S8EP5: A Dream is a Wish the Heart Makes

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

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The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

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FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

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The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

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Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

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Brother John

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The Nameless One

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PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, December 4, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Extending

Theme – Do Less, Have More

This has been one of my Principles since the beginning. It is also the one I have the most difficulty following. I first took notice to this Theme through an associate. He has started delivery driving with one of the apps I use. He had a fairly good week for doing it around his job. He did about half of what I would hope to do in a week working two apps. It made me think about last year and how I was doing just that with one app. It was all I did and all I focused on. It made me wonder if I shouldn’t just focus on one app. Or maybe just one app each day or each shift. Maybe. There are advantages to working two at a time. But then I also took notice to it in the flow of my days. I have myself so scattered and frenzied and I seem to get very little accomplished as I go. I need to refocus and balance this somehow. Nothing is going to change the workload itself. It is what it is. But I must find a different way to get myself through it. Do less hectic, and have more done?

Lesson – Don’t Work Too Hard, Only Hard Enough

I say this to people all the time. And I mean it. But, perhaps, not in the way people hear it. Every job, every task, requires a certain degree of work, effort, and energy to complete or accomplish. Very often the job or task at hand will require hard work. Sometimes, a great deal of it. Then it should be done. If that is what it takes, it should be done. That is working hard enough. Likewise, very often a task or job can be very minimal. Yet, we can have a tendency to make things more complicated than they are. We overthink, overdo, overstretch. We stress and worry and plot and replot and plan and replan. We push. However, when it is all over we have still done the same job, nothing more. We only spent more of ourselves making it happen. That is working too hard. Work Smart, Not Hard.

Observation – I Don’t Know How to Live

I don’t. I’m not sure I ever did. I don’t know how to live or do. I only know how to be. As much as I may want the life that everyone chases – home, family, job – I don’t know how to live that life. I’m just no good at it. I have chased it for so long. I have tried so many combinations of things. Still, I am never any closer. I have found, though, that when I just be – relaxed, free, myself – and let The Universe just be as well, things work out in the most extraordinary ways.

The Post

It was really quite the week. I am glad I documented as I went along because Right This Moment I can’t remember a thing. Even this morning seems like Once Upon Ago.

Today, as a whole, was a good day. I was up earlier than I have been the past few days. I set to my morning pretty much right away – devotions, rituals, dishes, etc. I even did some writing and video editing. Still, I found I had all of this time available.

I had to go in to The theatre at noon today, so I didn’t want to get too deep into anything. However, I piddled about, moving things into place and staging myself for working at things moving forward. I have an idea of how I would like to see my week go.

Unfortunately, tonight is off to a rough and slow start. The Theatre really kicks my ass anymore. I mean, I realize I have been doing some serious healing work the past few days, but still it messed me up. I am very sore and tight. I haven’t let it stop me completely. I made dinner, including hand mashed potatoes. I got laundry started. Now I am trying to do this. But I do ache.

That’s why I don’t want to do The Theatre while living in The Rocket. I leave there all wet and sore and dirty. In The Rocket there is no relief. I just sit and be wet and sore. Unfortunately, I am on rotation for December 18th and that is after I am gone from here. That day could suck.

They did find another dishwasher and this guy seems like he will work out. [From what I hear.] It is kind of sad. I do like going in there. They are great people with a great staff and I really like what they do. But I don’t think it is a life for me and it certainly isn’t something at which I can make a living. [Not at this time.]

I don’t really know how I’m feeling. All things considered – pretty good, I guess. I’m pretty much right where I always am – Life is what it is and no matter what it is I will find a way to live it as best I can.

On with the week…

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Every moment feels like my last.

The Darkness really rolled my world hard and it has taken me a week to process enough of it to be able to start processing it all. [If that makes any sense.] It is hard to believe that it is only about a week. The whole thing was that intense for me – on many levels.

Part of me is waiting for another shoe to drop. I don’t know how I feel about that. I’d hate, for so many reasons, for it to come to that. But, perhaps it would all be well deserved. Choices Were Made. So, one more shoe should drop, all I can do is deal with it the best I can and try to maintain faith and hope.

If it does not drop then I must give thanks. Not for the shoe, not for getting by. I must give thanks for the lessons and the awareness and the clarity of mind. The Darkness jogged many things. Most of them good. [In the Grand Scheme of things.] It came in a sucky way, but it came in a way I needed to wake me up and get some senses back about me.

The hardest thing for me to accept is that I have been lost for a very long time – even on my path. It’s not that I think the path itself has been wrong or off. I just think I never fully comprehended it. I don’t think I quite grasped the weight of it, the seriousness, the severity.

Suddenly, I do.

[Oddly, the same could be said of The Darkness as well.]

This sudden revelation has me wondering and pondering how I can put my absolute best out into The Universe. I mean, that’s really all I’ve ever wanted. But, I was too concerned with myself, and more importantly [and unfortunately] how The World perceived me. That never led to anything good.

Nonetheless, here we are, Fellow Travelers, another week gone.

Once again, I am starting early, in the hopes that it lightens my load just a bit throughout the week. Right this moment it is still Tuesday night, but the outset of my week has been so intense so far that it seemed worthwhile to purge it now.

I am having a rough go of it. Some of this is recuperating from the intensity of last week. Some of it is just facing last week in general. Some of it is healing. Some of it is just exhaustion in general.

I’ve had good days and I don’t want you to think anything different. I am happy and content with the past 48 hours. I’m just kind of aching and hurting on all sorts of levels at the moment and that makes it difficult to muddle through the days. I’ve taken care of business, but I am feeling a little lost in things.

So, first, let’s talk about my commitment for this week and those that closely follow. I am trying to just…be. I have spent quite some time now trying to do. I haven’t done. I have survived. I have gotten by. I have even accomplished. But I have not done what I, personally, set out to do. I was reaching for the near impossible, but I couldn’t let that deter me. It was too important to me. I pushed and tried because, well, G-d helps those who help themselves.

Ask & It Is Given. I have asked, so many times and in so many ways, still I have not received. I do not believe that this means it is not mine to achieve. I just think maybe my approach has been off. I’ve said it several times over the past few weeks, but maybe instead of trying to do things my way – or in the way I see them – I need to just follow the flow and let Spirit guide me.

That is exactly what I am trying to do theses days. I am just doing what feels right in the moment.

I am suffering in my Sacral Chakra. This is no surprise. This has been my trouble spot for a long time – both spiritually and physically. It relates directly to The Darkness and everything associated with it, such as the Self-Worthlessness and addictions. So, I am not at all surprised that it is acting up in its own ways.

Today, I am also suffering from tightness in my right shoulder blade area.

I came into the week with a lot to do and a lot of money to earn. I also had a plan to achieve both…or at least the money. I knew already on Monday morning that my plan wasn’t the plan at all.

I worked on last week’s post for six straight hours on Sunday night. It took me into the wee hours. I slept but not very long. When I woke, I kept feeling the urge to not rush out the door. As long as I was on the road working by 1030 my day would be what it needed to be. I followed that. I took my time through my morning. I moved slow and tried to focus solely on the moment at hand. I worked until the end of lunch, came back to the house for a rest and to piddle around with this and that. Then I hit dinner and finally came home to start in on the repacking. I wanted to do more of it but it was soon time to sleep.

I awoke this morning at an early hour and had myself out on the road in time to hit the beginning of the breakfast push. I worked until I had an acceptable breakfast under my belt. That actually didn’t take long. I then stopped for a rest because I have been excessively worn out the past several days. I went deep into Dreamtime. A whole lot of Crown Chakra stuff that I just do not have it within myself to write about at this time.

When I woke, I ran a couple of errands and then worked lunch. I worked lunch until lunch was no longer working for me. Then a couple more errands, such as groceries, and back to the house. I put the groceries away. I took another rest. I worked at a bit of this and that. Then back out for just a bit of dinner.

I called it rather early tonight. I came home and made an almost real dinner – some meat, baked potatoes, broccoli. I even had some actual dinner rolls left from Thanksgiving. I put things in order and cleaned up. I worked on my other writing. [Which it is soon time to begin sharing – if I haven’t already.] And, now, I am working on this. I am fighting my way through it because I really just want to lay down and sleep. But, when I sleep, I want it to be restful. I want to know that I did Just Enough today to make tomorrow a little easier.

With the exception of Saturday, the rest of my days this week should be fairly easy and straightforward. I have to work – Just Enough to do what needs to be done. Beyond that, I must tackle these projects, one by one.

Financially, I came into this week all sorts of backwards. I had a bill from last week that I had to move to this week. In order to make that work, it had to be done first thing Monday morning. So, I started my week $139 behind myself. Though I would have until Tuesday before it would process in my bank.

On top of that I had not gotten gas on Sunday, So I had to do it Monday morning. That was another $45. Now, I did have money floating from last week [for gas] so that $45 was actually covered. My only concern then was this bill.

I pecked and calculated all day long to track my progress. It was going to take my whole day to keep that right. I got myself within $1.11 of my total. I was OK with that. The funny thing is, when I did my final tally at the end of my night, I found I was actually $2.79 ahead of myself and that inclided the gas deduction. So, I started today fresh and new.

I had host of things to do and money to spend today. I had groceries and Christmas-ing and tobacco and I needed to buy a new travel mug. Along the way, I bought myself a lunch, because I just didn’t feel like packing one this morning, and I also bought myself a small gift – A Santa Coffee Mug.

Now the comffee mug and the Christmas-ing were put on my credit card. That was the plan all along, even though I also included the Christmas-ing into my income budget for the week. I hesitated on the mug. I really did. But, in the end, I just had to follow the flow…and I still spent less than I budgeted. One of the Christmas items was 50% off and the mug itself was 60% off. It cost me ony $4.40. I am so glad I decided to let myself do that.

Overall, I spent less than I had planned today. I was over quite a bit on my grocery run, but most of that was the Travel Mug. [Which I did need.] I made Just Enough to cover what needs to be covered.

I have to work at The Theatre on Saturday and I have XX amount of dollars to make each of the other four days. It is not an unrealistic number either. It should be quite easy to achieve on each and every one of those days. I do that and I should have Just Enough to meet my actual current needs, plus maybe a little.

That is all I can really ask for, ena? It is all that is promised. You will always have what you need when you need it. As long as I can achieve that, then the rest of my focus is for whatever The Universe sees fit.

My plan at the moment is to head off to bed. In the morning I must soak. I can’t go another day without it. Then I will do my day as it happens. When the money is made, I will call it a day and take care of other business.

I will do the same for each and every other day and we will see where we come to by the end of the week.

Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Right This Moment, I am living the perfect life. Right this moment. I may feel different in the next. But, Right This Moment, all is right with the world. I am once again at my make-shift desk, watching the evening traffic rush home. The Christmas tree and lights are on. Candles flicker in every room. Vanilla incense burns. [It was the closest thing to a Christmas scent I could come up with on short notice.] Some chill music drifts through the room. All is silent and peaceful and still.

Let’s just hope it is not the calm before the storm.

(But then, red at night sailor’s delight.)

But, it is not just the atmosphere. The whole day has been rather powerful.

I did as I said, Fellow Travelers. Except for the Ritual Soak, which was so very necessary, I took this entire day – from beginning to end – as it came. I woke early. Too early, honestly. I was awake at 0430 and I had absolutely no need for that. But I ran with it.

I wanted to be out driving somewhere between 0930-1030. All I had to do was get my soak in [which does include a shower and shave.] I took advantage of all of my time. I moved slowly. I moved focused. I didn’t push anything at all. I set the time in my head for when I would need to start the soak process in order to be on the road on time. Then, I just went about my morning.

I’m not sure how it happened but somehow I was already done and dressed by my Goal time and I was out on the road driving by 0755. In and around all of that, I set my day. I made lunch and coffee. I figured out my tasks and chores. I out away last night’s dishes and washed this morning’s.

My breakfast shift was strong. I even managed to sneak in a rest between 1030-1100. Lunch was also strong. It had me finishing by 1300. I ended that last delivery only a few miles north of the house. So, I figured it was a good time for the afternoon downtime.

I had a good afternoon. I didn’t even take a rest, which is odd. I did, however, wrestle with The Demon and The Darkness for a bit. I will every day for a while. It is a battle I am winning, but have not won. But, beyond that, I started getting things packed up. In fact, everything that was on the first floor is done. I only have a few more piles to take care of and it will all be done. I also brought the trash and recycle bins back and managed to reset the pellet stove. It was time to empty the ashes. So, I turned it off before I left this morning to let it all cool. Then in the afternoon I emptied the ashes, reloaded the stove and got it lit for tonight. All the while, I have been juggling the laundry. I started it in the washer before I left this morning. I threw it in the dryer when I got home in the afternoon.

So, I get all this stuff done and I am feeling quite accomplished, but also a bit unmotivated. I was good on the packing up and the chores for a moment. I settled into a little solitaire. I contemplated not going back out tonight. I only needed $25 to make the day and that’s easy to fill in over the next few. I figured I could clean, get back into packing up, just take care of miscellaneous things. I went back to my game, kind of unresolved on the whole matter.

Now, I was feeling a little restless. I tossed it back and forth. I didn’t really feel like going out but I had plenty of time to do so and I had such a very little but left to make. I could make it in very little time. That I knew. Though it was still kind of early. I finally decided to go out.

I took my first delivery at 1533 and I was back at the house by 1645. In between, I did a total of 3 deliveries. I not only made my $25, but another $28 on top of that.

Now, I am done.

There was a beautiful sky on the way back to the house. It just had such power. [That’s just a random thought that popped in my head.]

For now, I am settling into some writing. I want to make The Family Hot Chocolate in a little bit and some idle chores while it heats. I’ll maybe get myself together for the morning. Perhaps even a shower. Maybe even another soak. [I’m really twisted lately.]

I am on track financially this week. I’m actually fairly balanced and perhaps even just a bit ahead of myself. This is a nice change from the past several weeks. For the first time in like over a month I actually feel like I have a grasp on my life. I can make the money I need to make to do what I need to do [and perhaps Just Enough to do what I want.] I can get things done.

What I learned of The Darkness today is that it has become habit. [Obviously.] It has been, more than anything, an act of boredom. Boredom and restlessness. It gave me something to do when I couldn’t figure out what to do. It wiled away the pointless moments of waiting to go or to do.

The trick, then, in defeating it, is to find other ways to fill those voids. I need to find other ways to spend the time and expel the energy. I’m actually hoping that when I manage that, I can then apply it to cigarettes. I have said for a long time that 90% of my habit is strictly boredom. Boredom and Restlessness.

I also understand that I need to focus on The Christ Light a little more. It has come to guide me through this process. I’ve said that I don’t really like calling on it. I revere it too much. Or, perhaps, I fear it too much. [I’m tellin’ ya. It’s that whole prophet thing – looked into the full presence of G-d and wept because he suddenly understood all of his sins and knew his unworthiness – despite a life of good deeds. Who was that? Was that Isaiah? Isaiah’s got a thing going on. A lot happens in Isaiah.]

I think I am off to the Hot Chocolate.

Right This Moment, life is everything I ever dreamed it to be. It is exactly as it should be and precisely what it should have been all along. That is, Right This Moment.

The next might change all that.

Thursday, December 1, 2022

It is 1441. I am sitting at my new favorite spot at the computer, on the table, by the window.

I may be here for a few days.

So, the first part of my day went well. It did. I was very satisfied. I got out early enough. I made good money over breakfast. [Well, acceptable anyway.] I grabbed a rest then ran to The Cave to scope out how to clean it up to repack and even stopped by The Putter’s to wish him a happy birthday.

Then I hit the streets for lunch and was having a strong day. I was well on my way to making my Goal for the day. Once again, I got that delivery all the way out to Kutztown and once again I thought maybe I would just call lunch after that. This time I actually did it. I could make the rest of what I needed over dinner very easily.

I decided, instead, that I would make the 27 minute drive to the hardware store for pellets and then to the house to drop them off. Then I could take my break. At some point on that drive I noticed that the battery indicator was on. I don’t know when it happened. The truth is, my arm generally blocks my view of it. [which I actually realized in that moment lol.]

I did some quick research and determined that it was most likely the alternator. My Bluetooth charger has a voltage meter on it, so I plugged it in and it showed the voltage being low. I immediately called the mechanic. The general consensus is that it is the alternator. I couldn’t do any more driving today.

Thank G-d, I noticed it. Thank G-d I had already decided to be heading home. Thank G-d it didn’t happen sooner or someplace more inconvenient. Thank G-d I was able to get The Rocket home – even with the stop for wood pellets. [Because those I need too.]

The Blessed Curse.

The unfortunate part is that The Mechanic may not be able to get me in tomorrow. It is inspection time and they are mad swamped. Which, I figured. If not tomorrow, then it must wait until Monday.

Thank G-d I have all the food and supplies I need for a few days. Thank G-d I have Just Enough funds to cover my remaining bills for this week. [Though there are two that will go unpaid. One of those is The Mechanic.]

The Blessed Curse.

I don’t even know what to tell you, Fellow Travelers. It just seems my fate. I can’t catch a break. But, I refuse to let it get me down. I refuse to get angered or worried. In The Grand Scheme of things all is OK. I have what I need. The absolute critical bills are taken care of. No harm.

Everything Happens for a Reason

If it is happening now then there is a reason. So, I will make the most of whatever time I am given during a shutdown. I have 101 projects on which to work. I want to clean – both the house and the car. I could use some extra down time to just sit, maybe play some game. I’ll through out a hook and see if I can catch a Tarot Reading or Reiki Session. Arrangements have been made and I am going to work at The Theatre on Sunday instead of Saturday and I can get a ride in if I have to do so.

Precise & Perfectly Placed.

Thank G-d it happened now and not in another week, or, worse, in another two or three. What would I do if I found myself in this situation without a home to which I can retreat. If this happened in three weeks, I would be totally crewed. I would be trapped someplace random in my vehicle. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. No access to food or restrooms.

Thank G-d I left the house when I did this morning. I had contemplated tending to another task or two but decided to just head out the door. Who knows how a different decision would have impacted my day? Time and location. Those are the big influences in the delivery day. Starting even just a few moments later would have changed the entire flow of my day and I could have gotten caught with my pants down.

WALT: Wouldn’t be the first time.

So, that has been my day so far. Now, I am just going to fade into whatever comes next.

[I told you the next moment may shift things.]

Friday, December 2, 2022

It was quite the day. I wasn’t certain that I was going to write today. But, it was quite the day.

I woke at a normal time. Not quite as early as I would have liked, or even thought, but still early enough to take this bull of a day by the horns. I can’t even tell you what I did to start the day. The usual, I suppose – finances, email, lists, etc. Eventually, I would feel like it was time to call The Mechanic and deal with this Rocket situation.

I called early. It was earlier than the mechanics arrive, but I also knew there was someone there manning the phones. And I knew who. I was just going to leave a message for the one guy to call me at his own convenience. I had resolved to tell them to just let it ride until Monday. They were swamped and I could get by.

Well, the call went straight through to the owner’s personal phone. There was a glitch with their phone system. I told him what was going on with The Rocket. He was going to work on his phone situation and then call me back.

By the time he called me back, his situation had worsened quite a bit. Still, he told me to have The Rocket towed to them. I insisted that he was not to add any stress to the day trying to squeeze me in. These guys have done more than enough for me over the past year. My situation was not dire. Nonetheless, by the end of the day, The Rocket was done and I had gotten a ride to pick it up.

For me, this is one of those moments that make ya go, “hmmm.” You can see it so many different ways. I mean it was sucky. Who really needed that now? And that is one way you could see it – Karma, punishment, bad luck. [“Oh, why me, Lord?”] But, it seems so much more to me.

Perhaps, it was a test just to see how I would react, regroup, and respond. Perhaps, by remaining calm and assured, accepting it for what it was and knowing how to make the most of it I passed the test and that is why The Rocket came back so quickly.

Maybe it was to push my focus in other directions. Without the ability to drive and work, I needed to find other productive ways to pass the time. I pecked at some projects and casually cleaned. I even took the time to cook a breakfast.

With the uncertainty of my next couple of days, I reevaluated and decided on a list of things that I want and need to get done. 2-3 days of not being able to go anywhere might actually serve me well. But, now, I have The Rocket back. Options are different.

Yet, maybe the whole point to the moment was to shift my focus – show me that I was going to be ok and be able to manage; assure me that I could get these tasks completed. I may just stick with that plan. I may drive at some point. I will make those choices as the moments pass.

Of course, perhaps it was something altogether different – something more random and perhaps even more powerful. Not having The Rocket was going to change things with The Theatre. After a discussion with Lil Boss it was decided that I would come in and work on Sunday and she would pick me up if needed.

The reason this worked was because they found a new dishwasher. He is available to do Saturday, but he is not available on Sunday. They were going to give me those hours, let him take the hit, and then be short a dishwasher on Sunday. This happening with The Rocket opened the opportunity to set it all right and let everybody win.

Since I did have a whole day of just whatever, I was slow and steady in my actions and deeds. I spent time focusing on them. And on Spirit as well. I cleaned the whole house. Afterwards, I took a Ritual Soak. Then, I saged.

Right This Moment, I am in a whole other realm. Any one of those things is meditative and zZn for me. Combining them was intense to say the least. I can’t say that I have much more clarity on anything, but I feel good. I feel calm and empowered and peaceful. I feel positive and hopeful.

Today, for the first time this season, I really felt The Yultide Spirit – the way I should feel it.

As I assessed and evaluated my current life happenings, I detected a Theme of ‘Resolution.’ [I’m not sure that is the word I want, but it may be the only one I can use.] It’s not really about anything being resolved. Things are being completed, coming to a close. Supplies are dwindling down. Even something like The Theatre finding a new dishwasher.

Generally, it makes me uncomfortable to see that much ‘Resolution’ happening all at once and coming to a mutual point. Such a pattern usually marks The End. Nobody likes The End. Not until we remember that The End is merely the start of A Beginning.

Of course, in my life, one would have to wonder what exactly is coming to an end. The way I have been touching base with some people and putting some closure on things today I had to wonder for a moment if maybe it is me. Perhaps I am coming to an end. [I’m not sure I think that is what is happening but, still, there is always a 0.08% chance.]

I did have visions and flashes today. Some were of a future. Something quite the same, yet slightly different. Something, dare I say, better. Some were of Right This Moment. I have seen this time before, all of it – the house, The Rocket, The Moment. I have even seen flashes of the flashes I am now having.

I can’t make any sense of that. No heads nor tails. I can’t tell you what any of it is trying to tell me. I only know that I believe it means that whatever is happening is right.

It has been brought to me that I should treat these next two weeks as a Void. I must forget what I think I know. There are no guarantees, nothing set in stone. The Void is a realm where the formless comes to know itself and hence take shape. I must release all possibilities in order to find the full potential.

When I couple that with the ‘Resolution’ that is occurring, I suddenly see this weekend as a Reset. For several months now I have been living and dreaming and doing and being and experiencing. All of that is now turning back at me and I must take it within. I must let it process. Then I must let it back out into the world.

I have been tasked with a duty. It has been on the docket for some time actually. I have been avoiding it. The time has come to tend to matters.

I also caught whispers of, “Mid-week.” I don’t know if that is the middle of this coming week or the middle of the next. I only know there is something about, “Mid-week.”

I do not know what tomorrow will be. I will find out when it is done. For now, I am going to take myself downstairs to watch a Christmas movie. Then I am going to bed.

Tonight, I will, “Sleep the sleep of the just.”

Saturday, December 3, 2022

It has been a good day so far. I woke later than usual but still with enough time to make use of the morning. I straightened up and did my finances and planned my day. All of the usual stuff. I had breakfast and by 1100 I was on to my first task of the day.

Within less than 4 hours I had both of my major tasks completed, as well as a handful of smaller random ones. I cleaned some stuff up and put some things away. I set my world right.

Right This Moment, I am killing a little time before I do some Reiki on myself. I am going to go into the Reiki room on my Reiki table and do some work. It will be the most official I have ever worked on myself. [It will be the first time I ever could.]

After that, at some point, I do want to do another Ritual Soak. My body could definitely use it. But I also think it would be good after a Reiki session. The Reiki will loosen up all the deep stuff and the soak will flush it.

Beyond that I do not know what my night holds. I have some little projects to piddle with. I will most likely end up in the basement watching a movie while I work on them. I may edit some video. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter.

I’m having this moment when everything truly is OK. I’ve never known that before. Like even in all the chaos of living I find myself at this small oasis where things are done and bills paid and life is under control. It is all temporary and very short lived. But, Right This Moment, all is right with my world.

So, it’s weird for me that I can do whatever I want, work on whatever I want, relax however I want and it doesn’t matter. I could do it without guilt or fear or doubt or regret. I can do everything or nothing at all. It just doesn’t matter. That is a nice feeling.

Speaking of fear and guilt and doubt. Today brought thoughts and perhaps even revelations. [As most days do.] I pondered The Darkness and how it could gain such power at this particular time in my life.

I think I have been wrestling with a lot of guilt over being at The Original Brother John’s. Not just being here but being so casual and comfortable. It is not at all what I had intended when I asked to park in the driveway. I never saw myself here for months, only a couple of weeks while I thought of new overnight parking spots.

Yet, he opened the home to me and has been gracious in allowing me to remain as things work themselves out in regards to the sale. I never meant to become so settled in. So much of it just happened on its own. It happened slowly and in little bits. I think I just feel guilty about all of that.

I have been feeling guilty because I have, time and time again, planned on giving him some money for the electric and waste hauling. Every time I set my sights on it – even if it is for a week or two out – something like the alternator comes along and throws me off course. I think I have been feeling bad about that. It weighs on me. I want to settle and balance that.

I captured the meter reading back in October and I can capture it again when I leave. I know how much the waste is. I can just put it together after the fact. I’ll figure it out. And, since Everything happens for a Reason – Precise & Perfectly Placed, I can rest assured that when the time comes for me to settle it, it will be the right time for him and it will do us both good.

It’s about time for my session. I want to just make another comment, I think.

I’m fascinated by this whole ‘Reset’ idea. Like I can see its pieces. The finances balancing out for just a moment. The supplies dwindling just a bit lower. The projects getting completed Just Enough to keep things moving.

Even things like The Theatre. Or this whole healing and internal process through which I am going. It all points to a reset.

Today, as I finished up projects, I realized that even the household has sort of reset. Everything is finally in its place – even if that place is boxed and on a pile. The homestead is fully functional – top to bottom, inside and out.

If I were living here for real, everything is precisely as I need or would want it. Not just the things. But also the systems and routines. I even have myself to a point were, if I were staying here, I could put time and energy into expanding back into retail merchandising.

Right This MomentI am living the moment I was searching for. In two weeks’ time it will become, “Once upon ago…I had this moment.” In the meantime, it is here and I consider it a gift from G-d. A moment, just a moment, to know myself – wholly and fully. [For the first time in 50 years.]

Later that Day…

I have done my Reiki session and my Ritual Soak. I have cleansed the house with Palo Santo. I am definitely feeling a certain kind of way. I feel more awake and in tune than I have in a very long time.

A few things from my meditative time:

One – I think I am afraid to heal. Afraid to be whole. Afraid to be OK.

Two – I think the issue is that The Christ is for everyone. Plain and simple. It does not matter – race, religion, sexual orientation – The Christ is for everyone. It touches everyone and works with everyone in whatever way they are comfortable. The notion that The Christ only touches Christians shows me that we didn’t come to know The Christ at all.

Three – There is definitely a focus on Wednesday. I do not know why or have any notion what it may be. So, I am just kind of zoning out for a few days as I try to ride the wave of uncertainty and anticipation.

Four – Gratitude. I found myself being grateful for everyone that has been in my life. Even those who hurt or scarred me in any way. We cannot be who we are without the whole of the past and everyone that was in it. Right This Moment, I really like who I am. So, I must be grateful for all.

Five – Self-forgiveness is just as important as Divine forgiveness.

Six – I must really focus on my breathe and breathing. I do not breathe properly. Most of it is simply that I keep running. Slow down. Focus. Breathe.

And Back to Sunday…

As I close out this week, I am not really sure how I feel about anything. I feel good. I feel better than I have in a very long time – and all across the board. But I am also feeling lost and confused. I am not really sure where I am or what is happening.

My ‘instructions’ for now are to ‘zone out.’ I must enter an almost ‘Questing’ state of mind. I must just simply ‘Be’ with no attachments of any kind. I must take the next two weeks as they come. There is something about Wednesday. So much seems to come to a focus on Wednesday.

In the meantime, I have several side projects at which I have been working away. Most of them are videos. Some of those are ready to go. However, I am not quite sure as of yet what the actual posting order is supposed to be. The other three videos are far from done, but with some focus, they shouldn’t take too terribly long. [I hope.]

The other project has been a writing.

I have been commenting for some time that I am in pursuit of a home, Fellow Travelers. But, it has not been just any home. I have been chasing on in particular. The other writing is the story of that Journey.

The Journey itself is not quite complete but almost concluded. The outcome seems most certainly not in my favor. However, The Father always knows what you need and in the hands of G-d all things are possible. Not to mention, we are at that special time of year when The Old Man winks an eye. Plus, apparently, The Christ has come to play.

If there were anytime in my life when truly Anything is Possible and Nothing is as it Seems, this would probably be it, Fellow Travelers.

The timing of the release has been important. [Or, so I’m told.] In fact, I may have waited a tad too long. So, the writing will be released in 5 segments. 2 this week. 2 next week. And a conclusion to follow.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dark of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Heron - The Call of The Quest and Travels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.