Copy of DRAFT

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, September 1, Two-Thousand and Twenty-More. Time...Sorting

Theme – ???

Lesson – ????

Observation – As Long as You're Trying

The Post

 It is currently Tuesday morning [27.] It's just been that kind of flow lately. I really feel like I need an almost daily record. I wanted so bad to write yesterday. I just didn't have a moment.

I woke strange yesterday. I don't even know how to put it differently. I've often talked about how sometimes, after my rests, it feels as though I am popping back into my body as I am waking.

That's how yesterday was. That's how I woke.

I felt it for hours. Like I didn't feel bad in any way. i just couldn't find a groove or rhythm to myself. But I ran with it. Like I said, I didn't feel bad in any way. Quite the opposite really. I felt almost...empowered.

So I set off into my day.

I paid my support. I ordered my tires.

I worked, until my interview. The interview was simple and only part 1.

Then I came home and rested a bit and headed back out.

Overall, for the day, I came in $33.22 short of my Ultimate Goal. That is set at $163 a day. My safety net for the day was $80. That was the absolute minimum I needed [each of 3 days] in order to be caught up and even by the end of Wednesday. I'm sure that sounds easy. That's about what my Mondays have been coming to lately.

I did hit [and exceed] my buffer Goal. This was how much I needed to make yesterday and today in order to be balanced by the start of the day tomorrow. As it stands, Right this Moment, I need to make about $143 today to make that Goal.

My daily Goal is now set to $170.

The interview was very basic, I filled out a basic form of basic questions. The manager on duty sat with me and asked me those same questions. He now has to submit that paper for further review. Then I may move on to part 2.

Here's what I learned - every manager starts as crew for 30 days before "promotion." Now, this could be advantageous to my concern of starting as part time. As crew, I could work part time.

However, as crew, I would make much less per hour. That makes it more challenging to make my other money driving. As it is, at the manger rate, I would still need to make $140 a day to make my biggest week. I couldn't do that on the days I'm working. I'd have less shifts to work with. [Oh yes. That's $140 each day for 7 days.]

Essentially, I am in way over my head...and have been all along.

I just said to Cuddlebug this morning that there must be a plan. We are not in this home by accident. I think of the course of things on the journey here. It was a plan years in the making. Step by step. Piece by piece. And, when I officially moved in, I was told it was a 3 year plan. We are only a little over half way through that.

So, I believe there is a way.

Trust in the Lord G-d with All Your Might.

In other news, I learned this morning that the tires I ordered are awaiting delivery to the warehouse. This makes life interesting because I need them on for inspection and I need my inspection done by Friday.

So that is where life finds me this fine morning. Overall, I feel good. I don't know how nor why. Life is just as pressing as it has been for 20 months. There is no end in sight at the moment and things keep building up. [I still haven't told you what my latest challenge is and I have about 2 1/2 weeks to make an official move on that.]

Still, I feel hopeful. Every day is a new day and as long as there is a tomorrow there is hope.

-----------------------------------------

Tuesday night.

It was an OK day. I can't really complain. I mean, I guess I can't complain at all. What I really wanted for these last two days - above all else - was to get myself balanced financially. This entailed making up the rest of the money from the end of last week as well as covering gas for these two days and tomorrow. I got all of it except $6.76.

I feel a lil rough around the edges tonight. I don't feel bad, or stressed or anything of the sort. I just feel kinda...ugh.

truth is, I still feel hopeful. G-d has a plan. There has been a plan since the first day I came to this house. So, somewhere is the path to really affording it. I've managed so far, but I need to get to the next level.

On the upside - for me, anyway - I know I've been trying. I've been pushing myself as much as I can, when I can. I've been branching out when I can. I've been following leads and opportunities as I can.

My tires actually came today. though suddenly I'm not sure they are the right ones. I'll double check tomorrow.

We're dealing with a flea issue. It's not an infestation. I haven't seen one nor been bitten. I have only seen the cat scratch once. That was this morning and also the first time I've seen him scratch ever.

Thats where we are.

--------------------------------

Friday, August 30; 2320

It is now Friday night, almost Saturday morning. All day I have been feeling like I just needed to touch base. But as you see, Fellow Travellers, the day has all but sliped by and I am just now getting to a point when I have but just a moment.

The week is moving along. It's not quite what I had hoped nor planned, but it is working out in its own way. I still have quite a bit to make at this point. It's not at a critical level, but it will be a push to make it all. I will most likely see some carry over. It won't be worse than anything i have seen before. It won't be worse [or even as bad] as the carry over was moving into this week.

But, everything [at this point] is taken care of...and then some. [But, just a little.] Even the things that popped up along the way. Such as the turn signal bulb this morning. Such a little thing and yet it brought me such satisfaction. The last time this bulb blew out I had to wait days before I could find even $9 to go and get another. Today, as soon as I knew it was out, I headed to the auto store and got one.

Just the one miniscule moment of my day got me to thinking. It's something I have been thinking about for several days now, and this moment triggered it once more.

I still have struggles. I struggle every day. Every week. Every time I think I am gaining ground financially, there is some sort of an upset. Still, I can find improvement over last year and in some cases even just a few months ago. From small things like the lightbulb, or the fact that my cash out pattern has shifted and even with three apps I am paying about the same or less to get all of my money each week. To larger things such as overdraft fees. Last year, I paid over $1000 in overdraft fees. This year [knock on wood] I haven't paid 1. I've come close, but I have averted it each time.

Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard is no longer bare. Personally, I could still stand to stock a little more. But for now, we are doing just fine. I spent $38 at Wally World this week and only about $8 of it was actual groceries. And that was sugar and a pack of Tastycakes.

I got the two new tires put on today and the other two have been patched. I should not have to stop and put air in the tires every day as I have been. I will tomorrow just to see what one day actually did, I still want to get 2 more new tires before winter.

I learned that I need to go back next Friday and have the brakes and rotors changed. I knew it was coming. They all passed inspection but were getting low. Now it is time. There's a bushing on an arm or something like that. My only takeaway on that one was that he can fix it under warranty. And there is some someting or other that he doesn't think we have touched at all in these two years and it has a lil more play to it than it should.

All in all, believe it or not, this is not a bad report. It's like The Mechanic said - at this point The Rocket is the equivelant of a 100 year old person.

Still battling fleas. It is a curious thing. As i said before I have not had a problem. Still, Cuddlebug does and she swears she has seen them down here. Ground Zero seems to be upstairs somewhere between the two girls' rooms. [Their mom's house has a flea problem at the moment.] I went up earlier to set some wter traps and sprinkle salt through Cuddlebug's room. I maybe got one bite. [And I still haven't seen any.] When she came home after work, she was in her room for only a few minutes and when she came down I watched her pick at least 4 off of herself.

I find it interesting, but also concerning. Her body is reacting to the bites [and the stress they are causing.]

My own body is doing something. Especially today. I have been feeling rough - physically. But on every other level I seem to be energized and ready to go.

I still feel like there is a shift coming. I don't know if it is good or bad...but I am 98.5% certain it is coming. [And possibly soon.]

It is very very late now. Or early, depending on how you're coming at it.

------------------------------------

And, finally, we have hit Sunday.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I wrote that previous sentence hours ago. I was trying to reach a certain groove and it has just been hard to get there. I don't know if hard is actually the word. I haven't been struggling. I'm just getting there very [very] slowly. It reminds me of a good meditation. [Or ritual soak.] It just takes a lot of decompression to get all the spare thoughts out of my head for the moment.

I don't actually know how I feel at the moment. It was a decent week. Once again, I didn't quite get where I was headed. Close - depending on how you look at it. I ended up about $63 shy of the actual Goal. However, there was about $43 worth of expenses that were not planned nor budgeted.

That's OK.

I'm recovering from an Episode. [That's what I'm going to call them from now on.] If you've been around for a while, Fellow Travelers, I have discussed my Episodes before. I know of 3 of them - The Original and The Twins.

The Original happened many, many moons ago. It was the moment that began it all. The Twins happened many years later and almost exactly 1 year apart.

The Original was not as random as The Twins. I was piddling around with spiritual things - mostly, for the 1st time. BOOM! I dropped. So many visions and moments. I do not know how long I was laying on that floor, but I estimate it to be about 3 hours.

The Twins both happened immediately following one of my rests/meditations. I remember them. Both times, I kind of came out of it but not really. I forced myself to get up. I did not last long.

With the first, I managed to get into the kitchen and grab a little snack. I was nibbling away and suddenly thought, "Something's not right." I immediately set on my way back to the couch. Now, Fellow Travelers, it was not a long distance I needed to traverse. not at all. I had 3-5 steps out of the kitchen, through the doorway, and into the family room. Then I needed only take about 5-7 steps to my left to reach the couch.

I didn't make it.

I got damn close though. I must have had only about 2 steps to the couch and BOOM! I dropped. I think I came back to fairly instantly. [I think.] I don't really know for sure. I only know I had a cut across the bridge of my nose where it hit against the coffee table when I went down.

I went to the doctor after that one. [Now it had been something like 15-18 years between Incidents.] I went through a series of tests and scans. My doctor's 'official' medical diagnosis was, "We're gonna call this fluke." They could find nothing wrong with me. Medically - physically - speaking it was really just something "that happened."

About a year would pass before another Incident. Again I was 'in my space' on the couch in the family room. Again, I forced myself back to this existence. I stumbled my way to the bathroom. Again, we're talking like 20 steps or less.

I got to the toilet. I may have urinated. I may not have gotten that far. I can't remember at the moment. Nonetheless, I recognized the feeling I was having and again I thought, "Something's not right."

Again, I dropped. Right there. Right then. I had the thought and I hit the floor. This time I know I wasn't out long because it was the sound of my head hitting the floor - echoing inside my head - that brought me back to consciousness.

I skipped the doctor this time.

here we are some 7 or more years later. There has not been an Incident since then. I did spend a long time cautious and aware. Maybe too much. One at least 2 occasions I told someone I was working with about my tendency to just lose consciousness. I told them because I wasn't feeling right.

No Incident.

Then, yesterday, I had that feeling again.

I was picking up an order. The staff actually met me at the door. [They were up to some sort of no good when I arrived.] Anyway, while he was handing me the bag, it swept over me. My whole perception shifted.

I was suddenly light headed. Things were somewhat blurred, and somewhat spinning. I had no balance nor strength. When I walked, I walked like a very drunk man. I seriously thought for a moment about sitting down and leaning against the support column. I was legit scared to drive.

I did not pass out.

I did, however, have several more moments like that one throughout the rest of my shift. None were as intense or severe. But all were similar in nature. I would lose my balance. I would lose my perception.

I had a few, even less severe, moments this morning. Cuddlebug seriously checked in with me or had me checkin with her like 3 times today. Nothing happened. It's over, I suppose. I survived. Or...any moment could be the moment. And I just have to accept that.

As frightening as all of that may seem, the truth is I feel pretty damn good Right This Moment. Maybe too good. I should be getting to bed. Tomorrow may be a holiday but I still need [and want] to work. But I also wanted to work at this. I don't know that I will get it done because I am blanking on The Trinity at the moment.

I feel different. I am so relaxed and chill lately. [Well...except for when I'm dealing with the FB Twatwaffles. Their ignorance gets me all fired up.] Anyway, I really feel like a shift is about to happen...or has happened has yet to manifest.

I got the two tires put on. What a change in diving experience that has been. I want to get 2 more before winter. I thought I was going to have to move that schedule up but they were able to repair the other two tires. I do have to go back this coming week for brakes. But I may have told you all of this.

My legs are hurting since the Incident. I figure it's just a side effect.

I have an interesting week ahead. I mean its work just like its always work. I have a higher end daily Goal. It's actually more of a mid-range. I don't know how possible it is. The week is peppered with small bills. And a couple larger ones. I have to juggle my way through these first few days. After that I can have a day or two of "flexible spending" - groceries and what not. I have a minimal miscellaneous budget this week. Of course, it's just slated in there and there is nothing guaranteeing I will make it.

I mention this for a reason. I think I want to do Phase 2 of my Lottery Experiment this week. I've been contemplating it for a couple months now and now seems like the right time. I don't even want to say a good time. [It's not really.] But it feels like the right time.

For those that may not know, I had a thought about scratch off tickets. It was inspired by a Christmas experience. I have a particular system of buying tickets [must be multiple at a time] that guarantees me a winning ticket 98% of the time. Now, to be fair, because of the system a single winning ticket could still have me losing most of my money.

At Christmas, my system got pushed to the extremes, put to the test. I took my system and multiplied it by 6. [That's how many of us were here on Christmas Eve.] There were 6 winning tickets. Though, one set had no winner and another had two. [This is why it is a 98% of the time thing. The two winners is usually more of 9.8% of the time. Probably much less it was just fun to play with the numbers like that.] Anyway, across the board we made about $30-40 more than I had spent. Everybody got their share and I took the remainder.

That got me to thinking.

The system works. The sytem seems to work better with more groupings of tickets. [Odds and all that.] By better, I mean there is more potential for breaking even, if not getting ahead. The chance of losing money may drop significantly. [This is all part of what the experiment wants to know.]

I decided that I would start at the bottom and work my way up. Some several months ago I bought a round of $1 tickets. All in all I think I broke even or lost just a little. It was a difficult process. With the $1 tickets there are FREE TICKET winners in the mix. A lot of them. So, initially, I won some money but I also had mostly Free winners. I changed them in for tickets, but had to add some cash to complete the system in this cycle. I did this at least once I believe 2-3 times before I was through. This is how I may have ended up losing a lil money.

The original theory had me with the possibility of winning enough to move to round 2. I didn't quite make it because of the FREE winners. One of the other things i wanted to see was just how many rounds I could get through with one initial investment.

So far it is 1.

Now, I want to try Round 2. This is $2 tickets. I learned from my friend where i buy my tickets that after the $1 tickets there aren't really a lot of FREE winners. This could improve my chances of coming out ahead.

I could lose quite a bit of money. Nothing super substantial, but enough to feel it in the week. I could break even. I think these two may be of equal percentage in chances. There is also a chance that I will come out just a little ahead. I'd be grateful for that. Just as I would be grateful to break even. I could work with those. [Don't worry. I'd find a way to be grateful for losing money too.]

I could also end up in a situation where I end up with enough money to make a difference...somewhere, in some way.

I have a list of financials to which I should pay attention. I do what I can, when I can. But I have 2 more tires I want to get. I'm behind on the rent. I have the ongoing Mechanic's payments. My Latest Challenge - which is looming closer quickly. I need a new compressor. I could go on and on.

What I do depends on what I end up with. I have plans and schemes in my head. The priority of which shifts with dollar amounts. Depending on the win, I may attempt Round 3. I would have to win enough to cover it [which is possible. Truly.] If it is a minimal amount won, but Just Enough to cover Round 3, I will probably go for it. In the end, as long as I break even with the initial investment for Round 2 I will be content.

It may seem reckless, but it is in the vain of Trust in the Lord G-d. The thought literally just popped in my head one day. I wasn't even contemplating my finances. So they were not the inspiration. This is not an act of desperation nor even hope. It just feels like the right moment.

I was going to go tomorrow for the tickets. Right This Moment that is not practical. It may have to wait until Thursday.

I think that is everything for the moment. It's so funny to me because I spend my week driving around, thinking all of this stuff through as I go. Without fail, when i sit down to write it...I ain't got shit.

Challenge: Find a way to capture the thoughts while driving.

I am getting to the point I should go to bed. It is 0101. I never intended to be up this late. However, since I am up I decided to peek at the apps. I really think there is some money to be made at this time of night - especially Thurs to Sun.

Challenge: Work late night shifts into my schedule.

[I'm awake right now but I could never drive. Not like that.]

Random note: Normally when I write I listen to something Lo-Fi or meditative. Something chill and geared towards opening the creative centers. I actually use to listen to trance and serious house music. I do not know how I did that. It is way too charged. I still love the music. I just can't write to it. Anyway, tonight I went with an entire Billy Idol playlist. I don't know why but I am very glad I did. I have been enjoying it thoroughly.

OK. One more cigarette and then I am hitting the sack. I am not setting an alarm. I wanted to originally. But I know that if what I want to do is sleep I will sleep through it anyway. It happens more than I care to think about. [It doesn't happen a lot but just once is more than I care to think about.]

So, I'm going to go to sleep. I will wake when I wake and then I will do my day. it is an easy start to the day. Just little quick things to put in motion and then I can work.

Even my minimum Goal - the Survival Goal - is a lil steep tomorrow - especially a Monday that is a holiday. Its not impossible. I can't even say that it is improbable. But MOnday and holidays are both very unpredictable.

[What I'd love to do is take the day, mow the lawn, and cook some burgers. I will do that in my dreams tonight.]

I still have to circle back at some point and do The Trinity.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak

Hawk

Dragonfly

Blue Jay

Rabbit

Cat