S10EP9: Same Old Song and Dance

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

BJ & The Bull

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (4)

Brother John & Sister Jen

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, July 16, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Uncertain

Theme – Energy Displacement

I don’t know what to say on this one. I have seen it in different areas of my life. One example would be idle debates and conversation. This is just a waste of energy. Two opposing forces of thought are not going to rectify themselves unless that is what they are trying to do. Spending energy on depression or dejection is just a waste. But, I think it is not just about these things. Even a burst of productivity can be a byproduct of displaced energy.

Lesson – Choose Your Words Wisely

This isn’t as heavy as it sounds. I had a moment on Thursday. I was putting my thoughts and my energy out to The Universe and I stated that I needed to make $145 that day and that I needed at least $9 in cash beyond that. I was trying to work a few things and I needed just a bit of cash to top it off. I made my money that day. In fact, I made more than I asked for. However, I made most of it in cash. Unfortunately, that presented the problem of getting the funds in the bank which I couldn’t do that day. In the end, it did all work out, but it was a definite Lesson in ‘phrasing.’

Observation – It’s Not That Serious

I’m not sure this is the best of my Observations from the week. Nonetheless, until it gets serious it’s really not that serious. I have myself stressing out over so many random things at the moment. In the mind, they all seem critical and important, even though some things are still off in the future or not really concrete at the moment. Basically, in The Grand Scheme of things they are not that serious. This does not mean I should not take things seriously. I just need to keep everything in perspective and only deal with Each as it Comes.

The Post

I’m having a really tough time of it at the moment. The last few days actually. I have been very bi-polar and manic-depressive. One minute I am up and positive and feeling capable. Then, without any warning or even provocation I flip to the opposite and find myself extremely frustrated, agitated, dejected. Then, just like that, SNAP – I flip back around.

That’s how it’s been for days.

The week as a whole was awkward and odd and…intriguing. As usual, so much of it is already Once Upon Ago, but I will do my best to recall what I can.

Monday felt really weird from the get-go. I can’t remember how the day went. I can only remember how it ended – with me taking a ritual soak. I was so in need of one. I could feel the need in the morning. In fact, the need was so strong I thought we might be closer to the New Moon than we were. [The Moon is tomorrow.] After the soak, I went straight to bed.

I don’t know what happened in my sleep. I went so deep into Dreamtime that when I woke this world felt surreal. I had no balance. I stumbled around the house for quite a while. My head was foggy and that lasted most of the day. Outside of that, I don’t remember Tuesday.

I don’t remember Wednesday.

I believe some video happened in there somewhere.

Thursday was an intense day. It did not go the way I was planning, but it certainly went the way it was supposed to. There was a lot to be learned from Thursday. Now, I know there is video from that and I don’t want to say more about than I may have already. Though it was all very interesting the way it played out…and maybe I do need to mention this part.

So, I talked about how the money worked out that day. I made what I needed but not in the way I wanted. I was worried about another overdraft fee. Oddly enough, I was not charged a fee that day.

Friday was a rather short day. The morning was very slow. The mornings have been very slow for at least a week and that has been part of my frustration. [To be honest, the days as a whole have been very slow.] So, in a week such as this one had been – when I struggle to make the money I need – I have that whole added stress of watching the day drag on and get me closer to the deadline to avoid fees. On Friday, I found I had a way to avoid that stress.

I had a good cash week last week. So, between what I had in my wallet and what I had put in The Special Fund, I had enough to deposit and cover the deficit. Of course, this wouldn’t pull me completely out of the hole but it would keep me from facing anymore fees – at least for the moment. As I’ve said before, it is about a 35-40 minute drive [one way] to my closest bank branch. So going to make the deposit was going to throw a wrench in my day.

The branch is also inside a Wally World so I figured I would get my groceries and then go home to put the frozen stuff away. By the time I was home, I had decided to just call it a day and clean the house. It was already on the list of things to do. I wanted to do both the upstairs and the downstairs. I wanted to take my time and focus on it. My biggest stress from the day was resolved – not ending the day with a negative balance. It left my calculations from the morning no different than they had been because I never counted that cash.

I had a very productive day on Friday. I got the house cleaned. I even organized and tweaked a few little things here and there along the way. I got The Rocket cleaned out. I was just ready to go out and wash it when a thunderstorm rolled in.

I don’t know what happened on Saturday. I went out in the morning and I know I was struggling through the day. Not only was the day very slow once again but I was out of sorts myself. [Now I’m beginning to remember.] I had reached a point where I was just very groggy and tired. I had decided it was soon time to head home. I had been out for 4 hours that morning/lunch and had only made $30. Then I received payment for something I am doing next week. I had hoped that I would have that money as extra – to use to catch up with this or that. Instead, it saved my day.

Along the way, Mudder had texted me and asked if I would like to come over for a small cookout. I decided I would. My financial day was in and I deserve some time with friends. I came home and took my usual rest, although it was very unusual. I was out for something like an hour and a half. That almost never happens and when it does it was necessary. Then I went off to the Mudder’s.

I was there much later than I had planned. The conversation was intense. There was a lot of religious/spiritual talk. A lot of the same stuff I have been dealing with off and on for weeks. I have my feelings and my beliefs, but they are definitely being challenged. Mudder left me with quite a bit to contemplate.

I don’t know how much of it I can get into at this moment. I could sit here and write endlessly about it, I suppose.

But let me say this. I have been contemplating and meditating on Jesus and The Christ. [I do think they are two separate things.] I’ve been saying for some time that there is definitely an energy, a power, to the visualization of Jesus [or The Christ] that I cannot quite put my finger on. I haven’t been able to find words. I have a word – Love. The power and the energy is unadulterated Love. I think it is beyond anything man has yet to truly conceive.

Beyond that, I struggle with the reality of it all. Did Jesus exist – some say no, yet I have found writings that suggest otherwise. Historical writings from just shortly after that time. Does his existence change how I feel about things? I don’t know.

[I guess I am going to write about it.]

The more I look into things, the more confusing it becomes.

Christianity claims roots in Judaism. It insists that there are Christian concepts that can be found in The Old Testament – such as the Trinity and the devil and Hell. Yet these were never Hebrew concepts.

When I ask people about the fall recently, more and more they are citing The Book of Enoch. I have read Enoch, but on an app, so I might have to re-read it somewhere else. Though I find a lot of the imagery we use for Hell, I do not think that is the story it is telling. What also interests me is that people hold onto this imagery and tell the story but none of the churches recognize this book as official. The Hebrews don’t acknowledge it. The Catholics deny it, as do the Christians. But they swear it is the truth.

Christians will claim Satan fell but Hebrews never had a devil – nor even a fallen angel that I can find. [Except in Enoch and I do not believe the Watchers were Angels but some other form of Divine being.] The Hebrews had a character known as Ha-Satan, but this was a title and not a name. His job was to test those struggling in Faith. Anytime Satan appears in the Bible – Old or New Testament – that is precisely what is happening.

People tell me that Job was a challenge, a bet, a dare between G-d and this devilish Satan. But that is not how it reads. It reads like business. Ha-Satan is just doing what he had always done.

I do not know how I feel about the whole Trinity and The only begotten Son of G-d. None of it makes complete sense. The need for a savior makes no sense. The Devil and Hell make no sense. For me, to believe in it, makes me question G-d. If all of these things are so then they were all part of G-d’s plan from the beginning. So my question is what exactly was the plan – create the world and all of these people only to destroy it all again? To play some sort of psycho-spiritual gam? Believe in me, my way, or die and suffer?

You may wonder why it is so important to me.

Because G-d changed my life. Not Jesus, but G-d. I have been on this incredible journey for 25 years. It has not been pretty. It is not the tale you would expect to hear when G-d intervenes. But it has been intense and incredible. So, I just want to get it right.

There is, without a doubt, a power far greater than us in existence. It is pure magick.

Anyway, so today rolled around. I went out and worked the morning because I had a Celebration of Life event to attend for a bit in the afternoon. I went to this expecting it to be inspiring and uplifting and I left wondering why I even exist. I have been depressed ever since.

It was stupid things. Two people that I was very happy to see didn’t know me. I realize it has been years and they are older now but they had been such a part of my life, my youth, and they knew dad so well. I went up to the first one to say hi and he was like, “And you are?” The other woman just looked at me and said, “Your name is?”

Talk about suddenly feeling completely insignificant – realizing just how forgettable I am.

Then they began the celebration. The man was a great man. He truly was. But when I heard the stories I realized that I am nowhere near the man he was. I always wanted to be the type of person they were talking about but I am not.

And I felt even more insignificant. I truly began to wonder what I am living for. I’ve done nothing, been nothing. Then my life just kept hitting at me.

I am so very alone and I try not to let it bother me but it does. Yet, it seems my fate. I couldn’t get a date if I wanted to try. I’m poor and I am old and ugly and decayed. I have nothing to offer.

I am poor. I have dreams still that I cannot ever reach. How could I when I can barely reach tomorrow?

This is where my week has left me – more lost than I have ever felt before. I don’t even want to face another moment.

It is now Monday morning. I was not able to finish last night. I was so very out of it. I woike late this morning and I am just trying to figure out my day. I started with this because, even though so few people read it, even though I’m not sure it has any substance left, I feel such a drive to keep on going.

I have a small amount to make today to put myself on track and stay there. I feel I will be lucky to make that much today though. Especially with the later start. I also need to drag myself out of the rut of making Just Enough. I set out every day to do better and every day just seems more of a struggle. It takes me all day to make the slightest amount.

It is also the New Moon today. That always messes with me. Honestly, if I could afford it, I wouldn’t go out at all today. I really don’t want to. I need some healing and I can get that while I am out on the road.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Bat – Transition and Initiation

Symbols of initiation and rebirth. Implies a loss of one’s faculties if unwary about changes. Also holds the promise of rebirth and coming out of the darkness. The breaking down of the former self through intense tests. It is a facing of your greatest fears – that it is time to die to some aspect of your life that is no longer suitable to you. You are being challenged to let go of the old and create the new. You may see some part of your life go from bad to worse. That which worked before may no longer. The ability to move to new heights. The piercing of new barriers and the opening to higher wisdom. Awakens ability to hear spirit. An increasing ability to discern the hidden messages and implications of other people’s words. Listen as much to what is not being said. Trust your instincts. A new beginning that brings promise and power after the changes.

Cardinal - Renewed Vitality through Recognizing Self-Importance

They remind us that, regardless of the time of day or year, we always have the opportunity to renew our own vitality and recognize our own life roles. Whistles are often reminders to listen closely - to pay attention to what is blowing on the winds. Reflects that we should be listening to the inner voice (the feminine) more closely for our own health and well-being. Almost always reflects a need to assert the feminine aspects of creativity and intuition more strongly. Can reflect a need to b more careful about your diet, that what you are eating may be injurious to yourself and affecting your overall vitality. Reflects the rhythm of 12 that is going to become more predominant within your own life. Reflects lessons associated with responsibility and the recognition of the task at hand. May reflect past-life connections with the church, or even a reviving of more traditional religious beliefs, regardless of denomination. Remind us to add color to our lives, and remember that everything is of importance.

Dragonfly – The Power of Light

Inhabit two realms – water and air. The significance of these should be studied. There must be expressions of the emotional and the mental together. You may need some fresh air in regards to something emotional. You may need to gain new perspective or make a change. May even indicate that you are neglecting your emotions. Are you being too rational about everything? Are you not keeping the colors of emotion alive?

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.

Wren – Resourcefulness and Boldness

If Wren has come into your life it is time to ask yourself some questions. Are you using the resources available to you? Are others? Are you not displaying enough confidence? Are you so wrapped up in daily worries that you are forgetting to sing? Are you not staying grounded? Are you not seeing the forest because of the trees? Are you not attacking your life with enough gusto? Wren holds the medicine for using what is available, and it can teach you the most effective ways for building within your own environment.