S5EP1: And Away We Go

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, May 1, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Indefatigable

Theme – Just Trust the Process

This is definitely a hard one for me. Which is probably why it keeps coming up. Life happens. We try to remain I. Control of it but, truthfully, we have very little influence over the process. So very often, life does not happen the way we would like or the way we see it happening. Yet, at the end of it all, things work out. I’ve seen it time and time again over the past few weeks. I’ve seen it a lot in the last week. I have been given markers to gauge my way. I have been given reassurances over and over again. But, still, when I haven’t seen things unfolding [even remotely close to] the way I would have liked them to [or felt they needed to] I have gotten panicky – even depressed. Ego would take over and interfere. Now, there is a place for Ego in life. It does have a purpose. But, Ego does not know anything outside of itself, so it is hard for the Ego to just step back and Trust the Process.

Lesson – We Teach Best What We Most Need to Learn [So Practice What You Preach]

This Lesson actually came in the reverse order. It was clear as could be, “Practice what you preach,” and I knew what it was in regards to – everything. I talk all the time about Faith. (After all, Faith is the Lesson of the journey.” ) But, when the time comes, I can struggle with Faith. I talk about how Faith is not about believing that things will work out the way you want, but that they will always work out the way you need. Yet, when I find myself in a predicament [which is often] I end up pushing and struggling to get things to go the way I’d like. I make myself frustrated, even depressed, and in the end I just wear myself down. I speak often of Be Here Now. Still, I am so very often jumping out way ahead of myself – whether it is in hope of a better tomorrow, or just trying to resolve issues that haven’t happened yet but might. I believe in all these things I talk about. I do. And every time I live the opposite I am quickly shown how real they are. So, perhaps, [sooner or later] I will be able to walk the walk without question or fail.

Observation – I’m Conflicted

I won’t say much on this right now. I’m pretty sure it will be discussed in great detail in the post. I am torn in two over almost everything – my life, my place in the world, my thoughts, my feelings. There are two side to every coin and I see both sides in every area of my existence. Everyday, it is merely a flip of the coin that determines where my thoughts may be focused.

The Post

Wow, what a week. It felt intense. So intense, in fact that I’m not even sure that I can recall enough of it to share with you. Sometimes I wish I could sit down on a Sunday and not start the post that way. The week was so intense that I cannot actually remember most of the days. I have had to open my calendar just to try to get a guess of an idea. I mean, it all seemed to start so mellow and ordinary and by today I find myself short-circuited and fried. I can remember moments, but not when they were exactly. I can remember feelings and thoughts but not the order in which they came or what caused them.

As I said in The Trinity, I am Conflicted. I am conflicted about everything, so where do I begin?

I am conflicted about my life. I do not know that I will ever understand the path that I have been on. From one perspective, my life is fairly meaningless and pathetic. I don’t seem to actually do anything except bounce from here to there. I am riddled with poverty. Sooner or later, I always seem to find myself in conflict or chaos. I get frustrated at this.

Yet, from another perspective, my life has been abundant and rich in so many ways. I have had so many very unique experiences and adventures. There is no amount of money that could have bought any one of them. Plus, somehow, someway, I always seem to have what I need [even if I don’t always to have what I want.] No matter how chaotic things get, no matter how much I lose along the way, I always seem to find myself in a new, and seemingly better, place – rebuilding and reclaiming. Though I never seem to stay in one place, or do any one thing, for long, I always seem to be exactly where I need to be, doing what needs to be done.

I’m conflicted over who I am. I believe I strive to be a good person, but I so very often falter and fail. [Or, at least, I feel I do.] I certainly have plenty of darkness and shadows in my past. [More than I will probably ever reveal.] I have Faith but I falter in it. I enjoy the things I do but I never feel like they matter. I don’t feel like I am actually good at doing anything. Still, I try to be confident in all I do. Often, I think of myself as strong. When I think of all I have endured and suffered – physically and spiritually – I do feel as though I have been strong. But, when I think of how many times I have broken, how many times I have needed help [in particularly financially] I feel very weak.

I find myself conflicted with The Theatre. It’s not a place I want to be, yet I find myself there and unable to leave. It’s not that I really dislike it. I mean it isn’t a horrible job, nor are they bad people to work for. It’s not necessarily hard work. But I can’t really make a living there. I don’t enjoy the regular commitment of hours – meaning the same days/times every week. I can’t see myself as able to build a life working there. And there are times it feels as though it does suck the soul out of me. Still, I don’t hate it and sometimes it seems so natural, or right, to be there.

I am conflicted over my thoughts of the past – sometimes regretting every moment and other times blessing each for what it was. And I am conflicted over my visions of the future – one that I can imagine but can’t conceive and one that I can conceive but can’t bear to face.

Everywhere I turn in my life I can see both good and bad. It leaves me feeling lost and without direction. More often than not I do not know what it is I am living for – what I am striving for. I’ve had plans all along and they all go awry, yet nothing ever seems to really leave my life. The thoughts [plans] and activities may take a hiatus, but they always seem to come back around when I least expect it.

So, what has the week been?

Like I said, I can’t remember a great deal of it. A good part of the week was spent trying to reorganize and clean up for the new roomies to arrive. I needed to get as much of my stuff as I could into the small bedroom so that they could have the main space and I could still function. Of course, I also gave The Nest a good cleaning.

I did get to The College one day. May have been Wednesday. Could have been Thursday. I wasn’t there terribly long. A few hours to do the job I had in mind. I really don’t like having to take the bus everywhere. It leaves me feeling so limited and restricted in time.

Friday was a slightly busier day. This was ‘moving day.’ Anything that didn’t need to stay at The Nest needed to get back to The Cave. This had me active and busy all morning. It wasn’t just the move. Spooky Queen was going to help me with the move but then her son fell ill and she wasn’t able to do so. I had found a replacement, but he messaged me that morning to let me know he had been in a car accident and wouldn’t be able to help anymore. [Yes, he was ok. “Just a little sore,” he said.] I reached out to the Facebook community and asked if there was anyone that could assist. It was only moments before I got a response.

So, my friend came over and we loaded everything into his car. Off to The Cave we went to unload and then I popped over to The Putter’s for a quick Safety Meeting with The Professor. He brought me home and then I had a few hours before I had to make my way to The Theatre for work.

Saturday there was more work and even today for a bit.

Somewhere in the week I definitely hit a bout of depression. Sometimes, I just reach a point where I can’t deal with it all anymore. I won’t lie. I may have prayed for death. It’s not so much that I want to die, but more that I don’t understand why to live. I can’t do suicide. We know this. I’ve failed at that much like I have failed at everything. So instead, I pray to just not wake up. I have done this from time to time for many years – starting younger than you care to know. [Let’s not make a ‘thing’ of this. It is what it is and I am still here. So, moving on…]

On the upside of things, I have accumulated enough funds to actually try and get a vehicle now. In the grand scheme of things, it is not much to work with, but it is Just Enough to do something. I don’t know if I can find a van at that price. I don’t know if I can find anything reliable enough for work at that price. [Because that price has to cover all costs involved in buying the vehicle.]

So, on one hand, I am very happy about this. On the other hand, it depresses me a bit that I went from being able to finance a vehicle in December 2020 to not even getting anyone to consider it now. One would think that having made those payments for over a year I would be in better shape to get financing now. [And at one point I wasn’t even trying to finance as much as I did in 2020.] That’s the kind of thing that can be frustrating and defeating.

Saturday was the New Moon, and I was feeling it something fierce. I just couldn’t get myself quite right. If I hadn’t known it was the New Moon I would have been quite concerned. I mean, Friday was sort of the peak of my depressive state. On Saturday, I was still lingering in that space. But then something happened on my walk to The Theatre.

Saturday was not only the New Moon, but it was also the Day Before Beltane. It had almost slipped by me. I have been so distracted by the crazy of my life recently that it didn’t even cross my mind until sometime randomly on Saturday. Beltane is usually one of my favorite Holi-Days mainly because the energies are so much fun. So, it surprises me that I almost missed it. It was on my walk to The Theatre that these energies really made themselves known.

The following little bit of my day is one of those experiences that happen to me, and it is hard to share them with other people. They are rare and unique. To someone else, I imagine they seem almost delusional. But, for me, they become more and more real.

I was on my way to The Theatre, just walking along listening to the music in my earbuds. It was an upbeat playlist – something I found on Spotify that was curated for walking. Suddenly, I felt very different. My energy was different. I giggled a bit. Before I knew it, I was dancing down the street. [Despite the fact that my body has no real rhythm.] I knew right away what had happened, and I acknowledged it. Someone had taken over my body. The question was who.

It didn’t take long to come up with an answer as I be-bopped my way down the sidewalk. The first name that crossed my mind was Freya. “Interesting,” I thought. But the energies seemed different to me. I thought how they were playful, almost youthful. Honestly, they seemed more like Persephone to me. But, Persephone’s time had come and gone. If she were to visit, it would have been several weeks ago. I decided to shrug it all off and just enjoy the experience. In total it lasted about an hour. It was fun and free-ing and I found my spirit uplifted. After I had arrived at The Theatre, I decided to do a quick search and, sure enough, Freya is a Beltane goddess.

The truth is, I know very little about the Divine Beings. Mostly, I am just familiar with names. Yet, they seem to visit me often. [Or, at least, often enough.] You may recall, Fellow Travelers, the visit from Apollo after The Whoodoo Tour last year. Or, the year before when Triton came to play at the beach. Horus has come in a dream. Ganesha was the first in Flagstaff so very long ago. As I said, I don’t ever know much about them when they come, but, afterwards, when I do the research I learn that their timing is always appropriate.

The Pillar has, many times in the past, said to me, “The problem is you think you’re normal and you’re not.” I’ve never really understood what he has meant by this. I mean, it has become fairly obvious that there is some truth to it. Every time I work towards living a ‘normal’ life things go so terribly wrong. And these types of experiences are just prime examples. They certainly don’t happen to everyone. They may not happen to anyone. But, for me, they are as real as any other experience of my day. They happen. They are accurate in their timing. Then life goes on. It’s as natural as the sun rising and setting.

But this was not the end of my Saturday. After the Freya energy wore off, while I was still feeling up and energetic, there would be one more thing to round out the day. [Now, it’s important to understand that this was the first time in a few days that I had been feeling positive and happy.] I got myself settled into my shift, brushed off my little experience and helped myself to some garlic bread – just as I do every night.

I headed back to my dish room and took a bite. Then I felt it in my mouth. Something hard. Something I couldn’t quite chew. It took a moment [and only a moment] for me to figure out what it was. Another tooth had broken – one right in the front of my mouth.

Now, it was frustrating enough when I found a new hole in a tooth a few weeks ago. Then about a week prior to this I had some enamel chip off of another. Again, it was frustrating but I tried not to think about it. But this? This I couldn’t ignore.

Again, I get it. Years of neglect. Years without affording a dentist. A family history of gum disease. It happens. What frustrates me is that I have yet to be able to find a way to make it different. I am 0 for 3 on that.

I try not to make it about ego. I mean really…who am I trying to impress? Still it makes it difficult and uncomfortable to talk to people, to smile, to laugh. This sucks when you are person who likes to talk, smile and laugh. But, you learn ways to try to hide it. You tighten your lips. You learn to make sounds and words without having to open your mouth too much. You tilt your head this way or that. You know it doesn’t really do anything, but you can at least pretend in your head that it does.

But it’s not all the ego-oriented stuff. There is a great deal of discomfort that comes with it. For instance, you can feel it rubbing against the inside of your mouth or lips or whatever it touches until it wears itself down enough. Plus, and people may not realize this, your body reacts to it. It’s a threat to the body – an injury. So all the systems activate to counter it. I don’t know how it works but I do know how I feel each time it happens. For instance, something in the sinuses goes into overdrive. I can feel them get so tight and clogged. My head gets a little clouded. Even the heart races a little bit.

According to Louise L. Hays’ You can Heal Your Body, Teeth represent decisions. In particularly, Tooth Problems – Longstanding indecisiveness. Inability to breakdown ideas for analysis and decisions. (I make my decisions on the principles of truth, and I rest securely knowing that only right action is taking place in my life.)

So, that was Saturday. I can’t say that Sunday was any better.

Today, I got up and straightened The Nest. I tidied up and saged. I was trying to make it ready to receive its new occupants. In the afternoon, I had to go into The Theatre and strike the set. I also set myself up to start building the new one. The Lil Boss and I then met the first of the two actresses moving into The Nest.

After she got the first one settled in, she went to pick the second one up at the airport. Meanwhile, number one got her stuff into The Nest [and the big bedroom] then went to park her car.

Lil Boss returned with actress number two and I asked if she had seen number one because she had been gone for quite some time. In fact, I was just ready to head down the steps to go walk the streets and see if I could find her. Turns out she did get herself way off track. So far, in fact, that I would have never found her walking the streets myself. We got her back on course and when she returned, Lil Boss gave them both the obligatory rundown of things – trash, internet, brief idea of where things are located around the blocks.

After Lil Boss left, I gave the girls a little more insight and told them I would get pizza for us. The girls then went off to unpack and settle in. Number One came out a few minutes later and said she was running to her car for her phone charger. Once again, she was gone quite a while. In fact, the pizza arrived while she was gone.

When Number One finally came back, she informed us that she had been out talking on the phone with Lil Boss. Apparently, she has severe asthma and there was some scent in the air of The Nest that was bothering her. Now I don’t really know anything about anything but it must be a high sensitivity. I mean, I hadn’t lit any candles or burned any incense for most of the day. I had saged earlier in the morning. Why wouldn’t I? It was a day of transition. Not to mention, it was also Beltane. Anyway, she has family in the region and so she decided she was going to stay with them. She did stay and have some pizza. Then I helped her carry her bags down and she was gone.

This left me and Number Two. I had already explained to both girls that I was going to keep to my room and stay out of their way. However, Number Two said she was just going to go back to her room and unwind. I get that. She had driven home last night from her college and then was on a flight this morning. I told her that if she was going to be in her room then I would hang in the living room for a bit. I even told her that I was going to make my hot chocolate a little later.

And…that’s where we are at…for now.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Honestly, the Totems have been the same for a few weeks now. So, I just need to take some time to study them closer.