Daily Post #10

Thursday, August 29, 2019; 0637

For me, 10 has been a number of The Void. It sits between 9 and 11. It is that place between levels. How uncanny, then, that it would be the number of today’s entry.

I closed out yesterday feeling good about life. I’ve been focused on feeling blessed the past two days. And, I do feel blessed. My life is full of some of the most awesome people. I wonder, sometimes, if I show them enough appreciation. If I could, I would throw a party in their honour.

I am blessed. I have My health. Or, at least, enough of it. All things considered, it could be much worse than it is. Much, much worse. I don’t really take care of myself. Sleep comes and goes, and food is whatever I can get my hands - or, rather, mouth - on.

I have my car. I’m not always a fan of this car. I never wanted it. It’s not my kind of vehicle. Not personally, nor practically. I lost the ability to do so much when I lost that last van. Of course, the car has been having problems (at probably the worst time possible.) Still, people have been complimenting the car lately. Two different people showed appreciation for it. It’s an older car so it’s definitely built...differently than newer cars. Nonetheless, their appreciation for the car has lifted mine a bit.

For all its problems, it’s A good vehicle. And, it takes care of me. Especially considering it is also my home.

Things are going well with the Seasonal Store. Right now the hours are abundant and I like my job and the people I work with.

I have The College which provides me a little extra income and something [I find] fun to do.

I am blessed. I have found myself being very resilient and resourceful through this whole process. I’ve still been scrapping metal. I’ve had some Tarot Readings. I even House/dog say for a week.

I was just thinking last night how all along the way I have had what I needed when I needed it. Even through my stubbornness over quitting smoking, Spirit has always had my back. For as many times as I have come close, I still have not suffered any great financial disaster. There have been a few times it required assistance to avert and avoid, but still, the assistance was there to be had.

I have been looking forward to today/tomorrow for two weeks. It’s the pay cycle. I just needed to get to now and then maybe I would start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew it was going to get very close. I knew there was no way I could actually make it the full two weeks.

I had had hoped this electronic piano would sell. I did have two inquiries but neither was serious enough.

But, I relaxed into it and just let things be - doing my best to juggle and be aware each day. Of course, there was only so much I could do. It was going to be what it was going to be. Spirit has had my back and I’ve managed this long. if things played out as they did in the past, I would only need to make it to today. Direct deposits have historically shown up in my account the day before payday. So, I only needed to get to today.

Today has arrived, but the pay did not.

I woke up to a ten dollar deficit in my account. Without a deposit today, that will become forty dollars by the close of business today. I could live with that, I suppose. It’s only thirty extra dollars I am out. And, when I think of all the times this has been avoided over the past several months I guess I am due.

But, if that check doesn’t get to the account tomorrow, my situation will be much, much worse.

Still, I feel blessed. The truth is I should have gone negative two days ago. There was a delay in processing my charges. This bought me a little more time to eat and put gas in the car (Just Enough.) After all, I only had to get to today.

Never was there an indication, nor an intuition, that I was on the wrong path.

So, here is today and I do not quite know what to make of it. All I can do is face the day as if nothing is wrong because there is nothing else I can do, except wait and hope.