Slain

Saturday, March 5, 2016

12:05 PM

I don't know what to say about where I am, but then I never seem to know. It always seems like the same questions, the same frustrations, the same disappointments…the same. No matter what changes, these things seem to remain the same.

The past few weeks have been very rough. I knew they were going to be, but the process seems to have lasted longer than I expected and it has culminated in a [blast of negativity.]

November through January were very good months. Money was flowing and (almost) abundant. Things were coming together in their own way. Then Imbolc came and there was a great shift in things. Money came to a halt. It was coming in but it wasn't flowing out properly. Frustrations were getting stronger.

I fell back into the same rut that I always do. Only this time it looks as though the way out of it is a long, hard (and disappointing) road. Or, am I looking at it wrong?

Thursday was a very difficult day. I woke up to rough. I don't know what it was about the day but it just started off wrong. I woke up miserable and just continued to get worse as the day went on. Everything and everyone was just grinding my gears. I was lethargic and unmotivated all day long, even driving around.

I got home from work and laid down for a bit. This is nothing new. However I slept for like two hours and that was a little out of character for me. When I woke up I went into the kitchen and started looking at the mail on the counter. That's when it happened.

All of a sudden it felt as though my brain had exploded and I got very weak and disoriented. I tried to make it back to the couch to lay back down. I didn't make it. I'm not sure what happened. To the best of my recollection, all I can say is that I had a momentary lapse of consciousness. Next thing I know I am picking myself up off the floor. My nose bruised and bleeding. It was a very odd experience. I was disoriented and out of place for quite awhile that night. But before long I was feeling incredible. I felt back in place as if everything was going to be ok all of a sudden. I was in good spirits.