S11EP10: Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

BJ & The Bull

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (4)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, October 15, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Circular

Theme –The Illusion of it All

I don’t know if I can find the words to describe this. I just have been hearing it in my head over and over all week. Nothing is ever quite what it seems. Everything overlaps and interlaces and it all creates a much different image or experience than first glance. That’s about the best I can do at the moment. The moral, Fellow Travelers, is, “Don’t be so sure.”

Addendum: I got it! I know what made me think of it – my finances. [Of course!] I forgot until I started dealing with them this morning. Anyway, I was just kind of looking over them throughout the week, as I always do. I just happened to notice [again] how it doesn’t matter what the paper says, the reality is always a little different. There may be some funds in reserve, or already on hold for something in particular. There may be less in expenses. There are so many ways to calculate. There’s what I need for the day just to get by. There’s what I need for the day to make my week. It all depends on what ou are looking at, or for.

Lesson –Cut Your losses

This Lesson, like so many of mine, stems from my financial experiences of the week. Sometimes ya just gotta cut your losses. You can only make up or recover so much. Everything else is a loss. There’s not much you can do about it. Accept it. Suck it up. Cut it Loose. Move on. The same is true for life. We live and life goes on. It shifts and changes. We lose so much along the way – jobs, opportunities, passions, relationships. We can’t get them back. We can’t always recover or make amends. All we can do is Accept it. Suck it up. Cut it loose and move on.

Observation – Everyone Knows the Truth

I suppose you could look at this as, “Deep inside everyone has a piece of the truth. Everyone knows the truth.” Unfortunately, this is not how I mean it. I got myself into another minor Facebook debate and the person was sure to tell me more than once how many years of study and degrees he had. He pointed out that he spent years researching the truth. Now, this was a spiritual/religious debate. So many times in this sort of debate I am told by people how much they know, how much they studied, how they have the truth that others just aren’t ready to handle yet. Here’s what I’ve learned about the ‘Truth’ – Everyone has it. There are certain things that I have looked up and researched numerous times over the years. Every time I do, I find something new. I come upon some new piece of information. Sometimes it backs up what I am thinking. Sometimes it is contradictory to what I have already read. [Sometimes only moments prior.] The thing all of these resources of information shar in common, no matter how different their ’truth’ might be, is that they all have things to back up the claims. They have research and quotes and books and studies and documents and this and that – making what they say ‘The Truth.’ The Truth is relative based on what you already believe. Everyone knows the Truth.

The Post

I am having a very good Moment in History right now, Fellow Travelers. It has been a very soothing and uplifting and inspiring and calming several days. As always, I only hope that I can do the experience justice in my telling.

I can’t tell you how my week started – so very Once Upon Ago. I’m sure it was the usual – wondering if I will make my week and pay my bills and do what I need to do.

It turns out I did.

I’m not exactly sure how I did. It was looking very questionable for a bit there.

Everything has been this very different experience lately. For instance, I am starting each week with money in my account. Usually more than enough to start off my week. Now, granted, a decent portion of that has been Oil Money. But, it hasn’t been needed as of yet, so it has been available as a sort of buffer. This allows me to start my week with a sense of calm. I can just sort of set out and do what needs to be done without calculating or cyphering.

Now, this coming week, most of that money will go. The kids got their portion of the money together and I will be ordering the oil. I do not think [based on current knowledge] that we will need all of what we have set aside – even if we get more oil than we were planning on in the first place.

Nonetheless, I have managed to gather a small amount of funds for the buffering purpose. It’s not near as much as I had going with the oil money and it, too, is earmarked for use when the time comes. I’m not exactly sure when that time will be, nor the purpose. There are many possibilities – and several variables along the way to determine how it all goes. Still, it is nice to have it there for the time being.

As usual, despite any plans of mine, the week had a rhythm and flow of its own. My only plan was to work and make the money this week. That’s all I really had my sights set on when the week began. There was quite a bit to pay and take care of this week, including car insurance.

One of these nights I was home early enough to take on a random project. [I think it was Monday. Though it could have been Tuesday as well.] I tweaked my office space into better shape. It had become a jumbled mess that I just was not keeping up with. Papers and mail and piles and ugh.

So, I properly labeled all the file folders and organized them. I made sure everything had a folder and that everything was in the folder which it belonged. I went through my stacks of mail and sorted my papers. I reorganized all of my cabinets and drawers. [Something I really took notice to this week is that – in the house anyway – I have more storage space than I have stuff.]

Wednesday would be a very short and not very abundant day. I was worried that it was really going to throw me off track for my Goals this week. But, it was a slow day and I finally gave up. I came home and worked in the shop. I didn’t build anything per se. I twiddled with a project or two but, mostly, I cleaned it up and organized it.

I realized at some point that I was gearing up for this week’s New Moon. It was very obvious. Not only have I been re-vamping and resetting my space, but I have been extra introspective this week. So much so that it almost hurts. [And it should.]

The rest of the week flipped and flopped as the week always seems to. I had so many financial Goals this week. I was trying to not only pay my bills but also maintain the money for oil. On top of that, I wanted to try to increase my ‘carrying’ funds. By the end of the week was close but not quite close enough. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. Then it gets a little weird.

Going into Saturday and Sunday I needed to make like $173 each day to make enough to be satisfied. Now Saturday was a weird day. I needed to take The Boy to work. [Cuddlebug was at her mom’s.] I also had to work myself and pick him up later. I made about $153 on Saturday.

The plan for Saturday night was to go and see Sunshine in a Halloween parade. Unfortunately, the parade was postponed due to rain. However, I still needed to get The Boy to Cuddlebug because they had plans the next day. So, I picked him up and drove him out her way. Now, I could have gone back out and worked some more. In the right moment, I may tell you I should have.

However, it was the New Moon and I decided I was going to return to The Homestead and do my soak while no one was home. It wasn’t that simple. I found that I did all sorts of tidying and tweaking before I could even run the water. I finished up all of my laundry and washed the dishes and organized my upcoming week and my to do lists. Only when all of this was done could I run the bath. It was like midnight until I got started. I know it was about 0230 when I got out and went to bed.

This left me with Sunday to make $193. I’m not sure how it happened but it did. In fact, it happened in like 8 hours. I got started later in the day and was still home early. All in all, I didn’t quite finish the week where I wanted but I still finished ahead and I will take that win.

I have hefty Goals for the week ahead as well. Still maintaining the oil money. [Though, I am going to order the oil this coming week.] I am also still trying to maintain my lead – though that will get sucked up soon enough. I have a support payment to make up this coming week. The following week I have a credit card payment to try and make up. [I’m not as concerned about this. I want it taken care of but it is not critical.] And, this week I finally lost one of the lenses to my glasses. So, it is finally time to find the money and get new glasses. [It’s been time for a while, but I have been putting it off.]

I go into this next week with the Faith I learned this week.

As I said, I have been processing quite a bit – wrestling with some things.

One thing I have been coming to terms with is that I am actually here. I am actually in a home. My home. I have talked before, Fellow Travelers, of my Land of Make-Believe. I think part of me had given up on the idea of having a home. It had become something I would just pretend from time to time when I was in a space that I could.

I think a lot of that mindset carried over into being in Nu Geistopia. I think only recently have I begun to realize and accept that I am here. Not only am I here, but [somehow] I am doing it. Not only am I doing it, but [somehow] I am making small improvements along the way.

Right off the bat, I took on more expenses than I had calculated. Not a great deal, but enough. Plus, I started the year $160 in the red and unable to work the first two days of the work year. Now, here I am, with money in the account each day. I’m managing the bills and the needs of the household. Every week something gets just a little bit easier.

I’m here.

And I’m doing it.

This got me to thinking about the past. It got me to thinking about my recent reading with the message, “I feel you should have been successful by now.” I said then that I have had that same thought many times over the course of the years. But, today, I look around Nu Geistopia na di wonder if that is true.

I am here. In a home of my own. Not just any home, but what seems to be the perfect home and has been since the day I officially “moved in.” It has space for everything in my life [and more than enough of it.] Each of the girls has a bedroom. I have a bedroom. I have a Spirit Room for doing works. I have a great office space and an excellent rec room. Two bathrooms so no one has to really wait. I have a workshop and a garden shed and a great yard with which I can’t wait to play.

I look at the fact that I am making money on my terms. I work when and how I want. Some days are good and some days are bad. Some are very long and some end quickly. Every day I rediscover parts of myself.

If it is all so good now, then perhaps the Shoulda, Woulda, Couldas don’t matter. In fact, if you can find any little thing about your life that you like and appreciate then all of the Shoulda, Woulda, Couldas of the past mean nothing.

Maybe my life Shoulda gone different. But then I [and it] could have turned out very different. Personally, I am content with both as they are.

Of course, it’s not always easy to apply this philosophy to everything in the past. There are always things you wish Woulda never been. But…they were. This is one of the other things with which I find myself wrestling.

The last post opened up a lot of stuff for me. I’m still processing it and I’m not sure what it all means for me quite yet. The process has brought with it much inspiration and hope for the future but it has also brought me regret and remorse over the past.

I was recently reminded that the ‘bad’ things serve just as much as[if not more than] the good things. These are the things that teach us about forgiveness and understanding and compassion. These are the things that open our minds, and our hearts, to the world beyond ourselves. These are the things that teach us the most about who we wish to be.

My meditations and revelations have put many things into perspective. There is no denying that I have been damaged for a very long time. Something doesn’t click right or didn’t develop properly or was stunted in some way. I don’t have specifics. But I do have all of these little pieces. In my pursuits of late I have discovered pieces that I would have never drawn lines between like a connect the dots. Yet, here they are, slowly connecting themselves and revealing a bigger picture.

This week I was feeling Christmas. I would say it is a bit early for that, but only slightly I suppose. After all, The Yuletide Season begins with All Hallow’s Eve.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Cricket –[from Spirit-animal.com]

Like the Ladybug and the Dragonfly, Cricket symbolism is a sign of exceptional luck. Furthermore, this spirit animal says that the things that you have been working toward and dreaming about are now possible. Therefore, Cricket meaning directs you to stay open to guidance and messages so that you will know what you have to do. You may be guided to buy a lottery ticket, interview for a new job, or be in the right place at the right time. In other words, Cricket symbolism is letting you know that all things are possible right now. All you have to do is feel that you deserve it! Similar to the Robin and the Whale, people with Cricket totem know how to sing their songs loud and clear! In other words, they love to use the power of their voice to attract what they want in life. These folks also have a gift for finding their way through awkward moments with panache and aplomb. People with this spirit animal are excellent communicators, love to walk their talk and are often vegetarian. In fact, like the Deer totem, they understand the power of music and will usually have a career that uses music as a form of healing.

Crow - The Secret Magic of Creation is Calling

Magic and creation are potentials very much alive during the day. Alchemy. Represents “ingredients,” the initial state of substance - unformed but full of potential. A reminder of what an happen if we are not looking for magic and creation every day. Magic and creation are ‘cawing’ out to us every day. Health, home and respect. Working with crows can help you to see how the winds are going to blow into your life and how to adjust your own life flights. Finding a dead crow was a sign of good luck. Wherever crows are there is magic. Symbols of creation and spiritual strength. Look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are messengers calling to us about the magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us.

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

Raccoon - Dexterity and Disguise

Also study Bear. Diet - vegetables and fruits. Expert at disguise and secrecy. Can teach you how to mask and disguise and transform yourself. Can teach you how to become dexterous in the masks you wear. Can show you how to wear a healing mask or show you the face of what you will become. Holds the knowledge of how to change our faces. Do you need to present a different face to people for greater success? Are you hiding your true self? Are others hiding their true selves? Learning to use masks to put one area of yourself to sleep so that another can be awakened. Will help you develop dexterity in using masks to achieve new and altered states and dimensions. 20 week cycles.

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.

Bear - Awakening the Power of the Unconscious

The Seven Great Lights of The Divine. Ties to subconscious and even unconscious mind. A symbol for alchemy, the ingredients of primal matter. It relates to all initial stages and primal instincts. How to go within to find the resources necessary for survival. Help you go within your soul’s inner sanctum to find your answers. Discernment and discrimination. Is your judgment off? How about those around you? Are you not recognizing what is beneficial in your life? Are you not seeing the core of good deep within all situations? Being too critical of yourself and others? Wearing rose-colored glasses? Go deep within so that you can make your choices and decisions from a position of power. Linking Heavens and Earth. Symbol of fertility, of things that grow. We must bring what we awaken into the world and apply it. Keep the cub inside alive and occasionally climb trees. A need to go deep within yourself. Have periods in your life when you are more reclusive. Go within yourself and even give birth to two or three ideas or projects. The Natural sweetness of life. Go within to awaken the power, but only by bringing it out into the open and applying it will the honey of life be tasted.