S11Ep6: Unimportant, Irrelevant, Obsolete

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

BJ & The Bull

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (4)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, September 8, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Uncertain

Theme – Plans Change so Change the Plans

We all experience this. Life happens. Plans change. I am not unique in this experience. Where I am unique is the frequency and intensity with which this happens in my life. It’s not just an experience it is a way of life. It’s like a survival skill. The whole of my life – every individual aspect of it – is so intricately connected that a simple shift in any timeline creates a ripple effect that disrupts them all. When my plans change I have to change my plans – not just for that moment, but for the day, and for the week. So I tell you, Fellow Travelers, when plans change do not fret nor gripe nor stress nor worry. Nay, do not even allow yourself to become to excited or ecstatic. Simply change your plans to fit the plans that have changed and all will be as it should.

Lesson – There is Light in The Darkness

[This could have just as easily been the Observation.]

Someone once told me, “You cannot understand the light until you have walked through the darkness.” I think this is true. We cannot spread hope until we have come to understand hopelessness. We cannot give love until we know what it is to lack it in the first place. The Darkness makes us stronger and wiser. It shows us who we truly are and who we are capable of becoming.

Observation – Life is a Funny Thing

That’s about all I have to say on that.

The Post

The post title is because that is how I found myself feeling this week. I’m not sure that’s where I want to start. I’m not even certain it’s something to write about. But I still liked the title. For now, let’s move on to other things.

I’ve been struggling with the writings lately. It feels as though I have been droning on and on and just not getting anywhere. I think, in the long run, the things I have been talking about are important. The weeks have been strange in how they have been unfolding. All the details themselves may not seem interesting now, but they do demonstrate how life can flow on its own.

Still, I feel like there is a deeper story at work and I just can’t quite put my finger on it.

Let’s start with the reminder that this is year 1 of a 3 year plan. It’s not my plan. [It never is.] So, I do not know what the plan is. I believe I have some guesses. I know the homestead plays a large part in it. [Obviously.] But, I do not know anything [really] beyond that. I’ve just gotten the reminder several times over these past weeks.

The reminder has managed to help me put some things into perspective. Especially things in regards to the house and yard. I moved in with a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year – mostly in the yard. I did not get nearly as far as I wanted. But that’s ok. Unlike this past season, I have the winter to plan and prepare.

That’s kind of how I feel about everything right now. I had high hopes when all of this began – great expectations. [But, then, don’t I always?] I had a lot I wanted to see happen this year. I feel like very little of it actually got done. However, many things were done that were never anticipated. For as unaccomplished as I feel, a lot was done around New Geistopia this year. The homestead has come a long way and, truly, has grown by leaps and bounds. It just hasn’t been what I envisioned.

This is not failure. It is merely a shift in priorities and perspective. Going into the ‘dead time’ gives me a chance to plan ahead and work towards the Goals now. Whereas, this year, I came in completely unprepared and already behind by the time the season was getting good.

Anyway, I tried looking at my recent years in numbers. This year is my first year in the house. However, my time ‘officially’ started in October. So, I think that is how I am going to look at things.

October 2022 to October of this year would be 0 – The Void. The place where nothingness finds form. Or is it? Perhaps it is year 1 – the year of the Self. It has been all about getting to know me all over again. But that would push The Void back to 2021. I don’t know. I just always find those things interesting and it helps me understand where in time I am so I know what I should or should not be expecting.

Anyway…

Life is always something. As I said, the past few weeks have been intense. I had that really, really good week. I mean super good. Of course, that was preceded by 2 to 3 weeks of literally being in the negative daily. After the really good week, things mellowed out a bit. It didn’t get bad, but it wasn’t going the way I had been hoping.

Still, I have held my ground and what a very different feeling. I started the year legit -$160 in my account. Up until recently, I have started almost every week that negative sometimes more. Since The reset I have been starting each week with some money in the account. Just Enough to feel good going into the next week – knowing there is at least some money there if needed.

There have been very strong days and days that felt like a waste of time. There have been days that I have been out all day long and days I have been mostly home. Or never went out at all. The finances have kept up and things have been getting done.

When I hit the negatives, and for the few weeks after, all I did was focus on driving. This meant that the whole of the rest of my life kind of went on hold. When the smoke cleared, I found that everything was about 4-6 weeks behind. This was all of my record keeping and tasks and projects and so on.

I have managed to get caught up on all of my record keeping. From here, it must be a daily chore. Every other day at the least. Along the way I have tweaked a little of this and a little of that. I moved some projects along. I even made time to clean the main floor this past weekend.

The kids being here has certainly made a difference. They are helping with keeping things in order and getting the yard work caught up bit by bit. They have been tending to their own groceries but have on occasion replaced household staples such as bread and lunch meat.

But, it is always something. The struggles are real. The Rocket is a perfect example. That car is constantly being worked on. I have barely started to pay off the last round of work and there is plenty going on with the car that needs to be checked. Probably sooner than later. Still, we will continue to push it off as long as possible – for everyone’s sake.

Little by Little, bit by Bit.

The Slightest Change can Make the Biggest Difference.

Such as…tablets.

I finally bought tablets for The Homestead. This is something I have been wanting to do for about 2 months. I function better with tablets. I walk around the house with a thousand things running through my mind. In every room I go I find things that need to be done or purchased. By the time I get to my one tablet I have forgotten what those things were because I found more on my travels.

So, I bought two 3 packs of tablets. There is now one at my desk, one in my folder that travels with me, one in the shop, in the spirit room and I even took one down to the bar room. It has been helping. I have been purging my mind with almost every thought. I just keep writing things down and then one day I sit down with the pages from all the different rooms and make one condensed list.

Lists help me keep focus.

And, I have plenty to focus on at the moment. Of course, there is always working. Plus the house and yard work. I have lists of things that need to be getting done – inside and out. I have my little side hustles, such as metal scrapping. I’ve been doing a lot of work on WTML videos. I have a collection of them to edit and upload. I also have a list of projects in the shop – some of which will pay. So, I really need to get out there in some of my new found spare time.

Currently, we are beginning to prepare for winter. The Autumn is here and will come and go in a flash. This is why [in my mind anyway] the rule of thumb is – A Season Ahead. So, we have talked about plans for heating The Homestead. There are no easy choices really. The best thing for us is the oil heat but it will also be the most costly. I don’t know how we are going to make it work quite yet, but I have been searching for information and quotes. I will cover as much as I can, and, as much as I have said I don’t want the kids to give me money for being here, they may have to cover whatever I can’t – even if that means all of it.

I hate that possibility. However, I have everything else covered. I pay the rent and the electric and the trash. I pay for all of the streaming services – both music and movies. I pay for all of the ‘staple’ groceries and household products. I do not mind. I don’t mind at all. I am very glad to be doing it. [To be able to do it.] But, I am stretched almost to the max. Finding oil payments is going to be near impossible in current circumstances. If they weren’t here my heading choices would be different.

Still, in our planning we are formulating ways to keep the oil usage to a minimum. First, we talked about winterizing the windows. Wally world sells kits and such. I think some of them are truly as basic as putting plastic over the window. We will do all the major windows with issues and leaks. We will not do all of the windows. I still want some of that natural leakage air flow.

Besides that, we are planning on using the pellet stove during the day. At first glance, this may seem a bit backwards. The thing is, people are in and out throughout the day. It would make the most sense to turn the oil back or off altogether. I’m not a fan of letting the house get too cold and then having to heat it back up. Nonetheless, the pellet stove is in the office space along with the thermostat for the oil. When the pellet stove is on, the furnace will inevitably stop running.

So, I figure if we light the pellet stove in the morning and let it run at a median temperature, the core of the house will remain at a decent temperature. The back rooms will get a little cooler but no one is using them. They are my bedroom and the Spirit Room. The upstairs rooms will also get a little cooler. However, heat does rise and those rooms always stay a bit warmer because they are in the direct travel path of the sun. If we let the pellet stove go out in the evening, then, when we are all home and spread about the house, the oil will burn and keep all rooms comfortable – including the basement spaces.

We have yet to agree on a temperature at which to set the thermostat. Cuddlebug is concerned that their bedroom will get to cold at night. It will definitely cool down but it is one of the two warmest [overall] rooms in the house for the above mentioned reasons. Still, we will experiment with temperatures and if needed they can run a small electric heater while they sleep.

A Season Ahead.

I am also starting Christmas/Yule plans. I have them in my head but I will need to start cyphering them completely very soon or I will find myself under that Christmas Rush. I suppose at this point I should just come to expect it anyway. Year after year, no matter how hard I try to get ahead, I find myself under that crunch between the Solstice and Christmas Eve.

Through these weeks, I have been wrestling with a lot of different areas in my life and aspects of myself. Most of this has just been a kind of coming into acceptance. Some of it has been trying to put things into perspective – at least enough that perhaps my mind can put the issues to rest. By this, I mean things like my addictions and distractions and all of the elements in my life that have connected to create them.

I see the pieces and I know that they have impacted me. I just don’t always know in what way or how it has all come together to create my present. There is also a piece of which I am uncertain. I know it exists. I know it is the answer to it all. It is the piece that connects all the other pieces. I do not know what it is. I have my theories, but nothing that is currently provable. At this point, I have determined that it is either a childhood trauma, or it is some kind of remnant experience of a past life. It is so deeply rooted in my psyche that I just cannot get to it.

I’ve also determined that I was stunted developmentally at some point in my life.

Just leave that there. Don’t try to understand it at this point.

My Self-Realization of late has revolved a lot around accepting that I have always been awkward and odd and out of place. I’ve never felt that I belonged anywhere. So, I spent so much time trying to create a way to belong – to do something, make something, accomplish something.

I did this in desperation and never quite got the groove of it. Nor did I ever benefit. I have known myself, but in the haphazard existence I call my own, it has never been wholly. It has always been a little of this and a little of that. Pieces of that part and parts of this piece. A strong flow of some activity or work at one moment and at the next it ceases completely. Until, that is, it cycles back around.

I have never been able to fully know my cycles and rhythms and routines. When they weren’t altered by obligations they were stifled by living circumstances. Again, they would filter through in little bits here and tiny fragments there.

So, this whole experience of New Geistopia and being able to just live my life has been both challenging and enlightening.

“Your problem is that you think you’re normal…and you’re not”

Time and time again, The Shaman spake these words. I never really understood what was meant by them . I still don’t. I only know that they hold true.

I have my oddities and my ways about me, certainly – how I think and feel and process. My perceptions of experience. What I have realized is that, odd as they may be, these are the things that make me the me people love. Without them, I become a very different creature – not very good [at best.]

Dangerous might even be apropos.

But it is not just these things that make me ‘not normal.’ It is my collection of experiences. My path has been unique, to say the least. I think a contributing factor is my perception of realities. There are many planes of existence and many beings among us. They are perceptible, but rarely with the eyes.

There are Heavens and Hells and Worlds and Planes and Dimensions.

The fabric of all that has been, is, and will be woven together with the illusory threads of time.

There are angels and demons and spirits and sprites and things that go bump in the night.

This, of course, is my segue into…

Guess who’s awake.

I have talked many times, Fellow Travelers, of The Place That I Loathe So. It is here that I first encountered The Demon. He was a terrifying and powerful force. So powerful that he was able to scare away three of the most talented mages I have known in my life.

He tormented us. He followed us, sometimes as far as The Carolinas. He taunted and toyed with us.

Then one day it just stopped. No true indication as to why. We never went to battle with him nor cast spells. The closest we came to this was that night in Olde Geistopia when the coven of us unleashed remnants of a past that may have manifested this beast.

No one really questioned it. No one seemed curious as to why it suddenly just ceased. Instead we went about our own merry little several ways, swept it under the carpet, and pretended nothing ever happened.

I have previously confessed that I pass by, sometimes even stop at, The Place That I Loathe So quite frequently. I have ever since those days. It went quiet and I just always have wanted to be certain it remains that way.

For many years, all seemed peaceful and still. Then, at some point, I could feel his presence. It was dormant but I was aware of it. Then one day I caught his scent. He was stirring. I remember when that was. I remember the magicks that were taking place and how I feared that these inadvertent rituals were going to wake him. My fear, it seems, were well founded.

For as unreal as it may all sound – It happened.

From time to time, I am ‘gifted’ with validation. Such as the time, a decade later, when Otto confessed to me his visit to the place. He had projected there and was immediately met with resistance powerful enough to hurt him. Someone didn’t want him there and they made sure he was well aware.

It was at this time, Otto told me that he had vowed to never again return there under any circumstances whatsoever. I’m pretty sure he even said the words, “So if anything else happens, you’re on your own, dude.”

Even The Shaman won’t go there.

My most recent validation has been Cuddlebug. She has begun her freshman year at The College. As I have stated many times, Fellow Travelers, The College and The Place That I Loathe So are in such close proximity – over laced and interlocked – that they could potentially be one in the same. Hence, Cuddlebug will have, and has had already, occasion to encounter The Place That I Loathe So. [She is aware that I loathe it, and of the reasons that I do.]

There is one point in particular in The Place that creeps me the fuck out. It just ain’t right. There is something so off about it. Energetically it is working on a level I do not recognize. It is dark and chaotic. The place makes my fucking skin crawl. I will not go in there…ever.

Not until I know.

Cuddlebug has been there once and she too felt it. She said the whole place made her feel so very uncomfortable.

The interesting, perhaps even ironic, part is that it is the one point in The Place where a person should feel the most comfortable.

Along with The Demon has come The Daemon.

This is nothing new.

I think, too, that he [I think it’s a she] never really went away but merely drifted in the shadows of my chaos and despair.

He makes my skin crawl too. Lemme tell you, sunabitch is one creepy ass mother fucker.

The funny part is that I am still not afraid of him. [Her.] This doesn’t mean that I care to encounter him. [Her.] Also, do not misunderstand. I’m not afraid but that does not mean I take it lightly. I am in awe of the power that resides there. I have respect for it. But I think fear is an inappropriate response.

The Daemon is a curious creature. The Mages call him the demon of all demons. I really think this is a misnomer. I’m not sure demon is the right word. You see, when I use the word Daemon I mean Spirit. I believe The Daemon is a Spirit. One of the Old and Ancient Spirit. The original Spirits which forged creation and to this day maintain the balance of existence.

The Mages say that it is The Daemon’s job to guard The Abyss of Ascension. Or, maybe, The Abyss before Ascension. I don’t know. I know there’s The Daemon, An Abyss, and that on the other side of the two of them is Ascension.

They say The Daemon will project onto you the illusions of your desires. It will lull you into contentment, slowly picking away at your mind. Weakening it, so that it might take it over and destroy it from the inside.

I find this lore to be intriguing. It reminds of the tales of The Kundalini.

They say that if one has an unexpected, sudden, or uncontrolled Kundalini release that one could die, go insane, or reach an elevated level of perception, understanding, and wisdom.

These are the same three possible endings from facing The Daemon. They are the only possible endings. The Daemon will deteriorate your mind into insanity, you will die trying, or you will reach your Goal of Ascension. Once begun, one of these is all that’s left.

For all I know…I’m dead and this shit is my purgatory.

Some may call this all evil. I do not think of it that way. The Daemon is only ever doing what it is meant to do. It is to defend Ascension, in any way and at any cost, so that only the most worthy may pass.

The greatest treasures are guarded by the fiercest beasts.

I do not fear The Daemon. It will hurt you but it does not care that it is hurting you anymore than a rattlesnake cares if it is biting you. It’s nothing personal. It’s just nature.

I also do not fight The Daemon. The Lore says that The Daemon does not like to be fought and scares away easily. I do not believe he [she] scares away at all. I believe The Daemon merely retreats and regroups, deciding how it is going to fuck without next.

They say that Crowley went in and fought the beast and almost lost. [Some say he did lose.]

Do not fight. But this does not mean surrender. It is not a call to passiveness. The best way to face The Daemon is just that – Face him [her] head on. Eye to eye. Be firm and strong but not aggressive. Stand your ground. Be calm and steady. Advance [with caution] as needed and able.

But never fight.

Oh…and it also helps if you don’t believe anything that is right before your eyes.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

No Totems to speak of this week. I mean, I’m sure there were some. But I cannot remember enough of the week to recall what they may have been. [This has been happening to me a lot lately lol.]