S9EP13: Season Finale, pt. 2

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John & Sister Jen

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, April 30, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...???

Theme – No Apologies

I have been ‘accused’ of many things in my life – called many a name. Some of it is true. Some is anything but. Nonetheless, I Am That I Am. I have had so many facets of my life picked apart – my faith and my beliefs and my practices; my jobs and relationships; my personality; my flaws and my weaknesses. It seems that everywhere I turn there is someone just waiting to share their opinion of just how wrong I am.

Yet, I look back at these same people and they are so very flawed as well. They have quirks and idiosyncrasies. They are judgmental and opinionated and dismissive and demeaning. They all have issues with which they haven’t dealt. Egos and fears. The need to remain in control. They wear their issues on their sleeves and don’t even realize it. They are so busy boosting some sense of self that they do not even see just how transparent they are.

I have learned over the years that if I would bring these thoughts to any of them that they would get defensive and feal hurt, perhaps even attacked. If I tell them of their ills, in particularly against me, they ignore me or worse they scoff. In either case, I still end up in the wrong – the bad guy.

None of these people have ever offered up an apology for anything. They are who they are and if I don’t like it, then…oh well. Now, I’m not suggesting they must or even should apologize. My point is more along the lines of – then why do they expect that I should be apologetic for being me?

I Am That I Am.

I know who I am – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have things that I am constantly working on personally, but all in all, I think I’m a pretty alright guy. I’m not a bad guy at all. [Unless, of course, you bring me to that.] I’m not necessarily a good guy. I’m not even really a good guy who does bad things. I’m more like a good guy who does stupid things.

I’m the kind of guy who can be friends with anyone who chooses it. But that friendship does come with a price. You get 100% me. I will always be as real as real can be – flaws and idiosyncrasies and all. I will call it like I see it. I will be straightforward. I will even, at times, be obnoxious as hell.

I offer no apologies for who I am, nor whom I have been. I may be a bit egocentric. I may be vain or think too much of myself. I may be blunt or obnoxious. I may think I know everything. I may talk way too much.

So what?

I am me and that is the best thing I could be. So, I offer no apologies.

Lesson – Just Say No

This is something I must get better at. I am so concerned with keeping people happy and helping out that I don’t really know how to say no. I found myself in that situation this week.

Big Boss messaged me that he had some painting he wanted done at The Theatre. Most of it needed to be done this coming week – sooner rather than later. I did tell him it was a tough week for me. Still, he kept coming back with options and ideas. For three days I dealt with this. For three days we went back and forth. For three days I stressed and worried and turned over all the pieces again and again until I could make them fit into something workable. On Friday, I sent him a message with my proposition. I could get in there and work from 5AM-7AM Wednesday through Sunday. This would create the closest thing to a win-win situation that I could get. [I do have a lot on my plate this coming week.]

As of today I still haven’t [technically] heard back from him. I only know what I know because I reached out to Lil Boss. First, he looked at the message and forgot to message me back. Second, the paints weren’t mixed right and the whole project had to go on hold.

I should have just said no in the first place. The results would have been the same…and I would have saved myself a lot of stress and aggravation.

Observation – The ART of Now

Be Here Now.

All of life begins and ends with right now. Now is our gauge of the past and our hope for the future. If you are content in the Now, then your past [all of it] had purpose. Whether the past was something you grew from then or will be the road map for what you want ahead, it has had purpose. Once you recognize it the purpose is served and it is over. The End.

Now is what puts the future in motion. It is the thoughts and feelings and dreams and fears of Now that will pave the streets of your tomorrow. So it is always best to keep the Now balanced and rested and at peace. What better place to begin?

I struggle with the now. I drift off into the past trying to resolve and rectify it in my mind. I skip away into the future – worrying and wondering. All the while, now just slips away.

The Post

Life’s a funny thing, ena?

The way it unfolds. The way it plays out. It’s never quite what we thought it would be.

I know this writing is a continuation of the last, but I don’t know where I stopped before. I’m also, apparently, not very aware of time. I thought certain events went together and I am coming to realize that they may have actually been a week apart. I know I had a ritual soak because I remember it was very intense and also unlike all of the others. I thought the soak came in conjunction with The Rage but it seems they were a week apart from each other.

The soak itself was intense. It worked in reverse of all the others. Usually, I get in and it takes some time before my mind filters through all of its thoughts and settles down. Once it settles down, I drift into Dreamtime. This soak, however, I found myself moving right into Dreamtime. I mean right into it. I barely hit the water. I had a bunch of visions, came back to, and then stayed in the water as my mind raced through its thoughts and purged.

I have notes here, but they mean nothing to me at the moment. I’m just going to keep them for future reference.

I have notes from the soak but I also have the beginning of notes from each day. Apparently, I only kept up with that for about three days.

Nonetheless, here I am – another Day Before. This is the Day Before Beltane. This has been one of my favorite Holi-Days for many years now. This year, I truly feel it is worth celebrating. Right here, tight now, right this moment I feel as though I have reached a sort of pinnacle on my Journey.

I have been fighting my finances every step of the way. I was thinking today how I once said that if I got into the house I wasn’t going to worry about the money. I believed hat if I actually got into the house then it was meant to be and the rest would take care of itself. Yet, all I have done since I officially moved in is worry about the money.

I started this Journey -$160 in my account. I have been struggling against it ever since. No matter my plans nor schemes nor motivations, I just couldn’t seem to correct that deficit. I would start every week in about the same place.

Of course, two weeks ago Cuddlebug set it straight for me. That was the first week this year that I was able to end the week balanced. I managed to do the same last week. And, for all intents and purposes, we are saying this week followed suit.

The truth is that I will begin my week [on Tuesday] with a deficit. It will be less than $13. That’s not even worth thinking about. Even a slow breakfast will set that straight. It’s also not enough to really impact my finances for the week. Random “$13” move in and out of my budget every week. [More than that actually.]

I feel calm and serene and balanced for the first time since this all began. I feel [almost] ready to move forward. I feel like I can actually take a breath and relax my way through the next 37 hours. I’m looking forward to it.

I have a lot of stuff that I really want to accomplish so it won’t be idle time. But, I won’t have to push and rush my way through it. I can go at chill pace. I am hoping to not only get a bunch of things done but to also take stock of my life. I do this about 3-4 times a year and I am overdue.

I like to take stock of everything – what I have, what I need, what needs to get done. Things happen and things change. Some things don’t get done and other things that were never even contemplated find themselves in completion. So, every so many clicks of the clock I like to re-evaluate my life and see where I am really at.

The last two weeks have been intense to say the least. I can feel it on every level of my being. I was pushing to keep my finances balanced and square. [I felt I owed it to Cuddlebug.] But, I have also just been pushing to get to this moment right now. This has been my motivation for keeping on.

It’s not just about the Holi-Day. I mean, that is very important. I am looking forward to the energies and the experience. [I imagine there is going to be some Rabbit Hole diving somewhere along the way.] But, this moment in time was also pointed out as a Marker. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it means exactly what is happening. Maybe the whole point to the Marker was that I would find myself in this place of contentment and satisfaction.

Maybe it means something more.

Never the less, we will not know until this time is done.

Lately, I have given much thought to the people who have come and gone from my life. Some more than others. I have come to the conclusion that it is ok that they are gone. There is a reason for that. There is a reason our lives no longer gelled. Sometimes it was there choice. Perhaps I committed some sort of offense. Other times it was my choice.

An example would be Brother Love. He was allegedly my best friend all through school and beyond. When my life changed, he – like so many others – disappeared. I don’t know why. He just suddenly wasn’t a part of my life anymore. Then, some 10+ years later he re-emerged. This friendship last several weeks and then it was done. This time it was my doing. I found old patterns surfacing. For instance, I would message him and never hear back from him. This was commonplace years before. [Also quite irritating.] This time around, I had decided that my life deserved better than that. So, I cut him off completely.

At times I miss him, but I do not mourn the loss of the friendship. All things grow and change. [Besides, in retrospect, I’m not so sure how true our friendship really was.]

There has been a lot of that sort of reminiscing.

I have been thinking a lot about time – how it moves and interlaces. It is the greatest trick of The Universe [and the Greatest Illusion of Man.] For instance, I was thinking about how it is now a year ago that Freya came to visit me. It was Beltane. I can’t be precise on which of the days it was- either The Day Of or The Day After.

That seems like forever ago. I had all but forgotten about that moment. It only came to mind because I was thinking about time. I was thinking about how different life is today than it was even just a year ago. A year ago I had no vehicle and the only work available to me was the little bit at The Theatre. Now I have a car with no payments. I am working every day. And I am living in a four bedroom house.

Time.

I thought about how 25 years ago I would have never imagined that I would get to this point in my life and still not have found my place. 25 years ago I thought it was all pretty clear. And…26 years ago you would have never been able to tell me that I was about to set out on the Journey of a lifetime – that my life was going to change drastically and forever.

Time is a funny thing, too.

Speaking of time…I am running out of it. [For this post that is.]

My eternal struggle is that my mind never ceases. I am constantly turning something over – having thoughts and emotions and plans and revelations. I could write several hundred pages from just one day. [Of course, by the time I sit to write, most of it is gone.]

So, let’s look at some other things for a moment.

As I have said, it is Beltane. I do not know what the fascination with this day is but there is definitely something about it. The Universe has just been insistent that I take the day off. It paved the way for it, even as I was contemplating giving it up. And when I decided to change the day to Tuesday it quickly changed back to Monday. I suppose, whatever it is, only one thing will tell…and that is…

Time.

I have all sorts of hopes and plans for what is truly just a brief period of time. This blog was the first part. There are gardening chores slated for tomorrow. [Even if it rains.] Beyond that there are all sorts of things to which I must tend. I am just going to relax and work my way through it all steadily. [Honestly, I anticipate a bit of no sleep.]

The week ahead is a challenging one. I have to run the numbers once more to be certain. I know it looked bad at the beginning of this week but as I review it tonight it doesn’t appear to terrible. As usual, I have my money to make. However, there are several challenges to the week.

First and foremost, obviously, is the fact that I am taking a whole day off. From there, I have a host of required and potential obligations. Thursday is Sunshine’s Spring Concert. Needless to say, that is a must. Tuesday there is an event at The Meeting Place. I haven’t been to an event in some time. I have been putting work first. I would like to attend this one.

Wednesday night is Spooky Queen’s son’s Spring Concert. I would very much like to attend this. On Saturday morning there is a funeral which I really should attend.

The money I need to make is not impossible, though it could be difficult without the full dinner shift.

The following week is light financially as well, which is good because The Princesses want to come that weekend and I will need extra for groceries. I will most likely NOT take off next Monday so that I can take a day off when The Princesses are here. However, I will most likely still take that following Monday off.

I have a host of projects and tasks on which I must work. I do not want to get into too many of them at the moment. We will begin that kind of storytelling with the new season.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Blue Jay - Proper Use of Power

It can reflect lessons in using your own power properly. It can also reflect lessons in not allowing yourself to be placed in a position in which power is misused against you. It has the ability to link the heavens and the earth, to access each for greater power. This is a totem that can move between both and tap the primal energies at either level. Higher knowledge that can be used. The main problem will be dabbling in both worlds, rather than becoming a true master of both. Usually have a tremendous amount of ability, but it can be scattered or it is often not developed any more than is necessary to get by. Not unusual to find individuals with the Jay totem being dabblers - especially in the psychic and metaphysical fields. They know a little bit about a lot of things and they use that knowledge sometimes to give the impression that they know more. Wear the crown of true master ship requires dedication, responsibility, and committed development in all things in the physical and spiritual. A reminder to follow through on all things - to not start something and then leave it dangling. A time of greater resourcefulness and adaptability is about to unfold. Going to have ample opportunities to develop and use your abilities. Look for ample time to develop and use your energies to access new levels. Actually a member of the crow family, most crows have no fear. It is because of this the Jay can help you connect to the deepest mysteries of the earth and the greatest of the heavens. This sense of seeking pleasure - often at the expense of others - can reflect an imbalance. Sometimes jay shows up when this is happening in your own life. A tremendous ability for survival with the least amount of effort. They reflect great talent, but that talent must be developed and utilized properly. It indicates that you are moving into a time where you can develop your innate royalty that is within you, or simply be a pretender to the throne. It all depends on you.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Heron - The Call of The Quest and Travels to Legendary Places.

Reflects a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in legendary places. [The story(s) we most loved in childhood often reflect the life quest we have come to take upon us in this lifetime.] Can also aid in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write can facilitate the process by working with a goose totem. It will stimulate the creative process and help to move through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. May reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet. An ability to move forward or backward. Reflects movement. A call to the spiritual quest. It reminds us that as any one individual makes his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. We should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. Opening to new possibilities. Affix ourselves to a new path. Great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free from old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred toward new travels and distant places - whether in the body or in the mind.