Blog One Week, Skip the Next [Or, Knit One, Purl Two.]

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Warden

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Hoagie Snowflake

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

The Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

Oh, Danny Boy

St. Diane & You

Brother John

Thing 1 & Thing 2

Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Good Man, Charlie Brown

‘Jim’

The Rox

CCPA

Senoll #5

Superstar

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Belle

The Witch Baby

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, October 18, 2020. Time...Regaining.

Theme – G-d’s Trying to Tell Me Something…and I Don’t Know What It Is

There is just too much going on, all at one time, for there not to be a point. I just cannot, for the life of me figure out what it might be. I have all of these different physical issues – the back, the bowels, tinnitus. I’ve got tension and stress. I’m finding repeated patterns – such as people snapping at me, customers and employees alike. There is just too much…discord. There is something it is driving me towards…but what?

Lesson – Calm

I found myself in so many situations this week, tensions between myself and another. Whether it was at The Job or on the road or wherever. I take from this that I must re-learn to remain calm in the face of all things. There is nothing all that critical in this life. It all happens and it happens Precise & Perfectly Placed. We all have our struggles. The same struggle really – only wearing different faces and going by different names. So…calm. There is nothing that worth getting upset over and no one worthy of being upset at.

Observation – It is a Very Unforgiving World in Which We Live

I’ve just had occasion, over the past few weeks, to see just how mean and cruel we can be towards each other. I’ve said it before – everyone talks about someone. So the negativity is bad enough – the judgment or harassment. But then add to it extreme anger, like the crew member who got in my face and threatened me. Or the cruelty of using someone’s own life against them – such as the crew member who got mad at me and told me I wasn’t a real man and called me a bum. Yes, I’m homeless – except for my tent. But, I am far from a bum. I keep myself active and work at many things. Of course, she doesn’t see this. She knows one part of my life and casts judgement, putting herself on a pedestal and beating me down.

The Post

What a time it has been. One of these weeks, I’m going to be able to start a post without those, or similar, words.

WALT: That’s doubtful.

Nobody asked you.

WALT: Nobody ever does.

True enough.

Anyway, I missed last week’s post. It wasn’t on purpose, or even by accident really. Mostly…circumstantial. I just couldn’t find the groove to write. I set myself to it several times, believing at one point that I would do a ‘Mid-Week Mash-Up’ post. I couldn’t get that either. I just could not get myself where I needed to be.

C’est la vie.

Then came this week and…Wow, Wham, Whoa!

Let’s pause for a moment, before I get into the week itself, and look at some numbers and such.

At the end of my getaway, the question was, “can you hang in there three more weeks?” [It might have been two weeks.]

DOC: Sumvun could go back unt look at ze last post.

Why, yes, Doc *turning towards the audience* someone could. *winks*

The answer, then, was “No. I don’t think I can..”

Nonetheless, this finds us at the end of week 2. I think that is important to note. We also find ourselves coming up on the end of the 11th week since I left The Dormitory. I definitely want to take a moment to look at what those 11 weeks have been. I noticed both Venus and Mars, respectively, in the sky during opposite ends of the day. I found that interesting and noteworthy. It should also be noted that we are rapidly approaching the anniversary of The Day of Death. This is not just any anniversary either. It is number 22. Of course, we do not know which it is actually. We only know that it falls between the end of next week and the end of the month.

Current timeframes include – 1 week until the end of the 3 weeks. 2 weeks until Samhain. 4 weeks until the end of The Seasonal Store and the timeframe I had given myself to be out of the tent/this yard. 5 ½ weeks until I house sit. 6 weeks until I absolutely need to have something figured out.

Las week is a bit of a blur. I know, initially, I did not seem to yield he desired results from my Getaway. Monday I was out of it and suffering a good deal of back pain. I didn’t think I would make it through my shift at The Seasonal Store. Hence, I called off Tuesday because I knew I had two long days I couldn’t avoid on Wednesday and Thursday. So Tuesday I just sat…and sat…and sat. There were occasions when I would make the move to get up, but then quickly change my mind. Wednesday and Thursday I worked.

Friday was my first of ‘6’ Fridays off. [I write it that way, because one of those is a Monday. [Also, it is the 2nd of 7 if you count my Getaway.] I did all sorts of things this day. I did stuff at Camp and at The Cave. I got groceries and did laundry. I drove down and made a payment on Cuddlebug’s school laptop. I applied and interviewed for a job [which I, apparently, did not get.] I picked the girls up at their bus stop and I dropped them and the heater off at home. I also went to the doctor about my back. It was just getting out of control. The visit was almost exactly what I would have expected. There’s not much to do about a back without extensive testing. Your back hurts? Ok. What about a prescription dose of some OTC anti-inflammatory? No? That doesn’t really work? Ok. How about some steroids. [Cause they’re always good for a fun time.] And, the steroid experience was pretty much exactly as I projected – initial irritability, bit of a frantic pace, not a lot of sleep, eating patterns off. Of course, just as it wears off it’s time for the next dose, and so it goes for several days.

I really hate ‘roids.

Saturday, I worked in the morning and then went for the heater and the tent. I returned to camp and Andy Pandy helped me strip down the old tent and pop up the new one. Thank G-d for him. I don’t think I would have gotten it done in time. I really would like to find something to do for them when this is all over. [If this is ever all over.] They have been good to me over the years, in many ways. There are several people who have been. But, this whole arrangement means a lot to me right this moment. It gives me at least a fighting chance.

I didn’t work until 1400 on Sunday. So, this allowed me all that time to get the new tent arranged and settled – at least for a start. Then I closed at The Job.

And, that brings us to this week. [Let’s see if I can do it any justice.]

Monday was a National Holiday. [Two of them, in fact.] I didn’t go into work at The Seasonal Store until 1630. So, I took advantage of the opportunity to snag The Princesses and do Sunshine’s Birthday meal. She wanted to go to the buffet. I was down with this. It’s always a good time, plus we were doing lunch so it was cheaper. Only, when we got there, I learned they were doing dinner all day for the holiday. It wasn’t cheaper. That’s ok. It was worth it. After lunch, they came back to camp and hung out and helped me tweak some things. Before lunch, we ran to The Cave and the store. On the way home, it was more stores and some coffee.

Monday night, I decided to join a gym. This decision had absolutely nothing to do with getting myself in shape, fit, healthy, or anything of the sort. Though, I may take advantage of the opportunity. No. I wanted a more comfortable, convenient way to get a shower when I need one. The gym had 2 membership tiers. One for $10 a month and one for $12.99. I debated it for a while. The higher tiered one did offer some nice advantages but none that I saw myself needing now. So, why spend the extra money, even though it is just a small amount? Or, why not just get it now since you know you will want it soon anyway? I went with the former question. I should have just gone with the latter. I went on Tuesday for a shower and by that night I had upgraded anyway. When I returned on Friday I also treated myself to a hydromassage, which is on the books for some time soon again. Perhaps tomorrow.

So, that was Tuesday – shower, laundry and work. I was starting to feel a little bit more like myself.

Wednesday was work again. As was Thursday. Thursday was work at The Job. It was as every shift has been lately. I go in, psyching myself up. I tell myself it’s not all that bad. It’s only 10 hours. And, thinking about how I can do better than my last shift. Then, before the day is through I am over all of that…and The Job. Thursday, over lunch, I had an employee flip on me for absolutely nothing. Walked out, cussing, carrying on, threatening me…and…something about my mama.

Friday, was another Friday off. It was similar to the first – a lot of errands. I had things I needed to find at The Cave and I thought I would take advantage of my time there to tweak it up a little bit. Just as I was getting it organized and settled, came the move and things just got thrown about in there. So, I got one side done and need to look at the other as soon as I can. Friday, I felt…weird. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Later that night, I would realize that I was right on the cusp of a new moon. Not any New Moon, mind you. It was the New Moon between the two Full Moons. Not just any two Full Moons…THE two Full Moons. Over the first Full Moon I was on My Getaway, working whatever little magicks were meant to be. I still don’t know what that was all about or what I was accomplishing. I don’t know what I put into play over those three days. I do know that it took a week, but I have been feeling a little bit more like me with each passing day. I also know that, though it did not match the vision with the Full Moon, I did find a moment of complete and utter peace. It was just one, but it was intense – the likes of which I, myself, have never known.

The second Full Moon comes on All Hallow’s Eve, Samhain. This is significant for a couple of reasons. First, well….it’s Samhain…and a Full Moon. Second, it was on Samhain, 1997 that I devoted, dedicated, committed myself to Spirit – by whatever form and name I called it at the time. I only knew there was something in this Universe that was truly Divine…and I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to be a part of it’s light, it’s movement. That day is so very often overshadowed by The Day of Death, which came a year later. [One year. Isn’t that interesting…for you practitioner’s of certain ARTs.]

What this magick is, I do not know. But, I can feel it working itself, even as I write.

I’m not certain when the notion set in. It may have been on Friday. But, I was getting bent once more about my life and my living circumstances and how long it has been going on and how sucky it can be – more often than not. It’s true. I’m living in a tent. But, I am not living hard in a tent. I am comfortable and functional. I have heat. Enough that I am sitting here now without a hoodie or covering. It is cool out – 54 degrees – and I am as comfortable as being in a living room. I have electric – enough that I will never be in the dark, and have my coffee, and charge my phone, and do my work on the laptop. [I also now have a small TV.] I have a bed. It is an army cot with an air mattress on top. The truth is, it is the closest thing I have had to a real bed in just over a decade. There is ample storage and I have what I need to function. Everything has it’s place and is there. [Even in a tent, I keep a pretty decent home.] I even have two little decorations – three, in fact. I have my keychain collection from the Seasonal Store. It’s just three little things that I clipped together. I have my BB-8 that I made earlier this year. And, I have the little gnome that I painted.

It's a home. It’s not much of one. But, it is a home, and it is blessed. That was almost the title for this post – ‘How Sweet It Is to be Blessed by You.’ For as frustrated as I feel, for as dejected and depressed as I get almost every other day – I truly am blessed. It comes through friends. It comes through hard work and commitment. There is a bit of creativity involved in nit all. But, more than anything, it comes from that Divine Source of all that is.

If this is my course, it is my course for a reason. [Perhaps, soon, we’ll discover what that reason has been.]

Saturday and Sunday I would return to The Job. There were a couple of small incidents on Saturday. There is just a lot of attitude among the crew. It seems as though I can’t say anything to anyone about anything. The response is always defensive, cocky, attitude, and negativity. I realize I am a hard ass. But, I also know that I am not a prick. [A point I recently made to the GM.] I don’t think I ever talk to anyone, or treat anyone, in such a way that is deserving of the kind of attitude I am getting from everyone lately.

Sunday, it was worse. There was attitude everywhere once more. Even from a customer. I had a customer reading me the riot act over her sandwich not being made correctly. She dropped the ‘F Bomb’ at me. I walked away. I will take a lot of crap from customers. Call me names, yell at me, cuss other words. But, that one I will not tolerate. Drop that bomb at me and I am done. Drop it at my crew and you are done. I have, in my career, kicked someone out of my drive-thru for dropping it at my cashier. I walked over, gave the young man his money back and told him and his friend to move along, we weren’t going to serve them.

“You…you can’t do that!”

“I just did.” *closes window.*

There is also a trend at work with complaining about being short staffed or too busy or whatever, and then there is a lot of standing around, idle chit-chat, poor time management. It makes me want to smack people upside the back of the head. You know, that old Gibbs move. [NCIS reference for those of you Fellow Travelers who may not know.]

Then, two hours until the end of my shift, another crew member snapped at me. It was, again, over something stupid. I, personally, wasn’t being mean or condescending or even prickish. Though, in this moment, I can see the potential for it being taken that way. I was tired and frustrated already and then there was a moment of confusion on my part. Something stupid and simple. Something that with a clearer head I may have maneuvered through, but, instead, I pushed it back on to the crew member. Again, so simple and stupid it is a waste of our time to describe the whole event. But, she started snapping and being attitudey.

At first, I turned back to do my job – bag the next order and such. But, then, I took off the headset, went to the office and got my stuff, punched out and left. This is when she really started yelling. This is the one who told me I wasn’t a ‘real man.’ [I still have no clue what that means.] This is the one who called me a bum. Don’t worry, against better spiritual learning I managed o tell her she was acting like a fucking bitch.

I texted The GM, “I’m done.” He responded asking what happened. I sent a list – everything I mentioned here. The getting snapped at all the time and the lack of focus. We chatted back and forth a moment, even joking about how many versions of the story he will hear before I see him next. He seems to sill want me. He said it would all be settled at the manager meeting on Thursday and that we all need to be there by 1400. I’m already scheduled at 1200. So, we shall see. Honestly, I do not know that I want to go back. I mean it is the rational and reasonable thing to do. And, I kind of ‘see’ it anyway. But, the thought of never having to be there again makes my soul so very happy. It breathes a sigh of relief at just the mention of it.

All through this I have been dealing with what is apparently Tinnitus. I started noticing something different on Thursday night. It wasn’t a tone. But every so often when I would move or bend I would hear almost a reverb in my ear. Then, on Friday, the soft tones would start. It wasn’t a ringing, nor high pitched as one might imagine. Honestly, it sounded like a constant stream of computer code. It took me days to place the sound. Saturday it would be a little worse and Sunday was terrible. I had to switch the headset to my other ear because when I tried to take orders it all sounded like broken up garbage. The problem then was that I was covering my only good ear and I couldn’t hear.

So, this has been the summary. This is what my last two weeks have been. I don’t know what is happening but I can certainly feel the shifts. I can feel them in my body. Right this moment, everything is lining up exactly as it has been prophecied. One more week until the end of the three. Just in the last two weeks so much has shifted. Let us see what one more week shall bring.

The week itself isn’t much of anything. [Actually, next week is the more interesting one.] This week I just have normal things to attend to. Monday and Tuesday I close at The Seasonal Sore. I have random things to try and do before each shift. I bought seam sealer and weather protectant for he tent that I would like to get on. Just as an extra measure of caution. It is time to mow this lawn. It is the least I can do for their generosity. I need to get in a shower and a shave sometime soon. And, I need to get the MattMobile cleaned out a bit.

Wednesday, I open and I will probably go and do laundry afterwards.

Thursday it is supposed to be back to The Job. We will see how that goes.

Friday, once again, becomes my day to do things. I will probably make my way to The Cave and see if I can tweak up the rest of it. At the very least to the point of better functionality. Some of it I may not be able to tweak into a better spot at all. I will most likely wash and clean out The MattMobile, for I need it on Monday. From there, who knows. Then it is back for two more days at The Job. [Maybe.]

Next week, sees some shifts and events.

First, it includes The Day of Death [Observed.] There is also Big ‘D’s Re-Birthday. As I mentioned before it will be All Hallow’s Eve and a Full Blue Moon. Friday night, I am planning on taking the girls to see a show at The College. I still need to call and reserve those tickets. My schedule shifts a bit next week. I am off on Monday. Two opens at the Seasonal Store follow that. Then a shift I do not know for The Job, but at a different store. Friday, I open at The Seasonal Store and then some shift on Saturday at a different store again. Then back to my normal Sunday.

For me, the most interesting part of next week is Monday. I am taking a Quest. Not just any Quest, but a Quest with Looch. We are going to Sleepy Hollow, NY. I let him choose the destination. A Quest is a Quest is a Quest to me. So it matters not where I go. I found the choice interesting. I have been there once, but mostly in passing. I never really explored. I’m not certain it is worth a trip. And, this is a conversation the Princesses and I just had on our travels to and from Mystic. No one knew that going there had come up and yet Looch chose it at random. This is how my life works. This is all the validation that I need. Our trip is ‘right’ and the destination is ’right.’ Now, it is just a matter of doing it.

Financially, I am in a tight place. What else is new, right? It’s not terrible. I am just set back a bit – what with the tent and all the extra miscellaneous expense it brought with it, as well as the small but random expenses that came with joining the gym. Plus, there was the cost of My Getaway, as well as the income lost from actually getting away. I have funds and I will be fine until I get paid on Thursday, but I am basically reset once more. I will come down to a bare minimum over the next few days and then I will start over with this paycheck, slowly building with each weekly paycheck that follows. I have some trends and habits that I need to shift. Unnecessary expenses to eliminate, or control better. But, all in all, I am ok and building up the funds to rent a room or a place somewhere [including a deposit] should line up perfectly with my six weeks. I don’t imagine it will be much of a place. But, it will be a place.

The back and the body are still offering their challenges and the ear thing is making me a little batty. My silence, these days, truly is deafening.

Big ‘D” has had her surgery and seems to be recovering well from what I hear.

I still have a ‘new’ project that I am working on. The fact that I even have it started is a move in the right direction. Now, I just need to keep whittling away at it until it takes some form.

All in all, as usual, I just don’t know what is going on or where my place in it all may fall. All I can do is just keep showing up, and doing my best, each day. All I can be is ‘Just a guy…dopin’ along.’

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So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaand Johnny…

And, those guys, saying, “stay tuned in Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: ...and freakishness, baby!!

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.

Tinnitus – (from You Can Heal Your Body by Louise L. Hay)

Refusal to listen. Not hearing the inner voice. Stubbornness. (I trust my Higher Self. I listen with love to my inner voice. I release all that is unlike the action of Love.)