Prelude to a Wish

The Post

It is just about sunrise on New Year’s Eve - the last day of The Year That Will Not be Forgotten. The Day Before the first day of The Year That Couldn’t Get Here Fast Enough. It certainly has been quite a year - full of challenges across the board, for everyone. I have had ups and downs and struggles every step of the way. In this, it has been no different than any year before. I have also had victories and successes and blessings. I’ve had this before, but this year it was definitely different.

I can absolutely credit The Job with a lot of this. Though it is not a superb income, it is the best rate I have gotten in some time and it has been nice to have the steadiness of it. It has helped keep me going and allowed me adventures with The Princesses and even helped me buy The Vantasm. But, it is not the only factor involved. There were stimulus checks and bonuses and tax returns and gifts and odd jobs. The Job has been the largest, and most frequent, contributor, but it was never the sole provider. It took all of those things combined, along with some creative resourcing. I have established so many systems and routines for handling, juggling, saving, working with finances. I probably have the healthiest relationship with mammon now then ever before. {It really is just an extension of the self.]

My life has had me all over the place this year - physically and financially. I would have to say that I have come to a greater understanding and level of comfort with myself. It was so hard to truly know myself at Olde Geistopia. There were always so many limitations and restrictions - expectations without any exceptions. I did okay, but I could never really know myself wholly. The first year away was challenging, to say the least, but again I learned a lot about myself and life as a whole. In this second year, I have seen growth and faced other challenges and parts of myself. I am still dealing with some of that, but everything takes time.

Once again, I am sitting in a random [yet systematically chosen] parking lot. For, where else do I have to be? Once again, it is raining. I find that interesting and curious. I wanted to get up on Christmas Eve and watch the sunrise. It was cloudy and drizzling [and I wasn’t parked in the best spot.] I woke early on Christmas Morning with the same goal in mind. It was pouring. Here, a week later [and the other end of that same Cycle] and it is the same thing. And, I believe I heard it is to rain tomorrow morning as well.

I’ve noticed there is something about the opening and closing of Cycles. For example - Christmas Eve/Day to New Year’s Eve/Day. It is a definite Cycle all it’s own. It carries a certain energy, an air, to it. We’re living life but it is just a little different. We may go to work or we may have vacation. There is still gift giving and merriment. There are things to be done but there does not seem to be an urgency to them. From beginning [Christmas] to end [New Year’s.] Or, say a Full Moon to Full Moon. Most especially when there is a Blue Moon - such as October - or when the Full Moon falls in the same sign at both the first and last of the year [such as 2020.] This Full Moon [the Cold Moon] certainly marks an end to something. There is an imminent shift ahead.

I am very grateful for the year behind me - in ways for which I may one day find the words. And, in the true spirit of my Yule time experience, I have absolutely no real idea what the year ahead may hold. I know there are things ahead. I can feel something brewing. I know there are choices and decisions To be made. I know I have about two weeks before I must really commit to those choices.

For now, I am enjoying the opportunity to just be.

The Princesses and I have planned to do our Holiday today and tomorrow. We are taking just a brief little adventure, but it should be filled with much holiday spirit and magick. It is the perfect way to both end this year and begin the next.

I spent yesterday, prepping and preparing. The Vantasm has been cleaned, loaded and reorganized. It is not only ready for our trip but also for whatever my days ahead may be. At this point, I have everything I could absolutely need loaded into the van. The organization of it all is still under consideration and there may be the addition of an air mattress. But, for now, I am pretty well set and ready to take on my world.

The financial outlook of things is kind of touch and go. My big payments are all coming due in the next week. Currently, the money is there, and there isn’t a whole lot left over afterwards. So, I am kind of anxious to see how this next week plays out - until payday. The journey with the girls is certainly costing money, but that has been getting planned and stocked for weeks now. The finances of the trip itself have been blessed. I budgeted $300 total. That is all things included. I know that doesn’t sound like much but we don’t really need much. I went cheap with the room this time. I went as cheap as I could [and still feel comfortable.] The budget includes a full tank of gas, $100 in Christmas shopping, two full meals, and a little bit extra. Our funds are currently at $360. This is by no special effort on my part, nor does it include a $20 gift are that may help pay for part of one of those meals, nor the 2 gift cards that can be tapped for shopping or other needs along the way.

When we return, I must set up the Vantasm for living once more and settle in for the night. Then the next morning - The Day After Yule - I must return to The Job and some semblance of a reality based world. Still, there are choices to be made.

I know what I am feeling. I also know what I am thinking. They are currently at two different ends of the same spectrum. It’s like politics in my head. They both want the same thing, ultimately. But, they have different notions of the best way to get there. So, all I can do is allow myself to be guided and see what falls into place.

That’s all for now. I’ll touch base later. I still have an actual post to get online. It is a lot of copying and pasting at this moment and I just need to take the moments to do so. Perhaps while I am trying to amuse myself at our first stop on this little Quest.

And now it is evening on January 1, 2021. The Princesses and I had a total of 29 hours together…and it was incredible. We just have so much fun and laugh so hard when we are together. Once again, there were so many moments that just should have been on video - the laughing fit, the escalator, the epically failed attempt to surprise my grandmother. And, as usual, there was plenty of conversation - both idle and important, some life lessons [for all of us,] and a certain air of abundance. We ate. We drank. We shopped. We were satisfied and fulfilled.

I had planned on picking them up yesterday around 1500-1530. I figured we would head straight down to the hotel, with a quick stop on the way to deliver a treat to grandma. Then we would get up this morning, hit the mall and head home. All very simple.

Well, things shifted and I was able to get them at 1130. We drove all the back roads, through the small towns, as much as we could and headed, first, to King of Prussia and the mall. Cuddlebug has been there but Sunshine has not…nor have I.

It is definitely an experience. Two whole malls in one. Each with its own atmosphere and identity. The ‘me’ in my daughters showed itself a bit as they suggested we park on the very top level of the parking deck, and then further suggested we park as far away as possible from everything else that we could. Cuddlebug picked the absolute furthest corner. I loved it. I have a tendency to park away from things. I think it comes from Questing, when you are trying to be out of the way and go unnoticed. And I will always park on the top deck. I love to look out over the city, both before and after the adventure.

We got inside and I realized that I didn’t have my wallet. The girls were already stepping on to the escalator when I shouted my realization. I turned back for the door as Sunshine turned around and walked back up the escalator. As I pushed on the door, I looked over to tell them something and saw Cuddlebug on the escalator, walking but not getting anywhere. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. She looked at me and I could see in her eyes, “Yeah…I’m not getting there.”

Nope. No you are not.

We explored that mall for almost three hours. It was a most excellent adventure. We had been in and out of stores [but did no shopping. That was for today.] We had snacks and drinks. We talked and laughed. We were talking about heading on our way and I had commented that it really was quite the mall.

Cuddlebug looked at me and said, “Dad, we didn’t see all of it. That was only one side.”

*blank stare.* “Well, what the hell are we doing standing here? I didn’t come all this way to see half the mall. I wanna see it all!”

So, off we went some more.

Eventually we would make our way back to The Vantasm and head towards Christiana and the hotel. We side-stepped into Claymont for our treat surprise. We made a quick stop at The Valley’s Favorite Convenience Store [Yes, they have them in Delaware, too.] While we were parked I ordered dinner for us - including pizza slices for grandma.

There is a pizza place that The Big ‘G’ loves but she told us she doesn’t get it often because it’s too much and no ones around to eat it. So we decided we would get her two slices and drop them off. [We also included a box of cinna-bites and a small handful of butterscotch candies.]

We knew we couldn’t actually visit with her, but we decided we could FaceTime one of our phones and leave it on the step with the pizza. Then we could at least chat with her.

Anyway, I ordered dinner and then we drove by The Big ‘G’s to plan our surprise. It was here I realized that I ordered from the wrong location and we had to drive 15 minutes, as opposed to 5, to go pick it up. It took a long time for the girls to return from the restaurant with the food and I called the hotel to let them know that we were absolutely coming but we were very delayed in our travels.

There was some sort of mix-up at the restaurant and we ended up with two orders of cinna-bites. The girls had asked for a separate small container so we could leave some of ours with The Big ‘G.’ Somehow we ended up with two complete orders and still only paid for one. So, we gave her a whole order to herself.

Anyway, back at her ranch, things did not go how we had seen them playing out. We dropped the food and phone on the step, the girls knocked and ran back to the van.

She didn’t move.

Sunshine went back and tried again. Said she was on the phone.

Still nothing.

We tried calling.

Voicemail.

We tried calling Big ‘D,’ assuming they were on the phone together.

Voicemail.

I went up to the window. Made the dog bark.

Still no movement.

Sunshine went back again. We saw movement. We heard the door open through the phone. We said happy new year and surprise and hello.

We heard the door close.

I went back. She was wrestling with the dog to open the door. I shouted for her to get the food and phone. She picked it up and carried it into the house. We saw her on the phone, talked to her for a moment. Then she was gone…but the phone was still on.

She came back outside and we chatted with her. Apparently we scared the hell outta her.

Onto the hotel. Admittedly, I went as cheap as I could go, but this was the worst part of our trip [except for the shower.] It was only one night so we survived.

The next morning we had the laughing fit. Well…I had it. They just joined in uncontrollably. It all started with Cuddlebug shhh-ing me from the darkness. I had woken up just before 0500. I found Sunshine laying on the floor and nudged her to get in the bed. I was going to get up, have a smoke, get a shower and start my day. She got in the bed and I got up to put on my shoes and coat and get myself together. I was just about done when it came reverberating out of nowhere, “Shhhhhhhhhh!”

I went for my smoke and a few texts later it was determined that I woke her and now she couldn’t go back to sleep. When I went back in we got into a ‘tussle’ about me making too much noise.

“What are you talking about? I whispered. I tiptoed. I made as little noise as possible.”

“You opened your soda and it fizzed. The fizz woke me up.”

[Are you F’n serious right this moment?]

So, anyway, I laughed a little at that and laid on my bed, trying not to disturb Sunshine - who was also awake. I laughed. I laughed and I laughed. I continued to laugh. Sometimes little snickers, other times big guffaws. Soon, Sunshine was laughing with me. Then Cuddlebug would join in. Eventually she would ask Sunshine, “What are you laughing at?”

“I don’t know. Dad, what are you laughing at.”

And, through insane laughter and teary eyes I would answer, “I don’t know.”

And we would all laugh harder.

This would happen three times, until I laughed myself into a nap.

Eventually, we would get ourselves together and be off into our day. We stopped at another The Valley’s Favorite Convenience Store [They’re all over down there.]

Then, we headed to the mall. This was our whole reason for making the trip. They love Christiana Mall. I needed to get them Christmas presents. Plus, we needed something to do. I had to rent a room in order to see them. I figured we might as well go somewhere and do something.

We arrived at the mall just moments before opening, and we headed in. They were ready and we went in the first store they found that was open.

I hung out for a bit, then gave them their money and went to amuse myself elsewhere. When they were done, I collected my change and we headed to the next store. We repeated this process a few times, until I just gave them my card.

When the shopping was done, we grabbed some food, at various vendors, and started the trek back to The Valley - making a brief stop to visit a friend along the way.

That was the journey itself. It was good. It was fun. It was productive and supportive in many ways. But, none of it went as ‘planned.’ This was only one aspect to the trip that I was trying to manage. There was also the financial aspect.

I planned and projected this trip for a month. Of course, it was planned before The Vantasm [and all of its added expenses] came along. The whole thing started with just wanting to have some time with the girls for the holidays. I knew I couldn’t really work anything out for Christmas, and, if we were still able to follow the custody order, this would have been my New Years. I figured we could do one overnight and celebrate Christmas and New Years together.

Overall, I budgeted $300. This was after I managed to find a room for only $60. Believe me it was worth every dollar - and not a penny more. Lesson learned. From now I. We just spend the money for a room. However, I was trying to make sure I had $100 in shopping money. So the budget, then, included the room, a tank of gas, two full meals [I thought the hotel had breakfast. They did not serve any,] and some extra cash for snacking and drinking and what not.

I immediately set to earmarking funds. I still had my $90 from the last round of the special fund, so that was first. I knew I would have two pays in between and I would take whatever was in the 10% fund after the second pay. I had a decent enough collection of change. Things were shaping up. It was still going to be a little tight, but I was certain I could work it.

When I booked the room I noticed the notes said something about a $100 cash deposit. I called to inquire and it was if you arrived and wanted to pay cash. Then it was returned at check out. I thought this was perfect. That is what I would do and then it’s like a savings for the $100 shopping money. It also made my life easier because I had the majority of the funds in cash already.

‘Till all was said and done, we left with $360. I cashed in all my change, donated whatever cash was left in my wallet, I even pulled the two dollars from my money-clip. [I only keep it there for ‘appearances ‘ sake.] I tapped every resource I could and bled most of them dry. There was money in the bank accounts but I really wasn’t sure how much. [Since I haven’t been able to get the laptop online I’m having trouble updating my own records.]

We did good on the way down and really spent very little. When we arrived at the hotel I learned that because I used a booking app I wouldn’t be able to do the cash. My heart skipped a bit of a beat. I had the money in the bank but how tight would that make me? Don’t worry, I would also end up paying for the gas with my card instead of cash too. So, I just recycled the cash into the funds.

In the first store, I gave Cuddlebug the full $100. They spent only $40 and gave me the change. In the next store, I gave them the full $100 again.

“If you don’t spend it all give me the change. If you need more let me know.”

This was kind of a fun experience. I realize $100 doesn’t really buy much these days, especially for teenaged girls. Still, never in my life have I been able to be so free and productive with my money at the same time. I’ve always felt so limited and restricted. But more importantly, never in their lives have I been able to do it. So, it was especially nice to give them that experience.

In the last store, I actually had to convince Sunshine to get what she wanted. They actually called me into the store and gave me this whole presentation.

“This is $54 dollars…”

“But this is buy one get one free and I’ll get this.”

I looked at them all confused. Like, why were we even having this conversation? In fact, I think those were the words that came out of my mouth.

“Why are we even having this conversation? If you want it, get it.”

“See, I told you he’d say that.”

“I’ve just never had anyone yell at me for not spending enough money.”

*shrugs.*

Now, while we were at the mall, I learned that I had received my stimulus payment. That made everything so much easier, especially at that last store. In fact, it set my whole world back to right. I have enough money in my accounts to keep me cushioned until I can get my records straight, or payday whichever happens first. I have enough cash to do me for a few days and that’s really all I need. I have reset my collections of change. There’s a change tray in The Vantasm, so I decided to use it and keep change there for the random toll or parking meter. It was empty when we left and it is already full. So, I have been dumping the rest into a container in the driver’s door - which will get put into the lock box on payday and I will start all over again. I have even pulled all of my dollars for the next two week-cycle of The Special Fund. So, I not only have the rest of this week’s ready, I can continue the magick until my second pay in January. [I even put the $2 back in the clip.]

So, that’s the finances. Much like the trip itself, none of it went as planned. Yet, both were perfect as could be.

So, now it is Saturday evening. The Day After has come to a close and so have the energies of Yule. I am quite satisfied with my Yule experience this year. The List was challenging, but also quite liberating. I so enjoyed it that I may have to actually count The List as a Gift Received.

The whole of my Yule could be considered a Gift Received. I enjoyed every moment and every experience. I was honoured to give the gifts I could. I was just as honoured to receive the gifts I was offered.

I did receive a host of gifts. I still have my steak house gift card and the girls and I decided we would do a nice dinner later in January, before the Imbolc shifts begin. I still have the two $50 gift cards. I’m not sure how I will use those yet, but I am certain they will come in handy.

As Yule closes, I look at the year ahead of me and what I have to work with. Then I look at what it is I want or need to do it all better. I do have such a list under way. Right now, most of it revolves around The Vantasm and making it more functional.

[Perhaps I will post the list on the WTML Facebook page.]

There is still one gift left that I haven’t touched - the lottery ticket. It still sits in the glove compartment, not scratched off. I decided it was unimportant for a while. It was going to make no immediate difference in my life. Even if it is a big winner I wouldn’t be able to claim the winnings until this week or next. I think this ticket is probably the best gift so far. Even if I don’t win money I feel as though I have won. This was a great test of patience and an exercise in detachment. The truth is, I still don’t need to scratch it off [other than just curiosity at this point.] I can’t lose. I’ve already won - if just in self-control. And, again, even if it is a big cash winner, right this moment it changes nothing. The next three months, I am fairly certain, are set in stone. They are going to happen no matter what else is going on. The most a winning ticket can do is make them easier, but it cannot change the course of them.

Over the course of the next three months I should realize and experience the last, and possibly biggest, Gift Received. But more on that later. If I don’t stop writing I’ll never get anything posted - and I’ve told you all I can…for now.

So, without hesitation…

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

None mentioned this week. [That doesn’t mean they weren’t there.]