S2:EP3: The Twenty-Nineteen Chronicles: A Quest By Any Other Name

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential, and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

PDT

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Hoagie

Superstar

The Wix-ians

Piz-Niffer

Jersey

Dancing Queen

The Anomaly

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, February 10, 2019. Time...Missing.

Theme of the Week – It Is What It Is

Lesson of the Week – …Trust in The Lord, your G-d

Observation of the Week – It’s Just a Quest

This could be a long one this week.

WALT: Great.

Don’t you start.

WALT: Well, you already ramble on incessantly. I mean, how much worse can it be, right?

Sh.

I have been trying to write for several weeks now. I could feel that it was imperative to ‘mark time’ as it were. So much has been happening and suddenly it is even so much more.

A few weeks ago I was convinced it was going to be a good year. I had a lot on my plate. There was The Theatre and The Middle School and The Production. There was talk of future [paying] projects. I was struggling financially. Not that that is necessarily new but it was supposed to be temporary. It wouldn’t be long until things were back in full swing at The Theatre and life would be on track again. I was feeling good. I was feeling excited. For the first time in decades life was starting to gel a bit. It felt like a life I could enjoy.

So much has changed since then.

I’m not sure where it all started, where it all began to unravel. All along the way there were things of which to be cautious – such as The Place That I Loathe So and its Demon. Of course, there is always the Daemon as well. [And, maybe what I am going through currently is just another of his machinations.]

January was a struggle financially. Work was scattered because The Theatre was on a sort of hiatus. It was difficult to get in there because I could only go when there was someone else there. Most days that was noon and I had to leave by two to go to The Middle School. The month was a little more of a struggle financially because of The Occurrence in December. I realize, my dear readers, that you may or may not be aware of what The Occurrence actually was. I had planned a video explaining it all and telling the story from my experience. Unfortunately, and as usual, time was not generous with me in getting that done. And, now, circumstances certainly won’t allow for it. So, I will give you a quick and abridged version.

In December, I reached a great state of depression. It had been building for some time and I was not surprised at where it had led me. Things had come to a head with That Which Shall Not Be Written. I had caused so much damage, not just in that, but with several friendships along the way. All of it was because I was just being me and I tend to fuck things up – just by being me. This was all no exception.

I had a complete break at work. I left work and went to a nearby park. Along the way, I had left a Facebook post telling what was going to come next without saying it. I sat at the park and slowly slipped a noose around my neck. I pulled it just tight enough to be very aware that it was there. I had it rigged so all I had to do was pull it just a little tighter, tie it off, and wait. I paused though. I paused and I just sat there reveling in the stillness and silence around me. I sat there like that, with the noose just tight enough around my neck, for an hour. I don’t know why I hesitated or paused. But I did. At the end of that hour I looked at my phone which had blown up with phone calls, texts, and Facebook messages. My corner of the world was in a frenzy trying to find me. Someone had even called the State Police.

I sighed and returned home, waiting for the cops to return and knowing that they would take me away when they did. That is precisely what happened. I would spend the next three and a half days in the hospital. [It would have been longer if they had had their way.]

Now, do not fret, nor sadden, dear readers. I assure you there was much more to that moment than what meets the eye. There is much more to the story to be told. That moment was no mere happenstance. G-d had it planned for months. This I would learn three days later, just before I left the hospital. It was truly Divine and my perception and understanding of just how G-d works in our lives was changed forever. [It is what makes my present situation ‘slightly’ more tolerable.]

Nonetheless, I lost about three days of work that week and the following week two shows were cancelled due to poor sales. All in all, I lost a little over $300 in take home pay. This put quite a pinch on things financially. I wasn’t even able to get the Princesses anything for Christmas. [Yet, another disappointment to them.]

So, now you are up-to-date. Like I said, there is still a lot more to that story and maybe one day I can tell it. Now, let’s return to the present day.

Three weeks ago, things seemed fairly on track. Work was slowly returning to normal. I now had a key to the building so I could come and go as needed. There was so much activity with everything I had my fingers in. I was truly happy. How could I not be? I was busy all day every day, but I was busy with something I love so deeply. I was in a theatre doing something all day every day. Then it started.

I was at work, just having a conversation, and my front tooth broke completely off. I was so disgusted and depressed. I already have had issues with my teeth and it has been hard for me to get past them and function somewhat normally. I have avoided the stage for so long because of it. But, in September I broke through that barrier a bit when I did the Train Robbery Show and even more when I went out on the limb and auditioned for The Production. But, now, I had a whole tooth missing right in the front of my mouth. I wanted to just crawl in a hole and leave the world behind. If I could have quit The Production I would have. I hate talking to people right now.

By the next morning I had altered my perception a bit. I had thought about life and G-d and drew new conclusions about my situation. I had tried twice before to get my teeth fixed. Both times it did not go well. After the second I was left feeling very down, but I learned to accept it and moved on. I thought, now, maybe this was G-d’s way of telling me it was time to get the job done and this was his way of forcing my hand into doing so. Let’s face it, I had already resolved that this was my fate so I would have never given another thought to pursuing a solution.

I made an appointment at a nearby dentist. FaeriePrincess had just gotten work done there and she was very happy with the service. They offered financing. I thought, “how could it be wrong?” G-d will lead the way on this one. I went to the office with the expectation of having to get my remaining teeth pulled and having dentures. Obviously, not my preferred choice, but again, I could accept this fate.

The dentist had other ideas. She wanted to save the teeth that she could. She laid out this whole plan and all-in-all it was going to cost $10,000-$17,000. Needless to say, I was unable to get that kind of financing. Depression set in once more. I spent the week trying not to talk more than needed and rehearsals were an absolute nightmare for me. I found myself wishing it was all over so that I could just crawl back into my hole and be left alone.

I thought on and on about how once again I had trust and faith that what was happening was G-d’s hand and it would all work out in the end, and once again I was left very disappointed…dejected…depressed. I thought about all the times over the years that I claimed faith time and time again, how I insisted G-d would provide and help, and how all those times I was left very alone. Then, I thought back on The Occurrence. I promise you, nothing happens in our lives that is not part of the Divine plan. [Though, it doesn’t always have anything to do with us personally or directly.]

I started trying to find other ways around this whole issue. None of which I have actually been able to pursue as of yet. There was the option of trying to find a different dentist, perhaps a clinic. This would still cost money but not as much. There is the option of contacting this dentist and asking if we could just focus on fixing the front teeth ASAP or just going with my original plan which was to replace them with dentures. I have not had a moment to get on any of that yet.

Oddly, it hasn’t seemed to affect things to terribly. People haven’t shunned me like the disgusting monster I am feeling like. In fact, people seem to be talking to me more these days, which is actually kind of torture for me. It’s not in my nature to be rude and not talk to people but at the same time I really don’t want to open my mouth.

I received my first decent paycheck of the year from The Theatre just a week ago. It wasn’t a full pay because we are not quite in full swing yet. But, it was decent and I took a sigh of relief thinking it was only two weeks until the next one and that I would be able to make it.

I was wrong.

A series of unfortunate events would find me completely broke by Wednesday. I had already borrowed money from Big ‘D’ just to get this far and now I was looking at needing more just to get gas in the car. [Amusingly, there is a hole in the muffler and I seem to be using up gas much quicker these days.]

The Middle School show has not been going well. There is a lot of work to do and time is starting to run short. We lost a week of rehearsals with a snowstorm and it has been difficult to get the kids to come to rehearsal when they are needed. Communication has been challenging with the students and the school. I have been struggling with how to proceed.

On one hand, things have been falling into place little by little. I have the basic frame of my set design and am able to block and choreograph [when the cast shows up.] There are set pieces and walls and props and all sorts of things that I have been uncovering slowly, bit by bit. In a way, you could say it is all coming together in its time.

But then there is the cast issue. All of this ‘stuff’ means nothing if I cannot get the whole of the cast to commit. Then there is no show.

My most recent revision includes the possibility of doing only Scene/Song selections, so that the students who have been putting the work in can still perform. This will find resolution this week. [I hope.]

The Production has been going well. Though, it has been a source of discomfort in its own ways. I have been receiving a lot of compliments lately. I know – it doesn’t seem like much of a problem, does it? Yet, I have never handled compliments well. I am just a guy dopin’ along and doing his thing. If it happens to turn out good or benefit someone – then YAY. But, there is nothing to compliment. For me, this is especially true on the stage. I just get up there and do my thing and dope along and have fun. I immerse myself in what I am doing and I hope that it works. I love when it does, but it is nothing to compliment. Every show I have ever done I have watched people grow immensely over the course of the process – both on stage and as people. They work at it. They strive for it. They are the ones who deserve the compliments.

I briefly mentioned The Demon and The Place That I Loathe So. I am still torn on the whole experience. G-d made it very clear that I must return there. He all but picked me up and placed me there. I was nervous at first – apprehensive. I mean, if I were to encounter The Demon again…why, the ramifications could be devastating. I wasn’t strong enough before. I couldn’t counter its power. A group of us couldn’t counter its power. The most brilliant mage and sorcerer I know went there and returned with the words, “I will never go there again. I’m sorry, brother, but you are on your own.”

And, so I am. Back in the thick of it…and still no clue.

To the best of determinations at the time it is an Incubus with which I am dealing. It does have all the signs and symptoms. But, what caused it? What brought it into being? Why was it so fascinated by that particular group of people? And, what is it about me, that finds me possibly facing it once more?

I am torn between two schools of thought on the matter. The first is that demons are nothing more than words – representations of aspects of life. I can accept that, especially in this case. A sexual predator demon in a place where sexuality has been so out of balance for as long as I have been coming around. But…what does that have to do with me? What do I have to learn from it?

The other school of thought, of course, is that it is real – very, very real. If that is the case, and it is awake and free, then very dark and dangerous things could be about to happen.

When I first returned to The Place I began to poke around – ever so slightly. There are very distinct energies happening. They are active and pulsing. There is much more ghost activity in a particular building. It is one that I have never seen activity in before – not in almost three decades of going around. The other buildings? Sure. All of them. All of them…but one. I call it The Safe House. Nothing gets there. Nothing seems able to get there. It is as if it is disconnected from the rest of The Place, even though it is a central part of it.

I find it interesting. All of it. The Shaman bringing it all up just several weeks ago. The energies in the furthest corner. The ghost activity. But most particularly – the room. About a week ago I went searching for a photo. It is one we uncovered the last time around. I wanted to get my bearings. Re-acquaint myself with the grounds with which I was dealing. I did not find that particular photo, but I did find another that painted a picture of infinite possibilities. A few nights ago, I passed by the same room in which I found that photo and suddenly it is closed off, out of bounds for everyone.

Coincidence?

I suppose. If there were such a thing.

This brings us to where I am now. I am on a Quest. I did not see it coming. It was harsh and abrupt. Two days ago it turned my life upside down and left me flailing for survival.

There was yet another eruption in Geistopia. Once again, a simple and passing moment was turned into something major and catastrophic. The details are unimportant. After all, It Is Not What Happened But What We Learn From It.

I am not certain what I have learned or will learn. It has left me without a home. That was the first thing that happened. Now, keep in mind, I was not kicked out. We had not gotten that far into the eruption. But, there was enough motivation for me not to return.

At first, I was frightened and frustrated. What would become of my life, of everything I was doing? What was the purpose? Was I being punished? Have I really been that despicable of a human being that this is what I deserved?

I was so devastated. How, after all of this…now when all was going so well, did I find myself living out of my car. It has been a struggle these first few days. Yet, so many people have shown generosity and charity. Truth is, except for sleeping conditions and arrangements I am in much better shape now than I was just a few days ago.

Today it came to my attention that this is a Quest. It is no different than all of those times I was called to travel the country.

If this is a Quest, it is the most fascinating one to date, and perhaps the most potent. It is different. Not only is it happening right here at home, but I have work and things to occupy my time. It’s just a matter of taking it day by day and seeing what truly unfolds.

For instance, today I was called to a Pow-Wow with the Putter and The Professor. Even The Pillar would show up before it was over. There was joking about how there is a running bet on how soon I will return to Geistopia. The Putter said his money was on 4 weeks. The longest is 6 weeks.

I’m not saying it is entirely out of the question. It is how things could end up resolving themselves. When it comes to questing there can be no attachment. It is not really my desire to return there though there are so many reasons it would be best for more than just myself. For example, The Princesses.

Plus, I have left quite a mess behind. So much stuff that one day they will have to clean up, get rid of, etc. I think it could be a lesson for all of us. And, I could see me returning there possibly. But, there will be stipulations – theirs and mine. What happened the other day can never happen again.

Of course, it is also possible that this will launch me into something greater, someplace other than Geistopia. But, is there any place greater than Geistopia. There is just so much power there. Only time will tell I suppose.

What I do know of this journey is that I have two weeks, at least, like this. My life is stuck in its pattern until The Production is over.

And last, but certainly never the least, there is That Which Shall Not Be Written.

This situation in killing me. I’m not even being figurative. I can feel it deep in my soul. My Spirit dies just a bit each day. Ironically, the one thing that breathes life back into it is remembering the one thing I am supposed to forget.

I was blessed with the most amazing experience of my life. Again, no exaggeration or playful words. It’s a true story. I have traveled the country and been led to many great adventures. I have seen miracles happen – both large and small. I have communed with ghosts. I have watched faeries play. I have had tea with angels and battled demons. (And, Daemons.)

All of this pales in comparison to the experience of That Which Shall Not be Written.

I have been left with a feeling I cannot fairly describe. I have been brought to a place where so many others in the past had tried to get me and failed. I am [mostly] a changed man. And, I’m not even allowed to share the experience…or even where it has left me. This is not because it is bad but only because I silently agreed. I gave my promise.

I not only cannot share it, but I must forget. I must pretend it never happened. And, all the while I am doing this it is right there in front of me every day. But, I cannot engage. I cannot connect. I must withdraw, go ‘eyes down and mouth shut.’ I must cease to exist so that it can continue comfortably.

Yet, nothing has changed. It still makes me catch my breath, and my heart race. The very thought weakens me enough to almost bring me to my knees. I am still so lost in it all…and, now, tortured by it. Perhaps it is my Karma. Maybe it is all I can ever be left with after all I have ignored in the past.

It is what it is.

*sigh.*

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia [but not really] this is your beloved Rev

Walt: And Walt!

And, Walt, wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

Walt:…and Freakishness, baby!

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” Also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist.