Round, and Round, and Round and Round We Go

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Yeah, it’s true.

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Warden

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Hoagie Snowflake

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

The Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

Oh, Danny Boy

St. Diane & You

Brother John

Thing 1 & Thing 2

The Nameless One

Good Man, Charlie Brown

‘Jim’

The Rox

CCPA

Senoll #5

Superstar

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Belle

The Witch Baby

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, September 13, 2020. Time...Escalating.

Theme – Downtime

Lesson – Seek, first, The Kingdom

Observation – I’m Spending Too Much Time in my Head

The Post

Monday, September 7, 2020; 2127

I had a very difficult and challenging day. I woke to everything seeming fine. I had slept heavy and I knew that. But, I have been sleeping heavy recently. By ‘heavy’ I mean that Dreamtime has been over-active. I’ve been going in deep. I just don’t know what is happening.

The past several days have been challenging. I suppose I felt things building up to today. Or, at the very least, I wasn’t taken by complete surprise. I had all my moments at The Job. Plus, I have been having various pains. My back was hurting for a while. The. My bowels were extremely dysfunctional. And, yesterday, it was my legs and hips. Though, I think that had more to do with the fact that I had the wrong shoes for work.

But, today. Today hurt. I’m still moving slowly.

I don’t know at which point things took a turn. I woke and was feeling ok. A little heavy maybe, but nothing of any concern. But, by the time I got to my shift at The Seasonal Store, I was in great pain. I had such a deep headache. My whole body was hurting.

They let me leave the store. I was only there an hour. I left the store and went to my car and passed out for a bit. When I woke, I still wasn’t in a functional state, but it was hot and I was in the sun. So, I drove a mile or so to the Soccer Park and sleep some more. I saved up Just Enough energy to get to Old Geistopia and do what I needed in The Cave. Then I came back to camp and slept some more.

Along the way, I had some emotional breaks. Though I couldn’t say over what exactly.

Something is happening, but I don’t know what. I’d love to write more but I think it’s time to lay down again.

Tuesday, September 8, 2020; 1909

It feels like every day is a rough day. Yet, I suppose, every day we live through is a good day.

I’d say let’s talk some good things, but I really only have one at the moment. This is not to say things are bad. They are what they are and they could be so much worse. The days themselves haven’t been bad. I’m just having a rough time – struggling.

Always in my head.

Questioning.

Wondering.

Analyzing.

I just don’t understand right now. I don’t know if my life has been worthy or wasted. I sit here, at 48, living in a tent. I am so very separated from The Princesses. Maybe that’s what’s bothering me. I miss them so much. And, I’ve already missed so much. This all gets triggered when I see parents with their young children. I didn’t have a lot of their young years and, in the beginning, when I had them I didn’t know how to be a father. For every year my daughters have lived I have only had 3 months of their lives. So, by my calculations, counting only our time together, Sunshine should still be 3. I know that probably doesn’t make any sense and what is past is gone. There is only now and the host of bows that may follow.

I guess that’s the part that troubles me. I don’t see things getting much better for me and I just keep losing time with them and in the blink of an eye they will be young adults living their own lives and I will be completely alone. [And, worse, I will have never really done, or been anything for them.]

I’m just frustrated in general.

Wisconsin commented that she feels I’m harboring pent up anger, especially with The Job. I don’t think anger is the word. I’m frustrated. If there is anger, it is only towards myself. I just don’t understand any of my life at the moment. Not the present. Not the past. And, certainly not the future. I feel trapped at The Job.

I feel trapped in life. It just feels like there is no good choice, nor option.

I don’t hate The Job. It’s just not the job I remember. When I did this before, almost 30 years ago, it was all very different. We did things by the book and we worked as a team. There is not a lot of either of those things these days. The book is, and has always been my hang up. In my interview with The Job, I was asked what my strength is, and, conversely, my weakness. My answer was, “They’re the exact same thing.”

The book.

The book tells us what to do, and how and when to do it. All according to the company’s standards. If we are to do it, there is a reason. When I did this all before, if there was ever a question about what to do [or, how and when to do it] there was only one answer.

“What does the book say?”

And, then, that is what was done. However, I’ve been around the block enough to know that it doesn’t come naturally. It is human nature to ‘do it my way.’ I don’t know if this is because we really believe that our way is better, or some innate need to buck the system and authority. Give em the ol finger, if you will.

In either case, it’s BS. Companies are in business for a long time. They work tirelessly aiming to be better and more profitable. It’s what they do. Companies also brand themselves to the public. They create something and this is what we know them by. Our job there is to deliver that product, that image, according to their standards. They’ve developed the system. It may be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it works if you work it…and that I am sure of.

Still, as I explained in my interview, I know that we all ‘break the rules.’ It happens. I do it, too. It’s an almost biblical understanding really. Aren’t we eternally the sinners? Some worse than others. But, inevitably, no matter how good, how pure one may be, sin will happen.

So, we all break the rules.

My problem at The Job is that everyone is breaking different rules and no one is really following any. My nature is to strive for the best that can be done. So, every day at The Job I feel like I am just hurtling myself into the same brick wall over and over again. I suppose, the obvious approach then is to just shrug it off. Right? Let it be. Just go in, fill the role, collect the dough and go home. Except, that whole attitude goes against my nature.

In one scenario, I beat myself up trying to do my job. And in the other I become defeated in giving up. How does one win?

I miss my old life.

I miss the randomness. I miss the crafting and the driving all over The Valley and beyond to do some of the most random jobs. That stuff lifted my spirit and fed the magick of life. Look at last spring.

There was, living in a treehouse. Life was not easy. [of course, it could have been harder.] but there was so much magick. Everyday there were so many little miracles. At the time, I was working at The Theatre, helping at The College, and directing The Middle School show. That show alone was filled with so much magick and adhered to so many Principles. [It works if you work it.]

Now, I am kind of stale and mundane.

I don’t feel like me lately, and for some time now. Wisconsin said she thinks being at The Dormitory. I would have to agree. It didn’t really happen though until Hoagie was home full-time.

Still, I must be me – the compliments keep rolling in. [“Boy, you must really amaze yourself.”] Not in the slightest. But, it is what happens.

Today, at The Seasonal Store, both of my co-workers – at separate times – made comments about being happy and excited to work with me. Apparently, I just ‘make things better.’ *shrugs* I don’t feel like that person. [Ever – but certainly not recently.] There was a stress in last week’s Totems on continuing my spiritual work. I’m trying. I definitely got way side tracked there for a while. [The last two months have been a whirl.] Though I have certainly continued on my spiritual path, I have gotten away from the practices and routines that make that path work.

I’ve also received compliments at The Job recently – from employees, from customers, from superiors.

I just don’t understand. If I’m ‘all that.’ How is it I find myself working in a job that doesn’t quite fit right and going to sleep each night in a tent?

I’m more concerned about my back, my body [and my bowels] then I really let on. Not in a ‘I have to run off to the doctor’ kinda way, but just that it is different than it has been in the past. The experiences of the last several days in general have been different. All very much the same, and yet so very different. It’s nothing I haven’t been through before, but it always correlates with something. I can’t find that something. And, in the meantime, the problem seems to be getting worse –

More in the way.

I think I have purged all the thought from my head now. It has taken me almost two hours to do so. I think I need to break now.

Wednesday, September 9, 2020; 1123

Once again, it has been a rough morning. I have been having a lot of breakdowns all morning, mostly over The Princesses. I. Between, I’ve gotten my laundry done and been to the store for groceries and other necessities – like a new coffee maker. I spent more than what I would have liked, but now I have my coffee maker and some food. I no longer need to spend excessive amounts of money on either.

I guess that’s a win. A blessing.

I find myself feeling down…lost. I don’t even know what life I’m living anymore. Nothing feels right.I walked away from my past life. I. It, I was able to do the things I love, see my daughters, and live my life, follow my spirit. However, I was poor and I was miserable. I lived I. A house with people who wanted nothing to do with me. So, I didn’t feel entirely like me.

Now, I have money, but not enough to have any kind of a home. I am out of that situation. But, I don’t have the things I love. I don’t really have my daughters and I still don’t feel like me.

I am so tired and frustrated. At this point, I just feel hopeless. It feels like anything I ever believed has no merit left. I have tried and I have failed, over and over again – all through my life. Jobs, relationships, hobbies and pursuits – all failed. I have even failed my daughters. And, I guess, I have failed G-d. But, then why should I be surprised. I have always been a failure, a joke, pathetic.

For all my trying and pushing, right this moment I have three choices ahead of me. I can try the car until that no longer works. I can go to The rescue mission. Not really where I want to be, nor do I know how long I can tolerate that life. Or, if I’m lucky, I can afford a room above an old hotel in the absolute worse part of the city. If I’m lucky. And, certainly not a place I could ever bring the girls.

It’s not ideal, but that seems the best route to take. I could at least have a real roof over my head, I could come and go as I need or please. I could just live my life. But, I wouldn’t have much money left for pursuing any interests or even for time with the girls. And, that is the case no matter which choice I make.

So, I guess I am saying goodbye the life that was, even my daughters. If that is the way it is supposed to be, then so be it. I have no fight, nor hope, left in me. Whatever I thought I was doing, or going to do, just isn’t. Do you know, before this all started I was contemplating going back to school…for something. I thought maybe I could lift up my life a little bit in some way. Now, here I am, and that’s not even a consideration anymore. I am destined for nothingness, so why don’t I just accept it?

Yet, on the other hand, there is the piece of me, deep inside, that keeps struggling, fighting, trying, hoping. It is a whisper in my ear to believe in better things. I have been believing in better things for 20 years and here I am living in a tent and working a job that is breaking me – mind, body, and soul.

The Message Always Come Before The Moment.

I made note, when I told the story, that the second part of our Quest to Gettysburg had a focus on Faith. Keep the Faith. He with the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. I feel like I’ve had so much faith for long. Of course, I have struggled in it, but that is kind of par for the course with faith. The greater we think it is within us, the greater the challenges to it must become. Natural Law.

3 Days. 3 Weeks. 3 Months.

I still don’t really know what all of that means. If my calculations are correct, I am about half way through the 3 weeks. Perhaps this is what is enhancing my frustrations and dejected feelings. 3 weeks was not only a spiritual timeframe that I was given, it was also my own time frame. Sunshine wants the tent for her birthday party at the end of the month. 3 weeks would give me one week [less than] to move out of the tent and get it back to her before the party. I am also looking at just getting her a new one for the party. Someone doesn’t know how to take care of things and really no one should be in this tent.

As my thoughts change to things like this, I focus more on the blessings, small as they may seem. For instance, let’s just look at the fact that since I left The Dormitory, I have only had to sleep in my car a total of 7 nights. That’s not a bad ratio, all things considered. Now, I finally have a space that I can function from and for a longer period of time than a few days or a week. It brings with it many challenges and difficulties, but it provides many opportunities as well. It is a blessing. I have what I need to get by and survive. I can function.

The Father knows what you need before you need it.

The Lord is my Shepard. I shall not want.

Everyday, the father feeds the beasts of the wild and clothes the flowers of the field. What makes you think that you are any less than these?

On Sunday, I came back to Camp from The Job to find there was a chair out on the curb. It was the baby rocker many moons ago for my friends. Now they are moving it along. I thought in it for a few hours but finally I went out to get it. This is the first real chair I have had to sit on in over a year. Even at the dormitory there wasn’t much more than folding chairs or old beaten up desk chairs. It is comfortable and it helps.

When, I finally decided to snag it, there was a whisper in my ear, “think of it as your first piece of furniture for your new home.”

Interesting thought. I had a similar one when buying the coffee maker. It’s almost like life preparing for something more, something better. Of course, that could still mean the crappy room in the bad part of town.

I’ve said it before, but I think the challenge in Faith is dealing that Faith is not believing that things will go as you would like, but it is knowing that things go precisely as they must for you. That’s the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of it. All rolled into one.

It Is What It Is What It Is…

Precise & Perfectly Placed

I think that settles my mind for the moment. Now, I will do what I do every day. I will brush myself off. I will dry the tears. I will push the thought to the back of my mind and the feelings way deep down. Then, I will paint the fool’s smile upon my lips and go out into the world and dance for them.

Thursday, September 10, 2020; 0839

I feel different this morning. Better, perhaps.

I did exactly as I said yesterday. I went for my shower, brushing myself off and letting a new façade wash over me. Before I got in the shower, The Professor had texted. He was at The Putter’s. So, after the shower, I would head there. I got there just in time to pass him in the driveway. He had a doctor’s appointment.

It’s probably for the best. If I’m being honest, the ‘new’ me had not quite yet set in and I was still feeling a little rough. But, I would stay and visit with The Putter for a bit. I was little more relaxed, a little more rounded than I was when I arrived. I set out into my day, having had just a little bit of the randomness For which I had just pined. On my way to work, I stopped at a convenience store, disposed of some trash, and dropped a check in the mail. It was time to make the first payment on Cuddlebug’s school laptop. And, the. It was time for work.

I walked through the door and ‘the show’ was on. It was as to be expected. The Seasonal Store is a laid back and relaxed environment. I enjoy my time there and I enjoy the people – both my co-workers and the guests. It’s not a bad way to make some extra bucks. I get to be me and have fun and just do things.

The night had me revisiting thoughts. After I finished writing yesterday, I was thinking about The Rabbit Hole. [Don’t I always?] I have gathered almost all of the skills needed – I have done management and paperwork and training. I have done all sorts of food service. I have always worked with people. The. At work I was noticing another skill. I can merchandise. I reworked a few sections to tweak them cleaner and work the new stuff in. It is the second time this season I have seen an ART at play.

Knowledge of puzzles [jigsaw.] I’m good with fitting pieces together. Organizing and tweaking. [I told you. Cuddlebug gets it from me.] I even noticed as I was working that we should really dust the store in a frequent basis. Thinking once more of The Rabbit Hole.

I have the skill sets, and I have most of the knowledge. I am lacking in the coffee area. I have knowledge but not enough. Not if it is going to be done right. I think what I would want is to hire a skilled barista, someone who could manage that area – let that person create and do. But that is neither, here nor there.

As I said, the show was on, and I could feel it. I even had a bit of my ‘swagger’ at one point. There was a visit by some acquaintances from last season. A lot of good, and interesting, vibes. At one point, I was coming back in from the car – a break perhaps – and I looked up, just in time, to see a dragonfly flutter by. Remember, it’s the timing that’s important. Likewise, Sunday or Monday evening when I returned from work, I was greeted by a groundhog.

Anyway, I came back to camp after work and just zoned. Like, I couldn’t really do anything. I sat here. And when I was done with that I would lay down. I just zoned.

Every night, before I officially drift off to sleep, I go into Dreamtime. It is every night, without fail. It’s like a 20 minute vortex. I just lay there and let the energies do their thing. Then, I come to and roll onto my side for sleep. The energies have been different. They use to get warm. Now it’s just more of a…buzz. I can’t even describe the sensation. But, I would have to say it is more divine than anything I have known before.

That makes me think of the numbers from last week – that the beings of the universe are with me and on my side – working for me. Speaking of numbers, I encountered some yesterday. I was sitting at a traffic light and I spotted the first on a front facing plate of a van across the way. This says something because I really can’t see far without glasses. But there it was – 111. When I saw it, it made me think of 1111 and how it is a gateway for other number sequences. A few minutes later, I would pull up behind a delivery truck. It was numbered 111. Then in my peripheral I saw the road sign – 222. That was all on my way to The Putter’s.

Anyway, as I existed in my Dreamtime last night, The Voice came. “Two more weeks. Can you make it two more weeks?”

“No,” I laughed.

But, what is two more weeks?

I was hoping to have something together to move on from the tent in two weeks. It doesn’t currently seem that is going to happen. But, then, Nothing is as it Seems.

I feel different today. I am buzzing. There are things happening inside and out. I can feel it in my body. I have a shift at The Job in a few hours. Once that starts it will be 49 hours of intensity and chaos.

Or, will it?

Friday, September 11, 2020; 2013

Holy crap!!

What a day. What two days. Right this moment, I can’t promise tomorrow to anyone.

I don’t even know where to start. Perhaps with how I feel right this moment. I feel weak, physically. I feel all twisted up. I feel that hole in my gut and that pain in my back. I am feeling exactly as I was feeling last week at this time. I left The Job almost two hours ago and I almost feel like I could function again. It’s a horrible feeling, and I realized today that I only feel it in conjunction with The Job. I’ve been emotional and stressed and frustrated lately, yes. That much is true. But, I think I learned today that that is not the problem.

I mentioned earlier how I was having a rough day on Wednesday. I was down and depressed and just not ‘feeling it’ at all. I went to my shift at The Seasonal Store and, all-in-all, I got better. I relaxed. I let go of some of the tension, and I wasn’t so much in my head. I was still far from ‘perfect’ but I was definitely more grounded and balanced. Today, I was having a rough time of it before work. But, I took time and put effort into centering myself. I was thinking about recent Lessons and was trying to focus on the light and the divine. I was breathing and meditating, right there in the parking lot. I cried some more but I got myself together, went in and started my day.

At first, someone said I looked sick as could be. This is only because my eyes were still red and swollen, and wet. But after that I felt like I got myself together. There were a few breakdowns throughout the day that no one would see. But, mostly I felt like I was doing good. But as the day pressed on that would shift.

I got more tense and frustrated. I could go on about all the reasons why, but they’re not that important. I realize this. It’s all so petty. But, still it gets to me – the way people work and think. So, I got frustrated, but reminded myself that today I didn’t need to let it get to me. It still did.

Also, I was in a different position than usual. Maybe it was the constant and repeated turning and twisting but somewhere around 1400-1500, my back was so tender. It was aching. Hurt and pain are not fair or accurate words. It was just tender and aching. When this happens for a prolonged period of time it follows a specific pattern. After some time my legs will start to hurt. Then, eventually, my shoulders. Before long I will get very tired. Everything wants to shut down and initiate a healing process. I’m all ok with this, but theres not really an opportunity to let it happen in the middle of a 10 hour shift.

So, I did the best I could. I didn’t mention it to anyone and I tried not to let it show. But I went and sat when I needed to sit. At one point, I was able to get outside and stretch it out a bit. That helped. It definitely helped, for at least a little while. I felt a little lighter and a little looser. Only, now, I had another problem – my bowels. I cannot tell you [and, I’m sure you don’t really want to know] how many times I had to run off to the restroom. Each time it took a little more energy out of me.

At one point, I took a call from Sunshine. It turned out to be nothing critical, but when we were done I wept. All I want is a life with them. A normal life. Our life. But, nothing seems to be moving in that direction. The Warden sent me a message today, sharing a post for a roommate to share an apartment. $700. Yup. Nope. That is out of my current scope of affordability. If it were, id be looking for a one bedroom for myself. Anyway, my frustrations are many lately.

Back to work. In the last half of the day, I was left with the two managers who currently like me the least – each for their own reasons. [And, maybe they’re on to something.] so, there wasn’t really any communication or engagement. So, I just kept going. Doing my thing the best I could. But, I certainly was beyond frustrated and stressed. Anyway, I had to run to the restroom again. I told the girl working the DT with me and went off. When I returned, they had moved someone from the kitchen up to DT and gave her my headset. All the positions were covered and I found myself a little lost and useless. So, I went to smoke a cigarette. Sat for a bit. I had made it this far through my day, despite the number of times that I just wanted to call it quits. I wanted to make it through the rest of my day. I went back in and as I was washing my hands, I caught on to the fact that again all positions were covered and, before I could dry my hands, found myself lost and useless again. The , from up front, the one manager says, “Matt, you can go home.”

“Ok.”

A whole hour and fifteen minutes early. Whatever. And now here I am almost three hours later and I still don’t feel right. I should be heading to bed because I need to be up early – very early. Yet, I have so much more I’d like to write. Little moments in time from the day – the hawk, 111 & new beginnings, See First the Kingdom.

For now, I will leave us with the question – is it The Job that is having this affect on me?

Saturday, September 12, 2020; 2019

I want to write, but I am having difficulty finding it within myself

Today wasn’t so bad overall. I got to work late. I don’t know what happened with my alarm but I woke up 12 minutes after I was supposed to start. That blew over quickly and the day moved forward naturally and easily. Saturdays usually do. I learned few new things today, moving my ‘training’ forward.

I didn’t have any pain or discomfort today. A little tender this morning, and I had some runs to the restroom, but they didn’t leave me feeling the same as yesterday did. My back is a little more tender at them moment, but, so far, nothing I am concerned about.

As for tomorrow, it is my plan that, as long as I can get out of ‘bed,’ I will be going to work. I know this sounds obvious, but with me it really is not. Part of me is so over this whole experience. It works me hard and breaks me down. I have bene farther from my spiritual self than I have been in some time. Plus, it doesn’t really make me the money I need. Yet, it is all I really have at the moment. I have The Seasonal Store, but that is a fleeting thing and really just a small boost that may or may not help.

This is a major source of my recent frustrations and outbursts. I not only feel trapped, I feel like I am beating myself against a wall. I have been doing a job search, or at least a minor one. I have filled out a few applications, but so far there is nothing. Only one place has gotten back to me and that was a rejection. What makes that frustrating is that it is a job that kept coming up over and over again. I was seeing the name everywhere. So, I figured it was an answer to my questions/prayers. The money would certainly have been good – almost double my current income, at least for a few months. But, still better afterwards. That makes it even more frustrating.

I could have been an electrician. A union electrician at that. It was sometime in the las two years. I went through the whole process, including the testing and I made it. [Which is actually fascinating when I think about how mind blowing that math test was.] But, till it all came through I had decided that it may not be a path for me. I would have had to learn both residential and commercial and I really had no interest in the commercial end of things. None whatsoever. I certainly had no interest in the situations it would put me in- particularly, the heights. We learned through my two days at The Distributor that, as much as I try to get beyond it, there is something about height that will stop me in my tracks every time. So, maybe this was the best decision.

Or, maybe it was a foolish and weak one.

I hate the aching in my soul for something different. It eats away at me. I put on a smiling face and tell myself to believe that it is what I will have in my life, but life itself seems to have a different story to tell.

For now, the questions all remain the same.

What am I supposed to do for work and income. Real income. Income that is going to give me a better life. I don’t need much for myself, but I want more for my daughters. But, maybe I am just not to have that life. Perhaps, this is my station and all I can ever be or do. Just a vagabond, a nomad, a drifter impoverished and yet, somehow, so very rich.

I worry sometimes, that my daughters hold me back. In spiritual teachings, very often, one must release that which means the most. It is attachment and attachment becomes limitation. Is it best for all of us if I just stop holding on?

At this point, there is one week left in the original 3 weeks. I can’t think of anything that has developed or manifested thus far. All I have found is frustration and rejection. If nothing has come to the forefront by the end of those 3 weeks I am afraid I must accept my fate and report to The Rescue Mission. [Homeless Shelter. I don’t see what other choice I have. I don’t know what that will do to The Job. I believe the latest curfew is 2300, so I would no longer be able to close and that could create a problem. But then, maybe they can help me find a better job.

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So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaand Johnny…

And, those guys, saying, “stay tuned in Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: ...and freakishness, baby!!

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

Groundhog – Mystery of Death without Dying – Trance - Dreams

The ability to get deep within an area of interest. A time when a new area of study is going to open up. Two years to come to full fruition. Important to give definite signals to the boundaries you wish to have respected in your life. Death without Dying. A time of initiation. A symbol of opening fully to the Dreamtime. Increasing ability to develop lucid dreaming. Clarity and power of altered states will be amplified. Dreams will become more significant. Opportunity to explore deeper states of consciousness. Lessons associated with death and dying. Revelations about its process. Knowledge of metabolic control.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship. Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

Snake – Rebirth, Resurrection, Initiation, and Wisdom

Symbol of transformation and healing. Also alchemy and healing. Sexual/creative life force. Kundalini. Compassion, clairvoyance and charm. Lessons of forgiveness, superstitiousness, and possessiveness. Wisdom and understanding. Birth and death. Transmutation. Are you needing to make changes, but aren’t for some reason? Are you trying to force change too quickly. Are you striking out at people and shouldn’t? Are you not striking and should? What is needing to be healed? What opportunities are surfacing that you need to strike out for and take advantage of?

Turtle - Motherhood, Longevity, Awakening to Opportunities

Help unite Heaven and Earth within your own life. Fairy connections. ‘Keeper of The Doors.’ Symbol of the Primal Mother. Long life and grounded was within life. Can teach new perceptions about time ad our relationship with it. The mystery of awakening the senses - physically and spiritually. Stimulates hearing/Clairaudience; Help with vision/Clairvoyance; Develop sense of smell and higher discrimination. Are you not seeing what you should? Are you not hearing what you should? Are you or those around you not using discrimination? A reminder to use your own head and knowledge to right yourself when your world gets tipsy-curvy. Sometimes Turtle shows up as a totem to help during these times. A reminder to pay attention or you will miss opportunities. A symbol of Mother Earth and that she provides all our needs. Turtle can slow us down to help us see our opportunities. Is our life becoming too hectic? Are we not taking time for ourselves? Are we so busy that we can’t really see what is going on? Are we going too slow and need to pick up the pace a little? Also study Raccoon. Vitamin D/Diet. Link between water and land. Water is the creative source that we can draw on and live in, but we must also come out of it and apply that creativity within the physical world - the land. Also hints at needing to think things through before you act on them. It is time to get connected to your own primal essence. Go within your shell and come out when your ideas are ready to be expressed. It is time to recognize that there is abundance out there for you. It doesn’t have to be gotten quickly and immediately. Take your time and let the natural flow work for you. Too much, Too soon, can upset the balance. Reminds us that all we need for all we do is available to us, if we approach it in the right manner and time. Reminds us that the way to Heaven is through the Earth.

Eagle - Illumination of Spirit, Healing, and Creation.

Balance of being of the Earth, but not in it. The soul, the spirit, and warmth of life. The resurrection. Punishment and reward. Greater sight and perception. Reflects an awakening ability or the need to learn to walk between worlds. Heroic nobility and divine spirit. The rediscovery of the inner child. Alchemy. Involvement with creativity. A willingness to experience extremes in a controlled condition. A willingness to use your passions to purify and to use your abilities, even if you get scorched a little in the process. The need to stay connected to and use things of the Earth. Important to know when to speak, how much, how strongly. New vision will open. The ability to hear - spiritually and physically - may also increase. Cooperative responsibility. A healing role. Opportunities (even those thought long lost) will arise - learn to see and snatch them up. A new sense of timing and movement will begin to develop Primal force inherent and easily awakened. Take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. Events will now fly faster, repercussions for everything you think, do and say (or fail to) - positive and negative - will be both stronger and quicker. A powerful new dimension to life and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. Touch all of life with healing and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative forces within the world.

111 (from angelnumber.org)

The number 111 is a very powerful angel number, and signifies manifesting and manifestation of thoughts into reality. This number is a combination of energy and attributes of the angel numbers 1 and the Master Number 11. The number 1 signifies independence, motivation, uniqueness, new beginnings, leadership, progress, moving forward, inspiration and achieving success. The number 11 signifies understanding your soul mission and purpose on this earth. As a combination of these energies, the angel number 111 signifies spiritual awakening and enlightenment, inspiration, high energy, intuition and sensitivity. The number 111 carries the vibration of leadership, creativity and independence, as well as optimism and tolerance of others. Its essence is also joy, inspiration, interactions with others, communication and self – sufficiency. People who resonate with this number are usually leaders, not followers. They do that role using their natural abilities and creativity. They often invent new ways of doing things. They inspire others with their optimistic approach. They are spontaneous and have good interactions with others. The angel number 111 signifies manifestation and prosperity. This number’s main symbolism is manifesting thoughts into reality. It also symbolizes awareness, uniqueness, motivation and independence. When it starts appearing in your life, the main message it carries is the need to monitor your thoughts. This number is a warning from the angels to pay attention to your thoughts because you will manifest into reality anything you think about continuously.

222 - (spiritualunite.com)

Hidden love & power. Spirits are guiding you. Telling you something important. Pay attention. Love, Love divination, protection and healing

99 (from thesecretofthetarot.com)

Whenever angel number 99 shows up in your experience, it is a sign from your guardian angels that it is time to get to work on the realization of your soul’s mission in life. Before you took form in this world, your soul accepted a single, overriding mission to fulfill in this life you have been given. Whenever angel number 99 appears in your experience, it serves as a reminder that you have this higher purpose in life that is yours and only yours to fulfill. Bends in the winding road of life may seem random, but they may actually be viewed as the work of your angels getting you back on track. With the help of your angels, you will discover and realize your higher purpose in this life. Whenever your angels use the number 99 to communicate with you, they are activating a highly spiritual energy that is connected with humanitarianism, altruism, and philanthropy. This energy is full of gratitude and generosity, which is the primary energy of our angels and Divine Source. Divine Source is constantly bringing things, events, and situations into being, never asking for anything in return. The key to receiving the abundance that you want in this life is simply to put yourself in alignment with that energy.