Incomplete

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, June 16, Two-Thousand and Twenty-More. Time...Misleading

Theme – Listen & Attune

Lesson – Bless it All

Observation – Faith Prevails

The Post

So, I must concede and accept this post as…incomplete.

I meant well. I truly did. I had a plan but life went chaotic. It is now Wednesday and it is not going to be any less so for several days. So…we’ll just have to catch up next week.

            Day 14

Don’t ask me what’s up with the ‘Days.’ I don’t know.

Why?

Because.

Next, let me share a random [and very unnecessary] tidbit with you.

So, when the girls were younger, they, of course, watched Saturday morning TV. [It’s like the best part of childhood.] I can’t tell you what channel it was on. But, on some channel, every Saturday morning there was this little snippet that would play between regular programming. For the old heads in the room  - think Schoolhouse Rock. It would be there. You’d know when it would be there and you anxiously awaited.

Anyway, this was set in a train car…and I think there were animals. The point being – the title of the post is what would be sung at the beginning.

            Day 15

I told you – this is how it goes in my life.

Anyway, let me continue.

This was not the unneeded part.

The conductor on the show was some Latina chick. If you know me at all, you know that  Latina will flip me every time. I love em. And this chick was just gorgeous. So…every Saturday morning, I would be in th living room in time for this snippet to come on and I would dance and sing along with the intro.

“All aboard the choo-choo train. All aboard the choo-choo train. All aboard the choo-choo train. All aboard. All Aboard.”

You. So that’s that.

Anyway, I think of my life and I think of this song. I don’t know why. Maybe because that’s how it feels most days. It is certainly a journey and a ride. It’s more of a roller coaster than a train though. Up, down, twist, turn, loop-dee-loop.

Today, this week [short as it has been,] has been no different. Truth is, my life is such a flip-flop circus that I can’t even remember most of yesterday. It is so Once Upon Ago. There are but two things I remember from yesterday – finding the table and The Deer.

And, today was such a typical day in my life.

I woke up just about on time. I dragged myself through my morning routine and I folded my laundry and put it away. I was shooting for my usual 0800 departure. At one point in the morning I was certain I wasn’t going to make it.

Somehow, I did. 0800 on the dot.

The morning was OK, but nothing special. I had Goals and things to cover. No different than any other day of any other week. I took the slow morning and just kind of rolled with it. At one point, I had decided to go to the tobacco store. I had tobacco and I was planning on waiting until later in the day. However, it was slower and the bag I had was the end of the bag. So, the tobacco was cut more and drier. I decided I should go get it.

While I was there, I bought myself some CBD. Again, I don’t care how anyone feels about it or what one may think. I enjoy it. It’s my thing. I don’t go out. I don’t go to movies or concerts, or the bar, or even to eat. I don’t get a lot of recreational time. I see my friends infrequently, if ever. So, this is my thing. It keeps me mellow enough to do my day and I so enjoy the ritual of it – packing and smoking and cleaning. I can sit with it, or be on the go. It brings me peace.

And…it’s legal.

I bought the CBD despite the fact that I tried to talk myself out of it twice. “Don’t get it now. Wait a couple of days.” But, I figured it was early enough in the day and I had plenty of time to make what I needed.

The professor made an impromptu stop at The Putter’s and I said I would stop by for a little bit before lunch. That is what I did. I ran one quick order and then went over to visit. I left the apps on and told them I would have to go when it picked up.

I didn’t get a single ding while I was there. It was one of those strange days when I was having reception issues. There’s nothing I can do to fix that. By 1215 I was back on the road. When nothing came in I figured I t was a reception thing and I needed to reposition myself.

I was out until 1415. In that time I got 3 orders and made like $18. All through one app. When I have reception issues the other app doesn’t seem to ever get through. [That’s how I know I am having issues.] At that point I quit.

I returned to The Putter’s and had the beer I didn’t have earlier because I knew I was going back out on the road. I visited and chilled and then I headed home to take care of some yard work. It was the perfect day for it – slightly overcast and not too hot. So, I mowed the rest of the yard, planted two lilacs, and put in the last two planter boxes. I did all of that in like an hour and a half. Then I came in and unpacked my day and started in to writing [which I have been fumbling through ever since.]

The writing has been so difficult. I always have so much I want to say and that just takes so many damn words. The thoughts run circles around my head. Worst of all, I’m not even sure what the point is anymore.

So, I write what I can and then I get distracted for a time. I go have a cigarette, get coffee, play a lil game or do some task. I never stop thinking about what I want to write and that makes matters even worse. Tonight I am sticking with it until I feel done.

The bigger problem with my day is that I didn’t actually make enough money. I not only didn’t come close to what I set out to make, I didn’t make enough to cover what I spent. I think I came up like $10-$20 short and I most likely incurred an overdraft fee for that.

This makes me need to step back and re-evaluate my relationship with CBD. I can’t seem to not but it when I’m out. That is addiction and I have an addictive personality. I don’t think it is the CBD itself that I am addicted to but to the ritual and routine involves. It’s so much a part of my day and I think I fear that void, that familiarity.

On the flip side, I’m certain this was how my day was supposed to go – in regards to the income and the work. I don’t think the overdraft was planned. That was all me. Still, there is time and opportunity to set it straight. There are things that I can still cut from the overall budget. I can make some adjustments and keep going on just as I have been doing all along.

I have so much more on my mind, but I am not clear on how to write it out. So, I think I am done for now.

            Day 17

I wanted to take some time to write this morning because I can.

Let’s jump back to Tuesday. I ended that day -$9.89. That is how the business day closed. I had figured as much and was already calculating the overdraft fee. However, there was none. I don’t why nor how that happened. Nor am I complaining. For me, that is what you call The Grace of G-d.

Yesterday wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t exactly great either. My phone bill charged but did not process through the account. That will show up today and I will go negative again until the day is over. However, this allowed me to go for groceries. Unlike the phone bill, all of the money has to be in the account when I go for groceries. [I think I could shift this if I shopped elsewhere, but then elsewhere is more expensive.]

It's interesting how the groceries had come to be. I had contemplated going and figured I’d wait a bit. I got an offer for a package delivery. It was an OK fare [it was a fair fare.] I figured I’d take it because it had been slower for a while. It was going to take me a bit out of the way [only due to heavy traffic] and I thought, “well, I’ll take it then head home. I don’t have to get the groceries today.”

I sat for a half hour, waiting for this package and there was no sign of it coming anytime soon. I would have taken an offer from the other app if one had come through. After 30 minutes, I’m usually done waiting because it is usually no longer worth the time and effort. At that point it was going to be a total of an hour and I wasn’t getting paid that much. Since, I was sitting right there, I figured I would actually get the groceries and then head home.

That may not seem interesting to you but it is to me. This is how the Universe and I collaborate. I never know what the right choice is to make. Do I go for groceries? Do I stick it out and get groceries tomorrow? Do I stick it out and see if I can get groceries after? [I’m only using groceries because it is the current example. This kind of debate applies to every choice I make.]

So, I make a choice. Then life [work] happens and this shifts everything – time, money, location, ease, and so on. I then shift my choices based on new circumstances. [Similar to how Tuesday worked.]

Where things stand right now, I will be fortunate if I make it through the week and cover everything [within the week.] No carryover is always a good thing but seems to rarely happen. There will be things I wanted to take care of that don’t get done. I’m used to this. It has been almost a year and a half of that.

I’m at a challenging point though. I had to push car insurance back 9 days. I’ve had to do this for the past few months. What that usually does is shift my available funds for making my support payment, which ultimately pushes it back. Unfortunately, it has been getting pushed back to the last day of the month. This is fine for me, because it is still within the month. It’s not so fine for the state because it still doesn’t process for a couple days and then it technically is late. My newest caseworker has started busting my chops about “getting it straightened out.”

It's not always as easy as it sounds. First of all, I can’t control my income. It’s not just put in hours and make money. I’ve had many days when I have put in hours and made very little money. I live day to day. Usually, I am working today to pay for today. If I’m lucky, I am making some towards tomorrow. Very often I am working to pay off yesterday. All it takes is one glitch in a week [such as Tuesday, or waking up on a Friday morning to 3 flat tires and not having a vehicle for the day.] At that point, it’s as good as starting all over again.

So anyway, the reason things are so critical right now is because next week Sunshine is coming up for a few days. Next week is the week we use to take our first week of vacation. [Which was generally always more of a staycation.] So, right off the bat, I am going to need more [and different] food than I would usually buy. On top of that, we do have some plans. We are going to the baseball game. [Only because the tickets are free. Thank you Looch.] But we are still going to want at least some snacks and drinks.

We would also like to go to the local fair. It is like 3 miles up the road and we have gone once and really enjoyed it. That is parking, entrance, food, rides. This is also two nights in a row that I won’t work dinner. I’m following through with these plans because it is the most I can do for and with my daughters. Since I moved into Nu Geistopia, we don’t get to do much of anything together. I couldn’t even give them anything for Christmas last year. I also don’t do anything on my own. I haven’t done a mall crawl or taken a day trip or been to the beach [which for me is usually a day trip.] So, this I am going to do.

However, I am starting the week at $0 [at best, if I’m lucky.] The plans are for Tuesday and Wednesday so that doesn’t give me much time to get the money for it. On the upside, there aren’t really any bills due at the beginning of the week. [I also just remembered that they want me to come down to where they work on Sunday for Father’s Day. They do music Sunday nights and the girls usually work that. They are not working this one so that they can enjoy it and we can spend some time for Father’s Day.]

So, I have to manage my insurance payment before the end of the week. I’m also still trying to pay off the rent I had to short when I lost my Friday. I can’t do all of that and have money for support on the following Monday, which is when I should pay it if I want it to process “in time.”

This all has me thinking about the “relationship to money.” But I don’t have time for that at the moment. I’m starting to get so hungry I feel nauseous and I need to get together for my day.

            Day 19

I am tired and tattered and torn; wired and warped and worn.

I’m having a rough day on so many levels. It started rough. I just didn’t feel right this morning. I almost cried several times. I probably came as close to enter depression as I have in a couple years. [Years. That’s so strange to say. I used to be able to measure it in months.]

It has been tough lately. I’m used to this though. I can’t remember when my life hasn’t been rife with difficulties, challenges, setbacks, losses. [Maybe 26 years ago.] I’ve juggled and managed and had my ups and downs. I’ve also survived. However, lately it seems as if everything is getting rougher or worse.

Business has been bad for like 2 months now. I’ve have had some really good days. But, I have had a lot of bad days. Days that were slow – like 4 hours with only 3 orders. Days when I couldn’t drive – because of 3 flat tires. Today it was rain. I realize this sounds wea. However, it was a combination of things and the rain just topped it. The day was already a slow one. Well, slower. And, though the temperature wasn’t terrible, the heat from the car itself was wearing me down. That’s where the rain comes in.

I was already so warm. I can’t even describe the feeling properly. When the rain came, I couldn’t very well leave the windows and sunroof open. I also couldn’t sit with them closed. There wasn’t anything showing on any of the apps. I was tired and frustrated and disgusted. I also was not prepared for rain. [Meaning I wasn’t dressed for getting that wet.] The rain came down strong.

Anyway – and this is the perfect example of what I’m trying to get across – I have been home about 3 hours. I don’t know where the time went and I don’t know what I’ve really done. I know I got two applications submitted and ate dinner, but in general its all very much a blur. My body hurts and my spirit is numb. I thought I could take advantage and maybe write [which I’ve done though not enough.]

Right now all I want to do is go to bed.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak

Wren

Chipmunk

Cat

Deer

Goose

Cardinal

Blue Jay

Ant

Heron

Groundhog

Red-Winged Blackbird