S2;EP7 - The 2019 Chronicles: Day By Day

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

Welcome To My Life is a project, an experiment in Life and ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise is that life is experiential, and that you can, and do, experience the life you choose. It is based on The Wheel of Life and The ARTs for The New Millennium as life building tools.

Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Craze & Co.

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

Professor Siggy Chong

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop (may they R.I.P.)

PDT

‘Blue 326’

The Original KLT

The Looch

The Baker

Bert-on

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Hoagie

Superstar

The Wix-ians

Piz-Niffer

Jersey

Dancing Queen

The Anomaly

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Baby-Mama Rabbit

And, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, March 24, 2019. Time...Explained.

Theme of the Week – It All Works Out...In Is Time

Lesson of the Week – Why Worry?

Observation of the Week – Always What You Need

FeedBack:

This week, Lori Writes, “Whatever you do, please keep writing. Truly, I loved this one for so many reasons. Your self-introspections are great beginnings. (and as always, your wry sense of humor is one of my favorite things about you.)”

Well, thank you, Lori. I’m glad you are enjoying the Chaos of My Life. Lol.

She goes on to write about how hard quitting smoking is and that it is not just a chemical dependency, and she points out that when someone in a toxic situation changes, the rest must change as well. This sometimes causes the others to subconsciously sabotage the one who has changed.

You’re right. I have said this for a long time. That’s what I mean. It’s not really about me. They don’t know what it is they do. Their defenses are up. Changing paradigms is never easy. It is a frightening process. I know this. I’ve lived it.

It is a toxic environment. But that toxicity has existed since before anything with me. I have seen it tear through Geistopia on many occasions. A night when my mother was flipping out so bad over something my father did that I had to chase her up and down the driveway to try to calm her down. Fights with the neighbors. A morning, when I was young, when my grandmother [who was visiting] flipped on my great-grandmother [who lived here] for opening the blinds and letting the sun into the house. [Interestingly enough, I got in trouble at my grandmother’s for this once and I am the only person in Geistopia who will open the blinds and let the sun in.]

The problem is not mine, nor is it me. I will just forever take the brunt of it because I am the easiest target.

So anyway, let’s do this week in reverse…

It is Sunday, March 24, 2019. Time…Diffusing.

Weekends are a tough time to write. I have rehearsal and lots of work and Saturday morning I spent time with Sunshine. Sunday at noon I had an audition, and then work [kind of], and then extra work as we took down part of the set. And, Saturday night, I had a covert assignment to which I needed to attend.

It seems the days I can’t write are the days the most interesting things happen.

As I was writing, My Warbucks at The Middle School has gone AWOL from rehearsals, and, the last I heard, My Annie has run away from home. This leaves me in so many pickles, the least of which isn’t the fact that I am worried about her. But, there is nothing that can be done about either situation until Monday.

Somewhere along the way there was a dream. It was a bizarre and almost frightening dream. I’m not sure I know what all was going on, but it involved a ‘village’ of angry folks and something about a pair of twin boys. This is actually more significant [and less important] than it seems. I got a flash of one of the boys in the dream. I recognized him. It’s the boy from the stairwell. I recognized him immediately. It has seemed fairly obvious for some time that he died here at Geistopia. Twins would explain the two burial plots I once caught in a vision. It would also explain why only once did I ever see him outside of that stairwell, and he was a very different energy that night. I still don’t know what any of it means.

Still, in the dream came two messengers – The Scorpion and The Wolverine. Both were sent to kill me.

According to theastrologyweb.com Wolverine represents bravery, courage, as well as violence and ferociousness. In dreams, they are said to point to some evil occurrence in your life.

And dreamingandsleeping.com says that the Scorpion as a totem represents passion, dominance, defense, transformation, rebirth and ardency. In dreams, it represents damage.

Fascinating.

A direct message? Or, does it perhaps only pertain to the boys?

Friday and Saturday I was being bothered by some back discomfort. I can’t call it pain. It didn’t hurt exactly. I was just very aware of it. Today, my Sacral Chakra was like blown wide open. I’ve been a mess for hours. Along with this has come some stomach problems. [Digestion of ideas.] It has been quite unpleasant and I hope whatever it is will settle itself soon.

There’s something in the air I just don’t know what it is.

Tomorrow we start rehearsals for the next production at The Theatre. This is the one for which I will be covering three dates. This is also Gala week. Assuming I still have a cast for Gala, I will have 2 - 7 hour rehearsals for that this week, plus the event itself on Saturday night. And, I still need to rehearse some sort of show for The Middle School, with or without my lead actors.

In and amongst all of that, I must find time to get to The Theatre to clean and build sets.

I have brake rotors to take to scrapping and on Thursday I have a Tarot/Reiki client.

It is going to be a busy and challenging week.

Several times this past week, the topic of my family and whatever is going on has come up. Once it was with The Putter. I was commenting that it really is an ego game at this point. I am surprised that there has been no communication whatsoever between us. He said that they are waiting for me to make first contact.

“Then they will be waiting quite a while yet.”

I…I can’t contact them. I wouldn’t know what to say. I am at a loss when it comes to all of this. The cycle must end. But, how exactly?

Last week, and I forgot to write about it, I had a conversation with Good King Wentz-eslas. He was showing genuine concern for the situation. He wished it would all resolve itself and offered an ear if I ever needed to talk. And then he asked the most curious question.

“Well, you’re not violent anymore are you?”

I just kind of chuckled. It is exactly what I have been upset about and that is what I told him. I then used one of the most popular stories of my ‘violence’ to illustrate my point. It is – The Day I Hit My Father.

That is how the story is told. These are the words that are used. To hear Big ‘D’ or Boom-Dee-Aye talk about it you would think I beat the man. Here is what happened that day:

It was the summer after Baby-Mama left and just before I would spend time in the local lock-up. Craze and I were into one of our heated moments. I explained to him that I was tired of all of this and that if he was going to keep treating me this way then I was going to expose a secret. [Yes, I suppose I blackmailed him.] Nonetheless, he did not like this conversation one bit. Inevitably, he slapped me across the face. I remember reacting to it. I sort of shook my head both in realization and disbelief of the moment. Then, without thinking about it and before I knew it was happening, my hand slapped across his face. I’m pretty sure it didn’t even leave a red mark. It was more of a warning slap. Sort of like, “Dude, I really don’t think you want to do that again.”

But that was it. A slap for a slap.

This is The Day I Hit My Father.

The story itself does not seem nearly as menacing, nor violent, as the name makes it sound. But this is the way the stories are told. Any ‘violence’ has been an act of defense or self-preservation. I have never randomly lashed out at any of them.

So, what is there left to say?

Hoagie, likes the topic of my future and where it will find me living. At first, he said he saw it all resolving itself with me moving back to Geistopia. Recently, he has been other-minded, insisting that I can’t go back and must find a place of my own. [Of course, he is looking to move and wants a roommate, so I have to take this insight for what it is worth.]

Again, I don’t know what to make of it. There are three possible resolutions to my current situation. The most ideal would be that life changes drastically and I do actually find myself in a place of my own from where I can function and see my daughters. Of course, another route is that life changes drastically and I find myself back living in the MattMobile. The final course being the one that leads me back to Geistopia. I can see the possibility of, and potential in, all of them.

There are reasons to return to Geistopia. The most obvious being that it makes it easier and more convenient to see The Princesses. It would make it easier to manage my life and all aspects of it. I could return to all of the hobbies and projects that I enjoy. Of course, if I don’t go back they will be left with quite a mess to clean up.

Over the years, I managed to fill up many empty spaces – my stuff, the girls stuff, scrapping, refurbishing, re-selling, crafting, gardening….the whole lot of it. It is quite a mess.

Well, there is nothing I can do about any of it right now. There are too many things awaiting resolution and direction to make any decisions or take any actions. All I can do is wait and see myself how it all goes from here.

And last, but certainly never the least – That Which Cannot Be Written.

There is tension building in the air. Perhaps we are all anticipating what is to come. It will come. It will happen. If not sooner, then later. There’s not much more to say. It is all just a ticking time bomb. It is what we have always been told – ignoring something does not make it go away. Instead, it only makes it fester.

There is just one thing to comment on, one moment in time. I was minding my own business the other day when suddenly my head jerked to the left. I looked and there it stood, looking me in the face. There was no intention behind it. Just like me it was nothing but happenstance…coincidence. It is no different than it has been all along. There is an instinct, a knowing. It pulls and it draws. A constant reminder of the presence.

It is Saturday, March 23, 2019. Time…Doubling.

I kind of missed a day, but not really. [My how often I’ve had that thought in my life.]

Friday is a hard day to be able to write at the end of the day. This Friday in particular. The Big Boss and I held an emergency meeting of The Boys’ Club.

My day ran thusly – I finished Thursday’s writing; Joined a friend for breakfast and picked up some rotors for scrapping; went to The Theatre and took care of the prep; went to rehearsal, for which I was early; back to The Theatre for dinner service; Boys’ Club and then home.

And, then it was bed time.

The day left me feeling very stressed and I don’t know why. The Middle School is really trying my patience. Every day there is some amount of drama. My Warbucks has gone AWOL [and we are going to hunt him down on Monday.]

It is Thursday, March 21, 2019. Time…Hurting.

That’s pretty much all I got. I just don’t have words for how I am feeling tonight. I am so very sore and tired and I don’t really know why. I have felt like crap all day long. Maybe it is as simple as that it is a Day After. I don’t know.

I’ve been having this problem of late where I just can’t get myself moving the way I would like. I get done what needs to get done before the day is over, but I just can’t motivate the way I would like. I got out the door a little later than I wanted this morning, got to The Theatre and just couldn’t go in. I was tired. I ended up napping for almost an hour.

But, then I got in and got done what I needed. I finished out the day and headed to The Middle School.

This whole production is something else. Every day kids join, kids quit and it is like we are back peddling…just to stay afloat. It’s the craziest thing I have ever been involved with. And it’s not just the kids. It’s the parents as well. I’ve had parents pull kids out of the production because they were in trouble. How do you do that? “I’m going to punish you by punishing an entire cast.”

In fact, a week ago, I had two girls that got in trouble with their mother. They came to me and told me their mother was making them quit. Last night, they both showed up at my rehearsal. “Mom is still mad but she says if you need us we can do the show.” Well I certainly could use them.

Then, tonight, they didn’t show up. When I finally got a message from the older sister it was, “The little girl told my sister her part was recast. My mom didn’t think that was fair and if she didn’t have a part then I couldn’t have one either.”

WTF???

Now, it’s true, the part had been recast. After all, the girl quit the show. However, at the same time she was coming back, another orphan had quit. I just simply moved things around to give her the part back. So, someone wasn’t paying attention. But, how do you punish the other sister by removing her from the show altogether [and she had a big part. One I haven’t been able to recast yet.] Like what is wrong with parents? It’s not fair that I recast a part after the actress quit, but it is fair to take a part away from someone else because of it?

I tell you folks, we talk about the youth of today. But, the more I deal with parents I realize it is not the youth that is the problem. Through this process I began to wonder why I never thought of being a drama teacher in my life. Now, I know. I’d get fired dealing with the parents.

On the flip side of things it’s not all bad. I do have a core bunch of students who are working hard to make this show happen. They have even been helping me go through costumes. In some ways, the Middle School show is indicative of my life.

I came into it way too late, behind the eight ball as it were, and I have been playing catch up ever since. There is so much to do with any show – costumes, staging, music. I have been so far behind, stressing as the date gets closer. Still, little by little, in its own time, it seems to come together.

For instance, along with the show comes the school district fundraiser. I realized about a week ago that I need those costumes ASAP. The Gala is next weekend. I was panicking. Then we went to an all day Gala rehearsal at one of the other middle schools. The teacher there took me to the storage area and let me have at the costumes. She was going to box them up and ship them over to me. [I still haven’t received that box, but that’s ok.] As we have been going through the costumes in our own storage I have found everything I need. My Gala, and therefore 4 of my actors for my own show, is costumed.

So, just by being me – dopin’ along, showing up where I need to when I need to, and doing what feels right at the time – I have managed to get what I needed.

This is exactly how my life works.

Everyday.

I got home from rehearsal and Hoagie was here waiting. We hung out for a bit but I was not very into it. He didn’t stay long and I was off to bed shortly thereafter.

Today, the reality of what is coming set in. As I have written, I have been asked to take on a project that will put me right in the face of That Which Cannot Be Written. That all begins very soon. Tonight as I sat with Hoagie I checked through my email. There, at the very top of the list, was an email reminding me of what is to come.

I am not looking forward to this. I do not know how it is going to go. I have been struggling, trying so hard to keep it all working. The only way I know to make it work is to continue to lay down and die in the face of it. How do I do that for the next two weeks…or the three dates that follow?

It is Wednesday, March 20, 2019. Time…Shifting.

OK. Well. It has been a day. There is no doubt to that. Not quite the day I had planned, but a day nonetheless.

Before I go too far I want to mention something from last night. It was hard not to get back on and write again, but I thought it might be more impactful if I waited. After I finished writing last night, talking about how I lost money when I couldn’t afford to, I got a message from a friend. She wants a Reiki session. We have it scheduled for next Thursday, but she wanted to pay me now. So, I made up the $20 and got and extra $40.

I didn’t get the start to it that I had hoped. This is partially due to groggy sleepiness. I was very comfortable when the alarm went off. I’m pretty sure that I ‘snoozed’ for over an hour. I just did not want to move. I had convinced myself that I scheduled myself at 10 at The Theatre…it was 8.

Now, this is my own schedule, so no one is any the wiser…but still. I want to get the hours because they will let me. I am just still so chaotic with this Middle School show it’s throwing off my pace. Nonetheless, I got to work and got my work done. It wasn’t everything I wanted to get to, but it was what needed to get done. I really do want to work towards the hours they will allow me. I just think it is going to take until next week to get there. But then, I need to really push for that next week.

From there it was off to rehearsal. This process is making me crazy. I still have cast members quitting and joining and rejoining. Every day the roster changes. They are a good bunch of kids. They just need to focus and tighten up. There is still so…SO much to do. It is getting done little by little, but it is a rough and shortening road ahead of us.

I realized today that it was the Equinox. I usually don’t think about it until the 21st. Sometimes, then, it does sneak up on me. This explains my weird feeling yesterday, as it would have been the Day Before. It also happens to be a Full Moon.

Interesting.

For as difficult as things have been the past couple of months, the last several weeks, there is hope on the horizon. I need to struggle through the next week, week and a half. Then it is the Gala performance. I don’t know how they are going to work it, but each of the directors is getting a $500 stipend for doing The Gala. Hopefully, that will come rather quickly. [Perhaps they will even have it ready on performance night.] Either way, it will be coming soon. Plus, next weekend is payday again. This will all allow me to keep moving forward and at the same time, hopefully, take care of some debt that has been haunting me.

After rehearsal I headed back to the Treehut, only to find that there was a Safety Meeting at The Putters. All of the familiar faces were there, plus one who has been wanting to come. He was all into it [and he may need a name.] I just thought it was funny because he talked about how we could video these things and put them on YouTube. He thinks it would be a very popular series. Funny, I’ve been saying that for years.

It is Tuesday, March 19, 2019. Time…Extending.

I cannot describe my feeling today. I am awake and alive. I am burning and pulsing. It’s…It’s different. It’s good. I’m not afraid of it. It is what it is.

I’m not sure what could have brought it on. Perhaps it was all the organizing and saging yesterday. I really did get things in a particular order and it feels good. Little by little each day I get things under control across the board.

I awoke this morning to find I lost, or misplaced, $20 that I needed for an obligation. So, I had to run to the store and pick up a couple more groceries and get some extra cash back. This is not exactly the time to be losing money. Let’s just hope it turns up somewhere along the way.

I gave into the tobacco again this morning [and more idle hands as well.]

I organized a bit more this morning, tweaking here and tucking there. It is surprising just how much stuff you can fit into a very small space, when you are creative…and forgiving. I also got the car straightened out. My systems are in place and the routines are forming. Smooth and Functional…that is the Goal.

I set a schedule for the week for The Theatre.

I had a decent rehearsal for The Middle School. Little by little pieces come together. I still have so much to do. But with a little determination and focus it should get done. One adventure at a time. I do hope I am reaching some of these kids. It’s difficult because a theatre is a very large open space and these buffalo do roam and the deer and the antelope certainly play. With it being just me in charge, it can be a struggle to keep different groups focused and working at all times without losing my shit a little bit. Sometimes, though, they leave you no choice. You explain, rationalize, ask, plead and still they make you repeat yourself 6 times.

On the bright side, I got permission from the principal to use the one custodian in a cameo…and she offered to do one as well. (I think I might know just the spot.)

I feel good about the project overall. As much as it came apart along the way, it is putting itself back together just fine. There is still a whole lot of work to do, starting with the set. But, I do have a plan for that.

I think that is all the news that is the news at the moment.

It is Monday, March 18, 2019. Time…Beginning.

Today was an interesting day. It was powerful and challenging and enlightening.

It started like any other Monday. I awoke with a post to finish, a shower to take and a day to face. Most Mondays are set aside for me. It is the Cycle of the week. The exception, right now, being that I have The Middle School in the afternoon.

So, I got up and I piddled around, trying to get life in order and take care of what I need to – finances, emails, plans, etc. There is truly so much always on my plate and I am still trying to get myself grounded into this whole experience. So, it seems that no matter how caught up I get, I always have more to get to.

I went to rehearsal. I lost another cast member. Someone wasn’t there. It was the usual. But, we worked someone new into a scene, got some rehearsing in and even conquered some new stuff. And, as a group we began going through the stored costumes and props. We are slowly finding what we need and making space for it all.

On my way home, I stopped at the grocery store and then used my points to save me some $.20 on gas.

I came home and started to settle in. The Princesses had gathered more stuff for me over the weekend and I needed to start making it fit. I worked like mad. I got my cleaning stuff and cleaned along the way. I got pictures and some décor in place. I put away the groceries and reorganized the pantry. I added a table and put my printer into place. [There is just so much I need the printer for, including work I cannot accept without being able to print.] I have more clothes, and hangers. I even have my suit which I will need next Saturday for both a Rainbow event and the Gala. I moved my movies to a better location and cleared shelf space.

Then I saged the entire Treehut. I burned candles including the altar candle.

Everything is finding its place and I a becoming quite functional and ready to face the world.

So, without hesitation…

For now and for always, from here in Geistopia this is your beloved Rev

Walt: And Walt!

JOHNNY: And Johnny!

DOC: Unt me!

…Good lord…And, all of them, wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

Walt:…and Freakishness, baby!

Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and concerns. I don’t know you are there if you don’t say, “Hi.” Also, you’re experience of WTML is just as important as mine. So, let me know what you think. Secondly, if you would like to connect, or find out more about me, you can find WTML on Facebook @TheNewWTML or myself at @rev.mgeist.