S2:EP17 - Hi, ho! Hi, Ho! To What Work Do I Go?

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true. 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co. 

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Warden

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Hoagie Snowflake

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

The Looch

The Bassett Hound 

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

Oh, Danny Boy

St. Diane & You

Brother John

Thing 1 & Thing 2

The Nameless One

All the People in My ‘Neighborhood’

White Gurl

The Anomaly 

Good Man, Charlie Brown

Someone Else

The Rox

CCPA

The PA F&AM

PDT

Senoll #5

Superstar

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

My Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous. 

It is…Sunday, December 8, 2019. Time...Unknown.

My goodness. What a time it has been  - the past several days, the last few weeks, these entire 9+ months. 

An adventure, right?

For, to live would be an excellent adventure. Or, so says the childish imp who plays with shadows. Of course he is also the same one who said, “To die would be an excellent adventure.” [Always both sides of the coin.]

WALT: *sings* Ha’penny, one penny, tupenny, thrupenny

DOC: *sings* Tvelve to a shilling, tvice zat to a florin

WALT: *sings.* And, would you not find the currency foreign

BOTH: *sing* To find the same face on both sides of the coin. 

Are you finished?

*Pause.*

DOC: *sings* Bob ees your uncle from pennies to guineas

WALT: *sings* The two-sided mint is the rule not exception

DOC: *sings* Unt, vould you not feel qvite ze fool of deception

BOTH: *allegro* To find the same face on both sides of the coin!!

*arms folded, head in the palm of his hand, shaking.* My lord I worry about the two of you.

WALT: And, so you should.

DOC: Ja, it’s true!

JOHNNY: GEN-TLE-MEN...puhleeeeeasssse!!! *The other three freeze, heads turning slowly to JOHNNY, looking as scolded children.* I think this project has seen more than it’s share of chaos in the last few months, and…

WALT: Yeah, well see, we were kinda going for some organized chaos for a change…

JOHNNY: Walter! *WALT stares then grunts*

Let it go, dude. It’s just a name.

DOC: Unt, vhat ees in a name?

Would a rose by any other name smell just as sweet as you, you big, cuddly galoot. *pinches WALT’s cheeks*

WALT: *groans.* I really hate you guys.

And, so you should. 

DOC: Ja, it’s true!

JOHNNY: *clears throat.* Reverend. 

Riiiight.

So, yeah. It has definitely been a time. I don’t even know where to begin the gauge of it all. 

It is currently late at night...or, early in the morning - depending on which way you prefer to come at it. It is just about the time of day, I believe, that the day changes. This was a realization I had come to while working overnights in.a diner. Soon it will be the hour in which I would see a blend of people. I would have those who would be finishing out their night, coming from some club or bar. I even had a few who would be coming from work. But it was also in this next hour that I would see those who were just beginning their day, stopping to grab a bite on their way to this job or that place. 

It is also just about The witching Hour. [The darkest hour of the night.]

And, why would I be awake at such an hour you might wonder. 

I am making an attempt to adjust my schedule for a job I am to begin tonight. The whole thing has me in knots really, and I’m not exactly sure why. My brain is trying to wrap itself around the whole thing. Meanwhile, my Spirit is writhing in protest. This is an entirely different path I am about to set myself on and I just don’t know how I feel about it all. 

Everyone around me acts, and speaks, as if this is possibly the greatest thing to happen to me in my life. It will make such a difference. If I look strictly at the money aspect of things, I could almost agree with them. 

It will definitely be more money than I have made previously  - in an hour, in a week. And, with the current schedule, in just two weeks I could make enough to at the very leas set myself straight again and have a base from which to work. Admittedly that brings me a certain sense of relief and satisfaction. But, there is still so much more about the whole thing that make me uncomfortable. 

First, and foremost, I do not really care for the shift. It is overnights, 10 ½ hours per night [total], and 5 nights a week for a few weeks. I am locked into this shift for 90 days. I haven’t worked 40 hours [regularly] in a year or so...and I haven’t done 50 hours in over a quarter of a century. I don’t so much mind the amount of hours. It is when and how they fall that bother me. 

I am also not very interested in the line of work, the industry itself. It’s warehouse work. This is also new to me. Still, it is not the kind of environment to foster my Spirit. It’s fairly solo, individual, work. I like dealing with people. It is fairly rote and routine. I like the challenges that variety can provide. [I’m having thoughts, but I don’t want to give them away to early in the writing.] It is these differences that have me attempting to view this as an adventure. 

But, currently, I have a bigger problem before me. 

It will be three weeks until my first paycheck. I currently have $3 [and some change] to my name - with about $16.50 [hopefully] coming within a few days. That is all I definitely have coming in though. I have about ¾ of a tank of gas in The MattMobile. About enough for 4-5 days of driving, if I’m lucky. I do have a stash of food and can probably manipulate something for at least a few days. 

My concern is - what do I do when all of that is gone? That is enough for maybe a week and I have to survive three weeks. Not only do I have to survive, but over the course of the next 12 days I need bout $139 to settle bills, including my car insurance. [Which I will lose if not paid.]

How exactly am I supposed to pull this off? There are some options before me to generate some income before that three weeks, but this work schedule will seriously infringe on my time and ability to pursue them fully. It is these challenges that have me seeing it as a Quest. 

Like any Quest, I think there is something to understand in how we got here. I want to tell that story, in its entirey. 

Life was in a frenzy as the season started coming to a close. [Not just the retail season, but the autumn season - the harvest.] Things were crazy at The Seasonal Store and I was on the hunt for my next gig. Racing against the ticking clock and, all the while, trying to understand just how I was going to survive the winter months. 

As for the job hunt, I was at a loss. I really didn’t know what to do next. Obviously, I need an income that would eventually help better my life, but I wanted a job that I knew I could get into wholly. Unfortunately, for me, those two things have never been one in the same. 

So, I did what I do when I am lost or confused. I Let Go and Let G-d. From there, all I could do was my best to follow every lead to its own natural conclusion. There was definitely some frustration right from the outset. Still, I faced each as it came - adjusting with each shift and challenge. I submitted applications to a variety of jobs/industries. Nothing was really feeling right though. So, again, I would turn to Spirit. 

One afternoon I was sitting at the park just kind of venting frustrations and worries at where I should go and what I should do. Shortly afterwards I would look up towards the road as this tractor trailer would pass by. There it was with its bright orange cab. You can’t miss them. They are the fleet for a local manufacturing company, and a company with which I had an interview scheduled. Fact of the matter is that three of those trucks would pass by before I left the park that day.

That interview would turn out to be quite the challenge. First, it was difficult just getting it. I had run into a snag during the electronic application process. With some help, I would eventually by-pass it. But, still, there were some issues with the application. I ended up working on it on my phone and for some reason the PDF app was not cooperating. The font was way too big for the space I was given to type and there were many sections that had half phrases or partial words. I thought for certain that I would never hear from them. After all, I applied with them several times in the past [a decade ago now] and only ever got one interview. Of course, all of this was OK with me. It wasn’t exactly an environment in which I could ever really see myself. 

Yet, it was coming up frequently. I would pass billboards or buses at the most random times. There were some radio ads. And, of course, these three trucks. I decided then that, if that was where I was being sent, then I would suck it up and give it my best. I tried to visualize myself doing that work right up to, and including, sitting in the HR waiting room, watching a promotional video, and thinking, “OK. Maybe this won’t be horrible.” 

Besides, this was the only company that called me. I had even submitted my name to The Parent Company of The Seasonal Store and reached out to the Regional HR Manager. So, now here I was, waiting to be interviewed at this company that had never wanted me before. One that had never even appealed to me. One for which so many of my family members have, or had, worked a lifetime. 

I arrived early that morning. About ten minutes. The waiting room was empty. I signed in and had a seat. I didn’t wait long before they called me back. It couldn’t have been that ten minutes. However, I wasn’t called back to do the interview. Instead, I had to take a 40 question math assessment test. OK. Whatever. I mean, it wasn’t like the hardest test or anything. I once took the math assessment for the electrician’s union. Now, that Mo-Fo was hard. I eventually reverted to my high school days and just made patterns on the test sheet. [I passed, by the way.]

So, I took the test and then, as instructed I returned to sit in the waiting room. And, there I waited. And waited. And, yes, even waited some more. One hour after my arrival, 50 minutes past my scheduled interview, the gentleman would come to the door and call my name. I do hope, Fellow Travellers, that you realize how difficult it was for me to not stand up and walk out when it had reached 30 minutes ast my appointment. But, I promised to be on my best behaviour and to give this a valiant effort. 

I stood and crossed to the door. There he stood, my folder in his hand, crossed in front of his body. He stood inside the doorway, holding the door open by pressing his other arm up against it, which pushed him backwards just a bit. Now, he was only blocking half the doorway. He gestured down the hall with the folder of my information - my dossier, as it were. I walked down the hallway, turning into the doorway of the office when he told me. He came in, shut the door, and we sat.

I hope, again, Fellow Travellers, that you have realized that, at this point, I am twitching quite a bit on the inside. At no point in this process did the gentleman introduce himself, extend a hand, nor even offer an apology for the wait. Agree with me or not, but I feel I am interviewing the company as much as I am being interviewed. It’s true I need a job, but, truthfully, if I am willing to accept an income that I couldn’t possibly survive on, I could find at least two. 

So, now I have waited almost a full hour for my interview. No one ever once acknowledged this wait. And, then this guy shows up and doesn’t offer me a single gesture of respect nor consideration. Any one of those three things could have been acceptable, though all three would have been preferred. Still, we continued on. 

It was the typical interview at first. He opened his little super secret CIA folder on me and looked over the papers. 

“First, I want to tell you that you scored 100% on the math assessment. We only look for a 50%”

“Really,” I thought, “Not setting the bar real high are ya?”

Then he looked over my application and resume, addressing each, one section at a time. We talked about my work history. I can’t remember anymore which work I had put on that resume. But, when we were finished, he chuckled a bit and said, “You should start your own business.”

I smiled, “It’s not as easy as it sounds.”

“It could be.”

Again, quietly, I thought, “Yeah? You got some secret formula that I haven’t tried over the past 20 years...you snarky sonuvabitch?” 

I just smiled on the outside.

Now we get to the part of the process when he explains certain parts of the job and clarifies my comfort level with them. For instance, “Do you have a problem working with lead or acid?”

“I don’t know.”

He just kind of looked at me a moment.

“I’ve never worked with either of them. So, I don’t actually know if I have a problem with it,” I shrugged. Now, I realize that may sound like an assy kind of answer, but I have this honesty problem. If you ask me a question, I am inclined to answer with the shortest, simplest, and most honest answer that I can give. I don’t like to mince my words, or make things overly complicated. And, I really don’t care for lying. I used to tell the Princesses that, when answering questions,  they should learn to tell the truth without saying everything. It allows one to protect what must be protected [which is sometimes necessary] and still not lie. Did I mention that I really don’t like lies?

“What about with PPE?”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Personal Protective Equipment.”

“Yeah that’s fine.”

Moving ahead…

“Are you ok working overtime?”

I know the company runs mandatory overtime, so, of course, my answer was, “Sure.”

“Are you OK with working it up to six months at a time?”

With a quizzical grimace, “Six months?”

“Yes. Is that a problem.”

“Well...that’s an awfully long time.”

“Are you going to have another job,” he sneered.

“I don’t know,” I thought, “How much are you paying me?” I also thought that maybe it wasn’t about a job, but about the fact that I do have a life and a family. I am only able to see my daughters on weekends, and I’m not sure I’m ok with giving up a half a year of weekends. Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mind working overtime if it’s available. Sometimes it’s nice to do just for a change of pace. But, I do not believe that I should be forced to work it at the cost of other parts of my life.

Finally, we hit the finish line. “We’ll look things over and you’ll either get a phone call or a letter from us. Do you have any questions?”

I looked at him and leaned back in my chair a bit. Once more keeping it to myself, I thought, “Yeah. I have a question. If I had been almost an hour late to my interview and never reached out to you or took the time to communicate with you, what would you have done?”

…..

“No. I’m good,” I said. I smiled, stood and shook his hand. 

I finally received a letter some weeks later. I didn’t get the job. Suddenly, I wished I had asked that damn question. I also wanted to know from G-d just what the point to that little exercise was. I mean, why waste my time? Why be so determined to send me there.

“I just wanted to see if you’d do it.”

Time moved on and was starting to run short. I scheduled an appointment for a ‘Hiring Event’ with a local Warehouse Distributor. I wasn’t keen on the idea. I have never really heard good reports about their employee relations. But, I did need to do something and this was an easy hire. This is another process which I have been through several times over the years. Yet, for various reasons I was always unable to complete it. For a few years in a row, my two and a half months served at Lehigh County Prison would keep me from completing the interview. 

All went well for a change. I was hired and was set to start a Wednesday to Saturday day shift, on what I believed was the day after The Seasonal Store came to a close. In the meantime, I realized that The Seasonal Store had one more week of work, for which I was technically scheduled. I wondered if I could set my start date back a week. 

Then I was having difficulty doing the new hire paperwork For some reason, I wasn’t able to access it from my phone. We were instructed to do it before we arrived for our first shift of orientation. I could have gone to a library or even just gotten near wi-fi to use a hand-me-down laptop I aquired along the way. But, that would take time and I had a schedule set at The Store already. 

Then, I recieved an email from The Distributor. At the bottom, it read, “If you need to change your start date, click here.” So, I did. It connected me with something like a customer service line, but for employees. The woman on the other end was very pleasant. I explained the whole of my situation - another week of work with an employer with which I was trying to maintain good relations, as well as the paperwork debacle. She took me through the process and we moved my start date back one week exactly. That is precisely what I wanted. She also told me not to worry about the paperwork. She said it could be done at the orientation. “This is all so perfect,” I thought. 

A few days later I was sitting at The Putter’s when I received a text message from The Distributor stating that I did not have a confirmed start date and that I should contact them. I tried right away but The Putter’s [being on the same lines as Old Geistopia] can sometimes have reception issues. So, I had trouble getting through this time. I shrugged and figured I would deal with it later because I had to make my way to The Seasonal Store for my shift. 

On that shift I would receive a voicemail from someone claiming to be from The Distributor with a potential start date for me. I had just missed the call but was taking a ten minute break, so I decided to call him right back. I got his voicemail and left a message. I returned to work. He would call me back but I was on the sales floor and missed the call. This time, he didn’t leave a message. 

The next day I would try the Help Line again. This time they only had a night shift available - starting in two days. I didn’t necessarily have a problem with this. It was going to cut into the very week for which I had pushed my start date back, but I could do it. My problem was more that I didn’t like just dropping that bomb on The Seasonal Store without at least discussing it with them first. I declined at that moment, with the understanding that I could call back on Monday to see what else was available. 

That night I would try the gentleman once more, as I sat waiting for Sunshine after Trick-or-Treat. Again, I got the man’s voicemail and left a message. By the time Monday had arrived, I still had not heard from him. I had worked all day Monday and it was a much longer and more challenging day than was anticipated, so there was no dealing with this that day. 

By Wednesday morning, I had tried him one more time and still had not heard from him. I had also tried the Help Line one more time. This time around all they had available was a night shift. At that point, I still didn’t know what I was going to do for ‘lodging’ during the winter months. It looked like my only viable option was The Rescue Mission and they are closed during the day. So, a night shift was going to do me no good. It is only because, since then, Hoagie offered to house me for the winter months that I could even consider the option now. 

So, Wednesday, I was having a slight breakdown and by Thursday it was full on. My District Manager asked if there was anythng that she could do. I convinced her to put me in touch with a District Manager from The Parent Company. It was really where I wanted to be anyway. I had set my sights on building a career with The Seasonal Store and the best way to do that was through The Parent Company. 

The next day I would start that process. While I waited for hat to start to gel I would reach out one last time to the gentleman. Again, I received his voicemail. This time, I not only left a message but also explained that I didn’t understand why all of these times he has called me back he didn’t leave a message with a date that I could confirm.

I hung up and set about my business. That day it had me looking at a map app to try to gauge the potential stores to which The Parent Company could send me. There were to possibilities on the table. Both were a distance. It was just a question of which was the greater distance and which had the greater potential. As I sat there, finger-scrolling across the map, something would happen. 

My phone would ring. Not only would it ring, but all in one swipe of the finger I managed to answer the call and hang up at the same time. It all happened so gassy that it took me a moment to process what had just happened. I had caught just a quick glimpse of the phone number. As my brain processed it, I recognized it. It was the gentleman. “Oh well,” I thought,” nothing I can do now. He can leave a message.” He didn’t.

I decided at that point that I was going to leave The Distributor behind. This had become way too challenging of a process. Besides, I had The Parent Company on the hook and I was certain I would get that job. I did. I even drove down to the store to seal the deal. 

One problem, after i made the drive I realized just how much gas I would be driving up trying to work this job. The truth is, I had calculated it out to be almost one third of my total income - one half after taxes and deductions. This wouldn’t leave me a whole lot on which to survive. There’s always potential for some extra income but it’s not always as easy to manipulate it into being. But, I was going to proceed. I didn’t see what other choice there could be. 

As I thought more on the whole matter, I thought about The Disrtibutor. I had tried the Help Line one more time, despite my frustrations. That time they didn’t have shift currently available. I thought I could call the Help Line again, just to see what they might have to offer this time around. The only thing was, I had disposed of that email already and found I had no way to contact them. I tried to shrug it off and move on. Still I was nervous about this drive. I was thinking about the gas it would cost and the wear and tear on The MattMobile, which is already having its issues. I was thinking practically. I wasn’t sure if I could do this. 

I left the apartment for my day of running and prayed for a sign, some sort of clear direction. Shortly after my prayer I would open my email to find one from The Distributor, offering me a shift. There would be a couple other signs [literally] along my travels. There was even a big moment with a hawk. It was all grand in gesture on Spirit’s end. First, in my mind’s eye I would see the hawk. It flew in front of the car and the words I heard were, “When you see the hawk, you’ll know.” 

It wasn’t long after that I would see the hawk. He wasn’t flying though. Instead, he was perched to the left side of the road. [I’ve always been good about sensing them within a few miles.] I chuckled and smirked as I saw it. Sure enough, there it was. 

I tried with all my being to convince myself that I was to go to The Parent Company. But, as a discussion with The warden would reveal later, if I was being honest, every sign was pointing to The Distributor that day. I made the call and could start this night shift the following Sunday - just several days after i was supposed to start at The Parent Company. But, I so wanted to be at The Parent Company, and even though I thought it was what I was being guided towards a part of me felt like I was turning my back on Faith. After all, as was pointed out to me, it had gotten me so far already, and The Parent Company was an opportunity that made itself easy for me. I was so very conflicted. That’s when I put the question out to you, Fellow Travellers. 

The first response I received was to stick with The Parent Company. After all, “faith and determination” had carried me this far. The other responses I received were all in favor of The Distributor. One of four was behind The Parent Company. But, it was the first one and that is important, for the angel always comes before the devil - the light before the dark. Still, I ignored that Observation. After all, I was trying to be practical, responsible...adult-like. I need to pull my life together, right?

This was what I told myself over and over again as I made those two phone calls. The two phone calls I didn’t want to make, declining The Parent Company - the very day I was supposed to start. I need to be responsible. I need to be practical and realistic for once in my life. I have mounting debt and bills I struggle to pay, not to mention the fact that in a few months [at most] I will need to do something about living accommodations.

Now, to be honest, my main concerns at that time were a phone bill coming due [and I need my phone service], as well as a pending court date for back child support. It turns out that they were not taking it out of my paychecks from The Seasonal Store and I did not catch it until the damage was done and I had received my first letter to appear at their offices.

My first paycheck for The Distributor [as well as The Parent Company] would have been the Friday at the end of the week all of these things were due. The phone bill would come due on Monday and the court date was set for Tuesday, unless I could pay $238 by noon that day. I figured I could go without my phone for several days if I had to do so and I hoped that maybe the court would accept that my first pay was different than when I had anticipated and I wouldn’t have the money until then. 

So, I declined The Parent Company and set about my life, doing my best to enjoy the holiday-day process of The Day Before, Day Of, and Day After that Thanksgiving would bring. 

It was situation normal for Wednesday and Thursday. Friday morning I would receive a call from The Distributor. The facility had realized that the coming Monday was Cyber Monday and they didn’t want to have new people starting. So, my start date was pushed back a week. [Tonight.] This put me in a quite a jam. Not only was I not going to be able to cover things the way I thought I would - such as the phone, or the court, or subscription payments I deferred until after that pay, but I was going to have to survive an entire month on whatever funds I had or could generate before I started. 

Now, in regards to that I did manage to score a gig for some pay and I received a gift. It is a gift that I must eventually repay, but a gift (a blessing) nonetheless. Between those two things I was able to pay the phone and the court. I was also able to get some groceries and put gas in the car. But, most importantly, it afforded me the opportunity to see The Princesses for lunch, and that was most needed. 

Yet, I was still in need of funds for mere survival. Plus, I was still wrestling with how I really feel about The Distributor. Over the weeks the question has been, “what do I do now?” I mean, just how do I pull my life together and at the same tie enjoy it, especially my work. One answer was to return to fast food management, and I’ve noticed several places are hiring. I do enjoy the work and the money can be decent enough. I just haven’t bothered with applications at this point because...well...I have The Distributor. And. Of course, there was that other thing with The Parent Company. 

 After my gig on Tuesday, I would be led on a random Quest. Or, was it? At first, everything seemed a bust. There was a store I wanted to visit. They were closed that day. I decided to pick up a few quick gigs at a nearby grocery store. That store was no longer at that location. All I could do was submit the information and hope I would get paid something for the gigs. Finally, I decided on something a little more personal and I would drive to the nearby mall for a little crawl. 

It was as a ‘Crawl’ is. I made way step by step around the entire mall, popping into random stores as I saw fit. There was a little magic to be had along the way, but nothing I found to bizarre or alarming. On this ‘Crawl’ I was able to stop in at one of The Parent Company stores and visit a manager whom I got to know through The Seasonal Store. 

That wasn’t my stop either. After all of my other ‘failures’ on this journey I hoped maybe a visit to the store might settle my feelings a bit. This was not to be the case. Still, I continued along my merry way, completing the ‘Crawl’ in its entirety. 

I went in to one last store before I was going to leave. I can’t even recall which store or what had caught my attention because it was what caught my attention on the way out that dominates my thoughts. 

I came out of the store, into the mall, and in the center - a kiosk space - i saw a food case with a menu posted above it. I took a cursory glance and though that’s quite a menu. So, I looked at the space a little bit more. A small stand, just an aisle wide of space for employees, with several seats at a counter. I became more curious. What was this place? And, how were they making all that food at a kiosk stand. 

As I poked my nose around the corner I noticed it was actually a coffee stand. I also noticed that they had a small ventless grill. I became more and more fascinated. I began chatting with the woman behind the counter. She showed me paperwork on the grill. All the while, my eyes were flicking about here and there taking it all in - the set-up, the equipment, the environment. I decided to buy a coffee. After all, I was going to need one for the drive home. Plus, I had bothered her with all of my questions. 

As she fixed my coffee I commented that I’ve always been interested in running a coffee shop - referring to The Rabbit Hole, of course. The woman’s face lit up. “It just so happens this stand is for sale.”

Before I could process what was going on I was being swept off to meet the owner and her boyfriend. I was engaged in a dialogue. I left with a menu to look over, and a business card, and her phone number.

My head was spinning throughout the entire 40 minute drive back. What had just happened? Is that what I was taken there for? It was a Quest after all. And, that was my last stop, my last moment...my last experience. Quite frankly, I couldn’t think of a more potent moment, especially at this particular moment of my life. I realize, of course, that I am not in any financial situation to purchase a business, nor get a loan to do so. But I was led on that journey for a reason. Besides, as The Putter would point out later, maybe they would finance it for me. [Or, someone would.] It certainly would be a good fit. It would satisfy so many levels of my soul and be work I was passionate about. It wouldn’t be The Rabbit Hole, but it would be the closest I have ever come to that dream…that Goal.

So, that is how we get here. This is the path that has led me to right here, right now, this moment….these thoughts. There have been many other things happening along the way as well that just didn’t fit the groove of the story. For instance, Hoagie and I have developed a workshop in an unused portion of the apartment and there are crafts underway. 

Or even other, more unrelated things. Such as the remembering that, as much as I try to integrate myself into a ‘normal’ existence, there is another layer to my life that makes ‘normal’ seem like an urban legend. And, there are currently things happening in the world that make me wonder if my focus isn’t too split. I would hate for these other things to catch me unexpectedly. That is never good. [And, can be fairly dangerous.]

So where does all this leave us?

I do not know. 

I called the business owner yesterday morning. She answered but was busy and said she would call me right back. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting her to answer and that I would be leaving a message. Two hours later she hadn’t called back. I called and this time left a message saying that I would love to sit and talk some more. As of the writing, I haven’t heard back from her. 

It turns out that I did get paid for those three gigs, and I got paid the full amount for each. However, that money has been received and spent today for gas and groceries. This inspired me to start looking at my apps more frequently. This is how I made the $16.50 today. 

When I receive that payment I will have about $20. To get through this week properly, I should have another $30, at least, for gas and groceries, plus another $25 for debt. This is a minimum. But where/how do I make that money?

Next week is even worse. To get through the week properly I should have at least $100 towards gas and groceries plus I need about another hundred to pay car insurance and debt. Plus, if I want to make my soul happy, I could use another $24 to pay the subscriptions for me and the girls. 

That’s at least $300 minimum to get through the next two weeks and I still have a whole other week after that to survive before I receive a pay. How do I do this?

There are some gigs available this week. In fact, there are two gigs that can make me $180 in 8 hours. [4 hours each gig.] ONe is on Saturday and shouldn’t be a problem since I am off from The Distributor.

However, that pay wouldn’t come until at least the 20th. As long as it comes on that day I can pay my insurance and be relaxed about that for a few weeks at least. The other gig is on Thursday and would be a little more challenging. It fits my available time frame, but can I be awake and work that long in a day? I would have 5 ½ hours after work before the gig starts and only two hours between the gig and my shift.  In other words, not a lot of time to sleep. That would pay on the 20th also and maybe isn’t worth the effort, except for providing [some] money for the last week.

I have a couple of resale items to post. I won’t really wks more than $3 on those though because I am selling them for Hoagie and won’t take more than 10%. However, I have several hand-crafted items that were given to me to sell. Those would bring in quite a bit more, if they sell. 

I have crafted items of my own to make. When we moved stuff from The Cave to The Dormitory to build the workshop we brought along all sorts of materials - including started, but unfinished projects. Again, these will take some time to finish and get posted for sale. Unfortunately, they are all Christmas themed items and the window of opportunity for those sales is closing quickly. If I can finish them [and they sell] I can make some OK cash to get me through. But, will I finish them with the schedule I am going to be keeping? Difficult and challenging. Not entirely impossible. But is it a realistic goal that I can meet?

Of course, I still have Tarot Readings, but those don’t generally come to me randomly. Sometimes, but not often. Usually I have to push for them and I’m just not feeling the push right now. 

There are always gigs and shifts as I can find them, but they are daytime when I should be sleeping. Come to think of it, so is the crafting because that is when I can make noise like that.

And in the end, there is a bit of a scrap metal to be had. I am waiting on a load of wire from an electrician friend, which I will then have to strip and take down with whatever else I can manage, such as the small collection of aluminum cans I have begun to collect. 

There are so many ‘ifs.’ ‘If’ I can get certain things done…’If’ that sells…’If this happens.’ And, with the pending job, all I can do is throw my hands in the air and hope it all works out and I make it through the next three weeks. 

Or, I could forget the job. I could focus on the crafts and get them done and posted. I could work the gigs whenever they are available, including the ones on Thursday and Saturday. And, I could use any spare time to apply for jobs that might suit me a little better - such as fast food management. I should have no problem making the money I need to get by, at least for a bit. It would leave me no worse off..at least not until that first pay. 

Then there is the thought that ultimately this job is only temporary anyway. I’m only using it to make that money. Beyond that I have no use for it and will look for something else anyway. So, is it even worth it to start?

At this point, right this moment, I am still planning on starting. That was the whole purpose of staying up like this. [An now I should at least try to sleep.] I don’t know how it is all going to go from here. 

Maybe I’ll change my mind and not do it. Start fresh on Monday morning. 

Maybe I’ll follow through with it and run out of gas before the end of the week and not be able to continue. 

Maybe I’ll follow through and somehow things will all come together and work out and I will make it through those three weeks. The funny part to that is I would probably leave after that three weeks anyway.

I would make enough money in those weeks to pay my remaining bills for December, all of my bills for January and still have plenty to live off of while I find a more suitable job. 

I honestly cannot tell you what happens after I wake up. 

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So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaand Johnny…

And, those guys, saying, “stay tuned in Fellow Travellers,” and wishing you Peace, Love…

WALT: And Freakishness, baby.