Weakened Weekend

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

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It is…Sunday, April 11, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Fun. Time...Abundant

Theme – Something is Wrong, yet Everything is so Right

I feel as confused by this as you do. I firmly believe that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be at the moment and that things are headed in powerful and positive direction. But something is t right. There is a piece of it all that I am missing or don’t quite get.

Lesson – I Need Downtime.

I definitely get more irritable and more volatile when I am not rested and refreshed properly. I so need downtime that The Universe forced plenty of it on me this week. In fact, I am forcing myself into downtime today. The more I want to try to be productive, the more I force myself not to.

Observation – I am out of Tune

This goes along with the need for downtime. I just can’t seem to get tuned I. spiritually lately. I cannot quite get a clear mind and so I am not real sure what I am doing or what I should be doing.

The Post

It has been a very long and strange two weeks. I had started a post for last Sunday but then I had Easter Sunday with The Princesses and after was stricken ill.

I had been given a three week marker. Today is the end of the second week. At the beginning, I would have never imagined it to be what it has been thus far. There is still one week to go and I am suddenly so very curious to see how it plays out and concludes.

There has been a lot on the tables lately. There have been work matters and home matters and most certainly a lot of spiritual matters. I feel like I am still trying to process and put so much together from [and after] The Tour. [Honestly, I feel like I am still trying to put it together from the past 23 years.]

The biggest thing right now – though the one I have focused on least – is my spiritual commitment. It keeps coming up in different ways. It’s a lot of what was said in New Orleans. There is a need to not only get back to my spiritual practices, but also to get a little more intense with them – more ceremonial magicks. Such as work with the angels. Or most recently it came u – work with sigils.

It came during Dreamtime. I saw myself in the house – you know, the house. The one I want so much. I was casting protective wards. All things considered, this actually makes more sense than one might think at a glance. Much like Olde Geistopia, the house has a strong spiritual connection. So, much like Olde Geistopia, it would need a certain layer of shielding. In fact, knowing who is living there now, I imagine there is some already in place.

I have also been feeling the need to read lately – to study once again. I use to read a lot. But, then I lost a comfortable and quiet place to read so it stopped. I also found I didn’t really have the time…or maybe it was the motivation. I don’t know. Reading for me iReading for me is – like so many things – very Zenful. I like the environment and moment to be right. I like to be able to get totally absorbed in it – no diffferent than gaming, or crafting, or cleaning, or so many other things. Also, I do not like reading on devices. I can, but I really do not like it. So, I need to get some books.

One of the challenges I am encountering, and what then becomes issue number two, is that without a home it is very hard to manage these spiritual practices. I mean, I can do some things – such as my devotions – but without a space to move, I can never make them as strong and potent as they should be. That’s how I feel about so many areas of my life – as if I could make them so much better if only I had a home in which to anchor myself.

Yet, for any efforts of the past two years, here I am still homeless.

It becomes more prevalent these days because for the first time ever I can almost feel a home. It’s like it’s right there and I just haven’t realized it yet. I do not know if it is the home that I want. I have been using that one for visualizations to help with manifestation, but I do feel a home As if it is ready and waiting but it is just not time yet. Of course, does it really matter? How do I afford one?

That is always y other critical issue. Always chasing the money but never really having enough to do more than survive. And, sometimes, I don’t even have that much.

So all of these things have been tossing about for weeks. Enter the three week marker. The first week was very intense. I feel like it went by fast and hard. Honestly, at this point I can not really remember that week – outside of Easter Sunday with The Princesses. I sort of lost everything when The Vid hit.

Oh. Oh yes. I have been sick all this week. I did not realize just what it was at first. I thought it was the flu. I felt it set in on Monday. I worked for only 3 hours of my double shift because not only was I chilled and achy, but the achy was settling into my trouble spot on my back. I arranged for a replacement for me and went and picked her up. When I dropped her off, I parked and slept for 2 ½ hours. In fact, I would sleep well over 12 hours throughout Monday. I would wake just long enough to move The Vantasm to the next spot and then I would be out again.

Tuesday was a little better. I was still achy and weak but I could get by for a little bit longer each time. I actually parked at Olde Geistopia all day and night. I did this so that when I had bouts of energy I would be able to at least go into The Cave and maybe get something done.

Wednesday I returned to work but only for my night time shift. Even that was a bit challenging. Thursday I was off again, and still not knowing what I had, I decided to make use of it. On Thursday I would do delivery driving for the first time. I did ok in only 2 hours. I also did some yesterday with a different company. I made about the same amount of money in the same amount of time. [I did not realize that I had no sense of smell until later in the day yesterday.]

Friday I was scheduled 11-8. I would only make it until 7. It was at that point I walked out with no intention of returning. This may seem to have come out of nowhere and admittedly, the sickness has me a little off in the head, but this was building for a few weeks now.

I had my moment ugh the cook however many Fridays ago that was. I was then off on Saturday. Sunday through Tuesday would bring a lot of tension, with me getting the cold shoulder. I figured I would get it on Sunday. Monday threw me off a bit and by Tuesday I was quite over it.

I was working wither a double or a long shift that day. In either case, I was scheduled off at 8. About 7-ish I came it of the dining room and the other two servers and The Mom were chatting and then dispersed. The server that was in dining room with me said, “You can go.”

“Huh?”

“When you’re done with that table, you can go. We had a huddle. You weren’t here.”

Now I didn’t have a problem with this. I had put my time in and it was a slow night. “Do the bosses know?”

“Well, Mom was standing right here.”

“OK. What side work do you want me to do?” She told me and I did it. I tipped out with Mom, gave her my signed receipt slips and said, “See you on Thursday.”

“Oh no. I’ll be here tomorrow night.” [She isn’t usually on Wednesday’s.] “OK. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And, out to my van I went.

A few minutes go by and my phone rings. It’s The Kid. “Hello?”

“You can’t just leave like that. You have to tell someone you’re leaving.” [Now, please keep in mind he had been in the office most of the night.]

“What are you talking about? They knew I was leaving. They told me to leave.”

“Well, I asked around and no one knew you left.”

I proceeded to go through the whole story as I just did for you. When I was finished, I asked, “How much more can I do to let people know I’m leaving?”

“And…you were in the register tonight.” [Interesting and abrupt change of topic.]

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“To cash out a check.”

A little back story here – at this point I had been using the register for two weeks. I had been forced to host and learn the register, despite my very adamant protests that I wanted nothing to do with it. [“But I need you. Just until I find someone else.”] Once I learned the register I would jump on to help out from time to time, even if I wasn’ hosting. This was always met with a, “Thank you.” Not this night, though. This night it was very different.

“Well, no more. Only on Wednesdays.. In fact over the course of the next 24 hours he would say that to me three ties. “Only on Wednesdays.”

This was all very attacking. He came at me as if he didn’t trust me. He treated me like someone you are suspicious of. I did not appreciate this, nor did I get over it. I did say something to him the next day. I was very direct and plain. “I need you to figure out what your most recent problem with me is and how to communicate it to me in such a way that we can work with it and move past it.”

He never did. He only stated that he didn’t mean to offend me. [Really?] Still…”Only on Wednesdays.”

Time passed, as it does. Over a week in fact. I went to work. I did my job and I talked very little to anyone, most especially The Kid. After a week, when it was busy and he was stuck in the kitchen he sent a server to tell me to jump on the register quick to help.

“But it’s not Wednesday.” See, I was irritated because this was my point. You can’t trust me on the register unless you need me there. Then by all means please. I was told it was about “too many people” in the register with him and his mom. Yet, the opening server and the server in charge are on the register all the tie, even on Wednesdays. But I shouldn’t be…until now when you need me there. I did it. But I sent a message back to him, “I’ll do it this time. But not again. Only on Wednesdays.”

The problem is, by now I was irritated. So, all of the little things that weren’t really bothering me before started to. You see, none of the family members have actually ever run/managed a restaurant and it so very often shows. There is always chaos and disorder when it comes to things like side work. They had two people who worked tirelessly in the beginning to establish a routine but then burned those bridges, lost those people, and the whole thing went to shit. They also don’t know how to seat. They don’t use sections, even if the servers are. They just seat. Doesn’t matter if they just sat you or if the table is set, or even cleaned for that matter. There’s a table, put the people at it. Every shift I worked I was getting double, triple, quadruple sat. One Sunday I watched as they sat every section in rotation except mine. They kept skipping mine until finally mine were the only 5 tables left in the restaurant. Then I got sat all 5 within ten minutes of each other and that is how my day would continue over and over again.

This is what was happening on Friday. Friday over lunch there were two of us in the dining room. The Mom brought us 5 tables in a row, on top of the ones we already had. It might have even been six till it was done. Yet, I look out in the other area and the opening waitress is just kinda hanging out and killing time. How am I running my ass off and she has time to do nothing? The same thing started at dinner time. It was happening time and time again. Every time I would look out and the server in charge was sitting at the counter rolling silverware and there were hardly any customers out there. Finally, she brought three tables back one right after the other. I turned the corner and there stood the server in charge, leaning against the counter.

Now, I give some credit to the sickness. I have not been right in the head all week long, but that was it. I let it be known I was done and I walked out the door. I left tables and tips and everything. I do not mind working hard but I should not be working harder so that other people don’t have to. I realize she was sick that night. [Apparently, she has The Vid as well.] But I was also sick.

There were other stupid things along the way as well. For instance, when I told him I wanted to drop to 5 days from 6 he took the busiest and most profitable day away from me. I had seen him do this to servers before. “Well, she wanted less hours. Now she has them.”

I really don’t like game playing. Nonetheless, even without that day I was making my money.

I sent The Kid a text and told him I quit. After it was all said and done I have no regrets. I really got to see the type of person he is. I mean, I’ve seen it action before, but it just kinda stuck this time. For instance, the server in charge. They overwork her – 5 days, doubles, long shifts. Just like they were doing to me until I said no more. But, she is also their transportation. They have two cars but one has a flat. The Mom apparently does not drive and The Kid is suddenly paying up on his DUI. So, he’s not driving either. They make this woman drive them around all the time. She has had to stay extra time at work after her shifts because one of them was going to need a ride. She was going to take a 2 hour break last week and she was told she couldn’t have that scheduled break because Mom wanted to leave so she needed to run the register.

So, I’ve seen it. I saw it in the way he handled me on the phone that night. I saw it in what he did to my schedule. But this night it was just very prominent. Everything he did was a power play, or as The Celestine Prophecy would call them – control dramas. There was never any concern about me. Not once did he ask why I quit or what was wrong. Apparently, he didn’t care. He did however tell me that I couldn’t just walk out like that. I have to give him notice and let him have time to find extra hands.

Now, maybe what he meant is, “Could you please give me notice and extra time,” but that is not what he said. I may have been much more receptive to it all if he had. Instead, I corrected him.

“Actually, No. I don’t. Pennsylvania is At-Will Employment. The employment arrangement can be terminated by either employee or employer at any time, without cause or without notice. PA State law.” In fact, many of the larger companies I have worked for make you sign a paper that states as much. They do it to protect themselves in case they decide to let you go. But it also protects you because it gives you the same rights.

So I corrected him. I also pointed out that maybe if he learned to run a restaurant, he wouldn’t be losing his staff left and right. I was told that it wasn’t my problem if he does or does not know how to run a restaurant. I am to just show up and do my job. [Funny, that’s what I have been doing.] There was more to that text but I did delete them so I don’t want to guess at what it was. Nonetheless, I pointed out that when his lack of ability makes my job harder it becomes my problem.

This was an Intimidator Control drama. “You can’t,” and, “You have to.” When that didn’t work he tried a more Poor Me approach. “I gave you a job when you needed it most. It goes both ways.” [There was also more to this statement but this is the gist.] What’s funny about this is that he never actually hired me. He didn’t know me until after The Diner was open and running.

I pointed all of this out to him. I told him that I hadn’t come there looking for a job. I had come to help my friend Cindy. [Who, incidentally, is one of the people he screwed over.] I told him that I had only been looking for 3 5-hour shifts a week. A total of 15 hours. I mentioned that I had been giving him a lot more than that. In fact, up until 2 weeks ago it has been 6 days a week, 2 or 3 doubles. I even hosted when I really did not want to. “So, yes,” I said, “You gave me a job and I went WAY above and beyond for that job. So please stop talking to me like you did me a huge solid and got nothing in return.” I also made mention of the fact that not only did he try to convince me to not go on my trip, he called me three weeks into the trip to ask when I was coming home. He insisted that I told him 4 weeks and now 3 were done. So, never did I go to him in an hour of desperation looking for a job.

At this point he gave up. “I’m not going to argue this with you. You don’t want the job. Fine. It’s that simple.”

I thought to myself, “then why did you in the first place.” All he did was argue and try to convince me I had to do something different for some reason. And, I wanted to say that. Instead, I finished with, “you’re a fucking asshole. You know that?”

In a way I’m sad. I really enjoyed the customers and I liked having the cash around. All the reasons I was sticking it out, because I had contemplated quitting several times since that Tuesday night phone call. I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to work someplace where I can’t be trusted. But, this text conversation left me feeling like it was the best choice I could have made for myself. The Kid and his pop are really only in it for them. I have seen them take advantage of and abuse everyone. For instance, there is a 17 yo high school kid that they have working 6 days even though he told them he doesn’t want to. Not only are they working him 6 days but they are working him over 5 hours each shift without a 30 minute break which is actually the law. They had terminal issues the other day. Suddenly, in the middle of dinner, they couldn’t process credit card payments. One table said they were going to the ATM for cash and never came back. They forced the waitress to pay that $30 tab. I told her she was a fool. They would have never made me do it. It wasn’t her fault, why should it come out of her pocket?

You may wonder what I am going to do now. I was wondering the same thing actually. The only answer I have so far is – I don’t know and I don’t care. Again, I think this is partially due to the sickness. My head is just not clear. And yet, it is clearer than it has ever been before I think.

The -Vid has been working me over like that. For instance, I did lose my sense of smell. [Which is how I finally knew that I had The -Vid.] Yet, I am breathing more clearly through my nasal passages than I have for years. I feel foggy headed, yet spiritually I feel so very open and clear.

There has been a lot of Sick Dreamtime. Such as the vision of the casting. Or, the message, “She knows what she is doing.” [Well, that’s great. Who the hell is ‘she’ and what exactly is she doing?] I know there has been a lot more than that but, as usual, I have very little recollection of it all.

For now, I have decided to take these two days and just be. I don’t really take down time or time off. Like I said, even on Tuesday, I positioned myself so that I could be productive when it was possible. So, today I have done a lot of nothing except for work at this blog post. Tomorrow I have to make a trip up the line to The Professor’s to visit and pick up some cans. [About 10 bags full.] Other than that, we will see. Honestly, I may or may not decide to some delivery tonight yet and perhaps tomorrow morning before I go. I know, I know. But, I’m sick. Look, the damage is already done. I have already been out and about in the world without realizing what I had. I am in the recovery stages now. At this point the damage is minimal.

Overall, I feel good, despite the fact that things do not look good on the surface. I have been feeling for some time that this change that is coming is already set in stone and there is no choice I could make, nor action I could take, that would shift it in any way. G-d has a plan. I think perhaps, it is time for me to just let it unfold before me instead of trying to chase it down.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Butterfly – Transmutation and The Dance of Joy

The process of metamorphosis should be studied closely. Make note of the most important issues confronting you at the moment. What stage of change are at in regards to them? You may have to examine and determine what you wish the outcome to be, and how best to accomplish it. Was a symbol of the soul. Was a symbol of conjugal bliss and joy. A symbol of change, joy, and color. There has long been an association in folklore between those of the Faerie Realm and butterflies. They remind us not to take things so seriously within our lives. They awaken a sense of lightness and joy. They remind us that life is a dance, and dance, though powerful, is also a great pleasure. Can be reminders to get up and move for if you can move you can dance. Look at how much or how little joy is within your life. Lighten up. Look for change. Don’t forget that all change is good. Reminds us to make changes when the opportunities present themselves. Transformation is inevitable. Growth and change does not have to be traumatic. It can occur as gently, as sweetly, and as joyfully as we wish.

Cardinal - Renewed Vitality through Recognizing Self-Importance

They remind us that, regardless of the time of day or year, we always have the opportunity to renew our own vitality and recognize our own life roles. Whistles are often reminders to listen closely - to pay attention to what is blowing on the winds. Reflects that we should be listening to the inner voice (the feminine) more closely for our own health and well-being. Almost always reflects a need to assert the feminine aspects of creativity and intuition more strongly. Can reflect a need to b more careful about your diet, that what you are eating may be injurious to yourself and affecting your overall vitality. Reflects the rhythm of 12 that is going to become more predominant within your own life. Reflects lessons associated with responsibility and the recognition of the task at hand. May reflect past-life connections with the church, or even a reviving of more traditional religious beliefs, regardless of denomination. Remind us to add color to our lives, and remember that everything is of importance.

Fox - Feminine Magic of Camouflage, Shapeshifting and Invisibility.

New world opening up. The process of creation is beginning. Guide to enter the Faerie Realm. Unless a male can recognize the magic of the feminine - in himself or others - and learn to use it to Shapeshifting his own life, it will ultimately lead to destruction. The Kundalini, and the freeing of the creative life force. Practicing and using camouflage. Working to blend in with surroundings, to come and go unnoticed, moving silently about without revealing your intentions. Learning to control the aura. Adjust its frequency and intensity so that you harmonize more with others. Levels of energy and fertility. If the focus stays on the creative energies, any sharp turn in the individual’s life will be handled with ease. Fox people have the ability to insulate themselves from anything that may seem cold, especially in relationships. Can appear larger than they are - for personal protection or for making greater impressions. Establish a trotting pace. Ability to move into new directions. Call upon new resources instinctively. Excellent ability to hear what is not being said. The ability to hear spirit. Size people up accurately. Develop the ability to see spirit. Aromatherapy. Awakening of the Kundalini. Higher forms of discrimination and discernment. Capture any prize.