S11EP2: A Tale of Two Minds, Part 2

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

BJ & The Bull

Bert-On

The Bassett Hound

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason & His Bride

St. Diane & You (4)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

Wilson

The Nameless One

The Cousins

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, August 13, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Deciding

Theme – Patience and Pleasure

All good things come to those who wait. But, who can wait? When there is something you want, you want to get it. When something needs to be done or fixed you want to take care of it. When there is a problem you want so desperately to find a solution. And, usually, you want to do it as expediently as possible. But, sometimes, it can’t happen until it does. As you pursue whatever it may be, other things – such as enjoyment – can be pushed to the side. When you slow down and accept the patience the pleasure can re-emerge.

Lesson – Listen to The Voice

It’s irritating sometimes. It is. The Voice whispers. If you didn’t know to listen for it you might never hear it. When you do hear it, it so very often makes no sense at all. The thing is…it’s never wrong.

Observation – Remain Steadfast

It’s not always easy to hold your ground, especially in thought. But, it is important that we do. I could have lost my focus and mental foothold at so many points in the week. Still, as difficult as things became, I did not waiver in my Faith and belief. I think it worked out.

The Post

Monday, August 7, 2023; 1851

A storm is brewing.

This is not a metaphor about my life. [I hope.] I am speaking of a literal storm. In fact, The Valley is under a tornado watch. This has had an affect on my evening. I was out working. It was not going well. I had thought about throwing in the towel for the day and then suddenly got a few random offers in a row. I was on a delivery that I believed to be my last when I got another offer.

When it first came through, I hit a signal dead zone and did not get it right away. I had to let it pass and focus on my delivery because I was near the home and didn’t want to miss it. As I pulled up to the front of the house the offer went off again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to take it. I thought about it. I zoomed in on the map to be more clear about where exactly I would end up. I decided it could work. I accepted the offer – only to be told it was no longer available.

That was how it was meant to be. I knew this as soon as I looked up to the sky. I could see the storm rolling in and knew where I needed to be when it hit. This is one of those odd things about my life that most people seem to never understand – weather affects me. Just as the Moon can or the Holi-days. Each storm carries a certain energy, or spirit. Sometimes I can co-mingle with them. [I have sat outside with the spirit of a tornado already.] Sometimes I must hide from them.

This one is a definite hide. [Chills of Truth.]

Anyway, since I am home a little earlier than I would have liked, I figured I would take advantage of the time to try to balance out some aspect of my life. I needed to do a continuation of last week’s post. [Which, technically, is not finished yet.] I never really got into the ‘Split-Mind’ of my being.

I’m not quite sure that I have the precise words yet. Maybe I can find them through a brief review of my day.

I woke up a little later than I usually like to but early enough to count. I was moving slow at first and saw a list of tasks before me. I decided to do them and go out for work a little bit later in the morning. Monday’s can be painfully slow, especially during the breakfast hours. Truth is, I got out almost 45 minutes earlier than I thought I would.

I got one offer before I got out of the driveway. It took me a bit to get turned around and headed in the right direction but I did and I managed the order. I decided that while there was a quick beat and I was close enough that I would quick stop to put air in my tires. I have one that I suspected had a nail in it. It was not a nail, but a screw. I saw it while I was inflating the tire. So, from there I headed to The Mechanic. I needed to discuss payments with them anyway and now I could ask how long I could get away with just filling my tire all the time. [I really didn’t want them doing anymore work to The Rocket. Not until I can start paying off what they have done.]

Anyway, the payment person wasn’t in but I did talk to the owner and he’s all cool. He tells me all the time how just the fact that I show up to discuss things says so much. He also said he wanted to just plug the tire while I was there – before I did greater damage to it. This held me up quite a bit. I was there a lot longer than I would have anticipated.

I got on my way but then had to turn around because I left my coffee cup. Then I had to make a restroom run. Basically, I got started much later than I would have liked and the beginning of lunch was very slow.

Bu 1315 I was overly tired. My eyes didn’t want to stay open. I came home and I took my rest. I figured I’d sleep for a bit and then get back out on the road. I slept for about an hour and a half. I don’t understand that. I know I was out. I know I was deep in Dreamtime. But I don’t know why I would be out for so very long. It took me a little bit from there to get my head on straight and get back out on the road.

Dinner wasn’t much better. It started slow with offers that were not worth taking. Then I got a little burst. Which, of course, ended as I already stated.

I can think of a hundred reasons to be tense and worried about my life. I needed a much better day than I had.

Enter the split mind.

For 20+ years I have touted myself as a man of Faith. So, it was a crappy day. It was almost the complete opposite of what I had ‘prayed’ for. But I believe….I know…that Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise & Perfectly Placed. The Father Knows What You Need Before You Need It. Anything is Possible and Nothing is as it Seems.

If that’s what my day was then that is what my day needed to be. My mess will get cleaned up and straightened out. I don’t know how and I don’t know when.

Other people may think differently. Which does get me to wonder if I am a bit delusional. My life isn’t exactly ideal and it never has been. But it has been perfect for me every step of the way. All I can do is make the most of what comes my way.

Wednesday, August 9, 2023; 2057

I’m having a really tough time. Something is wrong, but I don’t know what. I have been very tired lately. I mean, like tired all the time. I’m not feeling well. I’m not certain what is causing it. This is the perfect arena for The Split Mind.

In one mind, I find that perhaps some concern is warranted. I shouldn’t be feeling like this all the time. In the other mind, I can only imagine that it is a symptom of forthcoming growth and change. If my life is changing then this is be my body processing.

I’ve been struggling daily to get things done and to make money. Nothing is really going right. In one mind, I see this as failure – like I am doing something wrong. In the other mind, I can see so many other things. I can see my resolve and my persistence. I see my creativity and resourcefulness. The pieces are not falling on the table the way I would like, but I am playing them the absolute best that I can.

In one mind I think things over too much.

In the other, there is barely a thought.

Sunday, August 13, 2023; 1901

A rough day at the end of a very rough week.

I know I wrote about things on Monday and Wednesday, but I couldn’t tell you now what I wrote. That is all Once Upon Ago. We will pick up at Thursday.

Thursday began my Re-Birthday run. The Day Before, The Day Of and The Day After. None of these days played out as I had planned or hoped. They are the biggest contributors to the mess within which I currently find myself. [The days and the choices.]

I went out to work on Thursday. I know it didn’t work out so well. The week was rough for work all along. I didn’t realize until about mid-week that I was fighting not one, but two, fairs/festivals in the area. The daytime shifts have been challenging for a few weeks now, but these fairs just murdered dinner shifts – which are usually my saving grace.

On top of this struggle, I was struggling with energy and focus for much of the week. I was excessively tired every day and every night. I was sleeping longer at night and taking longer rests during my afternoon breaks.

But, like I said, I can’t remember much of the week [in specifics.] My memory recall actually begins Friday around 1530. This was The Day Of. [Happy Re-Birthday to me.] I went out and worked during the day. Then The Princesses came around 1530.

At first, my plan was just to let Mama drop them off at New Geistopia and I would catch up with them after dinner shift. However, Cuddlebug was bringing a bunch of stuff for moving in, including a large [and heavy] shelf unit. So, I had to be here to help with that. Till we got everything unloaded and there was that bit of time afterwards when their little brother was running around being curious, the evening was well into dinner shift.

I had wanted to have dinner with the girls anyway. So, I decided to just stay home at that point and make dinner so we could sit and enjoy it together. This would also ensure us some time for hanging out together. I like to have some amount of time for that when they come anyway, but most especially for a Re-Birthday. We had a nice dinner too. I had to do grocery shopping on Friday [another reason I came home – so I could put the groceries away.] I bought some shrimp scampi and angel hair for us to cook up.

The store trip is worth a moment in my storytelling. I got what I needed. I got as little as I could manage, but I got what I needed. [Which wasn’t much.] My total bill was a little more than $48. However, I have been using the Upside app for cashback and I had $31 available which I had put on a gift card for groceries. So my out-of-pocket was only just over $17. That made me feel good. It made me feel blessed.

There was a moment of the opposite persuasion on Thursday. It was near the end of my workday. The Rocket started behaving strangely. It wasn’t quite shifting properly and making a noise. It made me think about how I hadn’t checked the oil in a little over a week. [When you put 1000 miles a week on your vehicle it is best to check it weekly.] I had been stalling because I was going to get the oil at Wally World when I went for groceries on Friday.

But, this whole experience was making me think that maybe it was best to not wait any longer. I was headed back to The Homestead and I figured I would just walk up the street to the gas station and get 2 quarts. [Just in case The Rocket took two.] I was on the other end of The Valley making my last delivery. As I made the turn to head to the highway I realized there was a gas station right at the highway. Why wait? So, I went and got oil and put a quart in right away. When I went in and found the oil on the shelf they only had one brand in the oil I needed and there was no visible price on the shelf.

I shrugged. It was what it was. I needed the oil and it was seeming like it was becoming critical.

$26 for those two quarts.

I’m certain I almost passed out from the price. But, again, it was what it was and what it was was necessary. I added one quart immediately and The Rocket didn’t have another problem the rest of the way home. In fact, it hasn’t had one since. So I am grateful for the oil. But that price tag sent me for a loop. That was quite a bit more than I would have spent. [And I haven’t had to put the second quart in yet.]

Anyway, The Princesses and I did have our dinner. Then later on we got together again and had some cake for my Re-Birthday and played a game of Cards Against Humanity to round out the night.

Saturday was going to be weird from the outset. My grandmother was being chauffeured up from Delaware for an afternoon visit. We all wanted to go to Olde Geistopia to spend some time with her. Mama would pick the girls up from there. I had already decided to take the early part of Saturday off. I would just work dinner shift.

I have done this sort of thing in the past when The Princesses have come for just an overnight. I take off dinner one night and then breakfast/lunch the next day. This equals a full day off. I usually take the time off on the second day to make them breakfast, get them organized and get them home. That’s how this day ran. In fact, we got a lot of stuff done in the morning.

I straightened up the house – mostly so I could take pics to show my grandmother since she couldn’t get to the house. Cuddlebug swept the floors before they left. I not only made breakfast but I at 0530 I was in the kitchen making banana bread because I know they like it. [And I like to bake.] I can’t tell you how many loads of dishes I took care of that morning. [Including the dishwasher.] I mowed the lawn. I folded laundry and put it away. It was a very productive morning. But it left a lot of things unfinished as well.

Now, this was the first time in weeks that I was feeling [acting] like myself. I only got about 4 hours of sleep Friday night and I took no [sleeping] rest on Saturday. In fact, other than maybe 20 minutes of just laying on my bed and resting [no sleep] I was on the go from 0430 Saturday morning until about 0130 this morning. Then I went to bed and got up at 0530 today.

The visit with my grandmother was nice but it ended up being longer than I had ever intended. Once the girls left, Big ‘D’ was serving dinner. She asked me if I wanted to stay and eat. I knew the amount of work she put into it and I hadn’t really eaten since breakfast so I stayed. This worked out, because when my grandmother and mom’s friend were ready to leave they were confused about how to go. So, I had them follow me out to the road they needed.

This screwed me for dinner shift, but it was good that I was there to help them. [Also, I got an order for a walking stick.] This also allowed me [I thought] to come home and finish the things we had started earlier in the day. I did eventually finish them, but not until after I just sat and zoned for well over an hour. I just had no energy or thought process.

Still, once I regained myself, I worked on another load of laundry, got all the dishes washed or put away, I did a little cleaning in the bathroom. I had even stopped on my way home to get gas for the lawn equipment. I can’t complain about the productivity of yesterday. It all needed to get done and it all got done. But that hurt me financially.

I was up again at about 0530 this morning. I moved through my morning slowly. [Not on purpose.] I left for breakfast shift a little later than I would have liked and that became even later because I had to go put air in tires first. Oh the life I lead.

Wilson gave me a hose attachment for my air compressor so I could fill the riding mower tire when I needed to mow. I figured now that I have one, I could also put air in the Rocket’s tires whenever I needed. So this morning I decided to check them. It worked perfectly on both tires on the driver’s side. Yet, when I moved to the passenger side, something wasn’t connecting right and all it would do was let the air out. I let out like half the air in each tire trying to inflate them. Needless to say, I had to inflate them before I drove around all day. This put me way behind schedule. But that is not the worst of my day.

Cuddlebug has finally gotten her license. She has a car she wants to go and buy tomorrow. First, though, the car must be insured. When my work day first started it was slow. So, while I was parked, I figured I would hop on the app and add her to my policy as well as her car. This became an extremely painful process.

I got her added but the car caused caution. I didn’t want to officially add it until I understood how much the premium would be and that she was OK with whatever it was. So, I paused and went on the virtual chat helpline. I was chatting with the agent and Cuddlebug at the same time. Somewhere in that process, I got disconnected from chat and had to start all over again with another agent. To make matters worse, Cuddlebug was in church and couldn’t really answer my questions. So, I let it ride until later. But, I lost an hour of work in the end because I had to be so focused on the job at hand.

Once she was out of church and was communicating more easily I decided to try again. Again, I started with one agent and got disconnected. This was fine because that agent was making me very tense. At first it seemed like the insurance was going to be way too expensive for Cuddlebug, especially the first payment in September. This agent was trying so hard to explain it to me and I just was unable to wrap my brain around what he was writing. When we got disconnected and I started with a new agent, I asked him if he could call me.

This made the whole process so much easier – not only to understand but to get through. I had to finagle quite a bit to get the premium to a number we could both be comfortable with. [We have shit coverage, but we can afford it.] It’s still more than she would have liked but it is reasonable and fair. Again, till all was said and done this took over an hour of my time and focus – during which I couldn’t work. It was lunch time. [Which is not the same on Sunday as a week day.]

I delivered a few more orders before lunch was officially over. Then Big ‘D’ sent a text that she had leftovers for me whenever I wanted to pick them up and bring them to the house. I decided to do it right away. I was about ready to head back to the house for a rest anyway. I had worn myself out with stress alone while taking care of the insurance. I brought the leftovers home and put them away and tried to rest without sleeping. However, I was falling asleep in my desk chair. I decided to lay down a bit but I couldn’t allow myself to be out for long. So, I set an alarm. I gave myself 15 minutes to sleep.

When I woke, I went back out on the road. Dinner shift started poorly. The offers that were coming in were just not reasonable. By this point in the day I had determined that I could consider myself blessed and lucky if I made Just Enough to pull my account out of a negative balance. This meant I needed about $27. Eventually, I got a grocery delivery for $35. [Which actually paid $43 in the end.] However, it was a job I wouldn’t normally take. I have stopped doing the package deliveries because they have not been working out well for me. There is a glitch in the system somewhere. But, for $35 I could afford a little flexibility in the process. It also involved a trip into center city which is usually a real big NO for me. I couldn’t turn it down though.

I almost wish I could have because it ended up being quite back breaking. I had to park a block away from the apartments and then carry the order to the third floor. I needed to make three trips back and forth to do this and two of those trips included a 30 pack of water bottles. I was not happy. Nonetheless, it worked out and I finished my day. I got myself out of the negative hole I was in, but tomorrow another shall begin.

I was really seeing the situation as hopeless, even though I have Faith that G-d has a plan. [Two minds.] I made a post on my personal Facebook page telling people to just send prayers. I figured that was enough. I didn’t want to get into it or seek pity. But, on the way home, I decided that what I could do was make another post briefly pointing out the situation I am in. [I figure I need to generate about $500 to balance myself out properly.] Then I added to that post that I would lower my Reiki rate to $50 for the first 10 people but the offer is only good for 5 days.

In less than an hour I had manifested $200. Now, to be fair - $50 came from a friend. She said to consider it a belated birthday present. The other $150 came from someone for whom I had done some wood working. I knew the money would come eventually. I didn’t know how much or when. Still, this makes a dent in my forthcoming negative balance. In fact, IF…if the business is there and I hustle my ass from the beginning of lunch to the end of dinner tomorrow, I actually stand a chance of defeating it tomorrow. I can’t do breakfast because I have to put in three hours to finish a job for which I have already received payment. That needs to be completed and cleared from my system of things. It cannot linger.

Even if I don’t manage the full amount, I will be left in a position of being able to conquer it on Tuesday. I find this fascinating because every time I stressed today, The Voice would whisper, “3 days.” To which my response was always, “But I have to be able to survive 3 days in order to get there and have things be better.”

Now I will. [I may even be able to pay my credit card bill tomorrow.]

Another little interesting tidbit. The insurance policy changes have shifted my payment. I only owe $5 this month. However, next month I will owe about double my normal payment. Again, this is fascinating because this week I began hearing another whisper of, “30 days.”

It is no ordinary life.

It shifts and bends and changes every minute of the day. This is part of what creates the Two Minds. I am trying so desperately to lead the life of everyone else – home, family, work, etc – and I am trying so hard to live it in their way.

One mind.

Yet, my life has its own flow. It does its own thing and works in ‘mysterious ways.’ The truth is, living a life like everyone else is not a challenge for me. It is a hinderance. It begins to limit possibilities and potential. It places blinders on the mind’s eye and focuses only on the practical and reasonable. But, my life has always been ‘outside the box.’

Two minds.

I am ready to face next week – which is the week things are supposed to start getting better and so far it does appear to be shaping up that way. I was told that these last two weeks would be very difficult and they were. I was told that I would want to cry. I would want to die. I would want to quite. I remembered this every time I started to get frustrated and feeling hopeless. It would give me a boost. All I had to do was reach today and things would start to get better.

I can’t say that at any point I wanted to die. But, today I could have cried. I also came about as close to quitting as I can allow myself to get.

When The Voice whispers it is not wrong.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Ant - Industriousness, Order, and Discipline

Symbol of work and industry. Wisdom and intellect in their endeavors is often acclaimed. Social. Community activity. Gathering, hunting, growing. May find that the cycle of industriousness and building of goals may increase over a period of twelve years. Cycle of twelve - days, months, years - will be of significance. Teacher of how to build, how to be the architect of your own life. Show you how to construct our dreams into a reality. Greatest success occurs with persistence. Examine your own industriousness. Are you disciplining yourself enough to accomplish the tasks at hand? Are you or those around you looking for the quick and easy way? Are you neglecting important activities? Are you laying a good foundation? Are you adding new structures to your life with each passing year in some fashion - education, jobs, hobbies, etc? Are you being patient with your efforts? Are you being patient with yourself? With others? Are you making things greater and more difficult than they need to be? Are you missing the opportunity to initiate new creativity and endeavors? Can teach how to harness your own power to design and recreate your life. Can show you how best to work with others for the good of everyone. Regardless of circumstances, if the effort is true, the rewards will follow - in the most beneficial time and manner. The promise of success through effort.

Cricket –[from Spirit-animal.com]

Like the Ladybug and the Dragonfly, Cricket symbolism is a sign of exceptional luck. Furthermore, this spirit animal says that the things that you have been working toward and dreaming about are now possible. Therefore, Cricket meaning directs you to stay open to guidance and messages so that you will know what you have to do. You may be guided to buy a lottery ticket, interview for a new job, or be in the right place at the right time. In other words, Cricket symbolism is letting you know that all things are possible right now. All you have to do is feel that you deserve it! Similar to the Robin and the Whale, people with Cricket totem know how to sing their songs loud and clear! In other words, they love to use the power of their voice to attract what they want in life. These folks also have a gift for finding their way through awkward moments with panache and aplomb. People with this spirit animal are excellent communicators, love to walk their talk and are often vegetarian. In fact, like the Deer totem, they understand the power of music and will usually have a career that uses music as a form of healing.

Dragonfly – The Power of Light

Inhabit two realms – water and air. The significance of these should be studied. There must be expressions of the emotional and the mental together. You may need some fresh air in regards to something emotional. You may need to gain new perspective or make a change. May even indicate that you are neglecting your emotions. Are you being too rational about everything? Are you not keeping the colors of emotion alive?

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

Grasshopper – Uncanny Leaps Forward

Get off the haunches and move. Take a chance; take a leap forward. Others may seem to be progressing while you are sitting still. Do not let this discourage you. There is about to be a new leap forward – one that will probably carry you past others around you. Trust your own rhythms and instincts. What works for others will not necessarily work for you. Listen to your own inner voice.