S7EP10: Once Upon Ago

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, October 10, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Dividing

Theme – Synchronicity

It took several attempts to get the Theme this week. Every week I have so many thoughts that could be a Theme, a Lesson, or an Observation. If I do not write them down immediately, they tend to fall between the cracks of my memory banks. Such was the case with the Theme this week. More than once this happened. Yet, in the end, it all became very clear.

I had two very distinct moments of Synchronicity this week. One was on Thursday, when I would end up being off and Brother John was as well. The other came later in the week. I managed a ritual soak. It was very good, very deep, and very intense. My mind went all over the place. I let it do this for two reasons. First, it purges the thoughts. I have found if I try to silence my mind it only revs faster. However, if I let it bounce around of its own accord – with a little nudging here and there – eventually it runs out of thoughts and silences itself. This is the goal of every ritual soak. To get the mind to the point of silence when the Spirit can then drift off. The other reason I let my mind bounce here and there as it will is because every so often there is a little nugget of information in there.

During this particular soak, my mind was doing its thing. I really can’t tell you of what all it thought. I know I had picked up a couple of things along the way. But for the most part it was just a rampant jumble of activity. Yet, in the middle of it all, there was this flash of a building in a wooded area. It was a reception or event hall. I knew the building. I have been there once before in my life. Then I flashed to an image of the reason I was there once in my life.

Once upon ago, there was this couple. Everyone called them Big Mama and Spider. I mean everyone. She was this large, boisterous woman and he was a small frail man. They could have been called Mr. & Mrs. Spratt. Anyway, they were fans of Craze. That is how I knew them. They would come to shows. But they were so engaged with the group that the band had played at an anniversary party for them. That is what I was flashing on.

So, the next day I texted Big ‘D’ and asked her if she remembered them. Of course, she said she did. Then I told her how they came to me in meditation. A little while later she sent me another text. Obviously, she said something to Boom-Dee-Aye about all of this. Boom-Dee-Aye said she thought it was interesting that I would mention them because she was just thinking about them not too long ago. Then Big ‘D’ asked, “Do you think they are trying to tell us something?”

Ummm….yeah.

Lesson – Let All Things You Do be Done in Love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

We all know these words. They are so very overused at weddings. It’s actually quite sad. Bear in mind, I say this as a minister who has used them in at least one wedding. But, I think it is sad. We have come to associate those words with marital love and I think that very much underplays them. When Jesus spoke of love he was always talking about something so much greater than the love shared between spouses. He spoke of Universal love. The love we should feel towards everything and everyone. Love thy Neighbor as Thyself. Love thy Enemies.

I cannot find the verse at the moment. But, at the end of The Good Samaritan, Jesus makes a reference to loving ‘someone’ as your brother. And someone present asks, “but who is my brother, My Lord?” Jesus responds with, “Everyone.”

Love lifts up. You can feel it as soon as it is present. It is so very different than most of our daily experiences. If you truly love what you are doing, at the end of the day – no matter how bad it gets – it will still always lift you up. [And you it.] It is what Harry Chapin’s grandfather would have called ‘Good Tired.’

The same is true of relationships. If they lift you up then that is love. And, based on the teachings above, all of them should lift you up.

For me, the Lesson came in dealing with Sunshine. She still has her distance issues and I struggle with this. Even when it is not directly present. I had so many thoughts early in the week about talking to her and expressing myself and…well…just all sorts of things. Then, all of a sudden, in a flash, my mind shifted gears. It was as though someone flipped a switch. I don’t need to have a conversation. I love her. Plain and simple. I don’t need to have her assurances. If she needs space then love gives her space. Just as it will welcome her back when she no longer needs the space. It’s love and I love her. I do not need her attention nor even her love in return in order to love her.

I just simply need to love her.

Observation – There Must be a Day of Rest

We talk about it. But I think few of us do it. Once upon ago, I would call it my Day for Doing Nothing. The thing is that it’s not actually about doing nothing. It’s more about not planning anything or scheduling something. It is a day that should just be. You wake up in the morning and you just do you. Maybe you will do something productive – work or chores. Perhaps you will take a drive or read a book. Perhaps you really will do nothing at all…and that’s OK. The idea is to have nothing that demands your attention so that your mind and spirit can clear [making it easier to focus in the long run.] There does not have to be a day every week. But, sooner or later, there must be one. If you do not take one, The universe will force one upon you. Trust me. Nobody wants that. It will always work against you before it works in your favor.

I have had several Days of Rest thrust upon me recently. I know I need to carry the practice forward with me. I just don’t know how I do that living and working out of The Rocket.

The Post

I like the title of this week’s post. I really like the Theme with which it allows me to play. But, after a week of playing with it in my head, I still don’t know how I want to play with it. From what I’ve seen so far, it seems to implant itself just fine into my storytelling all on its own. But, I was looking for a little more flair. I was hoping for something along the lines of the past few weeks when I was able to use the Theme of the post title to tell part of my life story and then turn around and tell the story of my week with little hints of the Theme still around. This is as far as I have gotten…

“Once upon ago, in a land not much unlike your own, there lived a lad – awkward and odd.”

I’ve made this point a few times over the past several weeks. I have been doing so much retrospection on my life lately and I just can’t believe how much of it I spent in a haze. I can’t get over how often I truly felt out of place – like I didn’t belong. It happens to this very day. In fact, it happened once this week.

It’s not a completely unwarranted feeling. I am rather awkward and odd. I certainly have my own way about me. A few weeks ago, Sparky made a very similar comment. I can’t remember the exact phrasing, but it was pretty much, “You have some different ideas.” [All in all it was a compliment. It was just one that pointed out my…uniqueness.]

My response was, “I’ve lived a different life.”

I have. And that has not helped at all with the awkward and odd, and feeling out of place.

So, I am having a really hard time concentrating on what exactly to write. My mind is whirring and my thoughts are all over the place. I am ‘trying’ so hard to control the flow and the wording of the post. [Because I want it to be good and right.] But, perhaps that is an Observation to be made or a Lesson to be learned.

My whole life is comprised of ‘Just tryna get it right.’ I plan and I plot. I manipulate each day to yield the best possible result. This is, first of all, straight up survival. But, it is also done with purpose. I do want more and better in my life. So, every day I work with the pieces I have to try and get there. And, each day, I do what I do believing that one day I can make it better.

“Once upon ago he was foolish and naïve.”

**This post was started on Sunday, October 2nd. My mind whirred so much that I could no longer focus on writing. I was into my past and ahead to the future. I reviewed hurts and losses and moments when I was less than the person that I am. At one point I even contemplated The Christ Jesus and his teachings. This was all before 8:30 AM. A week has passed. I am going to pick up where I left off and see if I can make something of all of this.**

Once upon ago is such a very intriguing phrase to me. So very often, yesterday seems like ‘Once upon ago’ to me. Quite frankly, I have had evenings when that very morning seemed to be ‘Once upon ago.’ The phrase seems to indicate an extended passing of time. Perhaps too much to even measure.

“Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom…”

“Long, long ago in a galaxy [not so] far away…”

For me, that is how much of my life seems – long ago and far away. I have traveled to so many places, done so much, been so many people. [Sometimes all in one year.] My life has flipped and flopped and shifted and jumbled almost constantly for more years than I can count.

I divide my life into three major eras. There is The Time I do not Know. This pretty much covers birth to age 14. I have very little recollection of these years. Little flashes here and there, every now and again. But, for most of them, I couldn’t tell you what was going on or when it was.

I do have some memories. Like, in 5th grade we had some sort of project to build a display based on something [I think it may have been a book that we read.] Mine was a castle. It was this big white castle sitting atop this rocky [cemented] display. It had a working moat and I’m pretty sure that the drawbridge went up and down. My dad built it and that was the problem. I got a C grade [or less] because my dad built it. I didn’t ask him to build it. I know asked for his help. But he did it all. I was with him the whole time but I don’t know what he did because he just did it all.

Craze was never much of a teacher or a guide in that way. Likewise, when the treehouse was built – he did it all. He wouldn’t let me help with anything. Still, I spent those days playing and running in the yard around him because I wanted to be there and be a part of it anyway. I mean, even when you went on stage with him he didn’t teach anything. He just told you what your part of the joke was and off you went.

I can remember a morning when my grandmother went ballistic over my great-grandmother opening blinds in the house. My great-grandmother lived with us and my grandmother was visiting. And, I mean, she went nuts. I can still remember dad at the head of the kitchen table as she had her complete fit. [I’m pretty sure that’s the time she told them that they should kick my great-grandmother out.]

I can remember the night my dad came home late from The Park. The night he quit The Italian. I can remember my mother and great-grandmother being so worried about him being as late as he was. I can remember my mother holding me as we watched through the kitchen window when the headlights came up the driveway. I can remember him walking into the kitchen, all beat up, blood running from the cut under his right eye.

But that’s about all I got.

I’d like to say that I was a happy child ‘Once upon ago.’ I don’t remember being particularly unhappy. But, not a one of those memories seems happy to me. Enter the next era, which would ultimately demonstrate that I was not happy at all Once upon ago in That Time I do not Know. This is what I call My Youth, ages 14-25. I know you may think that 25 isn’t really youth. However, I firmly believe that there is a certain level of emotional, mental, and even spiritual development that does not happen until 25[ish.] Until then we are merely children trying to figure it all out. I don’t care who you are, what you’ve accomplished, what jobs you’ve had, what you think you know.

I was an assistant manager for a fast food restaurant well before 25 and I was an assistant manager at a chain restaurant before that. In both cases, I was very good at the ‘job.’ I knew it inside and out and could do it half asleep. [And did from time to time.] But, I couldn’t manage the situations. There was just a level of maturity that was not yet present. It comes from life and living. It cannot be forced. I suppose it is similar to puberty. It gets us all in its own time and we are not maturing or growing until it does. This is why I say that no one under the age of 25 should be made a manager of anything. [And, I have yet to be proven wrong on that.]

Nonetheless, 14 would bring my first major breakdown. It is the moment that would shake up the family for decades to come. I don’t really want to get too deep into it at the moment. I have told the story in past incarnations of this blog [more than once.] If you know me long enough you may recall the moment. If you know me well enough – you can ask. For now, I will just cut to the chase.

The whole thing ends with me in a psychiatric hospital for about 30 days or so. The worst diagnosis I can remember hearing was that I was a teen boy with an above average IQ who needed more expression. That would be the bane of my existence at Olde Geistopia. I was never really allowed to voice myself or do things or be me [not without criticism and repercussions.]

The years that followed are rift with conflict. We never really got along after that. We tried. We faked it well from time to time. But there was just always that little bit of underlying tension. All of which would inevitably explode in the time following My Death, when my family really didn’t like the person I had become.

Once upon ago, in My Youth, I was a dreamer. I dreamed of the future – of life, of love, of adventures and careers. Big, Brilliant, Bold. Looking back, these dreams were most likely all compensation for always feeling so insignificant.

I was also a believer, once upon ago. I believed in G-d. I believed in aliens and magic and things unknown. I would dabble with each of them over the course of time. Just my religious/spiritual views would change so much through My Youth and beyond My Death.

Once upon ago I went from Christianity all the way to Satanism [not really but it sounded good at the time. Though I have since read parts of The Satanic Bible and there are actually some pretty good insights there.] I went to Wicca – twice. To Shamanism, to Buddhism, to Judaism, and, somehow, back to Christianity. Though I would never really be accepted in a Christian Church.

Though I believe, practice and quote much of The Bible – I do not believe it all to be what we are told in a church. In fact, I’m not certain I believe church to be a necessary evil. Personally, I think most people who go to church every single Sunday don’t quite get it yet. To me, church is something that Spirit should move you towards. You should not go because ‘it is the right thing to do’ or to keep up appearances. When you go to church it should be because you were inspired or moved, because that is when you will get the message you need. You and the church will share unification and you will come to know Spirit on a deeper level.

Now, if Spirit truly moves you to go to church every Sunday, well then that is a completely different matter. The closest I have ever come to that was in 2019 when I had to attend church for 6 consecutive weeks. There were times I was tricked into it and times when I was even ‘forced’ into it. But, for 6 weeks Spirit wanted me in church and it made sure I was there.

Once upon ago I was a lover. My Youth saw quite a few relationships and partners. Too many, in fact. I remember my friends and I made a list once. I’ve seen longer ones. [Much.] Still, it is not exactly a number you would want to share with a truly intimate partner. It’s nothing to be proud of. In fact, now that I am thinking about it, I’m rather surprised [and grateful] that I made it this far without an STD.

My Youth saw all sorts of things. There were years spent in school. Then there was a collection of failed careers. I was married and then divorced. I moved out of the house and then back to the house. The awkward and odd never went away. The feeling of being worthless and insignificant never went away. The truth is that most of my youth was spent trying to heal, mend and make up for The Time That I do not Know…and 14, of course.

Once upon ago…I died.

To date, this is probably one of the strangest, scariest, and most significant moments in my life. We are coming up quickly upon 24 years to the day, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. I can tell you almost everything about that day. [Anything that there is to tell, anyway.] It’s kind of funny though because everything after that is just a jumbled mess of a blur for months.

I died in 1998, but My Death would begin in ’97 – about 25. It was in 1997 that I had rediscovered, and embraced, my spirituality. This would trigger a series of events that would eventually result in My Death.

Again, I won’t get into many of the details right now, for Right This Moment they are not all that significant. I will sum the experience up with this though. Just a week or two prior to My Death I had a conversation with a Mage. During that conversation he said, “If you travel this path, one day, you will find yourself standing naked, cold, and alone in the dark.” In the very moment that followed my resuscitation, I looked around and found myself…standing naked…cold…and alone in the dark.

My Death would change my life. It would change my perspective. It would change me. I was no longer, nor would I ever be again, the person that I was once upon ago. This has been both good and bad – The Blessed Curse.

I lost many friends. Almost all of them, if I’m being honest. But then, I have gained quite a few friends as well. People whom I am pleased and proud to know. I have missed out on quite a few life experiences, but I have also had adventures that not even money could buy. They are unique and they are mine and I don’t know anyone that has lived anything even remotely close to them. I have struggled and scraped by, juggling this and that along the way, and yet, somehow, I have pulled off some very fascinating shit.

My favorite example of this is one of the more recent ones. It is when I was directing The Middle School show. I was working closer to full time hours at The Theatre. I was rehearsing a show at The College. Then I took on the role of director for this show and that would eventually turn into me doing everything – directing, choreographing, musical direction, set and costume design and build. Every adult involved with that activity chose the same year to stop.

Now, I have acted. I had very little [and unsuccessful] directing experience. I do not have a musical background. Not one on paper anyway. Notes and bars and chords and keys and scales mean absolutely nothing to me. I can barely plunk out a measure of single notes on a piano. And, I have never been a dancer. Yet, here I was doing it all.

And, the whole time I was doing it, I was living in a treehouse.

The distance between me and my family grew exponentially after My Death. They didn’t know how to accept the me I had become or things that were happening in my life. For them, I would never again be [as they put it] “normal” or “like everyone else.”

How could I be? Too much has happened. Too much that they don’t know about. To this very day, not a member of my family – immediate nor extended – even knows of My Death. I am not normal. I am not average. But I am not special either. My perception and understanding – the whole of my be-ing – is swayed by my experiences. Like me, they have not been your average experiences. Many would call them things beyond abnormal. But I do not think they are special. I believe we all can, and do, have them. We just can’t always easily recognize that which is right before our eyes.

I think we have gotten into all of this – the Once Upon Ago – because we are sitting at the cusp of the dawn of a new era. I do not know what that means. I do not know what is coming or what is about to happen. But, I think one day we will look back and say, “Once upon ago, everything changed.”

Just like that.

Snap!

KA-BAM!

I say this because I have never been so certain of a moment in all of my life. I have walked a very odd and oft times twisted – even dark – path, which has led to here – Right This Moment. And, Right This Moment, I am precisely [and perfectly] where I need to be, dealing with what I need as well. I have never been so sure of anything. In fact, I am so sure of it that I am unsure if I am sure. It is that vibrant and intense of a sensation that it is almost surreal to process. Every experience of my life has pointed to Right This Moment. I have seen it many times.

I don’t know what that means.

However, I would have to say that the biggest difference between Right This Moment and the eras of days gone by is that I no longer feel insignificant. I no longer feel completely worthless. I feel like I deserve to take up whatever little bit of space that I do and that – despite what anyone else may think or feel – I can, and do, add value to any moment or relationship if allowed to.

So, the past couple of weeks have been very intense. As you may recall, Fellow Travelers, I had been crashing at The Original Brother John’s. They bought a new house and moved and they were just waiting for the closing of the sale this past Wednesday, the 5th. In the meantime, they were gracious enough to allow me to camp out here.

I did my best to be here but not be in their way as they continued moving things out. It worked quite well actually. It was very awkward for me through most of it. But that is all that awkward, odd and insignificant mumbo-jumbo in my head.

Anyway, closing was on the 5th and they had a final walkthrough with the buyer scheduled for the evening of the 4th. I promised to be out Monday morning with a good cleaning of the house before I left. I figured it was the least I could do for them and it was one less thing they had to think about before the final sale.

So, I spent last week trying to live and be and do while trying to pack up, clean, and move back into The Rocket. Nonetheless, all went according to schedule and by lunchtime on Monday I was moved out and everything was tucked back in The Cave at Olde Geistopia.

Before we continue on with that part of our story, let’s just take a little sidestep, Fellow Travelers.

The past several weeks have been very intense for me on all levels of be-ing. Physically, I have just been on the go – working and things for the girls and moving in and moving out and cleaning. But, I have also been going through a great deal of deep introspection – meditation, processing, healing. I almost feel overwhelmed and short-circuited.

But the most important thing for me from the past several weeks is that I have really been wrestling with my belief systems and my faith. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m good and I shouldn’t change a thing.

Here’s a little bonus Theme/Lesson/Observation for this week [all rolled into one.] The Trinity at the beginning of the post comes from last week. This week’s Trinity, as I said, is grouped together in one powerful statement. It comes to us, actually, by way of Brother John’s wife. [I suppose we should just refer to her as Sister Jen.]

G-d has a Plan for Us.

It doesn’t matter what you are going through – good or bad. It doesn’t matter where you find yourself. Sometimes it doesn't even matter what you try to do. At the end of the day, G-d has a plan for us…and he is working it. [No matter what we think.]

Thanks, Sister Jen!!

Now, let’s get back to where we find ourselves, just before the new era [Once upon ago.]

Monday came and I was [reluctantly] prepared to move back into The Rocket. I wasn’t really looking forward to it. I try to put on a good air about it usually, but the truth is, living in The Rocket is a beast. I mean, it was in The Vantasm too. It’s just taken this long for all of it to catch up to me. It makes the simplest thing a challenge. For instance, when I see The Princesses I have to pack up all my stuff – even if just in the back – in order to make room for them. Then after I drop them off at whatever time of night, I have to unpack it all to go to sleep.

This is the case for everything. So, recently, I have pretty much pushed anything that hasn’t been delivery driving or my daughters out of my life. The other week The Theatre contacted me twice. Two different individuals. They didn’t directly mention me coming back but I imagined it was at least in the back of their minds. I had to tell them no. I had to turn down someone else that wanted me to do some odd jobs. This is completely unlike me. I have always taken all that kind of stuff on. But, that’s just the thing. I have been doing that for years and it has helped me survive but it has gotten me nowhere…and it is 10x harder living out of a vehicle. It means changing clothes and having tools and figuring out showers and all of this stuff you don’t normally have to think about.

As a for instance – at The Theatre I usually need a change of clothes because I get wet washing dishes all night. I don’t want to have to go back to The Rocket and try to sleep in wet clothes. So somewhere along the line there needs to be a change of clothes and that usually happens in the car. I also need my slip resistant food service shoes. When I do my odd jobs or stuff at The College I need my work boots because I get dirty and I don’t want to ruin the one pair of shoes that I own. But I can’t carry two extra pairs of footwear in The Rocket or all the various tools and such that I need here or there. So I always have to make time to go and get them – load them, unload them whatever the case may be.

Showering is a hassle. I have to go at an awful early time of the morning in order to beat the rush and guarantee actually getting a shower. I have to have a change of clothes ready the night before because I have to be there so early and I don’t want to dig through my clothes in the dark. [And I don’t want to turn on lights and draw attention to myself at 4:30 in the morning either.] I have to drive to the gym and check in. Then shower and shave. When I get back out to The Rocket I need to empty the bag again – putting dirty clothes where they belong and hanging up my towel and loofa so they dry and can be put away. They have to hang in my car while I work all day. Basically it is a big fat pain in the ass and not something I want to go through every day. So it happens like every three days – no matter what happens in between. This sucks with The Theatre because I go in there and get wet and greasy and dirty and sometimes I have to go two more days feeling like that before it is shower day.

So, I’m sure you can understand why I was not looking forward to returning to that life at all. As I drove and contemplated on Monday I had a thought, A realization, if you will. No one was going to be at the property. Brother John still owned it but was in his new home. The new owners wouldn’t be coming until Wednesday. I figured there would be no harm in parking in the driveway overnight. Steal away just one more night of safe, secure, peaceful and undisturbed rest.

That is precisely what I did. I didn’t enter the house. I wanted to be out of it on Monday in order to give the energies time to chill and blend and settle and do their thing before the new owners took their walkthrough. Sort of a decompression period for the space. So, I didn’t come in the house at all. I treated it like any other parking lot experience. I pulled in, crawled in the back and went to sleep. When I woke, I rolled and smoked a cigarette and then pulled out of the driveway. Simple and unobtrusive. No harm, no foul. I figured I would do the same thing Tuesday night.

However, Tuesday evening I would get a message from Brother John saying the owners decided during the walkthrough that they were just going to stay there that night even though the official closing wasn’t until Wednesday. I was somewhat devastated, for many reasons. Most of them are unimportant Right this Moment and are all part of a separate writing. The big thing, however, was the loss of my last night of peaceful parking. I had quite a few choice words for G-d and displayed no difficulty in sharing those words with him. There was an important discussion to be had but that, too, is part of the other writing.

Nonetheless, I found and tried a new overnight spot. It was OK. Shower day wasn’t scheduled until Thursday, so when I woke I pretty much set right to work. I went about my day, and for the first time in quite a while I didn’t really think about anything. I was just sort of there.

Wednesday afternoon I would get another message from Brother John. The sale fell through in the final moments. They were going to look into a few things and I asked if, in the meantime, I could crash here again. He agreed. By that afternoon, I had my stuff back here. It wasn’t a big deal really. It had just been packed up and put in The Cave just two days earlier. So all I had to do was grab the few small boxes and be on my way. I brought it up to the house, made sure I blew up the air mattress so I could easily go to bed later, and by 4:00 I was back out on the road for dinner.

I am taking a few more ‘liberties’ this time around. For the most part, I have here exactly what I had before – bed, chair, kitchenware, clothes, laptop. I’ve just added to it a little bit. Things like clothes and kitchenware have bounced all over the place with me. I’ve lived and stayed in so many places and environments over the past 3+ years. Each one has had its own needs and allowances. Every time I moved it was a matter of packing and repacking. Some things had to get put away. Some things had to be retrieved. It was just a constant reworking of what I had with me. The end result of this is that, things like kitchenware and clothes, got packed into multiple boxes and bags time after time. I decided to bring all of those boxes and bags that I could find [which isn’t a whole lot] to the house so I can put them all out, sort, organize and be ready to pack up better and more condensed.

I put my candles out and now I leave them out. I was putting them away when I knew Brother John and Sister Jen would be working on moving stuff.

Brother John offered to bring the TV back. However, it doesn’t have a stand. It was mounted on the wall and the mounting has been taken down. I told him not to worry about it. I have the TV from when I was at The Nest. It has its own stand. However, it needs to be placed on a table to lift it off the floor. So, I brought the same table/TV set up that I had in The Nest. I slapped on the AirTV mini and I’m good to go. I brought up not one, but both, of my red folding chairs this time. I figured I’d just keep them together for the time being. I also brought back the end table that was here that they were getting rid of and I decided to keep.

So, of all of that, only the table and the second red chair are extra above what I had here last time around.

I do not know exactly how long I will be able, or allowed to stay. So I am trying to live my life from both a temporary and long term standpoint. By that, I mean this. I want to be able to be here and be comfortable but I don’t want to move a whole house full of stuff in. It’s only going to need to be moved out again at some point. I need just enough to be comfortable, functional and productive. I pretty much have that right now. [Oh, I did add a small decoration or two as well.]

Yet, I also want to seize this opportunity to try to prepare for a better and stronger future. [“You will be broken down to nothing in order to be built up stronger.”] Being here allows me to save a great deal of money on food and drink and also some on gas for The Rocket. [Because I am not idling on and off throughout the night.] So, I want to stay diligent and get back to making the money I was earlier in the year. Then all of that money I am saving becomes even more extra than what I should have and I can use it to take care of business.

While I’m here I brought some of my metal up and put it in the garage. I accumulated quite the collection of cans – soda/beer cans, soup/pet food cans, spray cans. It has been shoved in The Cave where I haven’t been able to sort and prep it for recycling. So, I brought it here where I can work on it as I can at random times – like going out for a cigarette or during my afternoon break. I mean, that’s money sitting there.

The College reached out and would like me to come and do some work. I haven’t agreed yet but I am going to agree to go in next week for a few hours. Monday mornings are usually slow for breakfast. So I’ll go in and do some stuff before lunchtime.

Depending on how this develops from here I might offer to help every so often at The Theatre. As long as I am here. I may even contact those people and see if they still have an odd job or two for me.

I thought that if this goes on for an extended time, I might bring my printer up which would allow me to do a host of retail merchandising work.

I have even been actively pursuing other lines of work. If that is a transition that I am supposed to and can make then it should be done while I have a home and not while living in The Rocket. I applied for one job. [Unsuccessfully.] I pursued another but do not qualify at all. I am looking at a third right now. I think I know how I feel about it but I need to take a few days and see if I can rationalize my way into a different mindset.

I do not know how long this will go on or how things will progress from here. All I can do is take it day by day and step by step. Do my best to make a most of what I consider a blessing and an opportunity without becoming too burdened, to extended, too impetuous, etc., and so on. There are some arrangements that need to be made. I told Brother John that I would pay the electric and trash collection while I am here. I mean, they’re not here to utilize it why should they pay for it. That’s just nonsense. Plain and simple.

I’m coming into this next week feeling confident and almost powerful. Financially, I am not quite where I wanted to be but I am doing just fine. If not by mid-week, by week’s end, I should find myself caught up, balanced out, and even somewhat ahead. That’s a good starting point. Very good.

Like I said, I don’t really know how things are going to go moving forward. They are going to continue to try to sell the house. They had a multitude of showings over the weekend. Until they sell it, and as long as they allow, I can take root here. It may be as brief as a week or it could very likely stretch two or three. [Maybe more. I don’t know. I’m not looking that far ahead yet.] But before we set off on the road towards knowing, I want to give you just a little nugget of thinking material.

There was a moment earlier this year that I am suddenly finding very significant. I don’t know if I mentioned it in earlier posts or not. I am certain, though, that I mentioned it in the ‘other’ writing.

Back at the end of July, when we were here house sitting, I had a vision. I was out smoking a cigarette, gazing across the yard, when I was struck with just a quick flash. What I saw I can only describe as – October. That is what I thought and that is what I felt. “I’m going to see October here.” At the time that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Yet, here we are, in October and here I am at the house.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

*I woke Monday morning to 2 flies zipping about the house. I’m really not sure where they came from. It is the first I have seen flies here.*

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

*I was out having a cigarette, also Monday morning. I reached to pick up my cpffee mug only to find an ant crawling along the handle. It caught my attention.*

Ant - Industriousness, Order, and Discipline

Symbol of work and industry. Wisdom and intellect in their endeavors is often acclaimed. Social. Community activity. Gathering, hunting, growing. May find that the cycle of industriousness and building of goals may increase over a period of twelve years. Cycle of twelve - days, months, years - will be of significance. Teacher of how to build, how to be the architect of your own life. Show you how to construct our dreams into a reality. Greatest success occurs with persistence. Examine your own industriousness. Are you disciplining yourself enough to accomplish the tasks at hand? Are you or those around you looking for the quick and easy way? Are you neglecting important activities? Are you laying a good foundation? Are you adding new structures to your life with each passing year in some fashion - education, jobs, hobbies, etc? Are you being patient with your efforts? Are you being patient with yourself? With others? Are you making things greater and more difficult than they need to be? Are you missing the opportunity to initiate new creativity and endeavors? Can teach how to harness your own power to design and recreate your life. Can show you how best to work with others for the good of everyone. Regardless of circumstances, if the effort is true, the rewards will follow - in the most beneficial time and manner. The promise of success through effort.

*On Monday I ran to The Cave to drop some things off and grab a bag or two. I randomly found part of a peacock feather. I knew I owned it. But it wasn’t packed away. It was just lying there on the floor.*

Peacock – I will have to get back to you on Peacock. I don’t have my book with me and I don’t have an entry for it.

*OK. So I saw the bird again. This time early in the morning. It is big but I still don’t know what it is. I didn’t have my glasses on so all I could make out was it’s size and the white-ish underbelly. I still do not believe it to be a hawk. Having seen it during the day I am willing to rule out owl. So I don’t know wtf it is. Perhaps it is just a Spirit Guide hanging out and watching over things.*

The Mystery Bird – Not really much that can be said about a mystery.

**There has been one in the yard for several weeks now – popping up every now and again. But this week he was very apparent. He even just sat and chilled out near me for a few minutes.*

Chipmunk – (from whatismyspiritanimal.com)

Chipmunks don’t really have a lot of enemies mostly because they’re clever enough to avoid troublesome situations; this creature is very adaptable and will live nearly anywhere that suits them, including under your patio. Being picky isn’t really in Chipmunk’s character makeup.

Similar to Squirrels, Chipmunk always prepares for seasonal shifts in food supplies by stashing some neatly away. They are diligent about preparing for the future and have more than one entrance and exit to their favorite hiding spots. Young Chipmunks depend on their mother for about six weeks. Even then, the energy level for Chipmunk is pretty perky. As Chipmunks eat nuts and acorns, they also have an important role to play in spreading seeds and spores.

Norse myths tell us that either a Chipmunk or Squirrel runs up and down the World Tree delivering messages to and from the Gods (Odin in particular). The symbolism here combines with the Chipmunk’s habit of chattering as if there is always something new about which to talk. Saga, a Goddess of history and bardic arts, also has a Chipmunk companion.

An Irish Goddess by the name of Medb is said to have this little guy as a sacred animal. Medb oversees matters of health, prosperity, sexuality, and fertility; this last attribute is one that fits Chipmunk very well. Females can have up to three litters a year with five pups in each.

Chipmunk is prolific as a way of offsetting a rather short lifespan of only about three years. As we observe Chipmunk Spirit in nature, it becomes evident that they are very curious. There is little that goes undetected by our forest friend. They also seem fairly determined to do things in their own manner and time. When courting or feeling threatened, they may let out a little chirp that sounds bird-like.

For the most part, Chipmunk is not aggressive. The only time they really seem to fight among themselves if there’s the perception that food lacks. As long as edibles are in ample supply, they get along with each other very well. Greed is a term that seems to have been left out of Chipmunk’s vocabulary.

Chipmunk Spirit Animal comes into our lives for various reasons. One might have to do with the way you communicate. Chipmunk is a chatterbox, but as a Divine emissary, his words are chosen carefully. It may be time to assess how much of your discussions with others are filled with “fluff” rather than meaningful meat.

Another lesson from Chipmunk Spirit Animal deals with the element of surprise and an awareness of our environment. If you watch, Chipmunks seem to be able to appear as if from thin air, then duck away again into another realm. He knows his pathways intimately and rarely gets lost. It may be that Chipmunk advises laying low and not showing your hand too soon. He also reminds you to have sound exit strategies.

If your life has become rather dull, Chipmunk Medicine will definitely pick things up. Chipmunk is always ready for an adventure and loves exploring. When he is part of your life, it’s most definitely time to come out of your shell and find new ventures or discoveries; this need not be a huge thing. Sometimes the simple wonders are the most exciting! Chipmunk’s excitement is very contagious. And if you haven’t been very social lately, prepare for a BIG change.

Chipmunk also represents energy and activity. You will never get anywhere in life by just standing still. It’s time to get up and engage life fully. Use this season as an opportunity for changing things up so that your personal spaces are light-hearted and comfortable in every way possible. Living joyfully is one of Chipmunk’s core virtues as is playing and having fun.

When it comes to your resources, Chipmunk sometimes appears as a sign that you need to better prepare for a period ahead when finances become tight. Set up a rainy-day fund. Make sure it’s safe and secure so you can use it come proverbial bad weather.

Finally, if you are starting on a particular magical study, Chipmunk may have been attracted to you because of that emerging energy. Chipmunk is a Spirit of wish fulfillment and will power; this Guide can help you move toward greater knowledge in your arts.

*They have been significant for several weeks now but this week just seemed more potent. I must have gone to three different deliveries this week only to find deer in the front yard. At the last one, I had a deer just completely stop and look at me. It wasn’t a ‘deer in the headlights’ kind of moment either. She was watching me as I delivered. When I blew her a kiss she finally left.*

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

*I was standing up from writing to stretch my legs just a short bit ago. I looked down and discovered a spider right near the keyboard.*

Spider – Creativity and the Weaving of Fate

Maya, the weaver of illusion. Grandmother, link to the past and the future. Mysticism of the geometric form of the figure 8. Symbol of infinity. The Wheel of Life. Teaches you to maintain a balance – between past and future, physical and spiritual, male and female. Everything that you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. Rhythms. Creative sensibilities. The past always subtly influences the present and future. Spiral shape, the traditional form of creativity and development. We are the center of our own world. “Know thyself and you shall know the Universe.” Keepers and writers of our own destiny, weaving by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The magic and energy of creation. Assertiveness of that creative force. , keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong. Links with the past and future. Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions? Is everything staying focused? Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed? Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not your own? Are you developing resentment because of it – towards yourself or them? The teacher of language and the magic of writing. Death and rebirth. A lunar symbol. Maintain balance and polarity in all aspects of life. Through polarity and balance creativity is stimulated. A combination of gentleness and strength. Walk the threads between life and death – waking and sleeping – between the physical and the spiritual. How to express the creative energies. Don’t be afraid to employ it in seemingly inaccessible corners. Weave your creative threads in the dark and then, when the sun hits them, they will glisten with intricate beauty. Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality? Are you not using your creative opportunities? Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web? Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life? Are others out of balance around you? Do you need to write? Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through? Remember that Spider is the keeper of the primordial alphabet. Teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them.