S8EP3: The Callback Episode

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, November 20, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Exasperating

Theme – Always Lookin’ for the Upside

I must have said this multiple times this week. No matter the situation, I am always looking for the upside to things. There is always at least one. It may seem unimportant or nonsensical or even whimsical. But, the simple fact of the matter is, there is always an pside. If you look hard enough you can find it. Once you find it, hold it in your sights. Keep it in your focus. Suddenly, life becomes much easier to tolerate and bear.

Lesson – Slow & Steady

I wanted to revisit this one this week. Mostly because it seemed relevant. I need this reminder from time to time. How quickly [ironic?] and easily this one simple rule is forgotten. We get swept up in the process of living – bills, jobs, schedules, responsibilities – and forget the purpose of living – to just be. We cannot ‘Be’ if we are racing around and hustling and bustling. We cannot be all that we are. We cannot be the best us. The only way to do that is to walk slow, strong and true. I have lived a half a lifetime pushing and stressing and racing to some finish line I can’t even see. In the end I find myself beaten and broken more often than anything else. Yet, when I just move calm and slow – riding each wave as it rises to meet me – I find that things tend to work and balance out. Even when the wave makes no sense or doesn’t ‘seem’ the ‘right’ thing. It may not work out how I wanted or in the timeline I set, or by any measure I can come up with on my own. But, as I look back, I can see that in The Grand Scheme of things it always works out. Slow and steady wins the race. The Tortoise & The Hare. Ride the waves. Each as it comes. In life, I have learned that I may not be able to create my own waves but I can ride them like a motherfucker. I should have been a surfer. You can call me The Big Kahuna. [All the ladies do.]

WALT: No. No, I really don’t think they do.

Shut up.

WALT: Just keepin’ it real, my brother.

Observation – G-d Can Handle the Money

Finances and money are the very banes of my existence. If there were an antagonist to my story these two would be it. I stress. I strain. I drive myself fucking crazy. I plot and plan. I calculate and re-calculate and re-calculate again. My financial life is where I feel lack. So, I am constantly pushing and trying to make more and do better. But, apparently, I have an extra pair of feet that I just keep tripping over. [Personally, I picture them as big ass red Ronald McDonald shoes.]

My plans never work. My life is an endless string of twists and turns, ups and downs. NO matter how solid my plan may be, every week seems to have something to throw it askew. Unexpected, or untimely expenses, social and familial obligations…the fucking moon. No matter how far ahead I project myself, I always seem to only be holding steady. All that focus, all that energy, and for what?

Take Your Eye Off the Ball.

The core of my life philosophy is Let Go and Let G-d. I do try to practice it as much as I can. The Universe already knows where we are going and it is constantly trying to get us there. So when we are stressed, or feeling up against a wall, perhaps a bit lost and unsure – the best thing to do is to just get out of our own way. Allow ourselves to be led and Follow the Flow – The Path of Least Resistance. But, lately, the things that are being put before me don’t make any sense. I don’t see how they get me where I want to go. In challenging this during prayer time this week, I gained new perspective.

I thought about the statement I made previously, “…no matter the twists and turns, I always seem to hold steady...” The words rang a little differently. It’s true. No matter what goes on around me, I always seem to hold steady. I may not ever have the money I want, but I never don’t have the money I need. [when I need it.] I always hold steady. Holding steady can be difficult enough in a normal life and let’s be real, Fellow Travelers, normal my life is not.

I realized that the money is the easy part. G-d can handle the money – any amount, anytime, in any way chosen. This has been demonstrated and proven time and time again. I have now said it repeatedly. No matter what happens around me – no matter how my life twists and turns, flips and flops – through the course of a week, I always hold steady. What needs to get paid, be bought or done, is handled.

Still, why all of this seeming randomness – the chores and tasks and challenges and obligations?

Because G-d can handle the money but there are things even G-d cannot do. G-d can not balance me out. G-d cannot give me determination or resilience. G-d cannot give me the ability to prioritize. G-d cannot give me humility or honour. G-d cannot make me relax and enjoy life. G-d cannot even teach these things. They can only be learned.

All of the craziness I have been dealing with lately has been forcing me to focus on these skills. To have the life I want, yes I need the money. But, I also need all of these things as well. So, I handle the hard part and G-d can Handle the Money.

The Post

I am starting this on Tuesday because, well, it is Tuesday and already it has been one of those weeks. What can I say?

This is my Life.

I have said it before and I will say it again – my life has a mind and will of its own…and all I seem to do is get in the fucking way.

First, let’s start with a bit of cheery news. I have recovered the WTML Character Costumes. They have been A.W.O.L. since leaving The Nest. In fact, that is where I had left them. One of the actors brought them to me. [God bless his merry little soul.] But, that was the end of last week. That as on Sunday. So, let’s start with Monday.

I had this week all figured out. I did. This was the week I was going to move myself ahead even if only for a moment. I was ready for it. I was psyched. I was focused. [Mostly.] I had a plan…Stan.

WALT: To bring it on back, Jack

JOHNNY: No need to be coy, Roy.

DOC: Chust zet yourself free…ja!

You guys suck.

WALT: Yeah, but it was funny. Someone out there chuckled. I promise ya.

I woke up Monday morning all set and ready to go. I dragged a little bit longer than I would have liked but I still had a strong early part of the day. By the end of lunch I was in a comfortable place. I hadn’t made quite as much as I would have liked, but there was still potential with dinner. I still had the chance to make my day. Even if I didn’t, I knew I would get damn close.

Then, towards the end of lunch, it happened.

KA-BAM!

Everything shifted and my day was jackknifed.

All of a sudden as I was driving, my front brakes started grinding something fierce. Usually, I am well aware of the brake situation before they start grinding. But, this just seemed to come out of nowhere. It progressively got worse as I continued through my deliveries.

At first, I was going to let it go until this morning. I figured I would get to The Mechanic and see if I could get in tomorrow morning and just do the best I could in the meantime. But it started sounding so bad that I decided to just call The Mechanic. They were able to see me this morning. At that point…

Choices Were Made.

I didn’t want to make matters worse. Creating a bigger problem by going out and driving to make money only to then spend it on the bigger problem doesn’t seem to make much sense to me. I decided to just call it a day. I knew I would take a bit of a hit, but I built a buffer for myself this week and I knew I had time to make it up. Or, so I thought.

Here’s the frustrating part. I knew they were going to need to be done. They have been on the docket for some time now, but every time we looked at hem they were not critical. My plan was to go in next week for my next oil change and use that to pay for the oil change and pay off the remining miniscule balance I have from whatever it is I had done last. Then I was gonna pause a moment. Take a week to just breathe. After that I was going to go in and get the brakes done. Life…apparently…had other ideas.

I was going to go to The Mechanic on Tuesday to schedule the oil change. So, I figured I would just do my day and go in Tuesday morning to schedule the oil change and the brakes. But as I continued through my shift, I noticed the grinding was getting progressively worse. Like, faster than it should have been.

Yes. I have driven in grinding brakes before. More than once in my life. I have even driven much longer than I should have on grinding brakes. So, I am quite familiar with the process and this was all starting to make me uncomfortable. It was just about the end of the work day for the mechanic and I decided to call quick just to see if they could get me in the next morning. They could.

Choices Were Made.

Since they could get me in first thing in the morning, I decided I would just call it a day and start work on Tuesday after the brakes were done. Like I said, no sense in making a bad situation worse. I mean they got really bad really fast. [And like I said, I am experienced at this point.]

I don’t know what happened Tuesday really and Wednesday is Once Upon Ago. Tuesday was just weird. It took a bit of time at The Mechanic. Everything that has been needing to be done was done. The front brakes and rotors were changed. The rear brake drums were cleaned off. Air put in the tires. The oil got changed. It was all planned. Just not that way.

Thursday was a turning point, though I can not tell you how or why, Fellow Travelers. It’s just that Thursday was so very different than these recent days past. It was a good day. It was actually a very, very good day. Thursday was strong. There was power in it.

Thursday had a couple of twists in it. Both were things that were ‘placed’ before me. Of course, my most recent Commitment is to just follow what is placed before me. I’ll touch on all of that momentarily. First, I needed to give someone a ride to his mechanic to pick up his car. The catch to this was that his mechanic is almost 40 minutes away. My advantage was that his mechanic is north of The Original Brother John’s and I would pass it on the way back.

So, I worked in the morning, as usual. When there was a slow down in delivery I went and put my 30 minutes in at The College. The I worked lunch. I picked him up for the mechanic’s run right at the beginning of my afternoon break. I drove him up. I dropped him off.

On the way back, I stopped for wood pellets. The hardware store is literally right up the street so I came right to the house and unladed them. Then I took care of a few random thisses and thats. For example, I got my stuff together for Friday morning – packed lunch, pulled clothes, whatever I could do to make the morning experience as smooth and easy as possible. Then I returned to the road, but that was a brief shift.

The other twist, or turn, that my Thursday incurred was that I needed to return to The College by 1900 to attend the dance concert. You may wonder how that becomes a ‘need.’ It is difficult to explain, Fellow Travelers. I only learned of it this week. That alone was enough for me to acknowledge that it was something being ‘placed’ before me. But there is a little more to it thatn that.

I said some time ago that, if I didn’t see some significant change by like Halloween, I was going to just Give Up. This was not meant in a quitting connotation. It was more a statement of acceptance. I was going to stop trying so hard to build a life and just start living again. For so many years I have not gone out or done things. I have passed on many a moment [and moments are all I am made of.] So my vow was, “no more.” This was one of those things.

First, I enjoy performances of all kinds, especially dance. Second, I like to support the performing arts department. It has been such a very large part of my life. [Longer than my spiritual journey.] I also like being there in support of the girls. I actually do know [in passing] a few of them. It’s the same reason I attended the show a couple weeks back. In fact, I was even able to see a recent graduate return to that stage [two technically.] That made my heart and my soul very happy. They are both so very talented and carry such a presence.

In retrospect, I have no doubt that it was the thing to do. I had some moments. In fact, during the performance I transcended planes. I shifted energies. I took a trip down the hole. I didn’t realize until much later on Friday just how deep I had gone.

All-in-all, Thursday was a practically perfect day. I got in all of my little whatnots. I made decent money. I even had extra time at the end of the night for me. [Which I used to work on some projects.]

Friday was a little bit stranger and more challenging. The morning started a little slow. I got some orders in and then went to The College to round out my week there. When I started lunch, I did not have the radio turned on in my car. This meant I wasn’t actually hearing when offers came in.

I realized this a little late and learned I had actually lost a pretty good offer. Nonetheless, I had one. It was a small fare but an acceptable start to the shift. Unfortunately, I no sooner accepted that offer and I received another one that was better from the other app. It was one of those times when I couldn’t double up. So, here I was making a $5 fare and I just watched $25 go right by. This left me a little irritated.

I had a bit of a hassle with this order right from the start. I can’t remember what it was. I only remember that I was irritated. Maybe it was just the fact that I knew I wasn’t making as much as I could have been. Anyway, I got to the drop off point – one of the innumerable warehouses in the area. The order is marked ‘meet at door.” This is a common thing, but very few people actually meet me at the door. This happens a lot with residential deliveries. So, it just sits by the door. At industrial facilities I try to find a safe place to put it inside the door or find someone to safe to hand it off to, such as security. Often at industrial sites there will be a note to call when arriving. [I actually call when I’m about two minutes out to make sure the person has enough time and to save on mine.]

So, I pull up and this one says meet at door. I get out. I go up to the door…and it is locked with badge entrance. There is no one around. Well I have another order to pick up and deliver and I am hearing one go off that I am missing because I’m walking to the door.

Next to the door, there is a black metal mailbox type thing. So, I set it up there and headed back to the car. I always send a message saying where I left orders. As I get in The Rocket I receive a text from the client telling me to go to the main entrance, not the docks.

“Yup. That’s where I am. I placed the order on the black mailbox,” I replied. Then I hit ‘Delivered’ and headed on my way to my next delivery. What I didn’t know, and would soon learn, is that when I hit ‘Delivered’ everything disappears on the clients end I guess.

So, the next thing I know my phone is ringing. It’s a delivery app call. I am driving and trying to figure out where I’m going, what’s happening, so I ignored it. It rang again and I answered it. It was the client pitching a fit. He told me he was messaging me and everything disappeared. [Oops.] he then began to lecture/argue with me that I should have called him.

“No. you should have been at the door.”

And it went on like that for a few rounds until I ended it by hanging up on him. I decided I did not have time to be told how to do my job. Dude was only tipping $2 anyway. I wrote it off. $2 wasn’t going to make it or break it for me, so…It’s Whatever. [By the way I did get the tip.]

Let me explain this. Many clients mark the order ‘Meet at door.’ Very few actually meet me at the door. I find a safe place to put the order, or a person to give it to and I go on my way. Quite a few clients will mark it ‘Meet at door,’ and also leave instructions to call them upon arrival. I don’t really like calling them just because it was more thing to juggle while I’m moving. But, I don’t mind doing it. It makes life easier for everyone. In fact, when there is a note to call, I will call a few minutes before I arrive. I figure this gives them time to get towards the door by the time I arrive. This saves time. Time actually is money for me.

So, whatever, I recovered. I bitched and moaned to myself for a while afterwards, but my day moved on and so did I. I was doing OK for the day. I had a little bit I wanted to make to top it off but the day was going well. Like every other day I was getting my shit taken care of.

Now comes dinner service. I had a few deliveries to start. It was whatever. At one point I entertained the idea of just calling it a night at 1800. I know that sounds early, but on a good day I have made most of my needed money by the end of lunch. Dinner, more often than not, is there just to tip the scales. Plus, by that time I’ve already put in a 10-11 day of driving and erranding and managing. Nonetheless, I talked myself out of it. With all of my griping of late, that decision made absolutely no sense. I was going to stay out and make the most of dinner shift. After all, it was Friday night.

So, I’m doing my thing and I had just come through this little town we’ll call Macoonchee. I get a ding from one of the apps to turn around and pick up an order at the Chinese restaurant. The fare was kinda eh. Then I looked closer and it was going all the way into the city. Center city to be exact.

“Fuck that.”

I don’t like delivering in Center City to begin with,, and I certainly don’t like going in the dark when I can’t see anything. And that fare, that was not nearly enough for me to make a drive into the city like that. It’s going to take longer than it is worth with the rush hour traffic, traffic lights, one way alley like streets. So, I declined it.

Now, I get a ding from the other app for the same Chinese restaurant, only the delivery is like 2 miles down the road and the fare is decent. So, I accepted it and figured out how I was turning around. As I made my to the restaurant, I got another ding from the first app. This time for 2 deliveries in one.

They will do this from time to time. Both apps do it. They will combine orders if and when they can. I get that…and I like it. Now, the trouble sometimes is that you don’t get all the information you need, especially with this app. Even though I may have multiple pickups and deliveries, the app will only show me one restaurant and one drop-off. The restaurant was right around the corner from where I was going already and the delivery was to the next town over, which we will call Emouse. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. [That should be the name of an alcoholic drink. Only because I’d like to hear someone try to order another one after about three.]

So, it turns out, the second pick-up was at the very Chinese restaurant I was headed towards. I had to wait for a few minutes to get both orders, but whatever, the other restaurant is usually slower anyway. Now is when I start to run into difficulties.

So, my glasses frames are all sorts of fucked. They are bent a lil here and twisted a lil there. The screws are missing. I think I tried once to replace them but they wouldn’t hold. So, now they are gaff taped together. Anyway, on the one side, the tape gave free some time ago. In fact, I wanted to fix it that night when I got home.

I get the two orders and head to the car. I am trying to load them up and keep everything safe and warm when the deformed glasses slip off my face and land in the car. When I pick them up, the lens is missing. I searched frantically for it. In all of my bags. On the floor. I moved things and looked and relooked. All the while, people keep interrupting me to park in the spot next to me. I cannot find it. I need to get on the road and I am starting to get highly agitated.

I finally give up looking and start on my way. I really had no clue how I was going to do this. I can drive without my glasses. I’m not blind. I do just fine all day long. But, in the dark, unless I really know the streets, they are pretty much a necessity. Especially for deliveries. I have no clue how I am going to work this. Off I set, one lens in and one lens out. [Diddle diddle dumplin’ my son John.]

I did Ok it was just very awkward and I was kinda pissy. One night was one thing but if I lost that lens I really didn’t know how I was going to manage. [The Voice assured me it was not lost.]

So, I make the first Chinese delivery. I pick up the order at the other restaurant and drop it off. Then I see it. The second Chinese order I have in the car is the very order that I had rejected. This pushed me over the top. I was just fuming at this point. Mostly just due to frustration. Needless to say, my night was done. Mostly for the very reason I didn’t take the job in the first place. By the time I would get back to a workable and comfortable area, I would have missed the best part of dinner. Also because I was just too irritated. I can’t drive like that. It’s dangerous for everybody. [Thankfully, it rarely is an issue.]

I continued on my way – bitchin’ and moanin’ to T.O.T.S. the whole time. I was pissy about the app hiding that order in there. I would have never taken the double order if I had known. Forget the delivery point I was only making like $9 for the whole shebang. NEVER would I have accepted that if I had known what I was getting myself into. I was pissy about the glasses. I mean seriously, I was going to fix them that night. WTF?!

I made the last drop off. The client was waiting at the door. Turns out she was a cute lil twenty-something Latina in very short shorts. Oddly, I found myself not quite as upset anymore. I handed her the order and she smiled, “Have a nice night.”

I walked away thinking, “I just did.”

Now I’m making my way back to the house. I’m still pissy about the situation as a whole and I am letting it be known. I mean, why? Why is this always the way things go? I’m all for challenges and obstacles and such but I just can’t seem to catch a break. I go from one right into the other. Everytime I think I can start to do better for myself I am hit with something else. Why??

“Do you survive,” asked The Voice.

“Yes.”

“Are you fed, clothed, sheltered?”

“Yes.”

“Your bills get paid and whenever you have needed money for something unexpected it works out, no?”

“Yes.”

And that is when I had this week’s Observation. G-d can Handle the Money.

G-d has a plan and he is working it. Even, and especially, when it seems contrary to our own plans.

I survived Friday and had a very decent Saturday morning and lunch. I did take a rest on Saturday between breakfast and lunch. That was the first rest I had taken in days. I made it from waking to sleep both Thursday and Friday. So, I took my rest. In fact, till the day was over I had taken two.

I came back to the house for my afternoon break and just could not get motivated to leave for dinner. I was only going to have a brief time on the road because I had to go to The Theatre. I tried. Don’t think I didn’t. I was loaded in the car and all.

My end resolution was that I didn’t really ‘need’ to drive. It would just be advantageous. I didn’t really feel like making the [brief] haul to my area. So, instead, I stayed in the car and turned on the apps to see what would come across. I found other little projects with which to entertain myself and that is how I spent about an hour and a half.

A few gigs came through, but nothing really workable. One was an offer of $4.07 to drive 10.7 miles. I wasn’t doing that. The other two had impressive fares but also longer drives and to areas I wouldn’t drive on a regular shift. I thought about them. I weighed them. But in the grand scheme of things they were too much hassle and gas for what my night would gain.

When the time came, I headed to The Theatre. I found myself glad that I took the extra rest time. For whatever reason, it was a particularly challenging night. Along the way, the possibility of working today came up. My initial response was that I didn’t know and I’d have to look at it. At last calculation, I had a decent amount of money to make today. It would have taken a full day of driving.

Nonetheless, when I got a chance, I took another look at things – no driving, added income from The Theatre, etc. It actually could work. In fact, I could actually come out a little bit ahead. Without driving all day, I was going to have no need to get gas.

It is the prime example of this week’s Observation. [Which, perhaps, should become a Lesson.] G-d can Handle the Money. All of the twists and turns and unexpected goings-on and it still all works out. I’m not quite achieving what I want, but I am still achieving what I need. Every part of my week has brought me to that point.

Do not Worry About Tomorrow, for Tomorrow Shall Take Care of Itself.

The Father Knows What You Need Before You Need It.

Everyday, The Father Feeds the Beasts of the Wild and Clothes the Flowers in the Field. What Makes You Think You are any Less than These?

Today was a little…different.

I had a very strange night last night. I found myself traversing planes and ended in a very dark place for me. Perhaps one of the darkest in some time. I’m not so upset about that. In the experience I found a bit of strength and encouragement. In the end, I came out of it feeling pretty alright.

I had gone to bed immediately afterwards. Dreamtime was definitely present. I can remember it happening. I can remember acknowledging it as such. I can remember seeing and hearing. But I can’t remember what any of it actually was. But I awoke feeling fairly refreshed.

Then I had a scary and intense moment.

I had been warming up coffee in the microwave. I wanted to put it in my travel mug to go to The Theatre. While the coffee was heating, I realized the mug was ice cold from being left in The Rocket overnight.

Now, I have put this mug in the microwave a thousand times. I mean, its always been full, but its been there time and time again. So, I figured I would through it in for like 10-20 seconds and just warm it up so it didn’t instantly cool my coffee. I stood there and watched. I didn’t want it in real long. Just long enough. All of a sudden there was buzzing and cracking and small burst of what looked like flame.

My heart definitely raced. But also, whatever rays and energies were emitted from that lil pop hit me right in the heart chakra. I did not realize it at first. I just assumed what I was feeling was still my heart racing from the moment. But on my way to The Theatre I could feel it. I was having a very strange energy surge. It was quite unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

[And for the record, the microwave seems to be fine.]

That was my week. Now, in other news and somewhat looking forward.

First – I do not know what will happen with the blog over the next few weeks. I have spent a good portion of my free time this week putting this one together. I can’t have that right now. I am at a point where I need my time to manage certain things. But, I am also at a point when capturing the moments and experiences may be critical to the project and the journey.

I do have some videos that are mostly ready to be processed and uploaded. I also have the side writing. The one that I have been waiting to share. Perhaps it is time to begin sharing that. It is a writing that will take more than one post. In any case, no matter how I proceed, know that I am not disappearing, Fellow Travelers, and that, truly, our tale is just beginning.

I find myself still in that Void-ish kind of state. In Case You are Just Joining Us, and don’t know, Right this Moment, the closing on this house is currently scheduled for [on or about] December 17th. That is the day I must be out and moving on. Right this Moment, I do not know to what, exactly, I am moving on. For as much as I know at this point, it seems it will be back to The Rocket.

I am not thrilled with this. Not in the slightest. First and foremost, as I have repeatedly stated, so much of my life just hinges on being in a home. I can only do or be less while living in a vehicle. But, also, it is already bitter cold overnight, and we have yet to hit the dead of winter. But, then…

The Father Always Knows What You Need Before You Need It.

G-d has a Plan. The most I can do Right This Moment is keep dealing with whatever is placed before me and hope for the best. See what is in store. Worst case scenario – I end up back in The Rocket. I can do that. I can be as prepared as possible for that. Then, from there, just keep on keeping on.

As I said, I have had a few side projects going with WTML. Some are ready to be published and some are not. I also have a bigger project in the works. It is something for early next year. It is actually something I needed to discuss with Lil boss last night in order to put plans into motion.

As much as I tout remaining comfortable, composed, and confident my financial outlook appears more and more challenging with each passing day. I am just getting caught up with garage bills – about 3 more weeks of payments. I had to add the hotspot plan to my phone so I could function better around the house. That took that bill up quite a bit. Suddenly, I have graduation and school costs for one daughter and a payment plan for the band trip to Disney next December for the other. I want to give Brother John and Sister Jen some money towards the trash removal and electric for the time I have been here. I have this year’s tax payment due by March 3rd, closely followed by next year’s tax payment. I really do need new glasses. And, I haven’t even thought about Yule yet.

Speaking of Yule, I have yet to receive even just a piece of The List. This has me so very curioused.

WALT: Yes, Looch, we did that on purpose. Just for you.

DOC: Ja! It’s true.

It is getting a little late in the season, perhaps, to not have even heard a little whisper. I understand that things don’t usually fire up to full force until after Thanksgiving, but when you consider the complications I will soon face in accomplishing anything, you might think that a head’s up would be nice.

The closest thing to a whisper that I have received is that I have two pieces to make for The Princesses. That may be the whole of their Christmas. Sad, but true.

But then I got to thinking and I had a thought. [Fancy that.] I do not know if it was The Voice, whispering secrets, or if it was my own desperate and pathetic soul scratching for some understanding or consolation in this crazy, fucked up life I live. But there was a thought.

What if this is my Yule?

For twenty years I have dedicated myself to The Old Man and his List. I have spent many a Christmas Eve working through the night to assure that all the presents could be delivered on time. Typically, those last few days are just one long sleepless night.

For twenty years I have scraped and managed and struggled and juggled all to complete [sometimes] the most random list of gifts and magicks. Never did I imagine that the simple act of switching coats was a deal no different than signing a contract with Mephistopheles.

It is the best deal I’ve ever made. Truth. It has changed my life and altered my experience of this time of year a great deal. For it, I have been mocked and harassed and even shunned. Still, I say that one moment may be the most significant of my lifetime. That one simple act of [almost] unseeable magick. Almost. Because I did see it. I saw the flicker the moment it happened. I knew it for certain when I saw that twinkle in his eye. That twinkle only exists in one place in all of The Universe.

Nonetheless, deals were made and The List would soon become such a very large part of my life. At times it has seemed as though the whole of my year was geared solely towards The Old Man’s List.

I stopped asking for things for myself at Yule. I mean, I never really asked for much anyway. [Between me and the Universe. The only people I have given gift ideas to are The Princesses.] When I did have a request, it was never tangible and always most unlikely. I just want everyone to be happy. I want us to believe again, to know that magick and miracles still exist. I want The World to find understanding and true peace. I really do. [It can all be so very different the moment we choose it. But, Choices Were Made, and they just haven’t always been the best ones.] Besides, I had learned along the way that, much like G-d and the money, The Old Man seems quite capable of managing my Yuletide blessings all on his own.

But, if I were going to ask The Old Man for anything this year, it would be a home. Yes, for oh so many selfish reasons. I mean, it’s nice. Four walls. A bed. A shower when I need it. The ability to eat actual food. Who wouldn’t want that.?

But also, because I am very aware that I cannot continue on much longer without one. I can’t do anything living out of a vehicle. My life becomes delivering food and sleeping. And it doesn’t matter how much I work because it just ends up costing me so much money in gas and so much money in food that I just don’t ever get ahead. I can’t take on extra things such as The Theatre and The College and whatever other randomness comes my way. It just becomes too much to manage with the regular restrictions and constrictions which I am under. I cannot wholly commit to my dedication to Divinity. Nor, can I continue to work at The Old Man’s List. For these things to work I need a place from which I can function – regularly and solidly.

A home has been in my sights since before leaving The Nest. From what I understood at that time it seemed totally possible. It was going to take some time and a lot of work but I truly believed I could do it. I set out to do it. I have put in long, challenging weeks of driving. I have taken on random miscellaneous things. I have even filled out [or tried to] applications. Still, months later I am absolutely no closer to that Goal. I have not been able to do it on my own.

If I were to use The Wheel of life at this point I would have to say that the Themes, Lessons, and Observations of late are all trying to tell me that that is just it. I can’t do it on my own. G-d has a Plan and I need to let him work it. (Because It Works if You Work It.) Beyond that, all I can do is Follow the Flow – The Path[s] of Least Resistance.

My week ahead is fairly simple and straightforward. But, then, they all are at the beginning of the week.

Monday I am focusing on driving and trying to take care of all my miscellany – picking up stuff at Olde Geistopia, my bi-weekly store runs, picking up more wood pellets. I want all of this done so that I can focus strictly on driving on Tuesday.

Now, Wednesday is the New Moon. So, my original plan was to take off part of Tuesday night and all of Wednesday – as per the new Cycle. However, we will see. It is a challenging week financially. I have quite a bit that I need to earn, and I have a few bumps in the road along the way. For instance, my Moon Cycle. Also, I am working at The Theatre as opposed to driving on Thursday. They always do a show on Thanksgiving and it is always packed. In fact, next year they are running twice on Thanksgiving and both of those shows are already sold out. It is an all hands on deck affair and without a dishwasher they will be fucked. The truth is, going in for dishes that day works with the rest of my plans.

The Princesses are coming on Wednesday to spend the night. [I’ll circle back to this in a moment.] They will stay through all of Thursday morning. I’m not sure how much delivery will be happening on Thursday. Quite a few places are closed for the day and many close around lunchtime. This gives me the chance to work and make some money and not let that day be a total loss.

At this point – Friday through Sunday are planned to be strictly driving and as much of it as I can tolerate. Of course, we will see how life [in particular, The Theatre] shifts that by the time we get there.

As I said, The Princesses are coming Wednesday into Thursday. We are doing all of our holiday-ing in that time. I mean all of it. Or, at least, as much as we can squeeze in.

We have our plans for dinner and desserts/snacks. We are going to watch Miracle on 34th Street. We are going to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade [if I can find it streaming.] I am even going to introduce them to Arlo Guthree’s Alice’s Restaurant.

We will have one of our homemade breakfasts on Thursday and on Wednesday night we are making The Family Hot Chocolate. This is actually more of a Christmas tradition, but we do not currently know where I will be at Christmas or if we will even get to celebrate it together. So, as usual with them, the Goal is to live as much of our lives as we can in less than 24 hours.

To that end, we are also going to do some Christmas decorating. Cuddlebug asked me if I am sure I want to go through all of that just to have it up a couple weeks before I have to take it down and pack it away.

ABSOLUTELY!!

We have not really had much Christmas for four years. The last three, I would see them when and where I could. The first two years I rented rooms on New Year’s Eve. We would spend that holiday together and celebrate our Christmas. Last year, I had just moved into The Nest. So, again, we got together at New Year’s and attached Christmas to the experience.

Last year, I was able to decorate a little bit. Like I said, I had just moved in days before Christmas. So, I snagged a few little things at Dollar Tree just to give The Nest a bit of a festive vibe. But this year is different.

This year, because of my task of reorganizing my storage stuff, we have the opportunity to actually get out some of our own Christmas stuff. To my surprise, we have quite a few tubs filled with it. It is all stuff we haven’t seen in four years. I promise you that no one from Company went up into the top of the garage so my daughters could have their stuff.

And there is all sorts of stuff. They each have a small colored tree that they would put up in their bedroom. With those were all of the ornaments I have made them over the years. They were part of The List. It became a whole thing. I would make the ornaments in The Cave. Then, Christmas Eve Santa would come by the house to deliver them.

I mean he would actually come by and visit. He would hang out and chat with us and sing some songs, having Craze join him for Twelve Days of Christmas. Finally, he would give the girls the ornaments and some other random trinkets. In fact, this is how The Family Hot Chocolate began. He would stay and join us for a cup of homemade Hot Chocolate every year.

Now, of course, this wasn’t the real Santa. He’s way too busy for such things on Christmas Eve. But, if there was ever a person who could totally embody the Old Man’s Christmas Spirit, it was this guy.

So, yes. Absolutely. If we have an opportunity to share in our Christmas Traditions – even for just a moment – then we are doing it. I don’t care how much stress or work it causes me at the tail end of things. It will be worth it and I will deal with it then.

The truth is, decorating will serve like a three-fold purpose. First, obviously, we get to have a bit of the holidays to hold on to as we move our lives forward. Second, getting all out means we get to go through all of it. That means we can also discard anything unnecessary. Which brings us to number three – Repacking for storage in The Cave. This is the ultimate Goal anyway. Once we discard stuff and see what we have left, I can know how to pack it up best. Plus, there is a bonus to this part of it all.

I have mentioned before that I do have some décor out. Such as the vinyl album artwork The Princesses had gotten me for my birthday this year. I never had a chance to display it. Like everything else, it has been stored up in The Cave. So, I put it out on a shelf here allowing me to see it and appreciate it before it has to go back to The Cave. As I have sorted through all of these boxes of tossed around miscellany from The Cave, I have found other little knick knacks that I have put out here or there. It makes it all feel a little more like home and that is a feeling with which I am not very familiar.

Anyway, all of that stuff eventually needs to be packed up and hauled back to The Cave for safe keeping. The bonus is thus. There is a long standing Geistopian tradition around Yuletide. In as much as possible, all regular decorations and whatnot must be put away, leaving only the Christmas decorations out and about. So, bonus? As we put out the Christmas stuff, I can be planning my packing of the stuff we just gathered from the shelves.

Ohhh…and FYI – itt turns out that the Mystery Bird was indeed an owl. I finally heard him last night. [*shivers* Still sends chills.]

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

I was bad at noticing or acknowledging Totems this week. The only one I really noted has already been mentioned.

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.

And in follow-up…

*I was actually trying to get a head start on the post this morning when I wrote the above. Then I was driving home from The Theatre [for the second time] and I was just thinking about how something is brewing. Just then this hawk swoops across the road land on a branch and watches me as I drive under. I look in the side view mirror after I passed and he is gone. Just like that.*

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Beaver - The Building of Dreams

Breath and its control for the greatest health and effectiveness. Home and family. The opportunity to build upon your dreams. The ancient and mystical Masons. Proper dental hygiene and care will be essential. Poplar and Aspen. Have you been neglecting your most basic dreams? Are your dreams in need of some repair work? Becoming too lost in dreams? Home in need of repair? Act on your dreams to make them a reality.

Cricket –[from Spirit-animal.com]

Like the Ladybug and the Dragonfly, Cricket symbolism is a sign of exceptional luck. Furthermore, this spirit animal says that the things that you have been working toward and dreaming about are now possible. Therefore, Cricket meaning directs you to stay open to guidance and messages so that you will know what you have to do. You may be guided to buy a lottery ticket, interview for a new job, or be in the right place at the right time. In other words, Cricket symbolism is letting you know that all things are possible right now. All you have to do is feel that you deserve it! Similar to the Robin and the Whale, people with Cricket totem know how to sing their songs loud and clear! In other words, they love to use the power of their voice to attract what they want in life. These folks also have a gift for finding their way through awkward moments with panache and aplomb. People with this spirit animal are excellent communicators, love to walk their talk and are often vegetarian. In fact, like the Deer totem, they understand the power of music and will usually have a career that uses music as a form of healing.

Flamingo [black] [spirit-animals.com]– Flamingo symbolism is reminding you to get in touch with your emotions. It is a good idea to allow yourself to feel so that you can process your feelings. Furthermore, this spirit animal will enable you to grow through releasing issues. In other words, if you bottle things up, you will find yourself reacting rather than acting appropriately. Therefore, the Flamingo meaning dictates that you must allow yourself to release your feelings so that you can come into balance again. Alternatively, like the Prairie Dog, Flamingo symbolism may be letting you know that it is time for you to get out and socialize. Therefore it is time to have some fun in your life. Moreover, socializing will help let go of stressful situations and coming to terms with changes in your life. Correspondingly, this bird also brings new ideas and options that will come to you while immersing yourself in the company of others. It will also allow you to find balance and gratitude for what you have. It will give you a greater appreciation of those around you. Conversely, Flamingo symbolism may be pointing out that you are blending in a bit too well right now. In other words, you need to allow yourself to be different and to think for yourself. Thus, the Flamingo meaning prompts you to maintain your individuality within the crowds.

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places

A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind.

Mouse - Attention to Detail.

It is either time to pay attention to details, or an indication that you cannot see the forest for the trees. You may be getting so locked into details that you forget the big picture. Are you taking care of the trivial, yet necessary, things of life? Are you getting so lost in big dreams that you are neglecting other aspects of your life? Are you becoming so focused on one or two activities that you are neglecting other opportunities? Are you missing what is right in front of you? Is there something obvious that you are missing or need to focus on? Are you trying to do too many things at once and therefore scattering your energies? Mouse can show how to pay attention to detail; how to attain the big things by working on the little things. Lessons associated with attention.

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dar of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy.