A Reply (of Sorts.)

Mom,

I apologize for my shortness in my last email.

The statement itself is true. I had absolutely no intention of making gifts for the three of you. However, every year I am given a list of gifts to craft for specific people. You were in the list. In fact, yours  in particular seemed of the utmost importance. I wasn’t actually able to finish it in time to see the girls around Christmas. I was going to give you Tara’s and just forget hers. But, I did not see the girls after all. Only after I actually completed yours was I able to connect with the girls.

So, you really should thank G-d.

My harshness in my statement is what I apologize for. I had just read your reply to my previous email and, honestly, I was slightly hurt and offended. It took an outside observer to point out that maybe you were being vulnerable and slightly opening up. I did not see it that way.

I shared with you some very important things. You did not even acknowledge them in the slightest. I am glad you responded. Quite frankly, I’m not certain I expected one. And, I didn’t need you to get into any great depth or detail on anything. But, I feel at least an acknowledgement of some sort is in order.

I believe it is the first step in healing or any type of reconciliation. I said as much in my email. My life is as it is. It has been for a long time and I don’t expect it to change any time soon. It is not ‘normal,’ nor, ‘like everyone else.’ Even my current living situation is more than just a friend helping me out. I have been helping him with some great healing shifts. It’s why he came to me two years ago. It is what took me to his place and has kept me there, despite certain challenges. It has been precise and perfectly placed every step of the way.

This is how my life works.

I’m not asking you to like it or to agree with it. I am not even asking that you try to understand it. (I rarely understand it till it’s over.) But, if we are to build any level of a relationship then I do need to know that you can accept it.

Love,

Matt