S8EP12: Week 3 of Twenty-Twenty Free

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John & Sister Jen

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, January 22, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...Equalizing

Theme – It all Works Out

This is one of those repeat things. It’s something of which I need to be reminded. Especially lately. My weeks have been difficult and challenging. Nothing quite goes the way I plan or want. Yet, somehow, in the end it all seems to work out. It doesn’t always work out ‘ideally,’ but it works out nonetheless. For instance, despite all of my struggles financially since the beginning of the year, it is still working. I am constantly behind myself. But the only person who really knows that is me. Everybody is getting their money somehow, some way. But it works out. Or, Cuddlebug was all worried about college tuition. As it stands right now [and she hasn’t even graduated high school yet] she told me she will only need a few thousand a year. Everything else is covered at this point. And, in two weeks, she is participating in some competition for full scholarship./ It’s all working out. Or, all of the bumps in the road leading to the house. There were times it seemed like it was never going to happen. Yet, here I sit.

Lesson – Trust in the Lord Your God

This is along the lines of It All Works Out. When you trust in The Universe you are trusting that Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise and Perfectly Placed and that It All Works Out. G-d always has our backs. Even before we ask him. An example that came up this week was the demolition of The Vantasm. That was a very hard experience for me. I mean, first of all, I loved that van. I think it was my favorite of all the vans I have owned. But, also, I still owed a little bit of money on it when it was totaled and settled. Plus, I owed a lot of money on garage bills for work that was done on it. On top of all of that, I found myself immobile, unable to go anywhere – even work, for like 6 weeks. But, as I look back, I realize it was a set-up. G-d was clearing the way. The simple fact of the matter is that if I still had that, or any, car payment, there would be no home. I wouldn’t be able to afford both. Yet, here I am, with a car that is paid off and home to live in. I have been struggling so much with the way things have been flowing and the way I am [or am not] muddling through it all. Every time I got stressed or frustrated this week, these were the words The Voice whispered in my ear, “Trust in the lord Your God.”

Observation – The Harder You Try, The More You ‘Fail’

This Observation was sort of a bite in the ass. I have been so stressed. I am pushing and trying and juggling and balancing all of this stuff. It seems the harder I try to go, the less I get accomplished. Honestly, I have even gotten lazy with my devotions over the last few days. I feel overwhelmed and like maybe I just can’t do it. And, this becomes one of those subtleties in You Can, and Do, Experience the Life You Choose. Obviously, I don’t want a life that is so much of a struggle. But, by stressing over it and pushing too hard, it is the life I am choosing. I am telling The Universe in not so obvious ways that I believe it is and will be a struggle. I stress and The Universe sees that I think I just can’t do it. So, every time I manage to balance something out, The Universe puts something else into disarray. It’s not that I want this chaos. But my thoughts, actions, and feelings are telling The Universe that this is what my life is. I just need to slow it down and take it step by step.

The Post

Three weeks of the year complete. I really thought that when we got here I would be reporting that things were balanced out and I was ready for action.

I really don’t know why I thought that. It is so uncharacteristic of my life.

Things aren’t bad. I’m just not seeing the progress that I would like to see. The truth is, I have been very fortunate and blessed. I have always had what I’ve needed. I’ve managed my finances. Things are happening and shifting every day. If anything, I think the problem is that it is all very overwhelming.

Right off the bat, and I have said this several times before, the experience of actually having a home is very odd to me. It is almost surreal. Though you would think it would all come naturally, sometimes I don’t know how to act or what to do. I also think it is difficult for me to completely settle in. I am so used to being on the move and having things be temporary. That is just my programming at this point. It is also strange to just be able to go about life and do my ting without upsetting someone else. My way of being is not for everyone.

So, I am making all of those adjustments.

I feel like I can’t work enough. Yet, as time goes on I am beginning to believe I am trying to work too much. I need to balance it out. Again – it’s programming. [Maybe that should have been the Theme.]

When I started driving as a job, I was living in The Vantasm. I had nothing else. I’d wake up in the morning, get my coffee and rest room stop in, shower if it was shower day, and start driving. More often than not, I was ‘on the clock’ by 0600-0630. I would work through breakfast and take a little break. Then Lunch and a break if I could and then all of dinner until 2000.

Again, I had nothing else. I had no place to be and nothing to do really. There was no grocery shopping. There was no house cleaning or arranging. I had no extra projects because I didn’t have the tools or the space to work them. So, I just worked when I was awake.

When I moved to The Nest, that schedule didn’t necessarily work. I tweaked it a little here and there, but followed the same format – breakfast, lunch, dinner. It’s what I knew and I knew it worked. After The Nest I was in The Rocket. Same old, same old. Same routine. Even when I first got here I followed that routine. I wasn’t ‘living’ here. I was staying here.

But now things are different. I have things to do…and lots of them. Every direction I turn I find piles of projects, tasks and responsibilities. That routine is no longer working. I have been following that same routine for the past few months, along with the added routines of a home.

I get up in the morning and make myself ready for the day – lunch, showers, breakfast, finances, to do lists, emails. Then I’m out on the road between 0700 and 0800. Usually more towards the earlier hour. Then, if I come back to the house, it isn’t until after lunch around 1400. Generally, I take a short rest, then manage some task, and I am out again between 1600 and 1630.

Prior to renting the house, I would find that my day was generally in [financially speaking] between 1830-1930. So, I’d come home, unload The Rocket, clean up from the day, manage some task, and be in bed around 2030-2100. It wasn’t even that I wanted to go to bed that early. I just had no energy left.

When most of my tasks were minor or temporary, this was all OK. But now things carry a bit more weight. The projects are larger. And everything is about permanency. The routine doesn’t work. I have to find a balance.

This week, I experimented. On Friday, I didn’t go out to work until 1000. I stopped at 1800. In that 8 hours, I drove pretty solid. There are 6 hours and 40 minutes clocked, which means there is only 1 hour and 20 minutes of idle time, or [more likely] driving back after a delivery. [I only clock my time from when I leave for the restaurant until I drop off the order. That’s when I am actually working.]

This isn’t necessarily the best plan either. It was good, in as much as it gave me so much extra time at the house both before and after work. However, I found that by the end of the day I was highly irritable and easily agitated. [More so than usual.] In fact, that is why I stopped driving so early. Yes, I could have made more money. But I made the money I needed to make – more than I had budgeted, in fact. I just felt like I was going to pop. I didn’t like myself very much. I was becoming a serious prick. I still need a rest at some point in the day – no matter when I’m working.

I was truly so twisted up. In fact, last night I took a ritual soak for the first time in a while. I cannot tell you just how orgasmic the feeling of all my bodies relaxing and untwisting truly was.

I was wound…tight.

This cannot happen again. I can’t function like that. So, yes I need to make the money. I also need to tend to the household. But, most importantly, I must take care of me. I must remain strong or I will fail.

The Sickness played a large part in everything I am dealing with currently. It messed with my workdays and my income. But, it also messed with my body. And my body is still not quite right. It has gone through changes and hasn’t quite made the adjustment.

When I say changes I mean things like my taste buds are over active. I mean like I am seriously tasting things lately. For example – every day I take a pack of Tastykake KandyKakes with me. They make a great mid-morning snack. They keep me from getting too hungry at the wrong time and they give me a little boost of energy.

I have done this every day for months. I have eaten these things all my life. They were like a delicacy at Olde Geistopia. But within the last two weeks I can seriously taste every component of that snack. I can taste the chocolate – like I’ve never tasted it before. I can taste the peanut butter. I can taste the friggin’ cake. It’s all in my mouth together but with every chew I can taste each one individually.

My taste system is so hyperactive that I am having what has been a recurring [and random] experience in my life. On occasion, if I touch something with my fingertips, I can actually taste it in my mouth. The other day something [I don’t remember what] made me salivate and all I was doing was holding it.

Another change – I’ve actually been craving water. Not every day. Not all the time. But more frequently I am having actual cravings for water. For those of you that don’t understand the significance of this let me explain that my maximum yearly water consumption is about 2 20 oz bottles every 6 months. That’s in a good year. I’m pretty sure there have been years when I didn’t have a drop. Why? Because I only drink it when I know my body is craving it. [and because I’m pretty sure that’s where they put the mind control drugs. LOL.] So, for my body to be craving it several times a week, well, that’s pretty impressive. That’s a big change.

I think The Sickness was more than just preparing me for the pending changes. I think I was burnt out on all levels. I had been putting out so much anergy and working so many magicks from October until the end of the year. I was doing a lot of spiritual work – trying to manifest the home and at the same time keep the natural balance of things. The Yule hit and that shit just forces the magicks and energies out of me.

On top of that, I was constantly on the go. [As Above, So Below] I was physically exerting energy and doing works in the hopes they would help me manifest the home. I was working my job and taking care of my life as it was. But I was also doing works around the home, trying to project my life as I wanted it to be.

I pushed and I pushed and I went and I went. [The very thing I am trying to do now and failing at so miserably.] This was especially true over Yule when there were times I would just do things for two days. Like, just before Christmas, in the early days of Yule, I had at least two full days when I would get up and just go – crafting gifts, cleaning, pre-prepping food, wrapping presents, etc., etc. I mean, there was one day in there that I went for 20 straight hours. Non-stop. I went from project to project – overlapping, interweaving – pushing with focus and determination to just get the job done.

Basically, I didn’t have time to notice just how burnt out I was. But, when I stopped over New Years, when I did nothing but relax and spend time with the girls, all of my bodies had a chance to recognize how fried they were…and they said, “Fuck this shit.”

Hence, The Sickness.

I have been feeling overwhelmed. I have been having difficulty focusing and centering. I have just kind of mindlessly and aimlessly been going through my days lately. I need to get focused and driven. [Without pushing.] I need to take care of things as they come along and stop pushing things off. Like, I’ve had laundry in the dryer for the last three days. I keep telling myself I’m gonna get to it but I do my day and then I’m just done.

That’s what I have been experiencing the past few days. I am slowing down. I am taking more time to make sure certain things are done – before I leave the house or go to bed. I have to get my rhythm and my flow back. But, I have to let it create itself. I only know how I functioned in the vehicles or at Olde Geistopia. But life is very different now and those applications are no longer workable. So I have to do what I do best and just let myself go and follow the flow until the new routine has found me.

I came into this year $160 in the red. This was compounded by The Sickness, causing me to lose about $160 in income. I balanced that out some. I started that week terribly and somehow managed to end it only $50 in the red. I also began this week at the same amount. However, I am ending it $110 in the red. I lost ground this week. [But I gained a bit of myself.]

I’m not concerned. I’m not desperate. It’s not dire. I simply have to keep on keeping on until I get where I am going or I just can’t anymore.

Things are not quite going as smoothly as I thought they would with expanding back into Retail Merchandising and such. There aren’t quite as many jobs as there were back when I was doing it all before. Not on the apps anyway.

There are a host of companies I used to access online. However, the first one I tried to log into no longer recognized me. So, now I have to go through them one at a time and see if I exist. If not then I need to start a new account and begin all over. As I’m preparing for this, I realize that there are also a lot of apps out there for the same work and involving some of the same companies. Apps for this line of work were just starting to become relevant when I stopped doing the work.

Basically, it’s all going to take longer than I thought.

The same for spiritual work. I am picking up random bits every so often, here or there. But, I am a long way off from building anything steadier.

I have a collection of metal but that needs to be sorted and prepped before I haul it off to salvage.

Essentially, I feel like I am right where I started at the beginning of the year. A little better. A little worse.

This all explains the first ‘3 Week’ timeframe. It wasn’t what I thought. Which, then, explains the second ‘3 week’ time frame. Actually, the second ‘3 week’ time frame was marked by the fact that it ended on Imbolc. So, the third ‘3 week’ time frame – which brings me to about February 12.

From there, all I know is...March.

March was part of the original 6 month time frame back in September. Of course, March brings Ostara – which I think will carry some weight this year. I also think I am planning my WTML project for right about that time.

I feel like this coming week is part make it and part break it.

I really don’t know how things are going to go financially. I have a lot working against me this week. This could be the week when it all catches up to me and bites me in the ass. [Of course, it could also be the week that I catch up.]

I have a lot of things that I want and need to do. The greatest among them being taking care of myself and my home.

On Saturday, the home will take on more shape, more definition. There is a host [“host”] of furniture coming – 2 dressers [1 for each of The Princesses,] a kitchen table and chairs, 2 entertainment centers, and a queen sized bed.

One entertainment center is going downstairs in The Room Yet to be Named. [It may become the new MattCave.] It is perfect for that room. It will also change the dynamic quite a bit which will allow for the couch to finally be moved in [after it is cleaned.]

The girls, as I said, will get the dressers. Their rooms will be almost complete.

The most fun for me though is my bedroom. It will soon be an actual and functioning bedroom. Needless to say, the queen sized bed is for me. It has a frame and a box spring and mattress and drawers and ledges and just all sorts of things. It is an actual, real-life bed. My brain cannot even conceive of this.

My room will also be getting the second entertainment center. It is one that Bert-on created and built and it is just perfect for the room. Plus, I already have a dresser. I am so excited to have a full bedroom. Something I can decorate and adorn and function from as well as relax in. Eventually, there will be a new TV downstairs [I don’t know when or how] and that TV will come up to my room. I do occasionally like to drift off to TV [usually music.] Plus, then I could watch in there if the kids want to be downstairs.

I am excited for it to all come together but I can’t force it. I need to take it one piece at a time. Each As It Comes.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places

A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.