S7EP6: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, September 11, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Re-kindling

Theme – One Single Solitary Step

*sings* One step at a time. One single solitary step.

This may strike you as being related to the title of this post, Fellow Travelers. It is not. It is more akin to Each as it Comes or Precise & Perfectly Placed. Life happens just one step at a time. With all of the hustle and bustle of everyday living – the jobs and appointments and children and commitments and on and on – it can be challenging to grasp that. But, it is just that simple.

Life happens only one step at a time.

We may juggle oh so many things at once, but each of those things only grows one step at a time. Every project ever completed has been done only one step at a time.

Another correlation to all of this is the notion that there is a season for everything. Each as it Comes. To everything turn, turn. Life Works in Cycles & Rhythms. We must accept and endure the ebb and flow of life – Each as it Comes.

We must move through them one step at a time – One Single, Solitary Step.

Lesson – Sometimes Just Enough is Enough

This has been a hard Lesson to learn. One would think with all the years I spent not ever having nearly enough that this notion would be easy to accept. But, that’s just it. I suffered decades of lack. I generated little to no income at all. It didn’t matter how much I planned and budgeted and balanced. There just wasn’t ever enough to be able to do anything. There were times when I could barely pay bills.

So, this newfound income potential has been quite intoxicating. Over the past few months, I have generated enough income to get myself balanced out. For example, the lingering garage bill from The Vantasm. [And that is only one example.] Not only that, but the girls and I have had a host of time and adventures together. We had the equivalent of a two week vacation – spread out over a series of brief visits. We played mini golf – twice. Had dinners – both out and delivered. We have had day trips and escapes to the beach.

After all of that, how could one not desire that all the time? There is nothing wrong with that desire, nor the pursuit thereof. But, sometimes, Just Enough is all you need. This is what I have been facing the past several weeks. Try as I might, I have only ever had Just Enough. I have been scraping by and surviving on equal parts of effort and luck. Each day I managed Just Enough to get to the net day. To take that next solitary step.

Only ever Just Enough…and it has always been enough.

And that’s OK.

Observation – A Little Belief is Just as Potent as a Lot of Belief

Ya wouldn’t think it. It doesn’t quite make sense. After all, we are a ‘more bang for your buck’ kinda society. Bigger is always better.

WALT: That’s what she said.

Knock it off! Anyway…

The thing is – Faith and Belief are like weeds. All they need is a slight crack in the foundation. That’s it. One tiny sliver of suitable ground is all they need to take root. And, once they take root, they grow and spread at an exponential rate.

So, it matters not if you have doubts. It matters not if your doubts far outweigh anything else. If you can truly believe for even a fraction of a second don’t ever stop believing. Even if you are only believing at brief and scattered moments. That’s OK. All it takes is that minute sliver of time to allow Belief to grow strong and let the miracles happen.

The Post

Thursday, August 8, 2022

Greetings and Good Morrow, Fellow Travelers. Allow me to set the scene.

I am sitting at the kitchen table at The Original Brother John’s. The lighting is dim as candles flicker here and there. I have been snacking on a small plate of freshly baked cornbread muffins. [Pillsbury. Nothing Special.] Sipping on a fresh, hot pot of coffee which has just a tease of cinnamon. To round out the groove, I am listening to the Chill channel on my SiriusXM app.

Outside, it is the most perfect mid-autumn’s nigh’. Oh, I know. You’re going to tell me that it’s not fall yet. The Equinox hasn’t come. Let’s not get into all of that at the moment, Fellow Travelers. For now, just humor me.

It is the most perfect mid-autumn’s nigh’. The air is crisp and chilled. It is not merely cool, nor is it flat out cold. It is simply…comfortable. The air is fresh, calm, and soothing. In the sky rises a near complete Full Moon. The Harvest Moon to be precise. Chasing behind it is what I can only imagine is Venus – The Morningstar. [Actually, it was Jupiter.] Meanwhile, the melodies of the crickets and other various insects ring through the night.

Tonight, I am, for the first time in a very long time, throwing caution to the wind. I am putting aside all practicality and rational streams of thought. I am looking beyond the perceptible state of affairs of my life as I commit and devote myself to writing.

I do not know the story I am telling. I only know that now is its time to be told.

That being said…let us begin.

For a long time, I said that it seemed as though my life was always working with one step forward and two steps back. Time and time again, I would make just the slightest of progress and then, in what seemed a mere blink of the eye, I would find myself further behind than when I had begun.

It just seemed that every time I had established some sort of foundation of promise and hope in my life, there would be some random and slightly catastrophic event to offset it all – prison, The Cave-In, homelessness, even something like The Re-Discovery Tour. I could only ever get so far in life and then some force of The Universe would decide to go ahead and hit the reset button.

One step forward and two steps back.

For over a year now, I can honestly say I have been experiencing the opposite and proper side of that. Things truly have been moving two steps forward and one step back. We can use The Whoodoo Tour as a starting point. That was truly a Void – a time of In-Betweens.

I was taking action and making choices that I believed would move my life forward. [Which happened in its own right.] But, at the same time, I was taking a step back because I had to put it all on the line. Every cent I had or could make along the way went into that journey, and, in the end, I still needed aid and assistance to make my way home. In just one month [ a mere blink of an eye in the vastness of a lifetime] I took both two steps forward and one step back.

I returned rejuvenated and inspired. I felt better about life in spite of all the financial and mechanical issues I found myself facing. Before long I found my little niche in the food delivery industry. In almost no time at all I was generating more income at a steadier and more consistent rate than I had ever before.

Two steps forward.

I felt balanced and in control, so I decided to diversify. I went back to The Theatre and stayed several months. Though it had several advantages, financially it ended up being one step back for me.

As I maneuvered my way along, I found myself in The Nest. I had a home base. I was able to do things which I haven’t in so long. I began to rediscover myself. Then the accident happened.

Two steps forward, one step back.

After much plotting and plodding and pleading [in other words I received a great deal of assistance] I was able to wrangle myself into The Rocket. I was back in action and right out of the gate it was going strong.

Two steps forward.

Yet, for the past several weeks I just have not been able to maintain the same groove I was managing prior to The Getaway. It has been no one particular thing getting in my way, but, instead, a combination of so many. There have been slow business days, and down time due to mechanical work, and times of illness, and random interferences and distractions, and, yes, even the occasional bout with lack of motivation. I am no longer advancing. I am merely surviving – just barely.

One step back.

This has been extremely frustrating. Do not misunderstand me. I am very grateful that I have been able to get by. I recognize the blessing. But this was supposed to be my time for getting ahead. [In my mind anyway.] I was caught up and ready to start anew. I was going to keep making the bank and start putting some aside, or using it towards the Goal of a home, or perhaps even making some small investments. Whatever the choice I would make, I was looking forward to the possibility of actually building towards a future instead of repairing the past.

Thus far, I have not had that opportunity.

I must accept it. It is What it is. To everything there is a season. There is a time for abundance and growth. Likewise, there must come the passing of recession and stagnation. It is not a punishment, nor a mishap, nor even a downfall. It is merely a step in the process. One Single Solitary Step along The Journey of Being.

Honestly, it all couldn’t have come at a better time. I mean, seriously, Thank G-d.

The Blessed Curse.

Thank G-d it is happening now when I have The Original Brother John’s available to me. Without it I would be royally screwed at the moment. Not only have I been able to save a good deal of money on food and coffee but I find that I am more centered with a place to which I can return and recharge.

I am eating better. I am sleeping better. Overall, I am taking better care of myself. I am easily falling back into routines and patterns. Each day I find just a little bit more of myself. I am recovering my daily routines. Managing a ‘household.’ Planting seeds for the future. Practicing the ART of existing minimally and in as little space as possible.

I’ve always had to do this. A whole life crammed in a bedroom, in a shed, in a vehicle. I am always striving to live and to thrive no matter what space I am crammed into.

It’s an awkward balance. I appreciate that Brother John has been so open and inviting and is allowing me, almost inviting at times, to settle a bit. But at the same time, I want to settle without becoming presumptuous and overbearing. I do not want to overstay my welcome.

When he was here last night he chuckled a bit and commented on my living room set up. As I said, they left a TV behind and I have it hooked up for streaming. So, along one wall – shoved to the corner – I have the air mattress. At the head of it I placed a small end table and then my folding seat. It is all compact and concise.

Friday, September 9, 2022

[I went as late as I could last night and then just had to stop.]

Anyway, the kitchen is the same way. There was a small corner of counter space available by the stove and an empty cabinet above it. That is where I have put all of my stuff. It is all the space I need.

Seeing my life like this – all compartmentalized and organized – opens my eyes a bit. Some part of my life is definitely ready for a home. I look at what I have here and I may not have much but I have Just Enough to start out in a home. I have some tables and chairs – none of them ‘proper’ all of them practical. I have two pots and a pan, a coffee maker and a toaster. I have what I need to get by.

It's not just that. It’s other little things such as the free Costco Membership I earned. I don’t need it now – other than gasoline – but when I have a home I am ready for it.

As I keep stressing I am trying not to take advantage of their generosity, while at the same time taking advantage of the opportunity. I have had the chance, once again, to re-organize and re-pack all of my stuff. In fact, I switched out ‘wardrobe’ bags. I have been thinking about it for some time now and just never took the first step. Now, I could. I also got the ‘Travel kit’ redone. I have The Rocket empty which means I can give it a good cleaning – which it has been needing.

Saturday, September 10, 2022

[Time moved on as it always seems to do.]

OK. So, here it is, Saturday night. Today was The Full Moon. It was in the earlier hours of the morning. Which means I have been acknowledging it, and under its influence, since Thursday evening – and will continue through tomorrow evening.

To be honest, most of the time between Thursday and now is a blur. It is vague and hazy. Thursday was a strange day. Cuddlebug had an outpatient procedure at the hospital. Not only did she ask me if I was coming but she also needed someone to give The Boy a ride. [His regular nickname is Stringbean. But, for the purposes of storytelling, I think I like The Boy.]

So, I didn’t work that morning. I had to get him too early. In fact, I had to get him during morning rush hour – something I did not enjoy at all. I made that drive. I made that drive many times. Every morning for a year and a half when I worked for The Big Brother of the Corporate World.

I don’t know if I could do it now.

I…I just have come to loathe highway driving. I’ll do it when I have to but I will also avoid it when I can. We didn’t use one major highway all the way down to the beach. We touched on some on the way back. But only because we stopped to see my grandmother on the way home.

I love to drive. I hate traffic.

Anyway, I got all hung up just on the way to get him. First, there was the routine traffic slow down between exit C and exit F. That was too be expected though it seemed extra heavy. Then there was an accident on the other side of the highway. That had traffic moving in that direction at a complete stop. So, naturally, it also brought the East bound traffic to a crawl as well. Why? Well…because…as each of the East bound travelers passed by [myself included] we would slow down tad and stretch our necks a bit. We would gaze and gawk and gape as we tried to figure out exactly what happened to completely stop traffic.

Anyway, Cuddlebug asked me to have him at the hospital by 0845.

Now, this is a Lesson in Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say.

She said that was when she needed to be there. Well, on my way, I messaged her to let her know that I wasn’t sure if we were going to make that time. I was having trouble just getting to him.

“Well take backroads.”

“That’s the problem. There aren’t any between here and there.”

“No. From his house to the hospital. Just take back roads.”

“There aren’t any. It is either highway or city.”

And it’s true, Fellow Travelers. If you are going, solid, from one end of The Valley to the other your choices are limited [mostly] to city or highway. You can take more back-ish roads if you are willing to drive very far out of the way to do so. Trust me. That’s the first thing I looked at. [I’m still trying to navigate from The Girls’ home all the way up to the Boys’ without using major highways.]

So, we’re running behind and I am [internally] a mess. We are gonna get there at like 0844 and this boy is gonna have o make a mad dash to meet her. I felt terrible. I thought, “I should have just left earlier and then I wouldn’t be letting her down.”

Do not fear, Fellow Travelers, for none of this was the case.

No, no. No, no, no.

No, you see, Fellow Travelers, Cuddlebug had pulled an Old Jedi Mind Trick on me. That one where she tells me an earlier time so that when I screw it all up its still OK. You know that one?

Yeah.

Brat.

Any hoot and a holla…

WALT: HOLLA!!!!

*Long irritated stare* Anyway…

So, alright, I stuck around through the procedure. Once I knew she was doin’ alright I headed off for some work. But, they were all going to lunch and she had mentioned it twice. I had only gotten about an hour of work in before she let me know they were heading to the restaurant. [Don’t worry. In that hour I earned Just Enough.]

By the time we were finished with lunch, the actual lunch rush was over. I was heading towards my spot, planning on trying to work anyway. But, as I drove, choices were made. I knew The Professor was visiting The Putter. It was the first time in quite a while. So, I figured I would po in and at least say hi. The problem with this is that after a Safety Meeting [even a brief one] I rarely feel suited to be working. Such was the case that night as well.

I am not one to let productive moments pass by easily. I couldn’t work. Believe me I contemplated it over and over. I wasn’t incapable of driving. Not even close really. That wasn’t the issue. The issue is usually more that I have difficulty focusing. I could drive from A to B. But when it becomes constant movement and circles and zigzags for an hour or more straight that is a different story. That would have been more than my mind could have processed. This is not an excuse. It is an Observation. After years of trial and error, I do know my limits. I don’ always choose to follow them. Choices have been made more than once. So, I headed back to The Original Brother John’s. Apparently, I decided that I was going to use that time to write.

Not just writing either. I made dinner and washed dishes. I continued my cleaning project. I did laundry. I sorted and organized myself and my stuff. But I did write as well. In fact, I not only worked on this post, I also tweaked on a separate post. It is a story that must be captured but can not yet be told. I do not know how it will end, but, regardless of the outcome, when the story finds conclusion it will all be shared.

All of this had me up very late. And, to be honest, I tried for even later. However, it had been a very long day and I was just spent. This put me off to a later start on Friday, though not too late. And that’s where it stops. I can’t really remember how the day went. I know that I got back around 1930. I walked through the door and it was all I could do to get to the air mattress.

I slept long.

So, this morning I did get a later start to the day than I would have liked but that all worked out anyway. Midday, I had to go down the line and see Sunshine in a parade. She is part of the school marching band and they had their first appearance today. That skewed my day a little bit. Especially when I got a delivery that put me about halfway there. It made it almost inconceivable to try to drive back and work some more. [Where I delivered to is outside of my pickup region by about 15 minutes.] I could drive back and maybe get some more work for an hour but it wasn’t necessarily economical from there. So, I got some quick breakfast and headed down the line.

Afterwards, I wasn’t feeling it either. A lot of this is the moon. I have no doubt. Eventually, I made my way back here and I have been putting around ever since. I cleaned out The Rocket. In particularly the inside of the windows. They need to get done and they are the hardest thing for me to get to on the road. I cleaned the dash and such as well. I removed trash and even cleaned out my driving bags. I organized some stuff. Plus, while I had the glass cleaner in hand, I decided to do the windows on all the entry doors of the house. I cleaned the mirror in both bathrooms and even cleaned a mirror thing that hangs on the wall.

Now here I am [drink again.] No…here I am, writing once more.

That has been my journey under this Full Harvest Moon. The steps that I have taken and the path that I have followed. But, what did that journey bring me?

I’m not entirely certain.

The Safety Meeting brought me a few things. I realized that I haven’t seen The Shaman in a very long time. So long, in fact, that I couldn’t even guess at the last time. We’ve had gaps before but never anything this vast. Perhaps he is done with me. Maybe he has given up. It matters not. For, just as the teacher shall appear when the student is ready, so shall the teacher disappear, I suppose.

That made me realize that my encounters of The Pillar have been sparse as well. The last few times I ran into him he seemed very dismissive. Perhaps he is done with me as well. Maybe he is disappointed. It matters not. For, why do I need his approval or acceptance?

In fact, I have sensed something odd at The Putters’ in general of late. I can’t quite put my finger on it and, honestly, I was trying to dismiss it. But, all of this kinda made it click. There is definitely some sort of off energy going on somewhere. Maybe he is done with me. Perhaps I have done something to upset the delicate nature of his be-ing. It matters not. For, I do not know and until I do I cannot resolve it. The best I can do for right now is to just kind of naturally avoid going there for a bit. That’s not as easy as it sounds since it is connected to Olde Geistopia. So, every time I go there for this reason or that, it’s right there.

I’ve really been thinking about my work the past few days. I love what I do. I do. For so many reasons. First and foremost, as we all know, Fellow Travelers, I love to drive. Love to drive. Hate traffic. Moving on.

This work keeps me moving. I drive all day and I am perfectly content doing so. Not only do I find it very Zen-ful, but, in many ways, it quells my desires to Quest. By no stretch of the imagination does it put them completely at rest. I still get urges to go. I’d love to return to New Orleans. I was really only getting started there. Just Enough to whet whistle of curiosity. I’d also like to make my drive to Key West.

I will openly admit that [as far as I know] it is not a G-d thing. It’s personal. As a driver, I want to make that drive. For me it is sort of a pinnacle I guess. I have driven all over the place. I have taken my ride through all sorts of terrains – mountains, deserts, forests…everywhere. I ain’t never made a drive like that. I don’t if I actually can. That is an awful lot of bridge to cross and that shit makes me a lil crazy. It might be just as scary and traumatic for me as the icy mountain tops of West Virginia. Still, I want to go. Maybe that is why I want to go. For me, I guess, as a driver, it is the equivalent of Mt. Everest to a rock climber.

It's there. Might as well do it.

But, I digress. The Delivery Driving helps keep the Quests at bay. It’s true that as a whole it is the same crap over and over and over. I pick up at the same restaurants. I deliver to a lot of the same customers. Every day. Every week. But, Just often Enough, I am taken on a trek that lets me see The Valley from a new and/or different perspective and that is just like being on The Quest.

I like what I do. I make more money doing this than I ever have before. Even after I take out my fuel expense and my extraordinarily high food budget, I still have plenty with which to work. I have done more over the course of the past year plus than any other period of my life.

I made car payments and paid off a nice sized garage bill. I took the girls away a few times and had plenty of adventures. I even took them and friends to the beach for the day. I’ve been paying all of my bills, which have increased a bit. A little bit here and there added on for this or that. Plus, I changed car insurance companies after The Vantasm, so I am Paying a slightly higher rate. Also, I went from an old phone and a prepay service to a post pay arrangement with the cost of a newer phone factored in. All in all, that bill has slightly more than doubled. I have been doing all of that and at the same time just taking care of myself here and there along the way.

I like what I do. It suits my ‘lifestyle.’ For two and a half decades now my life has had its own unique flow about it. We can argue the finer points sometime if you’d like, but at the end of the day my life does with me as needs to be done. When life needs me somewhere or doing something it will get me there by whatever means available. It will move me, shift me, slow me down, or shut me down all together. A ‘regular’ job makes all of that very difficult. With this, I can just let it flow. For example, the afternoon I ended up with the crippling headache. No big deal. I just didn’t log in. No one was affected. No one was impacted by the choice. No one had to pay a price for it but me. I like that. I can work when and how I want. Start early. Start late. Work all day. Work off and on. Work breakfast and take the rest of the day ‘off.’

I like what I do. It is the closest I have come to ‘having it all.’ I make a pretty decent buck. I have a long way to go financially but I am leaps and bounds ahead of any other point of my journey. I am also in complete control of my life – every aspect of it. I choose when and how and what. And the best part? No one is impacted by my choices but me. And, let me tell you something, Fellow Travelers, if I couldn’t live with the choice I wouldn’t make it.

[One more.]

(Perhaps the most important one.)

I like what do. It is…Divine. I mean that. The experience as a whole has been the prime example of all that I have believed, practiced, and preached. Every day is a fresh start. The morning comes and whatever yesterday was no longer matters. It Is What It Is and there is a whole day ahead to make it whatever it needs to be. Every day takes care of itself. No matter what is bearing down on me, no matter how far behind I seem to get – or how many red numbers I may see across my bank account – it all finds its balance. I get through each and every day and I survive – almost thrive. [Even when I’m less than broke.]

And there is no telling how it is going to happen. All I can do is Follow the Flow. I cannot decide how much many I am going to make. I cannot plot and plan where I will be or when. All I can do is take a breath, dive right in, and see how it all turned out when its over. It always turns out OK.

And that is Divine.

[Okay. Maybe one more.]

(But, its different.)

I like what I do. But…it comes with a price. Right This Moment, in order to make that bank I like so much, it takes me all three shifts every day. It’s not grueling. It’s not terrible to get through. But it is a commitment. It makes it very hard to take time off. It is very difficult to help people understand and accept that.

For example, The Professor wants to go to a concert at the end of the month. I wouldn’t mind going. But it is a commitment. A large commitment of both time and fuel. Where I stand right now, I cannot afford to take that kind of time off. I certainly can’t afford to take it off and drive up that kind of gas that I am not earning the money to cover. I’d love to say yes but I am working towards a Goal.

I have had many years – decades – in which, very often, I did not even have the opportunity to make enough money. In those times, when I couldn’t put it together and I was scraping by, I found myself with many gaps. They were easy to fill. Helping people out with this or that. Visiting. Questing. Safety Meetings. Whatever adventure I could find around the next corner. I had the time to do it, so I did it. But now I have potential to work and make the money so time is a luxury I do not often have. Just as in those days when I had time money was the luxury most often lacking.

I have a certain amount of money I want to be making each week. I have budgets and plans I would like to meet. I know that I can at least get a good foothold on it by committing myself to 3 shifts for seven days. It is the closest thing to a guarantee I have. I find it hard to take time off even to do other work and make other monies. The Theatre, I’m sure, would like me to return. They have reached out twice but did not actually mention it. I didn’t bring it up because I don’t see how I can. Every shift they would need me is over a meal period when I could be driving. They can’t pay me what I make an hour driving.

Likewise, I have a couple who would like me to do a few odds and ends. It’s the same scenario. I could bever charge them what I make driving and I can’t properly squeeze them in between. It’s a hard call to make. Especially considering that that was my life for so long. Bouncing to and fro, doing this or that, was how I survived. I almost prided myself on it. I was pleased with the fact that my life could be diverse. I was grateful that I had a life that afforded me the ability to help people out and still be doing something for myself. Right now, I just can’t do that. I mean, first off, I don’t have the wherewithal to balance a whole lot of things at once. I do not have the mental facilities, nor do I have the physical capacity. I live in my car. I do not have a true sense of balance, rest, nor rejuvenation. Also, everything takes extra – extra clothes, extra tools, extra stuff to haul in a vehicle that already has everything I need in it. I also cannot give up the income. Too much is riding on it at the moment.

I have been thinking about Brother John’s.

As I said, it is odd for me. Where I am at here is way beyond anything I envisioned when I messaged him and asked if I could park in the driveway overnight for a while. It is very awkward for me. I worry about taking advantage, taking for granted, overstaying my welcome, or offending him in any number of ways. These are my life-long insecurities. Yet, at the same time, it feels so right to be here. I do not actually question it. I am here, right now, for a reason. It just feels too natural. [There is no haze about.]

But then, I have always been comfortable here. I have loved it since the first time I house sat. It is just a cute, quaint, and comfortable little house. It has an awesome backyard. It is just chill and vibey inside and out. Being here has made me think even more about a home. I miss the caretaking. I need the ability to recharge and rejuvenate.

It’s time.

I don’t know how. I don’t know when. I don’t know where. But it is time.

In other thoughts – I find it interesting that this is all coming under The Full Moon. This Moon in particular. This cycle. It was under The August full moon that The Princesses and I would embark on The Getaway.

Since we returned, I have been in a bit of a rut. Getting by and managing but just barely. In fact, if I didn’t know we were under The Full Moon these past several days would have concerned me. But, I feel like it was all to be expected. I think the rut is going to lift. I can feel it. Sunday may still be a Just Enough kinda day but by Monday I should be ready to push hard again.

This is the week for it too. I need to get to making the money but at the same time I do still have those other commitments. For the most part, since The Princesses have returned to school, my down time is reserved for them. For instance, the parade today or the two performances Sunshine has later in the week. But, occasionally, there will come a call to do something else. On Tuesday night, I must return to The Meeting Place. It is long overdue and I have myself together enough that I should. I wanted to do so this past Tuesday but I wasn’t quite together yet.

All of that being said, know that I am being proactive in my pursuits. I don’t know yet if I am maxed out with what I can make driving. I am in a comfort zone. Once I get myself balanced again I can begin to experiment. I can work in different zones at different times. I can play around with focusing on just one app at a time. I can look for other opportunities to fill the little gaps – such as a return to retail merchandising.

Still, I am also keeping myself alert for other opportunities. I recently saw a job advertised on a billboard. It shows promise. If I did the calculations correctly it is a significantly higher rate than what I am already making. It is probably an environment that I will not enjoy. [But there is give in take in everything.]

But, if it hurls me towards my Goal of a home, I may just be able to pull it off. I have had two recurring issues with maintaining jobs. First is value. The best example to use is The Job. I worked 4 – 10 hour days which wiped me out. The place was always busy and/or short staffed. So, it was a constant go from the time I walked in until I left. On top of that there was all the ego and attitude and following the rules or not following the rules. The income just wasn’t worth all of that. Don’t believe me? I am currently making double that on an average week and I am not working a quarter as hard and am not nearly as stressed.

The other problem is that I am a sensitive and an empath. I synergize with every person and environment I encounter. I can’t turn it on and off. It just happens. The more exposure the more it will warp my energy. The more important it is that I can recharge. If I cannot do that, I will inevitably burn out and that job will be done.

So, a job that affords me a home where I can get myself together would certainly be worth any level of challenge or discomfort.

And, just like that, both problems solved.

Who knows

How it goes

Caught in the thralls and the throes.

[I’m done now.]

The writing is complete. Tomorrow, Sunday, I can copy and paste the Totems into place and make a few small tweaks, create a post and be done. Beyond that [and working] I wold like to get a soak in before The Moon passes. I wanted to do it tonight but it is very late now and that is not going to happen.

It is only 3 days until the final marker I have been given. Beyond that, I would personally be looking ahead towards Mabon and Samhain.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

I want to do something a little different this week. I want to talk about how each Totem made itself known to me. Just in brief. Just Enough.

*The Cricket is still lingering from last week. I have not seen any since then but I always hear them at the most interesting of times.*

Cricket –[from Spirit-animal.com]

Like the Ladybug and the Dragonfly, Cricket symbolism is a sign of exceptional luck. Furthermore, this spirit animal says that the things that you have been working toward and dreaming about are now possible. Therefore, Cricket meaning directs you to stay open to guidance and messages so that you will know what you have to do. You may be guided to buy a lottery ticket, interview for a new job, or be in the right place at the right time. In other words, Cricket symbolism is letting you know that all things are possible right now. All you have to do is feel that you deserve it! Similar to the Robin and the Whale, people with Cricket totem know how to sing their songs loud and clear! In other words, they love to use the power of their voice to attract what they want in life. These folks also have a gift for finding their way through awkward moments with panache and aplomb. People with this spirit animal are excellent communicators, love to walk their talk and are often vegetarian. In fact, like the Deer totem, they understand the power of music and will usually have a career that uses music as a form of healing.

*The Heron was an interesting one. I first saw it as a name on a window sign. I think it was a name. Whatever it was it was there. I just caught a quick glimpse of it in passing and again as I glanced back to be sure of what I saw. Later in the same day it appeared as a name on a restaurant placemat. Only it was spelt with two ‘R’s. *

Heron - The Call of The Quest andTravels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.

*The fly was a matter of focus at The Safety Meeting. The Professor was manning the flyswatter. It struck me then as a possible Totem. Later that evening, when one would appear out of nowhere and sit on my arm for but a moment, it was confirmed.*

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

*The Mouse is a fun one. There is one in the house. I caught it scurrying through the shadows twice one night. Of course, the presence of a mouse does not disturb me. Instead, it comforts me and lifts me up. We had a mouse as a guide at The Nest. A mouse named Harold. [I know a mouse who hasn’t got a house. I don’t know why I called him Harold. He’s getting rather old, but he’s a good mouse.] There are similar energies shared between The Nest and The House. So, to be visited by the same Totem in each is no coincidence. Nor should it be taken lightly.*

Mouse - Attention to Detail.

It is either time to pay attention to details, or an indication that you cannot see the forest for the trees. You may be getting so locked into details that you forget the big picture. Are you taking care of the trivial, yet necessary, things of life? Are you getting so lost in big dreams that you are neglecting other aspects of your life? Are you becoming so focused on one or two activities that you are neglecting other opportunities? Are you missing what is right in front of you? Is there something obvious that you are missing or need to focus on? Are you trying to do too many things at once and therefore scattering your energies? Mouse can show how to pay attention to detail; how to attain the big things by working on the little things. Lessons associated with attention.

*The next two go together – Hawk and Snake. I wish I could remember where I was going and/or what was on my mind. I’m sure it has some degree of significance to the moment. Anyway, I was driving up along one of the mountains and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this hawk flies directly in front of The Rocket. I mean, like, at eye level for me. And in its talons it carried a snake.*

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Snake – Rebirth, Resurrection, Initiation, and Wisdom

Symbol of transformation and healing. Also alchemy and healing. Sexual/creative life force. Kundalini. Compassion, clairvoyance and charm. Lessons of forgiveness, superstitiousness, and possessiveness. Wisdom and understanding. Birth and death. Transmutation. Are you needing to make changes, but aren’t for some reason? Are you trying to force change too quickly. Are you striking out at people and shouldn’t? Are you not striking and should? What is needing to be healed? What opportunities are surfacing that you need to strike out for and take advantage of?

*The Ant has just kind of been around for a while. It makes random appearances. Here and there every so often. Usually just one scurrying here or chilling out there. An interesting side note is that I can often see one solitary red ant every day.

Ant - Industriousness, Order, and Discipline

Symbol of work and industry. Wisdom and intellect in their endeavors is often acclaimed. Social. Community activity. Gathering, hunting, growing. May find that the cycle of industriousness and building of goals may increase over a period of twelve years. Cycle of twelve - days, months, years - will be of significance. Teacher of how to build, how to be the architect of your own life. Show you how to construct our dreams into a reality. Greatest success occurs with persistence. Examine your own industriousness. Are you disciplining yourself enough to accomplish the tasks at hand? Are you or those around you looking for the quick and easy way? Are you neglecting important activities? Are you laying a good foundation? Are you adding new structures to your life with each passing year in some fashion - education, jobs, hobbies, etc? Are you being patient with your efforts? Are you being patient with yourself? With others? Are you making things greater and more difficult than they need to be? Are you missing the opportunity to initiate new creativity and endeavors? Can teach how to harness your own power to design and recreate your life. Can show you how best to work with others for the good of everyone. Regardless of circumstances, if the effort is true, the rewards will follow - in the most beneficial time and manner. The promise of success through effort.

*Spider is an interesting one. It appeared on the parking deck the morning of Cuddlebug’s procedure. It actually appeared to her at first. But it quickly made its way [unbeknownst to me] to right by my foot. May have been for her. May have been for me. Perhaps even a little bit of both.*

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.

*Bat appeared on evening while I was vibing in the back yard at The Original Brother John’s.*

Bat – Transition and Initiation

Symbols of initiation and rebirth. Implies a loss of one’s faculties if unwary about changes. Also holds the promise of rebirth and coming out of the darkness. The breaking down of the former self through intense tests. It is a facing of your greatest fears – that it is time to die to some aspect of your life that is no longer suitable to you. You are being challenged to let go of the old and create the new. You may see some part of your life go from bad to worse. That which worked before may no longer. The ability to move to new heights. The piercing of new barriers and the opening to higher wisdom. Awakens ability to hear spirit. An increasing ability to discern the hidden messages and implications of other people’s words. Listen as much to what is not being said. Trust your instincts. A new beginning that brings promise and power after the changes.

*The next two go together as well, and one isn’t a Totem. It is a tree. Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise & Perfectly Placed, yet Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar. So, sometimes, you just have to acknowledge the ‘sign’ and keep on moving until something validates it. It may be a week later, or tomorrow, or even in just a few slight breaths. In this case, they were literal signs. First I saw Sycamore. It was painted on the back of a wooden sign at the edge of a yard. I tingled. I tingled that magickal tingle I get when The Universe is talking to me. Still, I thought I might be stretching a bit. So, I acknowledged and nodded and drove on. Only moments later I was face to face with the back of another wooden sign. This time there were 3 ladybugs. Again, I nodded and drove on. There was a third which also appeared in threes. But, I cannot for the life of me recall what it was. So, Fellow Travelers, we shall work under the assumption that its only purpose was to validate these two.*

Sycamore – (treesymbolism.com)

A symbol of protection, hope, clarity. Creativity and divinity. Sign of growth.

Ladybug - (worldbirds.org)

The main meaning of ladybugs centers around good fortune, true love, innocence, needing to make the right choices in life, happy resolutions, etc. So what does it mean to see a ladybug?

When you encounter the ladybug spirit animal at any point, you can be sure that positive transformations are on the way.

You can trust this humble creature to brighten even the gloomiest of days and brighten your outlook on life should you come across it. The symbolism represents the time of the fruition of your dreams and wishes.

Understanding the symbolism meaning helps you understand how reaching newer heights and higher goals are possible. In due course, with the right approach and positive changes, your efforts and desires will come to pass if you follow the true preaching of the ladybug symbolism.

What do ladybugs mean when they cross paths with you or visit your homes? You could take it as a sign to halt a bit in life, perhaps, if you have been going too fast to achieve your dreams.

Sometimes, we need not to try overly hard but wait in faith for things to come around. Sometimes, there is success in being patient and the ladybug cautions to be just that. In time, your worries will dissipate and new happiness will set in.

*And finally one more twosome. I came to the house the other night and there were three deer and a rabbit in the yard. It was a definite moment. Had to be there.*

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

Rabbit - Fertility and New Life

Often seen as an animal that can lead one unknowingly into the Faerie realm. A symbol for sexuality and fertility. Usually, you will begin to see a cycle of 28 days beginning to manifest in your life. Those with rabbit totems will see movement occur in their life in varying degrees of hops and leaps. It won’t be steady step-by-step movement. The leaps and hops do not usually take more than the cycle of The Moon (28 days) to occur. Plan for possibilities. May indicate the need to do some more planning or review those you have already set in motion. You do not want to box yourself into a corner. Important not to foreshadow your moves. Learning to shift from freezing to great speeds will aid in your success and enables you to take advantage of opportunities that may present themselves for brief moments. May need to examine the kinds of food being consumed. For the greatest health and well-being, a vegetarian diet, even if only temporary, will strengthen and heal. How to recognize the tides of movement within your life. This in turn will enable you to become even more fertile in your life.