Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.
DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!
WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:
Princess Cuddlebug
Princess Sunshine
Company
The Shaman
The Pillar
F’n Bob
The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan
The Warden
FaeriePrincess
Professor Siggy Chong
Sparky Wentz-eclaus
The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)
The Messengers of The Galactic Federation
Looch
BJ & The Bull
Ace
Bert-On
The Baker of the Cornbread
Andy Pandy
The Mudder
Wilson
Zason
St. Diane & You (5)
Brother John & Sister Jen
The Bee Man
Spooky Queen
Boom-Boom Snuffbox
The Nameless One
Tim-Bo
The Mayor & The Turkey Man
The Rox
PDT
Sir Richard Slouch
The Wix-ians
The Socialite
The Village of Idiots
Piz-Niffer
Dancing Queen
Downtown Encyclopedia Brown
Chicken Witch
Dick Pointer
Soup, the Son
The Legendary Pink Elephants
Baby-Mama Rabbit
Wisconsin Belle
The Babes
Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.
It is…Sunday, February 25, Two-Thousand and Twenty-More. Time...Demanding
Theme – Perfection
All of life is Perfection.[ Even when it’s not.] It’s hard to see that sometimes. It’s even harder to recognize it all the time. This is one of my new Goals. I want to focus on the perfections of life. Every day brings them in some way.
Lesson – Just Live & Be
This was the subject of a non-existent social media debate. [The other party was looking for engagement and entanglement and I was not having it.] The original question was about understanding our divine purpose. My response was simple, “Live. Live and be.” This was too simplistic for the other party [which he made clear more than once. Apparently my lack of paragraphical [yes I just made that up] responses were indicative of my ignorance. [Go figure.]
Anyway, again, I see so many debates and dissertations online. Everyone seems to have the true secrets of The Universe. And, we can make it complicated. I’m down with that. I’ve done it. Sometimes it’s fun. But the simplest understanding is Just Live & Be.
This is how we know the Divine within us and our place in the Divine itself.
Jesus said, “Know thyself and the world shall surely know you.”
They say The buddha was an atheist. Yet, The Buddha believed in The Divine. However, he believed that the best thing we could do to serve The Divine was to focus on ourselves.
Just Live & Be
Observation – We Always Find the ‘Facts’ We’re Looking For
I get into a lot of debates with people. Mostly on Facebook. I have found that the world is full of contradicting beliefs and information. Everybody says something different – and insists it is the absolute truth. And, everyone always seems to have a library of references that tell them so. But, as I said, having been on the receiving end of a large number of social media dissertations, Everyone is saying something different. Yet, everyone has the ‘facts’ top back themselves up. Because…We Always Find the Facts We’re Looking For.
The Post
It was an interesting week. There was nothing major about it – no triumphs nor tragedies. It had its twists and turns, of course. [What would life be without those?] In the end, though, it all seems pretty straightforward.
There’s always so much on my head – revelations and realizations and projects and my pasts [the one I can remember and the one I can’t.] I could write endlessly. [And, sometimes I do.] I just feel like maybe if I could get it all out then one day I could move on.
But, then, maybe that’s the point. Maybe it can’t all be put behind. Perhaps we must always have something with which we wrestle.
All of Life is Suffering
So, instead, I try to get it out the best that I can.
I’m still going through this major healing process. I’m not allowing myself to complete it. It’s as if I want to remain stuck where I am. Perhaps I am afraid of more. [Perhaps I am afraid of let down and failure.] Perhaps it is not fear at all.
The entire point to healing is to become ‘whole’ – to mend the wounds, find the closure, let go of the past – all so you can feel better about yourself and your life. But, my greatest dis-ease is my adamant self-loathing. I’ve never really thought much of myself, nor cared for myself.
And that is the rub.
In order to heal and feel better about myself I must first stop feeling bad about myself.
Of course, there is also the statement [from way in the past,] “I will never let myself come to full power.”
On some level, I seem to have been very committed to just that.
I had a good soak this week. It was long overdue and I may have to get another one in sooner rather than later. I had some good meditation. A project from the past resurfaced – with more information. [I like when they do that.]
We got the fridge fixed. It amazes me that something so simple [truly] can make such a difference. We have all sighed a bit of relief at the renewed convenience of not having to leave the kitchen for stuff. Of course, now I have a second unit with which I have no clue what to do.
I know I mentioned during notetaking this week that the message had come, “Find your rhythm.” I thought perhaps this would make its way into The Trinity. It did not.
Nonetheless, I am seeing more and more of this in my life lately. I mean, I’m seeing my natural rhythm and flow – the things that work for me.
I have a long road and a lot of work ahead of me. I hope I can do it all justice [and this] and capture it all properly.
For now I am at a loss.
Monday, February 19, 2024; 0555
With my challenges in writing lately, I thought I would revert back to trying to capture the week a little bit at a time each day. Let’s face it – in my life – every day is an adventure.
For example, I commented at the end of last week’s post that I felt accomplished in finishing the week even and square. It truly is no easy feat and I don’t actually do it often. After I finished the entry I was checking my email, only to discover that my Virus software renewed and I am now behind $106. The funny part to me is that somewhere around Wednesday or Thursday I had thought to myself that it is time to check on all of those subscriptions. [I have 4 through the same company.] I knew there were some due later in the year. I didn’t get time to do it – or it had just as easily slipped my mind as it had entered it. Nonetheless, the charge happened on Thursday.
Now, I often talk about the “Thank G-d”s. In every situation, no matter how bad it gets, there is always a list of “Thank G-d”s. For instance, my accident last February – Thank G-d no one was hurt. Thank G-d I could still drive The Vantasm away form the accident and long enough to start a plan. Thank G-d it was me that god hit and not someone else [or things could have been much worse.]
This moment is no different. Apparently, they have my PayPal card on file. Which makes sense. However, in September, PayPal stopped doing Bank account Back-ups. Basically, you could charge to the PayPal card and if the money wasn’t there they would just tap your bank account. What this would end up doing for me is delay the withdrawal for about 2 days. Basically, if I got gas with my PayPal card today, it wouldn’t actually come out of my bank account until Wednesday. [And I’d still have all of Wednesday to make sure it was there.] Obviously, this system had its advantages and disadvantages.
Anyway, they eliminated that program. I can’t get gas with that card now unless there is actually money in the PayPal account. Yet, somehow, [Thank G-d] this company was still able to charge this to my PayPal account. Also, Thank G-d they had my PayPal on file because if that money would have come directly out of my bank account on Thursday, I would be royally screwed right this moment.
As it stands, I actually have a chance to keep things right. It’s not going to be easy. Mostly because of where other ills fall in the week. But, I think I can manipulate it all enough to get through.
It shifts my plans for the week a bit. It adds $3 a day to my daily Goal. That doesn’t sound like a lot but it feels like a lot. The Goal was already on the high end. Still, little things along the way may help. I may not fill my gas tank as often as I have budgeted. And, when I do fill it, I may not spend as much as I have budgeted. That won’t shave much off, but it will shave some. I can re-evaluate grocery and household shopping. I am sure there are things I will need. I just have to keep it down to just my needs this week. [Thank G-d I worked at stocking up the past few weeks.]
There is a bill payment that could be neglected if necessary. Never a favorite choice, but it is an option I must consider. It’s a credit card. This is, truly, the least important bill of my life. I’m already eliminating my ‘build-up’ money from my budget this week. If I have to cut something else in order to survive and get through, this is at the top of that list.
Cuddlebug and I had the discussion recently. My credit has been fucked all my life. I will work at it and start to get it fixed and then something will happen to mess it all up – the accident last year, the Cave-in, homelessness, Mama leaving me with a new car payment while I was unemployed, prison.
In this instance, it has just been a long run of very rough weeks. I backtracked and realized that all my troubles started the week of Thanksgiving. I didn’t even make enough that week to fully cover my rent and gas. If I made enough it was just barely. Still, there were bills and groceries and whatnots to deal with as well.
Somehow [Thank G-d] I survived that week and all of the weeks since. But, it has not been without damage. I fell behind in both credit cards and my child support in November and December. I have been slowly setting Child Support back on track. The credit cards not so much and if they need to suffer a little longer so be it. I have lived more than half my life now and haven’t had credit to help me through most of it. Does it really matter at this point?
I remember that time frame. The week after Thanksgiving I spent the first two days working just to pay off Thanksgiving week. The week after that, I worked at least one day to pay off the previous week. And so it has gone for about 3 months now. This is why I felt so accomplished when I thought I finished my week even and square.
I may not make my time Goal today. I allowed myself too much distraction this morning. Not a lot, but apparently still too much. It is one of the money internal things I have been struggling through these weeks. I need to curb it all. I just can’t seem to find the strength and focus to do so.
Part of the problem is that my life is in such a rut. It is the same routine day after day after day. The distractions keep me entertained in an otherwise dry and mundane existence. Iin January I had a run of a couple of weeks when I was able to keep focused and motivated. Not sure what happened but I will get it back.
The last thought for this morning is that I am really starting to feel the need for an actual adventure. I need, at the very least, a day trip. I don’t know how I make this happen. I don’t know when I possibly could. I’m not even certain where I would go. But my soul is yearning and the road she is calling.
1951
I don’t know why I am writing now as opposed to tomorrow morning. I mean, who knows? I might actually have something to write in the morning too.
Nonetheless, I had a good day. Everything seemed to flow – even though I did not make my Goal. But that doesn’t seem to matter at the moment. The forecast for the week is still positive. Though things did not go as I had planned or hoped, everything still seemed to click into place in its own way.
I managed to get gas and wash The Rocket [which really, really needed to be done.] I stopped and got wood pellets and brought them home. I made enough today to cover what I spent plus some of the unexpected software expense. Other funds shifted into place that will at least cover tings until I can generate more funds throughout the week. So far, despite not being on point today, things are still hopeful for the week.
Wednesday, February 20, 2024; 0540
Well, I said I might be writing in the morning. I was able to flip the laundry into the dryer last night and that is all I was really waiting for. Then I went to bed.
I’ve been sleeping a lot lately…and I don’t like it. [By a lot, of course, I mean 7-8 a night like a normal person.] Fortunately, this morning I don’t have a lot of ‘pre-work’ things to do.
This is another fine example of what I was trying to get at last night.
Perfection.
All of life is perfect. It is true, as Buddha said, that “All of life is suffering.” There is always death and decay and chaos. But, all of those things have their place in the natural order of things. I believe, now, that the natural order of things is Perfection.
I was slowly working to the Perfection of my day yesterday. It actually all starts with leaving for work. I commented in writing yesterday morning that I didn’t think I was going to get out the door at the time I wanted. I was out and ready to go precisely on time.
And that is the way the whole day flowed. Everything just fell into place in the right way at the right moment. In observing this I thought about how – even when things aren’t “working for us” – they are still happening perfectly.
[Kind of goes back to the “Thank G-d”s.]
This morning is following that perfect flow. Though you wouldn’t know it to take a cursory glance at my life. My bank balance is red. I just realized that there is a strong chance the oil tank is empty. [Or at least as close to it as you ever want to see it.]
Wednesday, February 21, 2024; 0512
As you can see, I get to write in bits and pieces. I’m just plugging along and then it is time to get up and go. That moment is coming again very soon.
Yesterday was another day of Perfection. I made my Goal plus some. My last job dropped me just 5 mins N of the house. It all happened just as it was getting dark which was Perfection because I forgot to take my glasses [well…glass] and I can’t deliver in the dark without them. And…I walked in the door just as dinner was ready.
Perfection.
I still have a rough(ish) week ahead of me. Quite a bit of money to make each day.
Once again, I have lots of things on my mind but I am going to have to issue a raincheck for the writing. I need to get myself focused and out the door on time. I fall into distraction when I sit to write. So, I need to have a way to write without sitting at my desk. I think I have a solution – just not on me at the moment.
Thursday, February 22, 2024; 0649
I am way off pace this morning. I’ve been up for a few hours and just kind of wandering mindlessly in circles. I can’t seem to find a focus point. I feel rough. Like I don’t feel well. I was in the bathroom earlier and I haven’t quite been right since.
As I sit here thinking about that and wondering why, I suddenly remember it is The Day Before the Full Moon. This is one of those things I have been dealing with – on different levels.
I can’t say that I didn’t know it was the Full Moon. I did. I just thought about it sometime in the last couple days. I thought about trying to soak and maybe making holy water. But it wasn’t an active thought this morning at all. Not until just now. But in that thought, I find consolation. It fully explains to me why, all of a sudden and out of the blue, I am feeling so off and hazy. This happens to me all the time at the Full and New moons. I can feel that I am off and then suddenly I realize what “day” it is. The day doesn’t get any better but at least I can move through it feeling better about it.
I recently saw an interview with Neil Tyson Degrasse in which he explained that the “Full Moon” affect on the tides is not actually caused by the gravitational pull of the moon but by the sun. The moon’s gravitational pull never changes. It is the position of the sun and its pull that influences the tides. Hence, he said, people are not affected at the Full Moon. [By the Moon.] And yet, here I sit, almost proof that something happens. There is a shift in energies of some sort and that shift most certainly can affect at least some of us. Whether it is by the Sun or by the Moon – something happens.
So, that’s that.
Yesterday was a harder day to call ‘Perfect.’ It did not flow the way I wanted or needed it to. Most of my time was wasted. I just wasn’t getting orders in some of the off hours like I usually do. It was frustrating to say the least. I thought about just quitting several times in the day. I didn’t I stuck it out until about 1800.
It made for a rough day and forced some tough decisions. In order to make it through this week financially I am going to have to make drastic cuts in my spending budget. Some that I don’t really want to but can in a pinch. Mostly though the choice was to cut way back on groceries and household supplies. I am going to get only the absolute necessities to get through until like Monday or Tuesday.
Enter the Perfection of yesterday. Though neither the day nor the plan it forced were ideal they became their own level of perfect. Without those expenditures I can greatly lower my needed daily income. That makes my days easier, less stressful. That is good to know considering how I am feeling today and the way I am unable to motivate and function properly.
The Universe is Always Ahead of Us (Even When We Don’t See It.)
It doesn’t sound all happy and perfect. I have to do things I don’t want to do. I need to sacrifice. It’s not the way you want the story to go, yet, in it’s own way, it is perfect. Life worked itself out. Not in a way I wanted but in a way that works and gets the [important] job done.
Speaking of…I think I need to finally get myself together and try to get out on the road.
Friday, February 23, 2024; 0504
I need to get myself moving in a moment. I want to be out the door no later than 0700. I need to get gas before I start. [I think.] I might be pushing in trying to work some first. So, if I can get out even a lil earlier I should.
Yesterday was a fairly average day. Still, we will call it Perfection. I made what I set out to make. Just barely. Actually…plus some. [Just barely.] Even with the $5.72 one of the apps screwed me out of lol.
I don’t think my head ever went on straight yesterday. The whole day seems to be a blur to me. I look back on it and nothing really stands out. It was a day that just kinda happened. [I should probably look at the calendar because that is more than just the Moon…I think.]
The one notable thing is that Big ‘D’ had messaged me. [And honestly, that may have happened on Wednesday.] Last year, I had agreed to make a walking stick for one of her friends. I did work at it. Planning anyway. I know what I want to do, I just haven’t figured out how to do it. [Or, I’m just too scared to start.]
My bigger problem was that by the time I got all my equipment here and could work…I was at a point when I was on the road all day every day. And I have been ever since. Plus, in the winter [right now] I don’t have heat in the workshop/garage. And, when there is snow on the ground, I park The Rocket in the garage. Likewise, Cuddlebug parks under the carport. We do this to make it easier to maneuver in the driveway. [You’d have to see it to understand.]
So, I’d like to get back out there and get work done on this stick. I just don’t, yet, how to make that work.
Something else just came to mind while I was writing that and now I lost it.
Today I have to work a bit in the morning and then come home. The refrigerator guy is coming today. I can not tell you how excited I am to finally have a working unit in the kitchen again. It sounds weird and it’s not really terribly inconvenient, but having to go to the sunroom for everything really kind of throws off the rhythm of things.
Within the last several weeks there was a message to “Find my rhythm.” I get this. I am very out of sync. Part of that is just the season. I need more sunlight in a day.
0603
And, just like that, my day shifted. I’m not 100% it’s wise but it makes sense.
I have now officially eliminated groceries from the budget this week.
This lowers my daily need. [To meet my weekly need.]
The daily need is now so low that I can easily make the need plus some tomorrow and Sunday.
This becomes important because I think I am not trying to go out this morning.
Having accepted this, I could feel and see the layers of stress lifting from my beings.
I don’t mind my life. I don’t mind the struggles or my station. [Not anymore. Once Upon Ago.] I don’t mind that I work pretty much all day every day. I don’t mind that there is a constant list of projects around The Homestead. I don’t mind that there are things I’d like to do [such as woodworking] that I don’t ever seem to get to do.
I just keep plugging away. One day. One day I’ll get there.
But, being a human – and a male one at that [who also happens to be Pennsylvania Dutch] – my stubbornness will always prevail. I will push through no matter what. This stubbornness often blinds me to what my body and soul need.
So, I will take the morning. I will move slowly. [Find your rhythm.] I will work at some stuff. Maybe I’ll get out to the workshop before The repair guy comes. Maybe I’ll even get my soak in.
Saturday, February 24, 2024;0626
I’m running a lil behind this morning. I don’t quite have my groove on.
Yesterday was OK. We have a working fridge/freezer in the kitchen again so that is an awesome thing. It got me out on the road later than I really wanted but I made use of the morning time. Purged my mind which is always necessary thing. Now I just have to take all of my notes and organize them.
Other than that the day was pretty well just OK. I did ok in the few hours I was able to be out on the road. It makes today and tomorrow a lil harder than I wanted them to be, but I’ll get by.
I feel…curious.
If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.
Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.
So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…
WALT: And Walt…
DOC: Unt Doc…
JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…
And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…
WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.
The Totems & Archetypes
from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak
Frog – Transformation Through Water and Sound
Water and Land. Faeries and elves. Linked to rain and control of the weather. Lunar energies. Have been known to be heralders of abundance and fertility. You may need to get in touch with the water element. It may reflect that there are new rains coming or that you need to call new rains forth. Maybe the old waters are becoming dirty and stagnant. Frog can teach you how to clean them up. It is a totem of metamorphosis. It is a symbol of coming into one’s own creative power. Usually frog people have strong ties to their mothers. [Hint? Clue?] Are you becoming too mundane? Are you becoming too mired in the mud of your day-to-day life? Are you needing to dive into some fresh creative water? Are you feeling waterlogged, becoming bogged down, or drowning in emotions?
Goose - The Call of the Quest and Travels to Legendary Places
A totem reflecting a stimulation of the childhood thrill and belief in stories and legendary places. These stories either reflected an imprint for this life or they may have even imprinted you with certain seed ideas. Also be a totem to aid you in communication especially through the use of stories. Individuals wishing to write - be it stories or anything - can facilitate this process by working with the goose as a totem. It will stimulate the imagination and help move you through creative blocks. Also a symbol of fertility and marital fidelity. It may reflect a need for more vegetables in the diet, and maybe even becoming a vegetarian for a while. It reflects an ability to move forward or backward. It reflects movement, and a call to the spiritual quest. Stirs our imagination and makes us want to seek out new worlds and dimensions. Calling us to follow them on the great spiritual quest. It speaks of the fulfilled promises that great quests bring. Epitomizes the mystery of migration. Reminds us that as any one individual mass his or her quest, it becomes easier for others to do so as well. Reminding us that we should not undertake any quest in life without having a full view of what it entails. In this way the journey is facilitated for others. Reflects an opening to new possibilities. New directions and new possibilities. Reflects an openness to new ideas. Usually indicates we are about to affix ourselves to a new path. Reflects great fertility that should be acted upon if growth is desired. Greater vision, physical and spiritual, will occur. Can reflect that you are about to break free of old childhood restraints and begin to come into your own. You can expect to have the imagination stirred towards new travels to distant places - whether in the body or mind.
Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.
Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.
Skunk - Sensuality, Respect, and Self-Esteem
Teaches how to give respect, expect respect, and demand respect. It helps you to recognize your own qualities and assert them. Can teach you how to be more self-assured and how to assert yourself. The owl should be studied as it is a contrary medicine. Teach us how to get more attention without being arrogant and irritating. Sometimes it shows up to help us deal with those people in our life who are outrageously irritating. The sense of smell has ties to sensuality and sexuality. The use of fragrances will elicit dynamic responses in those associated with. Can usually expect to experience stronger sexual responses to others and in their response to you. A greater ability to attract people will begin to unfold. Cycles. Must learn to balance the ability to draw and repel people. There is a natural cycle. Solitary animal. There are times best for drawing people and there are times to avoid people. Indication of the active flow of the Kundalini or life force (ties to the sexual energies and the life force active in every aspect of the life process.) Kundalini is usually already active. Time to amplify and teach the use and control of this life force more effectively. The ability to be able to turn on and off the creative force and direct it along several lines. Good for those people with this totem not to blow their own horn. Sit back and let others do the noticing for you. Teach you when it is best to be noticed and how o go about it most effectively. Going to have opportunities to bring out new respect and self-esteem. Lessons and times associated with increased sensuality physically, sexually, psychically, and spiritually. Examine your self-image. People are going to notice you. How they notice and remember can be controlled by you.
Vulture - Purification - Death and Rebirth - New Vision.
A guardian to the mysteries of life and death and the road of salvation. A coming time when you will be noticed more for what you do than how you appear. You will probably start to see auras and energies around people and things. Distributing one’s energy so that gravity does not weigh and hold one down - be it the actual gravity of the earth or the gravity of mundane situations and experiences. Associated with higher forms of discrimination. Assist you in developing your own sense of ‘smell’ that you can use effectively in all areas of your life. Aromatherapy. Changes in the digestive system. Pay attention to how you feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually after eating various foods. Acting rather than talking. May take as much as three months before an individual begins to truly move past the death stage to rebirth. A promise that the suffering of the immediate was temporary and necessary for a higher purpose was at work. Reflects that no matter how difficult the life conditions, rescue is imminent in your life.