Once Upon Ago in Olde Geistopia

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, May 26, Two-Thousand and Twenty-More. Time...Repairing

The Post

For the most part, I will let the week speak for itself. Honestly, I’m not even sure what I wrote last.

Anyway…

Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia, I dreamed of a life. A life of my own a life for me, by me. That dream would always start with a home. I lived at Olde Geistopia, but it wasn’t a home for a very long time. The only times it felt like a home was when The Princesses were there. This was fine. They were the only reason I remained there in the first place.

Nonetheless, I would dream of my future life, my home. It always seemed like a far off, near impossibility. Still, I trudged on – believing and dreaming. I would make-believe that Olde Geistopia was my home – MY home. I would imagine that it was truly my home and my property to for which to care. I pretended that what I did there mattered, because it would have if it were my home.

Now, I have a home.

I think this has really just sunk in recently. Like, it actually feels real all of a sudden. In a good way. It feels like my space. It feels like my life. I have a home and for the past year and a half I have spent every day so twisted up in knots from fear of it all falling apart…or me fucking it up.

I mean this was the pattern Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia.

No matter how hard I worked, nor how far I would get, inevitably it would all take a shit – whether by my own hands or by the fickle fingers of fate. So, I think I’ve been, on some level, not just prepared for but, expecting the shit show to start.

This past week forced me into taking a step back and re-evaluating. I find myself enjoying my home more – not just recreationally, but practically. I enjoy the work I have to do. I enjoy the maintenance. I enjoy the challenges and the struggles.

As you will see, my life came to a screeching halt this week. Just, all of a sudden, one morning everything is shut down and I find myself with nothing but myself and time. I managed alright. I bounced back rather quickly, finding ways to make the day productive.

What it hurt the most was my finances. I have recently been patting myself on the back [kind of] that I have managed rent this year without the kinds of hiccups I had last year. Then this week came and I am juggling and refiguring.

It’s an odd thing, but, then, isn’t everything in my life. I managed Just Enough to cover my gas and groceries and small bills as well as the car insurance. And I do mean Just Enough. I will start my life tomorrow morning with $2.66. As the pig once stuttered, “Th-th-that’s all folks.”

The two things I wasn’t able to manage were rent and The Mechanic – also happen to be the two things I can juggle if absolutely necessary . The Mechanic I just plain forgot with the chaos of Friday morning. Rent I was never going to make with the loss of Friday. Still I made enough to cover half the rent.

Normally, I would find myself frustrated, perhaps even pushing depression. I mean, that’s how it would happen Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia. [My failures always seemed magnified there.] Instead, I find myself inspired, motivated, dare I even say hopeful.

Friday’s crash and burn made me stop and take a look at things. I have to take what I have and work with it. I need to keep at my tasks and my needs. I have been shifting my functions. I am back to keeping lists at all times. I am trying to tackle at least one task each day. Maybe even one in the morning and one at in the evening. I need to pick away at things instead of waiting for the opportunity to work big chunks. That never seems to come – at least not without a price.

The same is true for my finances. I get hung up and then I tighten the spending and I don’t get what I need to keep things flowing. I need to do that. I need to take the budget that I already write and break it down. I need to not allow myself to believe in things I can not do if it comes to it. I always write extra money in my budget for taking care of things, getting tools, whatever miscellaneous stuff comes up. This part of the budget is always the first I am willing to cut if I need to.

Well, now I need to stop making the cuts. I have to do everything I can, within reason, to make my budgets. One of my challenges has been being behind. I start every week lately carrying a shortage from the week before. So, I spend Monday and sometimes Tuesday working to close that gap.

This week is no different really. In al technicality, I am $275 short. However, I am dividing that money up and covering those payments as I can going forward. [Part of the new budget system.] So, I’m sort of starting with a clean slate tomorrow. Everything I make tomorrow is for tomorrow and this coming week.

Basically, this crash and burn served as a reset.

That’s all I have for now. It is getting late and my task for the morning is to trim the front yard. I can do it early in the morning because I have to do it by hand so it there is no noise. However it will take long and be a pain in that ass. LOL.

Here’s my week…

Writing is such a challenging thing of late. First, there is the matter of time. Once Upon Ago, back in Olde Geistopia, I was living in a place where I could only truly [and fully] function at certain times of the day or week. So, I had time. Now, I spend much of the day out of the house for work. “On the road” is what I call it, even though I am not always driving. I can spend a good deal of time sitting and waiting for work to come. [This time is difficult to fill with “things to do.”] Then I get home and I have what seems an endless list of stuff waiting. Inevitable distractions.

The thing is that writing takes 100% of all of my beings. [and then some.] I must be in it wholly and fully. [which I haven’t really done in so very long.] There is a reason that, Once Upon Ago, back in Olde Geistopia, on Sundays I wrote. That was it. That was my day. I mean, I did other things here and there throughout, but writing was always my primary focus.

The other night, I came home with explicit Goal of writing. “First,” I thought, “I’ll take care of any potential distractions.” So, I unloaded the Rocket, I started laundry and prepped myself a bit for the next day. I believe I may have eaten as well. Then I decided that I would partake of a bit of a CBD pre-roll – relax the body, quiet the mind, ease the soul. That pre-roll sent me on a Vision Journey the likes of which I haven’t seen since Olde Geistopia. Once Upon Ago.

My other issue in writing these days is subject matter. I no longer know what is going on. I don’t even really have a guess. I no longer know what the point is, so I no longer understand what the main talking points are.

Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia, it was so easy. All I had to do was talk about my week and the magick was just there. Around every corner. Woven into every tale. It happened naturally. It was no longer just an experience – it was a lifestyle. But, today, my life is so rutted and routined. [I know. I make up my own words and grammar. You know what I mean so just follow along. Get over it. And bite me. Giving a wink as the tongue juts out between the up curled lips.]

This is something I have been challenging lately. I have been attempting to break some of the cycles and be more flow oriented in my days and weeks. Something else that was so much easier Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia.

Maybe it was because I had less to worry about. I had less work. Less bills and obligations. Isn’t that something? Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia I had less…but my life was so much more. Now, I have more than [at one point] I thought I’d never see and my feels lacking.

I’ve been trying to put some of that BAM! back into my life [and My Life.] Like I said, I’ve been trying to be more flow-oriented. I make and have my plans, but I try to let the day guide me. Yesterday is a good example of that.

I had my Goals for the day. Especially financial ones. I knew I would never make the full amount I truly needed but I had accounted for that in all of my planning. I left the house about 0900 – a little later than I had hoped but not the latest it could have been. The day started a little slow but was strong overall. Strong enough anyway.

I struggled through the early part of the day though. Not only was it a little slower than usual but I was struggling with a vibe. Just the day before I had been discussing with Cuddlebug all of the gardening and yard plans. This, of course, had all of those projects running rampant in my mind. It seemed such the perfect day to get them done.

But I couldn’t.

I had to make money. More than I could possibly make. Still, throughout the day, from time to time, I would wrestle with the thought – the desire. I stuck it out. I let the day be what it would be. As I said, it was acceptable financially. It was less than what I was really hoping for and way less than what I actually needed. But I had planned ahead and I knew how I was going to juggle it.

Nonetheless, the day hit a point when the orders were going to come to an end. I mean it wasn’t the end but I wasn’t going to make any fabulous amount before the end would come. [I know what you’re going to think when I tell you this next part, but just trust my knowledge of my industry.]

I know I was back at The Homestead by about 1800. I know it was just in time for my Evening Devotion. [Yes that is the middle of ‘Dinner,’ but not on a Sunday.] I just had an order that put me within proximity of home and I knew there was going to be a great amount of business left. So, I called the day.

Many times on the way home, I thought about the yard work and what I could get done. As important as it was to me all day long, by the time I got in the driveway, I was no longer in the mood. I was tired. I was hot because I have no A/C in The Rocket. I just wanted to chill.

I came in and sat down and played some game for a bit. Then I ate a little something. Then I don’t know what happened. In a small breath a wave swept over me. The next thing I know a lot of the yard work is done.

It wasn’t necessarily a conscious thought. I think I stepped out for a cigarette break. I thought, “While I’m standing here smoking why don’t I do something.” So, I grabbed the shovel and started clearing the growth from the dirt pile so we can use it.

Before I knew it, the pile was clear, the front bed was [mostly] cleaned out, the space behind the garage for metal was also cleared. I had also cleared the space for Cuddlebug to plant some flowers, trimmed the rose bush a bit and cleaned up around it and mowed the front yard. All of this in like an hour and a half – tops.

That may not sound very magickal, but to me it is. It happened all on its own. I didn’t have to plan it, nor force it. I didn’t have to overdo it. It was Just Enough to move things forward a bit. This is probably the greatest skill I learned Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia.

As I said previously, my time and my space were limited, restricted, almost governed. But also were my resources. It seemed that I could rarely just work on a project and get it done. When I had time I had no resources. When I had the resources I had no time. So, I learned to work in Bits & Pieces – moving projects forward just little steps at a time.

This is also a skill I lost along the way. Four years of homelessness can do that to a person. I didn’t have projects. I had nothing to manage – except surviving. Then I moved in here and the past almost year and a half have been chaotic, to say the least.

I moved in bits at a time. Just as I was almost settled into things, Cuddlebug and The Boy moved in. They brought stuff. Things shifted. I brought more stuff from Olde Geistopia. We accumulated stuff and accommodated lives. Winter put a pinch on things. Productivity slowed and spaces gathered clutter [until they could be sorted out.] The Boy moved out. It’s just been shift after shift. And there’s still more stuff that can come from Olde Geistopia. Nothing big or major but whatever odds and ends were left.

So, now I have found myself with project after project. Not only is it time to manage the property again but I have all these spaces that are in disarray. Well…had. I’ve been on this for a bit.

For the past week, I have been sorting out The Workshop. It had definitely become a gathering/staging space. All the stuff I couldn’t quite yet deal with. I’ve been working it little by little. I’ve gone out and worked some part of the project Just Enough to set it up for the next part. Then I’d go out the next day and do the same thing.

Fir the most part it is organized and functional once more. There are some odds and ends still looking for homes. What I do now is go out at least once a day for even just a bit and I piddle with something.

And now it is Tuesday Morning. This is what I mean about time. I started around 1930 last night and stopped around 2130 so I could get some sleep. Like I said, it’s usually an all day affair. I do need to get up and move and reset the mind from time to time. Also, my mind works must faster than my fingers. So, I very often have to stop and talk my way through the next bit and then walk myself backwards and pick it up where I left off.

So, we’ll consider that break a sort of segue point.

I don’t know how much writing I can do right now. I do have to get ready for my day before too long. Tonight, as long as I can get there, I do have an event at The Meeting Place. So there won’t be any writing tonight. Maybe later today. Maybe tomorrow.

For now, I will say that this was not the post I was planning. [Which is another reason it is taking me a while.] Still, I will play this one out and see where it goes.

And now it is two days later. It is a Day Before. Tomorrow is the Full Moon [not to mention all sorts of other things in the sky.] I wanted to write last night and that didn’t go so good. I thought about it this morning but slept in a bit. So, here I am now. I’m not sure what I am going to write about or how it will get done.

I have a bunch of stuff to do tonight. I have some groceries to put away, dinner to make and clean up, prepare lunch and stuff for tomorrow, fluff, fold and put away laundry, something with this writing, maybe get a lil caught up on email and such, and if I can work it in I think I would like to soak a bit.

We’ll see how it goes. I’m going to try bouncing back and forth. [1927]

OK. Let’s see. Dinner w made and consumed. Laundry has been fluffed and folded. Half of lunch is ready and the other half is cooling on the stove. Finances and emails are done. Clothes are picked for the morning. I even snuck a smoke break in and wandered out to The Workshop for a moment.

Now, I just have to put the rest of lunch in containers, wash dishes, and put the laundry away. The soak may have to wait until tomorrow night. Till I get caught up and finished it will be about 2200-2300.

This is exactly what I’m talking about. It’s why writing can be a challenge. I am always on the go. I haven’t stopped ‘producing’ since I got home. On the flip side, there are days when I have plenty of sitting time when I’m working. This week is the perfect example.

This week just is not going the way I had planned, hoped, or thought I needed. I am scraping by at the moment, but just barely. I don’t know if it will catch up with me this week, or if I will be able to catch up with it. Nonetheless, I keep on keeping on. So far, never has it been as bad as it got sometimes last year.

I didn’t make it to the meeting place last night. Cuddlebug ended up having to stay later at work. She had set ground beef out to thaw for her dinner. She called me and asked if I could get to the house and put it in the fridge so it didn’t go bad. Of course, I obliged. In fact, it was the next thing I did.

The problem was the time of day. It was rush hour and not quite dinner time. Traffic was terrible everywhere. Most especially on the road leading to The Homestead. It gets congested during rush hours so as it is, but currently there is construction on other roads and this is the only detour.

So, by the time I got back to The Homestead, I was just done with my day. I was heat worn from not having any A/C. I was stressed from the traffic. I just didn’t have the wherewithal to go back out for dinner or the event. In regards to dinner, just getting out of the driveway would have taken way too long.

But I was prepared for the event. I had money for dinner. I had my clothes and shoes packed in the car. But then I didn’t get there. This is the second month in a row and it irritates me.

I gotta break again and go do some of my other things. [2123]

All done. All set.

So let me take a moment to find myself. The laptop is acting up a bit. This is the same thing that happened to me last night and screwed me up.

Sometimes I question my mental stability. I mean, here I am struggling. I’m caught in this rut, routine, cycle that I can’t seem to break. There are so many things that I could gripe about, so many “lacks” in my life. I can see how someone might look down on my life – question my choices or my path or my faith. If I’m being honest, I question them from time to time. Yet, despite any of the bumps in the road [and there really are so many] I truly do feel blessed each day.

I do.

It’s a feeling that is returning. I lost a whole lotta myself along the way recently. Part of that was the addiction. Part of it is healing from The Addiction. A lot of it has just been the whole transition of life – settling in last year, adjusting this year. Nonetheless, I’m getting there. I’m feeling settled. I’m finally starting to feel like this is actually my home. I’m finding balance in things. [Slowly.] I’m finding my routines and rhythms once more.

For instance, I have gotten into a rut of watching shows. I enjoy it but they slow me down. I stop to watch. I mean, I only put the TV on for noise, but then it’s visual as well. So as I am trying to do things, I stop and watch. More recently, I have been putting music on.

Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia, music was pretty much all I did. The TVs were in the house and I tried to minimize my presence in the common areas. Less contact, less conflict. Out of sight, out of mind. So, music was really all I had…and I loved it. So, I am getting back to that.

Anyway, I am going to have to turn in soon enough. Tomorrow is another day and another set of interferences. I have to pick Sunshine up after dinner rush so that’s not much of an interference. But, The Professor is coming down off the mountain tomorrow and I have to at least stop in. So, I want to get to the bulk of my thoughts at the moment.

Like I said, this week is feeling like it’s moving backwards. Still, I hold faith. My instructions were to get through 2 weeks – last week and this. There are still 4 days left in this week and, though I am scraping, I am still surviving.

I do think things will shift and settle into place. [Sooner rather than later.] If I had any doubt, the spotting of 2 different Eagles today quickly eliminated it. Totems have been very active lately. These were not the first 2 Eagles I have seen. The other day I saw 2 Herons flying together. [Which is odd.] And I saw another today. Robins and Ravens. A few other birds I would have to look up first. The Deer who come to play in the yard. The 2 families of rabbits. And today I discovered a few young squirrels. Mickey the Wren is back and he has been actively preparing the birdhouse for this year’s hatchlings. Ant, Mice, Spiders – all making appropriately timed appearances.

Earlier I stepped outside and was just kind of grooving with he whole of The Homestead. I felt in tune – separate, yet connected. It is how I used to feel Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia. [2305]

Now we are nearing the end of the week.

I’m not sure what is happening today but it has been f’d since almost the beginning. I woke without a problem. I got up and got motivated. I had my normal routine to go through – lunch, coffee, breakfast, etc. This morning, though, I also wanted to get the cars washed and check Cuddlebug’s fluids. The Rocket really needed a wash so why not wash hers. Plus, she and Sunshine and a couple of friends are going to the beach for the day tomorrow. [Yes. I am very nervous about this.]

Anyway, all of this went just fine. The cars were even washed by 0700. I still had time until I would leave for my day. However, there was a bigger glitch with which I was dealing. I had 3 flat tires.

My tires were bad and we knew this. We were trying to stretch them to inspection. [The Rocket goes in on Monday, June 3 for inspection – round 1. So, we were close. Nonetheless, one tire I have been dealing with for a few weeks. I just needed to fill it every day or day and a half. Two days ago the second tire started and I had to fill it twice yesterday. This morning a third tire was completely flat.

At first I was calm and cool about it. I remembered I have an attachment for the air compressor for filling tires. I never tried it before but now seemed as good a time as any. I also remembered that I carry a gauge with me in The Rocket. I figured I could use that to make sure I had enough air to get to The Mechanic. This plan seemed to be going ok.

It was not.

At first, I was getting some air in the tires. There was a noticeable difference. But they weren’t quite filling. Now, I was not patient enough to wait for the compressor to completely fill so I figured this would be a good time to let it do so. I went about my morning. It ran and ran ana ran. Finally it was quiet.

I went out and tried to fill the tires more. I checked the pressure on the first one. Then I put the attachment to it. I checked the pressure again. It went down.

Down?

That’s not right.

So, I look at the compressor and there is no air pressure whatsoever. I fiddled with it a bit and found it wouldn’t run. First, I checked the outlet. It seemed to trip the GFI. I fixed that. Still nothing. I tried two different outlets. Nothing.

At the same time I am dealing with this I am noticing that the house is slowly getting warmer and stuffier. There was no air coming from the vents. I checked outside. The unit wasn’t running. I went up to the thermostat and fiddled around. I got air to blow but the outside unit still didn’t turn on. I let Brother John know and someone is coming tomorrow morning to look at the unit.

This day was becoming more and more challenging as it moved on. I decided to call The Mechanic before I drove down there. That worked out. Cuddlebug followed me down and brought me back. The Mechanic had some challenges ahead of him and would need the majority of the day to work them out.

When we got back to The Homestead, I fiddled with the air some more and I have it running better but still not what it was. The outdoor unit has been running throughout the day. It’s odd. I am actually comfortable with the temperature but it is usually quite a bit colder in here. This happens because the thermostat is upstairs and the upstairs gets so hot during the day. So the air unit runs a lot. It’s been running but it is not nearly what it was even yesterday.

Later in the day I moved my compressor back to The Workshop and plugged it in and it is currently working.

[Had to stop and eat dinner but I’m back.]

The strangest morning. But it led to some good things I suppose. I got some stuff done around here that I have been wanting to work at. I got to spend some time at the house with both of my daughters, which hasn’t happened in quite some time. I mean we didn’t hang out. Not today. Last night we did a fire. But we were here together and we interacted and everyone just kind of did their thing.

It was like it was Once Upon Ago, in Olde Geistopia.

I did try to make the most of my day. I got some gardening and yard stuff done. I made dinner and cleaned the sunroom. I cleaned the A/C air filters. Well, filter. There was only one. I tidied up the yard. I worked on a video. I don’t know if I’ll get anything done with it but we’ll see. I’m working on the post. I have some cleaning to do, but I can do that in the morning while I am waiting around for the A/C guy. Tonight I want to clean the tub and take a soak. I’ve been wanting one for weeks and I always have a reason not to do it.

This hurt me financially, but I may be able to recover – slowly. I’m gonna have to skip a Mechanic payment this week and try to make it up within the next few. I am also going to have to cut my rent back to about half and do the same. I don’t have a choice. I work the weekends to pay those two things. Sometimes I even have to work Monday to round them off. The rest of the week pays for everything else. Losing all day today and tomorrow morning just makes it impossible to make it all.

I’m trying not to take it personally. It’s one of those things that happens and I imagine people can wonder how I feel blessed in my life.

I don’t know.

My rule, generally, is if I can make it through today then I will deal with tomorrow when it gets here. It’s a survival technique. It keeps depression away.

Nonetheless, I think it is time for me to move on with my night. I want to get this soak in and Sunshine is done with the bathroom for now.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.