Supplemental: Home Sweet Home - A Journey, pt. 2

Tuesday, August 30, 2022

It’s been quite an adventure from there to here. [My last entry until now.] But most of that is for another time and place.

So, they listed the house. It went under contract within a week or two. That fell through and it went up again almost immediately. That one, as well, fell through. Now, it is under contract once more.

What I find interesting and intriguing is how I found out. I was just scrolling on Facebook and came upon a post from Brother John’s wife. I forget exactly what it was taking about – moving, decorating the new home, something along those lines. It wasn’t the actual post that caught my eye.

There were two comments underneath. One from the girl who is the real estate agent. Something akin to ‘fingers crossed.’ To which the wife replied…”Third time’s a charm.”

That struck a chord with me. Like a little bread crumb left to follow through the winding darkness of this path. It seems as though things are going against my hopes. The house quickly goes back under contract time and again. My own finances are flowing in the opposite direction of what I was working towards.

It all seems fairly hopeless.

I was talking with him last night and he was saying he really needs the house to sell. I figured as much. They have tapped themselves out and need a financial boost while they recover. The most I can offer at this moment is a rent to own arrangement. This would not solve their issue, nor give the real estate agent the proper payment for her work. He also gave me a few other nuggets of information. What they mean at the moment is nothing. We can only wait and see.

However, here is a strange twist.

I have needed a new place to park overnight. I have been too regular at the one spot and it has gained some ‘official’ attention. No one has approached me. Not yet. Still, I thought it wise to find a new haven. I do have The Putter’s but that is just awkward to me. I appreciate it and I use it from time to time but it just feels off.

While driving the other day I was haunted by a repeating thought – message Brother John and see if you can park in the driveway at the house. They have moved. Closing isn’t for another month. I could be safe and comfortable and not feel like I was intruding on anyone.

He did up that offer. He told me I could sleep on the bed that is left there as well as shower and do laundry. At first I wasn’t sure I would take him up on that. I did however. In fact, I made myself a little more comfortable as well.

They didn’t leave much in the house. The washer and dryer obviously. The refrigerator/freezer unit is still there as well as the microwave. So, last night and this morning I made myself microwave meals to be fed and save on some money. They also left the TV in the living room. I took one of my folding chairs and my AirTV mini up there. There is no internet but I can hotspot to my phone and it serves the same purpose.

So, here I am, once again with this brief and temporary stint in a home. I can’t go all out. I won’t be stocking the fridge or making full meals. I won’t bring the girls up. But, I can once again have a routine. I can shower when I want or need to, instead of planning it around getting to the gym. I can sleep on a bed. [Which is rare in these past 14 years.] I can do laundry as I go instead of taking two hours out of my day to make it happen.

Last night I thought about how empty the house is, how minimal. Then I thought how it could be good practice. Should things miraculously shift and I can actually end up there that is exactly what it would be like. It would all be very minimal and basic until I can, piece by piece, do something more.

I still don’t understand how it could even be possible. Yet, I cannot let go of the thought that it is happening. On the surface, and in the public eye, I do not engage with nor entertain these thoughts. The girls and I will chat about it all from time to time. [Well, me and Cuddlebug. Sunshine doesn’t really ever say much.]

So, time will tick on. There are some inspections and they are doing a yard sale this weekend. [I may or may not stay there this weekend.]

After that it is just a few weeks until the deal is to be done. By October 5th, I must take on one of three attitudes. Either the house sells and I must accept that this is all done.

Or, it doesn’t sell and I must still let the notion go due to my own circumstances.

Or, it won’t sell and I will be in a position to do something about it.

Only time can tell. One marker left before then – September 13th.

Thursday, September 8, 2022

I just feel so inclined to share this journey. It fascinates me so.

As I previously stated, I have been “taking up residence” at Brother John’s for a little while now. When I first contacted him I never imagined things being as they are. I truly only intended to sleep in the driveway. That was all I needed. That was all I had asked for. He offered the shower and the mattress and the laundry.

I was reluctant and hesitant at first but inevitably took to the notion. It was offered. Why not?

I did take slight liberties from there. Nothing major. Nothing I didn’t really communicate. I brought a folding chair to sit on. I hooked up my streaming device to the TV they had left behind. I used the microwave they had left. That was pretty much it.

At first, I was packing up and moving out every morning and then reversing the process at night. I’ve become a little more relaxed with that. Well, truly, at this point I have become a lot more relaxed with that.

On Labor Day, I visited them at their new house and had some burgers. Brother John asked if I was still at the house. I replied that I am. Then he said that his daughter had come to take the mattress I had been using. No problem. I have an air mattress. He had offered a cot and I have used one before. But the air mattress is nice. They also took the microwave to the new house. So, I asked if I could bring my coffee maker. I was heating my first cup of coffee in the microwave every morning. Plus, making it and taking it would save me a great deal of money.

He was redoing his meat freezer and sent some sausage along with me, asking if I had a pan at the house. I told him I could get one. I have gathered my ‘Travel Kit.’ It is all sorts of kitchen and household stuff that I carry with me when we house sit or travel. Then we have what we need.

The point to all of this being that I have settled in quite a bit more than I had ever thought I would. It was not my plan, yet here I am. Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise and Perfectly Placed. It is by no small coincidence that I find myself here…now.

I’ve been trying to use the opportunity to connect with the home and property even more than I have before. It feels so right to be here. It feels natural. It doesn’t matter what I am doing – walking down the steps, coming through the door, cooking, doing laundry – it all just feels like it belongs. It feels like home. In fact, it feels more like home than Olde Geistopia ever did. It feels so much like home that it has actually been a struggle to not just move my stuff in.

I have caught myself on more than one occasion thinking, “Well let me grab this and bring it up.” No! That’s too much. Whatever it is, it’s too much. But no matter what it is it always feels like it belongs. No matter what it is I know where it would go and how it would be used.

So, I have settled in a little bit more. With his blessing, I suppose. Now I am doing little things – such as cleaning the refrigerator. Because they have moved, the fridge is all but empty. [and every refrigerator can use a good cleaning.] I figured it would be a nice gesture. It will be one less thing they have to think about in the final hour. But I had other motivation as well.

Make Your Wants Want You.

I want this house. I’ve wanted it since the first time I stayed here. It is perfect and ideal for anything I want or need in my life at the present time. It is Just Enough of everything to make it perfect.

So, how do I make the house want me?

I thought perhaps a gesture to show my dedication and commitment, to demonstrate how I would care for it, might do the trick. Hence, I’m cleaning the fridge. It is the same reason that I re-upped my candle supply. I still had some in the ‘Travel Kit’ from the last time we house sat. I’ve been using those the past several days and they have burned out. So, today I went out and bought the candles I needed to give the place a vibe. [The same vibe that Brother John complimented and commented on when he stopped by last night.]

To reinforce my efforts I have been taking the time to find as many things to appreciate as I can. For instance, tonight I watched the moon rise. [A Full Moon at that.]

Today, more than any previous moment, I truly do not doubt the possibility that I end up here. If I have any doubt or reservations, I would attribute it to not being able to conceive how it happens.

Alas, at this moment it is all inconsequential. For now, to the extent of my knowledge, the home is under contract with closing scheduled on October 5th. But…what if that should change. It has all changed twice before. If it should change, what then?

Well, a no other recourse option would be to ask about a rent to own arrangement. If no other option finds me before then it is all I have to run with. I don’t really like it one bit. Mostly because I know they are needing it to sell. They are waiting on that money to take care of this or that. I totally get, and respect, that. Also, their realtor deserves her commission. ‘Nough said on that.

That is my only practical solution at this time. Despite, not having anything concrete with which to work, I still have this strong vibe that it is what is meant to happen. In fact, I talked about it several times today. I have been keeping the conversation to very exclusive crowd. I didn’t want to spread the energies too thin, and I also didn’t want a mass of negative thought feeding it. That is why I am writing it all out here instead of in the weekly posts. I need to capture this, but I cannot share it yet.

Still, today I talked about it at lunch in front of Mama Rabbit. Then I talked about it with The Professor at The Safety Meeting. I’m not sure why. I even questioned it in my mind as I was doing it.

I don’t know. Perhaps it is time to give the energies a little boost. Perhaps it is time for other minds to be on the notion. Even if they have negative thoughts about me being in this home, it matters not – as long as they picture it first.

I did go out and buy some lottery tickets today. [Not a choice I would have willingly made.] I received the inspiration to do so sometime in the past couple of days. That doesn’t mean much on its own. I feel inspired [or moved] to do it often. Usually, it is easily dismissed. To be honest, the thought has popped in my head several times over course of the past month. But, it never seemed a good time to do it, so I brushed it off. Today wasn’t really good either.

So, why do it?

In and around the same time I was receiving this message, I had re-read my description of Cricket as a Totem. In the first couple of paragraphs there was a sentence, “…you may be inspired to play the lottery, or interview for a new job…” or this or that. The point to it being that there is a reason you are receiving that notion presently. It stresses that the Cricket is a Totem of good fortune. So, I gave it a bit more thought.

I still wasn’t convinced. I mean, it has paid off for me in previous pinches. But now? I don’t know it just seems...eh. *shrugs.* There were three other factors that solidified the notion. I really cannot recall in which order they came but I do know which was the deciding point. When I looked at the tickets I was being ‘asked’ to purchase I realized the total came to $42.

42.

The answer to everything is 42.

At that point I just couldn’t say no. So, again, I don’t know if it was first, last, or the one in the middle. But, it sealed the deal in a flash. The other two factors are the close proximity to The Full Moon [the energies of which kicked in tonight at 1759,] and the numerology of the day. The numbers we are dealing with today are – 9, 8, 6, and 5.

Do not fear. I am not putting all of my weight on a lottery dream. I mean, it’s possible. It Could Happen. But, I wouldn’t go betting the farm on it at this point either. I am open to other things. In fact, at the same time as all of this I had a billboard catch my eye. It was advertising a job. The numbers caught my attention. First, they are offering a substantial sign-on bonus. Second, based on 52 40-Hour weeks, I’m estimating it pays about $30 an hour. After backing out my gas expense, I am currently living at about $18-$20 an hour. [And not at 40 hours every week.] That difference is significant and would afford me a home of some sort.

I need to take the time to look into it. I’m not saying it is the answer but it could be. It is times like these in which I find it best to follow every trail of bread crumbs to their own natural end.

One day until the Full Moon.

Five days until The ‘Final’ Marker.

Two weeks until the Equinox.

Eight weeks until Samhain.

Until next time, Fellow Travelers.

Wednesday, September 21, 2022

Well, I didn’t win the Billion Dollar Lottery. I didn’t win any lottery. But, here is where we are at.

It is now officially two weeks until the closing on the house. The Final walk through is on Tuesday 4th and the Closing is on Wednesday 5th. For now, it appears as though it is all systems go.

Even if something on that course should change, for the past several weeks I just haven’t been able to get to the income I know I can make. The one that leaves me confident I can afford some rent.

All practical and rational thinking says that the house is being sold to someone else. It tells me that there is no way I can have this [no matter how badly I may want it.] Still, there is this feeling, this vibe. I can’t shake it.

I feel like I am home. Part of me wants to celebrate. I just can’t get over how natural and comfortable it all feels here. More and more over the past few weeks, as I have been hanging out here, I have been getting struck by a lot of “Remembering Then, Remembering Now.” I just get these flashes of moments when I seem to have dreamed this time and place. At first, it was similar to Déjà vu. Familiar, even though it shouldn’t be. But, recently, I am finding that the moments open further to when and where I was when the dream was prompted. Familiar places where I was able to be awake and dream.

I just don’t know how to feel, or, more importantly, how to think. Like I said, part of me wants to celebrate. It wants to settle in and get comfortable. But, the practical part of me is aware that I have probably overstayed my welcome at this point and I need to start organizing and packing up to move back into The Rocket.

Though, I can see myself going through this process – and I have started it – part of me doesn’t see me living in The Rocket. At least, not for very long. Perhaps that is faith. Or maybe it is fear. It is possible that it is just the fear-base of having to live like that again that is projecting the hope of not having to do it.

Yet, as I sit here writing, it all feels so natural. I’m looking for it to not feel right. But it always does. It feels like home. And it would be such the perfect home.

It’s all starting to drive me a little crazy.

I was all hooked on the energies in the beginning. I was working magicks and doing my thing. Everything that was happening was leaving me with some hope. Then the house went under contract for the third time. I hadn’t been around it a lot and I was starting to find myself feeling disconnected and I started thinking that maybe it was time to let the notion go. Suddenly, I found myself here, connecting with the place in ways I haven’t before. Now, when it looks like all is lost and I should just give up, I am being bombarded with messages of not giving up and believing.

I have been a fool for Faith many times in my life. Nothing has ever gone how I have hoped or believed it would. One would think that by now I would think better of it all. I can’t. It’s true – a lot of shit has gone wrong in my life. But I have experienced so very many mind blowing moments. I’ve seen the most random things come together in some of the strangest ways. There is a reason for the Principles – Anything is Possible and Nothing is as it Seems.

Each of those things happened simply by showing up. So, that is my current approach. I am taking it day by day and seeing how things play out. I am ready to go either way.

Here’s what I think is going to happen. [The way it seems, feels, etc. What I “see.”]

I think something is going to happen during the final walkthrough. I think it is likely that this goes all the way up to the very last minute. [Again, maybe I am just telling myself that.] I don’t know that I will come into some money before then. I’m not sure that is actually part of the plan. It’s the only way I could see it happening but that doesn’t mean anything. In lieu of that, at that point I am going to ask if they would be interested in renting it – for the winter at least. I don’t know if they would go for it. I don’t know that I could actually make it work.

But, for now, that is what I see.

*Interesting side note that I keep meaning to mention. It was back in July when we were here. One day I was out having a cigarette, peering over the yard and starting to dream when suddenly I dreamed October.*

Well, I’ll keep keeping you posted, Fellow Travelers.

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Something is happening. It really feels like something is changing. I can’t put a finger on anything. I can’t say whether it is a positive or a negative change.

I just can’t get over how comfortable and at home I am here. I am trying not to focus on my desires but instead spend time each day just being grateful for the opportunity to experience this feeling and the moments of inspiration and hope.

My right knee really hurts today. I have trouble moving up and down steps.

That is all I have for the moment. I am feeling overwhelmed by energies I cannot understand.

Thursday, September 29, 2022

What a very powerful day.

I went to bed earlier than I would have anticipated last night. So, I set my alarm a little extra early in order to get up and take care of a few things before I left. Sometime in the night, my phone turned off. [This is like the second time that has happened since I’ve been here.] The result being that I woke much later than I had wanted and it kind of threw me off balance at the beginning of my day.

It took a little doing but I recovered rather quickly and decided that I would just get myself out for lunch. I would take the morning and do my things. It wasn’t long into my morning and I was struggling with my knee. It had started hurting yesterday afternoon. Last night I could barely make the steps and getting “in and out” of bed was very painful. [The air mattress is on the floor so I have to get up and down.] This morning it was still acting up.

I don’t know what happened. I really have no clue what notion struck me. But, somewhere in it all, I ended up deciding to just take the day. I decided that I would do the cleaning I wanted to get done and do my laundry and nurse my knee. It was not, by any stretch of the imagination, an easy decision to make.

The logic became simple, though. It was the Principles.

You Always Have What You Need

It’s true. I had what I needed for today and tomorrow appeared to be covered enough to start.

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow

Like I said, tomorrow seems fairly straightforward. I can make my week in regards to covering my needs. That will happen. The only big adjustment is that I won’t be able to pay The Mechanic the whole amount – which was my plan. But. That wasn’t going to happen anyway with the week I have been having.

When You Don’t Know What to do, Do Nothing

This has been a running Theme all week. I am so confused and overwhelmed. I know that something is happening. I don’t know what it is. I know that I have absolutely no influence over any of it. I do not know how it all turns out, where I end up, what happens. I don’t know what I can do because I keep doing and trying and I keep getting pushed back just enough to keep me where I am at. I’m feeling helpless. What better to do when feeling helpless than turn it all over to The Universe.

Let Go and Let G-d

So, I figured I would just putz through my day and see what I could learn.

Validation is a funny thing. Soon after I had made this [very big] decision I found a message from Brother John. He had taken the day off and would be over to take stuff and clean up a bit. I just kind of chuckled to myself. Suddenly, it made sense.

It was practical on one hand. I was able to help him load some stuff, as well as help get two very heavy metal tables onto the neighbor’s truck [from John’s garage.] I was able to reassure him that cleaning was one thing they did not have to worry about. I explained how I was already on it and told him what I’ve done and what the plan was moving forward.

We also got to talk.

It was a fun and interesting and diverse conversation. A lot of it did focus on the house – him selling, me staying here, this and that. For instance, he turned on the heat for me. I thanked him again for letting me crash here and he said that he wished I could stay longer. I laughed and said, “So do I.”

I then took this as an opportunity to break the ice. [It was whispered in my ear before he got here.] The conversation kind of came around to it all on its own and he just happened to help get it there.

I reminded him of how I loved the house from day one and what I told him about ever deciding to sell. I told him I have not figured it out as of yet. “But,” I added,” if this should for some reason fall through would you consider renting it? Even if just through the winter?”

He kinda nodded. It was an absolute affirmative, but I imagine a good part of that was him internally hoping that it doesn’t fall through. And I hope it doesn’t as well. Yes, it is very true that I want this home more than anything. [And more on that in a second.] But I know that Brother John needs the money from the sale to balance out from his own purchase and move. I also learned today that these folks do seem very interested and were excited to have the chance to get it because they weren’t having other luck.

I would never want to take any of that away from anyone. Certainly not for my own gains.

But, it all feels so right. I wish I could explain it or describe it better than that. It just feels right. It feels natural and comfortable and like where I belong. I have, many times, fought the urge to just bring this or that up from The Cave.

The house and the property talk to me just like Olde Geistopia used to do. I have a connection with them and that does not happen very often. Everything seems so familiar.

I just don’t know what is going on at the moment. Just when I start to get comfortable with the idea of letting it all go something like today happens that fans the fires of hope and belief.

I am in no way trying to understand it nor predict anything. Not anymore. Today just really blew it all up. This is so way beyond me. Certainly above my pay grade. If I am being honest, this moment feels more Divine than all of my Quests and adventures combined. There is a force behind The Present unlike anything I have ever encountered before.

At this point, I am just running with it. I will capture what I can here. And I will share what I can in the weekly posts. [Which I think I will work on next. I still have some time before a good soak.]

**I just went out for a cigarette. I ‘saw’ winter as I walked into the sun room. That’s not the first time. And, I was just thinking about how in July I ‘saw’ October. Here I am about to actually see the beginning of October here. More in particular, I ‘saw’ Christmas. It’s not the first time. In fact, Christmas has popped up several times today. Also, I think I am going for that soak now. Truth be told I put a good day in and I am ready to unwind, wash it all away and settle in for some well deserved sleep.**

Saturday, October 1, 2022

I have a little bit of time before the evening hours set in and I get into whatever it is the night holds for me. So, I thought I would take a few moments and write one more time. I know I have been repeating a lot of the same things over and over each day. That’s just how my mind works. I go through that all the time over every topic. Generally, I keep playing all the information over and over and over again until something makes sense and/or I am comfortable. The problem is, neither one of those things is happening with this.

This is my last ‘full’ night at The Original Brother John’s. I am staying here tomorrow night but that is a night dedicated to packing up and being ready to leave on Monday morning. [As well as some cleaning.]

It has been an odd little adventure. I really don’t know what to make of it. Never, when it all began, did I imagine I would be sitting here right now. Even when I started working little magicks, I couldn’t imagine that I would have been ‘living’ here for a month. Yet, here I sit.

It has been an odd and awkward experience. At first, it was very uncomfortable for me. I didn’t want to impose or take advantage. I kept my stuff in as tight a corner as I could – using out of the way spaces for any ‘spill over.’ As I have been here longer and the space has cleared out more, I have become a little more relaxed and spread out.

My bed stuff is still upstairs. But my laptop is down in the rec room and I actually have been spending most of my idle time in that space. I have gone from only using the microwave to a coffee maker and the oven and stove top. My life has found its routines once more – dishes, laundry, recycling. Everything has just found its place and its way. I have even returned to daily rituals. It has been a struggle. I haven’t wanted to get too settled because I know it is going to end. It just seems to have happened on its own.

I’ve covered the basics for you already. I’ve always loved the house and the property. I told Brother John two years ago that I was interested in it. I found myself in no more of a position to do it now as I was in then. Still, I found myself hoping and believing that something might turn in my favor. I set out, as I always do, on a Quest. From step one, I was waiting for, and following, inspiration.

First, we tried visualization. Both times that I house sat this year, the girls and I would talk about and imagine what it would be like as our home. In fact, we even brought stuff in this year. We brought a coffee table to use in the living room because we hung out in there a lot and there really wasn’t a place for drinks and snacks and such. But, I also brought one of my portable work tables. We set it up in the kitchen as an island and extra workspace. [It has been very difficult resisting the urge to bring both of those things back.] When the girls would leave, I would step up my spiritual game a little bit with some candles and meditation and such. At one point, we even planted crystals.

Through all of that, never did I ‘see’ myself being here like this. [Unless you count that time I ‘saw’ October.] Never did I imagine I would spend this kind [quantity and quality] of time here. Never would I have believed that I would be here, cleaning and giving the house one of my ‘workings’ only so that it is ready for someone else. Never did I think I would have the chance to fall so very much in love with it…only to say goodbye. [Sounds kinda typical now that I see it written out.]

I’ve never stopped believing that something could change. I’ve struggled at times. In fact, just when I was starting to feel disconnected from the whole notion is when I found myself back here. Anything is Possible and Nothing is as it Seems. So, I believe. Not only because I want to though. But also because there has been plenty of encouragement to do so – through Totems and signs and messages. Little whispers in the ear reminding me not to give up. In fact, I saw one today as I was driving about. Just a random sign along the side of the road that read, “Don’t Quit Now.”

But, I have believed in many things many times and my past is wrought with heartache, failure, and disappointment. So, part of me is still trying to ‘keep it real.’ That has proven more challenging than one might think.

I get it. I know what’s happening. I am even in the process of organizing and packing up The Rocket for living in it again. The plans are in place. Forward motion. My mind understands the situation. But, my Spirit just won’t let go. If anything, it tends to grip tighter. For example, I was outside having a cigarette a little bit ago and I was just looking at the house – admiring it. I sighed softly as I thought about saying goodbye. And just like that, I felt a surge from deep within as my Spirit shouted, “You’re not done here.”

How am I supposed to process that?

All practicality and rationale points to what appears to be glaringly obvious – someone else is buying the house and I will not know a life here. I can think it. I can understand. I can plot and plan my departure. But, literally, half of my life has been dedicated to vibes and feelings and intuitions and guidance. And, everything I feel says I’m home.

The flashes and visions have been so very overwhelming. I suppose I noticed them even when house sitting but they have just been powerful over these past few weeks. I’ve tried to describe it before and I just don’t know how. Everything seems so familiar as if I have known all of this before. I get all of these flashes of past moments that resonate with moments now. All of those past moments are times when I could ‘feel’ a future home. The present moments have that same feeling. Then it projects outward and I can start to see a life here. I’m pretty sure the other night I ‘saw’ snow, perhaps even Christmas.

It makes no sense. But, then October made no sense back in July when I ‘saw’ it.

So what does all of this mean? I don’t know. I really don’t. I have tried to process it over and over again and I just can’t make heads nor tails of anything. Rationality trends to prevail but the ‘Dreaming’ has been so intensified lately. Like not only have there been so many visions and feelings but I have actually had time devoted to silence and meditation. I just can’t resolve the experience within myself.

So, for tonight I am going to make the best of what time I have here. I am going to do my next daily devotion and then settle into the night. I think I want to do some cleaning so there is less of it tomorrow night. I also want to have a ritual soak one last time. [They do so much for me. I really do not know how I survive at all without them.] I’d also like to get a good portion of this week’s post done.

I don’t have to be out early tomorrow morning. Breakfast rush starts later on Sundays. Plus, they won’t come until later in the morning or early afternoon to get stuff. However, I am anticipating them being here later tomorrow. So, I won’t be able to come back until later and I already have a lot I want/need to get done before I leave on Monday morning.

I am going to do my best to not think too much but merely be and do. I will take care of business but at the same time I will put an almost meditative energy into gratitude and appreciation for having had this experience.

Never in my life have I been able to live as comfortably and freely as I have the past several weeks. I may never know it again in this life. So, I want to be sure to resonate the gratitude that I feel.

This is my last entry on this. At this point, one can only guess what will happen next. The logical conclusion to draw might be that this story is over and life goes on. But let me just say this, The official closing is not until Wednesday. Almost four days away – to the hour.

Six Minutes is an Awfully Long Time…and Anything can Happen in Six Minutes.