Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Yeah, it’s true.

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Warden

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Hoagie Snowflake

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

The Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

Oh, Danny Boy

St. Diane & You

Brother John

Thing 1 & Thing 2

The Nameless One

Good Man, Charlie Brown

‘Jim’

The Rox

CCPA

Senoll #5

Superstar

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

My Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, February 23, 2020. Time...Revealing.

Theme - Sometimes You Do What You Gotta Do

It sucks, but it’s true. I think for the most part this is how we live. We just don’t put much thought into it. We always do what we have to - get up, face our responsibilities - work, school, family, whatever they may be - and just do what we have to do. Still, there are times, I suppose, when we could all do more. We either choose to or not. It is either important enough to us that we do it or we let it go and move on without those results.

I don’t really want to be working The Job. I truly have no interest in it [long term.] Now I have little choice in the matter. I need the income it is providing. But, if I could make another choice, would I? Not at this time, no. I don’t really want to work 40 hours a week and then come home and be working to make more money. I could survive, for now, without it. But, if I truly want my life to improve, if I want more from it, then that is something I need to do.

But, these are all mundane and materialistic examples. Sometimes You Do What You Gotta Do for you. I think, for many of us, this is harder to do. But, sometimes, we must - for our spirits, our contentment and fulfillment. For example, this blog. This is not a critical thing. Yet, it seems to soothe my soul, even if just slightly. I feel complete and whole when I am working on it. It doesn’t generate me any income. It doesn’t really have a wide following. It takes up a good chunk of my, now limited, free time. One could ask why I continue. My answer would be, “Because it soothes me.”

Lesson - The Only Thing Life Should ‘Be’ is Lived

This all kind of struck me while I was typing out the email to Big ‘D.’ I mentioned in the email how she has always stressed that I should live a normal life, or that I should live a life like everyone else. I realized that we all have this list of ‘Shoulds’ for life. There ‘should’ be this kind of job, or income, or home, or relationship, or...whatever. Qualifiers. Measures of success?

Limitations.

I have lived all sorts of lives - in all sorts of places, with all sorts of work. I have never found much success n any of them. But, then, they were all built on ‘Shoulds.’ (Maybe that says something.) Yet, despite anything life has been - good, bad, or indifferent - here I am, still living. I could get all hung up, hang myself, on the things my life ‘hould’ be at 47 years of age, or I can live the life that I actually have. I can make the most of it. I can enjoy it. I can be grateful for it. The best way to do all three is to just live it.

Observation - We’re All living the Same Life, Just at Varying Levels and Degrees

Really. It’s true.

We all want the same sorts of things - but in our own unique ways. I don’t know how deep I can delve into this Observation. It took a lot of ciphering to grasp. But, I do think we all want the same sorts of things. We all want some sort of home. Yet, for someone like me, what kind of home is unimportant. I really don’t care if I am living in my car...as long as I can do what I gotta do. As long as I can keep living my life. We all want some sort of relationship. This varies by person. Some people feel the need for close romantic relationships. Some are satisfied with their friends. Some find comfort in the company of pets. But we all seek out a connection, a bond.

Now, let’s move on to Numbers, while I still have a breath of energy. [It is currently late on Friday night. I worked a 10 ½ hour shift and I go back for another 10 at 0900.]

Financially, I am still not quite where I’d like to be. Though, I am much better off than I was. I just haven’t gotten around to making the extra money yet. I’m still going through this organizing and preparing stage. Little by little each week I chip away at it.

But, what does this have to with Numbers, you may ask.

If we apply The Void [0] to The Job then this would be Week 3 of work. 3 weeks of creating and forming coming to fruition. Now, we move into Week 4 - Foundations and Building. Let’s see what I can make of what I’ve learned so far.

In The Experiment, we are coming to the end of Week 8 - Abundance and Divinity. I definitely have a leg up, financially, compared to the past several months. I still have a lot to do and many things I could use [like socks] but I am definitely more abundant. By the time Week 8 officially comes to a close, I should have everything I ‘need’ to survive [at least] a week.

The week has also been very Divine. There have been a lot of shifts. I can feel things escalating. Whatever energies, or forces, are driving this current Journey, they have amped things up quite a bit in the past week.

So, now we are preparing to move into Week 9 - the Number of Divine Creativity. 9 is the ‘final’ number. It represents a certain degree of completion. Whereas I consider 7 to be a Minor Number of Healing, I find 9 to be more complete in this. It is a Major Number.

From 9 we move into 10, which is technically a 0 - and therefore a Void. 10 exists, but it is definitely ‘between worlds.’ You can feel the separation between what is going to come into being and what is going to become the past. 10 is a break in the action, a chance to catch your breath.

Because, after 10 comes 11 - the Number of The Disciple, the First Master Number. 11 is like a final exam. If you manage to get to 11 successfully it will be an opportunity to put everything you learned up until that point into action. There should be a challenge, a difficulty. But, you could have everything you need to get past it, to overcome it. And, if you get through 11 successfully, then you are well on your way to 22.

Of course, after 11 the Number things gets a little complicated…

WALT: A little complicated?? Don’t you mean, “ a little more complicated”?

DOC: Vell, it really ees a complex sing owerall…

WALT: Doc, really...now is not the time…

BOTH of you...now is not the time. I have to some sleep tonight.

But, Doc is correct, my friend. As are you. It has been somewhat complicated up to this point, but I think still easy to follow. [For the most part.] It’s really kind of been laid out for us to see.

The overlaps just become so abundant after 11 and on the way to 22. 11 marks a complete cycle. But, 10 began a new cycle. And, by the time you get to 20, you are starting another cycle, but you are still 2 steps away from completing the 11 cycle.

[I know...it makes my head hurt, too.]

So, the last two Numbers we will really discuss after this are 22 and 33 - the other 2 Master Numbers. Both should be ‘final exams’ again. Just at an accelerated level.

Week 22 ends with June 2nd, and Week 33 with August 18th.

I guess we will see what the future holds, but, for now, let us take a look back at what the past few days have been.

I don’t know where I left off, exactly, or what stories I had been telling, but Wednesday was a good day overall. Due to a scheduling mix-up on my part, I had three full days off this week. Wednesday being the last. I found myself feeling more refreshed and energized than I have been of late. I came to the realization that, perhaps, I should look at doing four ten hour days permanently. The four days are very rough on me, but i get my 40 hours in. As for the 3 days left over, they can become very beneficial. The phrase that came to me was - One to rest, One to Quest and One to test. So, there is one day to recover and recupe, get myself feeling like me again. Then there is a day for Questing. Of course, for me, going to the laundromat can be a Quest. Then, there is one left over to ‘test’ different methods and techniques for moving my life forward - crafting, posts, retail merchandising, readings...whatever the course may bring. I found in the three days this week that I had a little balance of all three things spread throughout all three days. It felt like perfect balance. The three days in a row also give me great flexibility in how and when I do things.

Unfortunately, I do not have 4 ten hour days this week. The 40 hours is spread over 5 days. However, my first day back is a closing shift on Wednesday. So, technically this does give me just over 3 full days off between shifts. But also, I realized today that te 4 days really do take a lot out of me. I am so worn and beaten right now. This is one of my issues with The Job. I can’t keep feeling like this at the end of a a work day...or work week. Of course, I have also come to realize that what I have been feeling lately is not just work.

The other thing that happened on Wednesday was that the support thing has finally found a decent resolution and my days of driving in there once a month to go through the same ol’ rigamarole are over. Now that I have The Job and a steadier income, what the case worker has done is up my arrears payment for each month. Overall, this increases my payroll deductions by only $8 a paycheck. That is both workable and fair. It is also easier on me then trying to come up with a lump sum payment.

Thursday, I worked an earlier shift than normal. That is because Thursday night, was the show at The College. I am so so so very glad I allowed myself this moment. First of all, it was sort of invigorating, and almost liberating, to come ‘home’ from The Job and have someplace o go and something to do. I also got to see and touch base with people I haven’t seen in a while. And, of course, I got to see an awesome show. I should say an awesome cast. There were Choices Made for the show that weren’t for me, but the cast did such a remarkable job with everything. I got to see actors I admire and respect. I got to see more of their work. I got to see an actor take on a dream role - which he rocked. I watched a young man step out of a child role and into something more grown. He wore it so well and brought such life to the character. And, I saw students who I worked with last year take on roles that, based on my limited knowledge of their talents, I would not have seen them in. I was pleasantly non-disappointed.

My statement that night was repeatedly, “I have never been so glad to not been cast in a show.” Of course this would elicit some curious glances. So, I would go on to explain that not being in the show gave me the chance to really see the show and what each of them brought to it. I would have loved to work with all of them on stage once more, especially in this show. But, not being in it let me really appreciate - fully and wholly -  what each of them can do.

Something else happened on Thursday night. In the audience I was seated next to one of the students. I have worked with her twice on that stage. She is a sweetheart of a soul. She has Aspberger’s, I believe. She definitely tweaks on the Autistic scale. I mention this for two reasons. One, I find that in my life I am drawn to these folks, or they are drawn to me. In either case, I appreciate them more and more every time I engage with one. Two, because our dialogue took a slight turn and it intrigues me how she approached it.

We engaged in the normal tit for tat. She told me what was going on with her and her sister and mother. She asked what was up with me. Of course, my response was, “If you really want to know you just have to follow along.” [Otherwise, all you will get out of me is generalized, canned responses.] After a pause she said, “This may sound a little strange, and I’m sorry, but...sometimes I I get these messages from G-d.”

I chuckled and said, “I can tell you don’t follow the blog. Messages from G-d are sort of what I do. So, it doesn’t sound odd to me at all. Go on.”

“Whatever struggle you are going through right now, just keep fighting. You will come through it.”

I couldn’t think of any struggles at the moment and just took the words for what they were. I knew better than to blow them off completely, but obviously, whatever they were referring to, I didn’t have enough information to spen a lot of time thinking about it. Those words wold mean a little bit more to me before my week was over.

The other reason I find this interesting is because Thursday night in the theatre at The College, I encountered a ghost. I have seen him there a few times before and I know exactly who he is. I understand why he is attached to the place, but I often find it odd when he shows up. He generally shows up just to give a wink and a nod of approval, then moves on. Thursday was not much different. Was he the one delivering the message. [I know he had messages for me directly.]

The next three days go by in a blur. It was the next three of my 10 hour days. Many things happened this week, but everything is overshadowed by The Job - in my mind anyway. It just takes such a chunk of everything - time, energy, focus, and so much more.

Anyway, I think it was also on Wednesday that I finally wrote the email to Big ‘D.’ [If you really want to know for certain, it is a previous post on this blog.] She had been at the house on Tuesday when I went to visit Craze. We were not overtly social with each other, but she did spend time in the kitchen with us and it was not entirely uncomfortable. I though of this as my way to jump into the email. So, that is what I did. I told her it was nice to see her and that the moment was nice. From there I just sort of let it flow. I knew what I really wanted to say. I’ve had almost two months to toss it about in my mind. But, that became a problem because then my mind would cloud with deeper thoughts on the matter. I knew why at I wanted to address. I also knew I didn’t want it to come across as comepletely negative. I realize [now] of course that one cannot write such an email and avoid negative connotations altogether.

Like I said, for way too many weeks I was struggling with writing the email. I was trying to hard. I now had an opening and then I just let it flow. I am happy with how it all came out. I have not gone back and re-read it, but I know that overall I am happy with how it all came out. It took a few days but somewhere along the line she did send a reply. I have yet to read it. I figured it was better suited for my days off and a new week ahead.

The Job continues to challenge me - both good and bad. I am still adjusting to it. It is physically different than anything that I have done in a while. There is also the Ego aspect. Not so much in having one, but in presence in general. I have observed that there is a very competitive nature floating about the restaurant - and not in a good way. Everyone seems determined to outshine everyone else. Not all of them all of the time. It comes and goes in waves.

For me personally, the challenge is coming by way of this young manager who is moving up the ladder just ahead of me. He does not like me one bit. This is obvious and has been since day one. At first he didn’t talk to me at all. Now it is only as much as he needs to and it is usually to give me the ‘bitch’ work of the shift - the stuff no one really wants to do and that he certainly doensn’t want to have to do himself later in the night. I don’t let this bother me so much. Someone’s got to do it. It certainly isn’t beneath me. Besides, if I am doing it, at least i know it is done...and done correctly.

He thinks it is funny. Everytime he does it, he scurries over to the manager on duty, who is his friend and current mentor, and googles away like a schoolgirl. I figure the joke is on him because it doesn’t really bother me. But the problem gets bigger than that. This kid doesn’t do anything properly. He just does everything however he wants. Not only is he not upholding the standards of the brand he represents but he is not setting any kind of an example for the crew either. As for me, the longer I am there and the more familiar I become with the procedures once more, the less of that stuff I tolerate.

For example, the other afternoon an employee cooked something in the fryer that he absolutely should not have cooked in the fryer. I heard him mention it and I stopped him because I was like, “I’m sorry what did you just say?” He repeated it. I told him that was not ok. He said he was told by this kid that it was perfectly acceptable. Admittedly, I got the restaurant manager involved. I had to. I was not ok with this at all, for so many reasons, and I needed to know where he stood on the matter. Everyone breaks rules. Maybe this was one that he breaks. I’ve seen him break enough other ones. I that was the case then my hands were tied and there was nothing more I could do. He was certainly not ok with it and made it clear to everyone on that shift. The next night, on a shift with this kid, the subject came up again. I told the kitchen worker what happened the day before and explained there were only two acceptable ways to prepare the product. This kid tried to tell me it was perfectly ok and I just looked at him and said, “But...it’s not.”

I am certain there will be more moments in the near future. [We close together, and alone, on Wednesday night.]

The truth is, he makes me frustrated. He almost had me to a point last night where I just wanted to say screw it and be done. Sometimes, the way I feel at the end of a shift or the end of my week has me wanting to do something different. Sometimes, I get very frustrated that I can’t seem to get where I want to get, even a little bit, in the other areas of my life right now.

So, the message begins to make sense. I am struggling. I am struggling in ways I haven’t really thought about. All I need to do is just keep the Faith, remain patient and diligent, and keep on keeping on. I will get through it.

My ailments are not all work related. Spiritually I am super active lately. I have been having so many moments, and meditations, and visions, and Deja vu, ad Akashic Records and all sorts of things going on. It happens so naturally that I don’t think about it and, I find, very French I do not realize the toll it takes on me.

A good example is Hoagie. As I had stated previously, Hoagie is going through a very major healing process right now. In fact, it makes everything make sense. Suddenly, I understand why I was put here with him. This is not something he could get through on his own with a lot of alone time.

This morning I woke up and I was feeling so twisted up. It wasn’t pain. My back didn’t necessarily hurt, but everything is tight and difficult to move. Twisted up is the best I can describe it. My energies, my muscles, my everything - all twisted up. I attributed all of this to work, but I am not so sure anymore.

As I pulled into the parking lot this morning I had a burst of tears. It was random and momentary. It went as quickly as it came. In it, I blurted out, “I just want to get my life together.”

I didn’t understand this statement at all. I realize I am far from any kind of ideal existence or life, but I am also very much at peace with where I am. It has been a long two decades and I have come through a lot. Everything I have right now is a true and absolute blessing and I am ok with being a little more patient.

So, why this statement?

In a flash, I thought, “Maybe I am picking up on something of Hoagie’s.”

Tonight when we were both back at The Dormitory we got to talking about this, that, and the other. I described to him how my body was feeling. “That’s exactly how I feel,” he blurted out, “all twisted up.” I remembered my experience from 12 hours prior and realized that I wasn’t wrong. At least some of what I a feeling right now is coming off of Hoagie. So, I told him about my moment of tears and what I had said during it. He said that was exactly what he has been thinking lately.

This is what I do. This is what I have always done. It happens naturally and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I’ve tried blocking and shielding and walls of light, but all those things seem to do is block everything out, including the healing energies. When I try that approach is also when I tend to slip into depressions. It does happen naturally and I very often do not know where the separation lies between what I am actually processing and what I am processing for someone else.

It makes me think of The Email. In it, I mentioned that Big ‘D’ has always been so adamant that I should live a ‘normal life.’ One ‘like everyone else.’ I tried o explain to her that hat is a nice thought but it is somewhat unrealistic. My life isn’t normal. It isn’t like everyone else’s. I gave her one specific example of such, but this one applies as well. I took on my friend’s energies. I siphoned off some of the negative and took it within myself to transmute and send back to the Universe. I have done this for longer in my life than I had first realized. But I do it. I was feeling what he was feeling. I was feeling it emotionally and mentally, albeit for just a moment. I was feeling it physically. This isn’t ‘normal.’ This isn’t ‘like everyone else.’

But, it is who I am.

It is my life and it is real. It is what I must face and struggle with on a daily basis. I call it the Snake Medicine person in me. In some tribal cultures a medicine man that is considered a Snake Medicine man must be bitten numerous times by venomous snakes and transmute the poisons within his own body. That is how they are initiated. [Maybe this is part of why I have less than an affinity for snakes.]

As for the week ahead it should be an interesting one. I have Monday and Tuesday off, with a list of things to get accomplished along the way. Including, taking The Princesses for dinner. It has been a month since we have seen each other. So, needless to say, I am excited.

Of course, there is the weekly To-do - laundry, groceries, safety meeting, etc. I do not know what else I will be able to make of these next two days, but I do have the bonus of most of the day on Wednesday as well. However, I have a total of 7 ½ hours between my shift Wednesday night and Thursday morning. That is 7 ½ hours to drive home, wind down, get some sleep, wake up, eat, shower and get my head on straight. In other words, I probably won’t sleep much.

But, then, I have Thursday night and Friday morning to get back together and Friday is my short shift of the week. Saturday I return to my weekend ‘nightmare’ - a 10 hour shift followed by an opening shift. It sucks and it’s tough, but at the same time, it just kind of goes by in a blur.

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Wherever you are, and whenever you are, Like, Comment and Share. Let us know you’re there.

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaand Johnny…

And, those guys, saying, “stay tuned in Fellow Travellers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: ...and freakishness, baby!!

TOTEMS:

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship. Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Eagle - Illumination of Spirit, Healing, and Creation. Balance of being of the Earth, but not in it. The soul, the spirit, and warmth of life. The resurrection. Punishment and reward. Greater sight and perception. Reflects an awakening ability or the need to learn to walk between worlds. Heroic nobility and divine spirit. The rediscovery of the inner child. Alchemy. INvolvment with creativity. A willingness to experience extremes in a controlled condition. A willingness to use your passions to purify and to use your abilities, even if you get scorched a little in the process. The need to stay connected to and use things of the Earth. Important to know when to speak, how much, how strongly. New vision will open. The ability to hear - spiritually and physically - may also increase. Cooperative responsibility. A healing role. Opportunities (even those thought long lost) will arise - learn to see and snatch them up. A new sense of timing and movement will begin to develop.Primal force inherent and easily awakened. Take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. Events will now fly faster, repercussions for everything you think, do and say (or fail to) - positive and negative - will be both stronger and quicker. A powerful new dimension to life and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. Touch all of life with healing and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative forces within the world.

Mouse - Attention to Detail. It is either time to pay attention to details, or an indication that you cannot see the forest for the trees. You may be getting so locked into details that you forget the big picture. Are you taking care of the trivial, yet necessary, things of life? Are you getting so l ost in big dreams that you are neglecting other aspects of your life? Are you becoming so focused on one or two activities that you are neglecting other opportunities? Are you missing what is right in front of you? Is there something obvious that you are missing or need to focus on? Are you trying to do too many things at once and therefore scattering your energies? Can show how to pay attention to detail; how to attain the big things by working on the little things. Lessons associated with attention.