S11EP9: Freedomy Snippets of a Series of Randomonius Events

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

BJ & The Bull

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (4)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, October 1, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Determining

Theme – Fantasy vs. Reality

This can be a sensitive topic for me. I think I have always had difficulty seeing that line. I’ve said before, Fellow Travelers, that I have forever had to ‘Make-Believe.’ For so many years, within the confines of Old Geistopia, I had to ‘Make-Believe’ that life was mine. When no one was home and I would do things like clean, I would ‘Make-Believe’ that it was a home of my own and I was caring for it. As I took on business venture after business venture I would ‘Make-Believe’ that I had everything under control and I knew what I was doing. Anytime I go out into public, I ‘Make-Believe’ that I am confident and comfortable. In my idle time my mind would wander and ‘Make-Believe’ all sorts of wonderful things. For almost the whole of my life, ‘Make-Believe’ was the closest thing I had to a real life. Sometimes, this little talent has come in handy – such as The Homestead. I firmly believe that spending 2 months in a home of ‘Make-Believe’ actually helped manifest the home. Sometimes, that blurred line can be a dangerous thing. I once had a therapist tell me that thinking about [fantasizing] blowing up a bus of nuns isn’t bad. Actually doing it is a different matter altogether. My lust for all things life and living can sometimes push me over that line – yet for the experience. Again, sometimes this has been good. My proclivity for the fantastical and whimsical has led me down many a splendorous rabbit hole. But, there is also the consideration that my life itself tends to spend a great deal of time being fantastical itself – what with angels and Daemons and beings of all realms; Visions and traveling over planes and dimensions. How can one know the difference in Fantasy vs. Reality?

Lesson – It All Comes Together

I saw this on a billboard as I drove past. That was at the beginning of the week and it just kind of stuck with me. I remembered it often as I watched my week unfold. I wasn’t sure how the recent changes in my life were going to impact my weeks. I was nervous about even muddling through the first few days of the week. Right from the outset, the stage was set for things to come together. I didn’t know how I was going to do the beginning of my week as I waited for my funds to deposit. I was given enough funds to manage the first few days as I waited. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make my scheduling commitments for the week. Everything came together and I made every moment – at least one by the skin of my teeth. [Or, is that tooth?] If it happened this week then it will happen next. And then again after that and so on into the future. Things may not always come together as one ‘fantasizes’ but, rest assured, Fellow Travelers, It All Comes Together – Precise & Perfectly Placed.

Observation – Transmutation

I may have used this recently. I’m not sure. I just know it has come to mind often. Transmutation is the key. We often think that we must defeat our weaknesses and shortcomings. Nay. Instead we must transmute them into better versions of themselves. Every negative is just the other end of a positive. Black is on the same spectrum as White. Simply opposite ends. The same is true of Dark and Light. Even Wrong and Right. Illness is merely a different level of health. So, we must transmute the energies we have for they are the energies that make us who we are. But we must be sure to keep them at their highest possible vibration.

The Post

This is sort of a strange post for me. There are things I have been thinking about all week for writing out and yet so much of my energies of the week revolve around just one day. Of course, the story of just one day always has backstories from so many days before it.

In a way, I feel like the things I wanted to discuss tie into that one day. There is relation. I just don’t know about direct impact. That leaves me wondering how I can work those things into the storytelling portion of our program.

For a very long time, I have been trying to come to terms with certain aspects of my being – addictions, behaviours, distractions. I have been aware of them. I have been aware that they are askew. At times, they have almost caught up with me and crumbled my life. [They may still.] I have wrestled with my darkness, struggling to bring an end to it, while at the same time delving into it, exploring it, trying to understand it.

I have failed time and time again to stay The Beast. I have come to the conclusion that this is because The Beast is not The Thing. It is the result of The Thing. In fact, I believe it is the result of many things – compiled and compressed.

I wrote recently that I am finding many Themes throughout my life. One such Theme is back problems. At about 14-ish, I slipped a disc in my lower back. Life has never quite been the same since. The problems have taken different forms over the years. When I was at The Job my back would flare up randomly and I would spend days hobbling around. I went through similar days when I was at The big Box [and Theatre] There was a day at The Big Box that I just layed on the floor because I couldn’t move anymore.

But it wasn’t always like that. At other times it was a completely different kind of pain and experience. It would just sort of snap or twist or catch. I’m not sure what the verbology for it might be. But, like, I can remember one time when I was at The Job the First [same company, different franchise many moons ago.] I was putting a basket of fries in the fryer and my back just quit and I dropped to my knees.

A related Theme would be the Sacral Chakra – not the Root, not the Navel, but a spot sitting somewhere in between. I have had issues and imbalances in this region – physically and energetically – for longer than I can really recall. The backside of the Sacral Chakra should be approximately where I slipped my disc. This is also the same spot where the Kundalini came to an abrupt halt That Night I Died.

There are other Themes that I see stretched across the timeline of my life. For instance, insecurities, self-doubt, feelings of lack and failure and inadequacy. As I have recently replayed my life I see how so many moments – more than I can fathom and even some that were good – were steeped in these mindsets. They are the mindsets that eventually cause my self-sabotage. I don’t believe myself to be anything good or worthy so I cannot allow myself to be anything good or worthy.

A similar Theme is a never ending feeling of not belonging anywhere. Only recently have I really come to see how much of my life I spent feeling like I didn’t belong wherever I was. I feel small around other people. I feel awkward and odd. Even in my own space, when other people enter it, I no longer feel like I belong there. I begin to feel powerless.

There is a Theme of Abuse in my life. Mental, emotional, even sometimes physical. Some of it has been self-abuse. Especially, the physical. I have, since a very young age, known how to punish and torture myself. I can remember being at an age younger than my youngest daughter and heating the blades of knives and burning my arms with them because I thought it was what I deserved.

A less bizarre instance of self physical abuse, one that I can at least fake an understanding of, is – at that same point in time – I would whip my back with a belt. There is an order of monks that, I believe, to this day, practices such manners of discipline. So, that, I can at least write off to what seems to be my innate knowledge of spiritual practices throughout the ages.

The knife thing…I got nothin’.

There are Intimacy Themes. They have come as strong as sexual relations and as simple as friendships. I can only let myself get so close to anyone. A lot of this has to do with several of the aforementioned Themes. I will engage with the world, but I will always keep a certain distance.

I never feel right anywhere I go.

Another Theme is this sort of retreating into my mind. I do it whenever I feel uncomfortable. Which, as I’ve stated several times now, is pretty much all the time. I look back on my life and I can’t believe how many times I can find it. I function in the moment but at the same time part of me has gone deep within – hiding. It is how I lose time. It is what creates The Haze.

I just have to wonder what it is I am hiding from.

There are Themes of past life remnants. I went to a healer once who, in the middle of the session, explained that I had been a woman in my last life and my spirit never adjusted to being in a male body. This explained so much. It’s not that I’m trans or gay or bi. [Well maybe bi. I’ve never been attracted to a man but I’m not dead yet either. So who knows.] But, I have always been very effeminate. It also gives some explanation to some of the deeper intimacy issues.

Then there was the Night of The VooDoo – when two souls from the past came to meet once more…and I bore witness. It was so brief and yet so very intense. It took me two weeks, at least, to cypher out enough of the story to understand why it played out the way it did – why it was what it was. Even then, though, I did not realize how much of my own story I had been handed in that moment. In fact, I wouldn’t have my true “Aha!” moment until this week – The Story of The Day in Question.

There are Themes of sexual imbalances. A good part of this is energetic. I produce a great deal of sexual energy. I always have. I can remember one girlfriend [ex at the time] told me that I just oozed sex. I produce more energy than I expel. This has all of my systems completely out of whack. However, some of these imbalances are just very unhealthy sexual encounters. For instance, continuing to sleep with my [ex]wife – sometimes in the back of my van in random parking lots – after we signed the divorce papers. Or, the girlfriend [ex] who had literally abused me and then in our aftermath told her new boyfriend how I hit her [she wasn’t wrong…but that’s a whole different story,] putting my safety in jeopardy, later calling me – while still seeing that boyfriend – and having me come spend the night in her dorm room.

There are other more shameful moments. Like there was this chick who I know I slept with at least once. I think it was more like two or three times. Anyway, I never once saw her face. We were literally always in the dark. [And yes she was a she. I felt all the parts.] Looking back, I’m not even sure what the hell I was thinking or how that even came to be. Or, there was the chick I hooked up with just because I could. Honestly, everything about that experience disgusted me, even then. I actually felt shame in that moment.

With these realizations and revelations comes the question…but fucking why???

Comes the answer – another Theme – a desire to feel alive. I have often said that since my death I have done many things, some even harmful to myself, solely to feel something, to feel like I was alive. I stopped knowing that I exist. So, I would create uncomfortable, awkward, hurtful, shameful experiences just so that I could feel the pain of it all because I couldn’t feel happiness or contentment.

This is not always a bad Theme in my life. Yes, at times, I had my folly of unfortunate experiences, but within them is the core of something greater. I have such a lust for life. Once Upon Ago I would have called it a passion. But it is so much more potent than that. I love everything about be-ing. I love sights and sounds and scents and sensations. I love music and art and sports [believe it or not…in their place.] I love cultures and histories. I love cities and towns and the middle of nowhere. I want to see it all, do it all, know it all before I die.

This lust has been the difficulty in my life. It is why I get restless. It is why I can’t sit still. It is why I flit from this to that – a Matt of all trades and Master of none. It is why Mama and DancingQueen are the only two relationships during which I never cheated. I even cheated on my wife – the one I continued sleeping with after we signed the divorce papers. I have often wondered if it is what kept me at Olde Geistopia for so long. I couldn’t leave because I couldn’t have told you where I wanted to go. I spend my days driving all over The Valley and for a long time, and very often beyond. I have traveled around the country. And, every place I go I think, “I could live here for a bit. Looks like it has interesting things to offer.”

My Quests have never actually satiated this lust. They have only ever fed it enough to allow it to grow. On every trip I have stumbled upon some of the most intriguing, fascinating, beautiful and fucking awesome places and experiences. I have barely scratched the surface of all that is out there. I don’t understand why people leave the country for vacation. I promise y’all, ain’t none of you found all of the beautiful little treasures right here within these 48 continental United States.

The sad part is that every day we pass by these said same treasures in our own towns, communities and regions, and we shrug them off. "Eh, they’re just there.” We just don’t realize how truly special they are. Of course, I didn’t quite get it either until I started Questing about here and there. Sometimes when you find the treasure abroad you can better appreciate the treasures at home.

There is one last Theme that comes up often and that is The Time I Cannot Know. It is a moment, or a series of moments, from long, long ago – in a youth I cannot remember. My spirit is very aware of it, yet my mind refuses to reveal it. I believe it is the piece that holds the whole of the rest of these Themes together.

At this point in my journey of self-exploration, I no longer feel the question is, “What?” I believe the ‘what’ is fairly obvious and evident as I sift through all of these very vague memories. Instead, I think the important question is, “Who?” And, it is the ‘who’ I am seemingly not allowed to know. I think the who will tell me when. Perhaps it will even hint as to how. It may even reveal why. When I have all of these pieces, I believe it will all come together. The key will turn. The lock will click. Then, the story of my be-ing will unfold before us – whole and complete.

I apologize, Fellow Travelers. That went on much longer than I could have anticipated and I do have one more piece of this and that to share before we move on to The Story of The Day in Question.

A few weeks ago I had a reading. It was free and an online/Facebook kinda thing. It brought with it certain degrees of validation, but it also carried with it [what I think is] a great demonstration.

Psychics and readers have very often gotten flack. We’ve been called all sorts of things. In Deuteronomy [and again later under that snake Saul] we are told to avoid such people. [Though in Corinthians we are told something quite different. I digress.] I understand this warning. I do. Even, and especially, as a reader.

There is a thing I like to call, “Right Church, Wrong Pew.”

Something clients [or skeptics] don’t consider, and something readers will never confess, is that we all have our own individual filters – colored and biased by our own experiences and understandings. So, what happens is that the correct information comes through but it becomes skewed into something that seemingly makes no sense at all.

Knowing this makes it easier for me to go to readers. [Which I truly only ever do when inspired for some reason or another.] I am able to refilter their filters. I can catch all of the key phrases and words that actually make sense, sift through the leftover fluff, and put something coherent together.

This reading is one such example.

Her first message was, “I feel like you should be successful already and you’re not.”

Sweetheart, I’ve been thinking that for about 15 years now. [If anyone is curious as to why I am not, please see the above list of Themes.]

So, yes, this statement makes sense. There absolutely should be more to my life than what there is. [And again, I have crossed many treacherous waters in pursuit of whatever it might be. And entered many dark places because I could not find it.]

But, she went on to offer an explanation. [And this is where the filtering begins.]

“Your family placed a curse on you that is keeping you from succeeding. They placed a curse on you at a very young age. It is keeping you from knowing your blessings from that moment.” She had also mentioned the spell earlier saying that it cast a dark spot on my soul.

So much of this is right and yet so much is wrong. There was a spell cast on me some time ago. I am well aware of it and when and who…and even why. [I’m not saying I didn’t deserve it. My darkness had already arrived. Their spell only made it thrive.]

However, it was not a family member that cast the spell. I am the only spellcaster in my family. This is not to say that my family did not influence things. They had a greater impact than they will ever truly know. Their damage was not on purpose, nor was it magickal. In many ways, they have fueled, yay mayhaps even birthed, many of the Themes.

“At a young age.” The Youth I Cannot Know. That moment, or series of moments, that took my blessings from me. That moment could be seen as a dark spell, I suppose.

All the correct pieces are there – individually. Though I can wonder if they do overlap in their own way. As I said, That Moment could be seen as a dark spell. Perhaps it was perpetrated by a family member. Maybe they knew. Or, it’s possible, I just blamed them anyway.

I believe that reading fueled a lot of my most recent revelations. I think, my revelations have brought me to some resolutions. Those resolutions fueled reactions from my be-ing.

I said earlier that I have always felt awkward and out of place – uncomfortable in my be-ing.

“The problem is that you think you’re normal and you’re not,” sayeth The Shaman time and time again.

Oh so often Craze and company would tell me that I wasn’t normal. That my life wasn’t normal. So often it would basically be, “Why can’t you be like everyone else?” Or, “If everyone else thought like you…”

First off, I don’t want anyone else to think like me. In fact, I strongly urge against it. You might think you want some of this, but I promise you that you do not. Remember, there is a give and a take to everything in The Universe.

Secondly, I don’t expect that everyone else could think like me for the same reason that I cannot be like everyone else.

I’m not.

My life is not like others. I don’t have the same moments and experiences that everyone else has, nor have I – in all of my vast travels – ever met anyone that has had my experiences.

And it is now, we can continue on to The Story of The Day in Question. There is one last tidbit you must know first. On Friday, at some point, my left hand began to hurt. I simply assumed I must have done something to it mowing a lawn on Thursday.

The Day in Question was Saturday. This was The Day After the Full Moon. Now, the Moon had left me in a haze and I was not able to get to my soak, so I had decided to do it The Day After. I think, for me, this was truly the focus of my Saturday. I wanted that soak so badly.

Still, I had quite the day ahead of me before I could get to it though. First, I had to work. I was a man on a mission this week. This whole reworking of my financial system has put me in a spin. I’m trying to get by on half my income each day and figure out how to pay my bills without the money being there.

I had moved my rent payment to tomorrow because I don’t get all of the money until Tuesday. Along the way in the week I had to skip two bills. Neither one is truly critical and both can be made up at some time in their own ways. My problem was that I couldn’t quite make the money in time to make the payments.

Now, I did start the week with a rather large payment of cash. It was immediately deposited. The thing is that this money was specifically earmarked for going towards oil. So, I wanted to maintain that money throughout the week. However, I borrowed on it to start the week until my pay deposited.

I did maintain that money through the week. My other Goal was to recoup some of the money that didn’t go out in bills this week. I was kinda shooting for $200. I came up a bit short. [quite a bit.] I think I knew on Saturday that I wouldn’t make it. I chose to see this not as failure, but as a success in it’s own right. I may not have made what I wanted but I did make something. Enough. It is more than I have carried forward this whole year. It is a big step forward even if it did fall short. I will call that a win.

My challenge in the week was that I had events for Sunshine both Saturday and Sunday afternoons. In the end, I had decided to just call my work days and enjoy the events and then come home to do whatever needed to be done.

Before I continue, let me point out that by Saturday morning my left hand was hurting so bad that I was beginning to wonder if I broke/fractured it.

I made fair money on Saturday morning. Just Enough to be satisfied and content. It took me right up until I had to leave for Sunshine’s event. Well, actually I got about 30 mins of downtime first. [And that made me a lil close to schedule.] In fact, that is part of the story.

I thought the parade was in her hometown. Where all the parades have been. I rolled into town and saw cars parked where I thought they should be, but not many of them. The streets were empty. I texted Cuddlebug asking where the parade was. I told her I was at the school. She said they started at the school, they weren’t ending at it. I asked when that becam a thing. They always end at the school.

She said she didn’t know but they were on main street across from a place called The Shop. So, I headed down to Main Street only to find it just as empty as the area by the school. I asked again where they were. In which direction from the school.

“Idk. I don’t really know Fleetwood. We’re on Main Street.”

Fleetwood? FLEETWOOD???

“I’m in Oley!!”

“You still have time to make it.”

So off I set. First a hike back to my car. Then a drive to the other town. They sent me coordinates of where they were. However, they were right on the parade route and I couldn’t park close enough. So, I parked on a side street and started the 3 block walk.

“They’re almost to us. Are you close? If not go more towards the end.”

Suddenly, my body went into full athletic mode and I took off running. I mean, I had proper form and follow through and everything. In that moment I became a short distance runner. I got a whole block and a half before my lighter flew from my breast pocket and I stopped to grab it. This was a slight mistake…maybe.

It was only at this point that I felt it. I had run like a 51 yo smoker should not run and when I stopped it quickly caught up with me. I was afraid I might have a heart attack. I couldn’t breathe. My head was light.

It was just at this moment that the marching band passed through the intersection. I was close enough to hear them and just close enough to see enough. I spotted Sunshine for a brief moment but then got a lil dizzy and just as quickly lost her. Sine then I have wondered if maybe the lighter flying out of my pocket didn’t actually keep me from having a heart attack.

Nonetheless, I made it. I saw them. I heard them. But now my body was in a flurry. My head was spinning. My muscles were burning. It was almost transcendental. Between the revelations of the morning and this I was sure to be jumping planes. You see, most of the Theme stuff all came clear on Saturday morning. I had actually wanted to write it Saturday night it had come so potent.

Sure enough, on the way back to The Homestead I zoned in and out. I had more revelations and insights. It was on this drive that I made that past life connection. I also had an inspiration for a new WTML TikTok. I shared it with Cuddlebug through text and told her I think I lost about a mile of the drive as it opened up and played out before me.

Similarly, I had a movie idea come into my mind. I lost about three miles on that one. The whole thing took an idea I had previously [based loosely on true life events] and sort of tweaked new elements into the story – actually making it more workable.

Whenever I have inspirations such as this, there is a particular friend I will reach out to. I always tell him that he needs to write whatever is in my head. This time; However, he informed me that he is putting creativity behind him. Long story short, he is having an ill relationship with his creativity and it is creating a darkness, a sort of monster in his life.

I fully understand this. In many ways I could relate, what with my recent revelations. Everything he was saying about his moment I could relate with my recent experiences. It was like listening to myself speak – words like monster, addiction, darkness.

I commented that he always comes to mind at the most interesting times. This has happened a lot recently. He will come to mind randomly and I will message him about something and he will tell me about an event that just took place in his life.

“You felt a disturbance in the force.”

“Apparently.”

Needless to say we had an extended dialogue on the matter. I absolutely refuse to accept his choice. He is a creative spirit and creative spirits can’t stop creating anymore than the sun can stop shining or the moon stop reflecting. It is just what they do.

Nonetheless, part of his story was that during the chaos of his moment his wife had gotten injured. She had hurt her hand. They feared it might be broken. She didn’t really want to go get it checked out. I get that. I don’t like to go either. The only reason I went to the emergency room that time I put the drill bit into my hand was because I had a ¼” hole in my hand that wouldn’t stop leaking blood…for hours.

It turns out it was her left hand. The light above my head popped on.

I messaged her and told her that based on what I was experiencing I strongly suggested that she go and get it checked. Then I went and took my soak. My soak was incredible and insightful. I can’t even tell you what all visions I had. [I usually lose them about 60 seconds after getting out.]

But, I did have one that I remembered and wanted to share. I just don't remember it anymore.

After I was out, I took a pic of me pointing to a particular spot on my left hand. I sent it to my friend’s wife with a message that said, “I’m guessing it’s a fracture…right about here.”

“Yup.”

And it was a Yup. She did have it checked out and it was a fracture and a bone fragment in the very area I had pointed out.

And, here I pause. This…this is exactly of what I speak. This is my life as not normal as it can get. If it was not already freaky enough that I randomly thought of a reason to reach out to him at a time when he needed someone to reach out to him, add to it that for a day I was feeling his wife’s injury and I didn’t even know she had one.

Who has that kind of experience? Who can be like, “Oh yeah. Just another day. Par for the course.” Who? Whose life is that but mine?

And, for the record, I know it was her injury I was feeling because as soon as I told her what I thought and to get it checked out my hand started to feel better and by today it was nearly 100 percent ‘healed.’

Today was similar to yesterday in that I didn’t quite get to where I wanted financially but I can live with it. Then I hit my event. It was Sunshine’s 16th birthday. I am certain there are stories to be told – like me texting the mayor to get the power turned back on. But Saturday is the true focus of this week. My only real take away from the party is that my daughter is lost. Both of them really. And I don’t know if I know how to get them back.

The week ahead holds its challenges. Again, I am adjusting to waiting on funds. And, again, I am using the stashed funds to jumpstart my week as far as gas and food needs. I have almost no schedule conflicts for the week. Only a visit to The Mechanic to take a look at the heating system. We’re not working on it. Simply scoping it out for the work that is to come.

The lack of conflicts is good because I have a heavier bill week. In fact, I need to make more each day than I can realistically make. So, once again it will be about how much I can make, how little I can spend, and the creative ways in which I bridge the gaps.

I have several Goals for the week. Financially, my fist Goal is to maintain the $200 for the oil delivery. I have never really been able to hold on to money. There is always something to spend it on and I can always make more. Historically, this philosophy has not really worked out for me. It is one of the reasons that making weekly rent payments as opposed to a lump sum once a month actually works for me.

So, I don’t mind using the money to help keep the current momentum I have reached, as long as at the end of the week, every dollar is still there.

I also now have $130 in funds to be - working myself ahead, or paying the missed bills, or paying some other bills or going towards oil. Whatever comes first and as it comes. But, until it is needed, I also want to maintain as much of that money as I can. In fact, I want to add to it. This is one of the reasons my income budget has gotten so unfathomably high.

I want to add to the ‘available’ funds as well as to the oil fund. Neither is critical at the moment, so it can be done slowly. Hence, each week I have added two $50 Goals to the budget. One towards each fund. In order to find money in the budget for both, I had to cut some personal expenses out of the budget.

The other reason my budget is so high is that my phone bill is due this week – twice. I have been caught in this cycle for several months now. I can’t afford to make the full payment so before the due date I have them set up a two payment plan. The second payment tends to always fall within days of the next full payment due. So, I split it again. And again. And again.

A Goal for this week is to try to break that cycle. By ‘try’ I mean I am completely planning on making both payments in the hopes that I will maintain my momentum and be able to make the full payment on its due date every cycle moving forward.

As for other Goals, I am just striving to keep my momentum with things – bills, finances, tasks, projects. I need to remember what I have realized this week and use it to keep me focused, disciplined, motivated, and committed.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Cricket –[from Spirit-animal.com]

Like the Ladybug and the Dragonfly, Cricket symbolism is a sign of exceptional luck. Furthermore, this spirit animal says that the things that you have been working toward and dreaming about are now possible. Therefore, Cricket meaning directs you to stay open to guidance and messages so that you will know what you have to do. You may be guided to buy a lottery ticket, interview for a new job, or be in the right place at the right time. In other words, Cricket symbolism is letting you know that all things are possible right now. All you have to do is feel that you deserve it! Similar to the Robin and the Whale, people with Cricket totem know how to sing their songs loud and clear! In other words, they love to use the power of their voice to attract what they want in life. These folks also have a gift for finding their way through awkward moments with panache and aplomb. People with this spirit animal are excellent communicators, love to walk their talk and are often vegetarian. In fact, like the Deer totem, they understand the power of music and will usually have a career that uses music as a form of healing.

Crow - The Secret Magic of Creation is Calling

Magic and creation are potentials very much alive during the day. Alchemy. Represents “ingredients,” the initial state of substance - unformed but full of potential. A reminder of what an happen if we are not looking for magic and creation every day. Magic and creation are ‘cawing’ out to us every day. Health, home and respect. Working with crows can help you to see how the winds are going to blow into your life and how to adjust your own life flights. Finding a dead crow was a sign of good luck. Wherever crows are there is magic. Symbols of creation and spiritual strength. Look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are messengers calling to us about the magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us.

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

Dog – Faithfulness and Protection

Different dogs will mean different things. Examine the qualities of your breed and the individual dog. It takes a lot to break a dog’s spirit. It’s ability to love, even when abused, is tremendous. It’s spirit and willingness to love and to be a companion is great. What is this saying about your need for or lack of companionship? Are you being faithful? Are others around you? Are you showing unconditional love, or receiving it? Do you need to be more protective of your territory? Do you need to play a little more? Does your spirit need bolstering? How about those around you? Examine your territories. Dog knows its own home ground.

Eagle - Illumination of Spirit, Healing, and Creation.

Balance of being of the Earth, but not in it. The soul, the spirit, and warmth of life. The resurrection. Punishment and reward. Greater sight and perception. Reflects an awakening ability or the need to learn to walk between worlds. Heroic nobility and divine spirit. The rediscovery of the inner child. Alchemy. Involvement with creativity. A willingness to experience extremes in a controlled condition. A willingness to use your passions to purify and to use your abilities, even if you get scorched a little in the process. The need to stay connected to and use things of the Earth. Important to know when to speak, how much, how strongly. New vision will open. The ability to hear - spiritually and physically - may also increase. Cooperative responsibility. A healing role. Opportunities (even those thought long lost) will arise - learn to see and snatch them up. A new sense of timing and movement will begin to develop Primal force inherent and easily awakened. Take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. Events will now fly faster, repercussions for everything you think, do and say (or fail to) - positive and negative - will be both stronger and quicker. A powerful new dimension to life and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. Touch all of life with healing and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative forces within the world.

Groundhog – Mystery of Death without Dying – Trance - Dreams

The ability to get deep within an area of interest. A time when a new area of study is going to open up. Two years to come to full fruition. Important to give definite signals to the boundaries you wish to have respected in your life. Death without Dying. A time of initiation. A symbol of opening fully to the Dreamtime. Increasing ability to develop lucid dreaming. Clarity and power of altered states will be amplified. Dreams will become more significant. Opportunity to explore deeper states of consciousness. Lessons associated with death and dying. Revelations about its process. Knowledge of metabolic control.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Heron - The Call of The Quest and Travels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dark of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy.

Praying Mantis – The Power of Stillness

Through learning to still the outer mind and go within, we can draw upon great power – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. That stillness can be simple contemplation, meditation, or sleep and dreams. 7 Levels of Silence. Are you letting others know your plans before they are even laid? Are you being indiscriminate in wht you say and to whom? Are you being impatient? Are you needing help meditating and quieting the outer mind? Are you missing opportunities to grasp life’s rewards because you act or speak to hastily?

Snake – Rebirth, Resurrection, Initiation, and Wisdom

Symbol of transformation and healing. Also alchemy and healing. Sexual/creative life force. Kundalini. Compassion, clairvoyance and charm. Lessons of forgiveness, superstitiousness, and possessiveness. Wisdom and understanding. Birth and death. Transmutation. Are you needing to make changes, but aren’t for some reason? Are you trying to force change too quickly. Are you striking out at people and shouldn’t? Are you not striking and should? What is needing to be healed? What opportunities are surfacing that you need to strike out for and take advantage of?