S7EP1: A Whole New World

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Wednesday, August 10, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Recounting

**I do not have entries for The Trinity this time around.**

The Post

So, here we are. A whole new post in a whole new season.

I am not sure what to write. I’m not even certain, at the moment, that I know how to write.

Time is a funny thing – how it keeps marching on. It is irreplaceable and inexorable. Try as one might it cannot be stopped. And, if you miss but a moment it is gone forever. The past is cemented and the future like clay waiting to be molded.

Today is The Day Before. It is The Day Before my Re-Birthday. It is not just any ordinary Re-Birthday. No, no, Fellow Travelers. This is that ‘big’ one. The special one. The one we all seem to revel in, Ho our, and celebrate as if it is some major turning point.

It’s the Five-Oh.

WALT: The Cops?!?

JOHNNY: Walter, please.

And this, Fellow Travelers, is why I have very few serious moments.

Fifty.

Fifty years.

A half century lived and over half a lifetime passed.

I do not know what I think, nor how I feel. What does it mean to me?

I do not know if we realize it but 50 years is truly a long time. I look back at only the last 10 and see a pattern of constant changes and shifts. I have lived so many lives in only 10 years. Imagine how many I have lived in 50.

I spent the first 25 years of my life trying to find and understand myself. Then, in the next 25, I tried so hard to be me that I got lost somewhere along the way.

It certainly hasn’t been a life one would dream about in youth. [Or, has it?] If you had asked me at 10, or 20, or 30 years old where I saw myself at 50, my answer would not have been, “living in my car.”

At 10, I do not know what I would have told you I saw for my future. I cannot remember 10. [Truthfully, I cannot remember much before 14.] Still, I imagine I would have answered with the typical and the commonplace – a husband, a father, perhaps even a grandfather; living in a house and working some remarkable, yet ideal, job.

At 20, I was already divorced. So, being a husband and a father seemed no longer a thought. I was transitioning out of Food Service – which I had considered a career path for a long time – and into retail. I do not know that I had a career path in mind, but I was heavy into theatre at the time and saw myself pursuing [and succeeding] at that.

By 30, life had changed so very much. My life had become odd and other-worldly. It is the time that created the me you know now.

Parts of it seemed normal enough. I was still engaged in theatre. In fact, it was around 30 that JustUs Productions took its first breath. Quite a big breath actually. Also it’s final. There were some self-created musical revues, several events and benefits, a few children’s parties and even a large main stage production. And then…it was done. A kingdom laid waste by greed and jealousy and ego. But, perhaps that is a story for a mother time – how it came and how it went.

By 30 I had rediscovered Divinity and Spirituality. By 30 I was ordained. It was not your typical ordination. Nor was it one that many respect. But, it was one that I took very seriously. Perhaps, some days, too seriously. So, if at 30 you had asked me where I saw myself at 50, that would have been in the mix somewhere.

30 saw the first glimpse of The Rabbit Hole. The foundation was laid. The idea was there. The base of it has not changed – the purpose not modified – but it is different than before. It has grown into something bigger and better. Like a fine wine – 20 years to ferment.

By 30 I had died once already. [Though if I am being honest, I suspect to have been twice.] For all intents and purposes we are deeming it a Spiritual Death. Though I promise you, Fellow travelers, if even for just a moment [for a moment is all I can recall] my physical self had died as well. I saw the other side…and it wasn’t Heaven is for Real. But, it did make me believe in it all so much more.

And, when I returned to this world, I found myself standing there fulfilling a prophecy from only a few weeks prior.

Life…had just gotten…very…different.

Now here we are on the cusp of 50.

Oh, I know what you are thinking. “But, what about 40? You skipped right over it.”

Well…at 40 I was ‘Re-Discovering’ myself. There was a ‘Tour’ and everything. [Another story for another time.]

I have lost a lot over the past 20 years. I mean, obviously. I’m living in my car. This is the whole of my existence from morning until night, 7 days a week. I live in my car and work out of it. I have seen and suffered much loss – careers, businesses, friends, lovers, even hopes and dreams. Some would say that the fault is my own. I wouldn’t disagree with them entirely. I certainly did play a part. Choices were made. We all make them…and sometime we regret them.

Now, I try not to dabble in trifles such as regret. It is wasted energy. Why regret what we can not change. Now, remorse, remorse is something different. I cannot regret my choices, for they were mine and they led me to where I am. But, often [more often than I’d care to admit] I think of my choices and ache for any pain or harm they may have caused.

As I said, I do not regret what has been for it has brought me to where I am. It was what it was. But, one slight change, one different choice, and everything would be so very different right now.

You might find yourself thinking, “You live in your car, wouldn’t you want it to be different?”

Nyet.

Nein.

Not even a bit.

It is true that I have lost so very much. But, I have also gained much in return.

Now, I could be trite and tell you how I gained myself through all of this. It does ring true, but it is still old hat. Of course, I have found a truer sense of myself. If life doesn’t do that for you then you are living it wrong. The thing is I had to lose myself first. Every bit of me. It happened slowly, over time. A quarter life of experiences – both good and bad – chiseling and chipping away at the marble of my soul. The pieces left strewn about here and there.

Also, over time, I have been able to recollect some of these pieces, gathering them together and reassembling them the best I could with the mortar of newfound wisdoms, until I had a whole new creation.

I know who I am despite of what anyone may think of me.

I could tout that I gained experience. Oh, so much experience. A lot of it so very mundane. Yet, some of it so extraordinary that it borders on unbelievable. [Even to me…and I lived it.]

I could lay claim to gaining Faith. Though, truthfully I always had it. I just never understood it. Faith is such a funny and fickle friend. But, it has given me the key to its secret. Faith has shown me that, no matter what we feel or think at the time, every moment, every experience – for better or worse – is Precise and Perfectly Placed. We generally do not see that at the time, but one day we will gaze upon the past and it will be so painfully clear. Faith is not about life being what we want, but, instead, what we need.

Good, Bad, or Indifferent.

But, nay, none of these holds importance to the greatest thing I gained – The Princesses.

The Putter often likes to wax sentimental about DancingQueen. “She was the best thing that ever happened to you and you shouldn’t have let her go.”

“True. But then I wouldn’t have my daughters.”

[I say the same thing about Annie. Annie was JustUs Productions first, and only, major production. Had it been the success I had envisioned I never would have known my daughters. Life would have gone in a very different direction. It was the failure of JustUs Productions that led me to their mother.]

They are my everything. It’s more than just parental. They have been teachers and guides and inspirations. They have been instrumental in reforging myself. Without them I wouldn’t be half the man I am today. I know this because I wasn’t before them. I love everyone I have met, but they are truly two of the most extraordinary beings I have ever encountered.

If I achieve nothing else in life at least I have had them.

The truth is – speaking of my stories of The Unbelievable – I had met my daughters once. Long before they were born. Long before I even met their mother. They visited The Room once, as so many did at the time. So, I thought very little of the two spirits bouncing and giggling their way about. I knew what they were. I just did not realize who they were. In fact, I wouldn’t realize until about two years ago when that moment randomly flashed through my mind and suddenly it all clicked.

But, so what? What does all this mean at the precipice of 50?

I do not know, Fellow Travelers. I just simply do not know.

For many weeks now life has been a frenzy of activity and energy. So much in fact that at times I found it overwhelming. Often, I thought of quitting – simply giving up. Some days I tire of trying. I do not even know what I am striving for any longer.

At 50, we should be looking towards the end of our lives – the rest and the relaxation. I am just starting out. For the first time in these past few months I have found myself feeling capable and alive. But, with that, comes the realization that I am trying to makeup for 25 years of chaos and disorder.

When I should be considering downsizing my home, I am only looking for my first.

When I should be looking towards retirement I am still trying to find a job.

And, when I should be celebrating years of wedded bliss – past and yet to come – I am…well, let’s just say that after 14 years alone, the notion of Love seems more a fairytale than anything else.

Every time I have thought of just throwing in the towel, or even just felt myself getting frustrated and disgruntled, The Voice would speak up, “It is almost over.”

I do not know what the means but I have been able to gauge its accuracy. It only makes sense. I have said it before. I have a tendency to quit before the end. [I almost dropped out of high school mere weeks before graduation] I use this realization as motivation. The more I feel like quitting the more important it is that I keep on keeping on.

Resolution is near, I suppose. First, marked by my Re-birthday. So many things have come down to “do not do/say anything until after the Re-birthday.” So, I have been patiently awaiting it and now it is here.

There are no celebrations or parties planned. It will come and go as plain as any other day.

A milestone not marked.

But it matters not for I will live it and I will live it the best that I can.

Now that I have finished that discourse, Fellow Travelers, let me tell you where we are at and – to the best of my understanding – where we are going.

Tomorrow is The Re-Birthday. That makes this The Day Before..and it has been so very true to form.

I have been struggling all day. I find no surprise in this. In fact, I damn well should have expected it. Whether it precedes a moon, or a holi-day, or even just a re-birthday The Day Before always brings with it a flux in energy that seems to set things off course. [‘Seems’ is the operative word.]

My plans for today were simple – work and make some money. The Princesses and I are taking a getaway this weekend and I’m still trying to fund it. I woke up in a haze. A very bad one. I just could not get my systems functioning properly. I knew the haze. It was familiar and it did not take me long to acknowledge that it was indeed a Day Before.

Still, I set out to work as I had planned. It was a shitty day. The fares just weren’t there – too far to travel, not enough pay, or even just snags along the way that slowed me down or had me cancelling fares altogether. About mid-lunch I finally gave up.

This was not about quitting, but about re-focusing. I know the system well and when it becomes that defunct it means my energies are required elsewhere. In this instance, it was the writing. The thought of it was nagging at me all morning long. And, of course, the timing of it must be precise. I know it seems odd to stop working when you are trying to make money, but I know it was what had to be done. [Though I do not know why.]

The Voice reminded me several times, “You must trust and have Faith.”

The Father knows what you need before you need it.

Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow shall take care of itself.

Know thyself and the world shall surely know you.

Do not worry, Fellow Travelers. I was offered a possible reprieve from any possible setbacks or suffering. I just won’t know until the morning how sincere that offer was.

Nonetheless, I am completing this writing. I will do nothing else today until it is finished. As I watch the minutes tick away, I realize I probably wont do much more working today. So, when I am done I will get dinner, and go sit somewhere to work on another writing that has been worming its way through my mind.

After that I will try to just relax and enjoy.

Tomorrow I will get up and face the day. Work is planned. Also, I must start to tweak my life towards our Getaway. I have to empty and clean The Little Red Rocket. I need to laundry so I have clothes to pack. I need to analyze and adjust my funds.

Friday, will be much of the same – tweaking and working.

WALT: Sooo…Tworking.

Stop it.

Saturday morning The Princesses and I set off on our last summer adventure. I do not know what time we are leaving. That voice is theirs. Although the last time I gave them the choice we left at 0200. [I’m OK if it happens again.]

We have three days and two nights for fun in the sun at the beach. In true Geistopia fashion we are striving for as many different experiences as we can manage.

We have a plan.

When we return it is life back to normal – for an in foreseeable amount of time. Or is it?

You know I work with markers – moments in time foreshadowed and prophecied.

My Re-birthday was one.

The next is August 26th. Of course, I have no idea what that means or what is in store.

Several nights ago, I received a new one. September 13th – which was later validated. Again, I know not what lies head. But, in my strife and struggle and moments of confusion at least I have buoys to guide my sanity.

There is change afloat and, someday, somewhere on the other side of it we will catch up.

In the meantime, I plan on just living and loving it. Or, as I like to say, “Livin’, Lovin’, and Lovin’ Livin’.”

Because life is such an amazing gift – win, lose, or draw.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.