S10EP4:It's in the Stars

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John & Sister Jen

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, January 22, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Equalizing

Theme – Excess & Imbalance

Maybe a month ago, Cuddlebug commented that she noticed I go and I go and I go and when I do take a day It turns into longer. I work excessively which creates an imbalance. The imbalance is corrected then by excessive down time. I’ve been aware of the pattern. I just haven’t known what to do about it. I am going to search the Imbalances of my life for any Excessive tendencies attached to them.

Lesson – No More Eventually

We can put so many things off for so many reasons. The time isn’t right or the cost or it isn’t a necessity. We always say we’ll do it, get to it, buy it…eventually. If we are not careful, ‘eventually’ can become a very long time. This is what I have been experiencing this week. So many things that I have put off until eventually. This week eventually came. In the process I realized putting things off is almost pointless. [Idk if pointless is the word.] It just overcomplicates things. So, now I am trying to at least work at things little by little. Just get things done, even if it’s slowly. No More Eventually.

Observation – Tis Better to Give Than to Receive

We all know the phrase. Generally, it is associated with gifting. But, it came to me this week in regards to interaction with others. The thought started with things like helping others. But then it turned more energetic. More often than not, when we interact with others, we are taking energy from them. It’s not on purpose. But, it does take a particular mindset to reverse the polarity and be giving energy. I noticed when I am in that mindset and giving instead of receiving my energy actually increases.

The Post

Monday, May 22, 2023; 0907

So here I am, into my second week of the journaling experiment. I didn’t get a chance to write before I left the house this morning. So, I am jotting quickly as I wait at The Mechanic’s. I woke later than I wanted to and yet right on time. If I had that extra hour I wouldn’t have had to leave the house in shambles this morning – dishes in the sink, bed unmade, etc.

My devotions/rituals were fairly rushed and cloudy headed. I had pretty much just gotten out of bed.

I feel good – energized, positive, empowered.

I am going to have a rough start to my week. It shouldn’t be dire just challenging. Hopefully by Thursday or Friday I have things at least balanced enough. I am still going to start next week behind but if I can maintain and manage through this week I should be ok in the long run.

I slept good. I slept very good.

1906

Wow. What a day.

I did capture the correspondences for today. I just wasn’t able to jot them down where I was writing before:

Waxing Crescent Moon in Cancer

quincunx Pluto 1200

sextile Jupiter 0154

Mercury 1537

trine Saturn 1224

Sun sextile Mars 0157

So…my day.

Let’s start with finances.

It was a rough and slow day. I’m not really sure what the problem was. For a moment, it looked like it was going to be good and I was going to reach my Goal. I did not reach my goal. In fact, I came in way under a comfortable margin. But…It is What it is What it is.

I did my part. I showed up. I left both apps on and open the entire time I was out today – from when I left The Mechanic’s until I was actually on my way home. I left them on even when I stopped at The Cave at Olde Geistopia to grab things. In the 30 minutes I was there I did not receive or miss one single offer.

I had already mentally prepared for this. At some point in the day I started calculating possibilities and determining what I would be comfortable with if I didn’t make my Goal. Again, I came in quite a bit less than that. This makes me a bit squirmy, but it is not the end of the world either. It just makes the challenge a little more…challenging.

Onward, ho!

Despite the fact that it was slow, I wasn’t able to make notes the way I would have liked. Part of this was focus and effort. There were times and ways I could have jotted something down if I had just thought differently.

For instance, at some point in my travels today, a hawk swooped down and crossed over the road in front of me. I can’t tell you when it happened. It may have been on my way to The Mechanic. It may have been afterwards as I did my first job or two. I really do think it was before though. But, I was driving and I didn’t know how to make note of it. I thought a mental note would suffice.

WALT: Why would you ever think that??

I have no idea. I can remember kind of nodding about it. I had been thinking on things. I believe it may have been finances or future. Though I can’t say for certain. Then, suddenly, swooped the hawk. I knew I couldn’t write it down in the moment. So, I thought “hawk and [whatever I was thinking about]” and nodded in acknowledgment. I figured I’d jot it down when I got the chance.

I did not. [But this is why it is important to make the attempt.]

Other Totems from the day:

Cardinal made a [literal] big appearance

Groundhog

[maybe] Spider

Anyway, The Mechanic was a fabulous experience. I went in for a sort of pre-inspection. I wanted to know what I was in for before it was the deadline. [My inspection is good until the end of June.] I expected brakes would be needed – if not for inspection, then soon. I expected problems with the catalytic converter. Plus, I know I have the wheel bearing issue.

I did some investigating into cost. I went to the office guy and asked him for ball park figures. It was as bad as I had figured. All in all, if it all had to get done, it was going to cost me about $2000. I had no clue how I was going to make this work, but I also knew I had a little over a month to figure it out. I even scheduled my actual inspection for the last possible day.

Then the report came.

The brakes are good. In fact, he thinks I won’t need any all summer.

The wheel bearing passes. I just need to remain aware. [It still needs to get done at some point - $500]

As for the Cat issues – the codes have been reset and the light is off. If it does not come on after a certain amount of driving [which I may have exceeded today] then they can push it through.

Basically, my inspection is costing me nothing more than the inspection and emissions…and some 3rd brake lights.

I cannot tell you how many times I said, “AMEN,” this morning. Over and over again. I was just so relieved and grateful. I was concerned about how I was going to make all this work if it came to that. Now, I do not have to worry about it.

During my first few slow periods I did nap. I slept good last night but I did not sleep long. Plus, I expelled a great deal of many energies last night. I’m not even sure what happened. I turned the camera on to work on something and then it was 2 hours later and I was going to bed. [And I did not actually do what I had set out to do. It was a completely different shoot and entirely ‘as I went along.’]

So I did nap. I did leave the speaker on or the car running each time. That way I could hear offers when they came, but at least I could rest my head while I waited. Each time I was woken by an offer.

After I felt rested, I tried to be more productive in my down time. I did not accomplish as much as I would have liked but I did get some stuff done. Then when it slowed down again, I made my Cave run. The Workshop is what is stalling me now. Everything else is workable, even if bit by bit. But, in order to work on projects I need my tools. With my tools, I must get my cabinets so I can store them. So, I wanted to get moving on that.

Now I am home and I do not quite know what the night holds in store for me. I have to unload the car and unpack my day. Beyond that I have a list of tasks and projects. I do know that I am going to be moving slowly. Every so often, the reality sets in that this truly is my home. When that happens I feel the need to slow down and appreciate it, be fully aware of it. Tonight is one of those times.

Tuesday, May 22, 2023; 0647

I am running a little behind this morning. But only a little. I ‘snoozed’ and extra time or two this morning. I also had a lot of dishes to do. On top of it, I have just been moving slow. It’s not a lack of motivation slow. It’s more of an appreciation slow.

Overall, I feel good. Needless to say, I still have my inevitable, and seemingly eternal, financial stresses. But, again, I can’t let it bother me and weigh me down. It is What it is What it is and all I can do is show up and give it my best.

Sunny and cool this morning but I am certain it will warm up quickly.

My morning whatnots were a little more rushed than I would have liked but also had a little more focus than I have been giving them for some time now.

I find myself with my usual daily quandary. I have to make more money than I can. I really needed yesterday to be better than it was. But, all things considered, I did the best that I could. So, I already knew that I was going to be dragging some deficit into tomorrow. I was really hoping to avoid that. Nonetheless, I wonder how I will spend my day.

I am going to get out on the road at the latest that I find acceptable [by 0800.] I will probably stay ‘on the clock’ all the way through the end of lunch. But, what then?

I do need to start moving this stuff from The Cave at Olde Geistopia up to The Workshop. I also need to get some mowing and weeding done. So, how do I spend my afternoon? Do I stay on the clock and try to make the money? That’s what I did yesterday and I made a little bit but I don’t know that it was worth all of the idle sitting.

Do I run to The Cave and dismantle some stuff and bring it to the house? It’s not critical though it could be considered urgent. My life goes on without it however there are a host of projects that are stalled without it, including and most importantly, getting The Workshop set up and ready for working.

Or, do I just come back to the house and do some of the yard work? It is getting ahead of me and there is plenty of extra work to do even when the routine maintenance is complete.

Perhaps, I can do a bit of both. Grab some stuff from The Cave, bring it to the house and use whatever break time is left to work on the yard.

On the up side of my struggles, I am fairly certain I can get through the week without going for groceries. If I don’t go for groceries I won’t go for household things. Between the two, that would be about $120 cut off my budget. [I don’t always spend that much but I do budget it.] The only concern in doing that is that I will then need extra early in the week next week and I am still going to be carrying a deficit at the beginning of next week.

I think that is all I’ve got for now.

1352

This has been a very poor day so far. I haven’t looked at how much [or how little] I have made today. I probably won’t either. I only know that in my first three hours out, I only received 3 offers. Since then, there have been offers but they have been minimal – both in frequency and in pay.

Now, to be fair, I did get out 15 minutes later than I had wanted, but I also distracted myself for about 15 minutes. I also decided to throw laundry in, just in case I did get home this afternoon. I won’t be getting home.

I need to stay out on the road. If I go home I won’t be available to take offers. So, I just need to stay out and on the clock and make myself available. I will just have to find ways to remain engaged and productive as I sit here. I will also have to be more open to some of the offers I would not take under normal circumstances.

This is a fine line. They are still the aggregation they would be My ‘desperation’ does not change that at all. Many of them still will not be actually worth the effort and gas. However, something is better than nothing. Perhaps it will be as an adventure waiting to happen.

I wanted to write earlier but it was too early. [Like I said, I basically sat for three hours first thing this morning.] Just as I had reached enough thoughts to make writing a worthwhile venture, it started to get busy. Now lunch has come and gone…and so have all of those thoughts. I’m certain they will cycle back around at some point. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon…

WALT: …and for the rest of your life.

Alright. Anyway, This was step one in being productive. Next, I have some video things to look at and sort through, After that I am just not sure.

Since I am not doing any extra running or tasking this afternoon I will see how my dinner goes and if it leaves me in a position to stop at The Cave and grab a cabinet or two. The lawn stuff will just have to wait until later in the week.

I probably will not look at any of my finances again until Thursday morning. That’s when I will truly know how things turned out. The expenses are set – what is processed and coming out in the next two days is what is. I cannot detract from them, nor will I add to them. The income is going to happen in its own way. I can do nothing to influence it except be available as much as I can.

1949

I think I cut and pasted that correctly. Apparently, earlier when I was making an entry, I put it under Monday instead of today.

Anyway…and just like that it got busy. I was busier over the afternoon than I was through lunch. I rode it through until about 1800. There were many factors involved in that choice. First, I was getting hungry. Second, my gas tank is about as low as I’d like to see it. I didn’t want to get gas today because then it will deduct from my account on Thursday. If I don’t get it until tomorrow morning then it won’t deduct until Friday. [I’m not sure how much that will help matters, but any little bit, I suppose.] Third, there had been whispers about it soon being time to call it a day. And, finally, I took an offer that was bringing me within 6 minutes of The Homestead.

I did the math.

This has definitely been a challenging couple of weeks so far. Nothing is quite grooving and gelling the way I had planned and hoped. Still, so far, I have been keeping the situation under control. That could all change tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the bills that I have been stalling, start to deduct. A big chunk tomorrow. [Perhaps bigger than what I will have to cover.] Then a nice lil chunk on Thursday. Then, on Friday, another nice sized Ka-Ching.

On the upside, I will have an extended weekend to try to balance things out. Monday is a bank holiday. But, this still leaves me with the potential of carrying another deficit into next week.

Tomorrow is a tricky day. I want to start as early as I can get myself out. [0700 at the latest, I hope.] However, I also want to get to The Mechanic by 0930 so that they can do whatever they need to do to complete this inspection. The warning light has yet to come back on.

I’m feeling almost stunned at my inspection. This has been a nice change. First – I can’t remember the last time I had inspection done that there wasn’t some work that needed to be completed. Second – for two years I have been in a constant cycle of repair work and bill paying. I haven’t been able to go to The Mechanic without learning of some new major thing that needed to be replaced.

I will take the blessing and in and around my shock I will be grateful for it.

Before I forget again, I missed something when I was writing about my morning. I knew I was missing it. I just didn’t know what ‘it’ was.

I stopped to smell the roses. Kind of. I stopped to clip some from the bush by the back yard. It is blooming nicely and I thought I would collect a few to put in the glass vase on the kitchen table. It was just a random thing that happened while I was loading the car.

Anyway, I got home and got The Rocket unloaded. I flipped over the wash to the dryer and started another load of wash. I put dishes away, took the trash out for collection, brought in the mail, and had dinner. I also worked a few other little things like continuing to clean up from whatever Sunday night was. I also got my little light mounted on the hallway wall. [It has been falling off once a day.]

I must finish all the laundry tonight. I should get the dishes done. I should also prep as much as I can for my day tomorrow. Like I said it is tricky. Not only do I have to manage my morning but tomorrow night Cuddlebug has an award ceremony at school. So, my day must end by about 1730.

It is always something. I don’t mind. It is life. But all of these somethings that go on seem to always leave me in a bind. Sunday night, Sunshine has a parade for marching band. So, again, I must end my day before dinner rush barely begins.

On both days, to compensate, I want to start as early as possible and I will plan and prepare for working through the afternoons.

Fox made a couple of appearances today…and not the good kind. Both times it was as roadkill. This would be Fox Medicine reversed.

The past several days I have really been ‘feeling’ the house. I feel like I am becoming more connected to it. I’m feeling more comfortable and more at peace. Despite my seemingly never-ending list of projects, I do think it is coming together nicely. Slowly – piece by piece.

As for my current finance situation I am just going to take each day as it comes. All I can do is keep showing up. So that is what I will do until either the situation corrects itself or it gets so bad that it breaks me completely. [The same thing I have said at least once before.]

I am playing The Fool. I accept that. It is who I am. I have Faith that things will work out just as they need to and perfectly on time. One might wonder how I can so readily take this stance. How many times in the past have I been burned? [Countless, really.]

But, for as many times as I have been burned [things didn’t work out the way I wanted or thought I needed] I have also been surprisingly blessed [random and amazing things happening suddenly.]

Anything can Happen.

Nothing is as it Seems.

“Do you believe it can be done?”

Wednesday, May 24, 2023; 0551

If I hurry, I can make my 0700 deadline. I snoozed for an hour this morning. Oops.

I don’t really have a lot to say this morning. I’m feeling pretty good. I’m a little anxious, but I think that is because I just want to get out and do this day. These next three days are going to be a little rough. It is going to be a constant starting the morning in the negative and hoping I can balance it before the end of the business day. Then I still have $589 worth of bills to pay over the weekend.

Like I said, I am going to start next week in the negative as well. I am really hoping I can balance it next week. It can’t continue on like this before it starts to hurt me. Right now I am keeping the hurt at bay. Today will be the first step in determining how I am doing with keeping it away.

I broke down this morning and looked at my finances. This was only because the first thing I saw on my phone this morning was the notification for the daily email from my bank telling me my balance. So, right as I woke up I knew what my negative was. What I didn’t know was how much of that negative I already have covered.

I have just a little bit more than I had thought and quite a bit less than I had hoped. Nonetheless, the grand total for today is not impossible. Not on a normal Wednesday. But these days have been so slow this week. If I have another one of those there is no way I will do it.

It’s just about 0600. I’m going to do my morning whatnots and then enter the correspondences for today. Then I am off to get ready and face the day.

OK. Still a little rushed on the whatnots. However, visualizations were clearer today than they have been for some time. Third Eye started to tingle/burn during the rituals.

First Quarter Moon v/c 0512

in Leo 1035

trine Neptune 0512

opposition Pluto 1104

square Jupiter 1413

conjunct Mars 1521

sextile Sun 1731

0810

Well, the darned light came on in The Rocket. I friggin’ knew that was going to happen. Back to the drawing board.

I feel very empowered today. It just feels like everything is right and OK. I feel it deep within me.

Having angelic visions.

“3 days” [who knows. We’ll see]

Rabbit

0947

Lots more notes, but…Dreamtime – 773 (733?)

1224

Once again, the day seems slower than I am comfortable with. This could be the time. Maybe instead of balancing out in the next week or so I am going to crash and burn. And with that, work calls once more…

(Chill vibes. Casual – like just another day at work – no different than factory, restaurant, office. Starting my summer ‘vacation.’ Quest mind.)

1242

Flamingo (x3)/Owl

(Thinking about summer/beach. Flamingo – Beach thoughts – Owl/flamingo)

Thursday, May 25, 2023; 0541

I’m moving a bit slow this morning. It’s not a ‘problem’ thing. I feel good – on all 4 bodies – I just feel like not rushing or pushing. [Correction: I’m feeling something in my legs. They’re not sore or hurting or tense. It’s more like they are just tired. I suppose from a whole day of sitting.]

It’s cool this morning. Clear skies.

Shavuot begins at sundown.

Moon quincunx Saturn 1209

square Mercury 0611

OK. Now on to the writing.

Yesterday was an intense day. I don’t even know what happened. I only know that I am feeling it today. I’m not going back to try to elaborate on my quick notes from yesterday. I am hoping the keywords will trigger whatever necessary thoughts when the time comes.

My big thing of the day yesterday was finances. No big surprise there. I started the day negative. It was just significant enough to be a potential problem. I had to make it all [plus my withdrawal fee] before the bank processed the day in order to avoid overdraft fees. However, Cuddlebug had an awards ceremony last night. So, my time was limited.

At first, it looked like the day might go well. The beginning of my shift was strong. Then it slowed down a great deal. Lately I am finding that normally busy times, like lunch, are slower. I think there is a wave of new drivers. Afternoons have been a bit steadier.

Anyway, by midday, it was starting to look like I might not make it. Then, it started getting close – I may or I may not.

The challenge, like I said, was getting it done before the bank processed the day. Now, once before – maybe a year ago – when I was depositing cash to cover a deficit – I had asked till what time did I have to make the deposit. I have always tried to go as soon as the bank opens for the day. Unfortunately, it is 30 minutes away and that can be an inconvenient time. So I was curious. I was told that I have until 1700.

Yesterday, as I was driving around and time was ticking to a close, I thought of this day a few months ago when I had made a deposit from my apps but it didn’t quite cover the whole deficit - $10 or so. I wasn’t sure if it would get a fee for that. I looked after 1700 and there was nothing. However, the next morning, there was a fee attached.

So, I started wondering if, maybe, the business day doesn’t actually end until 1900 – which is when the branches close. I decided I would test it, press my luck sort of. I figured, if I made my deposit [by 1700] and it didn’t cover the deficit, I was getting a fee. That was guaranteed. But, if I waited until I had it all and deposited it later, I may avoid the fee. And, if I didn’t avoid it, I was no worse off than I would have been in the first place.

I avoided the fee. So, I learned something yesterday. It was something that has relieved a great deal of stress. Trying to make the money by that early cut-off has been very challenging. Now I know I can actually use some of dinner shift to cover myself. [It would have been nice to know that sooner. The number of times that would have made a difference for me…oh well. We live and we learn.]

I made what I needed to make [And Then Some (just a little ‘some’ though),] made my deposit and had plenty of time to head down to the ceremony. In fact, I had time to just sit and chill before I had to go into the school.

The ceremony was nice, but very [very, very, very] long. Even Cuddlebug was making a beeline for the door when it was done. A fun little story from the ceremony. So, Cuddlebug was sitting in the front row across the stage. Big ‘D’, Boom-Dee-Aye and I were at the end of the second row from the stage. We could all see each other. Anyway, at one point, the acting Superintendent gets up there to make some presentation.

She is a woman, I’m placing in her 60’s. [She might be a ‘rough’ late 50’s.] But she is a damn fine 60’s. She is a good looking woman with a hard body. So, I texted Cuddle bug with, “Dr. [so and so] is a hottie,” with the little devil emoji. I figured she would get the text after the ceremony. I look back up and Cuddlebug is stifling a laugh. I completely forgot that she has an Apple watch and so she received the message right away – as the good doctor was still on stage and giving her presentation [10 feet from Cuddlebug.]

Anyway, I made it home and went straight to bed. I had had enough for the day.

Now we are in a new day.

I did not incur a fee. Score! I am starting negative. I knew that coming in. It’s not unmanageable and it’s better than I had thought. Right this Moment, the day seems to be gearing up to be a late start. [Around lunch.] I’m OK with that. I have a few things I just want to tweak before my day starts. I’ll have 7 hours to make what I need to cover the deficit. That’s easy enough. More is always nice, but I one issue at a time. [More will be made.]

One of my many wandering thoughts yesterday was about Summer. There has been this whole vibe of a good summer. I wouldn’t know how to describe it beyond that at this point. The vibe has been getting stronger. Now, it could just be the fact that it is summer and I always enjoy this time of year. My whole mood and personality shifts drastically. Nonetheless, there is a vibe.

There is a vibe, but I haven’t been seeing anything in my life itself that indicates any validity of the vibe. Then, yesterday, I began to wonder – what if by ‘summer’ Spirit means ‘Summer’ like everyone else acknowledges it. For me, summer has begun. It starts on May 1 with midsummer being approximately June 21. This is the time when the calendar and the rest of my corner of the world see as the beginning of the Season of Summer. [Though some could argue that the Summer Season begins with this weekend.]

Nonetheless, Midsummer was one of my next Markers. So, perhaps, for a change, ‘summer’ means everyone else’s ‘summer.’

One of my other lingering mind quandaries has been this:

We are all familiar with the phrase, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I feel like I am stuck in a Cycle of doing the same thing over and over again…always hoping to fix or balance the situation. The thing is – I don’t seem to have a choice but to keep doing the same thing over and over. Any attempt I have made to shift things or find alternatives – to change things up – have been thwarted by some tough-love kind of entity in The Universe.

So, I keep trying to work with what I’ve got, because it’s all I’ve got. The only change I can see at the moment is that I just need to try harder. I need to adjust my driving – different hours, different fares. I need to be more open and willing. This won’t make a huge difference but it will shift things just slightly.

I need to really be aware of how much I am spending and when [and on what.] This is a fine line. As I recently learned, I cannot cut myself off completely. If I need something to get a job done then I need to make sure I get it. Such as the car wash stuff. But, I cannot get to far ahead of myself either.

For example, we have this garden project. We want to paint tires to use as planters. This is going to require some primer and paints [different kinds and colors,] and I probably will not be happy unless I put some sort of a sealcoat on them. That is a lot of spray cans and a decent investment. But, I don’t need it all at one time. I don’t need it all to start.

What I need to start is the primer. Nothing else can get done until the primer coat is complete. Now, I’m thinking it will take about 2 cans of primer to do everything properly. [or to my standard anyway.] It may even push into three. However, I do not need to buy 3, or even 2, to start. I only need one. I can always grab a second one when it is needed.

But, I do not even need that yet. Which is why I have been putting off the purchase. I do not want to paint anything until I have had a chance to at least hose down [wash off] the tires. I have not had that opportunity. So there is no need to make the purchase.

This is a thing with me. Somewhat hereditary, I believe. When I get into something – a hobby, a project – I am prone to rushing out and getting all sorts of materials and supplies, most of which end up never getting used. It’s an excess thing. A ‘just in case’ thing. There is nothing wrong with this approach in general, but for me it is an excess thing. It is a ‘distraction’ of sorts. [In as much as it ‘distracts my finances’ from other things.] So, for me, it must be tempered. [Like the ego – it has use but only when used properly.]

My indicator light did come back on in The Rocket yesterday. It happened between leaving The Homestead and filling my tank at the station up the road [so close we can walk to it.] This is not a critical thing. It just puts us back to square one. It also buys me some time. I have until June 30 to resolve the issue and I am already in the books for that. All I need to do is pop in and chat with the head mechanic and see what the options are at this point.

This also buys me time to deal with the financial end of it. Worse case scenario, the work is done on June 30 and I begin making weekly payments. This is good for me. As long as it starts after June.

In June, Cuddlebug wants to host a birthday party here and I am not so sure how I am going to afford it at this point.

But that is then and this is now. Then will not matter if a cannot master now.

I think I have purged my brain for the day.

I am going to make myself some breakfast this morning. If I am going to take the time to move slow and do things, one of those things might as well be eating decently in the morning for a change.

My lunch is ready but not yet packed. I went a little heavy on food prep yesterday because I knew I wouldn’t be home in the afternoon to eat and I was going to miss my chance at dinner with the Awards Ceremony. However, I didn’t really eat all that much. So, I have plenty of leftover for today.

I have a very small load of laundry in the dryer.

That is my morning plan – along with a shower and a shave. I will get out on the road when I get out. No later than lunchtime.

[Missed thought from earlier: Yesterday was Just Enough to re-instill my Faith that I can balance this current situation.]

0855

I just wanted to check in before I really head off into my day. I still want to make breakfast and clean up. I also have to get a shower and pack/load for the day. I am right on track to get out in my timeframe as long as I remain diligent.

The other part of ‘trying harder’ is all about time management. I feel like I need to start finding times to do stupid little thing – fragments of projects. For instance, the other night I moved stuff from the office into the bedroom closet. It is all stuff for burning, etc. and I just learned that I cannot currently burn DVDs. So, it is no longer needed in reach.

I moved it to the top back corner of the bedroom closet – out of the way yet easily accessible if needed. As long as I was in the closet, I rearranged for the warmer weather. I also started working the book shelves in the bedroom.

This is all stuff I have been meaning to get to, but I have been waiting for a ‘better time.’ I didn’t complete any of these projects. There are still things to do. But, I at least got them started – nudged in the right direction. I also took a moment to hang the light in the hallway. I tried just sticking it to the wall but it kept falling. Now it is secure.

I did the same thing this morning – laundry, dishes away, etc. I even had time to discover that there may be an issue with my toaster. It felt warm. I hadn’t cooked anything. Fortunately, I have a back up.

So, now I need to get to my day. Ant came as a Totem. It came at a time when I was just sitting for a bit and gaming – taking some down time for myself. The Ant was my cue to get moving.

2056

I have had quite the day. It was not the day I planned, nor the day for which I had hoped – the day I thought I needed. But, it was an acceptable day.

I was out on the road just in time. In fact, I took my very first offer right at 1100. I think this is a little late to start any day. But it was what it was and now I know. I have a lot of ‘now I know’s from today. We’ll get to them, I’m sure.

Anyway, I worked lunch and when it slowed down Just Enough I snuck off to Olde Geistopia to prep cabinets and such for moving tonight. I did leave the phone on and near me, trying to get work if it was there to be had. I missed some offers and I’m not sure how exactly that happened. So, I will have to be more aware next time.

I prepped everything and got back on the road. I worked through dinner until it was the cut off time for making deposits. At that point, I figured, It is What it is and I can pick it up again tomorrow.

Now, I didn’t quite make my Goal. I was 81 cents short. It’s my own fault, but we live & Learn. It’s a, “now I know.” I was delivering what would be my last Grubhub order. [I didn’t know that at the time.] I got an offer through Uber for 2 deliveries totaling not quite $12. I jumped on it. Then I thought better about it. [Or, did I?]

I suddenly wondered what time it was. The deposit cut-off today was 2100. I looked at the clock and it was a little bit after 1800. It takes an hour to get the full fare [the tip portion] from Uber. I thought, “well, that’s not going to work.” I cancelled the fare.

After I delivered the order I was on, my head was a bit clearer and I saw it differently. I realized that I still would have received a portion of that fare and that portion would have been more than enough to cover the 81 cents. I missed my opportunity. I am just so use to trying to do the deposits by 1600-1630. In the past, I have found that at that time of day, I have to be aware of when I receive the full fare. Old Habits Die Hard.

Now I know. I just need to be a little bit more aware of all the circumstances when I adjust the system. The moment will lead to me knowing more things as well.

There are still 2 questions on the board in regards to my deposits and overdraft fees. The first is, when does the overdraft fee process? For the longest time, I was under the impression that it was at 1700. That was tested yesterday. Yesterday, I didn’t make the deposit until after 1800. Tonight it was just slightly later. After the deposit, I was left with that 81 cent deficit. As of 2000, there was still no fee.

If I wake in the morning to a fee being processed, I will know it happens in the morning. I will also know that they will charge me $32 for an $.81 deficit. If there is no fee, then I will know that they will not always charge the fee for such a small amount, but I will not know when the fee processes.

Anyway, I cut my night and returned to Olde Geistopia for the cabinets.

I got back to New Geistopia and unloaded the cabinets first. One is almost completely in place. I have two more cabinets and a table to go. I actually have three cabinets but at this point I am not certain if the third will actually fit in The Rocket. I do not think it will. It is also not critical at the moment.

I decided that, while I was outside, I needed to pull the weed from the beds along the house/driveway. This has been one of those, “I’ll get to it eventually,” projects. Tonight was eventually. It just wasn’t happening and the weeds had grown way too large. Tonight I could no withstand looking at them.

While I was in the garden shed getting myself together, pulling those weeds became clipping the big poison ivy vine growing up the back of the garage so it dies. That turned into pulling down the the piece growing up the front of the shed, which I clipped the other day. That turned into clipping the remaining little piece of that vine and pulling out some other weeds and such from the area.

Once all of that was done, I unloaded The Rocket and moved myself into the house. It was very warm and stuffy, even with the two front windows open. I decided I wanted to open more windows and turn on the ceiling fans. The problem is, those front windows are the only two windows I can open without a problem. The front windows in my bedroom will open but they don’t stay up without a prop. I actually want to cut three different lengths for each window so I can open them to varying widths. However, that task requires my workshop in place. In the meantime, I just ran out and grabbed some pieces of wood.

I brought in enough extra that I could prop open a window in the Spirit Room. Then I turned on the fans.

The chain on the fan in the living room was working hard. So, I took the globe down to investigate. I fixed that problem and while the globe was down I cleaned it good. After that, I unpacked and cleaned up my day. I put dishes away. I even managed to get my Evening Devotion in.

After all of that was done, I managed to get most of my administrative work done. I am a few days behind in most of it because I was very purposely not looking at my finances. So, now I need to get caught up. I finished half and will probably do the other half after I finish writing.

Forgotten side notes – the weeding produced a few clippings of a flowery weed which I added to the rose vase. Also, when I unpacked my lunch cooler, I realized that I only ate half a sandwich and one Tastycake all day. I didn’t get hungry all day. I am only vaguely hungry now. This is a good thing. Not being hungry means I am doing something right. [Next we eliminate tiredness.] This also means that I pretty much have my lunch for tomorrow packed up.

There is a point to sharing all of this. This is a demonstration of that about which I wrote this morning. I need to try to harder. I need to find those moments and take advantage of them. It is an example of how I function when I am functioning. I do one main project at a time. Along the way, any number of minor projects get completed or tweaked. It is how I work best.

Anyway, I am far from done. I have notes here. I had lots of meditative thoughts this morning after I wrote. I also came up with this week’s Trinity. I only have key phrases written down again so I will do my best to elaborate. These are thoughts that I am calling, ‘Shower Thoughts’ because that is where I was when they came to me.

It’s Bigger Than You. Okay. This one came right after the shower. Nonetheless, Life is bigger than you or me, Fellow Travelers. Life is bigger than each of our personal thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs, desires…problems. For everything you have going on in your life, everyone else has something of their own. I think this is important to remember when dealing with people, in particularly the people who aggravate us.

But also, each of us is but a miniscule fragment of The Grand Design. Our lives do not unfold merely for own selves but for everyone they touch.

Learning to Live Again. In my notes, I have written – [Again] because I do not know that I ever truly learned to live before. I have never truly been able to know myself, grow, live. I have always had some sort of restrictions or constraints. I have always known only bits and pieces of the whole of my life at any one given time.

In the past [almost] 5 months [5 – the number of coming into being] I have shifted my routines and tweaked my systems. I have slowly become comfortable with The Homestead and allowing myself to just be me when I am here.

I am learning to live the best me I can be.

Being in Control. Not in Control at all. I have been stressing and freaking out for months because I am trying so desperately to get a grasp on and be in control of my life and its circumstances – not just financially, but across the board.

I have planned and schemed and mapped an plotted. All to no avail. I have never been in control of the situation. Still, I have managed. No matter what else I may think or feel about it all, no matter how we break it down and analyze it, the simple fact of the matter is that for [almost] 5 months I have somehow managed it.

I’ve been doing it. I’ve been paying my rent and my bills. I have been building a home. I have been taking care of business. I need to stop trying to control and just follow the flow of things. It’s worked so far. It hasn’t worked the way I have wanted but it has worked. I know because here I still am.

Friday, May 26, 2023; 0539

Well, at least I’m on a pattern/schedule.

I don’t think I have much to say this morning. I think I’m out of thoughts for the moment. Nonetheless, here’s the what to know:

Slept good. Feel rested. I did accidentally turn off the alarm instead of a snooze, so I am a little behind myself.

I feel pretty good. Like I said, rested. I feel aware and alert. Kind of ready to take on the day. Body seems to be alright – no soreness or stiffness. Mind is clear. Calm.

Moon v/c 0238

enters Scorpio 2305

square Uranus 0238

quincunx Neptune 1745

quincunx Pluto 2331

Venus sextile Uranus 0337

It seems slightly cool for the season these days. Clear skies.

So, something I can write about is the fee. They did not charge a fee. So, there is a threshold. How much of one I do not really know. As for finances, I could be in way over my head at this point. Only time will tell and that time is not until Tuesday night. So, I am not going to write about finances anymore until then. In fact, I am not even going to think about finances until maybe Tuesday morning. At this point, all I can do is just put as much effort in as I can for the next several days. The holiday makes me a little uneasy.

The other thing I can write about this morning is Sunshine. She is experiencing extremely high blood pressure. They were at Urgent care last night and it was recommended that they make an appointment with a cardiologist. This is on top of [me just learning] she has very low iron.

I worry about my daughters. It bothers me that they are both having such serious health problems right now.

That is all. I must get these next 5 days. At this point, I am only going to note take and only as something seems significant. Then I will do a summary of where I am at on Sunday.

0942

Strange morning. Feeling good despite all things

Adventure/Quest

Live as if there is nothing to worry about

Book title

777

1129

Delivering for the Asian place. It’s a pretty big order (like 4 bags) could be interesting.

Good example of my blessings blessing others. I consider my work a blessing. Frustrating at times yes but a blessing. My work allows me to be available to help these ladies out when they need it.

Also example of manifesting food - egg roll, soda, something else. Came right when was starting to get hungry. Took place of lunch.

1152

$18

Contemplating the $$ and what to do. (Tuck or tick?) decided to split.

2 hawks

[also Re-start Special Fund. Same premise different approach ]

2245

What a day (Shavuot?)

Cash day - $79

Saturday, May 27, 2023; 0541

slept good. Feeling good. Moving slow and steady this morning.

0706

[Entry in ‘The Other’ post]

1018

I am finally ready to start the day. Beyond the usual routine I have been allowing myself to be distracted by little tasks. I pulled books and tweaked the shelves. I started shifting stuff in the garage. I’ve been writing.

I wish I had words for how I am feeling. I have words but idk if they are the best words. I feel intense and empowered. I feel as though I truly own my world even though I can’t seem to control even the slightest bit of it.

I feel calm and peaceful, confident and assured. This in spite of the fact that my life is chaotic and the ‘reality’ of my circumstances are currently a tad more dire than I wish to think about.

I am so very curious about this day. No plan. No direction. Merely a starting point and one at which to end. Everything in between is a random spin of the wheel.

It truly is just like a Quest.

[I really need to read Ant]

Sunday, May 25, 2023; 0541

Damn! What a week…and I’m feeling it too.

I don’t know what it was about this week. It was just intense from beginning to end. I’m certainly not going to try to recap it all. Here is what I do know about it:

The Homestead shifted [in many great ways.] It is as if it is preparing for something.

I have gone through great shifts. I cannot quite define them as of yet. I spent most of the week in almost a spiritual haze. I am having problems with my body today, but I think it is the end result of the week of energy I suffered.

The week was painfully slow. It has left me in a mess I can’t even contemplate yet. Though I say that, There is still the chance that I can balance things out before they get too much worse. Only time can tell.

This week I learned of Shavuot. The energies of it were absolutely intense. I’m not sure what they did to me.

I feel as though something big is happening [big enough anyway.] I couldn’t tell you what I think it is. I just feel something in the air. In fact, I feel like I will feel completely different about things come Tuesday [Morning/evening?] I don’t know what that means at all.

All I can do is keep on keeping on the best I can. For now, I am going to turn in and I will post this in the morning.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Cardinal - Renewed Vitality through Recognizing Self-Importance

They remind us that, regardless of the time of day or year, we always have the opportunity to renew our own vitality and recognize our own life roles. Whistles are often reminders to listen closely - to pay attention to what is blowing on the winds. Reflects that we should be listening to the inner voice (the feminine) more closely for our own health and well-being. Almost always reflects a need to assert the feminine aspects of creativity and intuition more strongly. Can reflect a need to b more careful about your diet, that what you are eating may be injurious to yourself and affecting your overall vitality. Reflects the rhythm of 12 that is going to become more predominant within your own life. Reflects lessons associated with responsibility and the recognition of the task at hand. May reflect past-life connections with the church, or even a reviving of more traditional religious beliefs, regardless of denomination. Remind us to add color to our lives, and remember that everything is of importance.

Groundhog – Mystery of Death without Dying – Trance - Dreams

The ability to get deep within an area of interest. A time when a new area of study is going to open up. Two years to come to full fruition. Important to give definite signals to the boundaries you wish to have respected in your life. Death without Dying. A time of initiation. A symbol of opening fully to the Dreamtime. Increasing ability to develop lucid dreaming. Clarity and power of altered states will be amplified. Dreams will become more significant. Opportunity to explore deeper states of consciousness. Lessons associated with death and dying. Revelations about its process. Knowledge of metabolic control.

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.

Rabbit - Fertility and New Life

Often seen as an animal that can lead one unknowingly into the Faerie realm. A symbol for sexuality and fertility. Usually, you will begin to see a cycle of 28 days beginning to manifest in your life. Those with rabbit totems will see movement occur in their life in varying degrees of hops and leaps. It won’t be steady step-by-step movement. The leaps and hops do not usually take more than the cycle of The Moon (28 days) to occur. Plan for possibilities. May indicate the need to do some more planning or review those you have already set in motion. You do not want to box yourself into a corner. Important not to foreshadow your moves. Learning to shift from freezing to great speeds will aid in your success and enables you to take advantage of opportunities that may present themselves for brief moments. May need to examine the kinds of food being consumed. For the greatest health and well-being, a vegetarian diet, even if only temporary, will strengthen and heal. How to recognize the tides of movement within your life. This in turn will enable you to become even more fertile in your life.

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dark of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Heron - The Call of The Quest and Travels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.

Flamingo [spirit-animals.com]– Flamingo symbolism is reminding you to get in touch with your emotions. It is a good idea to allow yourself to feel so that you can process your feelings. Furthermore, this spirit animal will enable you to grow through releasing issues. In other words, if you bottle things up, you will find yourself reacting rather than acting appropriately. Therefore, the Flamingo meaning dictates that you must allow yourself to release your feelings so that you can come into balance again. Alternatively, like the Prairie Dog, Flamingo symbolism may be letting you know that it is time for you to get out and socialize. Therefore it is time to have some fun in your life. Moreover, socializing will help let go of stressful situations and coming to terms with changes in your life. Correspondingly, this bird also brings new ideas and options that will come to you while immersing yourself in the company of others. It will also allow you to find balance and gratitude for what you have. It will give you a greater appreciation of those around you. Conversely, Flamingo symbolism may be pointing out that you are blending in a bit too well right now. In other words, you need to allow yourself to be different and to think for yourself. Thus, the Flamingo meaning prompts you to maintain your individuality within the crowds.

Ant - Industriousness, Order, and Discipline

Symbol of work and industry. Wisdom and intellect in their endeavors is often acclaimed. Social. Community activity. Gathering, hunting, growing. May find that the cycle of industriousness and building of goals may increase over a period of twelve years. Cycle of twelve - days, months, years - will be of significance. Teacher of how to build, how to be the architect of your own life. Show you how to construct our dreams into a reality. Greatest success occurs with persistence. Examine your own industriousness. Are you disciplining yourself enough to accomplish the tasks at hand? Are you or those around you looking for the quick and easy way? Are you neglecting important activities? Are you laying a good foundation? Are you adding new structures to your life with each passing year in some fashion - education, jobs, hobbies, etc? Are you being patient with your efforts? Are you being patient with yourself? With others? Are you making things greater and more difficult than they need to be? Are you missing the opportunity to initiate new creativity and endeavors? Can teach how to harness your own power to design and recreate your life. Can show you how best to work with others for the good of everyone. Regardless of circumstances, if the effort is true, the rewards will follow - in the most beneficial time and manner. The promise of success through effort.