer long [and then some] without spending another cent.

I thought on this again this morning as I was thinking about candles. In the past two weeks, I have taken the ‘jump’ with some candles. Candles are a staple in Geistopia. There are always candles. The candles have found their homes over the past few months. But, they are not a vital thing. [For my Spirit, yes, but not as a whole in life.] So, I have been going as cheap as I can with the candles – getting them at Wally World or the Dollar Store. These candles have done the trick. For several weeks I have been burning candles less and shifting them around the house so I can burn them in the important spots. All in an effort to save money and keep my budget as balanced as possible.

However, last week, I bought a candle set for the kitchen table. I bought a 3 candle tiered votive set. It is exactly what I have been wanting for the table. It cost just slightly more than buying 3 of the candles I have been putting there. As long as it lasts at least three weeks it is a fair trade and an acceptable purchase. If they last longer than three weeks then I am ultimately saving some money.

This morning I had a similar realization concerning the candles I bought earlier this week. I got 2 for the price of 3 of my usuals. First, they have a much stronger scent to them and I like that. Second, again, if they last long enough, I will ultimately save money.

I’ve been wanting to do different with my candles for months but just couldn’t bring myself to break the system. I have taken the ‘jump’ and now I can see how it all turns out. Maybe my candle buying as a whole has changed.

I wonder how many places in my life that I am stifling growth because I can’t just take the jump and get or do what I want or need.

2146

There is definitely something in the air.

What a very odd day. I mean, it’s been an odd week as a whole, but I feel like today just made it ‘real.’ Which reminds me – I have to check something….

Yup! It’s The Day Before.

This is the kind of thing that I, personally, would have hoped to capture when I was asked to the post like this. I had that thought already this morning. Like a wave of realization. I was in the shower just trying to breathe and be. I was letting the water run over me as I tried to relax and release. I thought on how strange the week was but, in particular, how off my morning had seemed already. Then it hit me. Surely the New Moon was very close. I knew in that moment, I could feel, that it was The Day Before.

Anyway, it was a very off day – financially. I made what I need to in order to keep myself out of the negative for one more day. Tomorrow I begin again. I caught the late end of breakfast. Lunch was very slow overall. Dinner was absolutely terrible. I stuck it out as long as I could.

Right This Moment, there is a large part of me that is totally hating on this week’s experiment.

I have been asked to walk through this week in Faith. I am not to stress and worry the way I normally would do. [I have still been stressed and worried – but it has been kept in check.] I have been asked to just take Each as it Comes and Follow the Flow. It just seems that things are not flowing in my favor…or is that only how it seems?

Despite the bumps in the road, I am feeling remarkably Zenful. I’m kinda at peace with it all.

It is What it is What it is.

I have reached that point in my week when there is nothing left to do but show up. I have to spend what I spend and I can only make what I make. This is stressful because I can feel very helpless. But, it can also be liberating. All I have to do is show up. As long as I do that I am accomplished. As long as I am accomplished I can just take Each as it Comes.

As for tonight – I have laundry to fold, dishes to do…and maybe I should try to eat…something.

0752

I’m running a bit behind at the moment. I had a lot to catch up on this morning. I still have a few small tasks – starting laundry, adding yeast to the toilets, etc. Nonetheless, I noticed that as I moved through my morning that I was slowing down. Slower, more aware, striving to be in tune. [Thinking is a hard habit to break.]

Yesterday is void-ish, Once Upon Ago. It feels as though today may be heading in the same direction. I can not rush, stress, push. I must just take it one step, one moment, at a time. I still feel good things on the horizon. I just can’t see the horizon yet.

The next four days are whatever they are going to be. The only variable is income and I cannot control that. All of my expenses are fixed. My schedule fluctuations are fairly fixed as well – The Theatre tomorrow night, transporting the kids tomorrow and Sunday. Grocery shopping tomorrow. I have shifted everything I can [even if I thought I shouldn’t.]

There is a haze sweeping over me. It’s time to set off into the rest of this day.

Thursday, May 18, 2023;0515

I feel like I don’t have anything to write this morning.

Still going through odd moments. I feel good, but still kind of heavy. The week is quickly coming to a close. I am still way behind and trying to figure out how to make it all work. I can move a bill to the very end of next week and I have eliminated one bill from next week completely. Such a conundrum. Finances are such a staple in our lives – bills and groceries and wants and needs vs. income. But, I need to not keep my focus on it. [What You Resist Persists. What You Feed Energy Into Grows.]

I am out of options at the moment. I think I wrote that at the beginning of the week. All I can do is keep going out and driving. Make the most of it and hope for the best. In the meantime, I just remain open to options that come my way. [I do have one thought to pursue…eventually.]

As bad as the situation seems, especially this week, I have to remain hopeful and positive. I have gotten this far. [Almost 5 full months.] Of course, I believe there has been a lot of Divine help, of course.

In regards to my ‘tripping’ of late. I go through a lot of strange moments with the house. I’m here. I am settled. Still, it feels somehow surreal. At the same time, I have moments when I just stand and revel in it. In those moments it does seem real. I had such a moment last night after writing. I just stood in the kitchen and looked around. It felt good. This is my home. It’s comfortable. It has a vibe…or at least, it is developing one. I think The Princesses help with that a lot.

The home was a blessing, a gift. I think a lot of my stress and worry comes from feeling like I can’t do right by it – not just financially, but also in keeping up with the work. But this may also come from my need for completion. I know what the Goal is, I know for what I am striving, so I feel like I should have gotten there by now. In my head, I make it easier than it is.

I think that is all for now. The morning is ticking away and I still have a lot to do before I leave. Overall, I feel good. I won’t get financially caught up this week, but I may be able to manipulate so that I don’t incur fees. I’ve kind of known that all week though. It will take me until at least the end of next week to set things right again. I’m nervous though. I am still in the negative and catching up. But I also still have some bills plus gas and groceries and what not…plus rent. I don’t know that I can make the money I need in the days I have left. I don’t know that I can make enough of it to keep myself at least steady going into next week. All I can do is just keep going and deal with it the best I can.

[Feeling something in the air today.]

2105

I am having the strangest day. I felt good this morning and tonight I am just worn and cloudy-headed. I feel heavy. I don’t feel bad. Just heavy. I thought about going to bed but I wanted to get a writing in. I don’t know why. I don’t know that I have anything important to write. But I made the Commitment to work through this.

My day dragged. I made the money I needed to in order to get out of the negative [for today.] But I just barely made it in time to save my ass. Still, I made it and this is something for which I can be grateful. I also managed just a little extra before the end of the day.

There were several long down times and several long drives. It just started to ‘hurt’ after a while.

0755

Overwhelming energy, sense of power, and calm/peace

I just saw Santa

0704

Thinking about finances/life – “Just own it” (similar to ‘Home Sweet Home’)

Fox running through field

Wednesday, May 17, 2023;0515

It looks a bit overcast today.

Moon into Taurus 0828.

Square Mars and Pluto

Conjunct Jupiter and Mercury

Sextile Saturn

Jupiter square Pluto

I slept good. I definitely feel rested. But I also feel a bit anxious, a bit restless. [only I could feel both rested and restless at the same time.] I have quite a few intense days ahead of me. Today and tomorrow are strictly about delivering. I do have cans to pick up tonight but I arranged that for towards the end of dinner shift. I also need to do the second round of grocery shopping. Right now, I am looking at Friday for that. I’ll grocery shop and then go get the kids. I will do it tomorrow if I think finances allow for it.

The shopping is always a challenge. I have things I need and just keep putting off – such as car wash supplies. The Rocket is just filthy and it is driving me nuts. But I can’t afford to run it through the car wash. Of course, that means, technically, I can’t afford the supplies to do it at home either. Still, I was just going to break down his week and get them. However, that shopping trip keeps getting pushed back and it will be almost next week till I get them anyway. So, I might just let it ride one more time and get them as early as I can next week.

My finances this week really have me twisted up. It hurts when I have to start a week as far behind as I did this week. I can’t regret any of the choices that created the situation. I trusted the flow and the vibes last week and this was what I ended up with. I’ll continue to trust the flow this week and hopefully by mid next week I can have it straightened out once more.

I get anxious because I know I have some heavier expenses coming up in June. Right this Moment I don’t know how I am going to manage them. But, then, Right this Moment I don’t have to.

I have been going through a phase of gratitude lately. I just feel very lucky and blessed and thankful for every moment – good or bad. Even yesterday, as I watched my grocery bill steadily rising, I found myself giving thanks for spending the money. Bless each dollar spent as much as each dollar earned.

Well, time is ticking away once more. I don’t have much to do to be ready for the day but I would like to get at it so I don’t feel stressed or pressured.

What, exactly, does The Universe have in store for me today? [There is a def vibe.]

1900

I’m not sure what to write. It was a strange day. Challenging.

I had a certain amount to make in order to get myself out of the negative. I came so very close to doing it by the end of lunch. Which is what I was hoping for. Then I could have done my grocery shopping in the afternoon and still had a good dinner shift to get just a tad ahead of myself. [Before tomorrow’s negative.] Still, that’s not what happened.

I made the most of it. I bounced along, following the rhythm of it all. As I said, I got close to my Goal. My last delivery took me up above New Geistopia. I couldn’t see myself driving all the way back just to do grocery shopping and driving back to the house. Also, I had to go to the bathroom.

I decided to stop at the house and do what I needed to do as well as empty the load I grabbed from Olde Geistopia this morning. I chilled out just a bit [even scratched my ticket. Obviously not a winner.] and then got my next fare. It would tip me over what I needed to make to cover my ass. It would also pay just in time to keep my bank from charging me a fee.

It was quick enough delivery – considering I started from the house. Then I sat and parked. I allowed myself to drift off a moment – recharge. Still nothing going on. Then my phone rang.

I have recently taken to helping out one of the Asian places when they need deliveries done. I’ve only done it twice before and I only deliver a couple of orders at a time. It helps them and I make a little money doing it. That’s who was on the other end of the phone. She had a delivery to be done. I figured it would kill some time and still make a little bit of money.

A little bit of money was exactly what I made. It was one delivery and very short. So, I made $6 from the restaurant. The customer didn’t tip anything. [No. I will not ever deliver to that house again.] So, I made $6 total. I’m not complaining. But, $6 in cash does me very little good. I contemplated using it for some lottery tickets tomorrow.

Anyway, I was on my way back to my parking spot – and just about there – when I decided I was done. I made what I needed to make. Now I just wanted to get my grocery shopping done and go home. [This is precisely why I wanted to be able to do it over the afternoon.]

I’m currently on this whole ‘Go with the Flow’ vibe. My Goal is to remain open and fluid – to not chase, but attract. Like Cuddlebug said, the right thing will just happen. It has happened by any efforts on my part. All of my plans thus far have been systematically shut down. [I do believe this is mostly temporary.]

But, it is also not going to happen if I insist on staying in a rut and a comfortable routine. This is why I started helping the Asian restaurant. It is also why I tried a different store today. I used to shop there, when I lived at Olde Geistopia. It significantly more expensive than Wally World. However, last night, I stumbled upon this week’s circular. As I thumbed through it I found things I needed or wanted this week. I decided to give it a try. A new experience. Perhaps better possibilities.

The verdict is…it’s still more expensive, even when I’m saving money. Now, to be fair, there was a bit of splurging [on necessary things] as well as a bit of extra [or excess.] I suppose it was some give and take.

I bought some refrigerated pastas that were on sale. I know the girls like them. They were BOGO. The Princesses and The Boyfriend can, easily, put a dent in two bags. Those two bags cost me a little less than half of what I would have spent on the bag meal we had planned. However, I also bought soda. They had my soda on sale – Buy 2 get 2 Free. This sounds great. Except that their soda is almost twice as much as what I pay at Wally World. I saved cents. CENTS!

But, I didn’t care. I still saved cents. I was going to buy 3 this week anyway because I know The Boyfriend drinks it. I also went a bit ‘heavy’ with candles. I am getting to the point when I need to re-up my candles. I have been putting it off for some time – shifting candle around as best I can; not burning some of them as often as I would like. The store had candles at a BOGO.

Again, this is a situation in which I wasn’t really going to save money. In fact, I may have spent more. For what I paid for both of these candles I could have gotten about 3 of my candles from Wally World. I struggled with this decision. I hemmed and hawed – kneeling there in the aisle. Placing my hand on a candle, then removing it.

I did this over and over for…I don’t know how long. Finally, with a sigh, I resolved to just get them. I was there. I figured I might as well go all in and see how it plays out. Now, after some thought, these candles are better quality. So if each one lasts me two weeks…then I may have saved a few bucks.

I also went out on a limb with a purchase. It was one of those little light switch lights that you can stick to a wall. I have been talking about getting one since I moved in. I actually need at least three – one for the pantry, one for my bedroom and one for the garden shed. I turned a corner and there was a clip strip full of them. SMACK! Right up in my face. Similar to the candles, I put my hand on it, then took it off. I picked it up and put it back. In the end, I actually returned to it. I decided that I could get at least one. I mean, it was right there. [Isn’t that the point of following the flow?] I figured that with one I might be able to [temporarily] kill wo birds with one stone.

The pantry is always dark and difficult to see. It is just situated in a small ‘hallway’ that doesn’t get a lot of light – natural or otherwise. My room has a ceiling fan light, but no switch for it on the wall. The two doors are right next to each other in the ‘hallway’. I figured that with proper placement I can light the pantry and also be able to let Just Enough light bleed into my room to see what I need to see without the big light.[The pantry has been tested and approved.]

Timing is Everything.

Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise & Perfectly Placed.

I was standing in one of the aisles at the store. Honestly, it may have been during the Great Candle Debate. Anyway, I was standing there when suddenly this girl – maybe 11 – rolls up to me on her sneakers and says, “You look familiar. Something to do with Elmer.”

Now, for those of you who may not know, Fellow Travelers, Elmer was pop’s stage name.

Again, being fair, it turns out she was the daughter of the daughter of the daughter…of one of dad’s avid fans. The first daughter [now the grandmother] really knew dad [as an entertainer.] She knew the circuit. The old circuit. The days of The Park and all. This is also how she knows mom. The second daughter [currently the mother] has a vague familiarity with dad.

Now both the mother and grandmother worked at this store at the same time I was working in the coffee house within the store. That’s how they know me. So, it wasn’t as completely random as it first seemed.

Still, if I had gone after lunch as I had planned, or at the end of dinner shift [as I re-planned] that moment wouldn’t have happened. I cannot tell you what exactly the moment was – dad reaching out and saying hi; validation for a recent creative thought; some other Divine Blessing or message. But, I can tell you that moment absolutely had to happen.

When I was done at The Store, I decided I might as well go all in and make my Dollar Store run. I needed just a very small list of things. I figured I would get them and just get it over with.

Then I returned to the homestead. I got all of my stuff put away and figured out. I got my daily administrative stuff done. Then I set to writing. It is getting late and I still have so much to do. Also, I do not know that I am tired. I mean I am, but I do not know that I could sleep. I had the same experience last night. Last night I gave in and went to bed. Tonight I might give in and stay up. [I’m feeling a particular kind of groove.]

Speaking of grooves, I want to expand slightly on something from this morning. I said I’ve been trippin’ pretty good. It has been a lot of déjà vu. But it has been a lot of other stuff as well. For instance, I have been feeling the road calling to me. That’s how the Whoodoo tour started. It was like someplace was calling to me. Of course, now, I am in no position to pick up and go like that. Though, I may not have to.

I’ve noticed lately that, while I am out delivering, the road feels like the roads of The Quest. Often it feels as though I am driving towards destiny. I know these roads all my life, but I find that more and more I am experiencing them as if they are new to me.

I am having similar experiences in my life in general. Like, I am still in The Valley. I am still so close to a life that once was, but it feels as though I am in a whole new and different life. No different than if I had moved completely out of the area. Every day is a new adventure.

My spirit is finally adjusting to the house. It is feeling like my space. That has awakened something deep within me. Something from long ago.

I am ‘seeing’ an active summer ahead that I cannot explain.

I am feeling abundant and empowered even though every week seems to move backwards.

1211

?”$500”?

Quick Devotion

0742

Cardinal

Tuesday, May 16, 2023; 0541

Jupiter in Taurus 1340

I feel good this morning. Not quite as geared up and gung-ho as yesterday but still pretty positive [and powerful.] I’m trying to get out of the house at 0700. I have most of my stuff together and ready so it is still feasible.

I have quite a bit of money to make today [before 1600.] It is possible. I’m not overly concerned about that. But, almost all of what I make today will go to the deficit, which still leaves me running behind a bit. The week has just begun and there are lots of bills coming due in a few days. It could be a challenging week.

It’s a weird place in which I find myself. Part of my ‘Go with the Flow’ attitude includes getting the things I need when I need them. I put stuff on hold in order to save the money each week. Every week it is the same, “I’ll get it next week.” Then next week comes and goes and I have put it off again. A good example of this is stuff to wash The Rocket. I can’t keep taking it to the car wash every week. That just seems like a waste of money when I have the capability of doing it at the house. Now, granted, I have not been going every week. [But I should.] I need carwash and a sponge and I should get a sprayer. [I wasn’t going to at first but I have a few other things that need to be sprayed down.]

I also want to pick up some spray primer to begin a project. However, I will most likely not be ready for it quite yet this week so I may wait.

Nonetheless, all of this nonsense in a week when I am financially struggled. I started with a fairly big deficit, plus The Princesses and The Boyfriend are coming this weekend, so I am trying to stock up on the food once more.

I still have my lottery ticket to scratch off. I may do that before I leave. I may wait a day or two. A winning ticket would def help at the moment. But, it is not critical to win today. I can manage today – scrape by as I usually do. I can survive tomorrow. So why rush off to do it? I will let it sit until it feels right.

I’ve been very trippy lately. A lot of Déjà vu. Also just a strong awareness and connection.

It’s just about time for my Morning Devotion. Last night, with my final Devotion, I slowed down a bit, visualized more. This needs to be a focus.

Also, water. I was on a kick of trying to actually drink water each day. I did OK for a while and somewhere in the last week I fell out of sync. This morning, I forced myself to drink a bottle as soon as I was out of bed.

Well, time is ticking away and I do have things to do – shower, pack, eat. Hopefully, today I will do better about taking quick notes as they happen.

2150

I am about ready to retire for the night. I feel good. Odd, but good. I’m just very mellow and chill. I feel accomplished and complete.

1820

This is kind of weird. I am doing this whole post backwards. So, the time above is actually on Monday. But I fear it may read like it is Tuesday.

Anyway…notes:

Heron

Hummingbird

The day flowed. I think that’s all I can say about it. It flowed. It wasn’t perfect, but it could have been worse. As usual, I had a 3-tier Goal. One tier covered my ass between today and tomorrow. The next tier was to buffer my way into Wednesday. The final tier was what my budget says I needed to make. I came in about half way between the first 2 tiers. I can live with that.

I’m home earlier than I would have thought, but it is Following the Flow that has brought me here.

I had a moment earlier. I stopped for tobacco and when I did I realized I had $2 cash in my wallet. I had a thought about playing the lottery. For as often as I play, I am a reluctant player. I didn’t have a problem with buying a ticket. I just wasn’t sure today was the day. But then, I probably wouldn’t be back in the week. [I only buy my tickets at the smoke shop. There are reasons.] Then I thought about how one of the astrological correspondences today was all about knowing what to do and when to do it. I decided to get one. With $2 I would normally get a numbers ticket. I wasn’t sure about this. I usually count these tickets as automatic money thrown away. [The most I’ve ever won has been $4.] But, I wasn’t sure about a $2 scratch off either. I put my money in and entered my numbers. The machine wouldn’t process the sale. This happened 3 times until I finally chose a scratch off. [I haven’t scratched it yet.]

As for the rest of the night, I am just going to live. Live as if I don’t have a care in the world. Live as if I am in control. Live as if I deserve to.

Monday, May 15, 2023;0636

Just a bit chilly this morning.

The Moon has moved into Aries and is sextile Pluto and square Venus. Mars is trine Neptune.

Feeling energized and ready to face the world. A little nervous about the week [financially.] Vehicle concerns [one more week to inspection]

I’m seeing today as a fresh start. I don’t know why. Nothing in particular has changed in my life. And if this were a start to replace the start of the year, I’m actually starting further behind than I was then. I am only slightly worried about this. I have no doubt I can straighten it out by the end of next week. It’s just a matter of being diligent and conscientious until then.

I am reeling from my time with The Princesses. It was all very good. Even Sunshine maintained a fairly pleasant and positive attitude the whole time. She still had a lot of her depressive energies but she was better.

I truly believe that Cuddlebug and I worked some kind of magick on Saturday.

Right this Moment, I am right on track to start my day and my week. I have work and a few minor errands/tasks today. I will notate anything of particular interest.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Cardinal - Renewed Vitality through Recognizing Self-Importance

They remind us that, regardless of the time of day or year, we always have the opportunity to renew our own vitality and recognize our own life roles. Whistles are often reminders to listen closely - to pay attention to what is blowing on the winds. Reflects that we should be listening to the inner voice (the feminine) more closely for our own health and well-being. Almost always reflects a need to assert the feminine aspects of creativity and intuition more strongly. Can reflect a need to b more careful about your diet, that what you are eating may be injurious to yourself and affecting your overall vitality. Reflects the rhythm of 12 that is going to become more predominant within your own life. Reflects lessons associated with responsibility and the recognition of the task at hand. May reflect past-life connections with the church, or even a reviving of more traditional religious beliefs, regardless of denomination. Remind us to add color to our lives, and remember that everything is of importance.

Fox - Feminine Magic of Camouflage, Shapeshifting and Invisibility.

New world opening up. The process of creation is beginning. Guide to enter the Faerie Realm. Unless a male can recognize the magic of the feminine - in himself or others - and learn to use it to Shapeshifting his own life, it will ultimately lead to destruction. The Kundalini, and the freeing of the creative life force. Practicing and using camouflage. Working to blend in with surroundings, to come and go unnoticed, moving silently about without revealing your intentions. Learning to control the aura. Adjust its frequency and intensity so that you harmonize more with others. Levels of energy and fertility. If the focus stays on the creative energies, any sharp turn in the individual’s life will be handled with ease. Fox people have the ability to insulate themselves from anything that may seem cold, especially in relationships. Can appear larger than they are - for personal protection or for making greater impressions. Establish a trotting pace. Ability to move into new directions. Call upon new resources instinctively. Excellent ability to hear what is not being said. The ability to hear spirit. Size people up accurately. Develop the ability to see spirit. Aromatherapy. Awakening of the Kundalini. Higher forms of discrimination and discernment. Capture any prize.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Heron - The Call of The Quest and Travels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.

Hummingbird – Tireless Joy and the Nectar of Life

Humming is an internal massage, restoring health and balance. Reminds us to find the joy in what we do and to sing it out. 300 species of hummingbird. Hebrew letter Shin has numerical value of 300 – associations with fire and relationships, the past and future. Moves its wings in a figure 8 pattern – infinity and links to past and future, the laws of cause and effect. How to use flowers for healing. If we truly enjoy what we are doing we become light as a feather and life is rich with nectar. Find the joy and sweetness in any situation. Grab joy while you can – as quickly as you can. Faerie Real. Getting enough sweetness? Savoring the sweet things of life? Fiercely independent. Freedom. Lays 2 eggs – number of the inner self, the feminine to which we must give birth and expression to find our own joy. Master Architects. Redecorate. Create joy in the home. Get regular deep sleep and rest. A symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible. Teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living from your own life circumstances.

Bee – Fertility and the Honey of Life

Symbols for accomplishing the impossible. Examine your own productivity. Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you taking the time to savor the honey of your endeavors or are you being a workaholic? Are you attempting to do too much? Are you keeping your desires in check so they can be more productive? Are you taking time to enjoy the labors and activities you involve yourself in? No matter how great the dream there is promise of fulfillment if we pursue it.

Eagle - Illumination of Spirit, Healing, and Creation.

Balance of being of the Earth, but not in it. The soul, the spirit, and warmth of life. The resurrection. Punishment and reward. Greater sight and perception. Reflects an awakening ability or the need to learn to walk between worlds. Heroic nobility and divine spirit. The rediscovery of the inner child. Alchemy. Involvement with creativity. A willingness to experience extremes in a controlled condition. A willingness to use your passions to purify and to use your abilities, even if you get scorched a little in the process. The need to stay connected to and use things of the Earth. Important to know when to speak, how much, how strongly. New vision will open. The ability to hear - spiritually and physically - may also increase. Cooperative responsibility. A healing role. Opportunities (even those thought long lost) will arise - learn to see and snatch them up. A new sense of timing and movement will begin to develop Primal force inherent and easily awakened. Take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. Events will now fly faster, repercussions for everything you think, do and say (or fail to) - positive and negative - will be both stronger and quicker. A powerful new dimension to life and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. Touch all of life with healing and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative forces within the world.

Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places

A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind.

Gorilla [sunsigns.org]– The Gorilla animal totem may enter our lives with the purpose of signaling us to hold our heads high and recognize our own noble qualities. This is likely to be after someone has put us down or hindered our spirits. Rather than being meant as prideful or boastful, the gorilla spirit guide’s message is meant to exude a quiet and humble honesty and dignity that makes a much more deep and profound statement. Gorillas are quite regal in their behavior and temperament, and we’d do well to mimic some of that in our lives. The gorilla is a natural leader that does not need to be aggressive or loudly domineering. Instead, the gorilla manages its family and other members of the troop with understanding, love, and continence. Harshness is seldom necessary, reminding us that tyrannical dictators will never win respect. Graciousness, honesty, and charm are what win and keep loyal followers – in our case, these are our family, friends, and colleagues. In many situations, a gorilla confirms that we are proceeding through our lives in a solid and steady way. They help us find our inner strength so that we can handle our duties and responsibilities effectively. Those who can relate most to gorillas can command groups with ease through using their strength of will and decisiveness. You must be able to rally the community to support your cause and display confidence that you can accomplish anything.

Groundhog – Mystery of Death without Dying – Trance - Dreams

The ability to get deep within an area of interest. A time when a new area of study is going to open up. Two years to come to full fruition. Important to give definite signals to the boundaries you wish to have respected in your life. Death without Dying. A time of initiation. A symbol of opening fully to the Dreamtime. Increasing ability to develop lucid dreaming. Clarity and power of altered states will be amplified. Dreams will become more significant. Opportunity to explore deeper states of consciousness. Lessons associated with death and dying. Revelations about its process. Knowledge of metabolic control.

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dark of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy.

Rose - (Encyclopedia of Magickal Herbs)

Love, Psychic Powers, Healing, Love Divination, Luck, Protection